Child Care Stay Away To Care For Your Child

Writen by Michael Russell

What are we to make of the child care facilities provided for our children today? The dramatic rise in delinquency and severe problems with children indicate they're to be avoided.

The child care that we have set up for our children in the United States is nothing short of appalling. Mothers no longer see fit to stay at home to care for their children, where they may see their child develop and grow and train them up with the truth. No. We send our young babies off to "child care facilities" where we hand them over to complete strangers, who know nothing about them and do not really seem to care if they do or not, because they have too many other children to care for, including their own.

How is it that we feel that money is a greater necessity for our children than constant love and attention? We send off our children each day and focus on the constant demands of a dead end job while our beautiful children await our return. We know not whether they are receiving the attention they need. The bond between child and mother is lost due to the feeling of the constant need to have more, to make a name for ourselves. Children are one of the greatest gifts that we have here on earth. Why then, are we allowing those formative first few years of life slip by us with so little mother-child interaction? The child does not know his mother's scent; the mother does not see her child's first steps or hear his first words. Studies have shown that this causes great stress on the child as he grows. The child does not feel close to his mother, because of the lack of bonding as an infant.

While children are sitting and waiting in child care centers, the child grows further and further from his mother. The child becomes confused, because he is constantly being cared for by different people that are unfamiliar to him. He does not feel safe, due to the lack of consistency in his life. This leads to greater risks of severe behavior emotional problems, as the child grows up.

What are we to say to this growing number of the American population that puts their children in the care of caretakers that are paid way too little and care not nearly enough for our children? Married mothers need to make a way to be home with their children each day. The mother caring for her children, as they come home from school would decrease the amount of juvenile delinquency and would boost the level of emotional stability of America's youth. The family would feel a closer bond and would be more apt to be a functional family, due to the amount of care and concern they will be able to show to one another. In order to have the type of children we want to raise, we need to have mothers and fathers to be the type of parents the children need - ones that are there when they need them, parents that do what it takes to keep them out of childcare facilities and always under their own loving protection.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Child Care

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Back To School What Clothing Should My Child Wear To Kindergarten

Writen by Marianne Mullen

Congratulations! You have a child ready to enter Kindergarten. How exciting for both you and your child. Entering school is a special time for coming-of-age experiences and often a back to school wardrobe. But many parents wonder what type of clothes does a child really need for school?

When children enter school they will be participating in activities that require comfortable clothing. As a parent you should expect clothing worn to school to get dirty, lost, and possibly torn. Many children worry about getting their clothes dirty and disappointing their parents. You can ease your child's worries by dressing him in clothing that can get soiled. Of course, special days such as the first day of school and picture day, warrant a special outfit, but most days children should wear "everyday" clothing. Clothing for children should be:

• Comfortable. From swinging on swings to sitting cross legged on the floor, children's clothing should allow them to move comfortably inside and out.
• Independent-dressing: At school, children are expected to use the restrooms on their own. Children need to be able to dress and undress to make their experiences using the restroom successful. Many parents don't realize how difficult overalls or snap buttons can be for a young child at school. And most children don't like to ask their teacher for help dressing them after using the restroom.
• Appropriate: Children may love to wear pj's all day long at home or belly shirts, but at school there is an expectation that children will wear appropriate clothing. Check the school's dress code and ask the teacher if you have questions about specific items or outfits.
• Layered: Schools are widely known for having irregular heating and air conditioning which leave classroom environments unpredictable. By layering your child's clothing, your child will know that becoming warmer or cooler is as simple as adding or removing clothing.
• Seasonal: Dependant upon the climate in which you live, most clothing should be seasonal. Check the weather forecast every evening and dress your child for the forecast. Many schools will go outside for recess even in snow, so children should wear snow pants, boots, hats and mittens. For warmer climates, children should wear shorts and breathable fabrics.
• Easy care: After school is complete, children's clothes should be treated for stains and then tossed in the laundry basket. To make any parent's life easier, all school clothing should be machine washable.

In addition to clothing basics, your child will need a backpack, sneakers, and lunchbox or bag.

One final must for school clothes is to label each item of clothing with the child's initials. It's very easy for clothing to be misplaced or lost while at school and it's an important skill for children to learn their initials and to look in the lost and found for missing articles.

Marianne Mullen is Co-Owner of Polkadot Patch Boutique, a specialty boutique featuring unique children's clothes, colorful children's clothes, and handcrafted artisan products for children.

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Ten Ways To Help Your Child Make Friends

Writen by Judy H. Wright

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry "nobody likes me" or"I don't have any friends." We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. Actually, there is something we can do to increase their acceptance by the group and become more approachable to others. We can teach them some skills and behaviors that will enhance their chances of being picked as a friend.

New research shows that all likeable children behave in certain ways. These skills are not in-born but can be taught by parents, teachers and other caring adults. There is a language of likeability that some children cannot pick up by osmosis, but must learn. It has been called"shorthand" to making friends.

Not only does fitting in and having friends feel good, it has numerous other advantages including better grades, healthier bodies, less stress, and more opportunities to learn social skills. Children who feel like they have friends tend to stay in school longer, make wiser decisions, and are generally happier and so it much more important than just having a play date.

Parents, teachers and other caring adults: Here are 10 secrets to assisting your child to be more likeable. Teach and model them on a daily basis and you will find your social circle enlarging.

1. Look for opportunities to assist others. Studies show that helpfulness correlates more strongly than any other attribute to being liked. Teach them to be aware of other people's needs and to offer assistance spontaneously, before they ask for it.

2. Find something that makes them feel special. Encourage your child to find an activity, hobby or interest that they really enjoy. They don't have to excel at it, just enjoy it. Do they enjoy drama, dance or railroads? Join a group of enthusiasts.

3. Say "hello" first, and smile. People who smile are perceived as nice and approachable. Friendly and optimistic people act as a magnet to others. Have you ever gotten mad at someone who smiled or said hi to you?

4. Be Pleasant to be around. It is simply too much work to try to figure out someone's "moods" and if your child tends to complain a lot or blame others, they will find associates distancing themselves. If your child is consistently negative, help them to see the positive and break the habit of pessimism. Explore the energy techniques of EFT for some simple ways to change thought patterns.

5. Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you are disrespectful to others or gossip about those who are not present, people tend to wary of how you will treat them. Don't blame other people for not living up to your expectations. It is important that you teach your child that he or she is loveable and that if they continue to behave in positive ways, a friend will come along.

6. Don't stand out from the crowd. Whether we like it or not, kids are judged by the way they look. Try to help them fit in socially.

7. Ask to join in the fun. When approaching a group that is already engaged, pick one person to look in the eye and ask if you can join them. If that person says no or seems hesitant, then smile and say, "Okay, maybe next time?" You will get much better response if you ask one person than if you address the group at large. If the one person accepts, then the others will go along with it. Be sure to say, "Thanks for letting me join you. It was fun."

8. Don't take it personally. Help your child understand that another person may just be having a bad day and may not be mad or dislike him or her. Teach them that people are really less concerned about us than we would like to think.

9. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body language is the language of relationships. Appear open, friendly and eager to join in and make friends. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Respect other people's space by not standing too close.

10. Recognize the difference between friendship and popularity. Friendship is more important and will last a lifetime. Popularity is fleeting and dependent on the group. You really only need one good friend.

One of the most effective tools I have found for change is to think about an incident that happened ether positive or negative and then say "next time……." It helps you to cement what went right and reflect on what didn't go so well, so you can make changes in behavior and attitude. It also reminds the child that we all get another chance to try again, and that somewhere there is a friend just waiting for them.

Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator

© 2005 www.ArtichokePress.com

This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com

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If You Want Your Kid To Play With An Educational Toy Dont Tell Them It Is Educational

Writen by Gregg Hall

The surest way to be sure that you have completely wasted your money on a child's toys is to let them overhear you say the words, "It's educational". So, what kind of toys can you bring home that backdoor education to them without them realizing it? Take a look at a few of these.

I am sure if you have been occupying space on the planet for any length of time at that you have played with Legos. What a great invention! Children as young as three can play with them and grandparents like them too. Just watch the little ones and make sure that they don't put them in there mouth, they like to put everything in their mouth when they are little. Legos also come in assorted sizes and all different combinations of accessories that go along with them that make them more fun for the older kids. Kids will play with these for hours.

Sing Along Books are another great item for kids. All children seem to like books from an early age and books encourage them to think and grow their imaginations. These kinds of books add even more fun for them because they are so interactive. The books actually have singing that starts when the child pushes a button. If you are planning a trip, these are a great way to keep the kids occupied.

Baby dolls are not usually considered an educational toy but they really are. Little girls daydream and pretend to be mommies and it helps to teach them about the real world. Another great thing is that they are easily taken anywhere so they are great for trips. Little girls love to sleep with their dolls, even more so if they don't have a sibling that sleeps with them. Taking care of a baby doll helps to teach them responsibility as well.

Coloring books and crayons are a simple but very effective educational tool for kids. This helps teach children colors and also brings out their creativity. Learning how to stay in between the lines is excellent for helping them with their motor skills.

Another really cool product for kids is a puzzle. Puzzles really make them think and it helps them with learning shapes and objects to be able to make the picture. They are excellent because you can start with simpler ones and then graduate to more complex ones as the children get older. They even make them of wood for really young children so they are more durable.

See, none of these toys screams educational, but they are, and your kids will love them.

Gregg Hall is an author and internet marketing consultant living in Navarre Florida. Find more about board games and educational toys at http://www.funtoysforchildren.com

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Building Positive Self Esteem

Writen by Sandy Kimball

You can empower your kids.
You can help your kids with building positve selfesteem.

Did you know you were already making a difference? Did you know that just being here changes peoples lives?

As parents we make our decisions and we make our choices. But do we really know how important these choices are?

I have found a great quote from Wayne Dyer:

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

One of the truly great educators of our time, Haim Ginott, commenting on the powerful influence we have on children, said: It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather....I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.

We need to influence and empower our kids not control them.

True obedience is a matter of love, which makes it voluntary, not by fear or force. ---Dorothey Day, Peace Activist

Empowering our children involves first giving them a secure, safe, nurturing environment-- offering them unconditional love, caring and concern for their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Within this safe environment, children can begin to make choices and decisions and mistakes. They can learn to think for themselves.

A great resource on how to make your kids feel safe, go to this link below.

PBS Kids Website: http://pbskids.org/arthur/parentsteachers/resources/parentguides/safe.index.html

If we only knew the cause and effect. If we knew how much control we really have. How different would the world be if we all made our decisions with this thought in mind? If we thought about the outcome, not only for ourselves but for every one. What a wonderful world it would be.

We already have a wonderful world. How much better could it be?

Sandra Kimball http://www.moretimeforkids.com Parenting Coach Sandra has devoted her life to her two children and has used examples from her home life, as well as, an incredible understanding of the Adolescent and Preadolecent Mind to develop a skill set for parents in need of improving their parenting skills. With Sandra's dedication and trustworthy approach to parenting, you'll Experience he Absolute Joy of Parenting.

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I Want To Be Heard

Writen by Joanne Ball

A common gripe in a stepfamily is that people feel they're not being listened to.

We're all busy and there is often a lot to be communicated in a stepfamily. It's really important for everyone to have a say and be listened to. Equal amount of airtime can makes a huge difference too.

In our family, the after school, evening mealtime is the first time the four of us came together in the day. This means that we all have things to tell each other or ask and, in the past, it often resulted in everyone interrupting and bitty, unfinished conversations.

After eating we'd clear up and put away (our children have always been involved with this) and we'd all leave the kitchen. I often felt frustrated or fed-up at being interrupted and unheard. Most nights I also felt exhausted.

So my partner and I decided to make a few subtle changes. Rather than something that we just wanted to get done and out of the way we made our dinner a more social experience.

We asked them to lay the table, including glasses and a water jug and we decided to serve the food at the table.

To encourage a decent conversation we each wrote on a small piece of paper something that we wanted to talk about over dinner. The paper was folded and placed in a bowl. Then one by one we pulled out a note and had a conversation about it. We decided we'd go around the table twice to see what everyone thought or felt about the subject then drew the next one out.

It worked wonderfully, having everyone focused on one topic at a time. We had a lovely time. Everyone engaged and felt listened too.

An amazing unexpected benefit also occurred. We found that at the end of clearing up everyone was in less of a rush to get away. We felt like we'd had a enjoyable social experience as a family and were all really contented.

Having the children be involved with things that are happening in the home is a great benefit. If you want to have your children be more involved than they have been be sure to make any changes subtly and gently.

Let them know it's going to happen in advance and avoid dumping things on them last minute and show respect, by making them feel part of the process when you can, by discussing changes with them before they happen - if they are old enough. Over to you - how could you use the information in the newsletter to benefit you and your family?

Want more help?

It doesn't need to be hard going in a stepfamily. You don't need to feel pulled in every direction or be confused over how to deal with issues that come up. I can help you build strong relationships and a happy home. To find out how visit ==>www.TheStepfamilyCoach.com

Wishing you a happy month,

Jo
www.TheStepfamilyCoach.com

The Stepfamily Coach offers support and guidance to divorced and separated parents who are blending their family to a new family. Grab your free report "7 Secrets For Blending A Family Without The Stress And Strain" from http://www.TheStepfamilyCoach.com

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Jump Start The Grey Cells In Your Child

Writen by Sapna Ganeshan

Centuries ago, midwives and mothers advised pregnant women to stay happy, listen to music, be around nature, and embrace good health. Now advanced research in child development shows that brain development in children does not occur after birth but begins in the womb itself.

Sharpen the Intellect

Thinking skills are the most crucial in the technological world of today. Educators firmly believe that it is not the volume of knowledge but the ability to assimilate and make sense of information that is essential. Children must know how to find solutions to problems and situations.

The goal of education is to teach children to be effective thinkers ---as you know, this is what equips them to stay ahead in situations where solutions need to be found at the snap of fingers. So, you must focus on cognitive development and higher order thinking.

As a parent there are a great many ways in which you can work towards the goal of effective thinking and higher reasoning. Technology has made available several computer programs, software CDs, and DVDs that are fun to use and place the children in more and more difficult situations, which they need to solve. The focus of companies such as Smart Neurons are educational teaching aids and toys which fulfill the goal of enhancing thinking, mathematical abilities, and problem solving in children.

Exercise Clears Cobwebs

Our grandmothers used to say that fresh air will clear the cobwebs in the mind—they were absolutely right. Physical activity, fresh air, and exercise help stimulate the brain and enhance learning.

Children need sustained physical exercise and as a parent you need to ensure this by taking the child to a park or play ground where he can run and play. Allow the child to climb the jungle tree, sit on swings, play ball with others.

Music Creates Geniuses

Wow! Did you know that music majors stand a higher chance at becoming doctors and most successful techies at Silicon Valley are practicing musicians ---don't be surprised to hear this but music creates geniuses.

Listening to music and learning music enhances retentive powers and vocabulary. Music nurtures the brain and stimulates overall growth. Studies show that listening to Mozart's piano sonata K448 for just 10 minutes increased spatial scores in IQ tests.

Many parents now expose even newborn babies and older children to recorded classical music as it is firmly believed that it helps infants think better.

Food for Thought

It is not just brain-stimulating activities that boost brain power, the food a child eats affects its thinking as well. Did you know, a brain needs plenty of carbohydrates, fats, as well as proteins, vitamins and minerals for both repair as well as function? In fact, many mothers are witness to mood swings and erratic behavior in their children after the consumption of chocolates or junk sugar foods like candy, icing, syrups, and packaged baked products. The sugar highs and lows caused by certain kinds of foods can make a child fidgety, irritable, inattentive, and sleepy.

The best brain foods that you can feed your child are brain friendly carbs like: grapefruit, apples, cherries, and oranges—eaten whole is more beneficial than juice; oatmeal and bran as well as spaghetti and rice; legumes like soybeans, kidney beans, chick peas, and lentils; milk and yogurt. Introduce foods that have a low glycemic index into your little one's diet.

Article was contributed by SmartNeurons. Smart Neurons offers kids' educational software, video and other educational aids. Our products encourage critical thinking, imagination and leadership skills and are targeted to enhance a child's educational experience.

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A National Holiday For Tolerance And Parenting Part 1

Writen by Paul Jerard

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is explained in classrooms, to our children and grandchildren, in simplistic terms. Just this past week, I was surprised to listen to local children's views on the subject. They explained discrimination with such acceptance that I just listened in amazement.

As children growing up, when Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., was leading civil rights marches, many of us barely knew what was going on. We understood part of the civil rights message; but in those days, many of us had two or three local televisions stations, and we played outside most of the time. We had less access to information, but our childhoods were much better than the present generation of children.

Truthfully, our children and grandchildren see so many violent video games, violent movies, violent cartoons, and low content reality TV shows, that the thoughts of racism, discrimination, and intolerance are acceptable. However, it is reality that every race or religion will try to dominate another. We have worked together to improve, but we still have a long way to go, and we have gone too far in some of the wrong directions.

When the civil rights marches went through the country's towns and cities, they had a clear agenda of equality. However, the right to have civil liberties has gone in some directions that need to be "brought back to center." We need to have a purpose, and common sense morality is such a purpose. Otherwise, we face moral bankruptcy, destruction of the family unit, and a social collapse from within.

We do not have to be tolerant of decadent moral standards. As Americans, we often think about the enemies from outside who would destroy our free society. Yet, the problems are also from within, and we must work together to improve our society. Here are some examples of the way civil liberties have been turned on their head.

Who wants to be a school teacher? School teachers are quitting their jobs left and right because children are not corrected at home. Sorry for the honesty, but it is true. The public then insists that teachers are not doing their jobs. The average salary for teaching undisciplined children in a "war zone" doesn't justify the agony. Anyone who believes teaching is an easy job, should get involved. School systems, across the United States, need all the help they can get.

Common sense has gone out the window when it comes to disciplining children. How often do you see a child disrupt a public setting, while the parent begs or bribes for a little silence?

© Copyright 2006 – Paul Jerard / Aura Publications

Paul Jerard is a co-owner and the director of Yoga teacher training at: Aura Wellness Center, in North Providence, RI. He has been a certified Master Yoga teacher since 1995. He is a master instructor of martial arts, with multiple Black Belts, four martial arts teaching credentials, and was recently inducted into the USA Martial Arts Hall of Fame. He teaches Yoga, martial arts, and fitness to children, adults, and seniors in the greater Providence area. Recently he wrote: Is Running a Yoga Business Right for You? For Yoga students, who may be considering a new career as a Yoga teacher. http://www.yoga-teacher-training.org/index.html

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7 Blessings From A Father To His Children

Writen by Steve Brunkhorst

The car phone rang just as I was stopping on my way home to pick up my daughter from her after-school basketball practice.

"I know this is short notice, but could you please give Tina a lift home from practice tonight?!"

The voice on the phone sounded more than a little frantic, a feeling I know well. "Sure, no problem," I replied. "I just pulled up to the school."

It was a parent of one of my daughter's team mates. It's great when parents are able and willing to help each other. Others have done the same for me more often than I can count. Working and raising children can easily burn your candle at both ends. Fortunately, most of these parents try to help each other by providing rides, especially when emergencies crop up.

Showing a child that you care about their friends is a great blessing that parents can give to a child. I remember how my dad could seemingly move mountains if a friend or loved one was in trouble or needed help. He could always summon the assistance and cooperation he needed because he had cooperated with so many others.

In many ways, children grow up modeling their life and attitudes after ours. I believe we can give many blessings—valuable principles—to our children both by example and by involving them directly in the experience.

Cooperation is only one of these blessings. Here are six more blessings that come to mind...

The Blessing of Consistency: Providing an atmosphere that nurtures mutual trust while allowing for reasonable flexibility, where children can expect to feel protected, respected, and loved, knowing that we will live by the principles we teach.

The Blessing of Trust: Communicating that we expect the best of our children, allowing them the freedom to learn from mistakes as they grow, and motivating them to expect the best of others, follow their internal compass of right behavior, and become dependable and trustworthy.

The Blessing of Faith: Teaching children the love of God and how they can recognize their worth as human beings as well as their special talents—nurturing the self-esteem and courage to make use of those talents to fulfill God's plan for their lives and to help others.

The Blessing of Knowledge: Teaching and empowering children by acknowledging our own errors as well as success stories, recording for them our thoughts and experiences that will benefit them and their children for generations.

The Blessing of Unconditional Love: Communicating and showing that no matter what the circumstances, children can come to us with problems, that what is important to them is important to us—that even though we disapprove of hurtful behaviors, the child is always loved.

The Blessing of Personal Responsibility: Teaching children to defer gratification by saying "No" more often today so they can say "Yes" more often in the future, and showing through example that responsibility involves setting boundaries, admitting and learning from mistakes, and moving on with self-respect and increased confidence.

We may not always see immediate gratitude for all we try to do for our children, but they sure can surprise us. My youngest daughter, after celebrating her 8th birthday, ran up to me and handed me a card. She had drawn out little thank you cards for her sisters and me to thank us for her birthday presents. She was beaming at my obvious surprise and delight at her creative expression of gratitude!

As fathers, we know that our children are among the greatest of our blessings. Plus, we receive from them one of the greatest blessings and privileges possible, the title of "Dad". That one is really hard to beat!

© Copyright by Steve Brunkhorst.

Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

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Teen Depression The Scary Truth

Writen by Keith Allen

Teen depression comes in two forms. It can be a simple episode in which they are upset because of a break up. Or, it can come in a constant, heavy depression that can and does destroy lives. There are many things that you, as a parent can do to keep your child out of this condition. Teen depression is serious and should be handled in the right way.

What Are The Signs?

Knowing some of the signs of depression is necessary. All parents should keep a look out for these conditions.

• Pulling away from the things that they used to love to do.
• Not eating well. While they may eat normally, they may lose weight. Or, they may not be eating at all.
• Not sleeping well. Waking up still tired is not okay.
• Pulling away from friends and social situations. This is a key sign of teen depression. Teens are social creatures and need constant interaction. If they are not allowing it to happen, they may be depressed.
• The blues that last. While everyone feels bad sometimes, teens with depression feel bad most of the time. You need to get them some help in these cases.

Teen depression that is serious can lead to additional problems. Teens that are depressed may be more likely to do drugs or drink alcohol. Teens in this situation are less likely to do well in school. They may retreat so much so into themselves that they may become ill or may attempt to harm themselves.

One of the scariest things about teen depression is how well they can hide it. Many teens will face bouts of depression, but those that have too many will hide it well from you. If this is the case, you may never realize how much trouble they are in until it is too later. Parenting a teen means; making it your business to know.

Resources:
Therapy for Families
Help with Parenting Troubled Teens
Boot Camp options for Struggling Teens

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Peaceful Parentingr Success Story I

Writen by Nancy Buck

Jane, mother of 13-year old Robert shares the following success story:

"I have been trying to change my ways and follow the Peaceful Parenting® strategies more closely since I read your book last year. Understanding that I do not, can not, nor should try not to control my son's behavior has been a challenge. I was willing to try since controlling his behavior not only did not work, it seemed to be damaging our relationship with one another. I share this success with you to let you know that I think I really have made the switch successfully.

In March, Robert came home with a poor report card. He was full of excuses regarding his poor grades. He also wanted to blame me and his father for our lack of support and his teachers for expecting too much and putting on too much pressure.

Having agreed upon it ahead of time, my husband and I tried a new strategy. We didn't get angry or upset with Robert. We ignored all the excuse making and blaming that Robert was doing. Instead we asked him what he thought about his report card. We asked him to self-evaluate. Was he satisfied? Did he think he could do better? Was he interested in our help? What could we do that he would find helpful?

Robert was stunned into silence.

We also told him that we were interested in him learning and being successful at school. We believed that this was his job. We want to help and admitted that what we had been doing up until then didn't seem particularly helpful. We told him that we knew we could not make him do anything. We let him know what our quality world picture for him and successful school learning and achievement is. And we knew we could do nothing to make sure that this quality world picture would ever come true. We also believe that he has a quality world picture for himself of success in school.

Yes, he agreed that he had a similar picture. He started again blaming us and his teachers for why he had been unable to achieve these pictures. Again we admitted our error in attempting to control his school effort and success. I told him I thought my behaving the way I was not only did not help with school work, I felt it was interfering with our good relationship with him.

Then we took the really hard step. We told Robert that his school work was now going to be his responsibility. We were interested in helping. He needed to ask for our help. We also told him if he could clearly describe what we could do that would be helpful to him we would gladly oblige.

Although in the beginning it was a rocky start, Robert starting owning his school work. As hard as it was, when I saw Robert playing computer games or watching TV when I wasn't sure he had finished his school work, I said nothing. Every few days during a family meal I would ask Robert if he needed any help. The more my husband and I backed off the more likely he was to ask for specific help. But not all the time.

It really was a miracle. By the end of the school year, Robert had raised all of his grades to A's or B's. We all stopped haggling, arguing and upsetting over school work. My husband and I backed off. School work is Robert's job and responsibility. We care, and he knows it. But even more importantly, my husband and I both know now that Robert cares too.

Thank you Peaceful Parenting® for helping me learn how to stop attempting to control my son's behavior. Thanks for helping me learn to respect and work with my son. Our relationship is now stronger than ever. I don't know many other parents of 13-year olds that can say the same."

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com
Improve your family - Improve your world

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Honey We Are Killing The Kids

Writen by Maggie Stanfield

Adoring mothers are pushing their kids into early graves. In fact, increasing numbers of parents will outlive their own children.

The UK has achieved a terrifying statistic: the three-year old couch potato. Recent figures show that young people, especially in Scotland, are fatter than virtually anywhere else in the world bar Italy and Malta. Yes, they are fatter here than in the Big Apple.

It starts in the cradle and ends in an early grave. One in five children in nurseries and toddlers' groups is already overweight, and it gets worse. Even at the age of three, it's 16 per cent, at eight it's nearly one in four, and by 12, a horrifying 33 per cent of overweight kids is classed as obese. That means they weigh at least 20 per cent more than they should.

Fatness kills. It leads directly to high blood pressure, heart disease and strokes. It is leading to a sudden surge in Type II diabetes which used to be associated with middle age, obesity and lack of exercise. Now teenagers are developing the condition, with signs of insulin production slowing down in the face of dietary and weight pressure. According the Department of Health, at least 58 per cent of these cases are directly attributable to carrying too much weight. Diabetes is the biggest cause of blindness in the western world and it can lead to kidney failure, gangrene - which leads to limb amputations - and it increases the likelihood of heart disease.

"Type II diabetes is not 'mild' diabetes," says Dr Amanda Vezey, Diabetes UK's leading diabetes advisor. "There is no such thing as mild diabetes. Diabetics are at a substantially greater risk of suffering from heart disease and strokes, and undetected - as Type II diabetes can often be for up to nine to 12 years - serious complications will develop that cannot be reversed. These include nerve damage, potential kidney and sight damage and blindness."

Dr Vezey warns that changing lifestyles and reduced exercise is ultimately going to shorten lives, but she also wants to add a more positive note. "On the plus side, once we diagnose it, Type II diabetes can be very successfully controlled so long as we have the support of the family. Weight reduction, healthier eating and increased exercise are crucial components in that."

Better still, she adds, "if parents act to ensure that their children are eating well and are physically active, then they will drastically reduce the risk of their offspring developing Type II diabetes in the first place."

Fat mothers tend to rear overweight children. Just as the offspring of smokers are more likely to smoke, the offspring of criminals more likely to offend, so the progeny of obese mothers follow the family pattern.

If it's Mum's fault that the children are playing truant, getting into fights, shop-lifting and becoming graffiti artists, then why shouldn't she be blamed for having fat children?

"It's still Mum who tends to control what's in the shopping trolley so she has to be held responsible for what the family eats," says Pat Johnson, an Edinburgh nutrition expert who sees the regular impact of too many calories in and too few out. "I think we have to accept that all the advice in the world isn't going to be enough. It's our whole attitude to food and exercise that needs to change.

"I think perhaps Mothers tend to associate food with love. If you deny your children the food they ask for, then somehow you deny them love, but the truth is that the reverse is probably more loving."

Our society of instant gratification, from credit cards to ready meals, has bred children with different expectations from a generation ago. Thirty years ago, it was a treat if you got a small packet of sweets. Now, children on the supermarket run expect a kilogram box of chocolate Heroes alongside the designer sweatshirts in larger sizes.

"It's very hard when she asks for crisps or biscuits," says Annemarie Macleod, a Glasgow mother with a 13 stone 13 year old. "If I say no, she sulks and says I don't love her. I don't want that."

The Scottish Executive outlined its £24 million strategy to improve the standard of school meals last year. It has spent another fortune setting up the Healthy Living campaign with the Helpline that five people rang. Scotland's NHS is spending £170 million a year on obesity and obesity-related conditions, but our figures both physically and numerically go on expanding relentlessly.

Sir Liam Donaldson, the Chief Medical Officer at the UK Department of Health, this week reported the horrific news of a three year old who had died as a result of heart failure brought on by obesity. He fears it's the tip of the iceberg. Will the next such three year old fatality be Scottish?

Maybe it's time to make mealtimes a bit of a battleground again? That's the view of Dr Theodore Dalrymple, a familiar figure in the media health columns. "Instead of putting properly cooked food before a child on the premise of eat-it-or-go-hungry, the mother acts more like a waiter at a restaurant, taking orders with flattering but insincere solicitude. It is hardly surprising in the circumstances that the child chooses junk rather than char-grilled vegetables.

"In fact, what the mother is doing is avoiding the unpleasant and nerve-racking but very necessary struggle over meals that mothers have often experienced in the past. By giving the child what will bring an immediate end to his resistance, she imagines that she is being kind and considerate, when in fact she is being cowardly and callous. She prefers her own immediate peace and quiet to the child's long-term good."

Obesity rates in Scotland are among the worst not just in Europe but in the world. Nearly one in five of us are overweight, and we're passing it on to our kids. There's no point claiming it's something genetic. It isn't. It's all down to the way we eat and our unwillingness to move far enough from the TV to expend a few calories on exercise.

Even the All-party Parliamentary Group on Obesity is panic-stricken and talks of "the current epidemic of childhood obesity." Its members agree the issue needs to be pushed up the political and policy agenda, but its recommendations for more PE and better school meals aren't making the slightest impression. The Prime Minister says he wants to see at least two hours a week of physical exercise in schools, but problem just keeps expanding.

"Doing nothing is not an option," they say. "In 1989 a study found that five per cent of children were classified as obese. By 1998, the figure had almost doubled. The incidence of obesity is also increasing with age; according to an English survey in 1996, approximately 17 per cent of 15 year olds are obese," says Dr Penny Gibson, Consultant Paediatrician and Adviser on childhood obesity for the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health.

By the age of 12, 33 per cent of Scotland's kids are far too heavy - obesity is classified as more than 20 per cent heavier than they should be - and even at just three years old, the 16 per cent figure is almost as bad. At least one three year old recently died of heart failure as a direct result of being obese.

Compounding the high-fat, low-fibre, refined carbohydrate food choices, there are two other crucial factors: lack of exercise and bigger portions. More of our kids grab their lunch in the shape of a burger and chips at MacDonalds where an extra 30p gives you a mega portion. Add a big fizzy drink and you have enough calories and saturated fat to add up to around 800 calories, more than a half a day's requirement for a teenager.

Our ever-increasing tendency to take the children to school by car and have them spend their leisure time crouched in front of the TV or playing computer games could be construed as another means of making life easier for parents. Yes, there are safety considerations, but there are also congested roads packed with school-run traffic and the option of walking to school with the children. That would be good for parents too.

The National Obesity Forum has called for compulsory PE for all school children. Some proponents go further, arguing that the reintroduction of team sports for all would not only improve the health of the nation but would also improve social skills and build a sense of personal responsibility.

While we issue demands that "the government needs to do more," maybe we should be looking towards our own responsibilities as parents with a measure more discipline and a measure less fat.

[BOX OUT] Jamie is 10. Here's his average day's food and activity

7.30 Get up
7.35 Shower
7.45 Big bowl of Cheerios with full cream milk
8.01 Pay on Playstation
8.45 Jump in car for school run
8.50 Arrive at school
8.56 Get can of Coke from school vending machine
9.01 School starts
10.30 Break. Large packet of crisps and can of Coke
10.45 Lessons resume
12.15 Lunch. Visit chip van. Large portion of chips, burger in bun, Coke
12.45 Hang out in school grounds chatting to mates
13.30 Lessons resume
14.45 Break. Bottle of Irn-Bru
15.01 Lessons resume
15.45 School finishes. After school activities include football and swimming but Jamie is picked up by car at the school gate and goes home.
16.01 Watch TV while snacking on crisps, biscuits and soft drinks
17.30 Mum makes tea. Beans, sausages and chips
18.01 Jamie goes to his room, spends half an hour on homework, then plays on his Playstation until 10.00 pm when he goes to bed with a drink of hot chocolate and a slice of buttered toast with jam

Approximate calorie intake for the day 3000
Recommended intake for 10 year old 1600
Calories expended by Jamie 850

Maggie Stanfield is co-author of The Hibernation Diet and regularly writes on health and fitness issues. She is a freelance author working in newspapers and magazines across the world. See http://www.writtenwords.co.uk.

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How To Choose A Breast Pump

Writen by Sydney Thomas

When considering any expensive purchase do the research. Ask friends, family, new moms and especially lactation consultants for their thoughts and opinions. Because most breast pumps can not be returned once opened (due to hygienic issues) it is important to be sure that you are getting what you want and can afford.

Here are some things to consider when buying any brand.

Do I need a single or a double pump? To best answer this question you need to consider the time factor. Some new moms find that they do not have time to pump one side for 5-10 minutes and then continue to pump the other side. They would rather have one sitting where they can express milk and go back to attending to their child. Other moms who aren't in such a rush, can take the time to use a single pump. I would suggest a double pump if you are planning to return to work, or if you are a mother who has decided not to nurse but still would like to give expressed milk.

A manual or electric pump?

Again, time is an issue here. A manual pump may come in handy to relive engorgement or prevent a strong let down for a short period before you nurse. The pro to having an electric pump is that you can relax and let the machine work for you rather than having to physically pump. Either way, both are safe and comfortable methods of expressing milk.

Is this pump practical for use in public?

Let's be honest, pumping in public doesn't feel comfortable until you have done it for some time. If you are planning to return to work, you want to take a breast pump with you that doesn't stand out. Look at the different models and what the carrying case looks like. Does it fit your style? Does it look like a purse, briefcase or backpack? Is it easy to carry? Does it have a cooler to keep your milk cold until you get back home? Does this pump allow for easy storage on the go?

If you will be staying at home and pumping in the comfort of your home, these things may not apply. It wouldn't make as much sense to spend more money on a pump that is practical for outings when there will be few occasions to pump in public. A single electric could suffice.

Can I easily replace missing pieces?

Most companies do have supplemental pieces available on-line. I personally prefer it when I can go to a pharmacy or a local Target to get what I need when I need it.

Visit Breast Pump Review for reviews and ratings on all the latest breast pumps plus tips on breast feeding for new mothers.

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Teaching Student Drivers 9 Tips To Keep Everyone Safe And Sane

Writen by Matthew Keegan

I have had the experience of teaching several people how to drive. Some were youngsters, but I have also taught a few adults how to drive too. Let's just say that I am more than glad to have "retired" from this practice as teaching someone how to drive can be taxing mentally as well as physically. Still, not everyone has the funds to go to driving school or an available friend to help out. So, if you are one of the "lucky" ones playing the role of instructor, here are some tips to help keep you sane and your student listening.

1. Set A Schedule. Keeping teens on a schedule can be nearly impossible as they juggle their busy lives with after school programs, work, homework, socializing, etc., but it is something that you must do. Find a time that works for the both of you and go out no more than one hour each time for your lessons. Oh, by the way, make sure your driver in training has his or her driver's permit on them at all times.

2. Simple Start. Keep the first lesson or two simple. Backing in and out of the driveway and driving around the neighborhood first are good starts. If you live on a busy road, then you should drive the car to a less busy area before allowing your student to take over. At the very beginning, avoid driving on days when pavement is wet – dealing with water on the road is a separate lesson for the more experienced student.

3. A Good Beginning. Thirty years after I first received my license, I remember in my lessons being told that there were four things that a driver must do before even starting the car: door, seat, seatbelt, mirror. In other words: close and lock the doors, adjust the driver's seat for your personal settings, fasten your seatbelt, and adjust side and rear view mirrors. Then, put the key in the ignition, start the car, look all around, engage the transmission, and slowly step on the accelerator and get moving.

4. Moving Forward. Once your driver has a good feel for the car – no jackrabbit starts or hard breaking observed – step things up and start practicing using hand and turn signals, parallel parking, how to negotiate turns and curbs, etc.

5. Stepping Out. After several lessons of driving locally and practicing safe driver habits, it is time to take the student out onto a busy road. Keep this lesson short to allow the nervous student time to adjust to driving in traffic. At least initially avoid rush hour traffic, highways, and areas with excessive pedestrian traffic. Make sure your student understands road signs, traffic signals, stopping/yielding, and the myriad of other rules of the road. Repeat lessons as needed to help your student grow accustomed to driving in traffic. Once your student builds up their confidence, take them out on the highway.

6. Study and Review. While behind the wheel lessons are extremely important, knowledge about driving rules and regulations are important too. When driving down the road, point out road signs and ask your student what they mean. Discuss the fines and points that can be assessed by the Department of Motor Vehicles {DMV} for violations. All of these things will be on their written test.

7. Defensive Driving. If you live in a more northerly climate, learning how to drive on ice and snow is essential to being a safe driver. Even if your student learns how to drive and secures their license in warmer months, insist on getting back in the car with them when wet leaves, snow, and ice are on the ground. Also make certain that your student understands how alcohol can impair judgment, how a radio, cell phone, or other passengers can distract them, and how to drive around pedestrians, bicyclists, mopeds, etc.

8. Check Fluids. An important lesson apart from actual driving and preparing for the written test is maintenance of the vehicle. Your student should be familiar with looking under the hood, checking fluid levels, hoses, belts, etc. Also show your student how to check tire pressure, do a visual check of turn signals, headlights, and all other lights. Familiarization with the exhaust and suspension systems is important too.

9. Ready, Set, Test! Once you are certain that your student understands all the rules of the road, is exhibiting safe driving practices, and is a confident driver then take the test. Do not let a pending birthday or special event drive that decision as you want to produce a safe driver, not a reckless one.

Once your student has passed their test make certain that the information on their license is correct, your car's registration is up to date, your insurance has them covered, and the car that he will be driving is road ready before allowing him to drive by himself.

Remember, driving is a privilege and not a right. Good driving habits are formed early on, but so are bad habits. Nip any problems in the bud early to ensure the safety of your student and everyone else who is out on our roads.

Copyright 2006 – Matt Keegan is a contributing writer for the Auto Parts Warehouse, a leading wholesaler of quality performance and replacement parts for your vehicle. At the Auto Parts Warehouse we encourage all drivers to use their turn signals, adjust mirrors, and check fluids to help ensure a safe and sane driving experience.

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Sneaky Nutrition

Writen by Genesis Davies

"I hate carrots!" Is a familiar cry, heard by parents around the world. If not carrots, then a variety of other vegetables. Sometimes, it appears that your child is going to survive on mashed potatoes and ketchup for the rest of his life!

In order to get some nutrients into your children's diet, you have to get sneaky. Hiding nutrition is an art that many mothers are perfecting these days and it's relatively simple, once you get the hang of it.

Mixing similar colors is a good way to sneak in some nutrition. For example, let's say your child eats ketchup or tomato sauce without complaint. In a blender, puree some carrots with a bit of water and mix them into the sauce. Or add pea puree to relish. Tofu blends in with white cheese on lasagne or in melted cheese sandwiches.

You can make a vegetable completely unrecognizable by dicing it finely and mixing it with hamburger meat to put in tacos. Carrots, broccoli and cauliflower are perfect candidates for this process. When you make hamburger patties at home, add textured vegetable protein to stretch the meat and keep the protein content high. You can also mix in finely diced celery, onion, garlic, carrot and broccoli. No one will notice and your hamburger meat will go a lot further.

Pasta is another kid favourite. If yours will eat ravioli, try making your own and add pureed veggies to the meat mixture that you stuff the pasta with. Or make cannoli and fill it with cheese and tofu.

Kids are usually more interested in eating things that they made themselves, so get them involved in the supper. If you don't want your kid hanging over the stove, try making dinner a buffet of choices. Have burritos, but everyone makes their own. Put out small bowls of chopped tomatoes, refried beans, grated cheese, etc. Have contests to see who can make and eat the messiest burrito, or make the funniest face on their tortilla.

Pizza is a great way to squeeze in nutrition. Sure, kids will pick off the toppings they don't like, but there is a way around that. Hide them under the cheese! When you're spreading the tomato sauce on, add finely diced vegetables or whatever you want your kids to eat. Top with cheese and their favourite toppings and watch them eat their veggies!

It is possible to get kids to eat well, even if they don't notice. And don't worry, they do grow out of these phases eventually. Until then, employ a bit of sneaky nutrition.

For a Free ebook "45 Kid-Friendly Recipes", check out At Home Mom

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Why Attachment Parenting Is Disastrous For Children

Writen by Michael Grose

Attachment parenting is a new parenting fad and its number of devotees are growing. This style of parenting places children at the centre of the mother-child relationship and flies in the face of how we have raised kids for thousands of years.

Attachment parenting means kids are breastfed until they choose to stop - four, five, six years of age. It doesn't matter. They stopped when they want - no weaning please.

Attachment parenting means kids are not nappy or potty-trained. Mothers do the toiletting not the kids. They poo and pee when and where they want.

Attachment parenting means that the child sleeps with his mother, while their father is relegated to another room. Those who practise attachment parenting put their lives on hold.

For thousands of years we have raised kids to fit in with family or group norms. Healthy child-rearing is about children fitting in, rather than the other way around.

Developmentally, kids are required to grow away from the parents. Attachment parenting stops them from separating and makes children helpless and dependent on parents for longer than necessary.

Healthy families know a child's place in the person, partner and parenting triangle. When we put the person first (yes, you do have a life) and the partner second (if you have a partner you nurture this relationship) we have the ideal conditions to be an effective parent. Attachment parenting denies the person a life of their own and places the mother-father relationship at the periphery rather than the centre of the family.

Attachment parenting reminds me of another child-centred fad - permissive parenting - that was similarly misguided and had disastrous results.

It is negligent to practise such unresearched fads on children.

Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator and parent coach. He is the director of Parentingideas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. For free courses and resources to help you raise happy kids and resilient teenagers visit www.parentingideas.com.au

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Open Adoption How Birthparents Choose A Family For Their Baby

Writen by Martha Osborne

The pain of giving up a child for adoption can be lessened with open adoption. In open adoption, the birth mother can interview prospective parents and decide who the birth parents will be. The birth parent can be just a single mother or it can include the father in the decision-making. Either way, their one concern is that the baby be placed in an adoptive home where it will be well cared for and have the best chances for its future.

The tools birth parents use to evaluate prospective adoptive parents:

• Resume
• Photos
• Phone Call
• Interview

The Resume

Unlike a job resume the adoptive resume consists less of vital statistics and more of the personal attributes and view of life of the adoptive parents. In it there should be a letter, which should begin "Dear Birth Mother" and indicate why the parents are seeking adoption and their views on open adoption. It should include personal information like the type of neighborhood, hobbies, relatives, education and home life. This gives the birth mother a good idea of how committed the family is to adoption and what types of resources her child will have growing up.

Photos

As corny as the old adage is, a picture is still worth a thousand words. Close-up photos of the birth parent are important, but so too are the pictures of siblings, pets, household, neighborhood, and special occasions. Here a prospective adoptive couple can get very creative in conveying just how wonderful their life is and how they have much to offer an adopted child. The birth mother will want to be able to picture her child in the happy, loving home of its adoptive parents.

Phone Call

Before a face-to-face interview is scheduled, often a phone call is set up by the adoption agency or lawyer. This is usually a conference call and questions are sometimes scripted so that all prospective adoptive parents get the same questions. If the birth mother feels there is a potential match, she can request an interview.

Interview

The birth parent interview with the prospective parents may be held at a restaurant with the prospective parents understanding they are to pay for the meal. The counselor helping the adoption process will most likely also be there. This is the time when birth parents can assess if the family is a really good match with more in-depth questions than what were given in the phone interview.

After this entire process, there are a variety of factors a birth mother will evaluate in choosing the new parents. Many focus on education, religion, and the stability of the home. They prefer to know that their child will have a good chance at being well-educated and that the family doesn't move around too often and the marriage is sound. She will be anxious to know their views on open adoption and how much contact they will allow her after the adoption takes place.

The deciding factor in all these communications can end up being the fact that birth parents are musically inclined, like the birth mother, or have hobbies and skills that the birth mother appreciates. It's hard to tell what will swing the vote, but mostly both adoptive parents and birth mother can tell upon the interview if they are a good match without hesitation.

Another set of factors may be the cultural heritage of the couple or their expressed religious faith. If it closely matches the birth mother's values, the birth mother will know her child is being raised in a similar environment to her own. Language barriers may also be a reason why a birth mother chooses close to her own culture, plus the understanding that the child will have good roots in a family that can support it, but also roots in its ethnicity and people.

There are many ways a birth parent chooses the family for her baby. It is a long and involved process but one that can bring a sense of peace to the birth mother and the joy of a new child to adoptive couples. Establishing good, honest communication during the adoption process between the birth parent and the adoptive parents is a skill they will need to continue on with a process that can last a lifetime.

Martha Osborne is an adoption advocate, adoptive mom and adoptee. She is also the editor of the online adoption publication, RainbowKids.com, the leading online resource for adoption and waiting children. http://www.rainbowkids.com

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Games Of The Past Meet The Present

Writen by Brandie Valenzuela

Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters' children for a couple days, when she and her husband traveled to a bed and breakfast for some much need rest and relaxation. They don't have a chance to get away that often, so I was more than happy to help them out for this little getaway. And, well, I would hope that she would do the same thing for me.

Once I agreed to taking care of her children, reality set in. My sister has six children, and while the youngest wouldn't be staying with me, all the others would be. Add those five children to my three, you have eight, and add that to my small apartment and you have enough to drive any mom up a wall! How would I keep eight children occupied in my small home, without spending a lot of money?

One of the first activities we played was Twister. Twister was a gift for Christmas, so it was a game the children were still learning. As I watched them play, my I started thinking about the games my siblings and I played as children -- those easy games that usually required no extra supplies. There were six of us, and I can remember keeping ourselves occupied with old favorites such as "Mother May I?" and "Old Maid". After reminiscing, I decided that I would take this opportunity to teach them these favorite games.

I am not sure who had more fun with it, but I taught them several of the games I played as a young child, and everyone had the greatest time. I taught them "Red Light, Green Light" and "Red Rover", among others. Even the older children had fun playing "London Bridge" for the sake of the little ones. Want to know the best part? It has been over a week since I taught the kids these games, and on several occasions, I have caught them playing them on their own. Now, what could be better than that?

I encourage you to think back to some of your favorite childhood games. Did you love to play "Simon Says"? When was the last time you built a hopscotch? Do your children even know that there is actually a way to play marbles? Think of your favorites, and start teaching them to your children. Not only do most of these games require very little supplies, if any, but they show your children that there are fun activities that don't have to be plugged in.

If you need some inspiration, the following websites offer instructions on many popular childhood games:

"Games Kids Play" http://www.gameskidsplay.net/index.html

"Parent Soup: Games" http://www.parentsoup.com/archive/0,9372,263145,00.html

"PBS: Zoom" http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/zoom/games/index.html

©2002 Brandie Valenzuela

About The Author

Brandie is a freelance writing mother of three children. She is also the editor of the Family First Newsletter, the HomeMade Living ezine, and other services for parents. To find out more about Brandie's creations, visit: http://www.bmvcreations.com

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Science For Kids Is There A Doctor In The House

Writen by Elva O'Sullivan

From a young age, children are curious about their bodies. As they learn to talk, toddlers find joy in being able to point to, and identify, their own various parts. Teaching kids about their anatomy is a fun and easy activity that can be done in the home with very accessible materials - themselves! Not only does this become an educational endeavor, but, in the event of an accident, a child will be able to describe where he/she has been hurt.

Pre-school children probably have a pretty good idea of what makes up their outsides. Because of repeated quizzing by parents -Where are Luke's teeth? Where's his nose?, etc., three year olds are well versed in their overall make up. There are songs that can help with this, too. One very popular tune for toddlers and pre-schoolers: "Head and shoulders, knees and toes...eyes, ears, mouth and nose," calls attention to the total body and to its facial components.

Lessons in joints, like elbows, ankles and wrists can also be absorbed by the pre-school set. As your child gets a little more capable with more complex vocabulary, try substituting the real anatomical names for these body parts in the song: "Cranium, humerus, patella, phalanges", etc. It's silly, but you can all get a laugh and learn at the same time.

Inside your child, there is another world worth exploring! Children 3-5 years of age can appreciate that their brain, the part that makes them smart, sits inside their head and looks something like a cauliflower.

In their chest to the left, they will note, is found their heart which makes an interesting beating sound. Inexpensive stethoscopes, that really work, can be purchased in most finer toy stores and children love to listen to everybody's heart with these.

Older children can appreciate that they breathe with help from two sacks, in their chest, called lungs.

Also, tap on your five year old child's knees, elbows, skull and so on, and explain that those hard things are called 'bones' and that they help in standing up straight. Remind them to drink lots of milk to keep these bones strong. You get the idea. Even if your own education did not include a course in anatomy, you'll find that you know more about it than you think! So, pass it on to your children. They'll love learning what makes them tick!

© 2003 -2008 Science With Me® LLC. All rights reserved.

You are free to use this article, in whole or in part, as long as you include the complete contribution, including a live web site link. Also, please send and email notifying me (Elva O'Sullivan at elva@sciencewithme.com) where and when the material will appear. Thanks.

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Dr. Elva O'Sullivan's education includes a B.Sc. (Hons) in Chemistry from University College Dublin, Ireland and a Ph.D. in Chemistry from Clarkson University, New York. In addition to her broad teaching experience she has extensive applied industrial experience and has worked at W. R. Grace, Wyeth, American Cyanamid Company and BASF Corporation, the world's leading chemical company. She is a certified RESULTS® coach and a graduate of Corporate Coach University. Her professional memberships include the American Chemical Society (ACS), the National Science Teachers Association, Coachville and the Graduate School of Coaching. She is currently the CEO of Science With Me! LLC.

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Your Little Chatterbox Babys Eighth Month Guide

Writen by Michelle Higgins

You have been yearning for your baby to move about and spread cheer. Well, now you might want to reconsider that wish. Your baby is in his eighth month and has started crawling. His growing curiosity will lead him to explore every possible nook and corner.

Milestones in baby's seventh month

Your eight month-old baby can sit all by herself, for longer periods. She can say 'dada' and 'mama', but not always to the right person! Her teeth are erupting and she likes to chew on objects. You can ease her discomfort by giving her cold teething rings to chew on.

She will probably try to reach the feeding bowl, wanting to feed herself. She will turn away her head firmly when she wants to eat no more! She will chatter with immense enthusiasm (though you seem to make no sense of it!). You are now a pro in interpreting your baby's cues.

Destination mouth!

Your inquisitive eight month-old baby finds every object in his way exciting enough to be probed by his mouth! You might be even disgusted to see the range of objects that reach destination mouth. Be careful not to keep any poisonous or sharp objects within his reach.

Snack-time

In baby's eighth month, you can give her some mashed foods (which are coarser) in addition to pureed foods. Feed her mashed potatoes, bananas, carrots, steamed apples or any vegetables. Avoid big chunks, seeds, corn, nuts, grapes and popcorn. They can cause choking. You don't need to add salt or sugar to baby foods.

Catch your forty winks

How you pine for the luxury of a few hours of sleep (If you still believe that word exists in your dictionary, of course!). It is crucial to develop and encourage your baby to sleep through the night, unless you want to turn into an irrevocable insomniac! Your eight month-old baby's life has just turned so exciting that he will be restless and unwilling to go to bed. Decide an appropriate time and routine for your baby to go to sleep and stick to it! Make him sleep in his own bed every time and let him realize you will be gone until morning. Baby's eighth month is the right time to try and make him more independent.

Pat-a-cake!

Did you observe your baby imitates everything you do? Move her hands gently to play pat-a-cake and try gestures. Peekaboo is an all-time favorite. Divert her attention to different sounds like a dog's bark, running water, and name the source of the sound to her.

House in a mess?

With an eight month-old baby around, it is tough to keep your house sparkling clean. You might hate the clutter your baby makes, but do give him the pleasure of making a mess. The more he explores and handles, the more he learns. You can always clear up later at the end of the day, and use this occasion to teach him a lesson in tidiness.

Pamper your eight month-old baby and enjoy every precious moment of his growing up.

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This article has been provided by ParentingSurvivalGuide.com.

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Feeling Words And Expressions

Writen by Judy H. Wright

If you came from a family where you were not allowed to express your true feelings, you may not even be aware of the range of feelings that are normal and experienced every day. In communication with your family you may find yourself overusing the old stand by's of "Mad, Sad and Happy."

Communication based on mutual respect

Mutual respect means that children and parents allow each other to express their beliefs and feelings honestly and without fear of rejection. You may not agree with what is being shared, but you do agree they have the right to their feelings.

Use of "I" statements

When we start a conversation by saying "You always.." the other person automatically puts up defenses. Instead in using a statement on how the behavior makes you feel, you will not be laying blame and the child is more likely to listen. In most cases, it is not the behavior that is frustrating you but the possible consequences it will produce for you. A simple formula is stating;

1. When (behavior) 2. I feel (feeling) 3. because (state the consequence)

So instead of blaming a child, you might say, "When I see toys all over the living room, after I have asked you to pick them up, I feel like I am not being heard and it hurts my feelings.Because the toys are still here, we have two choices, either you pick them up or I will pick them up and put them away for a day."

Tune into non-verbal clues

Verbal language is communication of information. Nonverbal language is communication of relationships. Watch for clues on how your child is really feeling. Acknowledging these clues allows the child to express his feelings. For instance: "when you roll your eyes that way, I think you don't agree, is that right?" "Your frown tells me you are concerned about something. Want to talk about it?"

Words reflecting "upset" feelings

Children need to understand that there are many varying degrees of upset feelings. Some such examples are: abandoned, accused, angry, anxious, bored, defeated, difficult, disappointed, discouraged, disgusted, disrespected, doubt, embarrassed, frightened, frustrated, guilty, hate, hopeless, hurt inadequate, incapable, left out, miserable, put down, rejected, sad, stupid, unfair, unhappy, unloved, worried, worthless.

Words reflecting "happy" feelings

Just as there are varying degrees of upset feelings, there are just as many different words to describe happy emotions, such as accepted, amused, appreciated, better, capable, comfortable, confident, encouraged, enjoy, excited, glad, good grateful, great, happy, joyful, love, pleased, proud, relieved, respected, satisfied, silly.

Family: Feeling Words and Expressions © Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator and Author http://www.ArtichokePress.com

About the author:

This article was written by Judy H. Wright, author and international speaker on parenting and family issues. Please share with friends and associates, but please include this resource and contact box. For a full listing of books, articles, tele-classes and workshops, go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com You may also sign up for FREE articles and newsletters.

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A Mom Grows Up

Writen by Carolina Fernandez

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Robert A. Heinlein

Our harsh winter appears to have left us for good-at least until November-and the veritable heat wave we're experiencing now has left us with a supreme case of Spring Fever. Folks are outside gardening, children are scootering, and shoppers are-once again-strolling throughout downtown.

And Little League has officially begun.

We are brand new to Little League, my husband and I. We've got the soccer thing down pat, and the basketball, lacrosse, and tennis thing, too. But none of our kids have ever played baseball. My oldest expressed interest some ten years ago-and actually played a season's worth of T-ball-but having never been one to enjoy sitting on hot bleachers while pregnant-as seemed to be the case every other Spring-we never particularly encouraged the sport. But funny how mellow one becomes with the fourth kid. Call it him needing to discover a sport tackled by no older sibling, call it him trying to carve a unique niche in the family. or call it late fortysomething parents who are letting the fourth kid practically raise himself: we have become Little League parents now whether we like it or not.

And what a glorious celebration of the sport we had this weekend! With temperatures soaring into the 60's, blue skies, and none of the rain we've endured all week, several hundred moms and dads arrived at our high school stadium early on Saturday morning to experience Little League's "Opening Ceremonies." Kids met their coaches and team managers on the parking lot ramp to assemble into teams; parents made their way into the stadium, finding shaded bleachers to enjoy quick chats with neighbors and friends, their early morning Starbucks and-if they were lucky-a brief read of one section of The New York Times.

In true New England small-town style, we rose for an invocation led by a local minister, patriotically recited the Pledge of Allegiance, and stood awestruck as a Little League mom sang one of the most magnificent renditions of the National anthem I'd ever heard. All in the name of America's favorite pastime.

Teams paraded onto the field, one by one, with coaches' and managers' names announced via megaphone, kids waving to moms and dads in the stands, and parents cheering wildly for their hometown-business-sponsored-kid's team.

But if the kids were cute at the kick-off, they were utterly adorable at their games. These little boys, unable to run upstairs at bedtime, ran quickly and aggressively from base to base as if their little lives depended on it. These same boys, who couldn't run a comb through their hair in preparation for church on Sundays, had their heads all figured out with perfectly situated caps, proudly worn, as if a badge of American honor. Some of the boys, having played for a couple years, handled the ball with finesse well beyond what one would expect from 8-year-olds. Batters hit home-runs, mid-fielders-with mitts facing skyward-caught well-hit balls, and little boys, barely able to recite their times tables, recited the number of runs by each team perfectly.

It was with middle-aged wisdom that I watched dads shouting out commands to their sons. "Thumbs up!" or "Steal to third!" screamed the guys next to me. Still trying to get a baseball head on my shoulders, I would only humiliate myself confessing to you my lack of knowledge of the game. Don't get me wrong: when Victor batted a great ground ball, I screamed like every other mom: "Run...run!" But as an older-O.K., perhaps the oldest-parent in the stands, I brought not knowledge or experience to the game. That I certainly didn't possess. I brought to this fourth child of mine's game the ability-finally-to sit and revel in his enjoyment in playing a sport. In learning something new. With no preconceived notions of how well he should perform. Or how he stacked up to other kids his own age. Of how coordinated or uncoordinated he was. Or of if he'd ever be able to get into college on this.

I brought to this game the quiet resignation that this was going to be my life for possibly the next ten Springs. But I also brought to those bleachers joy previously encumbered by baby's nursing schedules and toddler's nap schedules. Joy that never fully blossomed with my other kids because I was too busy for it.

This weekend I was able to see it exactly for what it was. And allow it to take hold of me. Exactly how it was supposed to.

I brought to my other kids' sporting events exhaustion, frustration, and apprehension. But for this fourth and youngest, I was able to bring pure unadulterated delight. And that, for me, is growth.

Carolina Fernandez earned an M.B.A. and worked at IBM and as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch before coming home to work as a wife and mother of four. She totally re-invented herself along the way. Strong convictions were born about the role of the arts in child development; ten years of homeschooling and raising four kids provide fertile soil for devising creative parenting strategies. These are played out in ROCKET MOM! 7 Strategies To Blast You Into Brilliance. It is widely available online, in bookstores or through 888-476-2493. She writes extensively for a variety of parenting resources and teaches other moms via seminars, workshops, keynotes and monthly meetings of the ROCKET MOM SOCIETY, a sisterhood group she launched to "encourage, equip and empower moms for excellence." Please visit http://www.rocketmom.com.

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Its Not Always Easy To Find Child Care Providers

Writen by Ian Henman

Just recently my daughter had her very first child. She had the first three months off for maternity leave from work, but after that was intending to go back full time. Of course when she does start back to work she is going to need to find child care for her new baby, talking to co-workers she found out good child care providers can be difficult to find. She preferred that her baby find a place in a home setting so she began her search calling child care providers licensed by the local social services agency.

She started by calling social services and asking for the list of child care providers that are in her area. What she was told was a big surprise to her, she was going to have to pay for the list. Since social services actually charges for the list it is quite extensive. It lists names, phone numbers, addresses, and the details from their license. Some of the details included are how many children they're licensed to care for as well as the names of any child care aids in their employ. She brought the list over to my house and we started the search looking for the right child care provider for her new baby.

Our first step was finding child care providers on the list that were close to her home. Most of the day cares were either full or were already caring for a young baby. Child care providers care allowed to only care for 2 infants at a time. When we spoke with one provider she told us that she had an opening in approximately six months, and we could go on the waiting list. My daughter agreed, but now she had to find an interim solution for those six months. We found someone with an opening , how ever it was in the opposite direction that my daughter must travel each morning to work. While this was going to add on an additional 40 minutes in the morning and afternoon to her commute she was running out of options. She had no idea it would be so difficult finding a child care provider, if she had she would've started the process a lot earlier.

After spending 2 weeks driving the additional distance every morning and night, trying her best to adjust to getting herself and the baby ready in the morning my daughter decided their must be a better scenario then this. Then it was suggested to her to try a day care center, at least until the opening in her area for the infant opened up. There was a day care center very close to her office, only 3 blocks away. She took the time to drop by and visit the center and was very pleased with the level of care taken with the kids. Also she'd be able to go see the baby on her lunch hour every day because of the location. She decided to give the day care a try. After only a month she was so happy with the situation she decided to remove her name from the nearby child care provider in her neighborhood and just rely on the day care center.

For more articles and information on family and parenting topics visit our website at Family Success Tips

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Defrazzle With Hug Therapy

Writen by Darlene Hull

"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it keeps you healthier, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it's invigorating, it's rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug"

Unknown

Sometimes life gets so hectic that our nerves are frazzled, our tempers are short, and we feel totally disconnected from those that are important to us.

Want to know a simple way to fix that? Reach out and hug someone.

According to some research, we need about 7 hugs a day to be healthy. Most of us don't get that in a month. Mark Katz, M.D., Member of L.A. Shanti's Advisory Board says:

"How important are hugging and physical and emotional contact for people affected by life - threatening illnesses? In my work, I have found that people who receive nurturing maintain a better outlook on their situation -- and historically, positive attitude is an important factor in long-term survival. Hugging and physical contact make a difference in a person's frame of mind, and may help their medical condition. Best of all, hugging has no side effects and does not require a trip to the doctor."

So, what happens if you're not a hugging family? Start by simply touching your family – a pat on the back, a light touch on the arm. As you receive permission and encouragement, increase your touches to include a "side hug". Just remember to always respect a person's boundaries.

Here are some tips on how to hug depending on what you want to communicate by Kathleen Keating, R.A., M.N., author of The Hug Therapy Book:

* The Bear Hug--ideal for two individuals of disproportionate sizes and for saying, "You're terrific," or "You can count on me".

* The A-Frame--Brief embrace ideal for little-known relatives and situations requiring a bit of formality. All of the hugging takes place above the neck. This hug communicates polite caring or detached warmth. Great for new huggers.

* The Cheek Hug--A tender hug that can be executed sitting or standing. This hug says "I'm sorry you're disappointed," or is ideal to share joy or greet an elderly relative.

* The Group Hug--Great for good friends sharing an activity or project. Group hugs communicate support, security, affection, unity and universal belonging.

If you really need a hug and don't have the permission from your family members to hug them, go visit an old folk's home and start hugging the residents. It will not only help you, but it might even increase and improve the lives of those you hug!

Darlene Hull, www.mom-defrazzler.com

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Darlene Hull is a local, ordinary, imperfect mom who sees her mission as helping moms look after themselves so that they can better look after their families. Darlene is married to Tom and has two children – Simon (12) and Christina (10.5) whom she home schools. You can find out more about her on her website at http://www.mom-defrazzler.com and even download a free "Mom-Defrazzler" while you're there.

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10 Commandments For Parenting

Writen by Michael Grose

Here are the wisest commandments ever commended to parents:

1.Thou shalt be consistent: Do as you say you will. Children know where they stand when you are consistent, follow through and mean what you say.

2.Thou shalt expect children to contribute (without being paid): Expect children to help at home but don't expect them to do so graciously all the time. Here is a question to ask yourself from time to time: What do your children do that someone else relies on?

3.Thou shalt encourage regularly and persistently: Remember that encouragement and praise will get children a lot further than criticism and punishment so be your child's best encourager rather than his fiercest critic. Encouragement helps a child link his or her self-esteem to the process, rather than the results of what they do.

4.Thou shalt put responsibility where it belongs: Treat children and young people as you want them to be. If you want responsible, capable children then treat them as if they are responsible. The best way to develop responsibility is to give it to children.

5.Thou shalt be know that children and young people only see one side of any issue. Thou shalt take everything they say with a large grain of salt. Not that children and young people lie, but they have been known to exaggerate or see facts only from their side.

6.Thou shalt show love and affection to your children. Thou shalt say you love each of your children at least once a day. Knowing they are loveable is the basis of self worth, regardless of their age.

7.Thou shalt catch children and young people behaving well. Pay attention to your children's positive behaviour more than their negative behaviour. What you focus on expands so if you focus on the positive behaviour that is what you generally get. Give descriptive feedback so that your children know what they did well. E.g. "That was great the way you two worked out the TV-watching problem without arguing. You both compromised a little which is smart."

8.Thou shalt develop independence in children from the earliest possible age. Never regularly do for a child the things he or she can do for him or herself. Remember, your job is to make yourself redundant.

9.Thou shalt set limits and boundaries for children and expect that they will push against them. Children and young people need limits and boundaries as they make them feel secure.

10.Thou shalt keep a sense of humour when dealing with children. This will help you keep things in perspective. It may seem improbable some days but they will soon grow up and be out of your hair and be a living, breathing reflection of YOU.

The 11th (and most important )commandment:

Thou shalt be a good role model for your children. Show rather than tell children and young people how you want them to communicate, behave and live. Children learn what they live and, as parents, your actions speak louder than your words.

Michael Grose, a popular parenting expert, shows you practical ways to raise happy, confident, well-behaved kids and resilient teenagers. Improve children's confidence and behaviour now and get Michael's free ebook '25 ways to speak so children will listen' at http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and get regular updates to build your 21st Century parenting manual.

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A Guide To Kids Communication For Parents

Writen by Gabriel J. Adams

When it comes to communication, times have definitely changed. When we were kids, talking to each other meant an occasional phone call, or waiting until we saw each other in school the next day. Now, teens and even younger children have access to so many forms of communication that they are never at a loss to talk to each other. Chatting via instant messenger, email and even cell phone text messages are all commonplace for today's youth – but what does all of this technology mean for parents? Here are some facts you should know about the way kids talk with each other.

Chances are, you have a computer that's hooked up to the Internet in your home. This means that your children have the ability to talk to their friends via email (electronic mail) or instant messaging programs. If kids want to talk to each other in real time, instant messaging is the way to go – users just download a simple program (two popular ones are AOL Instant Messenger and Yahoo! Messenger) and they are able to type messages to each other as long as both parties have the program. This form of communication can be great for keeping in touch with friends, but can also invite unwanted strangers to try to talk with your children. It's important to make sure you know what your kids are doing on line at all times.

Another way kids talk to each other without actually speaking is via text message. This form of chatting requires a teen (or even a younger child) to have a cell phone equipped with text messaging software and service. Text messaging services can be bundled with your regular cell phone service, or they can be an additional fee-based service (where you are charged either per text or a flat fee per month). Text messaging offers kids a way to send short messages to each other via the cell phone, but does not require actually speaking on the phone. While this can be good for occasional use, sometimes kids get a bit caught up text messaging and can either run up large bills or disrupt their classes in school. If you are planning to let your child use text messaging on their cell phone, it's important to teach them about proper usage.

Today's youth has many more choices when it comes to staying in touch – and while this can be a good thing, it may also be disruptive to important aspects of their lives such as school work. As a parent, be sure to make your child aware of proper computer and cell phone usage, and keep yourself informed about your child's activities both on line and in real life.

Visit the Free Text Messaging site.

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Parenting Tips How To Prerpare For The Prodigal

Writen by Jeff Herring

"Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope."

- John Ciardi

The above quote reminds me of the proverb that says "raise up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it."

What the proverb implies, and most parents miss, is that at some point, our kids are going to "depart from" all the good stuff we have tried to teach them.

Getting ready for your prodigal

Not all kids become prodigals. So I am not saying that you need to expect your child to become a prodigal.

I am saying that as parents we need to be prepared for their chosen field of departure and be prepared beforehand.

Here are two strategies to help you get prepared -

1. Prepare for how you will respond to the many different ways in which kids can "depart."

2. Make sure, even if all you are holding onto is hope, that you keep the kind of relationship with them that provides a place to return to when they are done departing - even if it takes longer than you ever thought possible - once you are a parent, they are always and forever your "child."

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .

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Ten Terrific Ideas For Rainy Day Fun

Writen by Katelyn Thomas

It's been raining for a week and the kids and bored and restless. How do you cure those rainy day blahs? Try some of these parent tested and kid approved ideas and your children will be hoping for another rainy day when the sun finally peaks through.

1. Share a book. Pick an action packed, funny book and take turns reading aloud. Some great choices are My Brother Louis Measures Worms by Barbara Robinson, The Great Brain by John Fitzgerald or Amelia Bedelia by Peggy Parrish. For more great reads, check with your local library. Your librarian should have reading lists available.

2. Put on a play. Your children can write their own play and act it out or make paper bag puppets for additional fun. A great book for quick and easy skit ideas is The Skit Book by Margaret Read MacDonald.

3. Go on an indoor picnic. Put out a blanket and pack a basket full of goodies. For a quick but special picnic lunch, jazz up ordinary sandwiches with cookie cutters in animal shapes.

4. Hold rainy day Olympics. Make the events things that can be done in the house, such as standing on one leg or seeing who can make his bed the fastest. Give the winners chocolate coins instead of medals. 5. Learn a new craft or hobby. Check your local library for instructional videos that will tell you how to knit, crochet or paint and buy enough supplies for everyone to give it a try. If you decide to learn to knit or crochet, your children can make scarves or blankets to donate to a local shelter.

6. Hold a fancy dress party. Put together a trunk of old cocktail dresses, suits, fancy hats, and costume jewelry. Have everyone dress up and give prizes for the most creative and fancy costumes.

7. Go on safari. Make an indoor tent by draping a blanket over a table or several chairs. Serve trail mix as a snack and provide binoculars for hunting wild animals. Then pull up a cushion and read Maurice Sendek's Where the Wild Things Are or play a video or DVD about wild baby animals.

8. Get ready for a yard sale. Work with your children to clean out the attic, garage and bedrooms. Clean and price all the items and box them up by category so that you can quickly set up your sale on the next sunny weekend.

9. Have an indoor market. Buy snacks, activities, and other inexpensive items and set up a store table for each child. Provide market baskets and spare change so they can buy from each other and make sure you stop by the shops, too. For additional fun, let them keep their profits to restock their shops for the next rainy day.

10. Make portrait cookies. Buy a sugar cookie mix, a gingerbread cookie cutter, colored icing and sprinkles. Roll out the sugar cookies and help the kids cut out their people and then let them decorate the gingerbread men to look like themselves, friends and family. For additional fun, find dog or cat cookie cutters so your children can include the family pet.

Katelyn Thomas is the editor for Cecil Child, a free online parenting magazine for Cecil County residents at http://www.cecilchild.com

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13 Things For Your Child To Do Instead Of Watch Tv

Writen by Carrie Lauth

C'mon, admit it. You sometimes use the television set as a cheap babysitter. That's ok...we ALL do it sometimes! Ah, but it's a double-edged sword, because kids who watch a lot of TV have trouble keeping themselves entertained, which in the long run makes your job harder!

If you're trying to limit the TV viewing in your household, you might need a little inspiration. Try these TV-free activities guaranteed to keep the kids busy... at least for a little while!

1) Make paper airplanes
Warning: This one is highly addictive! My two boys absolutely love making paper airplanes. Buy them a book on the fine arts of paper airplane making, and then put your feet up and read a book.

2) Make a tower with toothpicks and peas
Go ahead- encourage them to play with their food!

3) Make homemade ice cream
Put two parts milk and cream and one part sugar in a coffee can, with any flavorings you want. Put the lid on, then put it in a bigger can and pour ice around the little can. Put rock salt on the ice. Put a lid on the big can, and give it to your child to roll it back and forth for about 1/2 hour or until it turns into ice cream! (Do this one even if it's winter...I won't tell!)

4) Give them a magnet and instruct them to run it all over the house and see what they find.
And loose couch change is fair game!

5) If you have bunk beds, put blankets around the lower one and make a submarine. Make it a yellow blanket. Then sing the appropriate Beatles tune.

6) Play First Family Savings and Loan
Save your cancelled checks and fake credit cards that come in the mail. Supply the kids with a calculator, pencils, small table and Monopoly money. This one was my favorite as a kid!

7) Build a mini log cabin with twigs

8) Have a tic-tac-toe tournament

9) Make your own soda.
Do a Google search to find an easy recipe

10) Make a card for Grandma.
Get out the rubber stamps, art supplies and construction paper and make a greeting card for Grandma or another loved one.

11) Bake a cake
Buy the kids an easy cake or brownie mix and let them loose in the kitchen. Tell them they can enjoy the fruits of their labors as long as they clean up all mess.

12) Make up a treasure hunt
Buy cheap dollar store toys. Hide in your closet. Make a list of items they must find outside. (A white rock, a feather, a red leaf, a penny, etc) Tell them an exciting booty awaits when they bring all the items to you.

13) Make a cave inside the house.
Put old blankets over the backs of chairs or over a table to make a tent. Grab a flashlight and instruct child to go read scary stories inside it.

http://www.InsteadofTV.com is a resource for parents trying to turn off the TV and turn on life. Sign up for our free newsletter and get "101 Things To Do Instead of Watch TV".

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How To Deal With Teasing At School

Writen by Wayne Po

It inevitably happens to everyone. Some more than others.

Whether it's because you wear big glasses, you're not wearing the coolest clothes, you're too tall or too short or big or too small – teasing is a timeless "activity" that never goes out of style (unfortunately).

So, how do you deal with it without having to resort to physical violence?

Here are a couple of tips that I've learned:

1. Walk away. When kids, teens or even adults tease one another, they do it because they want to get a reaction out of you. They enjoy seeing you squirm, get upset and feeling bad about yourself.

   Mostly they do it so they can make themselves feel better by making others feel bad about themselves. (yes, I do feel sorry for those teasers).

   When the teasers begin to find that their teasing no longer affects you, no longer gets a reaction out of you, they inevitably stop (and most likely move onto another target). It's no longer fun for them.

   So, don't give them what they want. Don't react, just walk away and ignore them.

2. I've found that tip #1 works the best, but what if you can't walk away? What if they corner you in and you can't push your way out? Firstly, I would keep with ignoring them. Stand there with a straight face (as if you're waiting for the silliness to stop).

   If that doesn't work?

   Scream and yell "Help!" – bring as much attention to the teasers as you can. If you're on school grounds there should be monitors and teachers around that should hear you and come to help.

   If you're off-school grounds, I would yell "Fire!". If you yelled fire on school grounds, you may end up getting yourself in trouble so I would reserve this for off-school grounds.

These two tips are what I've found to work. Of course, each situation is different. Each person is different.

If you or your child is being teased at school or outside of school, talk to your child and tell them that they don't have to face this problem alone. Seek professional help, by no means should you take these tips as concrete advice but I hope it gives you a starting point.

Speak to the parties involved. Speak to teachers and principles as they have a responsibility to create a safe and comfortable learning environment.

There may also be a need to involve the teaser's parents as well. As they have a responsibility for the behavior of their child.

Wayne is the founder of BuildingSelfEsteem.net, an online resource offering practical tips and advice on improving self-esteem and self-confidence. Visit the website, http://www.buildingselfesteem.net

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The Spoiled Child Syndrome

Writen by Helene Rothschild

Were you an only child, or the first or last offspring who received a lot of attention from many family members? Or did you have a professional nanny to take care of you? Did you get everything you wanted whenever you wanted it? Do you believe that everything is coming to you and everyone should put their needs aside for you to be pleased?

If you are, you may be suffering from the spoiled child syndrome. As a Marriage, Family, Child Therapist for many years, I noticed that the clients who were spoiled had a very difficult time in their lives. They had inadequate people and coping skills. Unfortunately, without that being their intent, the parents did not prepare them for life.

Generally speaking, I found them to be emotionally weak and lacking self confidence; especially if their parent or parents gave them all they needed and wanted even in their adult life. They were not taught to be considerate of others and did not understand what was wrong and how to fix the problem.

The scenario was something like this. When they went to school and had to deal with other people beyond their family, they had a rude awakening. It was strange to them that others would not cater to them. In fact, their self centered behavior caused them rejection and shook their self-esteem.

Of course it affected all of their relationships, including their romantic ones. They often tried to numb their resulting pain and loneliness with addictions—workaholic, overeating, drugs, tobacco, or alcohol.

If you relate to this syndrome, here is some help.

1. Realize that you are special and so is everyone.

2. Know that we are all equally important and deserve to be heard and considered.

3. Express what you would prefer (avoid demands) and ask the other person(s) what they would like.

4. Honor other people's beliefs and desires.

5. Look to complement others.

6. Be generous with your time, energy and things.

7. Be considerate of others needs and wants.

8. Make sure that there are win-win solutions.

With these healthy goals in mind, you can overcome the spoiled child syndrome and experience joy and success.

©2006 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, author, teacher, and speaker. Her latest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART! Create Love, Joy, and Abundance-NOW!" A Unique Guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation. She offers international phone sessions, teleclasses, workshops, independent studies, books, e-books, MP3 audios, posters, articles, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com, 1-888-639-6390.

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Social Skills And Talking To Your Kids Negative Influences In Their Everyday Media

Writen by Ellen Mossman-Glazer

What used to be taboo, 'not for children' is in the media mainstream. Keeping your parental controls on all the violence, sexuality and other inappropriate information being marketed at your child every day is like chopping down a forest while new trees are sprouting behind you. Exasperated parents wonder how to counteract all the negative information their kids are bombarded with from TV, the internet, music and video. Removing it all from view is a tough job and unrealistic. The answer is simple but not always easy. To get your kids on board with you, you first have to get on board their ship. Parents, educators and caregivers have to find subtle ways to be involved and begin conversations about what their kids are interested in and exposed to.

This is especially important when working with your kids and adults with ADHD, Autism and Asperger Syndrome. Here are systematic steps to get your kids to be more open and receptive to discussing what they see and hear:

1. Find ways to be a part of what your kids like watch, play and listen to. This does not mean you become a devotee of their rock or rap groups. Your kids won't like it if you try to be them. You might casually ask to play a round of her video game or join him watching an episode of his TV show.

2. Open up dialog. Initiate conversations about your child's interests. If you watched a TV show together, show your interest with non-judgmental questions. Asking for factual information is safe and gets you up to speed on the characters. "What was she in trouble for?" "Did she ever date him?" As your child, gets the sense that your interest is genuine, you can sprinkle in some opinion questions. "What did you think about how he treated her?" Keep it light and short.

3. Be on the watch for teachable moments. As your child builds trust in your intentions, opportunities will present themselves for you to gently influence. If your child is not in the mood to listen, don't push. Keep showing up as an interested parent.

4. Listen to your child with full attention. Practice being silent longer than you speak. This shows up in both your words and your body language. Be face to face and focused on your child, not multi-tasking. If your child is on a talking streak, seize it as a great listening opportunity.

6. Make comments that show open mindedness. Ignore what turns you off. When your child feels you respect his world, you are opening a door to communication.

7. Ask open-ended questions that help him your child to think it through. "What did you think about the part where…?" Respect her answer and reflect back in a few words what you understand about your child's view. Then share yours in a few words.

8. Keep it simple. Young children need short, clear pieces of information. It does not change as they get older. Teenagers are leary of what comes across as lecturing. A little nugget of simple wisdom is more likely to stick with them.

9. Begin to show your interest when they are young. As they grow, it will be a natural thing for your children to talk about their world.

10. Be patient. Children's work is to sort out their experiences and, with your guidance, create their own set of solid, sensible values.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2005. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

Parenting Beyond Abcs And 123s Communicate Connect And Celebrate

Writen by Dr. Kelly Pryde

When my daughter was born in 2001, the wave of "baby genius" products was in the midst of flooding the market. Baby Genius, Brainy Baby, Baby Einstein, IQ Baby –- all of these products, which claimed to develop "great minds", were flying off the shelves. Toy manufacturers had also begun placing heavy emphasis on the "brain benefits" of their products –- language, spatial reasoning, problem-solving, eye-hand coordination. As a parent and child development expert, I couldn't help but think there was a little too much emphasis on raising a "brainy baby."

Toy store shelves today continue to be crammed with "smart toys." And while developmental toys are important for a child's learning, neuroscientists and child development experts agree that there's a whole lot more to child development than knowing colours, shapes and numbers…

More than ABCs and 123s, children need connection. They need loving caregivers to spend quality time with them to help them develop a sense of confidence about who they are and an ability to understand and interact effectively with others. The social and emotional skills that develop from positive connection are just as critical in the early years as intellectual development. In fact, research during the last 10 years in the area of emotional intelligence has indicated that social and emotional skills may be more important for success later in life than formal, academic skills.

So, as parents, what can we do to create this positive connection and begin developing these social and emotional skills in our children? I'd like to offer you the approach that I find most useful. I call it the 3C's -- communicate, connect, and celebrate…

Communicate -- One of our basic human needs is to feel seen, heard, understood, and appreciated. As parents, it's important to use positive words with our children, listen to what they have to say, and let them know their thoughts and feelings matter. When we foster positive communication in this way, it builds their self-confidence and their ability to communicate effectively with others.

Connect -- When it comes to optimizing development, nothing beats positive face-to-face interaction with a loved one. We make it a habit at our house to give each of our children at least 15-20 minutes of one-on-one alone time every night before they go to bed. During that time we read, talk about the day, and just snuggle together. Creating special one-on-one times like these develops the sense that "I am a person who matters" and lays the groundwork for positive interactions with other people.

Celebrate -- Celebrating is an essential ingredient to parenting. When we take delight in and provide unconditional approval for our children for who they are and for their qualities and accomplishments, they internalize several important messages. They learn to see themselves as wonderful and capable, to focus on the positive side of situations, and to recognize the accomplishments of others. We are currently in the process of potty training our 2-year-old, and anytime he successfully uses the potty, he claps for himself and his 4-year-old sister pats him on the back and says, "Good job, buddy!" Now that's celebrating!

Regardless of the approach you use, in the end, it's the little things that will make the biggest difference. If we take the time to communicate, connect and celebrate, our children will have the developmental edge every time.

Ideas for Action

Here are three ways you can put the 3 C's into action with your family:

1) When communicating with your child, practice the "stop, look and listen" technique. *Stop* what you're doing and *look* your child in the eye to give him your full attention. *Listen* and really hear what your child is saying. You can acknowledge that you are listening by nodding, smiling or raising your eyebrows. This technique will encourage your child to express himself and help him feel that he is heard and understood.

2) Schedule special one-on-one time with your child. For babies, you can set aside special time for an infant massage or to listen and dance to some fun music. For older children, planning a special outing such as going on a picnic or reading books at the local bookstore is a great way to connect.

3) Practice finding opportunities to celebrate your child's greatness. Catch her doing little things that make a difference and praise her actions, e.g., for sharing a toy or helping a sibling. Celebrate accomplishments such as first steps and attempting to zip a zipper without assistance. You can even delight in personal characteristics such as kindness, creativity, or curly hair. Most importantly, be consistent and genuine in your celebrations and have fun!

Copyright DreamKids 2006. All rights reserved.

Dr. Kelly Pryde is the President and Founder of DreamKids -- a company dedicated to celebrating, inspiring and developing the potential of children from birth and up. A consultant, teacher and mother of two, Kelly holds a Ph.D. in Psychology with expertise in child development and learning. To learn more about celebrating and developing your child's potential, visit: http://www.dreamkids.ca

Family Meetings 3 Behaviors That Dont Work

Writen by Jean Tracy

There are 3 behaviors that can upset any Family Meeting. As a kid, I had all three. In fact, my grandmother called me a "Butinski". I've never seen it spelled but it sounds like: But-in-ski. I was always butting in on the conversations between my mother and grandmother. I thought I'd have to wait forever if I didn't speak up. Of course, I didn't care for my cranky grandma and she didn't care for my interrupting.

How about your family, do these 3 behaviors get in the way of your communication?

1. Do your kids interrupt you?
Do you interrupt them?

2. Do any of your kids talk too much?
Do you talk too much?

3. Do your kids all talk at the same time?
Do you talk when your kids have the floor?

If any of the above behaviors interfere with your family communication, your family needs to change. Discuss speaking skills at the next Family Meeting. You might consider these:

3 Speaking Skills to Choose:

1. Interrupters have to wait.

2. Only one person gets to speaks at a time.

3. Set a time limit on speaking so that no one "over-talks" and everyone gets a turn.

As the parent, you are the leader. You have the privilege and the responsibility to model good communication. You have the privilege to teach your interrupters and "over-talkers" to wait their turn. You have the privilege and the responsibility to make sure your quiet children speak up too.

Good communication considers others feelings. This is not natural to most children yet all children can learn to communicate well. Just think how pleasant the family meetings will become. You'll be teaching your children speaking tools that work and your children will be learning skills for life. How's that for building character in kids?

Jean Tracy, MSS, Edmonds, WA, USA

Subscribe to Jean Tracy's Free Parenting Newsletter, Tips and Tools for Character Builders at http://KidsDiscuss.com
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You'll also find her new book, Character Building with the Family Meeting Diary at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com
Download Free Parenting Tips at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com too.

War Declared On Instant Messenger How To Stop Your Child From Wasting Their Life Away Online

Writen by Christopher Pizzo

Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is no such thing as "useful instant messaging". Your crafty child might try to take advantage of your lack of "Techie" know how when they say in that whiney voice... "But Mom…I'm IMing my friends about homework." Don't buy it! They are simply playing up the school is important bit so they can get you off their back.

To be fair, yes kids might spend a couple minutes discussing their school assignments. But for every 30 seconds of actual work, another 30 minutes are lost in useless chatter with the hundred or so "friends" on their buddy list! And if your child consistently pulls the "I didn't know the assignment" excuse, then bigger school problems than instant messaging are on the horizon.

You can easily stop the hours upon hours of instant messaging with one simple gesture… PULL THE PLUG! Now, I don't really mean to literally pull the plug out of the computer on your child. The last thing we want to do is get into a power struggle with your child, or break your $1500 computer.

No, what I mean is simply lay down the law. Allocate a specific period of instant messaging time per day. One hour of IMing is not going to kill anyone or their social life. And in that one hour time slot they will have plenty of time to discuss homework, their teacher, the new kid in class, or whatever.

Right now you might be saying, "That sounds great Chris, but what happens when my kid refuses to adhere to the allotted time?" When your child disregards your house rules it simply means they have too much free time on their hands. We all know that idleness is the devil's playground. It might be time to up their chore responsibilities. Or sign them up for an after school art class or even a sport or karate. Sometimes the best answer is to simply spend some quality time with them. Set up a time each day to play scrabble, take a walk or cook something together. It really doesn't matter what it is, just play to your kids interests and keep them busy.

The internet is a great tool, especially when it comes to education and homework. In the future we can expect to see an even greater merger of it with our every day lives. However, right now it's the great stealer of time. Getting sidetracked is very easy, (as some of you might know) and with the media induced, shortened attention spans of our children, whole young lives could waste away online. Teach your kids to use the Internet and Instant Messaging as intended. Sometimes we use it for work; sometimes we use it for play. Just be sure your kids know the difference between the two.

About The Author

Chris Pizzo is the President of Noble Learning Systems Inc. and the developer of the NEW "Amazing Homework Motivator" program.

Why are thousands of kids happily sitting down to do their homework each and every night?...Without a fight, an argument, or even a reminder? Click here now ==> http://www.HomeworkMotivator.com

Protect Children From Drowning Part 1 Layers Of Protection Around The Backyard Swimming Pool

Writen by Trey Collier

Drowning is often a "silent death" because a victim is usually unable to splash violently or call for help, as one might expect. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, drowning is the second leading cause of death for children 1-14 years old, and an extensive study performed by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) found that "75 percent of the children involved in swimming pool submersion or drowning accidents were between 1 and 3 years old." In addition, the CPSC's study revealed the following statistics:

• Most of the victims were being supervised by one or both parents when the swimming pool accident occurred.
• Nearly half of the child victims were last seen in the house before the pool accident occurred. Twenty-three percent of the victims were last seen on the porch, patio, or in the yard.
• Sixty-nine percent of the children who became victims in swimming pool accidents were not expected to be in or at the pool, but were found drowned or submerged in the water.

Protecting children from drowning or becoming submerged in a backyard swimming pool requires more than just a single safety device or barrier. Providing "layers of protection" is the best strategy for keeping children safe in and around the pool area.

Pool Fence or Barrier

The first layer of protection is the barrier that surrounds the pool area; generally, this is a pool fence or wall. Fences or other barriers on the perimeter of the pool area should be at least four feet high, and the spaces between slats or holes in the barrier should be small enough to prevent a child from gaining a handhold or foothold which would allow them access to the other side of the barrier. Opportunities for a child to get over, under, or through a barrier should not exist.

Any gates in the fence or wall that surround your backyard swimming pool should have the ability to close and latch by themselves so that there is no danger of the gates standing open for any length of time. In addition, gate latches should be placed out of the reach of children. An open gate or an easily reachable gate latch may be an invitation to a young child to explore your backyard swimming pool.

Door Alarm

Installing a door alarm may be necessary if one or more of the outside walls of your house acts as part of the barrier around the pool. Any door and/or screen that leads from the house to the pool area should be equipped with an alarm that sounds if the door is opened. Door alarms should be designed to sound within 7 seconds after a door is opened and for a duration of at least 30 seconds, and the sound of the door alarm should be loud and distinct to avoid confusing it with another alarm that may be in the house. In addition, door alarms should be equipped with a switch or keypad to allow adults to enter or leave through the door without the alarm sounding. This switch or keypad should be mounted high on the interior wall out of a child's reach.

Pool Safety Cover

The next layer of protection is a pool safety cover. Solar pool covers and winter pool covers are not safety covers. In fact, solar covers and winter covers are potentially deadly because a person of any size who steps out onto the cover while it is installed on the pool can quickly become trapped as the pool cover sinks into the water. Escape is extremely difficult without immediate assistance, and drowning can be the tragic result. When installed, a safety pool cover must be able to hold a minimum of 485 pounds per 5 square feet, according to the American Society for Testing and Materials' (ASTM) standard F1346-91.

Pool safety covers can be constructed from a mesh or solid material. Each type of pool cover is anchored to a deck with straps that pull the cover taut over the pool. The straps usually attach to stainless steel springs and are anchored to recessed brackets in a deck surface. A mesh pool cover prevents rain and snow from puddling on the top of the cover, but debris may accumulate in the pool while the cover is in use. A solid cover can keep more debris out of the pool, but it does not allow rain and snow to drain through; as a result, the pool cover can sag and present a drowning danger to small children who may wander onto the cover if not carefully supervised. Choosing a solid pool cover with drain panels or obtaining a cover pump to remove the accumulated water is recommended.

Pool Alarm

Yet another layer of protection is a pool alarm. Pool alarms come in different varieties: some are designed to detect disturbances in the water at surface level, some are designed to detect underwater disturbances, some act like motion detectors using infrared beams, and some are worn on the wrist and sound an alarm when the device is submerged. The topic of pool alarms is described in more detail in Part 2 of this article.

Conclusion

No matter how many safety precautions are taken to protect children from submersion and drowning accidents in the backyard swimming pool, close and constant supervision by a responsible adult is the most important "layer of protection" for ensuring the safety of children. Teaching children how to swim and providing them with flotation devices does not substitute for supervision, nor do these measures protect children from the dangers associated with swimming pools. Implementing most, if not all, of the protective measures described in this article is the best defense in preventing children from experiencing a "silent death" by drowning in the backyard swimming pool.

Sources:

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. http://www.cdc.gov/communication/tips/drowning.htm.
• U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Document 359. "How to plan for the unexpected: Prevent Child Drownings."
• U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Document 362. "Safety Barrier Guidelines for Home Pools."

Trey Collier is owner of BackyardCity.com - North America's finest Outdoor Casual Living Store, designed and created to help fashion the outdoor living space, deck, porch, or patio you've always dreamed of having. Since 2001, BackyardCity.com has offered internet customers quality outdoor living products at very reasonable prices. For more information on pool alarms, cover pumps, pool safety covers, and other pool supplies and equipment, please visit BackyardCityPools.com.

Kids And Tv Common Sense Saves The Day

Writen by Shelly Walker

Yet another study has come out telling us that kids and toddlers are spending too much time in front of the TV. So tell us something we don't already know…

As a mother and an educator, I am very concerned at the television/video game phenomena of the 21st century. On the other hand, I realize that television can be a useful tool and can actually be educational. I also realize that without the TV, my floors would never get vacuumed! So what's a caring parent to do? As with so many parenting issues, I find that a rational, common-sense approach to television is totally appropriate. Here are some guidelines that you might find helpful:

Babies:

Yes, we now have television for infants! I find that most babies are not even remotely interested in the cutsie videos created for them. And there's certainly no data to suggest that watching any video will make your baby smarter. However, I do find that babies respond to having their caregivers talk to them and sing along with movies. If you're going to watch TV with your baby, make sure to keep it interactive. Otherwise, just don't bother.

Toddlers:

Toddlers do have a little more interest in television than babies do. Once again, they will always get more out of a program if a caregiver is experiencing it with them and helping to "translate" the show into their language: "Did you see…" "Let's sing the song together…" "Count the _______ with me…" Limit the times when your toddler is in front of the TV alone. I know the seduction of 20 minutes alone to vacuum upstairs or sort the laundry, but try to limit it to just 20 minutes per day at the most.

Kids:

With our school-age children, there are really two concerns: what they're watching and how long they're watching it. A recent study has shown that school-age children are actually watching more "adult" television than "young" television. This is a real concern. There is no reason for an eight-year-old to be watching a crime-scene investigation show. You must set boundaries around what your children are watching. Use the parental guidelines that are now built into every single television program. And remember: just because it's animated, doesn't mean it is appropriate viewing material for your child! Make sure you sit down and watch a few episodes of any program your child is watching to ensure that it really is good for your particular child.

As for the amount of time spent in front of the TV, it's up to us parents to limit it. Most kids won't set time boundaries for themselves. During school breaks, we have a "no screens from 10 am to 2 pm" rule that works well for all of us. That way, we know that there are at least four hours that are dedicated to outside time or creative work away from the shows and the games. And we work to make sure that we're hiking, swimming and biking together as a family in the evenings, so we're all healthy and strong.

Teens:

By the time your child is a teen, he has pretty much set his patterns: is he a couch potato or is he so active that he barely gives the TV a glance? Probably, something in between these two extremes. The thing to do with your teen is to watch what she's watching and talk about it. This can not only be a great way to influence her decisions, but it can really help to open up those sticky lines of communication. Plop down on the couch next to your teen with a bowl of popcorn and see what's going on in her world!

By looking at your family's television habits with a little perspective and some common sense, you can find a happy medium. And remember to model healthy television watching patterns for your children. If you know how to turn the TV off, chances are, so do your children.

Straight talk from the mom who's been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. For more information, go to http://www.parentingkeys.com.

The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It

Writen by Rev. David B. Smith

An address given by Rev. David B. Smith (aka. 'Fighting' Father Dave)
at the Sydney Town Hall, February 21st 2003.  Dave was addressing students, parents & teachers at the Fort Street High School speech day.

"The inspiration of a noble cause involving human interests wide and far, enables men to do things they did not dream themselves capable of before, and which they were not capable of alone. The consciousness of belonging, vitally, to something beyond individuality; of being part of a personality that reaches we know not where, in space and time, greatens the heart to the limit of the soul's ideal, and builds out the supreme of character."
(Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, October 3, 1889)

Who was Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain I might ask. No, not the one-time British Prime Minister. That was a different Chamberlain. J.L. Chamberlain was a general in the American Civil War, who fought for the North. Why mention him today? It will remain a secret at this stage.

My name is Dave. I generally function under the persona of 'Father Dave'. That's because I am a priest -an Anglican priest. Apart from being a priest I am also a boxer and all-round martial arts master. I am also a 'youth worker' of sorts.

In some places in the world I would be granted an enormous amount of respect because I am a priest. In this community, I find I receive more respect that I deserve on account of my reputation for hitting people. I personally believe that the only role in that list that really demands respect is the one of 'Youth Worker'

Working with young people is hard. I used to be a young person. I was a hard young person to work with. I was a difficult student at school. I went on to be an argumentative University student and then a troublesome seminary student. I've left behind me a whole string of academic institutions that have been somewhat glad to see the back of me.

Now I've been working with hard and difficult young people in Dulwich Hill for the last twelve years (which may be God's way of paying me back). Some of the young people I've worked with have really got their lives together and gone on to bigger and better things. Quite a number of them have died - mainly from overdoses but also from car accidents (often in stolen cars) and from suicide. Others I'm still working with. They're just not quite as young as they used to be.

People ask me all the time 'Dave, what do you think is the biggest problem facing young people today'. Most people think I am going to answer 'drugs'.

I do not consider drugs to be the biggest problem young people are facing today. That's not because I don't think drugs are a big problem. I've worked with a lot of drug-addicted young people over the years. I have been robbed and manipulated by them, and I have watched many of them. Even so, I do not consider drugs to be the biggest problem plaguing our young people.

Some people think 'violence' is the biggest problem facing young people, and I am conscious of the fact that for young guys (in particular) problems of violence can still be a major issue. Violence is not nearly so big a problem in my area as it was five years ago, but we still managed to finish up one of our most recent blue-light discos with an all-in brawl in the streets. Problems of violence are alive and well in Dulwich Hill. Even so, I do not consider violence to the biggest problem facing young people.

Some people think in terms of lack of employment opportunities as the major issue. Others would speak in terms of family breakdown or problems of prejudice - all real issues. Personally though, I believe that the biggest problem facing our young people today is something a little less tangible. Personally I think the biggest problem I see with our young people is that most of them don't feel themselves to be a part of anything that is bigger than themselves.

Most young people I meet have tragically small horizons, very little ambition, and hence live in very tiny worlds. When I ask teenagers about what they would really like to do with their lives if they could do anything at all, most others speak in terms of getting something, whether that something be a horse or a car or a girl or just 'a lot of money'.

No one I speak to says 'If I could do anything I wanted I'd find a cure for cancer' or 'I'd negotiate a peace deal in the Middle East'. And this reflects, I believe, the fact that most young people I know have very narrow horizons. Indeed, most young persons I know seem to live in worlds that are not much bigger than themselves.

Go back a couple of generations and most European Australians were ready to lay down their lives for King and country. You wouldn't find many young people today willing to sacrifice themselves for Queen and country. You won't find many young people who have any real sense of loyalty to the Queen or to the country. Indeed, if you ask most young people what it means to be Australian, you won't generally get a reply that contains any ideals.

There are positives as well as negatives in this equation of course. Strong patriotism often goes hand in hand with strong prejudice against people of other nationalities. And our Australian cynicism towards our governing bodies at least means that we're not easily fooled by political propaganda. Even so, the downside of our 'loss of national identity' means that we've been thrust back upon ourselves and upon our peers to find some sense of personal identity.

Now if you're following me here at all you may well be thinking 'Yeah, Dave thinks that because he's working with a group of no good loser drug addicts. Hell, I don't know what happened to him since he left Fort Street, but that guy has been on a one-way downwardly mobile trip. Over here we've really got it all together.' Yeah? I don't know.

One of the most depressing groups of young people I've encountered in the past few years has been at my oldest daughter's school. She attends a different government run selective high school. I won't say which one. NOT THIS ONE! When she fist started school there they asked her whole class 'what did they want to be when they finished school?', and almost every other person there, apart from her, said 'a lawyer'.

Now people, maybe I've been prejudiced over the years by the enormous amount of time I've spent in juvenile courts and in the prison system, but it seems to me that if we're really on about building a better Australia, the last thing we need is more lawyers!

Now I know I shouldn't be black and white about this, but my daughter went around and asked her peers 'why do you want to be a lawyer?' Some of them answered 'because my dad is a lawyer' or something like that, but MOST of them said that it was because being a lawyer was a 'good job', by which they mean what ….? A job that can help a lot of people? NO! When people say a 'good job' they mean a job that makes a lot of money.

There was a time when we used to speak of the 'idealism of youth'. What's happened to that? When did youthful idealism get replaced by this 'I want to make a lot of money' mentality? Why do people who should know better want to make a 'lot of money'? Is it because you think you need a lot of money in order to survive? You don't! Is it because you think 'if I have a lot of money I will be really important and people will look up to me?' GET A LIFE!

Friends, I do not think that there is any greater tragedy in this community than a highly trained intelligent young person who has all the gifts and abilities necessary to really make a difference in this society, but who has no idea where to direct those gifts and abilities. It's like having a powerful loaded weapon and not caring where it's aiming when it goes off.

This is the tragedy: that most of our young people, I fear, drug-addicted and not drug-addicted, well educated as well as less well educated, winners as well as losers, live a life wherein 'my life is basically about me'. That's a tragedy.

One of my good friends is a guy called Mordechai Vanunu, who is still in prison in Israel for telling the world about all the nuclear bombs that his country has stockpiled. Morde has been in prison there now for 17 years. The worst thing about his prison term though was that he spent the first 11 and a half years in solitary confinement, which is one of the most torturous forms of human punishment - living in a world inhabited by one!

I see a similar tragedy taking place in the lives of so many of our young people who really have no hopes, dreams or ambitions in this life that go beyond themselves. What a small life to live! It's like trying to beautify the wallpaper in your own solitary cell!

It's this loss of idealism that I see as the greatest scourge afflicting our young people today, and my response to this situation is to teach these young people to fight, which might not seem like the most obvious solution to the dilemma to everybody.

The relevance of fighting to an individual's value system might not be immediately obvious to everyone, but I do seriously believe that pugilism and idealism are intricately linked. The bottom line is that I know that it all works.

I know that I've had an almost 100% success rate when it comes to taking in guys who have serious drug problems or violence problems, that by the time I get them to the side of the ring for a serious fight, they are no longer having problems with drugs or violence or any of those things, but have actually developed a real sense of who they are and what they are on about.

I know it works. I'm not sure I fully understand why it works, but I would note that if you go back to Plato's Republic, to the wisdom of the Ancient Greeks, you'll find that Socrates assigned a very high place to the value of 'themos', which we translate as 'aggression' or'fighting spirit'.

According to Socrates, no individual and no society is complete without properly developed 'themos'. Individuals and societies need to know how to fight if they are going to know real harmony and real justice.

The other authority I would appeal to today is Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:

" The consciousness of belonging, vitally, to something beyond individuality … greatens the heart to the limit of the soul's ideal, and builds out the supreme of character."

Chamberlain writes this out of his experience in the American Civil War - one of the most terrible wars in history.

Chamberlain was, ironically, a contemporary and a colleague of William Tecumseh Sherman who coined the phrase 'war is hell' and I don't think Chamberlain would have necessarily disagreed with Sherman. But Chamberlain also found that, for all its horror, war had one very positive side effect - it gave people a sense of belonging to something that was greater than themselves and so it could bring out the best in people.

Of course Chamberlain isn't the only person whose seen this. My old dears at the church used to say it all the time. "What these young people need is a good war" they used to say. Now they weren't stupid, and they knew as well as anyone else that the last thing we really need is a 'good war', but their point was that they felt young people needed some experience like they'd had in their youth, where they were forced to work together with a broad range of people across the community and to make sacrifices together as they committed themselves to a cause which was something far bigger than any of them as individuals.

Fighting has worked for me (and it's less costly all round than starting a war). Maybe it will work for you too. Find out! Come down and touch gloves with me. Do a few rounds. See how the experience affects you. (just don't all come at once)

Perhaps fighting is not your thing. That's OK. Find another way to get in touch with your ideals and values. Spend more time in church. Head up on a mountain by yourself for a couple of months and just think and pray about it. That works for some people. Just don't be content with a life that has no greater horizon than your own wealth and self-importance.

We live in an extraordinary society in an extraordinary period in human history. Think about it. At how many other points in history, and in how many other places in the world, have any group of people ever had the degree of choice about the future that we have today.

Think about it. The rest of your life lies before you and you can really choose to do with it just about anything you want to! Your options are really only limited by your imagination and your genetic potential. At how many times and places in human history has that been true?

If you were born a few generations back in a village you wouldn't have had these sorts of choices. Your dad was the village Smithy, so that's what you were going to be. If you were born on a farm you were probably going to stay on that farm until you died. If you were a teenage girl you probably already had a couple of kids by now and your path was fully set.

We're at the opposite end of the spectrum now. If you decide to spend the rest of your life entirely devoted to playing your guitar you can do it. You may become a great rock star, but even if you don't you won't starve. The government safety net will still support you in the end so that you can keep doing nothing but guitar playing if that's what you really want.

If you decide to devote the rest of your life to scientific research you can do that. If that's your vision and you're determined, nobody is going to stop you from giving your life to that.

If you want to devote your life to feeding the hungry and healing the sick you can do that, or if you just want to sit around on your bum all day too, you can do that too! The choice is yours.

But this is our dilemma. Never before in human history have we had such a wonderful variety of choices before us, and never before, I fear, have we had so little idea of what we should choose.

One final illustration from a Peace March: I trust that plenty of you guys made it to the recent Peace March, and good on you. Let me mention to you one placard that I heard about at a march. I didn't see it but was told about it. It said "nothing is worth dying for". I thought that this was very clever at first, but then it occurred to me if nothing is worth dying for, is anything worth living for?

Friends, I believe that there are things worth living and dying for. Find out what they are and live them! Live your life to the full. Fight the good fight. Keep the faith. And the blessing of God Almighty - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit - be amongst you and remain with you always. Amen!

'Fighting' Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker, professional fighter, author, father of three.

Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to help fund his work.  He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, has a sixth-degree martial arts black belt, and has received numerous awards for his work with young people.

Get a free preview copy of his book, 'Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist' when you sign up for Dave's newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

Teach Your Children How To Resolve Conflict Without Using Anger Or Power

Writen by Michael Grose

Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is perhaps the biggest challenge facing adults today. Children's disagreements both at home and at school can be noisy, physical and psychologically hurtful. The approach to conflict resolution learned and practised in childhood often stays for life.

Conflict is part of daily living. Effective people resolve conflict in ways that protect relationships, honour feelings and lead to a resolution. They neither avoid conflict nor do they use power to dominate others or win conflict.

It is useful for parents to provide a process for children to resolve individual differences peacefully and effectively. When two children have a disagreement that is upsetting to one or either then they may need adult assistance to resolve the conflict. One process that is both easy to learn and highly effective is the Face-Up conflict resolution process that is a variation on some common processes in use.

In the Face-up process children face each other and maintain eye contact. This helps for greater openness and understanding. It generally requires an adult to be present as a third party so parents may need to stick around to make sure it works effectively.

The steps involved in the Face-up process:

1. Safety first: To ensure safety and integrity it is important that both children are calm. Give them time and some help to regain control if they are angry or upset.

2. Feelings second: Using I-messages children tell each other how they feel about the situation. "I feel awful when you don't share your toys. I really feel like losing it because it is not fair." Focus on the feelings and don't let it get into recriminations or accusations.

3. Repeat third: Sometimes this process is enough to get a resolution or at least an apology. Repeat this procedure if necessary so both children feel they have been heard.

4. Resolve fourth: State the problem as you see it or as children identify it. Sometimes children just want to state their case and they will make their own suggestion about resolving it. "You can play with my old toys but I don't want you playing with my new toys for a while. They're special." "Okay."

5. Make-up fifth: An apology or an agreement is often enough however sometimes damage may need to be repaired or a follow-up talk from a parent about better behaviour may be appropriate.

Teaching children some simple rules for resolving conflict and a process such as the one above may well be one of the best investments in time and energy that a parent will make.

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.

For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

Playing The Sporting Game

Writen by Chick Moorman

Springtime means Little League, soccer, and other sports as children head to the out-of-doors to join teams that that help then have fun, get exercise, and learn to work together with teammates. But are the results of joining a team always positive? Can't the experience be embarrassing, shaming, or unrewarding?

Yes, playing on a team has the potential to be positive or negative, fun or frustrating, worthwhile or harmful. Parents, concerned about the effects of athletic programs on their children, need to be cognizant of several guidelines that will help their child have the best possible summer athletic experience.

Baseball, softball, soccer, horseback riding, swimming, hockey, or volleyball—the sport doesn't matter. The guidelines for parents remain the same. To show support for your child while encouraging and teaching, consider the following:

1. Find out who will be coaching your child. Has the league run background checks on the coaches? Sadly, in these times the person you least expect could be a predator. Trust, but verify. Is the coach an encourager or a screamer? Does he or she focus primarily on winning or on participation and teamwork? Does he let everyone play at least half the game? Does she allow team members to play different positions or are children pigeonholed into one position for the entire season?

2. Make sure your child is competing at his or her level of ability. Is she overmounted, riding a horse too hot to handle? Is a travel team over his head, or appropriately challenging? Are all of your child's teammates bigger, stronger, and more skilled? It's no fun for children to compete when their chances of success are slim. Instead of pressuring them to ride the newest horse or join the travel team, encourage them to find enjoyment on a level where they can succeed.

3. Learn the rules of the game. Youth rules are not always the same as professional rules. More knowledge equates to less frustration and less yelling at officials, players, and coaches.

4. Remember that winning is only one of the goals of competition. Keep it in perspective. Winning is important. Everyone likes to win. Yet, playing to one's ability, making a strong effort, exhibiting good sportsmanship, improving skills, playing within the rules, and learning to lose with grace are just as valuable as winning. The lessons your child has the opportunity to learn when he or she doesn't win may be more valuable than winning that particular game.

5. Respect the other participants. This includes coaches, officials, and other team members. Cheer for members of the other team when they make a good play. Applaud the winning swimmer. Praise other athletes in front of their parents.

6. Hang onto your temper. Model restraint for your young athlete. Yes, get excited, but channel that excitement into encouragement and applause. Staying home is an option to consider if you lose control and occasionally berate officials or disrespect other spectators.

7. Refrain from yelling from the sidelines or stands. Players are too busy to process and integrate all the advice that people yell at them from the sidelines, even if it's sound and might be helpful. Often they don't even hear you. Check it out. Go out on the field and have a parent yell at you. See how easy it is to follow their instructions. That experience will cure you of yelling advice from the sidelines.

8. Get involved. Volunteer. The coach is giving up a lot of time and energy to coach your child. Help out by organizing postgame treats and carpools and helping out with fundraising. Lend a hand at practice if you feel qualified and the coach approves.

9. Praise your child for his or her efforts. Stay away from evaluative praise like "good job," "excellent play," and "tremendous pass." Instead, give important feedback using descriptive or appreciative praise. Descriptive praise describes what was accomplished. "You threaded that pass right between the two defenders," "Your decision to take the extra base ended up with an important run being scored," and "Looked like you maintained your concentration after your horse changed leads on you" are all examples of praise that describes. Appreciative praise tells the effect the child's behavior had on the team. "Your pass set him up with the perfect opportunity to score" and "The way you were encouraging teammates got everyone excited" are examples of appreciative praise. Descriptive and appreciative praise will leave room for your child to make the evaluation.

10. Resist the urge to critique your child. Improvement is more likely in an atmosphere of positive encouragement. Often with positive intentions, parents inform children of their errors and how they can improve. This feedback is generally unnecessary, as children are usually aware of their errors. They don't need parents making a verbal list of mistakes for them correct. They need you to be there and to allow them to play and have fun.

11. Compliment the officials. Most officials are volunteers or older children working for minimal compensation. They're learning, too. Even if you think an official made a bad call during the game, you can comment on his hard work. Say something positive to the officials, and let your child overhear you.

12. Cheer for other children. Focusing solely on your child sends the message that you don't care about the team or the event. It tells others that you're only there for your child. Compliment players as they are substituted in and out of the game. Applaud their accomplishments.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: http://www.personalpowerpress.com

Praise With Impact

Writen by Michael Grose

Praising and encouraging kids can be difficult for many people. It just doesn't come naturally. They are hard-wired for criticism rather than praise.

Some children, particularly boys, feel awkward receiving praise unless it is done carefully. It can be misconstrued as being manipulative and not genuine, particularly when it is simply a throw-away line. Praise can become meaningless for some kids unless it is done with a little thought and care.

There are three types of praise that have positive impact on children's (as well as adults') behaviour and self-esteem.

1. Descriptive praise: Throw a spotlight on the behaviours that kids do well. Rather than a trite 'well done' draw a word picture of what they did well and let them know its impact. Tell them what you see and how you feel. "Wow. You have tidied the room really well and put everything back where it should be. It's a pleasure to come into the living room." Such comments genuinely made become stored in their bank of skills and builds up their confidence.

Private praise is more effective than public praise for boys as they can become embarrassed being praised in front of their friends or relatives.

Use for: keeping house rules, changing poor behaviour (when combined with ignoring some of their poor behaviour)

2. Summary praise: Give your child a positive label to live up to by summing up their positive behaviours with one word. "You really worked hard to finish your project. That's what I call persistence." "You cleaned up the kitchen without being told. You are a self-starter." Persistence and self-starter become part of your children's ICRS (Internal Character Reference System). Use for: kids who lack confidence, kids of all ages but particularly those under 10 as they really use parents as reference points

3. Self-praise: Praise is always bit more powerful when it comes from yourself so allow children to brag a little. "I did that well." "I am really pleased with the way I did that." "I did the best I could." "I love the art I did at school today." Teaching kids to self-praise can be a little tricky but you can start by asking them how they feel about their efforts. When you use descriptive feedback you actually show kids how to self-praise.

Some kids need to be cued regarding self-praise -"Are you pleased with yourself because you tried your best in the game?" Encourage them to say they are pleased with themselves rather than just agree with you. This gets them in the habit of self-praise.

Use for: kids who always want your reassurance, use for children's efforts rather than behaviour

There are plenty of people in your child's life who are critical of them – including their peers and maybe siblings. It is a parent's job to tell kids what is right about them, so spend a little time telling kids what you see and feel when they do something well. Make up positive labels that they can add to their Internal Character Reference Systems and encourage them to brag a little when they have done something well..

Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator and parent coach. He is the director of Parentingideas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. For free courses and resources to help you raise happy kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

Parenting Tips You Raise Your Teenager As You Raise Your Toddler

Writen by Jeff Herring

Did you know that teens and toddlers are very similar creatures?

It's true, in my experience.

It's been said that you raise your teenager when they are a toddler. Twenty five years of experience working with families certainly bares out that notion.

Rapid changes

At no other time of life do we go through so many profound changes so rapidly.

On one hand, we have the toddler who one day is a sweet and loving little cherub, and overnight becomes a "screaming NO machine."

Then we have the average teenager. Most 15 year olds I know are 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5, all at the same time.

Although very different in age and appearance, toddlers and teens have very similar agendas. Let's take a look at some of the striking similarities.

Toddlers and teens:

• Live by the motto "I want what I want when I want it which is NOW!"
• Believe with all their heart, mind and soul that the world and everyone in it revolves around them.
• Are genetically programmed to challenge any boundary or rule.
• At the same time, they desperately need boundaries and rules
• Believe that money magically grows out of their parent's pockets
• Have never gotten to the end of the money before the end of the month.
• See absolutely no reason to wait for anything.
• Have their own unique language.

Be sure you are setting firm structures and boundaries with your tot and tween, because if you don't do it now, what in the world makes you think they will obey curfew when they have a car?

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e
5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Why You Shouldnt Condemn Your Pregnant Teen

Writen by Vanda Somdjeu

Statistics have shown that teenage birth rate has declined but that doesn't mean teens still don't get pregnant.

So Imagine, as a parent, your teenage daughter tells you she is pregnant, how would you react?

Would you condemn her for bringing you shame and disgrace, or stand by her in her most difficult moment?

In A Second Chance , a novella aimed at teenagers and young adults, the author raises this issue in a beautiful love story between two young people. Shura the protagonist finds out she is pregnant while preparing for her final exams. Her Christian convictions keep her from terminating her pregnancy, a decision she doesn't regret especially as things go well in the end for her. But she goes on an emotional roller coaster ride as she fights the condemning world around her, beginning with herself.

Like Shura, many young girls who get pregnant are unable to escape the condemning world around them especially in Africa.

No one realizes the emotional strife they are going through, they are normally their own worst judge. And that is enough punishment in itself.

So if your teenage daughter tells you she is pregnant, think about what she must be going through, instead of worrying more about what the world out there will say and consequently reprobating her.

Talk openly with your daughter, listen to her and let her talk to you, be a parent and a friend no matter how bad the situation may seem. She will appreciate you better as a friend and parent.

Vanda Somdjeu is author of VanDiane Books, a brand of books exposing African culture through fiction romance. http://www.vandasomdjeu.com