Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Parenting Your Teenager Faqs From Parents Of Teenagers

Writen by Jeff Herring

Q: My husband and I are at a loss as to what to do with our two teenagers. They have been great kids and all of a sudden it seems like we are in teenage hell! We keep fighting to see the kids we once knew, and they keep fighting to get their own way. We have been considering family counseling, and really would like to know what goes on in counseling. Can you give us some help with our kids and what to expect in counseling?

Sure can. Here's how it usually goes. I get a call from a worried mom or dad, who are at a loss as to what to do with their teenager(s). We talk for a few minutes and we set an appointment.

A few days later, (in desperate situations, sometimes the same day) Mom and Dad come in with their teenager. After we exchange a few pleasantries, we get down to work. The parent's view is something like this - they see the kid they raised from an infant changing right before their eyes, usually getting more and more out of control.

Their concerns can run through a whole range of problems. From slipping grades, bad attitudes and little or no communication all the way to depression, running away or drugs.

The teens view usually goes something like this - "if mom and dad would just get off my back and trust me, everything would be OK. I'm not a little kid anymore!"

Sound familiar? If it does, don't worry, you are part of a very big club, whose only membership requirement is to have a family with kids.

If we boil all the many concerns of this family down into a few sentences, it would look something like this:

The parent's bottom line is "I want my kid back."

The teen's bottom line is "I want to be more and more in charge of myself."

While those two statements may sound like "irreconcilable differences", they don't necessarily have to be. They are both valid needs.

Let's take a look at each side of this dilemma, and then how to bring them together.

"I Want My Kid Back"

Many parents feel as if overnight, a stranger is living in their house. They want to continue to help their kids, but their kids don't want any help. The heartfelt cry of parents has been expressed by singer-songwriters Harry and Sandy Chapin in their song "Tangled Up Puppet" -

"I have watched you take shape from a jumble of parts,

To find the grace and form of a fine work of art

Hey you, my brand new woman (man),

Newly come into your own

Don't you know that you don't need to grow up all alone?"

How to Get Your Kid Back

Realize that the toddler/child you once knew is gone. You have a budding young adult on your hands. Cherish the memories.

Realize that breaking away from you at some level is their job at this point. At the same time, they usually return once they have gone through this passage. In whatever way possible, maintain the relationship in a way that keeps it intact for when need you. Sometimes you have to catch them off guard. Again, in the words of Harry and Sandy Chapin, "Tonight while we played tag for five minutes in the yard, just for a moment, I caught you off guard."

Remember that it's their job to act like they don't need you. But they desperately do need you. Hang in there with them.

Pick your battles. You don't have to fight to win over each and every issue.

"I Want to Be In Charge of Myself!"

This is not only the heartfelt cry of teenagers, it's their job as well. Parenting is one of those rare jobs where the goal is to work yourself out of a job. Unless you want your child living with you at 30. But that's a whole other column.

How to Be "In Charge of Your Self"

Make sure your behavior matches your words.

Do what you say you are going to do.

From my seminar "The Care and Feeding of Parents": "Here's how to tell when you are growing up - when you can do something even though your parents suggested it."

Pick your battles. Every issue is not a battle for independence. This one is important. If you constantly have to fight to do the opposite of what your parents say no matter what, you are just as controlled as if you obeyed their every command.

Do this things, and you'll get to be more and more in charge of your self. Don't do these things, and you have just sent your parents an engraved invitation to bug you as much as they want.

A final word for both sides: remember that the relationship is always more important than being right!

Visit http://www.TheArticleGuy.com for more leading edge tips and tools for writing articles that bring you prospects, publicity and profits. You can also subscribe to our monthly Article Writing & Marketing Tips Newsletter. You are also invited to visit my Express-Start Article Writing Program for more information on the next article writing tele-seminar.

Diapers Do You Choose Disposable Or Reusable

Writen by Tony Luck

Diapers..

Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of having a baby, but there's no escaping it. And you'd better get used to it - you'll be changing around 5,000 diapers before baby's potty trained!

The first question is whether to use disposable diapers or reusable. In a nutshell, disposables are less trouble, more expensive, and not environmentally friendly.

Your Granny wouldn't recognise a reusable diaper today. Gone are the cotton squares and safety pins, replaced by shaped cotton inside a waterproof outer cover and fastened with velcro. Flushable liners hold solids. Reusables will save you the best part of $1000 and that's after including the cost of washing.

If you want to be kind to the planet but can't face all the washing, another option is to use a laundry service: the cost will be about the same as using disposables.

Diaper Rash

Diaper rash is a term covering various different rashes which will vary in severity from a mild redness to severe raw ulcerated skin.

Most rashes are caused by exposure to soiled diapers. As urine and faeces break down ammonia is released, this is toxic and burns baby's delicate skin. A diaper will also prevent air circulating and retain heat, both of which will aggravate the problem.

If your baby develops a rash, change diapers frequently and keep the area clean and dry. Avoid the use of soap and wipes, wash with warm water and cotton wool balls. Barrier creams are available from your pharmacist.

Perhaps one of the best treatments is fresh air: let baby's skin breathe as often as possible.

****************************************************************
Author: Tony Luck who runs a site offering advice to new moms. Included in the site is the fascinating Chinese Conception Chart which is supposed to tell you whether the baby you are expecting will be a boy or girl!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Momnew Babynew Debt

Writen by Susan Koiner

Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along with your expanding waistline comes the ever growing list of products for you and your new bundle of joy. Preparing for a new baby can be a costly experience, especially in the areas of clothing and nursery furniture. The good news is that it does not have to be!

Let's talk about buying baby clothes...think RESALE! Every new mom gushes over the adorable clothing available for babies, but they often come with a not so adorable price. Resale clothing costs a fraction of the retail price. Buying resale clothing does not equal buying trash! Moms sell their baby's clothing to resale stores for a variety of reasons. Babies outgrow clothes so quickly (normally before they show any wear) they simply cannot use them anymore. Many precious newborns receive more clothes than they can wear in a season (everyone loves to buy baby clothes for shower gifts–they are just too cute!) that cannot be returned and they end up in resale stores with the tags still on! If you have the time and know what you are looking for, you can find plenty of designer and brand name clothing for a steal!

Buy now...save later! There is more beauty to the changing of the seasons than just the landscape! As the temperatures change, so do the prices of baby clothing! Most stores slash the price of their clothing up to 75% by the end of the season to make room for new clothes. Take advantage of this by buying a size or two larger than your baby's current size for him/her to wear the next year. The savings are amazing!

Another large expense when you are preparing for a new baby is furniture for the nursery. A good place to start when considering which pieces to buy is determining how much room you have to work with? Do you have a large room or do you need multipurpose furniture? A crib is a necessity and a given; however, you can pick and choose other nursery pieces. Combination pieces such as dresser/changing table combos are available at some stores and can save you from buying two pieces. Cribs with attached drawer space that convert to toddler beds are also available and will save you a lot of space. Thinking ahead when buying nursery furniture will save you both time and money in the future. By buying a combination piece of furniture for your nursery, you eliminate having to sell furniture you no longer need, as well as spending time looking for and more money on new "big kid" furniture.

Now that you have decided what to buy, it is time to shop! Once again, think resale! There are many children's resale stores that carry pre-owned nursery furniture for 50% or more off retail. They usually have several styles to choose from in different price ranges. If you find something you like, they will usually hold it for you (if you were not really prepared to take it home) and some stores may even have lay away plans.

Another great place to buy pre-owned furniture is the classified ads in your local newspaper. Seller's usually place ads on Thursday or Friday so they can catch the weekend readers. If you find something you are interested in, call quickly! Good furniture does not last long! Make sure you ask the seller plenty of questions. It is important to know before heading out to look at furniture things like the manufacture name, the age, if they have pets (if you are buying cushioned items and allergies are an issue for your family) and the exact color (if it is not adequately described in the ad). Asking these questions may be uncomfortable, but they can save you a lot of time and gasoline looking at something you know you will not be interested in. When you do look at pre-owned furniture from the newspaper, take someone with you and know what you are looking at. Are the style and the manufacturer of the furniture worth what the seller is asking for it? Is the furniture reasonably priced for it's age and condition? With a little knowledge, buying pre-owned nursery furniture can save you BIG money!

Awaiting the arrival of your new baby is an exhilarating time! Add to the excitement by saving money on quality gently worn (and sometimes new) clothing and pre-owned nursery furniture!

Susan Koiner is a SAHM, and former teacher, of three great kids ages seven, four and three. Her family, like many others, struggles with the challenges of "one income" and from this comes her passion for finding creative ways to save money. Susan is also the owner and creator of the online shopping directory www.momsmegamall.com.

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Love Of God Reminds You Of What

Writen by Carey Kinsolving

"The love of God reminds me of the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control)," says Josh, age 10. "God gives us our fruits so that we may have good attitudes all day long. Once we have given all our fruits, we get really edible. All we have to do is ask God for more fruit."

Josh, I'm afraid that sometimes when friends are looking for peaches, strawberries or mangos from my life, they get lemons.

"God's love is when you come home from school, and your dog jumps up and licks you," says Taylor, 7. No jumping up for Ann's dog: "Love is when my dog jumps 'on' me when I get home," says Ann, 7.

Whether it's jumping up or on, dogs are the clear winners among the animals nominated for best expressing God's love. I'm sure God would be glad if our love and devotion to him where as wholehearted as that of Taylor's and Ann's dogs. Do you ever get excited about God? Does your face ever show it?

"Love is patient," says Caroline, 7. "Love is kind. Love is through the world all the time."

Try around the world, says William, 9: "The love of God reminds me of a circle because it never ends. It also reminds me of a plane because it lifts me when I'm down. God's love reminds me of a warm night by the fire because it warms me."

Molly, 9, has another angle on warming up: "God's love reminds me of a mother making cookies and hot chocolate when you come in from playing in the snow."

Moms show God's love in other ways, says Chris, 8: "God gave my mom the will to help my dad to know God. My mom also brought me to know God."

Is there a greater love gift a mother could give? The gift that keeps on giving is eternal life, a relationship with God through his Son.

Stacy's mom knows how to make her feel special: "The love of God reminds me of my mother because whenever she comes home from work, she kisses me and says, 'I love you so much.'"

Don't forget Dad, says Ross: "The love of God reminds me of my dad because he is hard working downtown."

Downtown or uptown, please remember God at special occasions, says Alina, 9: "The love of God reminds me of a birthday cake. The candles remind me when God lights the way. The icing reminds me of how sweet He is and generous. The bread part reminds me of the Last Dinner because they had bread and wine."

Thanks, Alina. A birthday cake will never look the same.

Justine, 9, looks back to the time before everyone's first birthday for her lesson in God's love: "The love of God reminds me of sweet baby faces that are soft and smooth. The love of God is also parents who care, brothers, sisters and grandparents who love you, and cousins who like to play. There's only one more thing I would like to say. The love of God is Jesus!"

Many people think love is only a feeling, but actually, it's a person. The Bible says, "God is love," and the ultimate expression of love is Jesus on the cross, says Andrew: "The love of God reminds me of the cross because God had died on the cross for our sins. How badly He was hurting when He was hanging on the cross for us."

Point to Ponder: God is love, and a relationship with him will transform you into a love giver.

Scripture to remember: "God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him" (I John 4:16).

Question to consider: Will you allow God to love people through you?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see more articles like this one, visit http://www.KidsTalkAboutGod.org/ColumnArchive.aspx. The Kids Talk About God website contains free, online content for children and families. See Carey's Kid TV Interviews. Print free lessons from the "Kids Color Me Bible" and make your own book. Let an 11-year-old girl take you on a trip around the world in the Mission Explorers Streaming Video. Print Scripture verses illustrated by child artists. Receive a complimentary, weekly e-mail subscription to our Devotional Bible Lessons.

Bible quotations in this Bible lesson are from the New King James Version.

Copyright 2006 Carey Kinsolving

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Nail Biting Basics

Writen by Christopher J. Henry

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.

 

Nail biting typically begins between the ages of five and 10 and is common among children as well as adults. As many as one in three Americans bite their nails.

 

One of the more noteworthy and generally surprising things about nail biting is its high instance. It crosses every social and economic barrier. Prevalence figures for children are much higher than for adults.

 

Results of nail biting can result in short, ragged nails. It may also lead to damaged cuticles as well as bleeding around the edges of the nails. Infections can also develop if nails are not properly attended to.

 

Most relevant studies have found that nail biting tends to peak out around puberty.

 

A study by Malon and Massmer studied the behavior in the Chicago school systems and reported that nail biting is prevalent in about 60 percent of children age eight to eleven.

Most people agree it is a learned habit, perhaps picked up by watching a parent or someone else biting their nails.


Nail biting is an extremely tough habit to break and treatment for it varies.

One possible solution is identifying the reason for nail biting. Avoidance or modification of these situations can be beneficial to the eventual elimination of the habit.

 

Improving self-esteem is also helpful when attempting to break the habit.

Products such as CONTROL-IT are available on the market and are designed to aid nail biters in breaking their habit. According to www.stopbitingnails.com , CONTROL-IT is a gentle and natural alternative to help prevent biting. A mild unpleasant taste helps to remind users to stop biting their nails.

 

A host of research efforts both in America and Europe sought to ascertain if in fact nail biting was linked to mental illness in one form or another. Most people would have anticipated they found a high prevalence of nail biting among the mentally disordered; however, they found that nail biting, in and of itself, is not systematic of any form of mental disorder or maladjustment.

 

Nail biting crosses all national borders, genders, and both social and economic lines and may also originate from a primal need for self-grooming. It affects both the nails and the cuticles; with greater potential harm caused via infection to the cuticle and nail biting tends to be a private affair, and is a relatively isolated form of self-indulgence.

 

Nail biting may be treated addressing symptom rather than cause; it is a habit, not a disease.

Owner:  Christopher Joel Henry; born: December 18, 1958; birthplace: California

Married: Mrs. Trudy Henry

 

Mr. Henry has been an entrepreneur the majority of his adult life, generally in engineering pursuits.  Most recently he has been a business applications software consultant to Fortune 500 companies, in the greater Boston area.

He is an honored member of the International Who's Who of Science and Engineering, as well as a member of the New England Systems Group.

Listening The Forgotten Art In Communications

Writen by Andrew Borodin

Listen. What? I listen - wait a minute the footy is on, tell me later. Have you ever been in a position like this? How rude! Couldn't they wait until the bit about the footy was over? I work all day to support this family and they couldn't give me a few minutes to see the bit about the footy? They just had to tell me, so I missed the footy. Can't I get any peace in my own home?

Kids, they keep on asking questions and nagging you to play with them. Ever feel that you never have any time to yourself? Yes. I have had these problems, where I thought that no one listened to what I wanted. The kids seem to be trying to get their own way all the time and you don't get a look in.

So what does listening have to do with my children not listening to me? What can I do to get my kids to listen? Is it the way I say things? Do we, as a family, have a set routine and rules that we use when we talk to each other? Do we respectfully listen to the other person until they are finished or only answering when you have all of the story rather than going half cocked?

Listening without judging or interfering and understanding what was said can help in getting the message from the person who is talking to you. How often have you listened to a person and then thought, what did they say? Are your listening skills in need of an overhaul? Yes, we all need to make sure that we give ourselves and our loved ones the respect and time that they need.

While your children are growing up, you as a parent need to show and explain how good manners are important. Especially when the child is communicating either with you or others, that turn taking is vital to good listening. Listening with respect and not interrupting will help in understanding what is being said. My mother told me that we have two ears and one mouth, so we need to listen twice as much than we talk.

Show respect and face your child always when they are talking to you. This will show your child that you value them and their opinion. At all times let the child finish what they have to say and never prejudge anything that is said. Clarify anything that you don't understand by asking a question for more information. Be positive. Smile as often as possible. Show that you are listening, by saying yes, uh huh, I see, or I understand, or some other saying that you use.

By establishing the set rules, you will find that the children will respect your special time for watching the footy and you will have some time to yourself. This will improve the home atmosphere and things will be more relaxed. The respect and trust that is built up when active listening is used between the parent and child can last a whole lifetime. The key to relationships is communication and active listening.

Listen actively when your child is communicating, whether the child is crying, yelling or just sulking in a corner, the child is communicating with you. Be alert, be attentive or you might miss a vital communication. All acts and noises made by your child are deliberate and are forms of communication.

Andrew Borodin
http://www.parent-child-help.com

Andrew Borodin is a retired teacher who helps people with their kids. He is passionate in seeing kids growing up to their potential in life. http://www.parent-child-help.com

Saturday, December 27, 2008

We All Want To Be The Perfect Parent

Writen by Nick Young

Then of course, baby comes and grows into a toddler and then a teenager and it has all gone wrong. It has been a nightmare from day one. Your relationship has been wrecked because there was never any time for it. You were always full time trying to control those kids and just get through each day alive and still sane.

Who can satisfy the needs of a partner with all that pressure every day. There is no hope of having a fulfilling love life when one gets to bed totally exhausted after a day of chasing wild kids around. And so as our kids get older and more uncontrollable our relationship disintegrates into complete chaos.

No need for all this hassle. You can still be the best parent on the block if you want to be. Mind you it will take a little work but you will find it will be less work than you are doing now and you will be much, much happier and your family will be pulling together again.

Depending how far along you are in your parenting it will be easy to turn it all around. If you read the previous article on baby's first day home you will have found the foundation for happy parenting. Let your baby adjust to your lifestyle and not the other way round. Same goes for toddlers. You have already started the good work and developed that relationship with your kids so just carry it on.

Your youngster is old enough now to understand right from wrong but will always choose wrong. Why is that. It can be explained but is a whole article on it's own.

There is only one rule now that you have to follow. See, it is going to be easy after all. That rule is, 'always do what you say'. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less. Sound to good to be true. Remember, your youngster is very smart and will soon see through you if you are not sincere in any way. How many times do you see in the supermarket a mother telling her youngster to stop that or they will get a smack. They rarely ever get that smack and only the threat and they know it so will take no notice at all. You as a parent have no credibility with your child. How does that make you feel.

So if you follow the rule and if you say it do it you will gain respect from your youngster. It will mean work because you will have to get up and go do what you said you would but you have to do it every time. Your youngster will soon realize that you mean what you say and will respect you for it. When your youngster respects you then you can build your relationship with him based on that respect. You are the parent and he must realize his place in the family. he will push at the boundaries of that family place but if you are strong and maintain that respect he will develop well. Because you see, if your child has no boundary to push against, then he is like a ship with no rudder lost in a mighty ocean. He can never grow to proper maturity without his boundaries set and that respect he has for you as his parent. He deserves the best parent. You can be the best parent. Try it and you will see how things will change. Catch you..Nick

Nick and Charm have the ideal site for you to pick up that special something to enhance your relationship whether it be a nice piece of jewellery or lingerie or swimwear.

http://www.cadenville.com

Friday, December 26, 2008

Raising Kids With Nonviolent Behavior 3 Affirmations That Build Character In Kids

Writen by Jean Tracy

Jaclyn O'Malley published an article about a middle school student in the Reno Gazette-Journal last March. The student deliberately shot one classmate. A second bullet ricocheted off the floor and hit a nearby girl. The 14 year-old shooter did it because his classmates made fun of him.

Having been a child/family counselor, I know the pain parents feel when an enraged child becomes violent. I know how helpless parents can feel, and I know how parents can build character so that their kids choose non-violent behavior.

Using positive affirmations from early childhood can help. Below are 3 positive affirmations that increase non-violent behavior and build character too.

How positive affirmations increase thoughtfulness:

When your child invites a shy kid to play, you can increase your child's thoughtfulness with a positive affirmation like: "I'm pleased when you include kids who aren't playing -

Because it shows how thoughtful you are.
Because you just made (kid's name) feel welcomed.
Because you made sure everyone is having a good time."

Your child is likely to increase non-violent behavior and include even more kids when playing. Your positive affirmation encouraged him. All kids crave encouragement. Your positive affirmation increased his character too.

How positive affirmations increase empathy:

When your child helps a fallen child with a bloody knee, you can increase your child's character with a positive affirmation like:
"I admire you when you help kids who are hurt -

Because you are taking care of others.
Because it shows that you think beyond yourself.
Because it shows you have a heart that cares."

Your child is likely to increase non-violent behavior and continue helping kids. Your positive affirmation appreciated her. All kids crave appreciation. Your positive affirmation increased her character too.

How positive affirmations increase tolerance:

When your child forgives another child for teasing, you can increase your child's character with a positive affirmation like:
"I respect you when you forgive those who hurt you -

Because you didn't take the teasing personally. Because you realize words can't hurt you unless you let them. Because it takes a child with a big heart to forgive."

Your child is likely to increase non-violent behavior and become even more tolerant. Your positive affirmation praised him. All kids crave praise. Your positive affirmation increased his character too.

You can raise a child with non-violent behavior. When you encourage, appreciate, and praise, you respect your child. Your child, in turn, will respect you and others. Why not use positive affirmations everyday and build character too?

Jean Tracy, publishes a Free top-rated Parenting Newsletter, Tips and Tools for Character Builders. Subscribe at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com and receive 80 Free Family Fun Activities to share with your kids.

Dad Go Ahead And Cry

Writen by Mark Brandenburg

She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her face was lit up with joy. And as my daughter took my hand and moved closer to me, I lost control of my emotions.

Tears of joy ran down my face, right in the middle of the church where my daughter was having her first communion. Right in the middle of many of our family members, who had come to support her.

As she sat there in her white dress and veil, she seemed an angel to me. And when I saw the joy in her eyes, I was no match for it. The tears just came.

There's no manual that comes for us in moments like this. They simply grab you and take you where they want. I sat there, wrestling with a number of conflicting thoughts and emotions. Would my daughter or other family members be embarrassed? After all, I'm a man! We're supposed to control our emotions, right? Part of me wanted to have the freedom to cry freely without judgment. But mostly, the feeling that overcame me was one of pure joy and gratitude.

Here I was with a loving, supportive family, seeing my daughter go through an important rite of passage, and seeing her immense excitement and joy. Sharing that moment with her made everything in my life feel worthwhile. It made all the hardships of raising children seem insignificant. I felt as fortunate as anyone on earth. Why was I chosen to receive all these blessings? It was the kind of moment that we don't have enough of, and the kind of moment that fathers don't always embrace as strongly as they could.

This kind of moment is what most of us live for, whether we know it or not. The moment in which our heart takes over. The moment that brings us the closest to pure love, when we see our child as an amazing gift from God.

On this day, the vision of my daughter snuggled next to me was etched in my mind forever.

Later, after the celebration was over, we arrived at home to begin business-as-usual. I thought about the many projects that I'd neglected to start. The garden, the lawn, and the inside of the house all screamed my name. I felt that familiar sense of having too many things to do, and too little time.

And then I remembered the moment with my daughter again, knowing that it could never be taken away from us. I knew then that the decision about which project to start wasn't really important. In fact, it didn't matter that much if I started any of them at all.

What was really important was keeping my heart open, for the next "moment."

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Parenting Your Teenager Driving And Having A Car Is A Privilege Not A Right

Writen by Jeff Herring

Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because it's his right when he turns 16, and he won't drive what he calls a POS car. Do you think he is trying to manipulate us, and what do you think we should do? And since he won't tell us what a POS car is, do you know?

A. What to do depends on what you want to accomplish.

If you want to teach your son that he can pester and manipulate you into giving him his way, then by all means get him a new car.

I know that's not what you want to teach him though.

What you have is an excellent opportunity to teach some important life lessons.

But first, let's get that POS question out of the way. POS stands for "piece of s---" and is just another one of your son's tools in his manipulation bag.

Rwo Important Life Privileges

There are at least two important principles to teach in this situation.

The first is the vast difference between rights and privileges.

Your son believes that getting a new car is his right as a 16-year-old. It's not. In fact, turning 16 does not even entitle you to a driver's license. It does make you eligible for the privilege of getting a driver's license.

Fostering the belief that privileges are in fact rights leads to a raging sense of entitlement.

Fostering a belief in privileges leads to a rare sense of ownership, appreciation and perhaps even stewardship, which is taking good care of what you have.

The second principle is the sometimes hazy difference between wants and needs.

A need is a "must have" for survival, or to accomplish something important. A want is something you would like to have but can live without.

Your son might need a car to get safely from place A to place B and you may also want to stop chauffeuring him. He may want a new car, but he does not need one. Even if you can afford to give him a new car, I think that would do him more harm than good.

Sit down with your son and tell him that you have discovered what a POS car is and assure him you have no intention of getting him one.

Similarly, you have no intention of getting him a new car either. Briefly - and I mean short and sweet briefly - explain the difference between rights and privileges and wants and needs.

Then tell him that you will be glad to help him find a Point A-to-Point B car.

If he wants anything better, tell him that for each dollar that he saves over the price of a basic Point A-to-Point B car, you will match it.

He will not walk away from this conversation jumping for joy.

He will walk away with the beginning of some very important life lessons, which is really the best 16th birthday present you could get him.

Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his free weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."

Child Safety Does Your Dog Have More Identification Than Your Child

Writen by Scott Irwin

Take a moment and think about it. When you consider the fact that, as adults, we would never consider leaving the house without our id. We spend thousands on home and car alarms, we are even protecting our family pets with microchips; however, our most cherished possessions, our children, leave home without any identification.

Here are some questions:

- Have you taken the time to record your child's fingerprints, gather a hair sample for DNA purposes, record all his/her specific identification, including specific identifying features and a photograph of your child in a Child ID kit? If so, is it up to date?

- In the event of a motor vehicle accident, in which you have been rendered unconscious, do the emergency medical professionals have a quick way of accessing your child's specific medical history, including your child's blood type, medical provider, allergies, any medications they may be taking at the time, or, even your family's doctor's name and phone number?

- If you were on vacation with your children and they became lost or separated from you, or worse, arrived at a hospital, unconscious, as a John Doe, how or who would notify you and how would they know to do so?

- Do you or your husband, for that matter; carry your child's specific identification,

this should include an up to date picture?

- Do you, as responsible parents, take the time to talk with your children about child safety?

- If you became separated from your child in a crowd, would someone be able to contact you directly, or even know who your child was?

If your answer was no or I don't know, don't worry, you are not alone. The sad fact of the matter is that children do not carry identification; if they did they would likely loose it!

Given today's world, it's becoming a necessity for children to carry identification. This fact was clearly illustrated through recent tragic natural disasters such as the tsunami, hurricane Katrina and the earthquake in Pakistan. With each of these disasters, we've witnessed far too many unidentified children.

When thinking of child identification, often, fingerprints and hair samples are the first things that enter our mind. There are far too many companies that profess to provide your child with identification. Let me inform you that 99.9% of those companies are passive in nature.

Fingerprints, DNA information, pictures and even dental records will and are only ever used after the fact. Passive information. Think of it as locking the barn after the horse gets away. It's unfortunate that as parents, we feel that we have done all possible to protect our children by having recorded this information. This is the first step, and a very important step in the safety of your child; however, as a parent, the only time you ever want to look at your child's identification kit is and should be when you update it. This is a very important step towards safeguarding against the unthinkable. Few people are aware that children's fingerprints are actually changing for the first 4-5 years of their life; therefore, it is imperative that this information be updated at least once a year, and every 6 months for the first three years of a child's life.

When looking for a child identification provider, keep in mind the old adage " An once of prevention far outweighs a pound of cure". If all the company provides you with are a fingerprint kit, keep looking! One such proactive provider of child safety and identification is Child ID Labels inc.

The purpose of this article is not to alarm you but to inform you, as we are all aware, information is a powerful tool. If, in reading this, you took a moment to think about your child's safety, please email this article to as many people as you know and encourage them to do the same. Your children are, after all, your most valuable possessions as well as our future.

Scott Irwin is the Marketing Director for Child I.D. Labels inc. Founded in 1995, Child ID Labels has been protecting North American children for more than 10 years. For more information on their unique proactive approach to child identification and how you can help keep your children safe visit http://www.childidatlantic.com Child ID Labels inc. is growing and open to distributorship enquiries. Email us at info@childidatlantic.com.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Parenting Predicaments

Writen by David E. Smith

Predicament:

My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother is 2 1/2. From the time his brother was born, until now, he has been loving, giving, and caring. Like all siblings sharing has not always come as easy. In the last few weeks he has made comments that I pay more attention to his brother. I have evaluated it and even though my husband and I think he is wrong...I have tried to spend more one on one time with him. He has become very quiet, withdrawn, and when ever we ask what is wrong he has a sad look and just shrugs and says nothing. The other day I heard him playing and he was dialoging that a toy needed to be sad to get attention and that that toy had just had a baby brother. He treats his brother as well as ever and he truly loves him and I just find it hard to believe that after 2 1/2 years that he is really insecure about his brothers attention getting. Is this just a way to manipulate me into paying more attention, a phase, a way of growing emotionally or what????Help please. I have prayed about it and hopefully you are the answer God has given me.

Lisa

Response

Sounds like lots of good old fashion sibling stuff going on. Nothing you mentioned is out of the norm. I found myself focusing in more on you than on what your son is going through. This is what I heard:

1. You gave your son the benefit of the doubt and discussed whether you give your other son more attention.

2. You have been willing to spend more one on one time with your older son in response to what he is presenting you with.

3. You are attentive to aspects of his play.

All good signs of an intuned, related, reflective and responsive parent. This is what your children need more than anything to grow into emotionally healthy adults.

Not to say that this is a non-issue. Help your son continue to put his feelings into words and use play as a forum for processing his experience of the world. Give him reassurance that you have enough love for both of them. Explain to him that young children sometimes need more help from grown-ups as they cannot do some of the things that "big boys" can do.

Lastly, when there is such an age difference between children, sometimes such feelings can emerge if one child begins school while the younger child get to "reap the rewards" of being home with Mommy. This then becomes one of the issues to include in your chats with your son.

Best wishes and many peaceful blessings!!!

Response by David E. Smith, CSW- Resident therapist

About The Author

"Parenting Predicaments" is a forum on the Alternative Parenting web-site where parents can submit their concerns on their child's behavior and development. Visit the site that is dedicated to living naturally at http://www.AlternativeParenting.com.

AlternativeParenting.com

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Selfimage Through Fitness

Writen by Lynn Bode

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not easy and can cause any parent a lot of stress. There's so much to worry about – dating, drugs, alcohol, sex, school grades, just to name a few. But one crucial element often gets overlooked until it manifests itself in extreme ways (like through an eating disorder). I'm talking about self-image. It's extremely important that parents ensure that their children have a positive self-image, especially in relation to their body.

The key to ensuring strong self-esteem and a positive body image starts with the parent. If you don't feel positive about your self-image, then how can you expect your children to? While this is important for both genders, it is especially critical for raising a healthy daughter. And beginning the lessons when a girl is young is imperative, so don't wait until it's too late – teaching your daughter to feel good about her body needs to start at a very young age.

Eating disorder experts say girls are developing eating disorders as young as 5 and 6 years old. And a recent study indicated that 70% of the sixth-grade girls they surveyed said they began worrying about their weight between ages 9 and 11. Why are so many young girls thinking that they are fat? Many are obsessing about their weight because they have parents who are preoccupied with their own poor body images.

While the statistics are disheartening, the good news is that there's a lot that can be done to help our children have positive self-images. And, even small changes that parents make can help. Here are few tips to help your children avoid warped and negative body images:

  • Establish a "no diet talk" rule. When your children are nearby, DON'T talk about dieting or how fat you feel! This is extremely important. Remember, kids are listening all the time (even when you think that they aren't – especially then). So, even though asking your spouse or friend "do I look fat in this?" may seem innocent, it can have a life-altering effect on your kids when they repeatedly hear it.

  • Parents aren't the only adults that influence their children. Set the "no diet talk" rule mentioned above for all adults that are around your children. This means you shouldn't allow your friends, parents, siblings, neighbors, or anyone else to talk about being fat or being on a diet when they are around your children.

  • Set a good example. If your children never see you engage in fitness or if they hear you complain about working out, then they are going to have a negative image of exercise. Let them know that you workout to stay healthy, to be strong and to have more energy and stamina (so you can keep up with them)!

  • Get your kids involved in sports. Experts say that playing sports really helps build confidence and improves self-esteem (especially for girls).

  • Teach your children to include physical activity as part of their daily routine. But don't force them to exercise. Make sure that the physical activity is seen as something fun to do rather than teaching them to think of exercise as a necessary evil. Good activities include taking a nightly family walk, turning off the t.v. and instead turning music on that you all can dance to, or taking a weekend family bike ride.

  • Try to prepare (or if you are short are time purchase) healthy meals. And teach them the importance of good nutrition. Don't let them have the misconception that there are "good" and "bad" foods. If a kid thinks that candy is a "bad" food, then naturally they will just want it more. Just try to encourage your kids to eat a balanced diet each day and to eat sugary and/or fatty foods in moderation.

Remember that something as small as talking about losing weight in front of your kids can have very detrimental effects on their self-image as they age. Damaging behavior learned from a parent at a young age can take years for a child to overcome. So, the sooner you start incorporating the tips above into your life, the better for you child. But don't forget that it has to start with you – make sure that you are incorporating healthy fitness and eating rituals into your daily routine and that you have a positive body image (no matter what your size or shape is)!

About The Author

Lynn Bode is dedicated to helping people get fit. Through her website company, www.WorkoutsForYou.com, she offers affordable online exercise programs to help you lose weight, tone-up, build muscles, increase stamina and more. Custom programs for all fitness levels. Vist the site for a Free sample workout.

info@workoutsforyou.com

Monday, December 22, 2008

Bedtime And Kids Is The Best Discipline Spanking

Writen by Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

"Kelly, I've got five words for you: bedtime, kids, discipline, spanking and HELP! Our two sons are next to impossible to get to bed at night, and in the last while we've started spanking them. We've always threatened to, but really didn't have to follow through. But when it started taking over 90 minutes to get them to bed, enough was enough! Now they are trying to hit us back, run around and it's exhausting. I don't know if you can help, but I would like to know what you might suggest.—Frustrated Mom (and Dad)"

Positive Parenting Tip for Bedtime and Kids

Dear Frustrated Mom:

Sounds like your family is burning the midnight oil and the fuel that is firing up this conflict is your sons' goal of power. The only question is, who will win? My goal is to have you all win. Resolving bedtime struggles is a common question. In my book When You're about To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You, I explain that bedtime is an epidemic problem that plagues most households. If it's not one more story, it's "ten more minutes" of their favorite TV show or dawdling in the bathroom. Children will also manage to get their babysitters to let them stay up long past their bedtime. To avoid being conned or manipulated again, try my approach:

1. Tell Them What You Are Going To Do. Say something like, "Part of what I love to do with you is read stories at bedtime, but sometimes I feel frustrated when bedtime takes a lot longer than it needs to be. So from now on I will be at your bedside promptly at ____p.m. to tuck you in. If you are not there at that time all ready to be tucked in, I will start getting ready for bed myself. If you would like a hug, you can come and find me for a quick one, but I will not return to your room."

2. Follow Through. As you stated, be in their room on time. If you feel it's necessary, give them one five-minute warning. If they aren't ready at the specified time, leave—and be prepared to keep your mouth shut at all costs (regardless of tears, angry words, or pleads to be tucked in). Go into the bathroom, lock the door and get ready yourself. Give them one hug if they ask, then continue with your tasks. If they try to get you involved, simply say, "I'll be happy to speak with you in the morning. Sweet dreams." And that is all.

Lastly, know that your children will test you. Chances are they will test you hard! This gives you the opportunity to be consistent in your new approach to discipline, kids, spanking and bedtime. As soon as they realize that you are consistent in your new way to put them to bed, then they will have no choice but to change their own behavior.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here. You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com. All rights reserved

Teaching Children Responsibility

Writen by Judy H. Wright

What does it mean to teach your children responsibility? Every parent has a different answer and a different expectation of when and how their child will assume personal responsibility. One thing is for sure and that is that responsibility must be taught. It is not a natural skill, but it can be learned at any age. You do not become responsible when you are mature, but rather you become mature when you are responsible.

Four variables in this exciting venture;

1. Your child (learning style, age, motor skills, interest, hot buttons or incentives)

2. Your expectations (perfection or ever-learning, do you punish for the truth?)

3. Your example (use the 4 r's, recognize, remorse, restitution and resolve to correct mistakes)

4. Consistency and follow-through (natural and logical consequences)

Outward responsibility deals with everyday things (life skills) chores, brushing teeth, returning videos on time. These are habits that make us productive and reliable.

Inward responsibility deals with attitudes, beliefs and values. This is where we look at the heart. It means admitting mistakes, being unselfish, caring for other people's health, property and feelings.

2-step process:

1. Teach them the skill until it becomes a habit and then eventually it will become automatic action. Automatic action is action without conscious thought or planning. This is the difference between pre-decisions and situational ethics. For example, clearing your plate from the table, brushing your teeth, putting your bike away. You don't have to decide what to do every time.

2. Praise the attitude, performance and effort. Use natural and logical consequences to reinforce the lesson. "Thanks for picking up your toys without being asked. It makes it easier for the whole family to maneuver when we don't have to step over toys on the floor."

You cannot expect a 35-year-old job from a 10-year old. You also cannot expect a 10- year-old job from a 10-year old who isn't clear what is expected of him. We will have to occasionally jump in and help them do an unpleasant task, but not do it for them.

Voice and Choice: The more the child has the opportunity of "owning" the decision or problem, the more he/she will learn. The purpose of allowing natural consequences to occur and of designing logical consequences is to encourage children to make responsible choices, not punish them. This method permits a child to choose and then to be accountable for the decision whether it comes out well or not. Most children, when permitted to make poor choices, learn from the consequences. The most effective method of teaching is for you to remain matter–of-fact and non-punishing. This means separating the deed from the doer. If you were trying to teach your child a new skill, such as piano or tennis, you would probably be patient. You would expect and accept some mistakes.

Just regard teaching responsibility the same way. Regard slipups or wrong choices as a learning experience rather than a personal affront on your ability as a parent or teacher and everyone will be happier, more cooperative and responsible.

© 2004 Judy H. Wright, Personal Historian, Parent Educator and Author - www.artichokepress.com

This handout has been prepared by Judy H. Wright, Missoula, MT parent educator and author. You may have permission to make copies for other parents and teachers but the entire article, including the signature line, must be included. A complete list of parenting books, aids, workshops and a FREE ezine is available at www.ArtichokePress.com. To contact us, please write judywright@artichokepress.com or call 406-549-9813.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Parenting Your Teenager 6 Tips For Dealing With Bad Report Cards

Writen by Jeff Herring

One of the basic issues we need to understand is that parents and teens view school very differently. This is important because often we believe that our kids look at school the same way we do.

In many cases, nothing could be further from the truth.

For parents, we work and want to do well in our jobs. So we think because our kids don't work full time or at all, then school is their full-time job, and they should want to excel.

For teens, as well as many younger kids, school is their social world interrupted by six to seven classes a day.

This different view is the cause for many dinner-table squabbles.

Every now and then, as parents describe the problems with grades, they will say, "We got a D in that class."

I've thought of many responses to that statement, most of which I don't share. What I do say is, "Excuse me, who is this we? Do you go to class or does your child?"

The point is that at some time - the earlier the better - school must become more important to your child than it is to you.

Having laid out these two basic principles, let's look at some solutions for handling a less than exciting report card.

1) You'll want to meet with the teacher of a class in which your child has done poorly. You should ask the teacher: What he thinks might be in the way of your child doing well in this subject; does she think your child has the tools to do well in this class; how are other kids of equal ability doing in this class; what does he recommend your child (notice, not we) do to improve in this class?

2) Learn how to read a report card. There is much more information there than just grades. There's also conduct and attendance to check out. Look for patterns. If your kid got a good grade and great conduct in one class and poor grades and bad conduct in another, take a look at what the differences are between those two classes. Obviously, the child has the ability in one class. What's in the way in the other?

3) Often kids will blame the teacher. "She doesn't like me!" This is an opportunity to teach real-world living in which not all people, bosses included, are going to like you. At the same time, you still need to know how to do well in a situation, even when there are people who don't like you.

4) Here's a little trick of the trade: Determine which class comes right before your child's lunch period. If grades, attendance and conduct are significantly different after lunch than before, the next question is what's happening at lunch that is getting in the way?

5) Make two copies of your child's report card _ one for you and one for your child. Draw a horizontal line to the right of each letter grade. Next to the end of that line, write the next letter grade up. For example, if the grade is an F, write a D. If it's a D, write a C, and so on. These one-step-up grades are the goals for the next grading period.

This may sound like settling for less, but it really is not. It gives your child a manageable goal to reach. Over a couple of grading periods, this strategy can move low grades to high grades. If they go higher than the goal, then that's a good thing. If they go lower than the goal, it's time for some consequences.

6) It's been my experience that grounding a kid for the entire grading period is in most cases counterproductive. For adults, nine weeks is not that long. For kids, however, it's forever, and you get rapidly diminishing returns.

Instead, start with strong consequences, and then as effort, behavior and grades improve, let the rope out a little at a time, just enough for them to grow themselves.

It's also useful to link grades to something that is important to them. As one father said to me last year, "In our family, Ds don't drive."

For more leading edge tips and tools for back to school success, you are invited to visit parenting coach Jeff Herring's BacktoSchoolSuccess.com

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Balanced Mom Avoid The Naysayers

Writen by Bria Simpson

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

If anyone had told me two years ago that I would write a book, I would have told them they were insane. I didn't think I knew how to write a book! A whole book? Are you crazy?

And yet...gradually...from listening to the encouraging voices around me, and the passion within me, I realized I could at least try to write a book. I could at least try to get it published. And I would not have been able to muster up the courage, believe me, if I had listened to the nay-sayers. When one acquaintance heard of this endeavor, she remarked "and what makes you qualified to write a book?". If I had listened to the nay-sayers, people who are often too wrapped up in their own fears to break free of them, I would have slipped back into my own uncertainties, and very likely given up when challenges appeared.

Consider these tips to help you avoid the nay-sayers and stay connected with positive energy as you march towards the pursuit of a dream:

Discover your internal support and stay tuned into it. Whether it's writing in a journal, doing yoga, walking or jogging in nature, meditating or praying, or something else, discover what gives you internal strength. Stay regularly tuned into that source. Trust your instincts when others aren't supportive. It's likely that some people in your life will not be able to appreciate your courage. Minimize your precious time with those who don't support you.

Protect yourself from chronic pessimists. Some people are just stuck in their own negativity. It's nothing personal against you. But they will sap your energy if you let them.

Surround yourself with those who lift you up. Actively create a support system. Invite an encouraging friend out to lunch or out to talk after the kids are in bed. Email or call supportive friends who live elsewhere. Positive energy is really infectious and is often just we need to keep moving forward.

Avoid the nay-sayers, seek out the "You-Go-Girl!" people in your life and keep connected with your internal strength. You will likely enjoy a much smoother path as you take baby steps towards bigger goals.

© 2006 by Bria Simpson
All rights and media reserved.

Bria Simpson, MA Life Coach and Parenting Specialist Author, The Balanced Mom Raising Your Kids Without Losing Yourself

Parents Look Out Are Your Kids Being Parented

Writen by Michael Russell

Parental control - what does this mean and what are we to do? First of all, where is the parental control in our society today? It used to be that parents knew where their kids were and what they were doing, who they were with and when they were to be home. When they did not abide by the rules and boundaries they were given, they were disciplined. This discipline not only benefited the family but also the teachers and classmates of the child, the overall quality of life and success of the child in the future.

Today, where are our parents and what are they in control of? Many parents are working a combined total of over ninety hours per week. They are in dead end jobs, with little or no hope of being promoted or having greater opportunity to have more time with their families in the future. Many parents rarely know where their children are. This is due to the fact that a large number of our nation's youth go to an empty house after school. Now the parent in no longer in control of what they desire to do, or rather know they should be doing, but they have very little control over their children either.

This lack of parental control not only affects the child's behavior and overall success in all areas of life, it affects the classrooms they are in as well. If there is not parental control in the home, there is little control at school. Children that have no discipline anywhere else in their lives, are told they are required to abide by the rules at school and look out for one another, when neither has been modeled for them. This causes the teachers to not be able to teach the children in the way they ought and the students fall further and further behind.

The parents, in return, wonder why their child is not succeeding and slowly over time lose hope in him or her succeeding at all. The parent feels like a failure and spends more time at work, or at least away from his or her child, in order to cope with the chaos in their lives and their child's life, due to the lack of discipline and control the parent has over the household. There is a great reason why the Bible explicitly states that the father is to be the head of the household, that the older women teach the younger and the older men teach the younger men. If there is no one modeling what it looks like to live in a way that they should, how are they to learn? If they are never disciplined, either because the parent desires to be the child's friend or because the parent is absent from the home, what is the child to do in the world? Parents must step up and regain control of their homes and families or we soon will find ourselves living in a world far worse than the chaos we find in our homes, for these children we choose to not discipline are our future.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Parental Control.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Choosing Toys For Your Children

Writen by Audrey Okaneko

Throughout the year, we see advertisements for children's toys. These advertisements are on television, on the radio and in print, both in magazines and in the newspaper.

Of course the amount and intensity of these ads is multiplied the last few months of each year. Our experience has often been that many toys are just fads. They are promoted in a way that children are just begging to receive them, and then once received, they are often discarded after just a few uses.

Over they years, I have often opted for toys that encourage creativity or thinking. For example, we've always owned word games. We've owned Scrabble, Boggle and Word Yahtzee, both the adult versions and the children's versions. These games have helped my children develop a love of words. My older daughter can not be beat at Boggle. I laugh that no one will play Boggle with her, as no one can win against her.

When my kids were young we owned blocks, Duplos and Lego. Building and creating are wonderful activities for children. My kids created all types of structures. They built homes for their dolls. They would follow patterns and build robot type figures and they would just create made up structures with no real definition. They loved building and creating. When they were old enough we bought the iron on bead designs and again they would create and create. They made magnets and bookmarks galore.

Crossword puzzle books, logic puzzle books and word find books have also always been very popular in our home. Of course these types of books are for older kids, not the under 5 group. We also always bought many workbooks, which both of my kids loved to sit and work on. Under 5, we bought a lot of shapes and counting games. Both of my kids loved Candy Land. They had to match their color cards to the space on the board. They could play this for hours upon hours. We also loved the game Sorry. Reading numbers and counting spaces was fun when they were young.

Over the years we have purchased hundreds of reading books. We actually discovered used book stores when the kids were young because we just couldn't keep them in books. As the kids learned to read, they went through every book the library had that kids could read themselves. They read everything we had bought them and so we began visiting the used book store. Any gift giving holiday the kids knew they could expect at least a couple of books.

My final suggestion is an assortment of age appropriate art supplies. You can buy crayons, markers and paints. As my kids got older they also began loving rubber stamps. They loved making their own cards and wrapping paper with rubber stamps.

We almost always skipped the newest advertised fad and instead chose the educational and creative toys on the market.

Audrey Okaneko has been working at home since 1983. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com.

Academy At Ivy Ridge Everyone Deserves Another Shot

Writen by Keith Allen

Someone once told me that the Program at Academy at Ivy Ridge is like basketball practice. They said life is the basketball game and practice provides time to prepare for that game. During practice we learn rules, new plays, new strategies, consequences and to love the game. The most important lessons taught in practice are to play our hardest and to be the best we can be. We all need to remember to stop and think before rushing through practice so we wonʼt miss something valuable and to pay close attention; otherwise, the game can be very confusing.

When our students decide to apply the concept of basketball practice to their program it seems to assist them in focusing on themselves and realizing the benefits of teamwork. They look in a whole new light at values, standards, expectations and dealing with issues. They also experience some of lifeʼs most important facts: their parents will always be their best friends and greatest advocates; their family will always believe in them and never loose faith, never give up no matter how rough things get; they always will have their familyʼs unconditional love.

While working at Ivy Ridge as a Parent Coordinator, relating to parents and students has been a constant reminder that I have been blessed with a wonderful family I can seek out when I need someone. I have come to realize that my mother has always been my best friend and I can always count on her, that I do indeed have my familyʼs unconditional love to support me through good times and bad. At work, I also have an extended family that I have come to count on. At Ivy Ridge, I get the opportunity to practice every day for the big game and team up with others who also practice, who put their heart and soul into learning everything they need to learn in order to play the game well. I love this game and support others who play because I believe everyone deserves another shot, to have an opportunity to play the game to their fullest potential. I enjoy being part of the team and invite you to join.

Academy at Ivy Ridge

Parenting Troubled Teens - Help and tips for parents with troubled and struggling teens.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Coping With Tantrums

Writen by Ben Sidman

Tantrums are never easy to deal with and push parents to their limits of patients. It often seems to be that parents of children with social difficulties have a harder job because tantrums are either more frequent, unpredictable or harder to bring under control.

The Difficulties

Children with social difficulties can be very difficult to calm down when they have a tantrum because they have less of an understanding of things going on around them. This makes things like discipline very difficult because you are constantly weary that saying 'no' to even the slightest of things can develop into a dramatic tantrum.

Certainly the tantrums are less predictable or triggered by what people would generally consider 'no big deal'. This means that when your child has a tantrum over something very slight such as a meal they don't like, it becomes very difficult for parents and carers to sympathise and empathise. To you it is a perfectly reasonable thing to cope with.

When a tantrum does occur, it can be very difficult to bring under control. Parents can be left feeling shocked by the length of time a tantrum has lasted or by the amount of anxiety, frustration or aggression the child was feeling. Most of all, it can be very disheartening to see their apparent lack of being able to reach their own child to calm them down.

Another difficulty parents have is when they are in public places and their child has a tantrum, it is staggering to see other people looking at disgust at the parents who are immediately branded as bad parents to let their child get to that state.

Its not only members of the public but also uninformed professionals and medical practitioners who believe children are always a result of their parents.

Causes of Tantrums

Although it may feel that children with social difficulties have tantrums at the slightest problem, the causes of their tantrums can be a little more complex than it first appears. Tantrums are a product of some form of frustration, anxiety, anger etc. The causes of these behaviors can be extremely varied.

Some children have tantrums because they are unable to communicate what they want or express their feelings in any other way. Furthermore, they may have difficulty in understanding what they are being told. The use of picture cards may help overcome some of these problems. It is also essential to keep your language clear and brief and to emphasis important words.

Some children have great difficulty with their senses such as the feel of their clothes, the taste of their food. These uncomfortable senses make them feel uneasy and lead to built up stress if they cannot sort the problem out themselves.

Some causes of anxiety come from activities or planned events they have had problems with in the past. For example, the tennis teacher made them feel uncomfortable and knowing they have to go again causes them distress.

Problems can also occur from lack of sleep, a drop in their blood-sugar levels, an allergy to certain foods and the list goes on and on.

Parents and carers must also remember that most of the time their children do not realise themselves what is causing them to feel uncomfortable

What to do

Try to get as much information as possible when tantrums happen. Try to think of all the things that may have been the cause. Try talking to others e.g. teachers or other carers for the child to see what their experiences were and if there are any common issues that could lead to tantrums.

The best thing to encourage is communication to get the child to tell you or indicate in some way what they think is causing them distress. Try to coach them into knowing when something is making them feel bad. Then help them to tell you and give you the chance to sort it out first.

If a child is non-verbal it would be helpful to teach a child to initially point or take an adult's hand to items they want. This will reduce the frustration of not having some of their needs met. This will also help if they can point to things that are distressing them.

Support

Don't underestimate the value of support groups close to you. Parents should feel comfort in there being many thousands of other parents that understand what you have to deal with. Often talking to other parents with children with social difficulties helps a lot so that you can see you are not the only one. It helps when you are out in public places and other people see you dealing with a child with social difficulties obviously don't understand the difficulty.

Ben Sidman is a Parent of an amazing autistic child and founder of http://www.autism-support-community.com - an informative and friendly web site for parents with autistic children.

Helpful Tips To Get Your Addadhd Indigo Child To Sleep Naturally

Writen by Lisa Whatley

As a single mom of four children myself I know how difficult it is to get any child to bed on time! It is even more difficult if a child has been diagnosed as Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or more commonly referred to as ADD/ADHD. The Angel Lady, Doreen Virtue, calls this: Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. Brilliant!

My eldest son, since the day he arrived into this world has been a go-go-goer! The first year of his life, I tripled my own age! I was sleep deprived and literally exhausted, a walking zombie! He barely slept and the times he did sleep, he was very restless, constantly moving and frequently waking up. Routines and schedules did not work for him at that time. Taking one five minute nap during the day would give this child enough of an energy boost to keep him ticking until well past midnight and he would still be up by 6AM! He by passed crawling and was literally running at eight and half months! He was definitely my little energizer bunny! In this article I will share with you natural methods that I have learnt over the past 10 and half years to help him at least fall asleep.

No one suggestion below will work for everyone, but continue trying new things until you find what does work for your situation. Do not give up! It eventually pays off in the long run for both of you! Unless of course you have more kids like I do. I'm so used to not sleeping now I wonder what it would feel like to actually have one whole undisturbed night of sleep to myself! At least I am only getting up for two out of four kids now, but as with all things, this too shall pass.

• Stick to a bedtime schedule for both going to bed and getting out of bed. This should not be a fight. Your child should already be relaxed and ready for bed. On school days the routine for my son to awaken is 7:15AM. On weekends, he still goes to bed at 9PM, but I allow him to wake up whenever "he" wants to get up.

• Get them to use the bathroom before going to bed. This should help them to not wake up during the night needing to use the toilet.

• A warm sea salt bath right before bed helps to relax the body and mind.

• A foot massage. This can be with a foot massage bath spa, an actual hand massage or both! If you are going to use oils, be sure to pick pure oils, not synthetic ones and that they are relaxing, calming oils! You do not want to use oil that is meant for stimulation. Find a good aromatherapist to help you as you need to use a carrier oil along with the essential oil for massage.

• A back massage. Again this can be done with oils or without remembering to use relaxing, calming oils over stimulating ones.

• An energy healing treatment releases tension and stress and can have a calming effect.

• Soft, non-vocal, slow instrumental music. This relaxes the body and mind whereas using vocals and fast tempo will increase the energy and keep the mind in thought.

• Nature Sounds: My son likes the sound of rain, dolphins, oceans and rivers. He didn't care for the bird, cricket, frog sounds nor the thunder storms as this frightened him more than soothed him.

• Using the bedroom for sleep only. I created a play area in our house that equips the television, the kids' games, PS2, music, their toys and books etc.

• Avoid daytime naps especially if you have a child that can take a five minute nap that revives them until late in the evening! By pass the nap and put them to bed earlier. My youngest children (4 and 2) get up at 6AM and go to bed by 6PM, no naps.

• Reading stories either to the child or letting them read themselves. Pick stories that are calming and non-violent.

• No television of a violent or stimulating nature before bed.

• No stimulating energetic games such as running, jumping, tickling, wrestling etc. Pick quiet activities such as drawing, reading or writing.

• The bedding style may make a difference. My son likes it semi-snug. If the bedding is too tight, he squirms around a lot until he is able to loosen it up some. You may have try tight, semi-snug or loose.

• Diet is very important and if you want your child to fall asleep easily and rest well stay away from sugar and products with artificial food colouring. That means pretty much all processed foods! It is time to go back to the basics and eat as natural and clean as possible. This truly makes a huge difference!

Trying some of these tools may just bring back the peace and balance you and your child need! If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at Lisa@infinitylighthealing.com

Lisa Whatley is an Indigo/Crystal Adult, single mother of four Indigo/Crystal Children, an entrepreneur, writer and an Energy Facilitator. She has helped many people change their lives with the services she provides. She resides with her four children in Northern Ontario Canada. She can be reached through her personal website http://www.InfinityLightHealing.com

Special Request: © Copyright 2004-5 Lisa Whatley http://www.InfinityLightHealing.com You may share this information in its entirety with others freely, provided that this notice is included.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Adhd Parents Guide Questions For The School

Writen by Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.

Here is something that you might want to keep if you are thinking about changing your child's school next fall or if you are planning to have your child tested by the school in the near future. Let me say this, if you are planning to have your child tested by your district, do not put off doing the paperwork. Sign them up today! Typically districts have 10 weeks in which to do assessments, but the clock doesn't start until you fill out the paperwork. This can be a long process, and if you delay at doing the paperwork you may not be able to get the assessment done until next year!

Parents, here are some good questions that you might ask the school to ensure optimal management of your child with ADHD.

1. Does your school have any strategies in place for addressing the needs of a child with ADHD?

2. If my child is going to have an educational assessment, will someone explain the evaluation procedure, due process rights, and time line to me? Who will do that?

3. If more than one person will be evaluating my child, who will those people be? When will I meet them?

4. Is someone on the assessment team planning to meet with us to obtain a careful family history, a good developmental history, and a medical history, as well as current assessments and observations? When would they like to meet?

5. Is a school psychologist doing achievement and ability testing? What all is included in the test battery, and what are the goals of the assessment?

6. Did my child do better on the achievement testing which was given in a one-on-one situation than we would have predicted based on his classroom performance?

7. Does the assessment report from the school psychologist show any distinctive features of style and speed of my child's performance?

8. Does this school district provide my child with a case manager or advocate?
 
9. What interventions are being used now in your school to meet the needs of other ADHD children?

10. If my child has to use medication, who is the designated adult on the school site responsible for its administration? Or, is your system set up to make it my child's responsibility to remember to take his medication. How does the school make certain that a child takes his medication?

You can learn more about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at the ADHD Information Library at http://www.add101.com.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Back To School Or Not

Writen by Sally Lever

From my experiences of helping to run a local home educators' support group, I know that the school summer holidays can be a decision time for those families who are facing problems with their children's education. Sometimes it is the act of going away together that gives parents and children the opportunity to talk about difficult issues for the first time. Sometimes there have been niggling problems for some months and the summer holidays are a chance to bring them to a head and decide to make some changes.

In our society it is a commonly held belief that children go to school, end of story. It is assumed that that's how they get an education. After all that's what happened with us wasn't it? What many do not realise is that it is education that is compulsory for children, not schooling (and education and schooling are not synonymous). What's more, it is the responsibility of parents not that of the state, to ensure that their children receive a suitable education, although in the UK and many other countries parents may choose to delegate part of their responsibility to the state by sending their children to school.

The vast majority of parents take their responsibility for their children's education, along with their health and wellbeing, very seriously. When there are problems at school, not only is it difficult for the children concerned, but parents find themselves questioning their parenting skills, their choice of school, their faith in the education system. As with many parenting issues, being in this type of situation, where our expectations are suddenly dashed, causes anguish and heartache.

What can be done to remedy such situations? Here are some general suggestions which I've come up with from chatting over these issues with many families:

Get informed. Find out all you can about the educational options open to you and your child in your area. Remember, home education is an option wherever you live in the UK. For the legal situation in the UK see:

www.home-education.org.uk

For the legal situation in other countries, see:

Learning Unlimited: www.learning-unlimited.org

For further information on alternative forms of education, see the resources page on my website. (www.sallylever.co.uk )

Clarify with everyone involved what your educational priorities are. Write them down as this helps to focus everyone's attention on them.

Remember to consult your child and respect their wishes. (United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, article 12.)

Talk with other families who have experience of the form of education you are thinking of using.

Remember, you are the expert on your child. If you feel that their educational needs would be better served by an alternative form of education, then you are probably right!

Finally, whatever choices you make with your child about their education, the decision is reversible. Whilst many children are educated totally through a school, there are tens of thousands in the UK who are totally home educated or spend part of their childhood in school and part of it at home. It really is your choice.

© Sally Lever 2006. http://www.sallylever.co.uk

Sally Lever is a Sustainable Living Coach and long term home educator who specializes in inspiring and supporting those who are downshifting or otherwise moving towards a more sustainable way of life. She offers one-to-one coaching, teleclasses in "How to step off the Treadmill" and a free email newsletter.

Found Facts Dr Kay Johnsons Research On China Abandonment In China

Writen by Beth O'Malley

The facts about adoption keep changing. Changes occur not just in regulations and laws but even in the basics, such as how to talk with kids about adoption. Only eight short years ago there were a mere handful of adoption books. As of Fall 2002, there were 1,450 adoption-related books listed on Amazon.com.

I am an adoption social worker. My career led me to write about how to create life history books for adopted children. I am always on the lookout for new resources and stories, and the Internet has become a great place to look.

There, people can educate themselves at the speed of light. Listservs and online groups are examples: You can type in whatever subject moves you, and instantly 'talk' with a group of people all interested in the same thing.

My passion is adoption Lifebooks, the subject I write about. I'll share a little: I was adopted at age 5 months, in the 1960s. Growing up in a closed adoption meant I had no information: no best guesses, no discussion, no "I'll bet that…" Lifebook work comes naturally.

On one listserv, raisingchinachildren@yahoogroups.com, I heard about Dr. Kay Johnson. Dr. Johnson is an expert on Chinese infant abandonment and adoption. In 1998 she and co-researchers Huang Banghan and Wang Liyao published the results of their research.

In spring 2002, Dr. Johnson's research zipped all over the Internet. Due to copyright issues the study wasn't posted on mainsteam adoption websites. I did however get a copy of the 25-page report.It was slow reading, but I realized the implications at once. I needed to know more. And I knew that adopted Chinese children would want to know more in years to come. It was their story.

Thanks to the 'red thread' forces near me, I heard Dr. Johnson speak just two weeks after I finished reading her study. She appeared at Wide Horizons for Children, a Massachusetts adoption agency only a short drive from my home.

Dr. Johnson was willing to travel for hours in the rain on a Sunday to make this appearance because of her special connection to Wide Horizons. Shortly after adopting her daughter in Wuhan, Dr. Johnson then approached Vicki Peterson, Director of Wide Horizons for Children, about starting a China Adoption program. The rest is history.

A professor at Hampshire College in Massachusetts, Dr, Johnson says her motivation for the research was to help her daughter. "I needed to find answers," she said. The most difficult and challenging question was "Why was I abandoned?"

Dr. Johnson is a scholar and knows more about China abandonment policy than anyone in this country. She confided to the packed auditorium that, when her daughter was small, she "stuttered and stammered a lot" when trying to explain about adoption and abandonment. She disclosed that she used words like possible, maybe, as far as we know, and the truth as I know it, with lots of don't know's. Now that her daughter is older, Dr. Johnson is grateful that she "always shared the truth."

In her fieldwork, she and her colleagues were able to obtain information from 237 families who abandoned their children in the 1980s and 1990s. A short questionnaire and a small number of in-depth interviews were used in the study. The following are the major findings:

• Females represent 90 percent of the children abandoned.

• Birth order and the presence/absence of a brother were "crucial in determining which girls were abandoned."

• Fully 82 percent of these children have sisters.

• Of children who were abandoned, 88 percent were from rural areas.

• All the birth parents in the study were married except in three cases.

• In half the cases, the birth father made the decision; both parents made the decision in 40 percent of the cases.

According to Dr. Johnson's report, "some birth mothers said they felt the loss of the child for many years, although most claimed to have gotten over it." One birth mother insisted that "time healed her wounds," but by the end of the interview she was overcome by tears and said that she never wanted to talk about this again.

The interviews revealed deep emotional suffering and heartache among many Chinese birth mothers. After reading the report, I felt suddenly that those nameless, faceless birth mothers became real people, still struggling with past decisions. So many of these babies were indeed 'wanted'—and deeply mourned.

There is an American stereotype that the Chinese don't value girls. Dr. Johnson challenges this notion, stating that "the Chinese love their girls….Girls are not readily abandoned. This is not the first step for families." She learned that families often go to great lengths by 'hiding' their daughters or paying huge fines before turning to abandonment. It is seldom the first or even second oldest girl who is abandoned.

She is also firm on the point that babies are abandoned in China for a very clear reason. In a quiet voice at Wide Horizon's Chinese Culture Day, she said that birthparents "abandoned their daughter[s] not because they were poor or [because] the child would have a better life. The Chinese were afraid of their future[s] without the support of a son."

Dr. Johnson asserts that Chinese birthparents are not "brave" and do not have "no choice", as American adoptive parents sometimes surmise, but they do have great pressures placed on them. They are forced to make difficult decisions that cause themselves and others great pain.Decisions they would not make if the Chinese government had different rules.

What does this mean for Chinese girls adopted in the U.S.? According to Dr. Johnson's study, it is likely that they have at least sisters alive in China.

When the facts are known, it is nonetheless difficult for many adoptive parents to share sibling information. The slightest possibility of having a brother or sister is critical information for the adopted person, however. And now we are learning from Dr. Johnson that siblings are more than just a slim possibility. Remember, in her study, 82 percent of abandoned children have sisters in China.

The adoption story thus significantly changes for children adopted from China, from one about a faceless birth mother leaving a baby in a park for reasons unknown, to the likelihood of a two-parent rural family who were fearful for their own survival in old age. It is now a story of birth mothers still grieving and crying over the loss of their daughters, of birth parents pressured by the policies and rules of their country. And now add older sisters into the picture, living at home with their birth mothers and fathers.

Corinne Rayburn, a widely respected adoption therapist of 25 years' standing, says that the sibling piece is important information: "The child's truth needs to held by the parents and told to the child." She adds, however, that for a young child, "telling a child that s/he might have a sibling could be more confusing than helpful."

This information must be shared with the child, but presented when s/he is a little older, perhaps 9 or 10—but before the turbulence of adolescence. Ms. Rayburn believes that to tell a child aged 5 or 6 that s/he might have a sister translates into "I have a sister" in the child's mind. Instead, the child needs to be old enough to understand words like maybe and good possibility.

It is vital that this information be shared by the parent(s) once it will be understood, and not received 'by accident' when the child is older. Ms. Rayburn cautions that "you, the parent, do not want to be viewed by your child as a person who avoids, omits, or disguises their truth."

Each child's adoption story is a personal, unique tale. Adoption talk and Lifebooks are ways in which parents help their children understand their pasts. The weaving of this new knowledge with the truths that are known sets the foundation for trust, identity, and feeling good about oneself in years to come.

Dr. Johnson supports Lifebooks and says that a "lifebook is invaluable…It helps you think through the issues and carefully word them beforehand…once they are on paper then the hard part is done…"

Dr. Johnson's journey has transformed the 'facts as we know them' for thousands of adopted people. She has discovered another piece of the story, a found fact that will eventually be common knowledge to Chinese Adoptees and to all of us. This information is not going to be easy to share or easy to live with. But when it is your story, what matters is that it is the truth.

Ms. O'Malley is an adoptee, adoptive mom, adoption social worker, and the author of Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child.

Sign up for free lifebook lessons and a monthly newsletter at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/signup.htm

Visit her website at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com

Want to read more of Kay Johnson's work? Go to amazon.com "Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son: Abandonment, Adoption, and Orphanage Care in China by Kay Ann Johnson

Monday, December 15, 2008

Why First Borns Fuss Seconds Are Resilient And Last Borns Like To Laugh

Writen by Michael Grose

How can two or three children in the same family be so different? They are brought up in the same broad social environment, under a similar set of rules and an identical family value system. They also come from the same genetic pool yet they can be so different in personality, interests and achievement. While they may be born into the same family they are not born into the same position. The effects of their birth position have a significant impact on children, their behavior and their personalities. In order to really understand children it is useful to look at how their position in the family impacts on their development.

If we look at the big three in birth order – first, middle and youngest – we will notice that children born in each position share a similar set of characteristics. Note that birth order presents possibilities only for parents. Also only children share similar birth order characteristics to first borns – they are super first borns.

First borns are often more motivated to achieve than later borns. A greater percentage of first borns end up in the professions such as medicine and law. They go for jobs where determination, strong powers of concentration and discipline are valued. First borns are born into a pressured yet treasured position. They are usually the objects of great delight in a family – they are the first. Parents and grandparents often overdo everything with first borns. There is an air of expectancy even before their birth. Names are chosen half way through the pregnancy and photo albums are filled as baby's every special moment is captured on film. They are the centre of attention, which is an obvious plus if you are a first-born child.

The flipside to this adulation is that first borns are coached, prodded and pushed to perform. The expectations are high for first borns, particularly first-born boys, so pressure is something they know all about. It is no coincidence that anecdotal evidence suggest that first born males tend to be lower risk-takers as learners than girls or those in other birth positions. First-born boys fear failure so they often steer away from areas where they can't excel. Interestingly, some first borns confuse excellence with perfectionism and won't try unless they can do the perfect job. These kids drive their parents and teachers nuts as they just won't move out of their comfort zones to take a few risks and even (shock, horror) mess up. This is first-born thing.

First borns are trailblazers for parents and for the children to follow. Parents are usually hardest on their first borns in terms of discipline and they loosen up as they move further down the family. First borns usually don't react well to the arrival of the second born. To parents the arrival of another child means a playmate for their eldest. To the first born the arrival of another child means only one thing –DETHRONEMENT. You can read the headlines: "The emperor loses his crown." Well not quite. The first-born child does everything in his of her power to retain the favoured first position. He will point out the failings of the second born to his parents. In all likelihood as he grows up the first born may well be less than pleasant to this intruder –particularly if they are both boys.

According to Kevin Leman author of The New Birth Order Book there are two types of first borns. The first are the compliant nurturers and caregivers. These children love to please and also love to do well in school as they have a high need for mum or dad's approval. They also like to look after and care for other children. These compliant nurturers are more likely to be girls. Parents often rely heavily on their first borns and let them take much of the responsibility around the home.

The second types of first borns are the aggressive movers and shakers. These children are assertive, achievement-oriented and strong-willed. They are often boys who have the drive but not the skills to be effective leaders. Their bull-in-a-China-shop approach doesn't always endear them to others.

The middle (and in all likelihood the second) child is influenced by his elder sibling. The one rule of thumb about birth order is that children are directly influenced by the sibling above and will differ from that sibling. Frank Sulloway, the author of Born To Rebel, puts it succinctly, when he says that the first rule of the sibling road is that first and second borns will be different in personality, interests and achievement. Generally, the middle or second will be what the first-born isn't. If the first born is responsible the next in line may well be a pest. If the first born is serious, as they often are, the second borns may well be easy-going and gregarious.

Middle born children are victims of bad timing. Born too late to get the perks and privileges of being born first but too early to get the easy ride that youngest receive, middles often feel squeezed between these two siblings and wonder, "Why me?" or "Its not fair!" The positive side to middle borns is that as they are squeezed between two siblings they are good negotiators and generally develop an adept set of people skills. They are often more flexible as their lives tend to fit in more with the first born. Also they tend to spend more time with children away from their family to avoid the frustration of being an outsider in the family. Middle children subsequently can end up with more friends than their elder sibling.

Middle born children, particularly if they are surrounded by other boys often become the free spirit or the child most likely to upset (annoy, hassle) his siblings. If you have three children sitting quietly watching television and you suddenly hear a yelp coming from the television room you can bet that the middle child has disturbed the peace in some way. Perhaps he has thumped the youngest or flicked the eldest with a ruler or some foreign object. Middles can be like that! They like to get even!

Parents need to be aware of the need to make middle children feel SPECIAL. Take photos of just them, and not the whole pack. Make sure you spend time with just them. Help them find their special talent that they don't share with their siblings (that should be easy as they often stand apart).

Youngest children in the family are typically charmers and manipulators. They love to get their own way – and they invariably do. They are in the fortunate position of having a sibling break their parents in for them and they don't have the pressures of the first born. Their birth is not the big event as was the first born's arrival. Parents are still thinking of a name when they are putting the birth notice for the youngest in the paper. "Ah what will we call him? Jarrod will do. Yeah, that sounds fine."

Youngest are often babied, spoiled, affectionate, outgoing and uncomplicated. The pressure is off the last borns in terms of having to meet their parents' high expectations so they are more likely to achieve in their own ways. Creative, artistic pursuits are full of later or last borns, whereas firstborns are more likely to end up in positions of leadership. One of the traits many last borns share is persistence. They learn when they are young that if they persist with what they want they will outlast their siblings and wear their parents down eventually. Persistence is a characteristic that pays off for this group.

Last borns tend to be more impetuous – they act now and worry about the repercussions later. The positive is that they are more likely to stretch themselves and try new experiences than their siblings. The negative aspect for boys is that their tendency to jump first and think later on can be downright dangerous. Youngest born girls can often be babied and have their parents jumping through hoops to satisfy them.

Last borns can appear a little self-centred, which is probably due to the fact that they tend to do less at home to help others. There are bigger, more capable siblings at home to take all the responsibilities so youngest children can easily grow up with an 'I'm here to be served' attitude. It is important to give youngest borns plenty of opportunities to help around the home.

The position a child in his family holds is a predictor only of personality, but a powerful predictor nonetheless. It is definitely a factor that parents need to consider as we look for ways to raise happy, well-adjusted and confident children.

Michael Grose is an authority on birth order and affects on children's personalities, interests and achievements. Read more about how birth order affects personality and behaviour in his brand new book Why first borns rule the world and last borns want to change it. You can purchase it for only $27.50 at WWW.Parentingideas.com.au

Michael Grose

Michael Grose is a world authority on birth order and its effects on children's personalities, interests and achievements. His book Why first borns rule the world and last borns want to change it is fast becoming a runaway best-seller following interviews on BBC London, Australia, the US and more.

Maturing As A Parent

Writen by Richard Hanes

I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the 16 year-olds are twins!) My older son just mailed his college deposit and will leave for school sometime in August. Thinking back over the past few years, I've just realized my children have been spreading their wings to fly away for sometime now.

Your life begins to change as your child enters high school, whether you like it or not. Boy, did I not like the changes. Many of your family's practices change, just because your children won't always be around for them. Accepting these changes as gracefully as possible is part of your maturation as a parent.

Family dinners were our first casualty. I grew up in a family that dined together every day, especially at dinner. We continued that practice when our children were younger. But sports practices, play rehearsals, invitations to friends' houses began to leave kids' places vacant at the dinner table. Or you'll get exactly the opposite – everyone's girlfriend or boyfriend comes over unexpectedly for dinner. I've learned to plan plenty for dinner, and then enjoy leftovers for lunch the next day if everyone isn't here.

Family vacations were our second casualty. Summer school, sports camps, pre-season workouts or band camps filled up our summer schedule and kept us from vacationing as a family. We've split into smaller groups to vacation; each parent gets his own set of children to attend a family reunion or Scout camp. While this feels like a loss, it's hard to imagine a place where your child wouldn't be mortified to be seen with you! Maybe this is for the best anyway!

Parent peace of mind was our third casualty. When your child gets a driver's license, your peace of mind vanishes instantaneously until he or she proves to be responsible behind the wheel. Not only does your automobile insurance skyrocket, but your anxiety does too. My older son let us off easy; he didn't get his driver's license until he was seventeen. (Statistically, older teens are less likely to die in fatal car crashes than younger ones). My 16-year old daughter gives me fits. She says all the right things. ("Dad, I'll not take more than one other friend in the car" – our state restricts the number of passengers younger teens can carry to limit distractions – but caves in to peer pressure.) We take away her driving privileges when she does something dangerous, which is a pain to have to drive her around again. I told her I'd rather she hate me for the rest of her life than I have to bury her! Continue parenting to keep them safe, but not so tightly that they don't learn responsibility and earn your trust.

Your heart expands as your child matures. You have to pull back, let him or her try things and learn from successes and failures. You can't teach them vicariously; they have to learn it for themselves. Holding onto them too tightly causes them to push you away even harder, so why fight it. Let your relationship begin to blossom, and look at them as about to be minted adults and let your relationship begin to change.

Copyright 2005, Fruition Coaching. All rights reserved.

Rick Hanes is a life and career coach, writer, outdoorsman, gardener and tireless advocate for living life with purpose and passion. He founded Fruition Coaching in 2004 to lead the fight against leading lives of quiet desperation. Check his website at http://www.fruitioncoaching.com to contact him about rekindling the fire of your life!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Adhd Child Can Play Toys For Children With Adhd

Writen by Sid Berger

Childhood should be playful. Play is said to be the work of children. But, sometimes, the ability to play becomes strained when children have conditions such as Attention Deficit Disorder, with or without hyperactivity (ADD/ADHD).

Part of living with a child with ADHD is to understand the special needs of these children in order to maintain a happy and healthy balance. This includes the necessity of selecting the right playthings so playtime activities do not become more stressful by conflicting with what these children can comfortably manage and enjoy. One way we've heard ADHD described is that it's a performance disorder and not a deficiency of knowledge or skill. It is primarily manifested as a set of symptoms that interfere with the ability to focus on a task and get it completed.

Child psychologists and psychiatrists value the importance of play in therapy for children with ADHD. The right types of play allow children to express themselves in ways they can't do otherwise. Play within the right context and with the right supervision can also improve a child's focusing abilities and help him or her to learn the basics of getting along more cooperatively with other children. Medical attention for proper diagnosis and consideration of medication are certainly the core of treatment of ADHD. But in many situations, proper managing of a child's environment and activities can do a lot to keep the symptomatic behavior under control.

A toy doesn't have to be full of moving or electronic parts to stimulate a child's imagination. Children with ADHD often have difficulty with multi-step instructions and have an inability to stay focused on the task at hand. They frequently become frustrated with themselves in these situations. Toys can be very simple and still do a better job of keeping a child focused and entertained as well as giving them an outlet to express their feelings. Two such toy categories are pretend play and art supplies.

The flexibility of these traditional play activities can be as simple or involved as the opportunity permits. So, because these types of play are events of totally variable lengths, a child can complete the activity and feel a sense of accomplishment and build confidence.

Another advantage of pretend play and artistic activities for children with ADHD is that these categories of play allow parents and caregivers to provide positive feedback and reinforcement that is invaluable in keeping the child focused...and invaluable for the child's self esteem.

Pretend Play - Children of almost every age enjoy pretend play and benefit from the exploration of feelings that it affords. Dolls and action figures, puppets, costumes and even blocks are all toy categories that allow a child to fantasize and act out situations. Under the right supervision, children with ADHD can learn the value of considering the consequences of their actions. As they decide what happens next in their fantasy, they can get a better understanding of how others react to certain actions. In situations where you can encourage them to finish their story line, you also can help them get used to following through on a task.

Drama - Dramatic activities such as skits, recitations, puppet shows and simple storytelling can let a child concentrate on being a different character for a short time. Put a costume on them and watch how quickly they start getting into character. However, it may take direction from you to keep them focused and enjoying the event.

Costumes need not be elaborate to let a child be another character. It need only be representational. A single feather in a headband, a necktie, a hat, sunglasses, scrubs or even just a sign or patch fastened to clothing is enough to let a child jump into another role. Let the child use his or her imagination to help find costume pieces as part of the dramatic play process. And don't restrict them to the costume box. Colanders make great space helmets.

When Sid's children were growing up, they had a "costume closet" with an assortment of coats, brightly colored shirts, hats and accessories such as scarves, belts, wigs and, of course, masks. If an article of clothing became outdated, before disposing of it, they'd consider its costume potential. Putting together a costume for Halloween was always a big event. On top of that, living in New Orleans offered them Mardi Gras as a second costuming event each year.

Playhouses and play tents - Giving a child a space of his or her own is a great way to encourage imaginative pretend play. Whether it's stretching a sheet over dining room chairs to make a house or a purchased indoor or outdoor playhouse or play tent with a theme, a child is free to role-play and make up scenarios that could happen in the space.

At The Creativity Institute, we carry several types of playhouses, play tents and tunnels in themes that include a teepee, theater tent, castle and military camouflage. We also carry puppet theaters that can double as play stores and other types of play spaces. Our big foam blocks are large enough to construct make- believe buildings and tunnels a child can climb over and under. We also have play panels that can be moved around to create an ever-changing mix of play environments. This type of pretend play is also conducive to playing with others, offering an opportunity for a child to develop those all-important socialization skills.

Puppet shows - Puppets allow a child to act out many different roles and have fun with character voices. There are many sources for skits that can be adapted to the puppet stage and even ready-to-perform scripts in your library and on the Web. At The Creativity Institute, we have a section devoted to puppetry with puppets and puppet theaters. You'll find links to script resources on the Internet, puppeteer tips and even a free sample scripts we adapted for the puppet stage. To make it easier to get started, we've bundled together puppets and puppet theater packages and even grouped puppet casts with accompanying scripts, ready to perform. There's an Aesop's Fables Puppet Starter Set with five puppets and four fables adapted to the puppet stage. There's also an Old MacDonald Puppet Starter Set with Farmer MacDonald and seven barnyard animal puppets and an accompanying script of the song. Again, your direction will be invaluable in providing enough structure for the event that will let the children have a greater sense of accomplishment and stay interested longer.

And because puppets offer a degree of separation from real issues, they can offer lots of opportunities for learning about inappropriate behaviors. For example, if a child with ADHD has been overly aggressive with other children, acting out the consequences with animal puppets can offer a more painless and effective lesson.

Record it - Getting the performances down on tape gives everyone more opportunities to laugh and enjoy it all over again. There's a difference between taping the children playing at creating the performance and "making a movie" of the show, and both are wonderful to watch again and again. Taping the children at play shows their performance, as well as the behind-the-scenes preparation. Making a movie is just a matter of trying to capture what the audience would see. All you have to do is prepare the children for the scene and start and stop the camera at the right times - and move on. You can even start with a title card the children can make for the show - using their own artistic skills.

If the child acts out while taping is underway, continue shooting, but keep your reprimands to a minimum. Put your energy into trying to refocus the child's attention toward continuing the performance or easing into a hastier conclusion. Later, when viewing the tape, the child may be able to see problem behaviors more clearly, rather than focusing more on your anger.

Dollhouses and activity sets - Playing with dolls and action figures is another valuable opportunity for pretend play. Dollhouses, toy pirate ships, castles, firehouses, farms and other traditional activity sets have the magic to let children get lost in their imaginations. Even the more popular activity sets based on movies and TV shows allow the same opportunities. And don't forget what imaginations can do with boxes, blocks and anything that can become the setting for a creative play session.

Blocks - Toys for children with ADHD should be simple and encourage the use of their imaginations, and one of the most basic of toys is building blocks. Block play can be great for many ages. From simple stack-up and knock-over fun to imaginative building. Blocks teach problem-solving skills, because a child discovers how stacking and matching can produce different results. They can also become components of pretend play, because a child can fantasize what the structures are. There are also big foam blocks that are almost "life size" and let children create their own fantasy playhouses. These lightweight blocks are so versatile, they can be climbed on or tunneled under. Magnetic block and construction sets have pieces that connect in more ways than can conventional plastic snap-together blocks and allow even more imaginative opportunities. We also carry a selection of traditional and colorful wooden blocks that are full of fantasy building opportunities.

Blocks, like many traditional toys, have other educational advantages for a child with ADHD. The number of positive outcomes is limitless, so children can continue playing until they've reached a level of personal satisfaction. Whether the child is building with traditional blocks or shoeboxes, try to show interest in every structure. Encourage the child to name creations, even if it's simply Wobbly Land or Crazy Tower. Showing interest without criticism offers your child valuable, long- lasting affirmation.

Art Activities - Any medium such as crayons, markers, chalk, paint and clay can give a child a wealth of expressive opportunities. Sometimes you may want to suggest a subject idea to get them started. Art supplies are some of the least expensive educational toys you can provide. Gwynn used to bring home old stationery and unused printed samples to give her children a virtually unlimited supply of art paper. She'd also purchase low-end copy paper, offering the kids free rein on a giant stack of blank paper.

And here's something you can try on a big scale. Sid used to get leftover paper billboards from the local outdoor company and tack them on his backyard fence, backside out, to give the children blank giant-size panels for murals. The change in scale of their artist's canvas gets them thinking of possibilities in a different perspective and keeps them intrigued for hours. Another way to give structure to art activities is with their own easel. We carry a selection of folding, double-sided and adjustable easels that provide a convenient supply of paper and drawing surfaces in a self-contained, accessible environment.

One rule of thumb to follow to help inspire your kids to express themselves is to encourage all efforts. Today's crooked stick figure could lead to tomorrow's Picasso. Most important, artistic expression is highly therapeutic to your child, even if it doesn't happen to please your eye.

Books - There are many books that can hold a child's attention. The public library is a great start and your librarian can help you. Garage sales and community book fairs are a great way to build a library of your own. Collections of rhymes, poems or short stories are a good way to start with a child who is easily distracted.

The Oppenheim Toy Portfolio listed the top toys for children with attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and included, among other things, a magnetic construction set, a tree-house-theme dollhouse play set, a decorate-it-yourself birdfeeder, board games and a simple, basic rubber ball. Oppenheim also suggested the toy general categories of dramatic play and artistic activities.

*The National Institute of Mental Health recommends that if ADHD is suspected, the diagnosis should be made by a professional with training in ADHD. This includes child psychiatrists, psychologists, developmental/behavioral pediatricians, behavioral neurologists and clinical social workers. After ruling out other possible reasons for the child's behavior, the specialist checks the child's school and medical records and talks to teachers and parents who have filled out a behavior rating scale for the child. A diagnosis is made only after all this information has been considered.

After a combined six decades of developing award-winning advertising, creative directors Gwynn Torres and Sid Berger decided to spread creativity beyond the world of marketing. They founded an online educational toy store specializing in toys that nurture creativity in children. They handpick each toy for its potential for developing vital creative resources in your child. The benefits of nurturing creativity can be profound, offering children tools for success in all endeavors athletic, artistic or academic. Gwynn and Sid are also accomplished musicians and songwriters, and between them they have managed to produce five wonderfully zany and significantly creative children.

Visit their site at: http://www.creativityinstitute.com/

Potty Training Tips For Girls

Writen by Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

"My older daughter turns 4 in a few days and still has very little interest in potty training. Initially, I was waiting for her to lead the way by showing interest. Her sister was born when she was 27 months old, and I didn't feel that either immediately before or after the birth was a good time for either of us to start potty training. Time dragged on, until I started finding myself getting angry about changing her dirty diapers just after she turned 3. One day, I decided it was time for her to start using the toilet. The first few mornings, she threw a tantrum about wanting a diaper, but then she accepted wearing underpants. I made up a chart and let her put stickers on it for going in the toilet. There was some success, but as time went by, the success rate declined. She became more and more resistant to reminders to go to the toilet.

Earlier this year, our family decided to move house, and I could see this was causing my daughter some stress. After talking to other moms, I decided to remove the potty pressure—so I asked my daughter whether she would like to wear diapers or underpants. For a while, she chose to go back to diapers. After three weeks, she asked to go back to underpants. I tried be neutral about her decisions and to keep my input low-key and supportive. My husband and I praised her verbally when she succeeded. But the same thing happened.

I know my daughter is very bright, strong-willed, and likes to push my buttons. She is also very sensitive and cautious. She is genuinely afraid of sitting on toilets without a child's potty-seat on top, but we don't make her do that if she doesn't want to. We either take her potty-seat with us to friends' houses, or allow her to choose to wear pull-ups when we go out. Occasionally, we have gotten so frustrated that we have coerced her (for example, no lunch until you sit on the potty)—despite knowing that negativity should never be part of the potty training process.

I did some research and found that the only way of eliminating resistance is to eliminate whatever your child is resisting against. So I've tried being completely neutral about the whole thing and to show no negative reaction to 'accidents'. Maybe I haven't tried long enough, but the accidents just seem to go on and on. Eventually, I can't start showing disapproval and getting angry again. This week, she is back in diapers because I am so tired of dealing with the wet and dirty clothes (to be honest, the seemingly pointless resistance bugs me much more than the laundry). Obviously, my behavior is enabling hers and together we are creating this cycle, but I don't know how to change it. Help!"—Mom Seeking Potty Training Tips for Girls

Positive Parenting Tip For Potty Training Girls

Dear Mom Seeking Potty Training Tips for Girls:

Phew! I am tired from just reading about your experience, so I can imagine how frustrated you must be! The good news is that potty training tips for girls are essentially no different from potty training tips for boys.

Firstly, good for you for doing some research on resistance. I do believe your daughter is resisting—but not what you think she's resisting. She's actually resisting growing up. You've brought a new baby into the home and, to an oldest child who used to be the only child, this can be traumatic. Your daughter is faced with the fact that she is no longer the baby. When this happens (especially when you have two children close in age and of the same sex), the oldest child may:

• Find a way to continue to act like the baby of the family by wearing diapers.

• Look for ways to keep you and your husband busy with her (and not her sister), including the sticker chart and the back-and-forth resistance you are experiencing with potty training. Negative attention is better than none at all.

Effective Potty Training Tips for Girls Who Resist

Consistently use these five effective potty training tips for girls who are resisting and your potty training situation will turn around relatively quickly. Be patient and plan for things to take some time (especially during the first couple of weeks).

1. Have Faith that She WILL Learn – No matter how resistant your daughter is to potty training, she will learn (everyone does). Potty training is one of the key skills preschoolers need to learn, and they do learn it—be patient and know that some learn slower than others.

2. Stick with Your Decision to Forgo Pull-ups and Diapers – As you know, accidents (many of them) will happen. But when kids aren't given the opportunity to experience the natural discomfort that comes with wet clothes—by using pull-ups that soak it all up—this can prolong the time it takes for potty training.

3. Stay Away from External Reward Systems – You don't need stickers to reward your daughter for her success. The rewards of potty training should be the internal rewards she experiences from feeling good about learning a new skill that comes with growing up. Continue to encourage her when she remembers to go to the washroom.

4. Get Her to Help Clean Up When Accidents Happen – Continue to not make a big deal out of accidents. Let go of the many external reminders (verbal and visual) all together. The next time she has an accident, have her help you do the washing and thank her for it. Be consistent with this and allow her to learn from the experience of wet pants.

5. Give Your Daughter More Responsibilities Around the House – The more your daughter can do around the house to help, the more she'll feel good about her position as "big sister". Look for ways for her to help you with the baby and ways for her to help you out with the housework. Then thank her! Give her the opportunity to pass on what she learns to her "little sister" and your situation will improve even more. All this can go far in boosting her sense of contribution, responsibility and her desire to grow up.

I also suggest finding a way to let go of your own anger around the potting training issue. It appears you have a very strong-willed daughter on your hands who is pushing back. The more anger you feel (even when not outwardly expressed), the more she will resist and push back. Unfortunately, parents who get into this type of emotional tug-of-war lose! If you start to see her accidents as quality time you can have together doing laundry, you might feel a shift. I would also highly recommend reading Chapter 7 ("Secret to Solving Sibling Rivalry Once And For All") of my book When You're About to Go Off the Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids with You, so you can quickly nip any other future sibling-related issues in the bud.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here.

You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com - All rights reserved.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Send Your Child To College Free

Writen by Alli Ross

College is one of the largest expenses through the course of your child̢۪s life. It is also one of the main causes of debt in America. With today's rates of inflation, it is very hard to save for an event that will occur eighteen years down the road. However, capitalistic America has provided many ways to send your child to college without paying a single red cent. Below you will discover just how easy it is to reach financial freedom.

Property near college campuses has always been a prime investment arena. Now,it can be the key to funding your child's education. Three months before your son or daughter starts college, buy a well-maintained home within two to three miles from campus. When choosing a house, keep the following in mind.

- Make sure the home has at least four bedrooms. This creates a maximum rental and sell value.

- Take out the largest mortgage possible.

- Furnish the home from second-hand stores. (College student's aren't too picky. To find out, ask your nearest mother : )

Make your son or daughter the property manager of your rental property.

Making your child the property manager allows you to reap tax and business benefits, while also teaching your student about the business world. You could easily pay your child a small stipend to handle the responsibilities of a property manager. These include:

* collecting rent

* inspecting the property weekly for cleanliness and damage

* renting the property when there is a vacancy

* contracting any repair work that is needed

* reporting to you on the property's financial and physical condition

The salary you pay your child for being the property managemer is tax deductible. This deduction can go towards your student's books, supplies, or food expenses.

Save on gas money when visiting your child. Another perk to owning rental property is that you are allowed a tax deduction twice per year in order to inspect any out-of-town property. The primary purpose of your trip must be inspection and maintenance of your property. However, visiting your child may be a secondary purpose. Be sure to document all trips and their purpose.

Use the real estate Tax Deductions to generate extra cash.

The depreciation deductions you claim each year on your rental property give you immediate cash, which can be used toward college expenses.

Finally, your child has graduated and its time to sell your property. Use the profits from your investment to pay off your loans. At 8% per year appreciation, the property will be worth $ 20,000 - $40,000 more at the end of four years, depending on the original price.

Because housing in college areas is in very high demand, your property’s value should increase substantially. The best and easiest way to sell your property is to list it in the school and city newspapers with an ad that reads : Send your child to college free. Call me for details!” Most likely, you will recieve calls in the first day or so. Inform your prospects of how rental property can finance their child's education. This key strategy will enable you to pay off any pending loans and leave your college student debt-free!

Alli Ross is the webmaster at the Baby Names Box - Where you can explore over 6,000 baby names and their meanings. Sub-categories include Disney ,J.R. Tolkien names, Fantasy and Folklore names, and many names from the literary classics. Read articles ranging from parenting and family to home and gardening. Be sure to say hi to GranMamma!

Kids Are Professional Athletes The Curse Of Athleticism Or The Bigleague Myth

Writen by David Skuy

How much is too much?

For youth sports, the answer is apparently nothing. An average professional hockey, basketball, or soccer player might have 80 games a year. Eight- or nine-year old kids often play the same, along with practices and weekend tournaments.

So what's going on?

What's going on is that adults are ruining sports from kids. We've professionalized youth sports, organized the games kids used to play in the schoolyard or in parks. Instead of that endless and unstructured fun, parents drive their kids to games and practices, where coaches tell kids what to do and how to do it. This goes on five, six, even seven times a week. Sure, a precious few go on to superstardom as professional athletes, but they're the one percent of the one percent. The rest burn out.

Is it really necessary to travel every weekend to yet another tournament? Is that third practice a week really adding to a young person's enjoyment? Has society forgotten about the Law of Diminishing Returns? Is there not something wrong about $30,000 budgets for a hockey team of 12-year olds?

More is not necessarily better. The magic number is three - one game and two practices a week. Until a kid is 13 or 14, that is enough of any one activity. Let them develop a number of interests - sports, reading, music, and maybe hanging out with friends once in a while. After that age, if the interest is still there, then it might be appropriate to let them focus on one sport or activity. Two- and three-sport athletes are going the way of the Dodo bird. We do no lack for great athletes, but we force our kids to specialize at an early age. Cross training is widely accepted by experts as an essentially part of an athlete's development. Yet, I do not see many kids cross training at all.

Naturally, if any of my kids were a Michael Jordan or a Tiger Woods I would encourage them to focus. Unless yours belongs to that elite class, however, perhaps your kid would be better off playing a number of sports; and make sure they have time to play after school, without coaches and referees blowing whistles all the time.

There is also a worrying commercial side to this issue. Leagues and tournaments have become a big business, along with equipment sales and sports facilities. Ironically, all this money depends upon a constant stream of kids who play a whole lot of sports. The more they play, the more money is made. I find it hard to ignore this connection; and, also not to believe that business has been an active partner in fueling the belief so prevalent among parents and coaches that kids have to play 'their sport' every day of the week.

We need to remember that youth sports are for kids - not for those watching from the sidelines, or tournament organizers, or equipment manufacturers. Professional athletes are paid millions to play 80 games a year; how much are our kids getting for becoming professional athletes at 8-years old?

David Skuy is the author of "Off the Crossbar," a sports novel for boys. You can visit his website at http://www.charliejoyce.com He is a popular lecturer, speaking to kids and parent groups on the importance of literacy and sports for children.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Visiting The Library

Writen by Anil Vij

Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning and discovery for everyone. Ask at the library about getting a library card in your child's name and, if you don't already have one, get a card for yourself.

The Librarian

Introduce yourself and your child to your librarian. Librarians can help you to select the best books that are both fun and suitable for your child's age level. They can also show you the other programs and services the library has to offer.

Books . . . and More

In addition to a wealth of books, your library most likely will have tapes and CDs of books, musical CDs and tapes, movies, computers that you can use, and many more resources. You also might find books in languages other than English, or programs to help adults improve their reading. If you would like reading help for yourself or your family, check with the librarian about literacy programs in your community.

Supervised Story Times

Babies and toddlers.

Many libraries have group story hours that are short and geared to the attention spans of the children. During story hour, child sits in your lap, and both of you can join in the story. The storyteller also may show you fingerplays and rhythm activities. The storyteller also may give you tips and handouts that you can use for your own home story hours.

Preschoolers.

The library may offer these story hours more than once a week. For these story hours, you and your child usually read several books on the same topic. You might play games, sing songs, use puppets, or do other activities that are connected to that topic. You also may get ideas for books to read and other things to do with your child at home.

Families.

Families can read together, or they may join in a story told by the library storyteller. Some libraries also set up family activities around the readings, including crafts and art projects and watching movies.

Summer Reading

After the school year is over, some children may forget what they have learned about reading. Libraries help keep children interested in reading by offering summer programs.

Children from early elementary school to high school read books on their own. A teacher or librarian may give a child a diary or log in which he writes what he read during the summer. And, because reading aloud is so important to promoting a love of reading, many libraries offer "Read-to- Me" clubs for preschool and younger children.

Anil Vij is the creator of the ultimate parenting toolbox, which has helped parents all over the world raise smarter, healthier and happier children ==> http://www.expertsonparenting.com

Sign up for Anil's Experts On Parenting Newsletter - just send a blank email ===> mailto: parentingnews@aweber.com

Why Scrapbooking Moms Are The Secret Weapon In The War On Terror

Writen by Joshua Minton

There is a front line and a back end to every successful war effort. Rosie the Riveter was an icon during World War II and she was symbolic of the strong American woman who took command of the US economy and war manufacturing; without her there would have been no Allied victory.

We are once again embroiled in a bitter war and just like those times in the 1940s, the time of ending is uncertain. There is one thing that is different—women are involved in both the front lines and the back end and this can only be a good thing for America.

Regardless of which side of the political fence you stand upon in regards to the current war—you cannot disregard the sacrifices made by soldiers and the loved ones who bear the burden of their absence and, God forbid, their loss. But we must ask ourselves what is all of this sacrifice for?

There are many possible answers to this but here is what I think—the purpose of life is to constantly renew itself. This hypothesis is evidenced by the cycles of nature that occur around each of us every minute of every day we live. If this assumption is correct then it is our children and our children's children that are the vehicle of human renewal and are therefore the objects of our protection.

If it were gold we were protecting then the keepers of the gold would be the most valuable asset we would have—the ones who secured the bars with guns, who weighed each gram to the ounce, and who kept accurate figures that tallied the sum value of the entire gold reserve.

If it were gasoline we were protecting then the attendants who stand watch with squeegee in hand at the pumps would be our guardians of the cycle of the future of humanity.

But that's not the case because if children are the ultimate objects of value that we are protecting with the life's blood of our young men and women then it is the guardian of children who are our most valuable asset.

Now, if gasoline or gold bars were the object of ultimate importance, then which guardian would you choose: the one who just stood by with a weapon and ignored the gold or let the pump rust? Likewise, which guardian of our precious little resources of the future would you prefer: the one who passes out lunch money with no care of what nutritional value the child receives and who moves the child's head out of the way of the television set when they are begging for attention or the guardian who worships their child and treats them like a living project that can only compound in value over time with the attention paid to them today?

Obviously the doting mother is the preferred guardian for our little golden bib spoilers but what is it about the scrapbooking moms that separate them from the rest of the crowd? It is the action of taking their feelings, their memories, their love, their skills and their talents and creating something that truly turns common memories into works of art—keepsakes that can be handed down for generations.

This love for family, for community, for social order and the righteous zeal for living a good and happy life is what puts the bomp in the bomp shh bomp shh bomp. The scissor wielding, glue stick stamping divas are the colonels of the home front battles that take place every morning between thrown Cheerios and every evening between "one more drink of water" stalling techniques before bedtime.

We spend so much time protecting our children that we rarely give credit where it's due—to the guardians of those children—the ones who teach them to wipe their little bottoms and hold them when they are shrieking from 3 A.M. nightmares. Billie Holiday once sang, "God bless the child who can hold his own." I say we should also give praise and thanks to the monolithic mothers who stand guard over these children and, luck and heavy preparation provided, teach them to hold their own.

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Joshua Minton is a father and husband as well as a writer. He is co-developer, along with his wife, of the Video Scrapbook Diva DVD system which teaches mothers and fathers how to take their family films, transfer them to the PC and turn them into fantastic movies that can be shared with family and loved ones.

Josh has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing from Bowling Green State University. He has won several awards for his poetry and fiction, including the BGSU Alumni Book Award and was included in the 1999 edition of Who's Who in College America.

Josh's professional background is in the health insurance industry where he has spent the last two years serving as Executive Business Analyst for the Executive Director of the nation's largest health insurer. He currently serves as President of Family Bliss Enterprise, Inc. (http://www.familyblissenterprises.com) and is webmaster of http://www.joshuaminton.com where you can view samples of his essays, poetry, fiction and much more.

You can contact Josh at josh@joshuaminton.com

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Parenting And Politics

Writen by Robert Baird

The Cycle of Violence is a very touchy subject for most people. There are those who sit in positions where they know the depth of the problem and they might even know what could be done in some cases. But can they actually do something about it?

Here are some of the problems.

1. Parents think it is their right to have children and raise them as their father and other earlier family members raised them. They do not want to admit they are control freaks or abusers of one form or another. They may even think their religious indoctrination is correct despite the fact that it does nothing to teach the joy and soulful potential of sex alongside the civil and moral responsibilities that are connected.

2. Politicians know that if they addressed the totality of the problem it would mean many children would be taken away from parents and there is no social network in place like the extended family or clan that would ensure the children get the proper character development while having their human potential creatively embraced or developed. In some countries politicians enjoy wielding perverse power over people and giving them ridiculous religious laws or ideas about virgins in heaven or the place of man versus woman. Arranged marriages are a form of prostitution and marriage itself needs to place the rights of children ahead of the rights of parents. All children become wards or citizens of the state and the costs or dangers associated with abuse are many.

3. In the ethical system that allows older people to force naïve young people into wars or to work at things which are not productive we have a macro-social and soulful issue which is most egregious to say the least. There have been times when de-population makes sense and the whole planet can become threatened by rampant over-population so it makes sense to plan the parenting of children rather than allow de-population efforts to succeed. As mankind goes into space there will be a need for more people unless the robots take over. But sending poor examples of our species out to populate our galaxy is a most troubling issue for me.

4. Therapists are in danger of being sued if they say the victim is in need of therapy too. There are no intake questionnaires in schools or hospitals which might target certain at-risk children and class action suits against the government or its institutions could result if courts are not aware of the dangers of religious and ethnic mores and morays that actually generate abuse. Courts and therapists as well as teachers of proper training or education are not in agreement and the matter requires some kind of realization that we do indeed face a monstrous and real threat to our potential growth as a race or species.

5. Police forces and other powerful mundane jobs often attract people who are abusive or overly forceful. Fear and a lack of trust rather than healing and loving approaches are everywhere. We have seen growing awareness of the abuse of authority in churches in relation to pedophilia but that is only the tip of the iceberg.

Author of many books available at Lulu and World-Mysteries.com

Alternative Treatments For Head Lice

Writen by Nathalie Lafleur

Although there are many alternatives to the common lice-killing shampoos that you can get at the pharmacy, some of them are perfectly safe for you to use on your child, and some of them are not safe. Other methods lie somewhere in between because they have not yet been tested. Where children are concerned, an untested method should be thought of as unsafe even if your intuition tells you that it's safe. Just because a product is natural does not mean it's safe, and children can be even more sensitive than adults, especially when it comes to things like essential oils. The bottom line is that you should stick to methods that are not only proven to work, but that are also proven to be safe for your child.

The mainstream methods for getting rid of head lice include shampoos and creams that kill live lice. Unfortunately, these do not also kill the egg sacks that have hundreds of baby lice waiting to hatch out of them. It's for this reason that you might seek an alternative treatment to getting rid of head lice; if you kill the live lice, but still have to comb out the egg sacks by hand, why not also comb out the live lice while you're at it and save your child's scalp from exposure to the harsh chemicals of a lice-killing shampoo. That's not to say that these special shampoos are not safe. These shampoos are tested rigorously by the FDA and are the most common recommendation by pediatricians when it comes to treating head lice. Rest assured that if the FDA approves it, you can feel confident using it for your child.

On the other hand, the creams and shampoos offered at the health foods store and at the alternative health pharmacy (if there's one near you) are NOT tested by the FDA. This should serve as a huge red flag for you. These products, may, in fact, be 100% safe, but since they are not tested by the FDA it is not a risk that you should take when your child's health is concerned. If you're looking for an alternative to chemically-laden pharmaceutical shampoos and creams, get yourself ready for a marathon of hair combing.

If you're intent on removing the lice from your son or daughter's hair without chemicals, you should be aware that removing the lice by hand is a lengthy process. Lice move very fast, and for this reason you will have to go over your child's head, literally with a fine-tooth comb, multiple times in order to even begin to satisfactorily get rid of all the lice and all of the egg sacks that the live lice have left waiting to hatch. Prepare your child that the process will be long, and encourage them to read or book or engage in some game with you (I'm thinking of, for example) while you work through their hair. This will make the process not only easier for them to bear, but also for you. Why not make it into some quality time with your son or daughter for a chat or a game since you know you'll be spending a fair amount of time on the process?

Click here to learn more about effective Head Lice Treatments. Our brand new Head Lice Info Center website provides free articles, tips and resources about getting rid of your Head Lice problem.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Parents Instruction Manual

Writen by Carol Welsh

Just when we seem to have parenting techniques that work with the first child we discover that they don't work with the next. Wouldn't it be great if children were born with instructions? When you understand your children's perceptual styles, you'll discover they really are born with an "instruction manual."

Each of us is a unique combination of the Four Perceptions: Audio, Feeler, Visual, and Wholistic. When children are born, they are 100 percent Feelers. Although they will continue to have sensitive feelings during their formative years, their primary Perception will begin to reveal itself when they're about six months old.

The following is an excerpt of a story that reveals how differently the child behaves based on his primary perceptual style.

The principal desire for AUDIO Children is to maintain personal control and a sense of fairness. I was sitting in the allergist's office when a woman entered with her four-year-old, Aaron, and his cousins, Carrie, 13, and Curt, 11. Immediately Aaron started acting silly. His mother told him to sit down and behave. "No!" he shouted and giggled.

He picked up magazines and threw them on the floor. "Pick them up and put them back," his mother demanded. Aaron hurled them on the table and then noisily started rolling and kicking on the floor.

His mother glared. "Get up and sit down right now!" His seat barely touched the cushion before he was back on the floor again.

His mother said in a firm voice, "When we get home, we're having a cookout and then we're going swimming. If you don't behave, you will eat in your room and stay there for the rest of the night. The choice is yours."

The change in Aaron was instantaneous. "I'll be good."

Aaron's actions were motivated by his desire to maintain personal control. He wanted to show off to his cousins. When his control of the situation was threatened, his emotions drove his reactions and he became defiant.

When Aaron's mother gave him a choice, it allowed him to maintain personal control and he sensed the fairness.

The principal desire for FEELER Children is to please you or not make you angry. For Feelers, their feelings drive both their actions and reactions. Here is a summary of the same scenario about Aaron, only this time he's a Feeler.

Aaron was excited because his cousins were visiting. He started spinning around with his arms outstretched. Suddenly he lost his balance and crashed into the corner of the end table. "That's enough!" his mother snapped. "Come over here and sit down right now."

With his eyes lowered and shoulders hunched, he crept over to the chair in the corner. He drew up his knees and rested his head on his knees. Soon he quietly raised his head to wipe away a tear. Then he slid off his chair and pulled his shorts down to reveal the bruise to his mother while tears flowed and he whimpered, "I hurt myself."

"I'm sure it hurts, but it will get better," she said matter-of-factly.

Aaron threw his arms around his mother and said he was sorry. "It's okay," she said and smiled. Aaron glowed. All was right with his world. His mother wasn't mad at him. With a happy smile, he said, "I love you."

The principal desire for Visual Children is for everything to be perfect, just as they visualized it.

Visual children are usually obedient, unless they have to deal with an unexpected change. Then they might resist. Let's revisit Aaron as a Visual child.

Aaron was excited because his cousins were visiting. "Let's play!" he thought. He leaned against his cousin, Curt, and started pushing on his knees. Curt playfully pushed back Aaron's shoulders.

Aaron pushed harder. Curt returned the shove a little too hard and Aaron suddenly plopped on the floor. He giggled loudly and started pushing his cousin's legs with his feet.

"Stop that," Curt demanded. Aaron pushed again. This was fun!

"Aaron," his mother said sternly, "get up and sit down next to me."

Aaron climbed on to the chair. While he looked down at the floor, humiliation engulfed him. What must his cousins think of him?

When his mother's name was called, she got up to leave. Aaron quickly slid out of his chair and tearfully ran toward her. She turned and said, "You can stay and Carrie can read to you."

"But we always go together!" Aaron wailed. His mother stretched out her hand and he gratefully took it. She realized he wanted to do what they usually do, get their shots together. Visuals like routine because they can visualize what comes next.

The principal desire for Wholistic Children is to be treated like an adult. Since Wholistic children see themselves as adults, usually they are well behaved unless they're tired, bored or resentful. How different is Aaron's story as a Wholistic.

Aaron ran over to the chairs and asked Curt to sit on one side of him and Carrie on the other. Aaron pointed out the children's books. "I know all of them," he boasted. "Would you like one?" Carrie nodded.

Carrie started reading but it was going too slowly for Aaron. "I'll read," he said. He took the book and started telling the story. He quickly zipped through all the books.

As the minutes ticked by, boredom struck. He crawled under Carrie's chair. "I'm in my cave and if you get too close, I'll eat you," he squealed delightedly. He tickled the back of Carrie's legs. She let out a yell and stood up. Aaron laughed uproariously.

He pushed his head against the back of Curt's legs. "If you don't open the door right now, I'll bite you!" Curt parted his legs and Aaron squirmed through. The game was over.

Restlessness swept over Aaron again. He heard thunder and perked up. "Can I go see the storm?"

Carrie volunteered to take him. He instantly went from looking completely wilted to gleefully running to the door.

Soon he burst into the room. "Mommy, you should see the rainbow. Hurry before it goes away!" Ah, the wonderful, exciting world of new things to explore and investigate. And he was standing tall as his mother placed her arm around his shoulders.

When you recognize how each perceptual style influences actions and reactions, this insight helps you accept your children as they are instead of comparing them to other children. All children respond to love and acceptance.

Carol Welsh, M.S. is the author of "Stop When You See Red." She has over 25 years of experience as a speaker and is a frequent guest on talk shows. Her Web site is http://www.stopred.com

Camps For Troubled Teens Disciplines And Wilderness

Writen by Kent Pinkerton

Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen camps. There are two types of teen camps: boot camps and summer or wilderness camps. They usually last from one to six weeks, and while teens may shows signs of improvement for days or even weeks after coming home, they often revert back to old behaviors after the fear of authority disappears.

Boot camps are military-style facilities that use discipline, military exercises, rigorous physical training, and fear of authority to transform a troubled teen into a "good soldier" who follows rules. Unfortunately, most boot camps do not address underlying emotional or behavioral problems. Without therapy or behavior modification, long-term effectiveness is limited. If parents do chose to send their troubled teen to a boot camp, the best chance for long-term success is to follow it with a treatment program.

Wilderness camps are usually seen as an alternative to boot camps. Instead of the aggressive approach that boot camps tend to use, wilderness camps are more likely to be behavior modification programs with a component of the program held outdoors. They remove urban distractions so troubled teens can reconnect accept responsibility for their choices. Because these wilderness camps are generally held in summer, they may not include an academic component. There are a few that do, though, which is especially important for teens who have fallen behind during the school year.

The biggest benefit to wilderness camps as opposed to boot camps is that they often provide substance abuse treatment for troubled teens. Again, because wilderness camps usually only last for one to six weeks, the best chance for long-term success is to follow it with a treatment program. This will supplement and reinforce the treatment teens receive at camp.

Troubled Teens Info provides detailed information on schools, programs, camps, and homes for troubled teens. Troubled Teens Info is the sister site of Relationships Web.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Parenting Information What Not To Do When You Are Feeling Angry And Frustrated

Writen by Shelly Walker

I yelled at my daughter for the first time yesterday. It felt awful. In fact, I felt so bad that I proceeded to yell at my husband for not rescuing me from my own bad mood. Then I felt even worse. Ugh.

These moments of anger and frustration will definitely happen. Children push our buttons. If you have more than one child, it's probably the case that one of them tends to set you off even more often than another. It's what they do. It's up to us, as the adults, to learn how to deal with it in healthy appropriate ways.

The first key is to notice what triggers you. We all have specific triggers that we've adopted through the years. Some of our triggers have to do with our basic self-worth issues; some of them stem from unhealthy or dysfunctional patterns that we've perpetuated in our lives; often our triggers are simply physical in nature: I'm definitely more on edge when I haven't slept or eaten well.

So, over the course of nine years of parenting, I've noticed that I tend to get short-tempered when I'm already frustrated with something and my child demands my attention. That's exactly what happened yesterday. I was really mad at myself for not saving a really important file on the computer and I was frantically searching the computer files hoping it would magically appear. I was already upset and sincerely frustrated when my toddler decided that she wanted me right now. I don't know how they know it, but they always seem to know the wrong time to push. I snapped at her and closed the door and she melted into tears. Mommy had never snapped like that before. Ugh.

Okay, so being a conscious parent means that I take responsibility for my behavior. Things didn't go as planned yesterday. I'm going to learn my lesson and learn a new way of being so that the next time I'm already frustrated and I feel myself on that edge, I have some tools in my belt.

• I'm going to remind myself that my child is more important than my frustration – and I simply refuse take it out on her.

• I'm going to stop and take three deep breaths to re-center myself and ground myself in my True Nature.

• I'm going to know when to ask for help before it's too late.

• I'm going to recognize my triggers and be aware: if I'm already feeling punchy I'll cut back on the caffeine. If I'm already feeling frustrated, I won't let that feeling take over. I will re-mind myself of my other choices.

• I'm going to remember my values: that kindness, compassion and peace are what I look to, not violence. And even snapping at my sweet baby girl feels violent.

Remember in the heat of the moment that you do have choices. You don't have to yell. Yelling at your child is not the way to deal with your feelings. You really can rise above the flashes of anger and deal with them in appropriate ways.

Straight talk from the mom who has been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys, which will be filled with conscious parenting tips and parenting advice. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. Her website has great parenting information and free tools to help parents raise successful, empowered children. For a free copy of The Top Five Parenting Challenges: How to Succeed Where Others Fail, go to http://www.ParentingKeys.com

Creative Journaling For Girls Six Tips To Engage Creativity And Encourage Consistent Journaling

Writen by Jill Schoenberg Girma

Your child starts a journal with great enthusiasm, has all the intentions in the world of keeping at it, and, months later, you find the journal laying on her bookshelf covered in dust. Sound familiar? Creative Journaling makes the journal writing process more enjoyable, fun and creative and can help you overcome some of the barriers that may be keeping your child from consistent--maybe even daily--journaling.

I believe that the number one barrier to regular journaling by kids is their preconceived notion of how to journal. When presenting workshops on Creative Journaling for Girls, I often begin by asking the participants to describe to me what comes to mind when they envision themselves writing in a journal. The typical and common response I receive to my question goes something like this, "I sit and write about what happened to me that day." Although this is an apt description of journal writing, it does not sound particularly fun or enjoyable. Which is why, I believe, so many diaries and journals languish on bookshelves and what, in my opinion, stops a child from choosing journal writing as a regular and consistent activity.

Integrating creativity with journal writing can transform journaling from a mundane activity to a wildly enjoyable and fun one. The preconceived notion of journaling held by most girls is strong, however, and initially they hesitate when encouraged to get creative with their journals. But once it clicks with them that they can freely express their thoughts using both words and creativity their eyes light up! I have really hooked girls' interest in creative journaling when I offer them spangles, foam cut-outs, colorful feathers and glue to further embellish their journals. It's not long before they are laughing, giggling, creating, and journal writing, and what a glorious site it is. Huge smiles emerge on their faces and their eyes sparkle and shine with joy as they enjoy their creative journaling experience.

To help guide you and your child down the path of creative journaling I've listed some tips below. Try them out, add your own, or make up new ones and remember that there are infinite ways for you and your child to dress up a journal and integrate creative expression into your journals.

Creative Journaling Tips:

1. Journal Share - Make the journal experience interactive rather than secretive and solitary. Take a new approach to journal writing and declare that dairies are for secrets and journals are now for celebrating and sharing. This will allow you to play an active part in helping your child to complete her journal.

2. Brighten Journals with Color - Toss those pens and pencils aside and use markers, crayons and colored pencils instead. You will be amazed at how beautiful and joyful a journal becomes simply by adding color!

3. Summarize. Summarize. Summarize - There is no need to write page after page in a journal. A few words that summarize a day, or how you feel, or a few bulleted points that highlight the day's events is sufficient. Keep it short and simple and to the point by writing less than 10, 20 or 30 words, depending on your time constraints.

4. Write One Word - If you and your child have had a long day and do not have much time or energy left over for journal writing, simply choose one word that encapsulates the day and write that word across the entire page in big bold letters. Upon review at a later date you will be surprised how much can be recalled from this single word!

5. Make It Sparkle and Shine - Use stickers, spangles, glue, magazine cutouts, craft supplies (or craft leftovers from Mom's craft drawers). Get creative but keep it simple; this need not be a major production.

6. No Such Thing as Right or Wrong - Lastly, and most importantly, emphasize that there are no right or wrong answers while journaling. Journal writing should be freeing, not limiting, so give your child permission to break the rules she is required to follow in school (spelling, grammar...) so that she may fully and creatively express herself.

When journal writing becomes a creative adventure full of choices and options journals cease to languish on bookshelves and girls discover a positive and powerful tool of self-expression. Moreover, the completed creative journals become cherished keepsakes that can be used as tools of growth and reflection or as records of achievement and change. Keep it simple, get creative, but most of all remember to make the journal writing process enjoyable and fun for you and your child!

Jill Schoenberg Girma is the author of Journal Buddies: A Girl's Journal for Sharing and Celebrating Magnificence. She was born and raised in St. Cloud, Minnesota, attended the University of Minnesota, and received a Bachelor of Science degree in Youth Studies and Sociology. Her professional experience includes more than six years of working directly with young people––helping them to understand and develop their self-esteem, creative talents and life-skills.

Journal Buddies is available for purchase direct from the publisher by visiting http://www.journalbuddies.com or by emailing Jill at jill@journalbuddies.com. This title is also available on Amazon.com or by ordering through any retail store by the title "Journal Buddies: A Girl's Journal for Sharing and Celebrating Magnificence."

Monday, December 8, 2008

How Can I Glorify God Part 3

Writen by Carey Kinsolving

"If my mom is in a bad mood, I should just leave her alone," says Lauren, 11.

Good thinking, Lauren. When we consider glorifying God, we have a tendency to look for something big and difficult or something ecstatic and emotionally satisfying. The idea of something small like being considerate of mom when she's grumpy can pass us by.

Lauren, you might want to take a tip from John, 10: "I should start cooperating with my mom. I will try not to fight with my sisters."

Anyone who has ever had sisters knows this can be difficult. Glorifying God starts at home. Sometimes it's a lot easier to serve people we don't know than to show kindness and consideration to our own family.

"Today, I will not get in trouble. I will not play jokes on my mom," says Jessica, 8.

Playing jokes on mom can be dangerous, especially if she doesn't think they're funny. Consider yourself blessed if you have a mom who likes to laugh.

The Bible says we should honor our parents. (Exodus 20:12) There's even a promise of a long life for those who do.

To put aside our selfish tendencies in family life, we need help, says Katie, 11. "I could wake up early and just read the Bible and pray about what it says."

Katie, you have identified one of the most spiritually uplifting exercises anyone could ever do. The practice and art of Bible meditation is rare but powerful. Some have called Katie's exercise pray-reading the Scriptures. What better prayer could you offer God than one based on his Word? My wife and I try to make this a daily practice.

The Bible says Christians are a new order of creation. (II Corinthians 5:17) At the moment of being born again into Christ, the old memory patterns of living independently from God don't disappear. There's no delete button.

There is, however, a transforming process called renewing the mind, whereby we put off "it's-all-about-me" thinking and replace it with "it's-all-about-Jesus" thinking. (Romans 12:1-2) Christ-centered thinking glorifies God. It also connects us to reality. Jesus is the center of the universe. We're not.

Don't think you won't have competition for the time you want to spend renewing your mind, says Westen, 11. "I would spend a lot of time with God if I could just get a hint of when my best time is. I am busy a lot, and I also just forget because some days I just get really stressed out."

Many readers are nodding because we face Westen's dilemma every day. We can't seem to find time for God. If God could only make longer days, we could easily spend time with God.

I've never found an ideal time to spend time with God. I find that I have to make time. Even so, there's always something waiting to encroach on that time. Isn't it really about priorities?

Think about this: Glorifying God often means setting aside time to spend with God so that our minds can be transformed by meditating on his Word.

Memorize this truth: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2)

Ask this question: Don't we always find time for the most important things and people?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see Carey's Kid TV Interviews and more, visit http://www.KidsTalkAboutGod.org/ The Kids Talk About God website contains free, online content for children and families. Print free lessons from the "Kids Color Me Bible" and make your own book. Watch for free the adventures of an 11-year-old girl traveling around the world, visiting missionaries in the Mission Explorers Streaming Video. Print Bible pictures drawn by kids that illustrate Scripture verses. Receive a complimentary, weekly e-mail subscription to our Devotional Bible Lessons. Bible quotations in this column are from the New King James Version.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

What Are The Types Of Child Care Centers To Choose From

Writen by Christine Groth

You've come to the right place if your a new parent wondering what child care is all about. One of the first questions you may have is, "What are the different kinds of childcare ?"

There are many types of childcare that are available and my job is to tell you what each one is about. So first of all lets start with defining the different types.

Types of Children's Daycare Centers

Family daycares are established in a home and are typically licensed for up to 8 children. Other states may have different regulations.

Larger numbers of children in locations that are usually housed in commercial buildings are called "group centers". The number of children present at that location is based on the building's size and capacity.

Definitions of Types of Home Family Child Care Centers are as following according to Wisconsin State Rules and Regulations:

• Licensed Child Care Centers: A licensed child care center provides care for 9 or more children in a group facility

• Family Child Care Program: A family child care provider takes care of children in his/her own home.

Licensed Family Child Care: Licensed family child care providers can provide care for up to 8 children dependant upon their ages. He/she has completed a child care licensing class and must complete 15 hours of in-service training each year ( State of Wisconsin regulation, please check your state).

Certified Family Child Care Home: Certified family child care providers can provide care for up to 6 children, depending upon their ages. A certified provider has completed a 20 hour family child care certification and must complete 5 hours of in-service training each year.

Provisionally Certified Family Child Care Home: Provisionally certified family child care providers can provide care for up to 6 children, depending upon their ages.

These definitions should hopefully give you a greater understanding of how child care centers are separated. Your first choice should be deciding on whether you want your child attending a group or family center. Once you have figured out this question, proceed in choosing the correct provider.

Author of Instant Daycare Profits Home Study Course, Christine Groth has helped ladies start and run their own successful daycare centers. Receive her free newsletter series on how to start your own daycare. Go to http://www.instantdaycareprofits.com

Giftedexceptional Children Add Adhd Or

Writen by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

The job of raising America's children has changed significantly through the decades. From 1946 to 1964 the largest number of children ever were born—becoming known as the Baby Boomers.

During the 1950's children were born into this world in response to the prayers of a generation of war-torn individuals searching for peace.

The 1960's gave birth to the 'flower child'—"Make Love Not War." Unfortunately, the world wasn't ready for peace.

The 1970's became lost in disco in response to the 'flower children' going corporate. Materialism became the focus de jour—everyone wanted everything now—delayed gratification was no longer a virtue. Thus in order to keep up, both parents went to work. After school programs were slow to be implemented. Many children came home after school without a parent present—being left to their own devices or that of an older sibling, who might not have the ability to control a younger sibling. Without intent, the job of raising America's children fell on the school system. Classroom crowding and creative program cutting became common place. Teachers were stretched to the limit to keep it all together.

The answer became a life altering decision—ADD and ADHD was the cause—drugs were the solution. Children were sedated so teachers could manage large numbers of children in the classroom. The majority of people have heard or seen the guidelines to diagnose ADD or ADHD.

Recent studies, however, indicate a significant correlation between children diagnosed as ADD or ADHD and those who are gifted/exceptional children.

The National Foundation for Gifted and Creative Children (NFGCC) has listed the following characteristics to help parents and educators identify gifted/exceptional children.

• Highly sensitive and often emotional
• High energy
• Bores easily; may appear to have short attention span
• Resists authority if it's not democratically orientated
• Becomes easily frustrated
• Learns from an exploratory level often resisting rote memory or just sitting back and listening
• Cannot sit still unless absorbed in something of their own interest
• Is very compassionate; may fear the death or loss of loved ones
• If pressured to conform - May give up and develop permanent
learning blocks
• Withdraws if pressured to conform
• May sacrifice their individual creativity in an attempt to 'fit in.'

In 1982 Nancy Ann Tappe, who classified people's personalities according to the hue of their auras in her book, Understanding Your Life Through Color, the Indigo child phenomenon was introduced.

The Indigo phenomenon has been recognized as one of the most exciting changes in human nature ever documented in society. The Indigo characteristics describe the energy pattern of human behavior which exists in over 95% of the children born in the last ten years.

This phenomenon is global and eventually the Indigo characteristics will replace all other colors. As small children, Indigo energy is easy to recognize by their unusually large, clear eyes and aura color. Extremely bright, precocious children with an amazing memory and a strong desire to live instinctively, these children of the next millennium are sensitive, gifted souls with an evolved consciousness who have come here to help change the vibrations of our lives and create one land, one globe and one species. They are our bridge to the future.

Indigo children can be recognized by their characteristics and behaviors, which are strikingly similar to the NFGCC definition of gifted/exceptional children.

• They come into the world with a sense of knowing/understanding (and often verbalize it)
• They have a sense of "deserving to be here," and are surprised when others don't understand that frame of reference.
• High energy
• Sensitive and express feelings readily.
• Self-worth is not a big issue. They often tell the parents "who they are."
• They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice).
• They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.
• They get frustrated with systems that are ritually oriented and don't require creative thought.
• They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like "system busters" (nonconforming to any system).
• They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they often turn inward, feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.
• They seldom respond to "guilt" discipline ("Wait till your father gets home and finds out what you did").
• They are not shy in letting you know what they need.

It has become a social and medical edict to diagnose children, who don't fit the stereo type characteristics as having ADD or ADHD and given drugs as a means to make them conform. Then we scratch our heads and wonder why many adults use alcohol or drugs—prescription or illegal—to manage their lives.

It is imperative society affirms children's characteristics rather than make their uniqueness wrong or attempt to force the child to conform to society's preconceived notion of what is considered acceptable characteristics.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, international speaker and inspirational leader specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Fit Families Healthy Kids

Writen by Renee Kirchner

It's no secret that today's generation of kids is more sedentary than past generations. Many children today spend a huge chunk of time sitting in front of televisions, computers, and video games. Physical education programs are being cut in schools across the country as schools try to squeeze in more time for academics. How can a parent encourage their children to become more active?

I believe that parents are fitness role models for their children. If kids see their parents enjoying an active lifestyle, they are more likely to be active themselves. So if you retire to the couch after dinner and lie around all evening watching sitcoms, don't be surprised if you kids are couch potatoes too. Here are some suggestions of how you can get off the couch and encourage your family to live a more active lifestyle.

DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES TOGETHER

Instead of just asking your kids to clean their rooms, get them involved in more active household chores. Go outside and rake leaves together or shovel snow together in the winter. Younger kids can weed flower gardens while teenagers mow the lawn. If the whole family washes the car together, it will get done in no time. When you are finished with the outside chores, the whole family can celebrate by having a cookout in the backyard or going for a swim together.

MAKE EXERCISE A GAME

Kids don't need to go to a gym to get physically fit. They prefer activities that involve playing. Take your family to the park. Kids and adults will both enjoy slides, swings, and see-saws. You can take a kite on a windy day and take turns holding the string as you watch the kite glide across the sky.

GIVE KIDS MORE OPTIONS

Kids are more likely to go outside and play if they have more options. They won't get bored if you install a basketball hoop on the driveway, put a soccer net in the backyard or string a volleyball net across your pool. Invite other kids in the neighborhood over for a friendly game of basketball or soccer.

GO CAMPING TOGETHER

Taking a camping trip together is a great way to jump start your new active lifestyle together. Go for a long hike in the woods and take pictures of the wildlife. You could also take your mountain bikes along and ride on some trails. If your family likes the water, why not try a paddle boat or a canoe?

TAKE A TRIP THAT INVOLVES WALKING

Instead of sitting home on the weekend watching TV, go on an outing together that involves a lot of walking. A visit to the zoo is a great way to combine walking and fun. Kids won't even realize how much exercise they are getting. A water park is another great way to combine fun and exercise. Have you ever tried climbing all of those stairs to the top of the water slides? It's a lot of work.

I hope that you try some of these activities with your family. Once you get up and start moving, it will become a habit. Your children will reap the benefits of your family's new active lifestyle by becoming healthier and happier. Have fun!

Renee Kirchner is a parent, educator, and freelance writer who specializes in writing for children and parents. Visit her fun and informational blog for parents and their kids at http://www.family-friend.blogspot.com and find out more about Renee's writing services offered at http://www.lieurancegroup.blogspot.com or email her at renee.kirchner@usa.net to discuss possible writing projects.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Send The Kids Outside

Writen by Rae Pica

Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of your fondest memories are of outdoor activities and places. Perhaps you had a favorite climbing tree or secret hiding place. Maybe you remember jumping rope or learning to turn cartwheels with your best friend or playing fetch with the family dog. Do you recall the smell of lilacs, the feel of the sun on the first day warm enough to take off your jacket, or the taste of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich eaten on a blanket in the park? Did you enjoy lying on your back and finding creatures in the clouds?

Now ask yourself: Don't I want my child to have similar memories? Wonderful, happy memories?

Unfortunately, a great many of today's children will grow up without such fond memories because today's children spend far less time outdoors than did previous generations. According to William Doherty of the University of Minnesota, over the last twenty years there has been a 25 percent decline in the time children spend playing and a 50 percent decline in time spent in unstructured outdoor activities.

It is unfortunate because when children spend most of their time indoors, they'll not just be missing out on memories but also on everything else the outdoors has to offer them.

To begin with, the outdoors is the best place for young children to practice and master emerging physical skills and to experience the pure joy of movement. It's also the place where they're likely to burn the most calories, which is absolutely necessary in the fight against obesity.

Also, the outside light stimulates the pineal gland, which is the part of the brain that helps regulate the biological clock, is vital to the immune system, and simply makes us feel happier. Outside light triggers the synthesis of vitamin D. And a number of studies have demonstrated that it increases academic learning and productivity!

Young children learn much through their senses, and the outdoors is a virtual wonderland for the senses. There are different and incredible things for the children to see (insects, clouds, and shadows), to hear (traffic sounds, birdsongs, leaves rustling in the wind), to smell (flowers and the rain-soaked ground), to touch (a fuzzy caterpillar or the bark of a tree), and even to taste (newly fallen snow, a raindrop, or a freshly picked blueberry). Children who spend much of their time acquiring experiences through television, computers, and even books are using only two senses (hearing and sight), and this can seriously affect their perceptual abilities. Additionally, much of this learning, which falls under the content area of science, can't be acquired indoors. Nor can children who spend most of their time indoors be expected to learn to care for the environment.

Outside, children are more likely to invent games. As they do, they're able to express themselves and learn about the world in their own way. They feel safe and in control, which promotes autonomy, decision making, and organizational skills. Inventing rules for games promotes an understanding of why rules are necessary. And although children are just playing to have fun, they learn:

* communication skills and vocabulary, as they invent, modify, and enforce rules;

* number relationships, as they keep score and count; and

* social skills, as they learn to play together.

Then, too, there's the aesthetic value of the outdoors. Because the natural world is filled with amazing sights, sounds, and textures, it's the perfect resource for the development of aesthetics in young children. Since aesthetic awareness means a heightened sensitivity to the beauty around us, it's something that can serve children well at those times when, as adolescents and adults, the world seems less than beautiful.

Further, Mary Rivkin, author of The Great Outdoors: Restoring Children's Right to Play Outside, tells us there is on very basic reason that children need to experience being outside: humans evolved in the outdoors. They thus have a link with nature that can't be replaced – in fact, will be atrophied – by technology. She asks if, lacking intimate association with nature, we can still be human!

Children learn their values from the important adults in their lives. When they're not encouraged to go outdoors, they learn sedentary habits not easily changed and, more unfortunately, that the outdoor environment is of little significance.

Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activities (McGraw-Hill, 2003). You can visit Rae and read more articles at http://www.movinganndlearning.com.

A Mom A Mirror And An Opportunity To Teach A Young Man

Writen by Ellen Gaver

One day several years ago, my son and I had driven to the local miniature golf course (he was about nine at the time). It was not easy to maneuver my large, half-ton truck into the teeny little parking spaces provided. While squishing into the only parking space available, my truck grazed the outer portion of the side mirror of the car next to us. I quickly jumped out to take a look and found that the damage was extremely minimal, but still, I could see a slight scrape in the paint where my truck had brushed it. I was certain that the scrape would never be noticed by the owner of the car, and every fiber in my body wanted to park the truck and go inside, ignoring the scrape and forgetting the whole incident. However…….

My son was sitting in the passenger seat and, although I'm sure he didn't realize it, was waiting to see what I'd do. I realized in that moment, like a bolt of lightning, that I had an incredible opportunity to teach him a lesson of integrity. So I reached in the truck for a piece of paper and left a note for the owner of the car with my name and phone number. Sure enough, the owner called that night. I ended up paying $250 for a repair that I'm certain was never made, but I knew that I gained much more than I lost that day.

I believe that our children are watching us every second of every day. I believe that our actions shout what our words only whisper. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity I was given that day to show my son what a life of integrity looks like.

How about you? What life lessons have you shared with *your* precious kids lately?

Ellen Gaver lives on the Central Coast of California with her husband and son. Owner of Slo County Moms, she works from home educating families about healthy life choices and family balance. http://www.SloCountyMoms.com

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Secret To Becoming A Real Dad

Writen by Larry Bilotta

Why bother reading YET ANOTHER study, grinding out the insignificant details of why we have YET ANOTHER social problem?

ALL problems in our society really only come from ONE problem.

The trouble in our past, present and future can be explained in one simple sentence...

Failing fathers create challenging and troubled children!

I'll prove it...

Let me take you on a brief tour of the history of 'failing fathers' so you can see what kind of children they've produced.

Let's start with Saddam Hussein...

When Saddam's father left the family, it was up to his mother to raise him. When she could not, he was given over to his uncle Khairallah Tulfah, an army officer and Arab nationalist.

A deep bond between Saddam and Khairallah developed.

When Saddam was still a boy, Khairallah was expelled from the army and sent to prison for 5 years because of his public sympathy for Adolf Hitler and the Nazi belief system.

With Khairallah away at prison, young Saddam was sent back to live with his mother who had remarried a poor and reportedly lazy man named Hassan Al-Ibrahim.

Saddam's step father found him to be nothing but an inconvenience. When he was not neglecting Saddam, Hassan Al-Ibrahim would repeatedly abuse him.

And what kind of adult did Saddam grow up to be?

I don't think I even need to answer that.

Let's move on to Adolph Hitler...

Adolph's father was more than strict. Adolph's older brother ran away from home to avoid the violent beatings from his father. Adolph's father then shifted his attention to Adolph who then received daily beatings from his father.

What about Joseph Stalin?

Joseph Stalin's father was frequently drunk and often inflicted brutal blows on young Joseph.

Stalin's years of cruel treatment from his father developed a vindictive attitude that created his desire for revenge against any figure of authority.

Now let's look at the children of FAITHFUL fathers...

George Washington's memory of his father instilled a work ethic and integrity into George at an early age. Even though his father didn't live to see George's twelfth birthday, he fully imprinted his POSITIVE values on George during his most impressionable years.

Martin Luther King Jr. had one particular childhood memory etched into his mind regarding his father. He recalled his father taking him to Atlanta's segregated downtown to buy shoes.

When the clerk insisted that both father and son move to the back of the store to be waited on, Martin Jr. watched his father speak firmly to the clerk saying, "We'll either buy shoes sitting here or we won't buy shoes at all."

Martin Senior took Jr.'s hand and confidently walked out of the store.

The LAST example...

Football coaching legend Vince Lombardi is quoted endlessly. His father, Harry Lombardi, regaled his children with philosophies about freedom and responsibility. He consistently lectured them on his triangle of success: sense of duty, respect for authority and strong mental discipline.

So there you have it.

Saddam Hussein, Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler are children of FAILING fathers. George Washington, Martin Luther King Jr. and Vince Lombardi are children of FAITHFUL fathers.

Which did YOU have? A FAILING father or a FAITHFUL father?

To find out, give your father a "Real Dad Score".

The following definition sets the standard for what a TRUE father must be in order to produce a positive and productive child.

The first thing you need to do is scan your memories during the first ten years of your life. Throughout those years, rate your father according to the following definition on a scale of 1-100%, (With 100 being the highest rating)

REAL DAD DEFINITION: My dad was consistently tough but fair. He took a genuine interest in the challenges, opportunities and joys of each of his unique children.

Look back at your childhood years with your father.

If your father's score is in the 90's, chances are, you're already successful. If you rated your father in the 80's, you're leading a content life with very few struggles.

The 70's mean you may have some issues, but they're not anything you can't work around. Read Dad scores in the 60's indicate the beginning of life troubles.

Real Dad scores in the 50's and below create a troublesome life unless you deliberately rebel against the way you were raised.

When your Real Dad score drops below the 50's, the effects can be seen in your career, marriage, social life and the lives of your OWN children as well.

You've heard the slogan, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", but now you can see how it applies to real life.

And that's the profound truth.

Fathers create the quality of "apple" (son/daughter) and with few exceptions, apples remain where they fall.

If you have troubles today, it's NOT your fault, but it IS your responsibility to take control of them. Should you place blame on your father and be angry that he saddled you with these problems?

Of course not.

What your father did or didn't do DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.

It's HISTORY. There's nothing you can do to change your past.

Since your father can't repair the damage he did, placing blame on him only gives you temporary emotional relief, but that will quickly wear off leaving you back to square 1 - STUCK with your emotional pain once again.

Bottom line?

Don't blame your dad for what he did back in your childhood. He did what he did based on what HE KNEW at the time. (What he learned from HIS father.)

This is the reason why generations of successful families produce generations of successful adults as seen in the Rockefellers.

It also explains why there are "crime families".

If you didn't have a Real Dad yourself, you can STILL change the course of history for YOUR CHILDREN.

Start by focusing on following the "Real Dad" definition and applying it to every situation with your children.

Repeat the definition to yourself during those times when your children challenge you and test your patience. You must resist the urge to give in to your negative feelings that tell you otherwise.

YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU TO SUCCEED. They NEED a FAITHFUL father.

Now that you have a clear target or goal that you can strive to achieve, focus on the Real Dad definition.

It will keep you going in the right direction and ensure that you raise a confident and successful child who will contribute to our nation's future.

And lastly, if you're a woman reading this thinking it doesn't apply to you...THINK AGAIN.

YOUR JOB is to spread the word to the men you know about what a Real Dad is and why it's so important to become one.

By doing this, we'll be able to stop this vicious cycle of troubled fathers creating troubled children once and for all.

If YOU didn't have a Real Dad and you'd like to learn how to instantly eliminate painful feelings, STOP dwelling on your problems and start feeling better FAST, get your FREE 7-day email mini course at http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/self.html.

New Mexico Child Support

Writen by Holcy Thompson III

Child support payments occur only when parents are not living with each other. New Mexico Child support is regulated by the state and federal agencies across America. Each state in America has programs to help custodial and non-custodial parents pay, process, and collect past due, child support payments

New Mexico child support programs are administered through the child support enforcement department. As a custodial or non-custodial parent, it is important that you learn more information about the process of collecting and receiving New Mexico child support payments.

When a custodial parent wants to collect child support payments, they must first establish paternity of the child. When establishing paternity, the court orders will go out for the father to pay child support.

Once the father or mother is placed on child support and they refuse to pay, the New Mexico Child Support Enforcement Office will provide assistance in collecting payments. The New Mexico Child Support Enforcement Office has several methods in providing assistance in collecting child support payments. The well known method used to collecting child support payments is income withholding, where the child support payments are automatically withdrawn from the non-custodial parent's paycheck. This method is used because it is considered the easiest and most convenient method for both parents.

Other methods are used such as having the non-custodial parent's tax refund intercepted, driver's or professional license revoked, and passport denial. There can even be liens placed on properties or bank accounts if the non-custodial parents refuses to pay child support.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Thinking Forward

Writen by Marsha Maung

Sometimes it appears as though there isn't any point in cleaning up the house because the moment you're done picking the things up, cleaning, mopping and sweeping, the kids are going to do their thing and everything's going back to…being a mess! And after spending a considerable amount of time mulling in the kitchen cooking up a storm, all you get is 'yuck' or 'I don't want to eat'. And just when you thought you could spend a couple of hours relaxing in the tub with a book you've started reading AGES ago, the kids are fighting and tearing each others' hair out.

You sit there and wonder…gosh, is this what I bargained for? Is this what motherhood is all about?

I voiced my concern to a close friend whom I knew wouldn't think I was looney or a bad mother and this is what she said to me, "Appreciate the noise and the ruckus that they create now because there will come a time when YOU have to make a whole lot of noise for them to notice you. It's far off in the future…but the time will eventually come".

What she said struck a chord in me (although I sniggered in her face, rolled my eyes skyward and gave her a 'yeah, right' look) and I came home thinking. The kids were out in the in-laws' place, so, the house was pretty quiet then. There was nary a sound to be heard throughout my small but comfy condo. The only sound that I could hear was the sound of the fan spinning madly and my keyboard.

Sitting there, I imagined what it would be like to live in a home like this for the last 10, 20…or 30 years of my life. What an unbelievably scary thought? No kids screaming and knocking things over? No children to come complaining to you about how the other siblings have snatched his or her toy? No kids whining and pleading about that extra cookie before bedtime? What would life be like then?

It's when we do this type of forward thinking that we will appreciate the kind of noise that is here in the home now. We may define the noise that they make as 'stress' or 'annoying' but at the end of the day, it's precisely this type of noise that we will one day miss.

So, when you start thinking 'Is this what I bargained for? Is this what motherhood is all about', think forward and you'll start wishing that the day will never come.

Marsha Maung is a freelance graphic designer and copy writer who works from her home in Selangor, Malaysia. She loves nothing more than blowing bubbles in the park with her 2 kids, Joshua and Jared. She designs apparel and premium items at http://www.allmomstuff.com and is the author of "Raising little magicians", and the popular "The Lance in freelancing". More information can be found at http://www.marshamaung.com

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Parent Teacher Organization

Writen by Bob Roach

The real deal is real simple. Your children will be having an open house at their school. It will likely come in the first week of school. To go or not to go ... that is the question.

As a concerned parent and teacher I would like to share some ideas that will encourage you to do the right thing. Go to your childs' P.T.O. meeting. It may be called an open house but it is all the same. It is very important that you attend.

Your childs' school will be getting ready for the open house and will receive you with open arms. It is very important that you attend the first open house. The open house will give you an opportunity to get to know the teachers and support staff that will be working with your most prized possession. It will also get them a chance to meet you and realize that you are a concerned parent. Think about this... it would be nice if the first time you met teachers and the principal is a positive meeting. Don't let the first meeting be a time when your child has made a bad decision.

Not only is it important to start of on a positive note, but there is a great chance that your childs' school needs your help. The P.T.O. is a very valuable and important organization in our schools. Each and every parent should attend the first meeting so that they can join the P.T.O. and decide how they will participate as a member. Parents are needed to actually hold offices in the organization. A president, vice president, secretary and treasurer will be key components to the success of the organization and ultimately to the part they play in the every day functions of the school.

If an officer is not where your talent lies then you may need to sign up to be a volunteer. When you are put on the list it makes you eligible to make a difference in your childs' school. Some of the areas that need volunteers are: Making pop corn at the ball game, helping with field trips, helping with field days, chaperoning dances or academic field trips. While this list is not all inclusive, it certainly should express the need for volunteers in the P.T.O.

I encourage you to be a responsible parent and do all that you can to be an active participant in your childs' education. Being active in the P.T.O. and attending that first open house are rewarding steps that will be helpful to you, your child, and the school they attend. Do not miss out on the opportunity to be a parent that can make a difference.

Bob Roach Father of one and middle school teacher of literally thousands over the past thirty years. To find out more parenting tipswrite me at: rproach@yahoo.com

Life Is Short Tragedy Reminds Us What Matters Most

Writen by Bret Woffinden

We had a recent tragedy in our extended family. Our relative was up in the mountains driving with his wife and baby daughter. They passed another vehicle and hit a semi head on. The entire family was killed instantly. For them, life was too short.

Very sad. A real tragedy.

However, everything that we experience in this life teaches us something - perhaps many things. Sometimes such a tragedy can remind us what matters most in life.

We never know when we are going to go. We hear all the time that we should plan for the future, think long term, and be patient. This is all true, but don't forget about the here and now. Yes, plan for the future as if you will be here to see it. But fully enjoy each and every moment you spend here as if it will be your last.

Do you feel like you are focusing on what is most important? There are thousands of little choices we make each day. We can choose to watch TV, or we can read a book as a family. We can get upset and yell at the kids about mud on the carpet, or we can clean it up together. We can buy junk food at the store or we can plant a garden.

Everyone makes a difference in the world. Parents make a bigger difference because their influence lasts two, three, and perhaps more generations.

When you are deciding what matters most, look at the big picture. Take a step back and ask yourself if your daily actions over the past 3 years have gotten you and your family where you had hoped. If so, keep it up and adjust as needed. If not, what could you change now, so that the next 3 years will be better?

Ask yourself the following questions. How do I want to be remembered by family and friends? If I died right now, would I be remembered that way? Have I accomplished my purpose or calling in life? What big or small changes need to happen in my life so that I will be ready to meet my maker?

Bret and Sharie are freedom fighters for family values. Through study and their own experience, they have found the key elements that bond a family forever. http://www.FamilyExcellence.net

Monday, December 1, 2008

Solutions For A Rebellious Child

Writen by Denise Boggs

This is a question that thousands of parents face every day. There are many solutions to this problem; some have proven to be successful, and others have not. As a Christian writer and mother of three children, I will share one option that really works; (it worked in our home) therefore it is not a theory, it is a proven solution to the problem of rebellion. I had to learn these lessons the hard way, but thankfully I learned them in time to take care of the rebellion problem while my children were young.

When and where does rebellion start?

Rebellion in the home starts slowly but gains momentum as it continues. Like a snowball, it first starts with a handful of snow; but as it rolls down the hill, that innocent little ball of snow gets bigger and bigger. You may be looking at a child that is rebellious and you are wondering how this happened when just yesterday she/he seemed to be so good. It wasn't just since yesterday; rebellion takes place over time. The rebellious actions and attitudes may not have been referred to as rebellion until they got out of hand and so big everyone is affected.

With your child, think for a minute… when did the rebellion start? I will use the Cute Puppy story to help you pinpoint when it may have started.

The Cute Puppy

Place yourself as the mom in this story: Once upon a time there was a stray puppy that came to your door, and because he was so cute you fed him. The next day this cute puppy, with sad eyes, comes to the door and this time you let your children feed him. The third day the cute puppy doesn't look so sad anymore - he is now wagging his tail because he knows he has found a friend. The fourth day you feed the cute puppy and let him inside for a nap.

One small thing had been overlooked - the family rule of "no pets in the house." Your husband had requested that the family set this rule after a new sofa had to be bought because the old one had been soiled by the family dog. The dog had since died, but the rule had been forgotten. The fifth day the cute puppy comes to the door wagging his tail and this time you let him come in to eat, take a nap, and play awhile. After all he is so cute and the kids are having so much fun… what could be wrong with having him in for a little while? After an hour or so you say, "We need to take the puppy outside before your father comes home." "Oh Mom," the kids cry, "let him stay in just a little longer; he is so cute and we are having so much fun." You agree to allow him to stay just a little longer by saying, "only if you will not let him up on the couch, you remember how your father feels about that." "Ok, we won't" the kids say.

But no matter how cute a puppy is, it is a puppy, and a puppy will do what puppies do. As the games continue, the puppy jumps up on the couch to get a ball. "Mom, come look at how he jumps to get the ball." The kids cry, "He is the cutest puppy." But before anyone could stop it, you guessed right, he lifts up his cute little leg and… oh no, what do we do? Dad was due home any minute and the sofa was wet, and the living room smelled like a dog.

You have a great idea, "Ok kids, we will go out for dinner and call someone to come over and clean the sofa while we are gone." This seemed to be a good way to deal with the problem. Dad doesn't get mad, you are off the hook, the kids are happy, and the cute puppy still has a home.

What really happened that day?

A seed of rebellion was planted.

The kids were taught that it is ok to break a family rule.
They learn to disrespect Dad, and that his requests really do not matter.
They learned if something feels good and it is fun, just do it.
They learned to find a way out of trouble.
They learned to cover things up, what Dad doesn't know won't hurt him.

Another example of how rebellion gets started:

Rebellion is like a tiny seed, it is planted in tender soil and then it begins to grow. You may not notice that the seed is growing until it pops up one day out of the ground. You may not take time to do anything about the little weed, or the little lie your son told you about where he went after school. But just like the little weed in the flower garden, if it is not pulled up it keeps growing. As the weeks and months go by, the little lie and the little weed are both growing and no one is noticing. You may look out the window one day and see that the weed has become a tree and the son is not coming home at all. How did it happen? Just yesterday everything was fine. No, it takes time for a weed to grow into a tree and it takes time for rebellion to grow in a child. When rebellion has not been dealt with in the early stages, the results are very predictable. Proverbs 29:15 says, "A child left to himself will bring his mother and father much shame."

Your child is like a garden and what is planted will come up or come out. Start today weeding the flower garden. Observe what is coming out of your child's mouth. Is it weeds or beautiful flowers? I would consider a child's mocking and disrespectful words as weeds. When these weeds first come up, pull the weed up by simply saying, "That is unacceptable." Apply Proverbs 29:17 and correct them. When correction is given correctly, out of love, God assures you in Proverbs 23:13-14, that you will spare your child from future destruction. Then do your homework; find out how the seed was planted in the first place and eliminate the source of the problem. As a parent you have the authority given by God.

Bad seeds come from various sources:

TV programs and movies today are full of violence, sex, and deception. The friends that your children are hanging out with are a very strong influence and need to be carefully monitored. And just as in the Cute Puppy story, the way parents cover up things can plant a seed of rebellion also.

If you have a rebellious child, take action today! For complete article on what to do with a rebellious child go to article at livingwatersministry.com

For article on rebellion http://www.livingwatersministry.com/articles.php?viewtype=read&trans=20 Denise Boggs is an author, teacher, and director of Living Waters Ministry. She writes a daily devotional call The Path Called Righteousness. http://www.livingwatersministry.com/devotionalsubscribe.htm