Parent Helper

The Organized Parent 8 Tips For Getting Your Growing Familys Act Together

2009-03-04T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Jennifer Hull

One child is a relationship. Raising two or more is a small business. To stay sane as the family grows, you need to organize and plan effectively.

What follows are 8 tips for keeping family life on track as school events, pediatrician appointments and errands multiply.

*Keep a "Waiting For" file. My file currently contains: birthday invitations responded to, information on my girls' upcoming dance recital, and receipts for uniforms on order. Without this file, these papers would be on my desk.

*Read the school newsletter. Skip the newsletter and the school gods will get you. Your kid will arrive in uniform on costume day. You'll find out about the big pilgrim event after the turkey's been roasted. Note newsletter events - then look for them to change in the next newsletter.

*Get an electronic organizer. As the family grows, so do the number of regularly scheduled events. Kids' activities, PTA meetings - why record these by hand each week when you can program them to repeat? The best gift I got preparing for my second child was a Palm organizer.

*Keep spring open. Once the kids start school, May and June are as busy as December. Schedule a business trip during the last month of school and you risk missing an important event. Keep your calendar as clear as possible during this time.

*Create an inbox for your mate. You swear you left it on the counter for him. He hasn't seen it. Avoid conflict by giving your spouse an inbox. Put the roofing estimate job in the box and place flowers on the counter.

*Meet with your spouse. Plans made in passing don't always register. Men are lousy at multitasking. Women get overwhelmed at home. Sit down and compare calendars. Start by scheduling date night.

*Consider birthday parties optional. The more kids you have, the more invitations you get. Pass on those that don't fit your schedule. But RSVP so the busy birthday parent can plan.

*Preserve free time. My favorite days with my girls are the unscheduled ones. Set aside time to just hang out together. It's as important as anything else you'll do.

Jennifer Bingham Hull is an award-winning author and mother of two. Her book, Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life, looks at life after the second child. Jennifer's articles have appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Working Mother and many other publications. Visit http://www.growingafamily.com/ where you can contact her to receive this "Life Beyond One" column regularly and sign up for her free newsletter.

The Power Of Positive Selfesteem

2009-03-03T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Barb Desmarais

Nathanial Brandon, the well-known author of several books on self-esteem tells us that "self-esteem is the key to success or failure." He also says that parents can't give their children self-esteem if they don't possess it themselves.

Why do we want our kids to have a positive sense of self-worth? Children who like themselves make friends easily, tend to be leaders rather than followers, understand that mistakes are a tool for learning, are willing to take risks and generally see the bright side of life. They have a lot of confidence and just know they have what it takes to be able to realize their dreams.

We all know adults who lack self-esteem. It's sad because often they are people who have so much to offer but somehow lack the confidence to share their skills and knowledge with the world. They avoid situations that might present potential risk. They limit their network to only those people they feel completely safe and secure with. They don't dare risk publicly displaying what they know for fear of humiliation of rejection. Taking any kind of risk is just too scary.

It's often been said that in life we don't regret the things we did as much as the things we didn't do. We can all look back on missed opportunities. The fear of failure and rejection is enormous yet read the stories of any highly successful person and you'll find that they faced rejection over and over again. They also "failed" many many times. What made them succeed is that they weren't discouraged by rejection and continued to believe in themselves.

The view we have of ourselves was established in childhood. It came from the way the adults who cared for us responded to our accomplishments, our dreams, our aspirations and our so-called mistakes. It came from how they honored and acknowledged our uniqueness and our special abilities. The view we took on of ourselves stayed with us even as we left childhood and became adults.

Children want to know that we believe in them. There are a variety of ways we can deliver that message. They want to know that no matter what we will always be there for them. They need to feel safe in their own environment.

All of us are only using a fraction of our potential. Why don't we do whatever it takes to ensure our kids become the magnificent people they're meant to be and experience success in all aspects of their lives?

Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach and host of "The Parenting Coach Show" on http://www.snippetradio.com. Visit her website at http://www.theparentingcoach.com. She can be reached at barb@theparentingcoach.com

Summer Boredom Busters 10 Great Ideas To Keep Kids From Getting The Summer Blues

2009-03-02T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Polly Schlafhauser

Keep kids from getting the summer blues with these ten great ideas.

Build an Ice Cream Stand Find a local ball park busy with little league ball games and set up an ice cream stand. Let the kids build and decorate the stand out of wood or cardboard (old refrigerator boxes work well) and add their menu to the outside. Keep kids involved by letting them be in charge of buying the supplies (large bulk clubs like Sam's Club are great for this) and figuring out how much to charge. Encourage your kids to donate a portion of their profits to a charity or add some fun games for their customers to play while enjoying their ice cream. Keep the ice cream cold by burying it in plastic containers at the bottom of a big cooler filled with ice.

Organize a Summer Playgroup Ask other parents to join you and your kids at a local park once a week. Play on the playground, organize lawn games, or provide crafts for the kids.

Hold a Treasure Hunt Write up clues that will lead your kids on a hunt through the neighborhood and to local places of interest. Begin by mailing the first clue to the kids (what kid doesn't like to receive mail?) and letting them figure out where to go. You can spread the clues out over the summer or have them complete the hunt in a day. At the end, have a "treasure" of prizes available as reward for their accomplishments. You can make it interesting by writing the clues on scrolls or by making them educational

Start a Neighborhood Business If your child is old enough, help them start a small neighborhood business like pet watching, dog walking, mother's helper, or house watching (getting mail, watering plants). Help them create fliers, determine pricing, and of course help them understand how to provide excellent customer service.

Host a Neighborhood Cookout Encourage your neighbors and friends to take a break from their busy lives by inviting them to a neighborhood cookout. Include the kids by having them help make invitations, plan games, and prepare food. Make it easier on yourself and family by asking your friends and neighbors to bring a dish to share.

Join a Reading Contest or Challenge Encourage your kids to get lost in a good book this summer by signing them up for your local library's reading contest. Common among most libraries, book challenges are a great way to keep kids reading through the summer and earn prizes and awards for their achievements.

Start a Summer Scrapbook or Memory Jar Start by saving small mementos from your summer vacations, activities, and trips. Over the summer let the kids add them to a scrapbook or store in a decorated memory jar or box. Make it fun by giving the kids a challenge of finding the most unique memento from their excursions.

Hold a Carnival Let your kids organize a backyard carnival for friends and neighbors. Kids can be kept busy building a ticket booth, organizing games, planning food, and buying prizes. Let them take charge here; you will be amazed at what their imaginations can do!

Write a Family or Neighborhood Newsletter Put your kids in charge of writing and publishing a family or neighborhood newsletter. Let them write creative articles and share the scoop on what is going on with friends and family. This is a great way to help them improve their writing skills and keep them busy at the same time.

Start a Puzzle Pick out a large challenging puzzle and put it in an out of the way place. Encourage the kids to slowly add and complete the puzzle throughout the summer. This is a great one to have on hand when they say "I'm bored".

Polly Schlafhauser is Founder and President of Families with Purpose, a website dedicated to helping busy families enhance their family life and find time for the little things in life. To subscribe to their FREE newsletter or to find more creative ideas to beat the Summer Boredom Blues, visit their website at http://www.familieswithpurpose.com

Missed Opportunity Are My Parents To Blame

2009-03-02T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Kacy Carr

Parents have undying love for their babies which grows stronger and stronger each and every day.

The infancy months where four hourly feeds are followed by the hand aching task of burping baby. Dribbles of milk flow through your fingers as the infant rests his/her weary scrunched up face in the palm of your hand fighting off the land of nod. What is baby thinking? As he/she loses the battle to stay awake.

Then we have the nightmare months of the toddler years where mum and dad need eyes in the back of their heads. It is at this time we teach the toddler to walk/talk, and when they do we tell them to shut up and sit down. It only takes a second for baby to scale the stairs, and then it is panic stations while you negotiate and try to convince the child to stay put till you manage to reach out for them. What a relief when you have them safe in your arms smothering them with affection while you chastise them. What is the child thinking? Being loved and shouted at, at the same time.

We have the first day of school where many a mothers' heart is broken leaving their child behind. Some children adapt easily to their new school and we have the ones that don't. Thus making it harder for mummy/daddy to leave as teacher tries coaxing the screaming child tugging at the apron strings. What is the child thinking?

Teenage tantrums have to be controlled and the best person for the job is the parent. We are there to lend a shoulder to cry on all because they can not have Justin Timberlake or Brittany Spears on their arm. Then as parents we struggle with Once upon a time there were the birds and the bees. Parents are the first to see danger signs. Whether it be the wrong choice in boy/girlfriend or maybe the people they hang out with. so when they receive a clip around the ear for doing something they felt was right and mum and dad didn't, then what was that child thinking?

The wedding ring exchange between your child and their partner tells you the parent it is time to let go now they have all grown up. But do we ? I don't think so.

Whatever the age of your kids you will find they will always be your babies.

What were those children thinking? Well let me tell you, mum and dad it because they cared.

Want to know what the married kids were thinking? Well I think you may have guessed that one yourself. So you see as protective and caring parents we could not let go if we wanted too because someone has to look after the grandchildren.

It is cruel world out there and in some sad cases children have lost their parents to illness or misfortunate events and have no one to point them in the right direction. If you want to help your kids then further their education. This way they have a chance to get on in life. An educational background works wonders in the career world. You can find more information about online education on the internet.

Don't have your kids thinking they missed out on an opportunity because mum and dad chose not care anymore.

This is an amazing site with proven results with your kids best interests at heart http://www.allaboutonlineeducation.com

How To End The Misery Of Bedwetting

2009-03-01T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by G Jones

When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend to become dry during the day more easily than at night. During the day they are awake and aware of their feelings and can go to the toilet normally. However, at night, when they are asleep, the usual feelings of a full bladder aren't sufficiently strong to wake them. The result is a wet bed. Or, young children have to continue wearing diapers at night.

Fairly soon they realise this is not normal. They wonder why they don't need a diaper during the day, but do need one at night. They might also talk to siblings or friends and discover that they don't need a night-time diaper. This will only compound their worries.

Throughout childhood, your son or daughter is trying to establish their identity; they are trying to find out who they are. They also want to make sure they 'fit in', that they are just like everyone else and that they are not abnormal. As soon as they discover that wetting the bed is not usual, they worry.

Your child might not say they are worried, but they will be. What this means is that you need to do everything you can to reduce the potential for concern. That means treating the bed wetting occasions as normal, no trouble. Don't make a big thing out of them. The more you make a fuss, the more the child thinks they are unusual, out of the ordinary. And when that happens, they are more likely to continue wetting the bed.

Also, it's important not to punish the child. One survey found that 21% of all children who wet the bed are punished for doing so. But the child has no idea why the punishment is taking place. They are doing something natural - urinating - and they can't connect the punishment to any crime. This can lead to all sorts of difficulties for the child, including social ones. Punishment is also counterproductive, lengthening the time it takes to achieve night time dryness.

Instead of punishment, children who wet the bed need support, guidance and encouragement. Positive reinforcement of the good times - when they have a dry night - is much more likely to succeed in the long term.

The problem for most parents is that the best methods of dealing with bed wetting also take a long time. The child also gets frustrated at the delay in achieving a dry night. That's whey encouragement and a positive home and attitude are essential in helping children come to terms with the difficulties they face.

The more you talk about bed wetting and make them feel abnormal, the worse the situation will become. The more you treat each bed wetting incident as a normal everyday occurrence, the quicker the dry nights will arrive.

For more information on how to deal with bed wetting and end the misery for your child visit Bed Wetting Info.

Getting Through To Your Teenager

2009-03-01T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Joe Martin

Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that you've made yourself) after you've warned them at least a thousand times? Is there anything more frustrating as a parent?

Well, this is somewhat typical in most "normal" households across America. We (parents) screw up, tell our children about it, and what do they do? They go out and repeat the same mistake. It makes you question your own gene pool.

In actuality, the problem isn't with the teenager (at least not all of it), the problem is in our approach to teaching our teenager the lesson we want them to learn. In a sense, we act just as crazy sometimes; we teach them using the same strategies that didn't work a month or year ago. We should be asking ourselves, when will we learn from our past mistakes?

Here's a better approach that I've experimented with few times with my own students. It's a modified version of the Socratic method. You simply lead your teenager to a predetermined answer that they come up with on their own. That's it. I know it sounds easy, but it takes quite a bit of practice. Allow me to demonstrate.

A parent of one of my students confided in me that her son was hanging around a dangerous group of boys in the neighborhood. She believed his friends were possibly into drugs, gang violence, and other criminal activity. With no father figure in the home, she thought maybe I could "get through" to him.

I asked her, "What have you said to him?" She replied, "I've told him at least a hundred times that his friends are up to no good, and they're going to eventually get him into trouble and jeopardize his future." She continued, as she cried, "I told him that I made the same mistake when I was his age, and he didn't want to go through the pain I did. I just can't get him to listen."

A lot of us can relate to this mother's frustration. We want so much for our children to avoid the mistakes we made. We can't understand why they can't understand our concern, and we become frustrated and sometimes even angry.

Well, I agreed to meet with her son after class. But I decided to use a different approach. I figured the old approach wasn't working, so what did I have to lose? After a little small talk, I simply asked a couple of simple questions, "Who are your three closest friends?" After he gave their names (all part of the group his mom disliked), I asked him a second question, "If you died tonight, and you had children, would you want any of those friends raising your son or daughter?"

After an extremely long pause, I let him off the hook by saying, "You don't have to give me the answer, but I do want you to ask yourself another question. If you wouldn't let them raise your children in the future, then why are spending most of your time with them today?" That was the end of our discussion.

This little episode may or may not have put him on the right track, but it did one thing his mother was unable to do get through to him. He now had to make his own decision based on his own reality, not his mother or his teacher and then accept responsibility for the consequences of that decision.

And that's all you can really do for teenagersget them to think for themselves. If you did a good job teaching your children in the early years, the growing process (including the mistakes) is a lot easier to accept.

The key to getting through to your teenager is to say less, and ask more in order to get them to do more thinking. The more you say, the less they'll think. And the less they think, the more mistakes they're inclined to make. So, take your own advice, learn from your past mistakes by adopting a new approach.

Dr. Joe Martin is an award-winning speaker, author, professor, and educational consultant and owner of New Teacher Success. Visit http://www.newteachersuccess.com today!

Stimulating Nurturing And Communicating With Your Child

2009-02-28T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Linda Milo

To help your baby develop a good attitude about him or herself, and to discover that life is exciting and wonderful, two things are most important: talking and touching. All children are born with the capacity to understand words and to learn to talk. Children start to communicate their needs from the moment they are born. When your baby hears your voice, he will stop what he is doing and listen. At about four months old, your baby will respond with noises when someone is talking to him. The first sounds your baby makes sound like e's and eh's and a's. These are called "discomfort sounds" of crying. A cry will sound like e, eh, and a. Your baby also communicates with gestures, facial expressions, and body movements.

Very soon after birth, a baby will also learn the sounds of ah, oh, and oo. These are called "comfort sounds" and you can usually hear them when your baby is content. Paying attention to these different sounds helps to establish a way your baby can talk to you. Every baby understands that when he makes these sounds, his mother or father will respond by doing something. At about six months of age, these sounds will show up in combination. This is the point when your baby will start to babble.

When your child starts "baby talk," your response should be smiles and praises. Imitate that sound back to your child. When you imitate these sounds, he'll probably say them right back to you. Hug your child and tell him how pleased you are that he is talking. How much and in what way our child will talk depends, to a great extent, on you. A child hears his first words from his parents and for the first few years most of the speech they continue to hear is from you. If a lot of talking goes on in the home, particularly directed to them, they will assume speech is important. They will work harder at speaking and will talk sooner and more.

Language develops by speaking with your child as much as possible. Whenever you're feeding, changing, bathing, and walking your child, talk to him. When you talk to your children, they are learning to put words to certain actions and objects. This helps your child express his needs in words. In order for you to share more complicated thoughts and ideas, your child must begin to develop language, speech at first and then writing. Just a few simple sounds during the first year of life will lead to the use of thousands of words by the time your child is a teenager.

Another wonderful way to stimulate language development is by reading to your child daily. You can read during the day or before bedtime. Hearing your voice communicates love and security to your child. Many parents tell me that their child let's them know they want to be read to when they being a book out of their book basket or shelf and hand it to their parent's to read to them.

Children's feelings are a good way to stimulate and nurture your child. Use words to describe how you think your child is feeling: "Jane looks very unhappy right now," or "Tim is feeling happy." Putting words to feelings will help your child express how they feel. This is a lifelong skill that will benefit your child's self-esteem and thoughts of himself. With the ability to use words, phrases and sentences, your child gains mastery of his environment by expressing his needs and understanding the needs of others.

Your child is a natural born explorer. There are many ways to help your child develop a sense of touch and stimulation, which helps in his overall development. Every child likes to touch, taste, grab, twist, bite, and pull on anything within their reach. Giving your child safe things to play with and touch helps their eye-hand coordination and sense of exploration. Here are some ways to help stimulate your child's development:

· Give your child things of different colors and sizes.
· Dance and sing with your child in your arms.
· Stimulate your child's body by a daily full body massage.
· Children love when you play with their hands and feet and tickle them gently.
· Stimulate your child with gentle rocking and singing songs.
· Give your child safe things to touch: objects that are soft, fuzzy, sticky, hard, squishy, etc.
· Show your child his and your face in a large mirror.

Stimulating, nurturing and communicating with your child from the day of his birth creates a conscious effort on your part to encourage your child to find life exciting and wonderful. Your child's physical, intellectual, language and social and emotional development depends upon your interactions with your child. You are the person your child most imitates throughout his lifetime. So give your child the best start in life by providing a loving, stimulating and caring environment that sends the message, "I love you and want the best for you."

Linda Milo, The Parent-Child Connection Coach, specializes in helping mothers and fathers turn their parenting challenges into a more livable, more workable, and more enjoyable family life. Her FREE better parenting newsletter covers specific, proven, and immediately usable methods for overcoming the most common parenting challenges. Visit http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com to subscribe to her FREE newsletter, and you'll also receive her FREE Special Report.

Parenting Your Teenger You Know You Are Growing Up When

2009-02-28T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Jeff Herring

It happened today in my office. I kid that had been going at it with her mom over every single issue said the magic words:

"It's been a pretty good week, I got some things done even though my mom was bugging me to do it."

One of the clearest signs of a maturing teenager is when they can do somthing even though their parents want them to or even suggested it.

Rebellion gets old

Of course the rebellious stage gets old for parents. But did you know it gets old for the teenager too?

When every issue becomes a battle for independence, even the strongest of heart can wear out after a long period of time.

Not only does making every issue a battle for independence wears you out, it lowers any negotiating power you have. If you fight everything, what's the point? Gold would not be worth much if we had an abundance of it to go around.

Learning to pick her battles

One the the most important thing this kid is learning is how to pick her battles. She has learned to save the drama for issues that are worth having drama about, and not fight over every little thing.

One more step along the road to maturity, and hopefully a more quiet house and happier family.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Kids Online Are Your Kids Behaving

2009-02-27T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Richard French

Today most teens use the Internet and most use it the way it should be used. Things like chatting with friends, finding information for homework, playing games etc. However, as we all know many teens, and adults, explore a little deeper into the Internets dark side. Teens that are doing this will exhibit fairly common behaviors while viewing inappropriate material online. Some signs to watch for are;

1.) They seem to panic when you approach them while their online?

2.) When you see the computer screen, while they are online, the internet is closed, even though you heard typing minutes before.

3.) They startle very easy while online.

4.) They have something between them and you, i.e. a chair to slow down an inquisitive parent or sibling. This buys them time to close any windows they don't want you to see.

5.) The Internet history is always clean, i.e. they delete it.

Now, what can you do to verify if something is wrong or not?

While they are online at a time when you suspect something is wrong you need to walk up on them and have them stop what they are doing. Depending on how you want to handle this you can say you need the computer now or tell them what you are doing. Whichever you choose to do you need immediate access to the computer, do not allow them to close windows. Once your on the computer open any windows that have been minimized. Then review the history logs. See TheParentsEdge Monitoring 101 for a step by step guide on how to review your history logs.

This isn't foolproof but should work fairly well. The only fool proof way to know what's going on with your computer is to monitor it with software. All parents should have monitoring software installed on their computer. We simply cannot let our kids go online without some restrictions and some form of control. Ther are just to many bad people out their looking to take advantage of our kids.

Richard French is a father of 5 and his site TheParentsEdge is dedicated to help parents keeps their kids safe while online. With how to's, step by step guides,news,safe surfing rules and more TheParentsEdge is designed to give parents the "edge" in todays tech savvy teen world. Free step by step guide How to block websites with IE

The Better Behavior Wheel A New Kind Of Calm In The Family

2009-02-26T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Gina Ritter

There's a new kind of fun and calm out there in the name of the Better Behavior Wheel, invented by Julie Butler and her family in central British Columbia. In an interesting twist on charts and discipline, this versatile wheel can be hung on a wall or toted with you in the car and on vacations.

It's a way to get whole family involvement, and a little bit of humor to get us over the discipline bumps. Kayla Fay, publisher of Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet? says, "This is the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down! Only a loving parent could come up with such an effective way to discipline children."

As the Wheel Turns

Originally, the wheel sprang from constant battles between Julie's 9- and 12-year-old children, David and Laura. With battles raging in their home, Julie and her husband decided they must find some way to keep the peace. Julie says, "We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet. One night, in desperation, we called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family."

The kids were sent to their room to come up with at least six appropriate consequences for their next fight. David and Laura presented the family with consequences like:

Clean the other person's room Do dishes for the other person Make the other person's bed for a week Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week Make a list of ten good things about the other person Hug and make up.

These suggestions were arranged around the perimeter of a board, and a spinner attached to the middle. The premise was that the spinner would choose the consequence for them, and they would hang the board in plain view in the kitchen. Julie remembers, "We crossed our fingers, and waited. And waited. It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we'd see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped."

Of course, the battle was won, but not the war. Ten days later, the fighting began again, but this time they were prepared. Says Julie, "We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!"

Once the fighting subsided, Julie realized there were other behaviors she also wished to curb. "It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they'd leave the TV on when they went to bed. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?"

Eventually, eight themes were added: Excessive Arguing Leaving the Lights On Not Putting Things Away A Job Poorly Done Stretching the Truth Taking Without Asking Talking Back Wheel of Just Desserts (rewards)

Forty-eight consequences and 16 rewards are printed on peel-and-stick paper with colorful eye-catching graphics, enabling parents to customize the wheel to meet their family's needs. Just cut them out and stick them on. It's very easy to make up your own consequences and themes.

Interestingly, Julie says the wheel lowers her stress, keeps the consequences appropriate, and removes parents from the "Bad Guy" label. In the past, she and her husband would have to repeatedly ask David to do something, only to hear him say, "I know." This would come to a boil, and in anger they would yell and exact a punishment too harsh for the infraction.

Now, the wheel does all the work.

"David, it's 8:15; you haven't started the dishes yet. I'm afraid we'll have to spin the wheel."

"But, Mom!"

"I'm sorry, Dear. It's really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don't land on a really bad consequence."

Julie says, "The amazing thing is, we're no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It's no longer 'us against them'. It's the wheel that they have to answer to. But the greatest thing of all is that we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder."

What Else?

The Butlers' website, www.better-behavior.com , shows some parents of ADHD children have found the wheel to be a wonderful program. That is great news for many! Every parent should work with their child's personality and decide if the wheel is right for them, keeping in mind that every program doesn't work with every child.

There are a couple of letters on Julie's site from parents asking for help with children who are completely out of control. One mother says her five-year-old "beats (his big sister), kills animals, curses, and destroys everything in his path." Another mother said her six-year-old adopted daughter has angry outbursts and goes in cycles. She wondered what to do when her child refuses the consequences and it starts another battle.

These are warning signs of something more serious than just a discipline problem. Often, young children and teenagers exhibiting these symptoms have a physical problem that can cause behavioral changes, such as infections, Lyme Disease and thyroid problems. Mental disorders such as early-onset bipolar disorder can also cause very similar symptoms and must be diagnosed and treated immediately.

In these cases, the Wheel would not be appropriate and medical intervention is needed immediately. For help, contact your pediatrician and look for information on these diseases and disorders on the Internet.

However, there is still a possibility that the wheel will be valuable with a child who is stabilized. Again, parents will have to make the decision to try the wheel according to each child.

The Last Word

Parents of children with normal behavior and discipline problems are encouraged to try this wheel and have a little fun with discipline! Bringing the whole family into the discipline decision-making is an excellent way to work as a team and come to a peaceful solution. The wheel isn't meant to exact negative punishment on a child, but rather remind them to pick their battles and mind their parents.

Teachers and parents alike will find the wheel very useful in classrooms and homes everywhere with children ages four and up!

Gina Ritter is a personal life coach for parents and publisher of www.naturalfamilyonline.com. She lives in New York with her husband and three boys (who also spin in the kitchen).

Helping Your Child To Make Friends

2009-02-26T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Jane Orville

No matter how you decide to educate your child with Down syndrome, there will still be the issue of socialization making friends. One of the biggest worries of parents with a Down syndrome child is:

Will my child be teased? How will I help my child with this and any hurt feelings?

Believe it or not, it is not typically the children you have to worry about it is their parents. Most children will be accepting of your child. Parents, however, have often been taught that Down syndrome children need to be isolated and can't do much. They may think that your child should not be included in activities with their child.

The best thing you can do is to invite other children over to play. Make friends with the other child and their parents. Let them know about Down syndrome. Help them to understand that your child is more like their child than different. It is amazing what happens as people begin to understand. Understanding leads to acceptance.

This does not mean that your child will never be teased or never be hurt. The fact is that most children, with or without Down syndrome experience some teasing and hurtful comments. This does not make it right, but it is a sad fact of life.

One of the best defenses is to let your child know from the very beginning that she is different, but that differences are OK. Let her know that we all are different! This way, if your child encounters teasing, she will be able to say, "Yes I am different. All people are different, and so am I."

By Jane Orville

Jane Orville is the mother of a 17 year old Daughter with Down Syndrome and has spent years researching and compiling all the wisdom she has gained into a simple guide to assist parents deal with the concerns of raising a child with Down Syndrome. For more information see

http://www.down-syndrome-help.com

Say No To Mealtime Mayhem Eating Out With Your Baby Or Toddler

2009-02-25T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Sharon Hurley Hall

Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children. Their short attention span and need to be involved in everything will mean a nightmare for you, they say. They're wrong. We eat out regularly with our two year old and have a wonderful time. Here are a few tips to make sure that you can do it too.

First of all, make sure you choose a family-friendly restaurant. Look out for easily accessible (and clean) high chairs, a willingness to warm milk, free bibs and baby food (available at some rest stops and motorway service stations) and entertainment for your child in the form of crayons and paper or a soft play area.

In case none of this is available, you need to take your entertainment with you. Crayons and paper, an etch-a-sketch or other drawing board toy and a couple of books are often enough to distract your child from any thoughts of mayhem.

Choose your time carefully. Ideally, you should arrive half an hour or so before your child's regular mealtime, so that their food arrives on time. And don't even think about going out when your child is already tired - you'll be setting yourself up for the evening from hell.

Children are bad at waiting, so you'll need a food backup in case your order is late. Pack a box of raisins or snack bar. Although you're not supposed to take food from outside into eating establishments, if you politely explain that the alternative is a screaming child, they'll definitely turn a blind eye.

When placing your order, ask for your child's meal to be delivered first. That way, you can do any cutting up that's required and start the feeding process early and you'll be free to focus on your own meal when it arrives.

Make dining out interesting for your child. Talk about what you're going to order; point out what waiters and waitresses are doing; take a tour of the salad bar; discuss whatever's on the walls. Your child will be pleased to be included and won't even think about having a meltdown.

Once you've finished your main meal, ask for your bill at the same time as dessert. You'll want to make a quick getaway once you've demolished a sweet treat, because by then your little darling will be running out of patience.

We've been taking our daughter into restaurants before she could sit up. At first she was in a car seat, then a high chair, and now she can sit on a big chair (she's very proud of that!) She can order her own food (with please and thank you) and talk about what's happening. Don't think she's a paragon of virtue, because she's not - she's a very spirited two year old. But she enjoys eating out and generally behaves well enough for us to stay in the restaurant for an hour and a half or more. Since the parenting books claim that half an hour is pushing it, we don't think that's half bad. Why don't you try it, too?

Sharon Hurley Hall is a freelance writer, ghostwriter and editor. Sharon worked in publishing for 18 years, writing articles and editing and designing books and magazines. She has also lectured on journalism. For more information or to contact Sharon, visit doublehdesign.com Read more of Sharon's writing at her blog

Parenting Your Teenager The 4 Ds Of Time With Family

2009-02-24T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Jeff Herring

How would you like to have more time? Of course we all want more time. There are just two problems: 1. We can't add more hours to the day; 2. Even if we could add more hours, we would just fill them up with the same stress we have now.

What we can do is use our time differently. And I don't mean buy a new schedule planner. Adapted from the work of Stephen Covey and Anthony Robbins, here are some skills for creating more time in your life and some suggestions for what to do with the time.

Distraction. Distractors are ways we use our time that are not urgent and not important. Some might call it recreation. Exercising, playing a sport, taking a walk, reading a book, watching TV or playing solitaire on your computer are all ways of distracting ourselves from the stress in our lives.

And we all need some distraction in our lives. The problem is that many of us spend far too much time in distraction that could be spent on more life-giving activities.

Delusion. No, I'm not talking about seeing little aliens or believing you are Napoleon. Delusions are the activities in our lives that we make urgent, but really aren't important. Many people get hooked on the thrill of urgency and then run around doing lots of unimportant things.

Demands. Now we are looking at the things that are both urgent and important. An important deadline, the car breaking down, a child sick at school - all are urgent and important.

The time-draining kind of demands that nag at most of us are usually brought on by that old time enemy called procrastination. The next time you find yourself tempted to procrastinate, here's what you do: just put it off. That's right, just say to yourself, I'll procrastinate later, right now I'll get it done.

Destiny. These are the things that may not be urgent but are tremendously important: spending time with family and friends, taking time to relax, building and growing important relationships, planning for the future. These are the things that shape our destiny.

Consider how much time you spend on distractions, delusions and demands. How might your life be different if you spent that time on things that shape your destiny?

Here's one simple yet powerful suggestion I recently heard. Think of it this way: In a child's mind, what is the most important thing they do in a day? Play. In a child's mind, who are the most important people in life? Mom and Dad.

So when we as parents (the most important people in their lives) play with them (the most important activity in their lives), children know that they are important and loved. Not a bad way to spend your time.

For more tips and tools for thriving during the teenage years, visit parenting coach Jeff Herring's ParentingYourTeenager.com

Nanny Techniques For Super Families

2009-02-24T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Sue Holsinger

If you haven't seen the British inspired 'Supernanny' on ABC then you are missing out on one of the nation's new favorites in home improvement shows.

This show won't tell you how to create a floral centerpiece or decorate with zebra stripes, but it IS teaching families to bring order to chaotic homes by setting the stage for new parenting techniques.

Actually, British Nanny, Jo Frost, who is the star of the show is doing anything BUT new parenting. She actually encourages parents to stick to the old time rules of discipline, consistency and creating boundaries. Although there is a noticeable absence of any physical punishment, the firm rules that are put in place work apparent miracles on unruly children while helping parents develop confidence in their parenting skills.

If you haven't been among the millions of viewers now hooked on watching the Supernanny bring sanity to American homes, then here's a review of some of her systems:

DISCIPLINE:

It is setting clear boundaries which helps parents and children deal with problem issues - whether it's eating at the table, back-talking or fighting with siblings.

One of Frost's main techniques is to create a time-out area - either a rug, bean bag chair or a room with no toys or TV for distraction. To implement the system parents are coached to warn their defiant offspring of the punishment beforehand. If a warning doesn't work then the child is placed in the time-out area.

Although the time-out has a reasonable time frame depending on the age of the child, some parents will have to place a child who flees the time-out area back into time-out dozens of times for upwards of an hour during the breaking in phase. Once the routine is established the parents, on review, praise the success of the technique and find that often a warning is all that is needed.

BEDTIME:

Bedtime trouble is a serious problem with many families. Frost starts with parents returning the escapee repeatedly until the youngster remains in bed. For tougher cases she has the mother or father sit on the floor next to the child's bed with their head down. This provides the child with security but removes eye contact or verbal attention. If the child climbs out of bed they are not comforted but are put right back.

ATTENTION:

The 'Supernanny' creates a family schedule that includes special time for playing and interacting with the children, as well as allowing parents to spend time together. Frost may be making the most difference by helping parents view themselves as a parenting team, as well as pointing out that having children should be enjoyable.

If you are curious about more of her techniques or just want to watch families (worse than your own) clean up house - check her out on ABC, Mondays.

The author's website, http://www.mynanny.org, provides and online resource for nannies and nanny information. This article may be used if the resource box and link is left intact.

Proactive Parenting How To Set Goals For Your Family And Children

2009-02-23T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Shelly Walker

So often, we parents get caught in a cycle of reactive parenting. A situation comes up and we react, and that seems to be the only way we parent. We go along, moment to moment and day to day and simply react to the circumstances around us. Taking a moment to step out of this cycle to look at the long-term big picture is a great way to get some perspective and begin to head your family in the right direction.

We're so busy. Frantic. Hectic. We wait for the weekends (or the vacation) to have fun with our families. We're on the go, from morning 'til night and by the time evening does come we're often so exhausted that we only have enough energy to sit in front of the TV and zone out.

No wonder we are being reactive parents, flying by the seat of our pants! We're all doing the best we can every day for our families. But there's another way to parent our children: a positive, loving, long-term view of them and their lives that lends itself to possibility and joy.

By taking just a few minutes today to realign yourself with your goals for your family, you can make a positive change that will rapidly diffuse to every person in your household. If you are married, do this exercise with your spouse. Get on the same page and begin today to work for the same goals. If you are co-parenting with a non-resident parent, get together and spend just a small amount of time that will make a huge difference in the lives of your children. If you are a single parent it is even more important that you take the time to be proactive now, so you're not chasing your tail later!

Being a proactive parent means that you think about what you want for your children in the long run and take every parenting moment that comes to help them towards that goal. I'll show you what I mean.

One of the things that I want for my children is for them to be financially independent. I want them to know how to use their money to create passive income. I want them to know that they can live their passions in life and make money, too. I want them to know how to save, invest, tithe and spend their money wisely. So, keeping that goal in mind, how can I parent them in a way that will work towards this goal? Here's what I do:

At the age of five, my children begin getting an allowance. They put 10% away for saving, 10% away for investing later on, 10% is given away to charity and they have the other 70% to spend on anything they want. (My husband and I got this idea from Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Kid, Smart Kid website and his Rich Dad, Poor Dad books. These are great resources for learning how to handle your money.)

I give my children complete freedom over their spending money. That way they naturally learn how to save for the things they want. They gain the natural consequences of having and spending money. If they blow all of their money on candy today, they won't have enough to buy the toy they've been wanting tomorrow.

My children know that if they want to earn extra money, they can do extra chores around the house. This empowers them and gives them the freedom to choose their income level.

At the age of eight, we begin to work on investing. We find something that they're passionate about (for John, its baseball cards) and we begin to learn about investing in things that will appreciate (assets) and bring in more money. Since he's been putting aside 10% of his income for the last three years, he has a good chunk of money start investing with. And, since he has his savings he doesn't need to worry if all of his investments don't turn out to be winners.

One of the most important things we do to help our children be financially secure is to talk about money matters with them. We are very careful about the vocabulary we use: always using empowering "choice" words, not "lack" words. If John wants something that we can't or don't choose to afford, it's always "we're choosing to use our money in a different way right now" never "that's too expensive" or "we can't afford that." We do point out the difference between products and prices, but we don't make judgment calls. These discussions happen naturally and are a constant part of our parenting. We are positive that we want our children to grow up with prosperity consciousness, not poverty consciousness. How we talk today about money is how they will think about money tomorrow.

That is one small goal that Michael and I have for our children. We keep that goal in mind every single day, in every parenting moment. Sometimes its hard work: maybe I think that the toy John wants is a total waste of money and it's its hard to resist talking him out of it. But how will he ever learn how to make smart choices if he's never allowed to choose for himself? Freedom is empowering, though it may be a little scary.

Now it's time to sit down and do the following exercise. You may be able to do it in a few minutes or you might want to think about it for a few days and then sit down with your partner and put your answers to paper. As Steven Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, begin with the end in mind! Begin today to parent with the end in mind: happy, successful children who grow into fully empowered adults.

Step 1: Sit down, relax, get a cup of tea or a glass of water, and just be for a few minutes. If you pray, ask for guidance and a Knowing of the best goals for your family. If you like, you can simply close your eyes for a few minutes and get centered and still. The best parenting comes from that place of Stillness and Knowing that is deep within.

Step 2: Write down these six phrases, leaving room between them to write:

Step 3: Begin to brainstorm and write down any goal or desires for your children that come to mind. Most goals will fit into one of the first five categories. Imagine your children as adults. What skills do you want them to have? Are they happy, successful, empowered individuals? What do their relationships look like? Just keep writing and imagining until you have filled one sheet of paper.

Step 4: On another sheet of paper, re-write your 6 topics and put down your most important five goals for each area of development. It's okay if you and your spouse have different priorities. Pick one that is very important to you both and each pick two more to add to the list.

Step 5: Choose one area of development to begin working on right away and add the others in as you can. Keep your goals in mind as you parent you children and remember that modeling the behaviors that you wish to see is the most effective way to teach your children. Emerson said, "Your actions speak so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying."

Keep your goals handy and update them as necessary. Remember to celebrate your children's successes with them and let them celebrate yours.

Straight talk from the mom who's been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. For more information, go to http://www.parentingkeys.com

Are We Breeding Bad Credit Teenagers

2009-02-22T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Toni Phelps

It wasn't until about the fourth time that I gave my teenager an allowance advance that I realized I was nurturing her to become a bad credit consumer. Living free at home with no bills to pay, how would she balance a budget when she moved out on her own? Would she continue to borrow money in advance because she spent it all between paydays? Worst, would she constantly borrow money from me when I retire and live on a fixed income?

Over the years I had lectured her on the value of money, but I never explained to her the impact spending freely can have on her future needs--- getting credit for a home or auto loan, a low interest credit card, and even for securing a good paying job.

So when she asked for the latest allowance advance, you can imagine the shock on her face when I said it would cost her 20%, or she would have to wait until her next allowance. Naturally she asked why, and how I proceeded to educate her may be helpful to other parents.

First, I asked her to describe the home she would live in, the car she would drive, and how she would spend vacations when she was grown-up and on her own. After hearing her detail the enormous home, fancy sport cars and tropical vacations, I knew I had a task ahead of me. I needed to educate her without extinguishing her aspirations.

I asked her if any of her fellow teenagers constantly borrowed money from other teenagers. She said yes, and I asked her if she ever loaned money to any of her friends. She stated no, because it was hard to get the money back. I then asked her if she were a bank president and one of her money-borrowing friends came to her for a home loan, would she approve it? No way, was her reply, and it was clear that she grasped my point.

I then asked if she was a company president, would she hire a person who squandered paydays to manage her company's funds? No way, she responded again.

We then used a budget calculator to estimate how much money she would need to earn per month to buy the big home, sports car, and to take Hawaiian vacations every year. We also added other monthly expenses (groceries, clothing, insurance, utilities, etc), and totaled these figures. An easy way to do this is to use the free budget calculator at:
http://www.creditfederal.com/household-personal-budget.html

After seeing how much money she would need to earn, I asked her how would she achieve it, with her current bad credit history of borrowing money in advance? Who would give her a good paying job, and who would loan her money? Naturally she thought life was unfair and that it shouldn't cost so much to live and to buy things. I assured her she could achieve all that she desired, but not to rush. She had to live within her budget, save money instead of squandering every payday, get a good education and prove to employers and creditors that she responsibly handled money.

She now uses the budget calculator to estimate her future financial and lifestyle abilities when she works her way through college, and when she gets her first career job. She knows that initially she won't be taking as many vacations as she'd hoped and the sports car may have to wait, but she's still motivated to achieve those luxuries. And, just like a grown-up consumer rebuilding bad credit into good, she asked if I would pay HER interest whenever I was late paying her allowance.

Article by Toni Phelps of Credit Federal. Get more information about bad credit.

Expanding Your Childs Vocabulary Promotes Skilled Reading

2009-02-22T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Deanna Mascle

Learning to read is not like climbing a mountain. You do not simply lead your child over a peak and they then become a skilled reader.

Instead there are a series of skills and building blocks that children gradually acquire and then continue to build on for years before they become truly proficient readers.

One of those essential skills is vocabulary. Vocabulary refers to the words we must know to communicate effectively by listening, speaking, reading, and writing. Vocabulary plays an important part in learning to read. Children use words in their oral vocabulary to make sense of the words they see in print. Vocabulary is also important in reading comprehension. Readers cannot understand what they are reading unless they know what most of the words mean.

While vocabulary is essential to reading children begin building their vocabulary long before they begin learning to read and continue building their vocabulary long after they have mastered the basics of reading. In fact, for most people, vocabulary building continues as a lifelong endeavor.

Children can be taught vocabulary both indirectly and directly. Children learn the meanings of most words indirectly, through everyday experiences with oral and written language. We teach children the meaning of words as we talk to them and explain the world around them. We expand vocabulary through reading to our children and eventually our children will add to their vocabulary by reading extensively on their own.

Children learn vocabulary directly when they are explicitly taught both individual words and word-learning strategies.

It is useful to teach children specific words before reading because it helps both vocabulary learning and reading comprehension. Repeatedly exposing children to vocabulary words in a variety of contexts brings greater depth to their understanding of the word as well as recognition. It is also important that children learn how to use dictionaries and other reference aids to learn word meanings and to deepen knowledge of word meanings.

Children who are learning to expand their reading vocabulary also must learn how to use information about word parts (such as affixes, base words, word roots) to figure out the meanings of words in text through structural analysis or how to use context clues to determine word meanings.

If you want to expand your child's vocabulary there are two additional strategies you can employ. First, don't talk down to them. Use the same vocabulary you would use with an adult. They will learn some words from simple contextual clues you provide but they will also ask what a word means offering you the chance to add that word to their vocabulary. The second strategy is to expand your own vocabulary. Making learning new words (and adding them to conversation) a game or fun activity for the whole family.

The more books and conversation are a part of your child's life then the more their vocabulary will continue to grow.

Deanna Mascle is the publisher of Preschoolers Learn More. Visit for more tips and resources to Teach Your Preschooler.

Vegetarian Kids Need Summer Child Care Too

2009-02-21T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Mariah Boone

Until last summer, my vegetarianism has never really made me feel marginalized, even though we live in a community without vegetarian restaurants, and I do not know any other vegetarian families in town. I admit that I have even found stories about how persecuted other vegetarian parents felt to be a little maudlin at times. Sure, my relatives have handed sausage to my toddler (she fed it to the dog), teachers have tried to get her to make lunchmeat snowflakes, and I've faced pressures of various kinds. But I have never seen this as a big problem. I have always felt pretty free to live our lives by our values and have not worried too much about the way that other people eat or wish that we ate. Last summer, however, I encountered some real barriers, and I am feeling a lot more sympathetic to the concerns that I have heard fellow vegetarian parents express over the years.

My daughter has always been in child-care due to my need to earn our living, but combining vegetarianism and child-care had never been difficult for me until my child reached elementary school age. Was I ever surprised at what I discovered! What I have found is that almost all of the summer child-care providers for school-aged kids in our community use the USDA Food Program, a federal program that reimburses child-care providers for the cost of the meals that they provide to the children. I knew this; many other child-care settings use the program, too, and I am a social worker and consider myself fairly knowledgeable about these things. I did not, however, know it would cause my family problems.

Upon approaching potential child-care providers and mentioning that my daughter was vegetarian and would need a vegetarian lunch or for me to pack her lunch from home, I was told that I would need a note from a doctor for her to be allowed a "special diet." I explained that being a vegetarian was not a medical condition so I would not be able to produce a note saying that it was. They said that only medical and religious exemptions were allowed. Could I get a note from my church? Well, my belief in vegetarianism certainly coincides with the simplicity testimony of the Religious Society of Friends but not all Quakers, by any means, express the simplicity testimony by becoming vegetarians as I have done. My clerk might have written me a note discussing that connection, but it seemed a shaky sort of religious ground to me. What we really needed was a philosophical exemption, and these are not allowed according to the federal regulations that govern the program.

Under the USDA Food Program, child-care providers can serve a vegetarian diet to all of their children; they just can't serve a meat-diet to some and a different diet to others without a medical or religious exemption, because it is considered discrimination. I spoke to a state level administrator in the program and she confirmed that this is true. It was clear from our conversation that she was aware of the problem I would face and unhappy about it. She talked about the program being behind the times and the need for change. I felt sure that the child-care providers and I could come up with something workable, but this official knew better. She had obviously seen this unfold before.

I certainly did not feel that they were obligated to fix something different for my daughter, and I have always been willing to fix her food myself, but most of the summer programs were not open to the idea of my packing my own child's lunch. They would not be reimbursed from the food program for my child if she did not eat their lunch, and it would interfere with their reports and their finances to a small extent. Most programs count on the meal reimbursements to help pay for their programs and figure the meal reimbursement into the equation. Just taking the meat out of their lunch and letting me provide them with a substitute for that part was also frowned upon. They worried that such shenanigans would get them in trouble. Also, it would mean more work for them. That sounds awful, but it must be understood that most child-care providers are underpaid for the cost of the service they provide, understaffed due to these funding issues and very heavily regulated. While I badly needed them to try to be more flexible, I also could understand their point of view, given the regulations of the Food Program.

This left me with a very big problem, indeed. We needed summer child-care and my daughter needed a healthy, vegetarian lunch every day, but I found the regulations made that nearly impossible. Thankfully, I eventually did find a program that was not hung up on their reimbursement numbers and was willing to let my daughter bring a lunch from home to circumvent the lack of a philosophical exemption from the menuonly one, though. This adventure has made me aware of the need for a little social action on this issue. We were very lucky to find a program that could afford to be flexible and not everyone in our situation will be so fortunate.

Most summer child-care programs for school-aged children are dependent on the reimbursements they receive and cannot afford to go without very many of them. The high expense of providing child-care is why programs like the USDA Food Program exist in the first place. Not being reimbursed for one child might not be a heavy burden to them, but they do have to think about the big picture. If lots of children started requesting "special diets" for which they would not receive reimbursement, the child-care providers might be in real financial trouble. Child-care providers receiving government subsidies also face real concerns about perceived discrimination issues what constitutes a good reason to allow a child to eat a non-reimbursable lunch and what doesn't? They are between a rock and a hard place, too, just as my family is, unless the USDA changes its reimbursement rules.

There is a need for the USDA Food Program to institute a philosophical exemption for menu changes in child-care settings so that vegetarian schoolchildren do not end up being excluded from summer child-care placements due to this snarl of regulations and reimbursement needs. A child should not have to violate her principles or go hungry because she needs child-care, but, unfortunately, that is how the system is currently arranged under the USDA Food Program. I believe that we can fix this. Please write to your Congressional Representative and Senator and encourage them to legislate that the program include a philosophical exemption in childcare settings so that vegetarian meals can be provided to vegetarian children. Such a change would allow child-care providers to be reimbursed for providing those meals without fear of repercussions. This is not, of course, the sort of issue that many members of Congress are going to embrace as a cause, but they should be willing to make a regulatory change that increases the convenience with which their own constituents interact with the Food Program if their own constituents ask them to do so. Please ask them. Vegetarian families like mine, who need summer child-care, will thank you.

Mariah Boone is a mother, writer, social worker, Texas historian and the publisher of Lone Star Ma: The Magazine of Progressive Texas Parenting and Children's Issues.

Inspire The Imagination Of Your Children

2009-02-20T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Gregg Hall

Everyone knows that having everything in the world does not lead to happiness. There is something more than material things that is needed to make people happy. It's imagination. Imagination can turn even the most mundane things into something to be celebrated, and is something that every parent should try and instill in their child at an early age. There are many ways to do this, but one of the most important and easiest is to draw out your child's creativity by asking them to fashion roles for themselves. How do you do that? Well, you could always suggest that they do what kids love to do anyway, such as play dress up!

Dressing up offers even more benefits than you might think. It promotes the activity of the brain, in requiring your children to think about who they want to be, what that person or thing wears, and how they can make a costume that is something like it. But it also requires a large amount of physical creativity as well. If, for instance, your child wants to be Shaq, he or she will not be sitting on the couch. They will be bounding around the house or yard, exercising healthily in mind and spirit.

Playing dress up also encourages empathy. By taking on the roles of other people and things, your child will have to think like those other people and things. This encourages them to think as if they were not the center of the universe, and promotes an ability that will greatly serve them later in life, the ability to see the world through other people's eyes. What's more, it will allow children to function a bit better than they might otherwise. By playing a teacher, your child might more properly understand what is required of them in a classroom, or how to better relate to adults.

The way that a child plays out roles during dress up can be invaluable for parents. A parent who pays keen attention to the way his or her child is acting out their dress up character can learn a great deal about how their child understands the world. If, for instance, to use the teacher example above, a child always enacts a teacher who is cruel and unfeeling, it might be the case that the child's teachers are not all too kind to the child, and perhaps a parent's intervention is necessary.

Dressing up also provides the necessity of innovation. Since children can become quickly tired of things that become too routine, it will be required of them to invent more and further ways of dress up. This will increase their creative ability and make them more innovative thinkers.

Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Beach, Florida. Find more about this as well as a kid's music CD at http://www.personalizedcds4kids.com.

Four Simple Tips To Help You Stop Policing Your Child And Start Parenting

2009-02-19T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Dr. Charles Sophy

In today's political climate, it's easy to fall into the pattern of over-protecting our children. Day in and day out, we are bombarded with stories of terrorism and senseless violence in the media. It's natural to want to cling to our children and not let them out of our sights, policing their every action.

But there is a difference between policing your children and parenting.

Parents often find themselves in a situation where, out of love and a deep concern for the child's safety, they are controlling the child's every move. So how does one get from the point of controlling their child's every action to feeling secure that the child is responsible enough and sensible enough to choose safe activities and sensible friends.

We all want what is best for our children and the act of policing is born of that feeling. But sometimes, what's best for our child is to loosen the apron strings and allow the child to experience life and the empowering feeling of holding our trust.

When we police our children, we react to the situation as we have experienced it. When we ask our sullen teenager about school or a new friend and receive no response, our initial reaction may be that the child is hiding something because that was our reason decades ago when asked the same question. Recollections of our own experiences are not the same as judging the reality of the current situation and can often lead to conflicts with our children.

You are your child's FIRST teacher. As your child grows and experiences life, it is important to navigate them through their experiences, always keeping in mind the foundation that is being laid for a healthy adult life.

Meet Christopher:

Christopher is 13 years old and loves to play hockey, snowboard and snowmobile or he would if he were ever permitted the chance.

Christopher's father was 13 when he crashed his uncle's dirt bike, breaking a collarbone and shattering his ankle. Christopher's mother has never participated in group sports or outdoor activities and doesn't see the benefit of her child doing so. As a teenager, she played baseball for half a season until a stray pitch broke her nose. Both have determined that Christopher is too irresponsible to drive a motorized vehicle and too reckless to play hockey or snowboard.

Christopher's Aunt and Uncle are natural athletes and avid outdoor enthusiasts. On a recent family gathering at the cottage, Aunt and Uncle cleared an ice rink for all the kids and started a rousing game of hockey. Rules where established no checking, keep your stick low, keep an eye on the little ones and let them slap the puck every once in a while and all the kids were soon laughing and playing safely under the watchful eye of Aunt and Uncle.

Christopher was anxious to join but mom feared that he would get injured and was told he could not participate. "I don't want you getting a puck in the face" and "You'll run over your little cousin and hurt him because you don't pay attention" were her replies to each request. Christopher shouted "It's not fair, I never get to do anything fun!" and stormed off to sit by the rink and watch the game. Mom finally conceded when Dad laced up his skates and promised to shadow Christopher on the ice.

The game proceeded without incident until lunch time. After lunch, the kids asked to ride the snowmobile. Aunt and Uncle suited up all the children in their safety gear and chauffeured each of them around the bay. The older children were given the opportunity to drive the snowmobile provided that they kept the speed at less than 25 MPH and as long as an adult rode with them on the same snowmobile or right beside them on another snowmobile.

Again Christopher asked to participate. And again he was told he would get injured and was too irresponsible to be trusted. Christopher had never ridden a snowmobile and had vowed to ride with his Aunt as a passenger knowing he would never be granted parental permission to drive the snowmobile. But both his parents held firm to their decision to not let him participate.

Christopher was angry! "It's not fair," he shouted, "all my cousins get to ride! I never get to do anything fun. Why can't you just let me live a little? I've never been on a snowmobile. It's not fair that you think I'm not responsible enough to ride. I ride with dad on his motorcycle all the time. Auntie's going to be right there. It's not fair. I haven't done anything to deserve this!" Clearly frustrated, he shuts himself in one of the bedrooms and does not emerge until dinner when he was coaxed out of his room by his Aunt.

It is clear that Christopher needs to be trusted and his parents need to stop projecting their previous experiences upon him. Christopher should be allowed the opportunity to experiment safely and learn his own boundaries and limits. Here are four simple tips you can use to help stop policing your child and allow them to enjoy some of the experiences that will shape their adult lives and provide lasting memories of a happy childhood:

1. Model Your behavior from infancy will set the stage. Your child will learn safety and responsibility through your actions.

2. Trust Be clear within yourself and allow your child the space to play and be exposed to limited risk. Do not project your experiences onto your child. Allow them to fill their own life plate.

3. Communicate Tell your children about your childhood experiences. If there are stories about injuries, be open and honest about the situation and show the child what contributed to the incident.

4. Follow Through Trust your child to play safely. Remind your child of the limits. When someone breaks the rules, there should be reasonable and logical consequences that are agreed upon ahead of time.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.

Teaching Children The Importance Of A Quotthank Youquot Note

2009-02-19T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Richard Arnold

Childhood is the perfect time to express the importance of verbally saying Thank You and beginning to write notes. If they begin as children the act of writing notes feels natural to both boys and girls and becomes second nature in adulthood. Teaching children at a young age about the importance of writing thank you notes is more than just good manners. It's also a way to help them learn about generosity and appreciating the kindness of others. Of course, in this age of electronic communications and just about every kid having access to a computer, they may think the best way to send a "thank you" note is to send one via an email. While this is better than no "thank you" note at all, it is best to teach them how to write a note that is delivered by the postal service.

As we all know, children learn by watching. If the parent is good about sending greeting cards and thank you notes, it is much easier to teach the children. Let them join you as you write your cards and notes. Explain to the them why you are doing this activity. Then, when it is their turn to send a note, set aside some quiet time to work with them and show them you are there to guide them as they put their thoughts to paper. Make it a habit to schedule time after every occasion where they receive gifts to sit down and write their thank you notes. You'll be creating a habit in your child that will last a lifetime and pay many, many benefits back to them later in life - both personally and professionally.

Richard Arnold is the owner of Key Concept Services, Inc., a marketing and business communications firm. For over 15 years, KCS has been helping small and medium sized businesses get their "key" message out - externally to clients and internally to employees. The "key" to business success is good communication. When you communicate properly, you connect. When you connect, you communicate. Richard is also a big believer in the Law of Attraction and has a Blog on this subject at http://sendoutcards.wordpress.com. Contact Richard via email at keycon@mindspring.com.

Boys Dont Read Its True

2009-02-18T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by David Skuy

I grew up reading sports stories and playing hockey. So what better subject matter for my first foray into the children's lit genre? "Good luck selling it," a publisher told me when I showed him the manuscript. "Boys don't read."

Boys don't read? That was the first I'd heard of it, and I have a five-year old son. I began to research the subject - and sure enough, I found out he was absolutely right. Once boys hit eight or nine years old, they stop reading.

Entire forests have been sacrificed in a bewildering array of reports on the subject. Educators tell us that boys are dropping out of arts courses as soon as they can. In testing of primary school children, girls consistently outperform boys in reading and writing tests by a wide margin. This is consistent with international results: The same finding was reached in a recent study of 36 countries. Business leaders are beginning to take notice, complaining that recent university graduates often lack basic literacy skills. Some 50 percent of all high school aged boys consider themselves non-readers!

These same studies make it clear, if it was not already, that reading is an essential life skill. In a 2004 Canadian government report, reading is described as "the search for deeper meaning" that enables children "to refine, extend, and reflect on their thinking" and will "result in high levels of learning." Boys who read often get higher grades in school, and they are less anxious about schoolwork. And perhaps most significant of all, boys who read turn into men who read.

Most literacy experts have zeroed in on one culprit: technology. There is too much television, MSN, computers, video games, the Internet, Gameboy, and ipod. These mediums are winning the battle for the hearts, eyes and ears of our boys. The solution is equally clear - boys must be presented with books that strike them as equally meaningful and interesting as those other mediums.

We understand the problem. We have identified the culprit. We have a solution. So why haven't we reversed the trend? To put it bluntly, why is reading something girls do?

Before writing my novel, I took a few trips to bookstores to check out the competition. At first, I was greatly encouraged: There was no competition. Virtually every book was for girls. The depth and range of these girl-oriented novels was impressive, and as a father of a 10-year old girl, I was pleased. The few selections geared toward boys were non-fiction sports books - either biographical accounts of athletes or a catalogue of statistics. Small wonder boys don't read - there is nothing for them to read.

A vicious cycle needs to be broken. Boys do not read, so publishers do not publish books for them, and writers write for girls. Boys continue not reading because there is nothing of interest to them, which only encourages publishers and writers to avoid that market.

I want my son to read. I want him to be like my daughter, who will ignore several calls for dinner to finish a chapter, or will secretly turn on her nightlight to finish a book. I have a small cache of classics for him. But after we get through Tom Sawyer, what will he read?

More to the point, will he read at all - or just turn on the computer?

David Skuy is the author of "Off the Crossbar," a sports novel for boys. You can visit his website at http://www.charliejoyce.com He is a popular lecturer, speaking to kids and parent groups on the importance of literacy and sports for children.

How To Listen To Your Teenager Without Appearing To Have Attention Deficit Disorder Add

2009-02-18T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by V. Michael Santoro

In one of the Family Circus cartoon strips, the little girl looks up at her father, who is reading the newspaper, and says, "Daddy, you have to listen with your eyes as well as your ears." That statement says almost all there is to say about listening. Being a good listener means focusing attention on the message and reviewing the important information.

Listening can be considered an art, as well as a skill, and like other skills, it requires that you exhibit some discipline to be effective. However, in today's world where multitasking is considered essential to surviving in the workplace, it is not uncommon to be talking on the phone while we are reading mail or sending e-mail, and simultaneously conducting hand signals with a co-worker who needs your input about something important.

However, when it comes to communicating with your teenagers, you have to separate yourself from this multitasking communications style, and learn how to focus 100 percent of your time on her when she needs to talk to you. If you do not, she will perceive this distracted behavior as a lack of interest in her.

Thus, during your conversations with your teen, you must ignore your own needs, demonstrate patience, and pay attention to her. Hearing becomes listening only when you pay attention to what is being said, and can contribute to the conversation.

So how good are your listening skills? Answer the following "yes or no" statements honestly:

1. I make assumptions about my teens feelings and thoughts
2. I bring up past issues during current disagreements
3. I interrupt my teenager's conversation
4. I respond to a complaint with a complaint
5. I respond to my teen with phrases like, "That's ridiculous."

If you answered "yes" to any of these statements, then there is some room for improvement in your listening skills.

What to do Use the following guidelines to help improve your listening skills:

1. Maintain eye contact with your teen during conversations. Good eye contact allows you to keep focused and involved in the conversation.

2. Be interested and attentive. Your teen will sense whether you are interested or not by the way you reply or not reply to her.

3. Focus on "what" your teen is saying and not "how" she is saying it. If she is upset, for example, she may be exhibiting body language that may be distracting.

4. Listen patiently and avoid getting emotionally involved in the conversation. If you do so, you will tend to hear what you want to hear, as opposed to what is really being said. Your goal is to remain objective and open-minded during your discussions.

5. Avoid cutting your teenager off while she is speaking. This will show her that you respect her right to have an opinion, as well as to freely express it.

6. Avoid distractions or trying to multitask during your conversations. This may be okay at work, however your teen may perceive that you have a terminal case of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). :)

Exercise

It may be helpful to have a practice conversation with your teenager rather than wait to try and be a better listener when she comes to you with a "real world" problem. Inform her that she is really important to you, and that you want to be a better listener. Then tell her that you need her help.

Referring to the above guidelines, have her tell you about her day while you demonstrate your listening skills. Then ask her how you did and what you could have done better. Remember not to get defensive and conclude by thanking her for her help. Doing this on a regular basis will not only improve your overall listening skills, but also will make your teenager want to talk to you.

This article is an excerpt from the book "Realizing the Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and how you can too! By V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed and Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com/.

Bridging The Gap Between Stayathome Moms And Working Moms

2009-02-17T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Amy Tiemann

The time has come to call a truce in the so-called "mommy wars."

Everywhere you look these days there are stories about hard feelings and judgments between stay-at-home moms and employed moms. Fortunately, in the real world, I perceive much less conflict than the media portrays.

I have several strategies for healing the mommy wars. First and foremost is to decide that it's time to work together. Any effort that women spend judging each other is wasted energy that could be used instead to work together for common goals.

If you think about it, there is really no "us" versus "them," only "us." Nearly eight of 10 American women return to work by the time their first child reaches five years of age. Despite the stereotypes you see in the headlines, becoming a stay-at-home mom is not a one-way trip out of the paid workforce for most women.

Perhaps more importantly, it's time we realize that even when women take very different career paths, most of us experience similar pressures. The search for quality childcare, family-friendly employment and financial security can play out in very different ways.

One mom may stay home because her employer could not accommodate her request for part-time work, while another woman goes back to work because she secured a job-share. Some women can afford to stay at home, others can't. Some women can't afford to go back to their jobs because the cost of day care is more than their take-home pay.

We need to work together to increase family-friendly career options for all women, because very few of us can truly count on being stay-at-home moms forever, and many of us would like to resume careers when our children get older.

Every woman needs a back-up plan that will enable her to go back to work when necessary. This is good planning for our families as well as ourselves. It is difficult to think about, but any of us could find ourselves in a situation that requires us to become the primary breadwinner. In my own life I have seen women close to me suffer serious financial blows when faced with one of life's unexpected curve balls of divorce, widowhood, spousal unemployment, or disability.

Keep an eye on emergency employment options, and ask yourself, "what would I do if I needed to get a job tomorrow?" Consider long-term strategies as well, asking "what is my ideal life-long career path?" Time at home with young children can provide an opportunity to plant the seeds for a future career path.

Here are five practical strategies to help you stay at the top of your game and ease your transition back into the work world after taking time off:

1. Maintain and build networks. Keep in touch with old colleagues in your professional persona, and cultivate relationships in all the groups you belong to.

2. Update marketable skills. Take classes and consider going back to school part time to get a certificate or degree that will help advance your career later.

3. Keep up with new developments. Read relevant publications and maintain continuing education requirements needed to keep your professional licenses current.

4. Volunteer. Volunteering will keep your intellect sharp and can introduce you to influential people within your community. In addition to traditional volunteering such as field trip chaperoning or class clean-up, seek out opportunities that let you use your professional talents and could tie in to future employment.

5. Build your resume. Writing journal publications or articles, giving conference talks, making presentations to local community organizations, or becoming involved in the local Chamber of Commerce all offer ways to show continued involvement.

For all mothers, the day will come when our youngest child grows up and moves on to pursue his or her own dreams. Thanks to our increased life spans, most of us moms can count on decades of productive living, working, and creating during our empty-nest years.

It's more important than ever to take a lifelong view of our careers. Let's join forces now to lay the groundwork that will maximize our current work options, as well as pave the way for the exciting "next act" in our lives.

About Amy Tiemann: Before becoming a mom, Amy Tiemann earned her Ph.D. in Neurosciences from Stanford University. Today, her work helps women regain their "mojo" when entering motherhood. Often times, women lose themselves when baby is born. Getting in touch with your true 'self' while raising your baby is not only possible, it's being done in "Mojo Mom Circles" around the country. See why women are joining the revolution and downloading their own "Mojo Mom Party Kits" http://www.MojoMom.com. Contact Amy at Amy@mojomom.com

Parenting Problem 5 Simple Things That Will Help

2009-02-17T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Derrick Pizur

What is a parenting problem?

Parenting is a tough job, we all know that. Parents face many situations that they are not familiar how to deal with. Is the child's fault? Of course not. We as a society are quick to place blame on the problem teenagers, yet often times if we examine the situation closely it is truly the parents that are the problem.

Communication

Parents and children need to communicate with one another before a problem occurs. Your child should know that they can come and talk to you about anything that is on their mind. Parents usually think that this is the case with their child but often they fail to continually tell the child that. Children often do not understand unless told that there is a constant open line of communication and support available to them.

Trust Lack of trust can be a factor with a parenting problem.

If your child does not trust you they will not communicate with you on a regular basis. Trust is developed over time. Trust is hard to build but easy to loose. Remember often your actions as a parent will speak louder than what you actually say.

Self Esteem

Parents that have a low self esteem often subject their children to tactics that lower their self esteem. Usually this is unintentional but that does not make it right. A child's self esteem or lack of can have major affects on their life.

Family Time

Did you know 90% of parents that have a parenting problem do not actually spend much time around their children? How can you effectively raise a child when you are rarely around them. In today's busy world we are all constantly on the run but we need to set at least one day per week where we can spend time with our children. The more time you spend with your child the easier it will be for them to talk and relate with you and likewise you with them.

How do you tell if it is not a parenting problem but a problem with your child?

It is always tough to tell if it is a true parenting problem or a problem stemming from your child. The best thing to do in both situations is to seek professional help. They will be able to diagnose the source of the problem and help set up an action plan to solve the problem.

http://ChildSafetyInfo.com - Ensure your child is safe!

On Leaving How To Teach Your Child How To Leave The Park Gracefully And Without Arguing

2009-02-16T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Shelly Walker

This past summer, I've had lots of opportunities to watch parents attempt to shepherd their children away from the park. I've seen good parenting and really horrible technique. I see a lot of parents and children really struggling with leaving gracefully. Here are some thing's I've learned this summer about leaving:
Don't sit on the sidelines and watch your child play, yelling instructions to him from afar.
Do make sure to play with your child to the best of your strength and energy level. Believe it or not, they'll be more willing to leave the park if they have had quality time with you that will continue on the way home. Turn off the cell phone and put down the latte and get out there and have a great time with your kids!
Don't give three or four different five-minute warnings. This only teaches your child that you don't really mean what you say and that he can push the boundaries because you don't really have any.
Do give one five-minute warning. This prepares your child & lets her know that a change is coming, helping to create a smooth transition.
Don't yell at her from afar that it's time to go. This will give her the opportunity to ignore you.
Do go right up to your child and touch him on the arm to get his attention, then look in his eyes and say it's time to go. This is a loving, thoughtful way to get your child's attention.
Don't threaten him with a nap if he doesn't leave right now. Naps should be sacred, loving times, not ever punishments. (I actually heard this a couple of weeks ago: "If you don't come with me right now, I'm going to make you take a nap when you get home!" Sleep is not a punishment, it's a blessing!)
Do tell your child what is coming next. "It's time to leave the park. Let's go home and get a snack!"
Don't allow your toddler to play until she's completely physically and emotionally spent, then expect her to leave gracefully. We're not looking to exhaust our children: we're giving them a chance for healthy exercise and fresh air.
Do make play times fun and energetic and make sure they end after an appropriate length of time.

Every parent and child can learn how to leave the park gracefully. It's a simple matter of setting clear boundaries and enforcing them with loving kindness.

Straight talk from the mom who has been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys, which will be filled with conscious parenting tips and parenting advice. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. Her website has great parenting information and free tools to help parents raise successful, empowered children. For a free copy of The Top Five Parenting Challenges: How to Succeed Where Others Fail, go to www.ParentingKeys.com .

Kid Time And Couple Time

2009-02-15T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

A reader emailed me the following question:

"Many dads and moms, especially those that work full-time, are torn by guilt when it comes to time allocation. They have been away from the kids so long during the working week that the weekends MUST be spent with them. Result: There is simply NO couple-time. Any suggestions?"

One thing that is often not realized by parents is that a happy and harmonious marriage is one of the greatest gifts they can give to their children. Most children will gladly spend less time with their parents when they know that some of the time being spent away from them is about creating and maintaining a loving relationship between their parents.

Parents who work full time do need to be sure to spend some quality time with their children each evening. I was in this position when I was raising my three children. My husband and I would each spend an hour each evening, sometimes with one child and sometimes with two. On the weekends, we set aside some time alone with each other and alone with ourselves, which our children learned to respect. Then we spent the rest of the time in family time. Parents need to understand that they are the role models for their children, and if they are not taking responsibility for their own needs, their children will not learn to take responsibility for their own needs. What we role model regarding personal responsibility for our own happiness and wellbeing is as important as spending time with our children. Both are equally important in raising healthy children.

When parents do not find the time to be with each other or to be alone with themselves, they may need to examine what else might be going on within themselves and in the relationship. Are they using their work and their children to avoid themselves and each other? If their time alone or together is not fulfilling, then work time and kid time can be ways of filling an inner emptiness. Or, the time problems might be a result of unexamined priorities.

We all tend to do what is truly important to us. If work is important to us, then we may work a lot. If parenting is important to us, then we might spend lots of time with our children. If our creative pursuits, hobbies, or sports are important to us, then we will find time for them. The same is true for our relationship. If it is very important to us, we will find the time for it. So, if parents are not finding the time to be together, they might want to examine their priorities and explore why time together might not be important.

Often time together is important to one partner and not to the other. When this is the case, partners need to explore what is happening between them that is leading to the one partner not making time together a high priority. Some of the issues you may want to examine are:

* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on for sex?

* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on to fill up the other partner emotionally?

* Does one partner feel fearful of being criticized in various ways when they are alone together?

* Is one partner emotionally unavailable and the other partner feels lonely with him or her when they are alone together?

* Has one partner become so preoccupied with being successful or making money that they no longer have anything to talk about?

* Is fun lacking in the relationship?

* Does one partner feel resistant to being controlled by the other partner?

* Is one partner resenting the imbalance regarding work, chores and childcare?

* Is one partner feeling angry or withdrawn? If so, why?

If the real reason for not spending time together is truly about not enough time, then you need to consider how you can get help, such as hiring a neighborhood teenager, to do some chores or spend some time with young children.

If spending time together is a high priority, you can find a way!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

Aspergers Syndrome And Unequal Reaction To Pain

2009-02-15T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Nelle Frances

As Parents, Teachers and Professionals of children with Asperger's Syndrome we are all familiar with the enigma of their unequal reaction to pain and injury. A stubbed toe or paper cut may set off a pain response (crying, screaming, and sobbing) such as is equalled by the loss of a limb; yet a burst ear drum or broken limb may go seemingly unnoticed. As carers of children with Asperger's Syndrome we are often bewildered by this 'unequal' response to pain stimuli. Anecdotal evidence from clients worldwide is full of reports on this topic. So, what's the answer to this confusing puzzle? The questions surrounding Asperger's children's unequal response to pain can be explained scientifically.

The assumption that, physiologically, humans are equipped to limit the amount of stimuli entering our brains thereby preventing the brain from becoming overloaded, has led to the establishment of a 'normal' range of feeling. However, those with Autistic Spectrum Disorder are recognised as having a hyper/hypo sensitivity to stimuli i.e. above average range of feeling or super-sensitivity, first written about in 1949 by Bergman and Escolona.

Accounts written by people with Asperger's Syndrome state that their disability is directly linked to their senses and their sensory processing. So let's look at the biochemical processes that occur when our senses are stimulated.

Stimulation from the environment enters our brain through our eyes, ears, skin, nose and mouths. Our nervous system passes this information around our brain and body by the use of biochemical neurotransmitters. The amount of stimulation felt is determined by the amount of neurotransmitter processed in each neuron. The enzyme dopamine beta hydroxylase is released from nerve endings during stimulation. Dopamine beta hydroxylase (DBH) is essential for cell communication and regulating neurons in the central and peripheral nervous systems. An increase in stimulation results in an increase in the level of this enzyme. Scientific studies have shown that individuals with Asperger's Syndrome have much higher levels of dopamine beta hydroxylase in their systems than in ordinary individuals. The presence of this enzyme is also linked to behaviours such as repetition, agitation and aggression.

Repetitious activity, such as rocking, flapping or pacing, results in the release of Endorphins through the system. Endorphins reduce the sensation of pain and have the ability to block pain. In other words, when endorphins are present, the amount of sensory reaction is reduced or stopped completely. Children with Asperger's Syndrome have the ability to purposely, but unknowingly, overload their sensory system in order to shut it down completely i.e. by rocking, flapping or pacing etc.

Blocking out all sensation by the production of endorphins might seem like a simple and easy way of coping with sensory overstimulation; however, in caring for Asperger children we must realize that reaction to ALL sensation becomes limited. They won't recognize hunger, tiredness, body temperature (risk of overheating), full bladder/bowel or pain.

Children with Asperger's Syndrome display agitation through use of repetitious behaviors such as rocking, flapping, pacing, head-banging, staring, screaming, spinning, chanting or humming. Our job as Carers, Teachers and Professionals of children with Asperger's Syndrome is to recognize these signals of agitation.

These behaviors are used to block out

· direct over stimulation from their environment;

· their emotions (happy, fearful, or excited) and

· their response to pain.

These repetitive behaviors also serve to calm an Asperger child, if their use is monitored rather than unlimited.

For Asperger children, the build-up or cumulative affect of these endorphins throughout the day also needs to be taken into consideration. This is why Asperger children who suffer accidents in the afternoon or evening may not show pain or seem to feel it.

All physical exercise causes the release of natural endorphins into the system that can help to 'protect' the child with Asperger's Syndrome without switching off the sensory response. So exercise such as walking, running, and swimming is extremely beneficial in your child's daily routine as a preventative measure. It may be used during periods of agitation to help calm the child with Asperger's Syndrome. In this way exercise is used to develop appropriate social responses e.g. it is more acceptable to jump on a trampoline rather than on the furniture.

With this information revealed it becomes obvious that we must monitor our Asperger child's production of endorphins, because the presence of excess endorphins causes them to lose the ability to respond to any stimulation. This means that children with Asperger's Syndrome miss much of what they are meant to be learning.

Also, we must realize that these stereotyped/repetitive behaviours have social consequences for children with Asperger's Syndrome they are a visual reminder that these children are different from their peers. We must take into account the Asperger child's socializing skills and ability when monitoring and setting limits on the use of repetitive behaviors. That is, we should tell them times and places when flapping/rocking/head-banging are acceptable, for controlled periods of time.

We should not attempt to eliminate sensory stimulation in order to protect children with Asperger's Syndrome. Without stimulation, our world becomes meaningless to them. Rather we should attempt to provide them with a safe sensory environment dim lights, softer noises/voices, reduced odors - giving them the opportunity to learn and respond appropriately.

www.nellefrances.com/tips1.html

Nelle Frances is the mother of a 15 year old with Asperger's Syndrome, a Special Needs Educator and Author of the Ben and His Helmet series of books for Asperger children. She is also an active member of 5 Asperger's Syndrome Support and Advocacy Groups. For more information and Support Strategies visit http://www.nellefrances.com/tips1.html.

Does Your Child Forget Hisher Homework

2009-02-14T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Audrey Okaneko

I used to get at least one phone call per week from my daughter. She was just frantic. She had left her homework at home and needed me to rush it over to her at school.

On the weeks she remembered her homework each day, I would get a phone call that she had forgotten her lunch and could I please bring her lunch to her as she had no money to buy lunch.

I did bail her out for a while. Then I decided it was time for her to take full responsibility and live with the consequences if she did forget something.

I worked with her to develop systems that I hoped would help eliminate these frantic phone calls and would aid her in remembering all of her materials for school.

In the evening we would develop a check list of everything she needed the next day. This list would include all homework items, along with any books needed. Often a free reading book was needed in class. We would add this to our list. Our list also included lunch, jacket and anything else that was needed the next day.

We then put this note on the front door. We had to leave through the front door in the morning and so we put the note where I knew we'd see it. A quick glance at the list would tell my daughter if she had everything she needed.

We then began a day planner. As she went through her day she would write down not only homework assignments but also what items she needed to bring home from school. If she wrote down her math homework, but left the book at school, she could not complete the homework. It was her responsibility to check her day planner to make sure she had everything she needed to bring home. With this day planner, she also knew exactly what her assignments were. No more calling friends to find out what the homework was.

We also put money in her backpack that would cover the cost of one lunch. So, should she forget her lunch at home, she always had the money to buy lunch at school.

We also developed a packing list for spending the night at a friends' house. Again, it never failed that something was left at home, either a gift, if it was a party, or a pillow or maybe a toothbrush. This packing list made it a snap to throw everything into a duffle bag and not leave something behind.

Checklists and a day planner took us from several calls in a month for forgotten items to almost never forgetting anything at home, or at school.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com

Take Your Kid To Work Youll Both Learn Something

2009-02-13T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Kelly J. Curtis

I read the note from school and winced. Do I have to?

"Take your kid to work" day sounded a little like "get nothing at all done" day, but I was going to be attending a conference and figured it could be a unique experience. It was relatively close to home, so it might work out for me to take her along and only have her miss the one day of school.

The issue, however, was that in addition to exhibiting, this time I was hired to speak at the conference, so I would be facilitating a two-hour training. I didn't worry about Deena's ability to help out as an exhibitor, but what about a speaking engagement?

I talked to Deena about my concerns and the expectations I would have for any assistant during a conference session, and she felt confident she could meet my expectations. Additionally, it was to be a rather small conference with most-likely very affirming, patient and youth-centered participants, and the session was only two hours, not a half or full-day. So I figured, if there was ever a conference to attempt a "Take Your Kid to Work Day", this was the one.

Ultimately, it was an excellent experience for everyone involved. Deena was a valuable assistant in setting up the exhibit, as she was able to roll exhibit suitcases on her own and hold open doors for me as I carried in the heavy items. I never realized how much I needed an assistant until I had one! And in the preparation for our sectional, we had only a short time between sessions, so I really appreciated her help then as well. She was the ultimate professional for the two-hour period, allowing me to do my job, while helping participants with needed training supplies. And of course, the conference participants were exactly the positive, generous people I assumed they would be.

I learned several empowerment lessons from this experience:

Adults need to take advantage of opportunities that help empowered young people experience success;

Some situations pose less "risk" than others, so are prime opportunities to stretch youth and adult perception of a young person's capability; and

Inviting youth to participate in an experience different from their usual day broadens their perspective of the world and their future.

Of course, there are usually unexpected bonuses. During the conference, Deena participated in an art project facilitated by a talented Native American woman, gaining a new skill as well as a better understanding of a culture different from her own. And when I asked her what was the best part of "Take Your Kid to Work Day"? The swimming pool? The conference food? The exhibit candy? The fun art project?

Believe it or not, she said it was the two hour ride in the truck to and from the conference. Why? Because we got to talk to each other the whole time.

This summer, I encourage you to find a way to empower a young person. Engage them in something you are doing. Take a risk. And reap the benefits...

Copyright 2004 Kelly Curtis. Kelly Curtis, M.S. is a freelance writer and speaker who writes about youth empowerment in her blog - Youth - Our Greatest Natural Resource ( http://www.kellycurtis.blogspot.com ). She also publishes curricula related to tutoring and positive youth development http://www.empowering-youth.com.

A Peaceful Parenting Success Story Iv

2009-02-13T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Nancy Buck

Mary Beth, mother of two teenagers and one preteen knows the temptation and perils of engaging in too many unnecessary battles with her children.

"When all of my children reached their adolescent years it seemed as though my life consisted of one complaint or demand after another. First with Kerry, my eldest, I found myself in battles or attempting to avoid battles. It has just intensified as each child has grown older. Sam, our youngest, is now a preteen, Kerry is still a teenager and Agatha, our middle is also a teenager. The potential for a life filled with continuous battles not only seemed possible, it was slowly becoming a reality.

"I have read many child-rearing books during my years as a parent. But when my children's middle school offered an evening presentation on PEACEFUL PARENTING®, I knew I had to attend. Peace seemed absolutely necessary and elusive in our home.

"Hearing and practicing one piece of advice I heard that night has significantly helped make more peace in my life. When I am about to get into a discussion, or battle, or disagreement with one of my children I ask myself this questions: Is my child's behavior or request life altering or life threatening? If the answer is "no" then I try and avoid any kind of confrontation.

"Now that I have read the book I understand that my children are in more competitive phases of their growth. They all have a greater need for power and freedom. The potential for arguments and disagreements are endless. But now I have a specific question to ask myself that helps me decide to engage in a battle or avoid it. After all, I may not like the length of Sam's hair, or the color of Agatha's hair, or the style that Kerry has decided to wear her hair, but length, color and style are not life altering or life threatening. Piercing and tattooing are life altering. Riding in a car with a driver/friend who has been drinking is life threatening.

Thank you PEACEFUL PARENTING® for helping me discern when to confront my children and when to walk away.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com
Improve your family - Improve your world

Single Parents Cash And Resource Guide By Rose Mason White An Ebook Review

2009-02-12T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Dorothea Carney

If you're a single parent, chances are you are facing many struggles in life. It's hard enough to live a comfortable existence with two incomes, but trying to raise children with one income is a daunting challenge! I've been there, so I speak from experience. Not only do single parents face financial hardships, but there are emotional hardships to deal with as well.

As a single parent, you probably face that "catch 22"there's no time to do research to find help, because you're too busy trying to survive. Good newshelp has arrived!

Bonnie Kotch, a single mom herself, has started a new, absolutely amazing website that was designed to offer help to other single parents. Since she had struggled along for years alone, searching for help, she decided to create a website filled with ideas that will make your life easier.

In her quest to help other single parents, this amazing woman worked with another single mom, Rose Mason White, to help her put together a book of fantastic resources for single parents and this includes single dads too! This 88 page guide, has something for everyone, even resources for people who aren't single parents but are experiencing financial hardships.

Did you know that there are actually philanthropists who give away money to people in need? One famous children's author is a champion for single parents, and this resource guide shows you how to contact her for possible aid.

Some of the resources include:

* Foundations that give away "free money" to people in need

* How to get a free car

* How to get free coupons and samples for baby items

* Business and career information

* Children and women's rights groups

* Places that give away free computers

* What to do if you're hit with a sudden bill that you can't pay

* Lots of information groups on divorce, shelter, housing and repairs

* Internet resources

* Insurance and medical coverage information

* Relief services

* Various network groups and free newsletter

* Wholesale bargains and freebies. This one is for EVERYBODY!

This award- winning guide for single parents has grown since it was first published, with more resources, links and organizations than you will ever need. There is something in here for just about every situation. You no longer have to struggle alone.

Now here's a great way that you can help others and make a little extra money as well. After you get your copy, I'm sure you'll be as impressed as I was and will want to share this information with others. You can sign up as an Affiliate and earn 50% commission on each book that you sell.

Remember the law of reciprocity. The more you give to others in life, the more you'll get back. This is a wonderful opportunity to help single parents in need. Don't pass it up!

Dorothea Carney has been a teacher for many years. When she discovers a fantastic product, she loves to share it with the world! Visit: http://parent.anyonecandoit.com to learn about the Single Parent Resource Guide. Visit: http://home-biz-advisor.com for other great ideas!

For Parents And Teachers Becoming A Teacher Of Creativity

2009-02-11T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Eliane Leao

Teaching itself is a unique invention. The process of becoming a creative teacher is like the process of thinking creatively. If you count on your education courses, the classes you've given, your students contributions, you'll be disappointed. You may learn about the subject being taught, the children's nature, the learning process, the methodology, and institutional materials; however, all of this will never be sufficient. You may inform yourself about the gifted student, or the one with special needs. Even then, you will not have unveiled everything. Added up, all these will not prepare you to teach. They will need to be combined with your own abilities and potential, plus the needs of your students in such a way that they'll lead you to your very own invention: your unique way of teaching. This unique invention is tremendously important to teach creativity or to teach creatively, leading the students to the discovery and use of their own potential. The search for a pre-established goal - the invention of your own way of teaching - emerges from you own creative process.

If you fail, you will gain consciousness of your deficiencies and defects; you will know the existing gaps in your strategies and techniques; and you will discover the holes in your knowledge. You will base yourself on your life experiences and you will seek out indicators of how to improve your performance over the next try. You will have to read a lot. From then on, you study what you read and your questioning evolves increasingly. You will come to see things never before realized. Therefore, you will come to formulate and bet on hypothesis, and to search for solutions. You will become creative for you will be problem-solving. You yourself will be trying to become a good teacher through the experience of Methodology of Creative Action. Through your attempts, from the ecstatic successes and the acceptance of mistakes plus the very exclusion of these in the process, you will be vivifying the occurrence of your own invention it'll be you being the teacher you've always wanted to be!

Paul Torrance used to say: "Your own personality resources, your intellectual resources, your needs and abilities and those of your students, plus the expectations of the community to which you'll be teaching interact to determine the most effective materials and methodology. It is possible, however, to derive some general principles from the experience and research that'll increase the chances that your teaching will increment and promote the potential of talented children. It is possible to create teaching methodology and materials that will be based on already tested principles. It is the teacher's creative task to combine them to answer to the needs and abilities of the students, maintaining the harmony with their own needs and abilities.

TOP 10 REQUIREMENTS FOR A TEACHER TO CREATE

To teach creativity it is required that a teacher be greatly receptive to activities of listening, feeling and seeing the world. S/he needs to be, on his/her own, of upbeat personality, polite, curious and excited about the students´ learning, completely free of hostile attitudes and punishment when it comes to the students. A teacher can never have tendencies to punish. S/he has to be able to let one thing or a fact lead to another thing or yet another fact.

There exist some teachers who are used to placing the responsibility for not being creative on facts and things in the environment, accommodating as such over the years. Of course, in the environment, within society, and the educational system, there also exist many forces which inhibit the individuality of the creative teacher, which leads him/her to conform. In the search for our very own best way to teach, an analysis of the most common inhibiting forces is the least we should do.

They are:

1. Random thinking versus absorbing thought
2. Lack of time to think and to dream
3. Lack of intellectual honesty
4. Desperate mind
5. No more investigation and exploration
6. No more in-depth investigation of new things
7. Deterioration of imagination reserves
8. No more jotting ideas down
9. Fear of individuality
10. Not being yourself anymore

When we analyze each and every one of the 10 items considered obstacles for the creative teachers, we have:

1. When you try to be the only inventor of your very own way of teaching, there are times in which you have to concentrate on the problem. Some people incorrectly associate invention and discovery with mere chance, with random behavior. It is true that many good ideas seem to occur when the person is relaxed in the tub, during religious services, by the pool. However, these occurrences are ALWAYS preceded by attentive concentration during which the mind maintained itself occupied with the problem in question.

2. The absorbing thought takes up your time. The clock is a tyrant and much can be done to soften its tyranny. The activities have to be developed with authenticity. Don't freak out. Set aside a part of your day for some free time, don't be reserved about daydreaming occasionally, and don't be embarrassed if someone catches you floating outside reality, thinking and concentrating on something that interest only you.

3. We are rarely honest with ourselves when it comes doing things that truly interest us. To become the creator of your own manner of teaching, you have to free yourself from all the coverings and masks that hide you inside your won work; from all your beliefs that are false; and from all conventions and forms that are outdated.

4. Some people think that the more you know, the less you are capable of invention and discovery. That is false. According to Pasteur, the chances increase for the prepared minds. But there is a paradox here. Familiarity along with existing knowledge is necessary to attain more knowledge; however, the existence of previous knowledge about a certain problem can become an impediment to its solution. Pre-concepts are accused of hindering discoveries.

5. For the teacher, there can never be one single period in which the experimentation process and that of testing will cease.

6. In general, the students complain about studying and having to repeat certain topics, thinking that the emphasis causes discouragement. This occurs because the students have not dominated the ability of looking to the subjects approached with neither different things nor great depth. From studies on perception, however, it is clear that an object's meaning changes as we change the point and perspective through which we object it. Previously forgotten details can suddenly become extremely important. After we change the goals or after we obtain additional information, the meaning of something changes as well. Many are the inventions and discoveries through the deliberate use of certain methods, which made the familiar strange and the strange familiar.

7. The person will have difficulty in thinking creatively if her brain isn't rich in memories. Mental reserves filled with images will be useful to the creative teachers when s/he is searching for his/her own invention. One way of enriching the imagination is through the developing consciousness of the environment followed by detailed experimentation. This will be possible through sensory experiences, first-hand experiences, through personal identification with other professionals, through involvement with life. Another effective way is through immersion within world literature.

8. We feel deprived of ideas until the day in which we decide to write them down. Then our lives change! We frequently stop fixating on our own ideas, failing to capture them more so because they occur in inappropriate and uncommon places than because they occur where we'd like them to. Even the children have to be guided regarding the importance of "holding" ideas, taking notes to be used in the future, or to develop them when the opportunity comes.

9. It is difficult to free ourselves from the opinion that people formulate about us. We are always trying to adjust to the expectations of others, to the fact that we shouldn't harm nor offend. This causes us to severely reduce our potentialities. Very few of the creative who contributed magnificently to society were popular or well-accepted by others. In fact, many of them were hated. The creative person always has something urgent to say and is constantly searching for new aspects of the truth.

10. Perhaps the best advice to be given to the teacher who's being capacitated in creativity is:

"Be yourself if you wish to contribute with any original thing that you believe to be worthwhile." This is a piece of advice difficult to receive because we are hindered by our pretension and/or shyness, our doubts and weaknesses, beyond the confused self-concepts.

Seek to know the value of your intuitions. Treat them with care and cultivate the conditions to give them the means to sprout and grow. The process of becoming a creative teacher is, finally, an exciting adventure which brings unexpected returns. Trust in your dreams and from them, build your reality.

Dr. Eliane Leao is a native of Brazil, South America. She has a background in Education from Purdue University (Masters) and a PhD in the Department of Educational Psychology from the State University of Campinas (UNICAMP)/Purdue University (Ph.D.). Dr. Leao has also three Bachelor's degrees, one in Piano, another in Musical Education, and a third in Voice. Dr. Leao is currently a professor of Music Education and Music Therapy conducting research on the influence of Music in Early Childhood Learning.

Dr. Leao hopes that the trials and successes of her family may inspire and convince other parents to stimulate their children during early childhood so that they may enjoy a rich, stimulating, integrated, and happy life always. Visit our site at: http://www.baby-can-read.com for free articles, ebook and free giveaways!

A National Holiday For Tolerance And Parenting Part 2

2009-02-11T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Paul Jerard

Take control of children by shutting the Xbox, Play Station, television, and music off. If you want to send them to their room, take all the toys away. "Stick to your guns," and don't back down if you are right. Your children will be better for it, and they will grow up as balanced adults because of your courage "to stand up and be counted."

Take control of how your children dress. Parents and schools need to work together on this and many more issues. Sorry - they are still children and need to know right from wrong.

Music, containing profanity, should be cast out. Let's use a little common sense. This is an abuse of the freedom of speech. This is not what our Founding Fathers fought for or what the Southern Christian Leadership Conference worked so hard for.

It is our right not have to listen to "trash talking" - inciting violence, and disrespect, at a high decibel level. Motorists who play music for the surrounding few blocks should be rewarded with fines. If you want to listen to it, please get a set of headphones, and the rest of us won't mind.

We are now the largest producers of "No Content Movies" in the world. These movies contain amazingly expensive special effects, nonsensical graphic violence, profanity, and nudity. This is an insult to your intelligence, and this is all the movie producers think we can comprehend. On top of that, it is inconsiderate to make these movies available for children.

Television shows that display similar "no content programs" should be boycotted. With over 100 television stations on cable, and satellite networks, much of what is aired for prime time television has no content. Again, this is an insult to your intelligence

When a child or parent doesn't want to take part in the Pledge of Allegiance, this is not a problem. Please leave the United States and find another country that will accept disrespect as part of your civil rights.

Don't be afraid to talk about God or religious holidays. Please always be considerate of others, but love of God is nothing to be ashamed of. There are groups who work to have the words "In God we Trust" removed from our currency. Do not justify their position. This is not tolerance; our country was founded by people who believed in God, and there is nothing wrong with that.

We have become side tracked by what is politically correct. The purpose of the civil rights marches, in the 1960's, were to improve civil rights for the best.

Always remember that the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. was a moral man of vision and tolerance. He was also a man who had basic common sense and an extreme sense of duty that he knew could cost his life. In a different time, he could have been a great President.

Paul Jerard is a co-owner and the director of Yoga teacher training at: Aura Wellness Center, in North Providence, RI. He has been a certified Master Yoga teacher since 1995. He is a master instructor of martial arts, with multiple Black Belts, four martial arts teaching credentials, and was recently inducted into the USA Martial Arts Hall of Fame. He teaches Yoga, martial arts, and fitness to children, adults, and seniors in the greater Providence area. Recently he wrote: Is Running a Yoga Business Right for You? For Yoga students, who may be considering a new career as a Yoga teacher. http://www.yoga-teacher-training.org/index.html

Smut Spelled Backwards Is Tums

2009-02-10T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Stanley Leffew

Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?

I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.

It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family. Commercials with little human decency shown during prime-time family hour have become the norm.

Have you seen them?

* As she flosses her nether regions with skimpy attire, Paris Hilton eats a Carl's Jr hamburger while washing a Bentley with her body. Word is that sister company Hardee's will be airing a similar commercial soon.

* In a commercial for the franchise, "Jack In The Box", comments are made about the things Jack is giving away in his latest promotion. A man reads the "giveaways" and comments on how Jack is giving away everything but his wife. He then states, "Oh, what I would do for a night with her".

* One of the latest Burger King commercials borrows from The Wizard of Oz and features Hootie of, "Hootie and The Blowfish" fame and Brooke Burke from E-TV's "Wild On". After seeing so many "shaking tushes" on this "Yellow Brick Road", you are left wondering exactly what you are able to "have it your way" at Burger King.

SMUT is everywhere; primetime commercials, primetime TV sitcoms, radio talk shows, music lyrics and billboards on the side of the highway.

SMUT has become a kind of "second hand smoke". Just like smoking, it is being thrown in our face from all angles. Its encroachment into our lives is creating moral cancer in our families even when one doesn't personally indulge.

Before you scream censorship at me, visit your favorite restaurant. All that food may be beautiful, but if several people came over and started shoving their entrees in your face, it would become a whole new issue.

I have an idea. Why not give it a try? The next time you step into Carl's Jr for a burger, ask them to drop it into the nearest mop bucket. After all, isn't that supposed to be a great way to enjoy one of their burgers?

Perhaps it's not just a coincidence that SMUT spelled backwards is TUMS.

Maybe if advertisers see parents reaching for a Tums instead of reaching for what they are selling, they will be more considerate with how they spend their advertising dollars.

(C)Copyright 2005 advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com
by Stanley J. Leffew
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, "How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime". His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why leading-with-the-body in life and relationships feeds desire but fails to satisfy the longing of the heart for love, companionship and intimacy by visiting http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com.

Teens And Sleep

2009-02-10T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Marie Zenack

Sleep is nature's way of renewing and maintaining balancephysically, emotionally, and spiritually. Teenagers need about 9.5 hours of sleep each night. It is thought that sleep requirements increase for teens because the hormones that are essential for maturing bodies are released mainly during sleep. Yet studies show that most teenagers only get about 7.4 hours of sleep a night. This is not enough for a teen to be healthy.

Lack of sleep leaves us confused and undirected, open to the chaotic influences of others who are also sleep-deprived. Deep and regular sleep keeps us in close contact with our own inner knowing and moves us steadily toward the accomplishment of our own goals. Regular sleep is also the basis for developing clear intuition, that inner voice that represents our truest desires. Throughout history wise men and women have used the quiet night hours to get in touch with their intuitive knowing. Try this simple practice: wait until you are in bed, quiet and relaxed, just before falling asleep. If there is something that you need or want, make your request or ask your question of the Divine within you. Fall asleep naturally. In the morning, do not jump up immediately. Wait for a few minutes, expectantly but not anxiously, to see if some intuitive "knowing" comes to you. Do not be discouraged if it doesn't. It takes time to develop intuition. And the answer may come later on in some quiet moment, when you least expect it. Answers from the Indwelling Divine fill us with peace and security. We know with confidence how to proceed. Or we know with confidence that we are protected and guided.

If you are having trouble staying on top of life, try going to bed early and getting 9.5 hours of sleep each night. Many of the answers you seek may be no farther away than your own pillow.

Marie Zenack is a teacher of fertility awareness and a facilitator of women's rites of passage. She lives in a spiritual community in rural Southeast Iowa, where she spends her time teaching, writing, meditating, gardening, cooking and enjoying her grandchildren. http://www.menstrual-cycle-period.com/

Coping With Colic

2009-02-09T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Arabella Greatorex

Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike, colic is likely to be the first major test of your parenting skills. It is dreadful for all concerned but these tips should help you cope with this difficult time.

You must at all times remember that your baby is not crying to annoy you or to punish you for something you have not done. It is not your fault that she is suffering in this way, nor is it hers. All you can do is to help relieve her pain.

Is it colic?

Colic is defined as 3 or more hours of continued crying in a day. It is not an actual illness or physical ailment and doctors are still not sure what the cause is. All that is known is that a number of babies will suffer from it, starting around 6 weeks and crying inconsolably for hours each day until around 3 months or later.

If your baby cries for long periods of time and you are not able to comfort her, it may be colic but you should first rule out the normal reasons for crying:

Is your baby hungry or thirsty? Is her nappy wet, or is she too hot or cold? Is she bored or in need of a cuddle?

If you can rule out all the above, you should ensure that she is not ill by checking the following:

Lots of physical contact is often the only way to comfort a baby suffering from colic. A baby that is actually ill is unlikely to want to be handled.

Nearly every baby will bring back small quantities of milk but any actual vomiting should be checked out with your health visitor or other health professional.

A baby suffering from colic will continue to feed and has a good sucking reflex. An ill baby is likely to have a reduced appetite and may not suck as well.

Colic is very unlikely to alter your baby's nappies so any diarrhoea should be investigated further.

A baby with colic will quite literally howl with pain and will bring their knees up into their chest to try and relieve it. Many parents that with lots of patience and hard work, they are able to reduce the level of discomfort even if they are not able to end it completely.

Causes

It is still not known why some babies suffer from colic and it is likely that there are a number of probable causes.

Many colicky babies suffer from excessive wind and doctors will sometimes prescribe anti-wind drops.

Other babies may simply find the transition to the world a little hard to cope with and display colic symptoms as a result.

A small number of babies suffer from a milk allergy (either to breast or formula milk) which may be the cause of the colic symptoms and may respond to a soya-based milk. This needs to be monitored carefully so you must discuss the symptoms with your GP or other health professional before altering your baby's feeding.

Preventative measures

Breast-fed babies

Watch what you are eating as many foods are known to affect babies - spicy food, grapes, onions, dairy products, alcohol, tea, chocolate, coffee, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, peppers (especially raw green peppers), strawberries, oranges and grapes. I found that grapes, onions and cauliflower were particularly bad.

You should try eliminating any foods that you know don't agree with you for a few days and see if this helps.

Breast-fed babies tend to take in less air than bottle-fed but do remember to burp your baby about 5/10 minutes into the feed and then again at the end. Even breast-fed/fed on demand babies can gulp milk in the first few minutes so an early winding can help to remove this air before too much milk gets on top of it.

Remember to relax when you are feeding - if you are tense you may pass this on to your baby and start the process off. Also, this may be one of the few times in which you will be able to rest yourself. Try out a number of positions to see which is most comfortable for the two of you. Ask for help if you need it - try the NCT Breast-feeding helpline or your health visitor.

Bottle-fed babies

A soya formula can help some babies with colic but do check with your GP or heath visitor as they have been concerns about the levels of sugar in some formulas.

If you think that your baby is swallowing a lot of air when feeding, try a different teat and always make sure that the bulb is full of milk to help reduce this. Keep feeds small and often - this way your baby will never get panicky for a feed and gulp in air and also will never suffer from bloating caused by too full a stomach.

All babies

There are a number of other, more long term preventative measures that you can take. Many parents swear by massage: it can help to prevent a bout of colic and also relieve the symptoms when one does occur. Cranial-osteopathy is another treatment that many parents opt for - do ask around for a recommended practitioner or see our advice and links page.

When an attack occurs There is no single thing that will give relief to all babies with colic but with (lots) of patience and trial and error, you will find things that will help ease the discomfort. What your baby really needs is comforting and lots and lots of it. This will not spoil the baby - you are simply responding to her needs and helping her through a distressing time.

Simple things often work best:

put her over your shoulder or in another favourite position and walk up and down the room

cradle her face down over your arm so that all her weight is on her stomach

lay her face down across your knees and pat her back

if you have a rocking chair, try sitting in it and rocking backwards and forwards

if you have a baby carrier, this may help if your arms begin to get tired.

talk soothingly to your baby - she is scared and in pain and this can help to calm her down

try any other calming tricks that she likes such as dim lights or soothing music

try massaging her stomach gently in a clockwise direction (this can also work as a preventative measure) - see our article on baby massage here

try gently pushing her knees into her stomach to help relieve the pain

try some of the branded gripe and wind relief preparations that are available after checking with your pharmacist which is best for your baby

It is very hard work and extremely frustrating for you but you should be able to dramatically reduce your baby's suffering if you keep at it.

If you can, share this time with another adult - perhaps you could take it in turns or maybe keep each other company as you cope with the baby's cries.

If you really are reaching the end of your patience, put your baby somewhere safe (such as the cot) and leave the room for 10 minutes. She may scream even louder but no real harm will come to her and the short break will do you wonders.

The next day Your baby is likely to wake up bright and early and not be any the worse for the night before. You on the other hand, are likely to be exhausted and very aware that it will all start again in a few hours.

Forget about the housework - you and your baby need as much enjoyable time together and you need as much rest as you can get. Even if you can't get someone to help you with the nights, perhaps a neighbour or friend would play with the baby while you catch up on some sleep.

Nor is actually getting dressed in the mornings that important - if it helps you to rest, then stay in your dressing gown until you are ready to go out.

Make your life as simple as possible: if friends call round to see you and the baby, ask them to make the coffee while you sit down for 5 minutes. Perhaps they could even hang the washing out for you - it is amazing the difference even this will make to the quality of your life.

Order in takeaway or make simple meals such as jacket potatoes and tuna or cheese - easy to cook and easy to clean up.

This is a very difficult time so try to hold onto the thought that it will pass in a couple of weeks. Also, remember, this is not your fault, nor is it your baby's fault.

Arabella Greatorex is the owner of http://www.naturalnursery.co.uk, an online store selling organic and fairly traded products for families including organic clothing and nappies, fairly traded toys and natural toiletries.

Harry Potter Hero Or Heathen

2009-02-08T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Audrey Lizee

Whether you are 2 years old or 82, you've probably heard of Harry Potter. Maybe you too did not understand who he is but he's everywhere! I started out doing some history research about Halloween, but curiosity once again dragged me elsewhere, into the unknown world of Harry Potter. Halloween is one of my least favored holidays, so I never encouraged it much while my kids were growing up. Everything is about choices in life, our children's heroes and fads change, some we accept, some we don't. Right now seems to be the Harry Potter movement, or phenomenon, and somehow it seems more complicated than a 'fad' or hero, somehow there seems to be a hidden agenda. I compare it to a user-friendly repackaged guide to an unknown world of mythology and witchcraft.

What I did discover about Halloween was that originally, it started out as 'All Hallows Eve' as it fell on All Saint's Day or as the Roman Catholics called it 'Allhallowmass'. Eventually, it was moved to November 1, as Halloween took on pagan worship and traditions. Actually, 'trick or treat' and 'jack o lanterns' are both carry-overs of pagan tradition. Also included in this celebration day is the darker side of the occult, which still occurs today and is growing at an alarming rate across the country!

So, where does Harry Potter fit in? Well, Halloween is the great holiday that Wicca and Satanic worshippers hold in high regard. Supposedly it is the day when the veil is very thin between the spirits of those gone before us and those here on earth. It is the celebrating of the communion between nature and the spirit world, a time when the connection is the easiest. The Harry Potter series is closely tied to the Wicca or White Witchcraft teachings. So, where does the controversy come in? It is between Christian/non-Christian, God/Satan, good/evil, and how they mix; like oil and water.

J.L Rowling is author of this 7 book Harry Potter series, the fifth of which is to be released shortly. She dreamed up the basis for this story while riding on a passenger train one day and has now sold over 76 million copies, in 42 languages! The books are based on fantasy and pagan traditions of the magical arts; sorcery, charms, spells, fortune telling, astrology-centered on the mythical magical world of witches, wizards and creatures of good and evil. It is told that a witch killed Harry's parents on Halloween night, but Harry escapes. He becomes a wizard by going to Hog wart school and author Rowling creates him a hero as he studies witchcraft and magic for revenge. This boy is made to sound like a hero but he blackmails, deceives, lies, hates his enemies and takes drugs to more easily communicate with the spirit world. He practices occult, spiritism, magic, wizardry, witchcraft and astrology. No matter if it was Rowling's intent or not, Harry Potter has become a literacy device introducing young readers and society to the age-old war between Judeo- Christian values and sorcery (Harry Potter Wicca, witchcraft, and the Bible). Maybe it was not her intent for curious young readers to explore more deeply the "New Age" religion (or maybe it was?). Would you believe that Wicca is the fastest growing religion in the U.S? Would you also believe that a few months ago, Goggle search engine had 1 million links to the word, and today has 2.8 million? A witch school in U.S, dedicated to Wicca growth, now has 140,000 students. How is it that some schools are allowing Harry Potter books to be taught in the classroom, (Wicca is declared a religion now) but anything biblical is not?

Awareness is the key for parents and society as a whole. This is not about book burning, and banning, it is not about forbidding your child to read a book. (I remember years ago, forbidding my teenager from listening to a certain heavy metal band, but not long ago he showed me his collection of tapes to which he had memorized every word!) It is about standing up for what you believe, it is about teaching your children right from wrong, having them understand the difference between true and false fantasy, healthy and poison imagination, good and bad reading material, etc. It is about discernment, and not allowing ourselves to become desensitized to what feels wrong.

I believe that in the child's forming years of mind, heart and soul, it would be a parental duty to lean on the side of caution. They already have enough negative world forces coming at them, so it is up to us adults to set an example and help them find a positive Higher Power or "anti-drug" as the TV ads say. With proper resources, they will be able to decide whether Harry Potter is Hero or Heathen.

Develop Your Childs Genius The King Of Games The Game Of Kings

2009-02-07T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Esther Andrews

Many people still think that the game of chess is appropriate for old people. In their mind's eye, they see 2 elderly people sitting across from each other in the park, playing a game of chess.

Well, it might sound surprising to you, but you can teach a baby to play chess. It has shown to be extremely beneficial for children of all ages to learn to play chess, and in addition, it is very entertaining. It is impossible to describe how much value a child gets from playing chess.

When my son Eric was about 2 or 3, he showed interest in board games, so I asked my husband if he knew how to play chess. I didn't know how to play Chess at the time, but luckily my husband knew the basics, and volunteered to teach little Eric. Eric took to it immediately. One day, my husband and I walked into a computer store, to buy a piece of hardware, and in the back room, we saw a person sitting in front of the computer, playing Chess. We started a conversation with him, and found out that he was a Chess teacher. When we came home, we asked Eric if he would like us to find a teacher for him, and he was very excited about it.

After some looking around and making some phone calls (now I know exactly who to call and where to look) we found a new immigrant from Russia who was a gifted Chess teacher. Some of his students became very famous grandmasters. So we made an appointment with the teacher, and he played a game of Chess with our baby. He looked at us after the game and said, a little bit amazed: "he is making all the right moves, it is amazing". Eric was 4 at the time, and the teacher took him on as a student.

Since then, Chess has been a part of our life. Chess has enriched our lives a great deal. Thanks to Chess, we have traveled and seen some parts of the world and the country we would have never traveled to otherwise. Whenever we visited a new place, we always looked for a street corner or a coffee house where people play chess, and always met interesting people and made new friends. There is always something new to learn, and avid players spend a significant amount of time learning and practicing. Many people find enjoyment in participating in tournaments.

All over the country there are many chess clubs that encourage the participation of children, and many scholastic tournaments are taking place all over the country. Players of all skill levels are encouraged to play in tournaments, and players of similar skill levels are paired to play with each other.

What will your child learn from playing Chess?

- He will learn how to put together a plan, and follow up on it.

- He will learn to calculate a few moves ahead of time, based on memory and imagination.

- He will learn how to concentrate.

- He will learn the difference between strategy and tactics.

- He will learn to think before he acts. That every move has consequences.

- He will learn to play fair and to be courteous.

- He will improve his visual memory and visual discrimination.

- He will learn how to follow the rules.

- He will learn to take responsibility.

- He will learn to have patience.

- He will develop his creativity.

There are so many more benefits to studying and playing chess, that you will have to discover for yourself.

When we started taking little Eric to a kids' Chess club, we met some kids that were highly gifted. I will never forget a little boy, 8 years old, who played a game of "blindfold" chess with the teacher, who was a master. "Blindfold" means that the player is not looking at the board, and has to play the game out of memory. The little boy played a whole game out of memory, and beat the master.

The most successful children were the ones who started very early. Children who had an older sibling who played Chess, or a parent who played Chess, and had the opportunity to watch the game when they were babies.

If you have a baby, if possible let the baby watch people playing Chess. Do you play Chess? Wonderful! Let the baby watch. If you do not play Chess, find a Chess club in your neighborhood, a park or a coffeehouse and let the baby watch the games as long as the baby is interested.

Some babies will be fascinated and watch the game for a long time, some will watch just for a few minutes. No problem! Let the baby watch as long as it wants. Even a few minutes will do. Do it as often as possible.

At home, have a Chess board around, and occasionally just show the baby the different pieces, and mention their names. Do it a few times a day. This is a good start for a baby, to get acquainted with the Chess pieces.

When your child is ready (and the parents know best!), you can show him how to move the pieces. A little bit a day will do. Make sure that the child spends some time around Chess players and gets the opportunity to watch some games.

For school age children, the best thing to do is to sit with them, explain the game and play with them. If you don't enjoy Chess or don't know how to play, you can find a teacher, or a Chess club that accommodates children.

Here is a special word about girls and Chess: some of the best chess players are girls! Just look at the sisters Polgar, and many other female chess players. If you have a girl, encourage her to play chess, it is a most beneficial activity for girls, as well as boys.

There are many Chess computer games on the market, starting from very affordable programs, like Chessmaster, and up to very expensive software and dedicated Chess computers. They are all fine, but remember - when your child plays with human beings, he learns much more and enjoys himself a lot more. It is a completely different experience. So take my advice, let your child play with other children, or even adults. Computer games can be a good addition.

A good place to start is the Chess Federation of your country. Here, in the US, we are lucky to have a very active Chess federation, and many Chess activities for young children. Here are some helpful links and resources:

www.uschess.org/beginners - Ten Tips for Winning Chess

www.uschess.org - The US Chess Federation

www.fide.com - The World Chess Federation

For the last 26 years, Esther Andrews has studied, researched and practiced the ways to develop a child's intelligence. She also served as the principal of the School for Gifted Education. As a result of this experience, she developed her own method and philosophy, that proved to be extremely successful with her own 2 highly gifted children. In her web site, http://www.all-gifted-children.com , she helps parents develop their child's genius, and provide for their kids the opportunity to achieve their maximum potential.

A Dads Thoughts On Dads Day

2009-02-07T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Lee Wise

21 Reasons I Love Being A Dad

What you will read in the next five to eight minutes will not qualify as one of the top ten professionally written articles of the year: guaranteed.

But you will read this, guaranteed: thoughts created on Father's Day from a guy who loves being a dad.

21 REASONS I LOVE BEING A DAD... AND AN OLDER ONE AT THAT

I love the privilege of seeking to inspire, encourage and help my children.

I love loving their mother.

I love the home movies I experience. The live ones. The in house "reality shows" if you please. Kids raggin' on each other, telling mom and dad stories one more time, hugs at the door, serious discussions begun spontaneously, phone calls to say "Hi, I love you," and small hands pressed on a glass door to see the wonder of all wonders: the neighbor's black cat.

I love happy birthday songs: songs sung in love and received the same way -- in love.

I love watching my kids with their kids.

I love the smiles of children and grandchildren.

I love good memories, family pictures on the walls, and cards from "Father's Days past."

I love the journey of growing with my children.

I love helping when I can and hurting when I can't. No, I don't enjoy the pain. It's the honor of trying to help because "I'm a dad" that I enjoy.

I love the privilege of praying for my children. I have the distinct honor of joining the heart of God with the needs, desires and dreams of my children.

I love being able to say, "Forgive me" when needed.

I love hearing "Mammaw" sing songs to her grandchildren.

I love being called "Pap."

I love sharing the lives of the kids with their mother.

I love watching the joy in the eyes of my wife as she talks on the phone with her children. (A *very* frequent event in our home I might add!)

I love giving the grandkids back to my kids just about the moment I think I'm going under (or moments thereafter!).

I love hearing the laughter of family in the other room.

I love being a friend as well as being a dad.

I love being a father-in-law.

I love memories of my dad loving me.

I love being challenged by my wife's love for each child, grandchild, and son-in-law.

DID I MENTION...

I love being a dad?!

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Mailing Lists Without Limits - From AWeber! E-mail follow up, ad tracking,& real-time stats --> http://lee.aweber.com

About The Author

Lee writes family-friendly article and is the author and publisher of two ezines. Persmission is given to freely distribute the article. The copyright and resource box must be included.

Lee@hope-for-daily-living.com

Busy Moms Surf The Net

2009-02-06T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Mila Sidman

When our parents had us they probably went to close friends and relatives for information on parenting and help finding the resources they needed for their family. Or often times they used the library.

Today, times have changed. People are busy, there's very little time to call and chat to family and friends when you need a recommendation for a product or information on baby teething. So what do busy moms do?

They surf the net of course, and thank goodness for the flexibility the internet allows us moms. Whether you're a stay at home mom, go out to work or work from home the internet can be a moms best friend and helper when it comes to information.

There are sites out there ranging from health information to what's the best stroller to buy for your baby. If you need it, you'll find it on the net.

Plus the convenience of being able to shop online without having to brave the department stores or supermarket with a newborn and a toddler is priceless. You can buy anything from baby clothes to bread and milk online all conveniently from your home.

However, there are a few things you should look for when surfing the net for quality family friendly sites.

Look for experience. Find sites which are written by other parents and include a variety of views and articles from a range of different parenting perspectives and backgrounds. If you're taking advice from someone it helps if they've "been there and done that".

Don't ever pay upfront for information, there are many good sites on the internet which provide quality information for free. Sure there are times when paying for a product is necessary but often times you can find information and help for free.

Look for sites which provide extra support and help. Many sites offer family friendly newsletters with free tips and advice on parenting and family related issues. A good site will provide support and care about their visitors by providing quality information and resources.

Find sites which provide unbiased product reviews and recommendations. You can usually tell this by reading the review. You can usually sense the excitement a person feels when recommending a good product. Reviews which include honest opinions such as criticisms and are written by a variety of different people are usually the real thing too.

Find family friendly product reviews, information and support from a variety of different moms from all walks of life at Moms Talk Network. Join us, it's Free!

How To Get Teens To Listen To What You Say

2009-02-05T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Judy H. Wright

"Idunno" becomes the answer of choice for children from ages 14 to 18. You would almost wonder if perhaps they had lost the power of speech, but somehow they can communicate when they want something.

Most teens in a recent study indicated that they want to spend more time with their families and are grateful when their parents care enough to make the effort. However, from a parent's view point, the effort is frequently met with a cold shoulder, blank look or the ever ready shrug of the shoulder."

Parents get frustrated

There are a number of tough subjects that simply must be discussed in a rational, calm and cooperative setting. For instance; school, drinking, drugs, guns, violence, curfews, chores and attitudes are all necessary dialogs that need both sides to share in and listen to. Parents become frustrated and angry and tend to set down the rules, standards and consequences without discussion. If the only time your family talks is when there is a crisis, it will be hard to have cooperation and respect, both of which are necessary to build a true and lasting relationship. It is only through regular calm and open family dialog that parents get to know what their teens are feeling and teens get to know where their parents stand on issues.

Don't lecture, listen

This is the time in their lives when they are learning to be independent. When you are always ready with advice and answers to problems, you are training them to be dependent on you. You can assist young adults in brainstorming alternative solutions, without sarcasm, nagging or ridicule. If the problem is the child's, then allow her to solve it. It is only your problem when the behavior interferes with you. Express confidence to the young adult through words, gestures, and tone of voice.

Create teachable moments

Teens communicate best with food in front of them or when they don't have to look you straight in the eye. Use drive time to bring up subjects without being judgmental or trying to pry. If you see an incident of violence on TV, you may want to ask your child what they think. You then may offer different ways of solving problems. Play "What-if" and don't be surprised at their answers.

It takes a village to raise a child

If you are having difficulty communicating, be patient and enlist the assistance of other caring adults who want the best for your child. Encourage her to find a mentor and friend such as a grandparent, coach, teacher, clergy or older relative. Teens should not rely solely on their peers for important information, conversation, guidance and advice. They need you in their lives, so keep talking. Even though they say "Idunno", they do know you love and care about them. So, hug them when they will let you and most of all, listen to what they have to say, especially when they say, "I love you."

© Judy H. Wright, parent educator and author
www.ArtichokePress.com

This article is written by Judy H. Wright, parent educator and author. Please contact her at Judy@ArtichokePress.com for permission to use in your publications. For a full listing of books, workshops, tele-classes and other articles, please see http://www.ArtichokePress.com or http://www.ClubMom.com

21 Reasons To Send A Child A Greeting Card

2009-02-05T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Nicole M. Bandes

When was the last time you saw the face of a child light up and glow because they got a piece of mail with their name on it? Children love to get mail. My children, even at 10 years of age, run to the door and ask if they got any mail today. It doesn't even matter if it is junk mail. They just like to get anything with their names on it. Of course, it means that much more if there is a special reason for the mail.

Sending letters or greeting cards is a good way to foster a love of communication and writing in children. In our society, instant messaging, text messaging, and short emails have all but killed the art of good communication. Studies indicate that the more a child reads, the smarter they are. However, it can often be difficult to get some children to read due to lack of interest. I bet there isn't a child around that wouldn't be interested in reading a card or letter addressed to them from someone they care about. And, of course, if a child is raised to expect that letters and greeting cards are a regular occurrence, they are more likely to become better communicators themselves.

So take some time and send a greeting card to a child in your life. Here are just a handful of reasons you can use to send a greeting card to a child you know and help to make their day that much brighter.

1. They got an A on a test or report card. Make the joy of doing well last just a little longer.
2. They said, "Please".
3. It's their birthday, Valentine's Day, Easter, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, etc
4. They were well-behaved.
5. They did something special for someone (even if it wasn't you). It helps to foster the trait of good will when they get some feedback for what they have done.
6. They helped with dinner.
7. Just to say, "I appreciate you". Do they really know how valuable they are to you?
8. They said, "Thank you".
9. Just to say, "You're Special".
10. They did a great job on their chores. Rewards for a job well done encourage more of the same.
11. Because you haven't seen them and want them to know you miss them.
12. Say thanks for being my ...(son, daughter, grandchild, niece, nephew, friend, etc).
13. They made the honor roll.
14. They helped in the yard.
15. Remind them of an exciting event that is coming up.
16. Remind them of a neat experience you had together.
17. Tell them something special about yourself.
18. Tell them something special about someone you both know.
19. Share a joke you just heard.
20. They brought home a warm fuzzy note from the teacher.
21. Just to say you love them. Do you really need any more of a reason than that?

Will you be taking just a few minutes out of your busy schedule today to foster the emotional and mental development of a child in your life? I know I will.

Are you ready to start building relationships with your customers, family members and friends? Would you like to know how you can do this easily by sending greeting cards directly from your computer? Nicole Bandes is now offering a unique tool to save time and money while building valuable relationships. Try it for free by visiting http://www.clicktosendcards.com or visit my blog http://www.mailcards4me.com to read more about greeting cards.

Getting To Know Your Baby Babys Ninth Month Guide

2009-02-04T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Michelle Higgins

It has been nine months since you first held your bundle of joy in your hands! However the once squirming bundle has undergone a dramatic change. For one, it is no longer squirming but almost running! Welcome to your baby's ninth month.

Look mamma I can stand

In baby's ninth month, he is getting closer to walking all by himself. He can crawl up the stairs (dangerous!) and is cruising too. Your baby at this stage is trying to learn how to stand up from a sitting position. You might be amused to see your nine month-old baby standing for a long time, tiring himself out but unable to sit from this position. A few babies might even start walking at nine months. Mobile walkers are not very safe for baby. You might want to consider exersaucers or stationary walkers instead.

One, two, buckle my shoe?

Not yet. Walking bare foot helps your baby get a better grip of the ground. Besides, it gives her first hand information on the texture of various surfaces and helps the learning process. Baby shoes look cute and you want to go out and buy every pair for your nine month-old baby, but resist the temptation to do so until she starts walking outdoors.

Play with me!

In baby's ninth month, he loves to play interactive games with you. He is now an expert at reaching out and grabbing things. He hates it when something is taken away from his hands. Roll a toy car towards him, stack rings or build block towers with him and watch his eyes light up.

"Da-da Ma-ma"

How soon your baby talks, depends on a number of factors including her environment and her general predisposition. A great majority of babies who start talking as late as three years have normal intelligence. So don't worry if your nine month-old baby seems quieter than his peers. (Babies must not be compared anyway). Keep talking a lot to your baby and sooner or later, she will talk to you too.

Watch out, here I come

Your nine month-old baby is naturally curious about his surroundings and this is a crucial time to avoid accidents. Supervise your baby all the time especially if she is very resourceful. If you have not childproofed your house already, now is the time to act. Do pay special attention to avoid drowning hazards and electrical accidents. Protect your baby from being injured by sharp corners and remove all unstable furniture from the room. Install childproof locks on cabinets and doors and put up barrier gates at the stairs. Keep an emergency rescue number handy just in case.

Who is that?

Baby's ninth month is a time when she develops preferences for toys.and people. She does not like strangers handling her and wants mamma around her all the time. Never force your baby to interact with strangers. Give her a little time to warm up and she will surprise you by eventually getting over her stranger anxiety all by herself.

Visit the doctor regularly for well-baby exams and keep baby's immunization record up to date. A healthy baby is a happy baby.

* About the author *

This article has been provided by ParentingSurvivalGuide.com.

Please visit our web site at http://www.ParentingSurvivalGuide.com to discover more articles.

This article may be freely republished for noncommercial use as long as the article, including the author information and this reprint policy statement, is republished in its entirety, unedited, and with all links working.

What Are The Factors That Can Rule Out The Presence Of Adhd

2009-02-03T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by George Gallegos

What are the Factors that can Rule Out the Presence of ADHD?

By George Gallegos, Ph.D. www.youADDitup.com

According to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-IV, ADHD is a disorder that first presents in childhood usually observed before the age of seven years in a child. It is characterized by developmentally inappropriate levels of inattention, distractibility, impulsivity, and/or hyperactivity. Impairment is realized in one or more major life areas typically in the home, in the classroom, in social interactions, in occupational settings, or other areas of adaptive functioning. The symptom list goes on to describe a variety of interferences that can be presented with ADHD that can easily disrupt performance, learning, and behavior in any child. Curiously, the symptom description fails to specify the amount or severity of symptoms with the exception that the interference must exceed normal developmental levels evident in children. As a result, parents and professionals alike are left with the challenge of distinguishing excessive ADHD symptoms from those that are normal for a child's specific level of development.

Good practice demands that an ADHD evaluation include the gathering of multiple types of information from a variety of sources. A simultaneous effort must be made to rule out as many alternative disorders that can present with similar attention and performance difficulties. This could include but not be limited to the impairments observed in learning disabilities, developmental delays in younger children, sensory regulation dysfunction, mood difficulties and depression, anxiety, as well as basic low motivational effort. These alternative disruptions will easily and predictably interfere with a child's optimal performance and learning in the classroom. However, distinguishing these interferences in the classroom remains a challenge for teachers and professionals especially when attention deficits are characteristic of a variety of interfering disorders.

As a child psychologist, I realize this professional challenge every time I begin a new ADHD evaluation for a presented child. I will then lament the absence of an accurate and objective evaluation for ADHD that can effectively distinguish inattention from alternative interfering conditions. On occasion, I will be fortunate to learn crucial information about the presenting child that I have come to recognize as "Rule Outs" of ADHD. While these Rule Out factors are not necessarily absolute in their distinguishing ability, they usually increase my potential of accurately diagnosing ADHD.

Age of onset is one of these differential diagnostic factors. The presence of ADHD can be recognized at least by the age of seven in a child. Generally by this age, a child has developed in multiple areas including cognitive, social, emotional, behavioral, and physical so as to allow them to meet the majority of routine expectations held for that student in the classroom. The same cannot be said for five year old children who may still be developing their ability to self regulate attention and activity level so as to facilitate learning in the kindergarten classroom. My comfort level in attempting ADHD evaluations is substantially improved when the identified child is at least six years of age. By this chronological age, I can more accurately use my clinical expertise and judgment to determine when activity and inattention is observed beyond expected developmental levels.

I use a related Rule Out factor whenever I evaluate students who are somewhat older in age. Recently, I evaluated a fifth grade girl referred due to her lower academic achievement and difficulty attending specifically in the area of Math. Her absence of inattentive symptoms or concerns during earlier elementary years cast serious doubt on a possible ADHD diagnostic. Not only was there an absence of earlier ADHD concerns, but this student enjoyed excellent academic achievement and performance in all prior elementary years. Unfortunately, her math performance began to show degradation as she progressed in curriculum involving higher abstraction in concepts and problem solving. In my opinion, increased academic challenge will predictably generate higher levels of inattention and poor task engagement in students and cannot be recognized as the neurological impairment of ADHD.

Rule Out factors are critical when considering any child for ADHD. Specifically, children should show evidence of ADHD by age seven and the symptoms can not be confused with delayed child development. ADHD symptom interference should be recognized by classroom teachers in every elementary grade without fail, and the interference should be evidenced in every academic area. This suggests that an ADHD student will show some amount of impaired attention in all subjects and activities. And finally, ADHD interference will not suddenly present in fourth or fifth grade correspondent with the increasing curriculum demands in elementary school. In the current example, a student who demonstrates developmentally appropriate ability to sustain task engagement early in elementary school will not lose this ability in later grades. More accurately, learning weaknesses or motivational problems frequently present in students struggling with the progressive academic demands in the classroom. These students will almost certainly have trouble keeping focused and attentive to their assigned work.

These Rule Out factors are certainly useful in arriving at an accurate diagnosis of ADHD in any child or student. Although such Rule Out factors can reasonably dismiss the diagnosis of ADHD, such factors are largely suggestive rather than absolute in making this diagnostic determination. The non-specific descriptive criteria of ADHD (DSM-IV) in combination with the lack of objective ADHD testing will continue to set the stage for significant clinical judgment contributing to its final diagnosis. While there are numerous factors and indicators that will support an accurate diagnosis of ADHD, there are numerous variant presentations of this disorder that must be considered either to diagnose or rule out this disorder.

I am a child psychologist recently retired from the public school district. I continue to maintain a private practice devoted to the assessment of ADHD in children. I have recently developed a parent questionnaire that helps parents decide whether to pursue a formal ADHD evaluation for their child. This questionnaire can be viewed at http://www.youadditup.com

When A Parent Has Weight Loss Surgery Building Better Body Image In Our Children

2009-02-03T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Kaye Bailey

One of the biggest mental struggles we have, before and after weight loss surgery, is body image. It's not uncommon for a person to reach goal weight with WLS and upon receiving a compliment they say back, "Yeah, but my [fill in blank] is a real mess, ugly, still fat" etc. Have you heard yourself respond that way to a compliment? It is a painful challenge to nurture a healthy body image because often a negative body image originates in childhood.

I recently learned of a 9-year-old girl who refuses to wear her coat this winter. Why? "It makes me look fat." She is not alone. According to Linda Smolak a psychologist and Kenyon College 40% of elementary school girls and 25% of elementary school boys report dissatisfaction with their bodies. Dr. Smolak said, "These unhappy and self-conscious kids report more frequent feelings of depression, insecurity and anxiety."

That describes how I often felt as an overweight child and teen. Can you relate?

It occurred to me that while I work on my body image perhaps it would be a valuable time to actively engage in encouraging the young people I know to accept their bodies. Perhaps if I modeled positive habits for them they may be spared years of torment and insecurity.

Prevention Magazine suggests these ways to instill a healthy body image in children:

Uncover media myths: Media images present an unrealistic message about what is beautiful and desirable. Adults should look for opportunities to explain that ultra thin young actresses or super muscular athletes are not realistic for most of us. Focus on healthy eating and active living.

Give Alternatives: When hearing children criticize someone's body as fat adults should respond by explaining that although overweight can be unhealthy "dieting" usually isn't the solution. A solution to build a healthy body is eating nutritious foods and being physically active each day.

Listen to yourself: It has been said children learn not from what you say but what you do. Listen to yourself - are you saying "I look fat today" or "My thighs are enormous" or "Look at this ugly excess skin"? Children have observed our weight loss, probably with great curiosity. If we can learn to say, "Wow! I love the power of my healthy weight body" or "This healthy dinner was just the ticket to boost my energy" then we are sending a positive message. Healthy bodies are good. Rather than focus on the flaws we are celebrating good health. And so may our children.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we became the last generation of self-loathing people? We can do it, one child at a time.

An award winning journalist and former newspaper editor Kaye Bailey brings expertise in writing and personal experience with gastric bypass surgery to EzineArticles.com. Kaye Bailey is the founder of LivingAfterWLS, an online market driven social space evoking feelings of comfort, understanding, knowledge, warmth, acceptance, trust and happiness.
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10 Signs That Your Teen Is Using Drugs

2009-02-02T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Nicole Brownfield

Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17 report that obtaining marijuana is "easy or fairly easy?" Or that 25% of youths between 12 and 17 say the same of crack?

When children start using drugs they usually exhibit many different signs that parents need to watch out for. Unfortunately, many parents often write-off these signs as normal adolescent behavior and as a result they don't realize that their child is into drugs until it is too late. How can you as a parent know for sure whether or not your child is in danger of falling into drugs? Know that every child is in danger of this. Parents who fail to recognize this will stay in this state of denial till their son or daughter is arrested or overdoses -- and by then it is too late. So what should you as parents be looking for as signs that your child is experimenting with drugs or alcohol?

* Dramatic changes in attitude or personality.
* New friends who may exert peer pressure on your child.
* Problems at school, such as falling grades or increased tardiness.
* Increased withdrawal, depression, or secretiveness.
* Changes in sleep patterns.
* Increased or decreased appetite.
* Dilated, red, or glossy eyes.
* Escalating verbal or physical abuse. * Dramatic mood swings.
* Need for additional money.

Drug use can lead to a host of significant health, social, learning and behavioral problems at a crucial time in a young person's development. Getting high also impairs judgment, leading to risky decision making on issues like sex, criminal activity or riding with someone who is driving high.

If you believe that your child may be using alcohol or drugs, don't overreact. Some of the warning signs listed above may be normal for your teen and some signs may have other causes. One cannot ignore the reality of teenage drug and alcohol abuse, however, so the presence of three or more of these warning signs should prompt a discussion with your teen and an evaluation of whether professional help is needed. For more advice, or to locate the right treatment facility for you, contact your pediatrician or call the Center for Substance Abuse Referral Help line at 1-800-662-HELP.

Nicole Brownfield
I hope you found this article both informative and enjoyable. Please feel free to contact me with questions or comments at: jnb8788@aol.com

Understanding A Childs Beliefs Nuturing Young Beliefs

2009-02-01T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Stuart Malkin

Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until their view becomes jaded through doctrinal or extremist teachings. But if they are nurtured and encouraged to live under the umbrella of Right Action, then there is a bright future for their Spiritual development. Their lives can unfold into understanding, compassion, warmth and beauty. These are the duties of all family and all friends. Empowerment.

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child specifies Religious and Spiritual rights. And even if it was not so specified, we owe them the right to freedom of choice.

In early California (1892), at Stanford University, Earl Barnes, a professor of Education, conducted a study. He wanted to document the belief systems of children. Here are some of the findings:

~ Young children spoke of God as able to do anything, as being everywhere and knowing everything.

~ "God can see everything you do and hear everything you say, even if you are inside a house."

~ Heaven, as described by the children, is an improved earth.

~ Children say there is little dark... terror is unknown. The Spirit world is a beautiful playground.

~ Children believe that God is a serious form of father ("daddy" or "papa").

We are the ones, as parents and role models, that contaminate the innocence of childhood with our overheard words and observed actions. How much better we would all be if adults were sensitive to the inborn belief systems of our children. That does not mean that religion should not be taught, but it does mean that Spirituality should not be dampened.

Abstracted from the book "Empowering Children." If you want to read more, see:

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/description.asp?ISBN=0-7414-2331-6

Dr. Malkin holds a B.Sc. in Business and a Masters and Ph.D. in Religion. He has made hundreds of visits to schools with a moving and effective motivational presentation, urging teens to do their personal best. His mentoring programs have empowered many, many children. His quest for years has been to teach the power of Right Action, working towards the goal of a better world.

Picky Eaters Successful Strategies Part 1

2009-02-01T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Jason Katzenback

What is in a name?

The answer is everything!

Jo J. of Victoria, Texas said that her son was a very picky eater between the ages of four and six and refused to eat many of the dishes she made, until she discovered the art of renaming recipes.

"One evening I discovered that he would eat ANYTHING he thought might be on the diet of the characters of his favorite TV show at the time, 'The Young Riders.' Oh, yeah," Jo says, "The Kid's Beans, Teaspoon's Favorite Casserole, Young Riders' Skillet, and many others became sudden favorites of my picky eater son. To this day, he still enjoys dishes that were once refused simply because of inventive renaming!"

While most adults and some children look forward to new food experiences, understand and accept that your picky eater will look forward to eating the same foods over and over again. This often gives them a sense of comfort and security, which is generally not hazardous to their health unless it is sugar or sodium laden.

Studies have shown that repeated exposure to foods greatly increases the likelihood even a picky eater child will eat it. Some experts feelthat new food has to be offered anywhere from 8 to 18 times before it is acceptable. You can prepare the food in different ways, but offer it on a consistent basis, especially when your picky eater child will be the hungriest. Offering food as part of a nutrition activity or snack may make it more interesting. Also seeing other children sample foods may encourage a picky eater to become more adventurous.

If you know in advance that one or more of the food choices will be met with howls of disgust, have something else available that your picky eater will find pleasing to his or her palate. Encourage your picky child to taste one of the "repulsive" foods before chowing down on one of the more desirable ones, but do not be offended if he or she refuses.

Sherry P. from Miami, Oklahoma is a daycare provider and has been working with children for almost 40 years. One of the ways she encourages her young charges to eat more vegetables is to let each child take turns at picking one each day. "Of course I limit the choices to two or three say corn, peas, or green beans," she advises. "That way they feel like they have some control over what they eat. I also give them some choices that they can say 'no' to such as pickles or salads.

Being able to have a say in what they eat seems to help." Sherry also adds more fruit to their diet by adding it to Jell-O, which they really seem to like. "Another thing that I do is to use meal times as a time to talk with each other. I ask the kids about things that are going on in their lives and they do not even notice what they are eating," she says.

Often, parents worry that if they do not prepare the specific foods that their picky eater children like to eat, they will wither away. However, Dr. Karen Sadler, a pediatrician in Boston, MA, and panel expert at the Baby Zone (www.babyzone.com), says that hunger is a powerful drive and young children will not starve themselves to the point of danger. To help promote a lifetime of better eating habits, she makes the following recommendations:

Offer your picky eater child a few nutritious food choices at the dinner table. What is not eaten in 20 minutes can be wrapped up and offered as a later snack. Give your child the power to choose, but from among healthy choices, berries or orange wedges, for example.

For more great picky eater advice, tips and even some great tasting, easy to prepare picky eater recipes... visit http://www.mypickyeater.com

Learn step-by-step how to successfully cope with Picky Eaters with Help There is a Picky Eater in The House! Get Proven Strategies and Great Picky Eater Recipes that are Guaranteed to Help.

The Value Of Jigsaw Puzzles For Very Young Children

2009-01-31T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Barbara White

Jigsaw puzzles have a lot of educational value for children of all ages. This is because to do a jigsaw requires a child to use several different aspects of the thinking process.

A baby learns to recognize objects by their shape and not necessarily what position the object is in. A chair is a chair whether it is upright, lying down, or upside down-it doesn't matter. The simple puzzles produced for younger children develop more refined and defined skills and recognition.

One of the first things a young child will learn is that it does matter which way up the pieces to fit in the hole. A typical early childhood puzzle is wooden with a picture and has spaces where the pieces fit to complete the picture. With a street scene, for example, there might be a separate car shape, bus shape, and a truck shape that complete a puzzle. These puzzles are typically robust as the first response of a child is to try to force the piece into place taking no notice of its shape. With adult guidance the young child learns to manipulate the piece until it does fit exactly.

There are several learning experiences that can be drawn from these very basic puzzles. Firstly it's the hand eye coordination to manipulate the puzzle piece into position. To get the piece in also involves observation of the shape of the hole and the shape of the puzzle piece. At first the child deals with the problem by trial and error. The example and guidance of an adult begins to solidify the thinking process. The child starts to apply spatial awareness and mental manipulation as well as physical. This comes however, after the child has learned to put the piece in correctly through trial and error and memory.

The role of the adult at this stage is very important. The conversation about the picture, talking and demonstrating the correct method to complete it, accelerates the child's learning process. Puzzles can create a great opportunity for increase in vocabulary, and recognition of objects and situations outside the child's immediate world. The fact that the child learns that the piece only fits one way is in fact a pre reading skill. A letter needs to be the right way up and not backwards or upside down in a word.

These early childhood puzzles can be purchased in varying degrees of difficulty as the child's spatial and reasoning skills become more developed. The child also learns through puzzles the recognition of color and shape with, of course, adult conversation increasing the potential of the child's understanding and development. The green shape only fits in the green hole. This type of matching activity develops early reading skills.

At this stage it is good to introduce a new puzzle and do it with the child at first. Make this a happy social time and lots of fun. Do the puzzles with the child long enough to maintain the child's interest and attention, but be ready to move on to another activity. Eventually when the child's dexterity and confidence has increased, he will want to do it by himself. With praise and encouragement the child will practice until the skills become familiar. Then is the time to introduce puzzles with greater challenge.

Puzzles help develop the reasoning and deduction process of thinking. As well as skills such as spatial awareness, matching and sorting. Above all, jigsaw puzzles present a great opportunity for language development and a happy social interaction with your child.

Barbara White, of Beyond Better Development, has over twenty years experience as a parent, teacher and Principal. Barbara offers presentations and workshops to teachers and parents on personality and learning styles The jigsaw puzzles for young children can be purchased at http://www.thepuzzlemania.com

Has Discipline In Your Household Gone To The Dogs

2009-01-31T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Andrea Patten

What happens to our thinking when we look at ideas and behaviors in other contexts? It can certainly add new dimensions to our outlook.

For example, when we think about 'discipline' and 'dogs' most of us think in terms of obedience training. "Sit. Stay."

How often have thought about what the family dog can teach you?

Many parents seem to have grown uncomfortable with their role as family leaders, perhaps not fully appreciating its importance. Always a comfort, the family dog may be able to help you here, too.

Dogs have strong instincts about rules, order and etiquette as they relate to preserving the pack. So, for example, when a new puppy tries to take its place within a family, an older dog will make clear the rules and boundaries.

There are lots of rules. Puppies learn them all quickly. "Here's where you can sleep. I greet the humans first. You get the second cookie and that's my squeaky toy you can never, ever touch it." The consequences for messing up? The alpha voices his or her disapproval with loud, dramatic barking and growling and an occasional bite for the one who just doesn't 'get it.'

Alphas can have different styles but have much in common:

1) They don't nag their 'word' (or look or growl) is law. Punishment for disobeying is swift and sure.

2) Alphas don't feel guilty! They know that the survival of the pack rests squarely on their ability to teach their pups proper behavior.

3) Alpha dogs do not need the pups' approval. They've got a job to do and they don't seem to care who likes or approves of them while they're getting it done.

4) Discipline takes a variety of forms sometimes it's loud and dramatic, sometimes it's a 'time out' away from the rest of the pack. sometimes it's just that raised eyebrow to remind the offending youngster of previous go-rounds.

5) They are fair. The intensity of the correction always matches the offense.

Families need strong, fair leadership. Kids need to know what the boundaries are and that there are consequences for violating them. And while I surely don't advocate turning family management over to our beloved pets, there's a lot they can teach us.

Andrea Patten is the co-author of What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement now available on Amazon.com

To find out more about The Four Foundations of Adult Achievement please visit http://www.whatkidsneedtosucceed.com

If you'd like to learn about other projects or explore the possibility of having Andrea speak to your group go to http://www.andreapatten.com

She can also be reached by e-mail andrea@whatkidsneedtosucceed.com

"You're not raising a child, you're raising a future adult!"

Simple Trick To Avoid Power Struggles With Your Child

2009-01-30T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Karen Alonge

Avoid power struggles by telling your child what YOU are going to do rather than demanding, ordering or yelling at them about what THEY should and shouldn't be doing.

Here's how to invite a power struggle:

Sam, pick up those blocks this instant!

Sam, with his blossoming need for autonomy, naturally bristles at being ordered around. He takes a defiant stand by saying NO. You decide to force compliance by using some form of intimidation. He calls your bluff, and next thing you know you've locked horns like rutting rams ... stuck together with no graceful exit for either of you. It's what happens when a parent tries to control his child's body and/or choices.

Thankfully, there is another way:

Sam, it's clean up time now. If there are any toys still left on the floor when this timer goes off in 5 minutes, I'll be picking them up myself and putting them away on a high shelf in the garage for awhile.

This statement leaves Sam with nothing to argue with, and there's no need for you to attempt intimidation tactics to force compliance. You're okay with whatever he chooses. In fact, if you're like me, you kinda hope he chooses to let you do it, because you wouldn't mind seeing a few less toys around the house!

You control your own body and choices. He controls his.

Power struggle averted.

Karen Alonge is an intuitive life coach and parenting consultant with 20 years of experience helping families with all types of challenges. She offers consultations by phone, email, and IM. Clients often notice dramatic changes in their daily experience after only one session. Please visit http://www.karenalonge.com for more information.

Three Surefire Ways To Teach Your Child About Safety

2009-01-30T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Michelle Annese

Levels of Safety

By teaching our children there are different levels of safety and those levels depend on the situation they are in and the decisions they make in those situations, we can better train them to use their instincts, intuition, and even fear as safety tools. This is an easy way to explain to our children how to trust these instincts.

"Every time we travel through a busy intersection, there are traffic lights there to tell us if it is safe to pass through. If the light is green, that tells us it is safe to pass, if the light is yellow that means we must use caution and to be careful and to prepare to stop. If the light turns red, that means danger and do not proceed or you may become hurt in an accident.

We can use these same lights, instead of traffic lights, as safety lights, to know when we are safe, to use caution, or to let us know we are in personal danger.

If our safety light is green.. This means we are safe and everything is normal.

If our safety light turns yellow..This means that our intuition, instincts, or our gut feeling is telling us something is wrong!

If your safety light turns red..This means we are in immediate danger and have to act fast.

We have to train ourselves to recognize different situations we are in and be aware when that situation makes our safety light change from green to yellow or to red.

When our safety light turns yellow this is the time to slow down listen to our little voice inside of us called intuition, think about the situation we are in, and what is the best course of action to take to keep us safe and return us to a green light. For example,

We are swimming and we notice that the water is really deep and we are becoming tired...we should return to the shallow water and take a break, which would return us to our green light. But if we continue to swim in the deep water, we may become tired and find our self in a dangerous, red light situation.

Our head is beginning to hurt and mom is a sleep instead of waking and asking her for some medicine, we look in the medicine cabinet and find what appears to be the aspirin she normally gives us and we take it. This is defiantly a red light situation, because you could be taking the wrong medicine and become very sick. But if you had just woke mom up and told her you had a headache, you would have stayed safely in the green light.

Someone knocks on the door of your house. Anytime this happens, as a child you need to understand that this is a yellow safety light and you need to proceed with caution. First you never open the door unless you and your parents personally know the person. Like a friend of the family or a neighbor. If you do not know the person, which means have you never seen your parents speak to this person, you never open the door. Even if they say they are a policeman, fireman, or repairman. The decision that you should make to put yourself in the green light, would be to go find your parents and let them open the door. If you open the door, you could be putting yourself in a red light dangerous situation. If your parents are not home you should never, never, open the door for anyone. This is always a safety red light.

A person at school that is known to be a bully is standing at the end of the play ground. Knowing this your safety light immediately turns yellow. If you avoid that end of the playground your light will return to green, if you go to that end of the playground you may find your self in a safety red light.

By being aware of our surroundings and making smart decisions when we are in our yellow caution light, we can get back to our green safe light and avoid the red danger light.

Remember, it is OK to be afraid when our safety light turns yellow. Fear is what helps our intuition and instincts work. We should always trust our instincts and listen to our little voice inside. Remember, our little voice is always right."

Parents, by arming our children with mental safety so they can make quick, safe decisions, it gives them the confidence and focus to handle any type of situation and safeguard them for the future.

Michelle Annese is a 3rd degree black belt specializing in self defense classes and seminars for women and children. For more information on how to protect your child from strangers, bullies, and build them up with kid power and confidence go to http://www.michelleannese.com and check out other safety articles and sign up for a free safety tips e-newsletter.

Vehicle Safety Following Simple Vehicle Safety Tips Can Reduce Auto Accidents And Injuries

2009-01-29T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Derrick Pizur

Child Car Seat Safety:

We know you love your children, but so many people do not follow these simple car seat safety principles. By following these easy steps you can ensure your child is completely safe in your car. Just to get one thing straight, there is no one best child car safety seat. The best car safety seat is determined by various factors that you as the parent need to take into consideration. The seat needs to fit your child's height and weight, as well as be able to fit properly in your car.

Another common misconception is price. More expensive, does not always mean better quality or the seat is better safety wise.

The first step of proper car seat safety is of course determined by the age of your child. Any child that is under the age of twelve should be kept in the back seat of a vehicle. This is especially true if your car has passenger side air bags.

Infants should be in a rear facing car seat until they are at least one year old and twenty pounds. After they are twenty pounds they can be placed in a front facing car safety seat until they are around forty pounds or they have reached the maximum height recommended for the specific car safety seat in question.

Once a child reaches forty pounds, they should be placed on a belt positioning booster seat. The vehicle's normal seat belt should not be used until they are around eighty pounds or 4ft 9 inches tall.

As always read your car's owners manual as well and any manuals with the car safety seat.

Additional Car Safety Tips:

Most accidents that occur over a parent/child incident occur when a parent is trying to turn around and discipline their child. Think about it, you are taking you eyes as well as you mind off of the primary task at hand (driving) and exclusively focusing on your child who should be, and usually is behind you in the back seat of the vehicle.

To prevent this the best thing to do if you must discipline your child is to find a place to pull over and do so then, when you are not moving.

Child Safety is our primary concern, check out these FREE child safety related resources at Child Safety Booster Seats

Character Education

2009-01-28T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Brent Sitton

Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits. One way to supplement your child's character education is to act as a filter for the movies and television shows your child watches, and to review the books your child reads.

The following categories are modeled after "The Book of Virtues for Young People," an excellent book for children in its own right, written by William Bennett. When developing a curriculum of character education for your child, it's helpful to review each children's book, television show, and movie for both positive and negative examples of each of the ten virtues outlined in "The Book of Virtues for Young People." The stronger the message, the more it will contribute to your child's character education.

Following are some ways in which the virtues can manifest as character traits in children's books, movies, and in television shows:

Self-Discipline: A character discusses his feelings of anger rather than impulsively striking out. Or, a character gets his chores done before he goes out to play.

Compassion: A character understands the pain or suffering of a friend, and steps in to help, even when it means she can't attend the party she was looking forward to.

Responsibility: A character admits it was his baseball that broke the window, and offers to pay for a replacement. Or, a character keeps her promise to babysit her younger sister, even though she'd rather go to the movies with her friends.

Friendship: A character stands up for her friend in front of her peers, even though it's not popular. Or, a character befriends the class bully in an effort to get him to change his ways.

Work: A character approaches her job with a positive attitude, and does her very best even when her boss is being unfair. Or, a character makes up a game to get through an unpleasant task, and takes pride in her work even though it goes unnoticed.

Courage: A character is afraid of the raging waters, but takes the risk and dives in to save her family. Or, a character stands up for what he believes in, even though it's unpopular.

Perseverance: A character continues to strive to make the basketball team, even though he's a foot shorter than the other players. Or, a family works together to keep their home, even though the father has lost his job and the mother is ill.

Honesty: A character admits to himself that he isn't trying his hardest. Or, a character talks to an adult about a friend in trouble, even though the friend will get angry at her.

Loyalty: A character sticks with his losing soccer team in the hope of helping them become better, rather than joining a winning soccer team. Or, a character stays at her friend's side during a serious illness or hardship.

Faith: A character reaches out to God to help him in his time of need.

When evaluating character traits and virtues in kids' books, movies, and television shows, also look at negative behavioral influences. Ideally, these influences will be minimal. Consider, for example:

Violence: Does the character hurt himself, another person, or an animal through his words or actions, and does he act without remorse?

Profanity: Does the character use foul language, sexual language, or take God's name in vain?

Nudity: Does the movie, television show, or book show or describe suggestive styles of dress or partially clothed or nude characters?

Sexual Content: Do the characters engage in implied or overt sexual behavior, or do they engage in aberrant sexual behavior?

Drugs, Alcohol, and Tobacco: Do the characters use or abuse legal or illegal substances?

Scary Elements: Are the scenarios depicted gratuitously frightening?

Negative Behaviors: Does the character show disrespect to his parents? Or, does he neglect his homework? Or, does he frighten other children?

By evaluating both the positive character traits and negative behaviors of movies, television shows, and books, and selecting those that reinforce the values and virtues that are important to you, you'll go far in developing your child's character education.

Brent Sitton is the founder of DiscoveryJourney.com. DiscoveryJourney has a variety of tools available to parents to help promote a culture of reading in your household. Discovery Journey has compiled Children's Book Reviews of books that not only engage children, but also delight parents. Our children's book reviews identify character trait and child behavior issues in the book to discuss as a family. Each children's book review contains related fun and educational kid activity to enjoy as a family, inspiring the passion for learning and reading!

Parents Complaints Arrogant Public Schools Turn A Deaf Ear

2009-01-27T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Joel Turtel

School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation and participation in their children's education. They complain when parents don't show up for parent-teacher conferences or push their children to do their homework.

Yet this constant cry for parent cooperation is often a smoke screen pretense to make parents think they have some control over their children's education. In most cases, parents have no such control. Teachers and principals may placate parents or ask for their cooperation, but they rarely make the important changes parents ask for.

For example, most parents want their children to learn to do basic arithmetic without using calculators as a crutch. A poll by Public Agenda found that 86 percent of parents want students to learn arithmetic by hand before they use calculators. However, the math-teaching policy for most public schools today is that all children beginning in kindergarten have access to calculators at all times to do math problems.

Most school districts make important teaching-method or curriculum decisions in secret, without parents' knowledge or approval. A parent's only recourse is to complain to principals or school authorities after these authorities have dictated their curriculum or teaching methods, and the parent sees the damage to their children. Unfortunately, such complaints are often futile.

Most parents don't realize that school authorities don't want their opinion. Too often, school authorities ignore parents' suggestions or complaints because they truly believe they are the experts and parents are just annoying amateurs. As a result, some teachers, principals, or administrators feel insulted when parents make suggestions or complaints. Many school officials believe parents should not have any real input in their children's education. That is one reason why school authorities hold their committee meetings in secret.

Another reason is that school authorities fear that parents will complain about certain classes and curriculum subjects. For instance, many public schools have introduced classes and books about homosexuality into elementary and high-school sex-education classes. When parents find out about these classes, they frequently complain to the school principal and local politicians. To avoid these complaints, public schools often try to keep secret from parents what they teach in these sex-ed classes.

Moreover, teachers, principals, and school authorities don't have to listen to those amateur, irritating parents who complain that their kids can't read. Public-school employees get tenure after a few years. That means, in effect, that it's almost impossible to fire them, no matter how bad or even mediocre they are. If you couldn't be fired, would you care about parent's complaints? That's why they don't, and that's why public-school teachers or principals can be arrogant or indifferent to parent's legitimate complaints.

Parents, the solution is to stop hitting your head against the brick wall of arrogant public-school employees. Just walk around the wall and don't look back. That is, consider taking your children out of public school and find real education choice and control in the education free-market. Consider homeschooling or some of the many quality, low-cost, K-12 Internet private schools listed in the Resource section of "Public Schools, Public Menace."

Joel Turtel is an education policy analyst, and author of "Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public Schools Lie To Parents and Betray Our Children."

Contact Information:
Website: http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com,
Email: lbooksusa@aol.com,
Phone: 718-447-7348.

Article Copyrighted © 2005 by Joel Turtel.
NOTE: You may post this Article on an Ezine, newsletter, or other website only if you include Joel Turtel's complete contact information, and set up a hyperlink to Joel Turtel's email address and website URL, http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com

Helping Your Child With Sensory Needs Back To School

2009-01-26T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Christopher Auer

The lazy days of summer are slowly winding down as the new school year approaches. You may find yourself in need of some transitional activities or ideas to help your child with sensory processing disorder. Here are some suggestions:

Ask your child about what tangible type objects give her comfort. Or ask about what types of things he likes doing to feel more comfortable? Phrase questions as concretely as possible and also to your child's understanding. The object might be something like a soft, squeezable stuffed animal or a hand fidgit she can quietly manipulate when she feels over sensitized. It may be a chewable something like a straw, gum or rubbery object. Whatever "it" is listen to what your child is telling you he needs in order to feel more secure. You may find that you already have that something within your possession. If not, don't fret. You can be creative with your child in designing the "comfort item" at home with materials you already possess or going to your local discount retailer to obtain it at little extra cost.
Often choosing a few summer closing activities your child enjoys doing is a good way of transitioning to a new situation. Be creative with your child in choosing these and make it more fun by having the rule be that the activity has to be at little or no expense. Some of my favorites are: packing a picnic and taking a walk to a nearby park to have it. I have each child pick and help make at least one of their favorite foods from some "sensible" choices offered (this way I am more assured of them eating more healthfully). We also like going to a nearby horse stable that offers pony rides for $5 for as long as the kids can ride. This gives the children much needed work on balance and coordination as well as interaction with animals. Be creative and work together to come up with ideas!

For more ideas of transitional activities, I suggest talking together as a family to find out what everyone likes and dislikes. Try to come up with ideas that provide the most sensory need for the buck.

Christopher R. Auer, MA is the author of Parenting a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder: A Family Guide to Understanding and Supporting Your Sensory Sensitive Child (New Harbinger, 2006) Additional information at http://www.spdresources.com or email spdresources@comcast.net

5 Quick Parenting Tips To Help You Raise A Smarter Baby

2009-01-25T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Jennifer L. Wilson

Parents across the nation have discovered that by implementing a few fun and simple activities into their baby's daily routine have resulted in dramatically enhanced reading, writing, walking, and talking capabilities. The secret they say is to start early.

Parenting a baby these days is much more than feeding, changing and bathing. There are a few extra steps involved if you want your baby to get started on the right foot. Baby's little brains are like sponges, they are ready to soak up living and life skills from the moment they are born. It's the parent's job to give them all the wonderful stimulants they possibly can in order to give them a solid intellectual foundation to build upon as they grow.

For instance, playing music for your baby is a wonderful way to stimulate his mind. Many parenting magazines recommend playing lullabies for your baby at night, but what about the rest of the day? Babies enjoy music just as much as parents do. In fact, many parents find that the type of music they play directly affects their baby's mood.

Reading to your baby is a key factor in developing his speech and language capabilities. It is vital that you get in the habit of reading to your baby as often as possible. You should read interesting books with big bright pictures and a few long sentences so that he can begin developing speech patterns and vocabulary enunciation. Some parents even found that their baby enjoyed it when they read regular grown up type books as well. Babies enjoy the rhythmic sounds of their parent's voices as they read, even if there are no brightly colored pictures to look at.

Another very important point I must make about language and speech development is to speak to your baby in complete sentences. Try to speak to your baby as you would any other member of your family. Most parents don't think their baby will understand when they say, "It's almost dinner time, are you hungry?" But the fact of the matter is that babies are quite capable of understanding words as you speak to them, especially if you repeatedly say them as part of your daily routine.

Another extremely beneficial element to help your baby build a solid foundation is to teach him a few words to express himself using baby sign language. Yes, I know, your baby isn't deaf, but studies have shown that babies do indeed have the ability to use language to express their needs as early as 7 months old, they just don't have the motor skills to put their thoughts into words. Parents who teach their baby sign language enjoy communicating with their baby much earlier than waiting for them to learn to speak.

Just imagine, your baby will be able to tell you when he's hungry, tired or wants more food rather than you trying to guess what he needs. There are so many wonderful benefits to teaching your baby sign language; I can't possibly explain them all here. I have written an in-depth article about baby sign language here if you want to learn more about this extraordinary new communication technique.

My final parenting suggestion is to make sure he has age appropriate toys to play with in order to build and develop his fine motor skills. Make sure he has a wide variety of activities to keep his mind and his little hands busy. Babies love to explore all kinds of textures, colors, sizes and shapes. Be sure to give him small items, (not too small however) large items, soft and hard toys, noisy and quiet activities too. Here is a helpful parenting hint: sometimes the toys that are the most fun really aren't supposed to be toys at all.

Jennifer L. Wilson is a Childcare Specialist and author of the Bright Beginnings Baby Care Guide where she teaches parents how to give their baby a Smart Start from day one. She also provides parenting tips, baby care articles, news and resources at her website: BabyCareConnection.com.

Childrens Mistakes

2009-01-24T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Diane Overgard

Peter was a fisherman, originally named Simon, whom Jesus chose to be one of his followers. An impulsive personality, Peter was prone to making mistakes. Several of Peter's blunders are recorded in the Bible books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. He speaks without thinking, acts impulsively, and breaks promises. He sounds like any one of us! However, as we continue to read about his life, we see that Peter obviously learned from his mistakes. He goes on to become a recognized leader among Jesus' disciples. Jesus wasn't looking for a perfect person when he selected Peter, and he isn't looking for perfection in us or in our children. Jesus expects us to make mistakes, plenty of them, and then use those mistakes to learn what we need to lead our lives for him.

What is a parent to do about children's mistakes? It's a parent's role to take on an attitude that says, "Mistakes are opportunities to learn." We are to stop and understand why our children's mistakes have occurred, and then move forward.

It's not easy for parents to allow children to make mistakes. When our kids make mistakes, we feel inadequate. When we aren't able to control our child's behavior, we panic. If there is another adult within earshot, we are concerned about what they think about us as parents.

Some mistakes are easier than others to accept. When a toddler trips and falls down on the living room floor, that's OK; he's just learning to walk. Of course a first grader will mispronounce a word now and then; he's only learning to read. But how about a two year old throwing a temper tantrum? Am I able to say that she's learning to express her feelings? What about a teenager missing curfew? Am I able to say that she's in the process of learning responsibility?

Mistakes help kids learn skills they need for life: problem solving, negotiation, and resourcefulness. Let kids make mistakes! They will grow through opportunities to face a challenge, attempt a solution, sometimes feel failure, but eventually experience the satisfaction of a problem solved.

Diane Overgard, CFLE, has been involved in parent education and staff training, guiding parents and their children in active learning environments. As a Certified Family Life Educator, Diane's skill in combining child development theory with practical applications gives the why as well as the how of strengthening relationships. Find out how to book Family Impact for your church or home small groups by visiting http://www.familyimpact.net

My Sweet Little Valentine

2009-01-23T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Mehnaz Ansari

Valentine day has always been a special day in my life since Naseer, my husband proposed me to marry him a few years back. Since then, we never missed the chance of cherishing and celebrating every Valentine's Day. But this year we were neither together nor celebrating, yet it was very beautiful. I had the sweetest valentine with me this time and he was snuggled comfortably in to my arms. I am on my journey back home from the air show and am enjoying every moment of my valentine's day.

I have always loved taking challenges and am an ardent believer that a good homemaker can be a successful career woman as well. Therefore, this time while representing my company in the air show, I decided to take the plunge of proving myself to be an ideal mother and a good air show manager. I traveled alone with my four-month-old baby from Delhi- Bangalore and back. Mind you, it is quite an experience balancing home world with the corporate world. My onward journey on 4th Feb was still better because I had an escort provided by the airline to help me with my baby, baby bags and laptop. I managed through the two & half hour flight.

Air show went off well and today I am going back. It happens to be the Valentine's Day. But boarding the flight was more eventful than all my stay put together. My in laws arrived in the morning come to see off their grandson. I had been doing the balancing act since morning to pacify their traditional norms in between my corporate meetings. My son was holding on to me since he is too young to recognize his grandparents and hotel had messed up with the bills. I finally packed up and left the hotel. I had very little time to catch the flight and the driver was trying his best to beat the heavy traffic of Bangalore and reach the airport on time. I just managed to get boarding pass ten minutes before the flight was to take off. I literally begged the airline this time to provide me assistance with my laptop and baby bags. I ran to board my flight and I finally made it with my son-Hashir hanging on to me in his Snugly. Everyone in the flight had an amused look in his or her eyes seeing the apathy of a young mother.

But now, all the chaos is over and I am settled in the flight. As my baby sleeps in my arms, after days of hectic work schedule, I feel relaxed, contended and happy. My hard work has paid me back. I have got my best valentine gift today- my sweet little son. I could not ask for anything better from life.

Knowing The Ropes Can Be A Lifeline

2009-01-23T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Mary Fagan

We are always calmed and assured when we find someone who has been through something before us. This includes parenting, which can mean weathering some rough storms. In the beginning, we set out in the calm and placid waters of diaper changes, runny noses, and dribbles that we somehow learn to ignore in one of parenting's first miracles. Other people may cringe and reach for the hand sanitizer, but our baby's bodily fluids are like mother's milk to us. Their crying and whining doesn't rock us, and when asked about our infants and babies, they walk on water. These are the tender years.

The joys of the first smile, the first words, and the tentative first steps are all treasured and stored safely in our mental photo albums. Even the "terrible twos" leave us with a proud smile at how creative and ingenious our little ones can be when there is something they want. It's a good thing these tender memories are stored away because soon we will cling to them for dear life.

I mean the turbulent years when a mutiny takes place. A few months after the hormones begin flowing, your once mild-mannered son or daughter will take on some salty characteristics. You overhear words coming from their mouths that would make a sailor blush. They get tattoos and piece body parts that would be considered torture if you had suggested it. One minute they are sweet and mild, and the next bam pure sass. It's as if someone kidnapped your child and warped and twisted their personality like knotty driftwood. But hang on!

Fortunately, there are other parents to lean on that have found their sea legs. Anchored to past parenting experiences, they gently break the news that you are not the only parent ever told they were stupid, hated, mean, old fashioned, a dork or the only one to say "no." The first time these things happen, they hit hard, but revived with the realization that you are not the only parent listing to the stern, you can survive a roiling adolescence as it rolls in, and over you, again and again and again.

You may have to return to the experienced parent once in a while for reinforcement. But trust me, we treasure the times we can throw a lifesaver to a wretched fellow parent filled with self-doubt, saving them from second guessing and that sinking feeling that they are losing it.

Whether it's their first experience with PMS, backtalk, swearing, or disagreements over clothing, I will not let any recently christened parent walk the plank alone. To prevent them from going overboard, I have developed a set of special greeting cards, individual lifesavers I can toss in their direction when they need a little sweet something to pull them through.

I keep these special inspirational cards for parents experiencing a "first time" in my desk my own little guidance office - ready for a rescue. Each has a line of wisdom and a line of advice to navigate a parent through the turbulent times. So far, these messages have saved seven parents from chocolate overdose and ten from self-induced baldness.

Even so, I realize my parenting support materials may not be as sophisticated as Dr. Phil's, but in a storm, any port will do.

Mary Fagan has a M.S. in Education and has successfully guided two daughters through the teens. She is currently in the white water with her teenaged son and happily provides her knowledge of the ropes online at http://www.motherwise.us.

How To Deal With Supermom Stress

2009-01-22T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Kathleen Wilson

One of the top stressors for women today is what many are calling the "supermom syndrome". Many of us are led by society today to believe that in order to be successful Moms, we have to do it all, and give all. Nonsense. We all want to do our best as Moms, as we should. But at some point, for our own mental health, our best has got to be good enough. Here are some great ideas to reduce the syndrome at your house.

It's ok not to be perfect. Let me say that again. It's ok, not to be perfect. I think many of us hold ourselves up to a level of perfection that merely hurts our ability to be a good Mom. So what if the living room isn't clean on Monday nights?you had bedtime stories to read. Who cares if you had to choose a work presentation over your childs field tripyou'll go next time. Not allowing ourselves any slack simply causes more stress in our lives, and prevents us from savoring every precious moment of being a Mom. Lighten up. It's ok not to be perfect!

Don't buy into societies hype that in order to be a good parent, you must offer your child every experience under the stars. Over and over again, psychologists talk about the dangers of over scheduling our kids, but it seems few are listening. It is not healthy for your child to learn to be so busy that he/she never learns to be with and like himself, to dream, use his imagination, or just be bored! Limiting your family to one extracurricular activity per child will help reduce family stress both in time and money. Do not let society guilt you into doing moreafter all, this is the same society rules that say its ok for our children to starve themselves to look like movie stars, or to play Nintendo for 12 hours straight. Is that what you want for your kids?

Make time for yourself. Make a rule that you will take 10, 20, even 30 minutes a day and shut out the world. Close the bedroom door, take a bath, take a walkjust have that time to yourself. You deserve it, and your family owes you that much. Do not feel guilty asking for it either! Tell the kids Mom is not to be disturbed unless someone is bleeding or something is on firethen enforce the rule! Oprah says it wellif your cup is empty, how will you fill up the ones you love?

That being said, it is important to recognize your family as an essential part of your life. Stopping to smell the roses when it comes to your family will help you to keep your life in perspective, and therefore, reduce your daily stress. Make sure you take time for yourself, but also take time to spend with your family outside of the daily chores and running around. Let your children help you cook dinner, play cards together in the evening, take a walk around your neighborhood with your kids. Make sure you read to those little ones every night, and make sure you do those great voices with the characters! Laugh with your family, choose your battles wisely, and savor every moment of their precious childhoodbefore you know it, they will be tending their own families! (And won't you feel good knowing what an example you were, cherishing your family as you do!)

Finally, make sure you remember who you are as a person. Not as Mom, or wife, or business associate, but as who you are. Cultivate old pastimes, and expand your world by developing new ones! Learn to play piano, paint, or to speak a different language. Read. Celebrate your spiritual life, and let yourself grow in the world that has been gifted to you.

It is time Moms stood up and made a standwe don't have to do it all to be good Moms. We already are good Moms, because we do our best. And that's good enough.

Kathleen Wilson is a columnist, author, and editor of The Stress Less Journal. For free stress reducing inspiration and to sign up for her free online newsletter, visit her at http://www.StressLessJournal.com. Also visit her other website, http://www.women-on-the-net.com and http://www.thebudgetdecorator.com.

The Ten Most Critical Things For Raising A Healthy Empowered Child A Mustread For Every Parent

2009-01-21T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Shelly Walker

It may sound simple, but it's not easy. If you can succeed at the following ten items, your children will know that they are loved, capable people with passion and purpose in the world.

As parents, we all have strengths and weaknesses. Use this list as a guide to find the things that your family needs to work on and (this is the tricky part) do it! It's so easy to just go along with the flow and let your children be raised by the example you set for them and daily, reactionary, chaos-control parenting. But taking a few minutes to really check in with what's important is critical to your child's health and well-being.

I have taken fifteen years of research and experience with children and boiled it all down to the following list of ten things to focus on as a parent. Some of them are self-explanatory. Some of them are easier to accomplish than others. They are all critical to your child's inner peace and outer success.

Please note, that in order to simplify things, I use each gender alternately. This list is intended for every child, both male and female.

Print this up, put it on your fridge, highlight the ones you want to start working on and begin to create the family of your dreams today.

1. Find his talents and explore them. I make this number one because of the huge impact on a child's self-esteem when he finds out what he's good at. Give him the opportunity to succeed with passion and purpose.

2. Music and art feed the mind and the soul. Every person is good at some creative endeavor. Take classes together. Get outside your box so she can explore art. Not only does it feed an inner need, but it's a constant boredom buster! (No musician or artist is ever bored because she has her passion at her fingertips and within her mind at all times.) An artist or musician sees the world with added dimensions. Don't deprive your child of this opportunity!

3. Applaud effort, not necessarily outcome. No matter if he's a good student, a bad student or a great student. Give him the support he needs and praise his work. Did he lose the game? Find something positive to say and avoid the negative critiquing. Don't feed his inner doubt: empower him to feel good about himself.

4. Teach manners. Please, thank you, how to ask, how to be polite and eat a nice meal. I see so many children who don't even begin to know how to behave and it's because they aren't taught. It's up to you to teach her how. It's not just about behavior control. It's about respect.

5. Create and maintain open lines of communication. Studies have shown that the toddler who feels heard will become the teenager who will talk. Spend at least 10 minutes every day one-on-one with your child. Never shut down any topic of conversation. Be available and non-judgmental, but give positive, age-appropriate feedback. Remember to listen.

6. Get out in the world and exercise & explore together. Teach her to love Nature and how to take care of her body with exercise and healthy food. Don't just sit at home and watch the world pass on television. Get out there and explore!

7. Allow his spiritual nature to unfold. This is different from religious training. This is allowing God to express through your child's unique perspective. Children have an inborn wisdom about spiritual nature. Listen to him. Ask him questions. Allow him to explore the truths that God placed in his heart. Then teach him your values.

8. Empower her to trust her inner voice. This one can be especially difficult for those of us who were never taught this skill. Work on trusting yourself while teaching her to trust that still, small voice. This can be as simple as listening when she says, "I think we should go left and see if there's a parking space over there" or as complicated as talking about how to trust new people. She must learn to stop, check in with her heart, check in with her body, use her mind to think about the signals she's receiving and then move forward.

9. Feed her body, mind, and Spirit. Healthy foods, challenges for the mind, spiritual awakeningshappy children. Add in some love and fun and you've got the recipe for success!

10. Unconditional love means love without bounds: love the child you have, not the child you want him to be. Take a realistic look at your relationship and the conditions you put on your love. You may be shocked to see the places where you withhold love as a punishment or perhaps simply out of unskilled behavior on your part. Love is not something to be given and taken away. Let your child know that she is loved in every situation no matter what!

Straight talk from the mom who's been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. Her website, http://www.parentingkeys.com, has great information and free tools to help parents raise successful, empowered children.

A Dangerous Environment

2009-01-20T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Richard Lowe, Jr.

The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't even begin to believe that your child is safe. There are more dangers than you can possibly imagine waiting to lure children to their doom. You had better be aware of what's happening and take steps to shield them from the danger ... if you don't, your child's sanity and safety are at serious risk.

Does this sound alarmist? Actually, I cannot stress this fact enough ... you have to be just as careful with your five year old on the internet as you would in the worst red-light district back alley in the darkest part of town. If you would not allow your twelve year old wander around a drug den or visit the sex shops in San Francisco, then why on Earth are you letting him or her loose on the internet without supervision?

Let's look at some of the dangers that exist on the internet. The most obvious issue is pornography. There are dirty pictures, video, sounds, movies and anything else you can imagine available everywhere on the web. In fact, it's often difficult to surf without running into a pornographic site occasionally. Just type "whitehouse.com", expecting to get a page about the white house and you'll see that you get a pornographic site.

Oh, and it's not just your run of the mill pornography, no, there is much worse stuff available to anyone who cares to look. Your child can find pictures which will curl your toes at the sheer perversity of the images. While intelligent people can debate whether or not any of this material should be available, even to adults, at all, no one with any conscience and trace of goodness can say it is okay for children to have access to this stuff.

Not only is pornography a danger, but the cyber world is full of other horrible things (just like the real world). Without much work, your child can easily surf to sites which espouse hatred, nazi values, and page after page of extremely graphic, real violence. I even know of some parents who were horrified to find that what they thought were harmless Anime (a style of Japanese cartons) sites that turned out to be hard core, extremely graphic animated sex galleries.

Of course, I'm sure you've all heard of the dangers of unsupervised chat rooms. I have heard that older men hang out in them, waiting for trusting, innocent children. They start up conversations, and before long your child might attempt to travel to meet a nice man - and never come back.

You've got other, more subtle, dangers as well. Your child might surf the internet and find some cool site which asks for personal information. Not knowing any better, he or she might enter your social security number, address, phone number or even your credit card numbers. This could actually put not just your child but your entire family in danger.

I could go on and on about the dangers, but what do you do about it? Is there anything that you can possibly do, short of unplugging the stupid computer, to protect your children?

The first, and most important, thing that you should do is talk to your children. Believe it or not, children are intelligent beings, and they will understand if you use words and concepts that they can comprehend. Explain the dangers, being patient and caring and understanding. It may take a few tries, but they are capable of learning, understanding and obeying. Just be sure you do not portray the dangers as something in any way desirable, and don't forbid them to explore, just explain what's going on.

The second, and equally important, thing to remember is that even if your children do understand and comprehend what you tell them - you should still protect them. Do not let them surf the internet unsupervised if you can help it. Watch them on the web and be sure you know where they are going.

Every once in a while, check over the computer that your child has been using to see what they've been doing. Look at the cookies, the browser history and at images and such stored on the hard drive. I know it sounds like spying, but it's important to know what they are up to before they get into trouble. And oh yes, if you find something, just wait for an opportunity to "discover" what they are doing without giving away that you are looking over their shoulder. Then use this as a means of getting into a discussion with them. You should also take maximum advantage of any and all parental controls that are available to you. Use a product such as NetNanny or Cyber Babysitter to control your child's surfing habits. Set the parental controls of your browser and the major search engines (most of them have a way to filter out adult content).

Does this sound extreme? Any psychiatrist will tell you it is. They will tell you should allow your children to explore at will, along with lots of other, similar garbage. But would you trust your children to the people who funded Adolf Hitler, who give drugs to your children in school and who claim that hardened criminals are really just misunderstood and unloved. (That's a subject for a future article perhaps - how we can improve our civilization and bring peace to the world by lining all of the psychiatrist's up on the nearest wall).

Anyway, digressions aside, the responsible thing to do is to ensure that your children are safe, just like you would if they were wandering around in the mall or in the red light district of a big city. If you don't, you may find yourself taking up a new hobby - looking at milk cartons.

About The Author

Richard Lowe Jr. is the webmaster of Internet Tips And Secrets. This website includes over 1,000 free articles to improve your internet profits, enjoyment and knowledge.

Web Site Address: http://www.internet-tips.net

Weekly newsletter: http://www.internet-tips.net/joinlist.htm

Claudia Arevalo-Lowe is the webmistress of Internet Tips And Secrets and Surviving Asthma. Visit her site at http://survivingasthma.com

Drugs And Violence In Public Schools

2009-01-19T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Joel Turtel

Many public schools not only fail to educate our children, they can also be dangerous places. These schools are a natural breeding ground for drugs and violence. Children are packed into classrooms with twenty or more other immature children or teenagers, all the same age. Here, peer pressure becomes socialization, pushing many children into using drugs and alcohol.

Put twenty teenagers in the same room, or hundreds of teenagers in the same school, and you have a breeding ground for violence. Young boys and girls have raging hormones and budding sexuality, and male teenage testosterone levels are high. Teenagers are in the half-child, half-adult stage of life and often lack judgment and are emotionally immature.

Pack these teenagers together into cramped little classrooms, six to eight hours a day, and you have a mixture that can lead to trouble. It's inevitable that violence will break outit's built into the system.

Also, even the most conscientious teacher is usually too busy and overworked to give children the individual attention they need. Critics of home-schooling often say that home-schoolers don't get proper socialization. However, so-called socialization in public schools is often cruel and violent. Bullying, peer pressure, racial cliques, sexual tensions, and competition for the teacher's approval all create a stressful, sometimes violent environment.

Compulsory-attendance laws also contribute to violence in the schools. In most states, these laws force children to stay in school until they are sixteen years old or graduate high school. Teenagers who hate school, or are aggressive or potentially violent sociopaths, can't leave. As a result, they often take out their hatred and aggression on other students. Those children want to learn are forced to endure bullying and violence by these troubled teens.

Also, the law is on the side of violent or disruptive students who are classified as "disabled." In 1975, Congress passed the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Based on this legislation, in 1988 the Supreme Court ruled that schools could not remove disruptive disabled children from classrooms without a parent's consent. If parents don't consent, teachers are out of luck. Those 'disabled' children who are socially impaired, can't get along with other kids, or sometimes turn violent, therefore fall under this category. Of course, this adds yet another layer of potentially violent children who teachers can't remove from class.

Violence in public schools can literally kill your child. In the 2000-2001 school year, students were victims of about 1.9 million nonfatal violent crimes such as rape, assault, and robbery. This figure equals about 9,000 violent incidents every school day throughout America, or about one every three seconds.

Public schools are also a drug pusher's heaven. Thousands of teenagers, pushed by intense peer-pressure, smoke, drink beer, and try marijuana or hard drugs. Schools put hundreds of children together in one big building or courtyard. Mix in overworked or indifferent teachers who have little time or desire to supervise extracurricular activities. That's why drug pushers circle schoolyards like vultures. Where else can they find groups of vulnerable victims all herded together for their convenience? Is it any wonder that drug and alcohol use is a major problem in public schools?

In the 2001-2002 school year, 34.9 percent of tenth-grade students surveyed said they had smoked cigarettes within the past year. Fifty-one and two tenths percent said they had drunk beer, and 33.4 percent said they got bombed on that beer. Also, 29.8 percent of the same tenth-grade students said they had smoked marijuana within the past year, and 78.7 percent of these marijuana users said they got "bombed or very high" on it.

When children are home-schooled, parents can advise and watch over their kids. At home, there is no peer pressure to try drugs, as there is in public schools. Drug pushers don't hover around private residences.

Parents should therefore ask themselves: Do my children belong in violent, drug-infested public schools? Are there other education options for my children? In "Public Schools, Public Menace," I discuss many quality, low-cost education options parents can use right now if they decide to take their children out of public school.

Joel Turtel is an education policy analyst, and author of "Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public Schools Lie To Parents and Betray Our Children." Contact Information: Website: http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com, Email: lbooksusa@aol.com, Phone: 718-447-7348. Article Copyrighted © 2005 by Joel Turtel. NOTE: You may post this Article on another website only if you set up a hyperlink to Joel Turtel's email address and website URL, http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com.

Does Sexual Abuse Usually Occur Just Once

2009-01-18T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Judy H. Wright

Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her bottom and she doesn't like to sit on his lap anymore! Should you believe your child? Yes.

Your initial reaction is to confront Uncle Charley, who tells you that your child is making it up and even if it did happen, he will never do it again.

He promises he will never ever touch another child inappropriately and you want to believe him. Should you believe him? Probably not.

Perhaps abuse will occur just once with a certain child, but most pedophiles will just cast their eye for a more amiable victim. It is usually not the first time the molester has done this. Nor will it be the last time, even if the child convinces the molester to leave him or her alone. Offenders who have been caught tell researchers that nobody does it just once.

This is a compulsive act which stems from compulsive thought patterns. Pedophiles have repetitive sexual fantasies involving children usually in one age group or gender. Some may be able to contain those fantasies and thought patterns and not act upon them. and they do not become offenders. The perpetrator feels compelled to abuse on a regular basis, especially when things are not going well in their life, or they are under stress. Most offenders abuse more than one hundred times before they are caught. Many will re-offend after serving their time in custody.

Sex abusers will continue the same sick patterns until they are physically stopped or the fear of intervention on the part of the molester becomes very evident. They may be abusing or grooming more than one child at the same time. For instance, if a teacher is caught and arrested for molesting a student in his/her classroom, the chances are high that they have tried to molest others in the class and other classes they have taught.

It is the same for those who commit incest: very rarely is it just one victim. The molestations sometimes continue for months or years starting first with a good touch such as backrubs or tickling. But then it escalates into a touch that is inappropriate. The relationship is usually broken off only when it is discovered accidentally or when a child tells an adult who believes them.

Unfortunately, parents or other adults often think the child is lying, particularly if the abuser is someone familiar to the family or a member of the family. It is a rare exception for a child to make up stories about having been sexually abused. Due to lack of understanding, many parents may blame and shame the victim, especially if the abuse has gone on for some time.

It is not the child's fault! As a caring adult and the protector or your child and others who might have been affected and most certainly will, if the offender is not stopped, you must tell the proper authorities. It is important to your child that they see that you will believe them and act on their word. It is also important to the community that the sexual abuse, no matter how seemingly innocent the offender may try to make it out, is documented. Pick up the phone now and call the police; they will give you and your child guidance and support.

This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com

Mum And Dad Look At Me

2009-01-18T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Rita Offen

Kids have amazing confidence. Drive or walk through a town and you'll pass kids and notice that bright, bouncy, happy look. Some kids don't walk, they hop and skip all the way. They have bountiful energy.

Such confidence often means they believe they can do anything, and won't give up until they do or get what they want. If we adults had their confidence and beliefs, what amazing things could we achieve - we could accomplish our dreams!

At my martial arts lesson today, a young new boy volunteered, stepped up and performed his Karma form (a series of moves using the Karma weapons - they're like little axes, only made of wood and rubber!) in front of the whole class. Afterwards, as always, our Instructor lead the class in applause for his confidence in doing this. The little boy was so pleased with himself, for 'stepping up' isn't an easy thing to do, especially when you're new. His face beamed, and he turned to look at his mum across the room, searching for recognition, but she gave him no response. Her eyes did not meet his, and with a frown she was looking at a small sticker that had come off one of his Karmas and got stuck in his hair! I watched his bright, proud look drain from his face - the disappointment could not have been more obvious. Clearly, his mother's acknowledgement was of more importance to him than the praise of applause in the room. I know his mum didn't intentionally miss his glance. Had she seen his expectant look, she would, in the true spirit of a proud mum, have praised him and returned the smile. But a boy with a sparkly silver sticker in his hair was more an issue of real concern to her.

We can so often allow other things to cloud our view of our kids' strengths and achievements. In this case, I know, no-one else in the room was bothered about the sticker!

Rita Offen is a Parent and Author of 'The Chilled Parent' - Effective Parenting, Peacefully and Powerfully, in which she shares her experiences and lessons in parenting, with a unique perspective on what's REALLY important in family life. www.chilledparent.com

Why Do People Have Kids

2009-01-17T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Lance Winslow

Despite the theory that people have kids because they want and have planned for a family; the truth is that most people have kids because a woman gets pregnant. That is about the only reason. Did you know that 75% of all children in the United States are born out of wedlock and that the number is increasing each and every year? And folks these numbers are just in the United States, the world average is much higher. Only 50% of the kids in this country live in a household with two parents.

So if people are having kids because they get pregnant and not because they are planning on having kids then that means most all humans born in the United States are unwanted by the parents. Do you think this is why pregnant moms still drink lots of caffeine and go to Starbucks every day? Do you know what this does to the unborn fetus? If kids grow up without two parents to watch them no wonder we have such a high rate of juvenile delinquency in our country. No wonder I have to pay more taxes for police. No wonder there is more crime and drugs, rapes and murders, hit and runs and police chases, robbery and assaults? Dah, no wonder?

If people do not care about their children before they are born, what makes you think they really care about them or are willing to give them the proper nurturing as they grow up? Some people believe that you should have a license before you have a child, that you understand pre-natal care, have a jobs or some income to support your future offspring and a stable situation ready to go when the child arrives. Others believe that it is not any one else's business and humans should have the right to procreate. We make people get driver's licenses to operate an automobile; a hunk of metal, which you can replace, but not to have a child, which is irreplaceable. How many times have you seen a parent beat their kid in a parking lot or store? How many times have you seen a kids throw a complete temper tantrum in a place of business and the single parent buy something to pacify them? Why is it that people have kids again? Because they get pregnant; what about the burden to society and taxpayer for the irresponsibility of that child?

Recently I met a man who had an executive job at a school district. We got on the subject of schools and drugs and he said both his kids had been involved in drugs and had problems and that there was nothing he could do; it was the peer pressure you see? It was not his fault he explained? Oh, really so whose fault it is then, because it certainly is not my fault the taxpayer. Yet I am paying the cost of more police, state sponsored rehabs, court costs and might even become the victim of one of his kids or some other kid who is fiending on drugs who decides to steal the CD player out of my car or put it up on blocks to steal my rims so they can get their fix?

Every time some one has a kid that is an incredible responsibility, it is the responsibility of the parents not the village. It may take a village to raise the child, but it is the parents responsibility to put in their fair share and bare the brunt of the cost, time and effort in raising them. Why can't people take a little more responsibility for their actions? Why is the burden always on those who are holding up civilization instead of those so busy tearing it down; the same ones who tell us to mind our own business and leave them alone? Yet as soon as they want something they come running, looking for a hand out and call us names when we look at them and say no; it is your responsibility. It is interesting that in our new Political Correct world that you cannot say these things even though they are true. Well like you I am sick and tired of it and I am saying something about it. It ain't right; think about it.

Lance Winslow

Baby Feeding Options For The Working Mother

2009-01-16T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Nicky Pilkington

Significant events in the 20th century resulted in changes in family dynamics. War, technological advances, and shifts in economics caused women to work outside of the home. Women traditionally stayed at home to take care of the home and the needs of the children. While initially many people scoffed at the idea of a woman leaving her children while she worked, it served the purpose of additional money coming into the household. Nowadays, people seldom give the idea of women working outside the home a second thought. There are, however, some issues that working mothers still need to handle when they make this choice.

With the addition of labor-related laws, it is now possible for women to bear children and return to work. However, managing common bonding activities such as breastfeeding can often take creative strategies. A woman could easily start her baby on formula and return to work without any hassles. However, there are many advantages of breastfeeding. The mother is able to pass on essential nutrients to her baby, it creates a bond between the mother and baby, the mother can lose the extra weight she gained during pregnancy, and it's inexpensive. When a woman works outside the home, she has to contemplate how she intends her baby to be fed. At one time the only choice for working mothers was to feed the baby formula. The introduction of breast pumps has made it possible for mothers to experience the benefits associated with breastfeeding while continuing to work.

There are essentially two types of breast pumps: manual and electrical/battery-operated. The difference between the two breast pumps is in how the mother's milk is extracted. Breast pumps are designed to extract milk from a mother's breast using the same cycle of motion as when the baby is feeding. A manual breast pump involves the mother using some type of control to dictate the cycles. A breast pump that operates on electrical or battery power performs the cycles automatically, however, the mother is typically able to specify the speed of the suction cycle. Determining the best breast pump is a matter of the mother considering her personal situation. It is a good idea to use factors such as cost, the availability of an electrical outlet, and portability to determine the best breast pump for your situation.

When choosing to buy a breast pump, you will discover there are numerous manufacturers. Medela is by far the most recognized name in breast pumps. This company, which originates from Switzerland, brought to the forefront the issue of working mothers being able to provide milk for their babies when they were away from home. Like most products, Medela offers a full line of products that feature product options for different situations. For example, the Medela classic offers breast pumps for situations when a mother requires frequent or infrequent pumping. With more than 10 product offerings, you should have no problem finding the breast pump for your particular situation.

Other reputable companies that provide breast pumps and other breastfeeding products include Ameda, Whittlestone, Whisper Wear, and Avent.

More detailed information about breast pumps and the advantages offered by feeding baby breast milk are available at http://www.breast-pump.info.

Post Adoption Depression Reality Or Fallacy

2009-01-16T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by MM Caldwell

Q. I noticed a change in my sister's mood after she adopted her first child. She seemed to be depressed, much like post pardium depression. The entire family expected her to be elated since she finally had the child she longed for. Is this normal?

A. What your sister is going though is similar to post pardium depression. It is very real and can diminish the joy she experiences with her child. It is important that her family and friends understand the reasons and not belittle her for these feeling. Depression can come from a combination of a number of events triggering what is called "post adoption depression".

New changes to a lifestyle of parenting full time, a long drawn out adoption process, topped with years of infertility and lack of control in either of them can cause an onset of this type of depression. Be reassured not all mothers go through this, but with parenting comes challenges. Not all women find themselves depressed, but some new adoptive mothers start feeling the let down and the tension release of the entire adoption process soon after the child comes home.

Financial stressed from the adoption can make this time more stressful also. Many new mothers find staying home and the lack of sleep can contribute to her overall well-being. Many women are embarrassed to even mention their feeling. Often the comment I hear is "well you should to be happy now"!

If a woman continues to experience depression for more than a month, she should seek the advice of a qualified doctor who works with post pardium depression or a counselor specializing in adoption issues. Listen to an interview about post adoption stress at www.LetsTalkAdoption.com

Adoption Moment Tip

Surround yourself with positive people; get fresh air and good nutritious food. Put on some a little makeup during the day, even if you are at home. I found it helpful to get out and attend a comedy shows if you can just for fun. It sometimes is a comfort knowing other adoptive mothers have gone though this and are now experiencing the joy parenting can bring. It does get better.

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is the founder of Lifetime Adoption http://www.LifetimeAdoption.com Caldwell is an adoptive parent, the award-winning author of www.AdoptingOnline.com and Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide and radio talk show host of "Let's Talk Adoption". Mardie has writes and speaks on parenting, adoption, infertility, writing, financing, and travel. They have four children and live in Northern California. Contact Mardie at through her website http://www.MardieCaldwell.com

Raising A Selfsufficient Teen

2009-01-15T04:00:00.002-08:00

Writen by Rachel Paxton

Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then you're going to have your work cut out for you. Don't wait until it's too late.

By the time your children are in high school, they should be doing for themselves a lot of the things you've been doing for them all of their lives. What does your teen do when they have a problem? Run to you? Or try to solve his/her own problem, maybe coming to you for advice when they've exhausted their own resources?

I don't know about you, but I want my daughter to be self-sufficient when she heads off to college. I want her to be able to choose her own friends, manage her own expenses, be up to the challenge of solving everyday problems in an effective and positive manner, and generally get her adult life off to a good start.

Sound difficult? Not if you start out with the small things. My teen told me most of her friends don't even know where their moms do their grocery shopping. I couldn't believe it. My daughter is involved with planning our meals (it's in her interest if she wants a say in what we're having to eat), and she goes to the grocery store with me every single week and helps me mark each item off the list. She reads labels, compares prices, and tells me when she thinks I'm spending too much money on something. And why does she care how much money I spend you might ask? Because our family's finances are tight, and she knows that any money we save at the grocery store our family will be able to spend somewhere else. What a great life lesson.

Because our family's finances are tight, my daughter has also learned how to budget. She is not directly involved in our financial planning, but she sees me making our budget and deciding the way we spend our family's money. She knows that when more money than expected has to be spent in a certain area, that something else has to give. She knows that money doesn't grow on trees. She's started to budget her own money--tithing, spending some, and saving some.

A lot of my daughter's friends wear expensive designer clothes. She knows we can't afford to buy clothes like that for her, so we frequent local thrift and clothing consignment stores, shop bargain sales, and do a lot of yard saling. Sure, I wish I could spend more money on her clothes, but she still finds much of the same designer clothing her friends wear. Other friends are jealous of the good buys she finds. When my daughter grows up part of me hopes she can afford nicer things for herself. But deep down, I'm grateful for the life lessons she's learning. Whether she has money or not, she will never want for anything because she knows how to get by no matter what her circumstances.

You might think your teen would think it a chore to go grocery shopping and shopping for second-hand clothing. My daughter doesn't look at it that way. Partly she's bored and wants to get out of the house, but going through these daily routines together is much of the time we spend together, hanging out and talking about other things on her mind. More than half of the time we spend in deep discussion takes place in the car driving from one place to another. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

I'm not worried about whether or not my daughter is going to be able to take care of herself when she goes off to college. I'm certain she'll be up to the challenge.

A freshman in high school this year, she has four more years to practice before she's on her own. She cooks dinner once a week or so, does some of the laundry, and helps clean up after our pets keep the house clean. At her age, homework is most important to us and that takes priority over other things, so we don't overload her with chores, but my main concern is that she knows HOW to do these things. Especially with something like cooking it takes time to learn some of these skills. And if you don't have enough patience to help them learn something like how to cook, then let them learn through trial and error. Let them cook what they want to cook and let them even go buy the groceries to make it.

Let your teens schedule their own appointments and make other phone calls you normally make for them. I think everyone has a little fear of the phone at first, but after the first few times they'll enjoy the responsibility they've earned.

And did you notice what effect these changes will have on your life? Less responsibility and demands on you! It's a little hard to let go at first and you might have to take baby steps in handing over the reigns a little, but you'll be so proud of your teen the first time they take initiative on their own. When they leave home you'll worry less and know it was a job well done.

About The Author

Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For more inspirational articles and tips for everyday living, visit her web sites at http://www.creativehomemaking.com and http://www.christian-parent.com

Single Parents Give Yourselves Credit

2009-01-15T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Pat Downing

Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.

I became acutely aware of this fact when my children were young and I was dealing with the challenges of being a single mom. An "expert" told me that the increase in the number of dysfunctional families was directly related to the increasing number of single-parent families. The statistics proved it.

I was taken aback. I had never related dysfunction to the number of adults in a family. In fact, I was aware of many families that functioned better when one of the parents was no longer present.

His comment did make me stop and think, however. Were single parents really the cause of many of society's ills? Or was that a misconception? I felt that I needed to answer that question - not for society as a whole, but for my family.

To begin, I took a long, hard look at myself. Was I still a good parent? Were we functioning in a healthy, balanced way? Or were my children suffering from the "unnatural" situation of living with only one parent?

As I tried to see it all objectively, some things became clear to me.

First, I realized that I was not perfect. It was important for me to be able to acknowledge that, because there had been a time when I could not allow myself to fall short in anything I did. I had felt the need to be everything to everyone - the perfect mother, good housekeeper, reliable employee, involved citizen. I had felt like a failure because I could not possibly live up to my image of what I was supposed to be.

Then slowly, I had come to realize that it was okay to be less than perfect. I relaxed. I learned to set priorities and to let other things go. That set me free to devote more energy to the things most important to me, including my relationships with my children.

The second thing I realized was that I was a better parent than I had been before. Oh, I still made lots of mistakes. The challenges of single parenting are overwhelming. But it is easy to get so bogged down in the problems that we forget to notice our successes.

In fact, our family was much closer and stronger than it had been before. One of the greatest differences was that we talked to each other more than we had in the past. Part of this was due to he ages of my children (they were 10 and 12 at the time), but in many ways, our closer relationship came out of necessity.

When we were suddenly 3 instead of 4, it was clear that we had to communicate more in order to function. Our financial situation had changed and although the burden was mine, it required an adjustment in my children's expectations as well. At home we all needed to pitch in to keep things running smoothly, and that had to be coordinated. Emotionally, we had all gone through some major changes and my main concern had been that my children not develop negative feelings about themselves or the adults in their lives.

All of this required many hours of talking as a family and also one-on-one. We developed the habit of sitting down to discuss things whenever a problem arose or a decision needed to be made. We had family meetings regularly and they provided a practical way to take care of family business, such as deciding upon house rules, chore assignments or how to spend some fun time together. In the process, we learned how to work together as a team and to stay in touch with each other's feeling.

So were my children harmed by growing up in a single parent household? It is really a mixed bag.

Yes, they missed out on the experience of having both parents at home, for which I still carry some sadness. At the same time, they became thoughtful, caring, responsible people, who were sensitive to the needs of others and accepted responsibility with grace and good humor. Most important, they lived every day in a home that was filled with love and laughter - and that is worth a great deal.

Thinking about our experiences and what I have observed in other families, I have come to some conclusions. I would like to share these with other parents who are facing similar challenges.

1. Families can function in a balanced, healthy way, regardless of the number of adults who happen to live in the home. The key is not how many people live under the same roof - or their ages - but the ways in which they relate to each other. Communication and mutual respect are major factors.

2. Every person in a family has intrinsic value and his or her ideas need to be considered regardless of age. Children and teenagers usually have good ideas and want to have responsibilities long before many parents realize. If we recognize and accept their contributions, we will be enriched and at the same time, we will help them to become more responsible, caring people who feel good about themselves and their world.

3. As parents, we don't need to be perfect. We know what the "ideal" mother is like - cheerful, patient, with lots of time to give lovingly to her children in a neat orderly home, where she prepares delicious, well-balanced meals and keeps everything running smoothly at all times.

In fact, it is not possible to be that ideal parent and home-maker while also carrying the full-time responsibility of earning a living, yet many single parents build expectations of themselves around that image. This often causes a lot of guilt and frustration for people who are doing the best they can to raise their children in today's society.

It's okay to make mistakes, to be inconsistent once in a while, to leave dirty dishes in the sink - in other words, to be human. The most important part of the job of parenting is the relationships with our children. Let the rest fall where it may.

4. It is never too late to change the ways in which we relate to one another. We have all made mistakes along the way, but we parents are learning and growing just as our children are. Sometimes the best thing that can happen in family is to admit to one-another that what we have been doing isn't working, and to agree to work together to find a better way.

The important things are:

- to be real with each, other,
- to respect each other's feelings,
- to say "I'm sorry" when it's needed - and mean it,
- to ask one-another for help and to give it in return,
- to work together to help each other to grow.

None of these things can happen if we are angry, frustrated or resentful.

The only way to create good, positive relationships is to relate to each other from our hearts, bringing the energy of love into every conversation - no matter how frustrating our day has been.

So how do we do that? It's tough out there, and by the time we get home, we're tired, frustrated - sometimes angry.

That's the very reason we HAVE to do it - because our children deserve better from us than what's left over at the end of a work day.

It doesn't take long to shift our energy. We can do it in the car on the way home. The important thing is what we focus on.

If I think about all the things that went wrong at work today, I will walk through that door in a really bad mood, and my children will pay a high price.

If, on the way home, I think about something my child did that upset me, I will re-create the energy of my anger or disappointment, and that is how I will greet my child when I get home.

If I decide, however, to take responsibility for the emotional energy in our home, I will focus on things about my children that please me - things I appreciate. Then when I walk through that door, I will bring the energy of love and respect, and that will create an environment in which my children will respond to me and to each other in the same way.

So, what kind of parent do you choose to be? It IS a choice, you know. We make it every day - many times a day.

We can be the kind of parents who confirm the statistics - or we can defy them.

If we live from our hearts - if we allow love to guide us and if we learn to trust our own inner wisdom - we can raise our children to be loving, responsible, emotionally balanced adults. In the process, we will be blessed many times over.

Pat Downing has many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. She is co-author of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child." For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

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Toy Ideas For Children With Cerebral Palsy And Special Needs

2009-01-14T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by LJ Stewart

One of the more common problems with mainstream toys is that they are meant to be used with two hands- often times children with cerebral palsy will have limited use of one side of the body or the use of only one hand.

Toys should be fun and children should have a feeling of accomplishment or success when playing- not frustrated or reminded of what they cannot do.

Many of the commercial toys on the market can be adapted or used by children with cerebral palsy.

There are many toys that you can buy at any toy store or department store that are affordable and fun to use. Look for toys that can be used with one hand. Musical instruments are great for this- a trumpet, harmonica, xylophone or maracas. These also develop a sense of cause and effect with young children and help controlled movement with older children.

Magnetic type toys are all the rage and a big hit with kids of all ages- there are tons of magnetic toys available in many forms- magnetic jig saw puzzles, magnetic construction toys and magnetic marbles.

A simple ball is a lot of fun and great for developing coordination- get a neat ball that glows in the dark, flashes lights or play music when you roll it.

Toys or play that involve the senses will help with sensory integration development. Sand and water are great for this. You can also fill a empty dish pan with uncooked rice- a great makeshift sand box for a rainy day. A tip to avoid sand box mess: put the sandbox on cement blocks- will be at waist level and kids won't get sand in all their clothes.

Toys that help with coordination and controlled movement are also a good choice. Bowls filled with beads, beans or jelly beans are good for sorting, counting and grouping. Excellent for controlled movement. Building blocks- simple wooden blocks, large dominoes for stacking also help with controlled movement. Also try empty milk cartons for stacking.

Play-doh is always a favorite- make your own play-doh and use Kool-Aid to not only color it but give it a fruity scent. Your child will be developing sensory awareness and visual motor integration skills as he plays.

Keep a box around filled with wheeled toys. Toy trucks and cars of all sizes. These deal with non-verbal expression, problem solving and self-control.

Keep toys in site so your child can see what available- avoid opaque containers and lids. Baskets are great for this.

You can find many toys in local stores and make your own from even around your house without having to spend a lot of money on adaptive or special needs toys. Mainstream toys help with developmental skills such as cognitive awareness, controlled movement and coordination- and don't forget they are fun!

LJ Stewart is homeschool mom and freelance writer. She has special interest in providing support to families coping with cerebral palsy and preventable birth injuries.

Spanking Children

2009-01-14T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Rexanne Mancini

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233

Percentage of readers who do not spank their children: 37%

Percentage of readers who spank their children: 62%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am completely opposed to spanking. I know that almost twice as many of you spank your children as don't. At the risk of alienating 62 percent of my subscribers, I cannot, in good conscience, keep my opinions to myself. ;-)

I feel we have evolved enough as a society to understand that violence breeds violence. Hitting is physically violent. So is spanking. I do not believe spanking children teaches them to mind their parents or caretakers any better than other forms of constructive discipline. If it is unacceptable to hit an adult, what makes it acceptable to hit a child? Taking into consideration the parent or caretaker is most likely three times the size of the child, doesn't this bring up issues of bullying? Many of the comments left on the spanking poll mentioned a biblical reference, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." When we consider that the bible was written thousands of years ago, we must also take into consideration that we may have advanced to the point where biblical interpretations are probably not to be taken as literally as they once were. I do not believe parents should spank their children into submission, any more than I believe criminals should be stoned to death by the masses, as was the custom so many years ago.

Many parents (myself included) have neglected to replace spanking with another solid form of discipline. Refraining from spanking our kids does not negate disciplining them. We have created a generation of children without boundaries in our zeal to adopt a kinder, gentler parenting style. While I am thoroughly delighted that many parents have decided not to spank their children, I am saddened by the lack of respect for authority in so many children today. Without limits, children are insecure, always testing the boundaries ... begging to be corralled for their own safety. In removing physical punishment, we need to find a healthy replacement.

Another comment mentioned often in the spanking poll had to do with spanking a child "out of love." I think this means the parent is disciplining their child because they love them. Yes, by all means, discipline your child when needed. My only request is that you consider not raising a hand or your voice to them in order to accomplish this. My methods have been to remove a privilege, after a warning. It might not be the best form of imposing limits on children but it works pretty well with my daughters ... most of the time. ;-)

One interesting comment was from a mother who said she only spanked her child when the kid was outright defiant. Well, you know, I wanted to consider that option for about two seconds! When my older daughter is defiant, my immediate instinct is to smack her ... but I don't. She is now an inch taller than I am and almost outweighs me. Not a good time to start swatting her butt. She'd either laugh at me or hit me back. Neither option seems conducive to maintaining authority! As much as that option sounded tempting, it is not the answer. If we are to grow as a people, we need to adopt more humane methods of teaching our children to behave.

The comment that disturbed me most was from parents who said they did not spank their child "right away." The child is told they are going to be spanked while the parent goes somewhere else to "calm down" before doling out the dreaded punishment. Sorry, this one gives me the willies. To me, this is a method of psychological torture. Imagining a small child, probably a toddler (or an adolescent reduced to a toddler's fears) in this situation tears at my heart. If I were a child, waiting patiently for a spanking, I think I would seriously consider running away. Why stick around for a parent who is going to come back, irrationally calm in the face of my utter terror, and let them hurt me? I do not think this is a good idea, no matter what the circumstance. I would rather see a parent swat a kid on the butt from sheer frustration, as in the situation with a defiant child, than meditate on it a while and then do the deed. I'm sure I have just contradicted parenting advice many of you have heard by experts. These experts do not rate one inch in my life. I cannot imagine a competent child psychologist thinking that this is OK.

I am 100% committed to a no-spanking philosophy. I believe spanking will be outlawed in most countries within a few years. This practice has been a traditional tool of discipline for far too long.

Please, my dearest readers who do not share my opinion, I ask that you consider the alternatives. Many parents spank, simply for lack of a better solution. There are other solutions. It's not always easy, I know. Spanking is probably the easiest method of momentarily whipping a child in line, however, if we are armed with alternate choices that really work, we will be better parents.

Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

Best Investment

2009-01-13T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Al Thomas

Every week I write something about the stock market - how to, when to and where to put your money and how to protect it from loss if you do. This week I want to say something very important to the young folks about success. And you parents take note if your kids are still young.

One of these days you are going to graduate from high school and, hopefully, college. Either one fits the bill here - even if you don't graduate.

A very small percentage of your peers are going to become very successful. Success in the U.S. is mostly defined as someone who makes a lot of money; that is our usual yardstick. From your graduating class there will be 2 or 3 who make it big time and 6 or 8 who will do very well. Most of them will end up owning their own businesses. Upon graduation you will have no idea who will be the next Bill Gates, Jack Welch or Warren Buffett, but he is right there in your old class picture. Just when you need him you have lost contact for so many years that he probably won't remember you or want to help you.

People are assets. You can't run any business without their input whether it is muscle, brains or money. You use them and they use you - and there is nothing wrong with that. This interaction is what makes the business world go around.

Wouldn't it have been great if you had kept in contact with Bill Gates from the time you graduated? As he made strides with his company you might have become one of his key people, but he forgot you existed - and it wasn't his fault. You let him go. Don't squander your assets, your people. Here is a method that will work. No, not right away, but over the years it could easily change your life.

When you graduate take your yearbook and have everyone sign it. Even those you hardly know at all. Get their addresses and phone numbers and emails also. Every year on that graduation date you send out a yearly up date on what you have done during that year - got married, changed jobs, had a promotion, where you went on vacation, added a new kid to the family or what happened to your dog and your dreams and aspirations if you want to. Personal stuff. Ask them how they are doing? Every one is important. Do this every year and do your best to keep the list current. You may want to add others to your list.

Not much will be going on during the first 10 years, but as certain of your old friends start to move up the ladder they will be looking for people to help them and you will float up to the top of the list. Mr. Rising Star needs help and he knows where you are and all about what you have been doing. You might be just the one he needs to help launch his ship of state.

People are assets. This kind of investment can really pay off.

Al Thomas' book, "If It Doesn't Go Up, Don't Buy It!" has helped thousands of people make money and keep their profits with his simple 2-step method. Read the first chapter at http://www.mutualfundmagic.com and discover why he's the man that Wall Street does not want you to know.

Family Van Decal Danger

2009-01-13T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Rhonda Goetz

Parents love to talk about their kids. They do this in many ways. From those Christmas letters we've all come to hate to the "family" stickers on the backs of mini-vans. We love our kids!

Would a parent knowingly put their child at risk? No way! But unknowingly, many parents are putting them in harm's way. A parent's love and desire to show off their kids are in essence increasing the chance that one or more of their children may end up the victim of a child molester, abductor and/or stalker.

How can that be?

Well, let's look at the Martinique family. Mom is the proud parent of three children. She loves her kids and wants the best for them. One of her jobs is to insure that the kids get to and from school, sporting events, and school activities. Her mini-van is always on the go.

Today, she picks up the kids from soccer practice and is stopping at the store to pick up food for dinner.

Unknown to her, someone is watching

Mom loves her kids so much she wants everyone to know it. She puts stickers on the back of the van showing each child, their relative ages (based on size) and their names. Mara is the oldest, next is Manda, the littlest is Jimmy and they have a dog named Max. She also displays her "Proud Parent of an Honor Student at JJ Elementary" bumper sticker.

Unknown to her, she just provided valuable personal information to a predator. Her children's names, their relative ages, their pet's name and which school Jimmy attends.

She stops at the grocery store, picks up a few things for dinner and then heads for home.

Unknown to her, someone is following her home.

When she arrives, everyone jumps out of the van and rushes inside for dinner. Safe inside

Unknown to her, a predator waits in a car on her street waiting for one of the children, Mara, Manda, or Jimmy to come outside to play or walk to their friend's house.

Unknown to mom and the kids, pedophiles seek to find some way to know your child before victimizing them. Knowing a child's name, what their house looks like or their pet's name gives them the "in" to get close to your child.

When Jimmy comes out to play basketball, the pedophile gets out of his car and walks up and says Hi Jimmy! Jimmy is disarmed by the pedophile's use of his name so he doesn't react negatively to this stranger. "I lost my dog, he looks just like your dog, Max, have you seen him?" Using his dog's name completely brings down Jimmy's defenses. Knowing this, the predator moves in closer to Jimmy, close enough to grab him.

Unknown to mom, her love for Jimmy put him in jeopardy.

Don't risk your child's safety by allowing a pedophile to create the illusion of familiarity. If your child can be identified by a stranger, your child is at risk. Remove all identifying marks and objects from your cars now.

Rhonda Goetz Parent Smartz Empowering Parents... 866.241.9927

Rhonda Goetz is an author, speaker and and instructional designer. She designs easy-to-use online courses to help parents learn how to monitor their child's activities, improve their Internet literacy, and better understand the Internet perils their child deals with every day.

Want to learn how to monitor your child's Internet activity?

Get Empowered! Sign up for the Parent Series:Protecting Your Child Online online class today!

How Do I Handle This As A Peaceful Parent V

2009-01-12T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Nancy Buck

In both your lecture and book you emphasize the importance of making dreary tasks fun as well as negotiations with your children. Does everything need to be fun? Is everything supposed to turn into a negotiation? Can I ever just say "Do what I ask because I ask it of you?"

The simple answer to your question is "YES." You do not need to turn every chore into fun and games. Yes, when you ask your child to follow a direction, negotiation does not need to follow this request. You certainly have the right to expect that your child will do as you ask when you ask simply because you have asked. From my perspective this is respectful, courteous behavior.

Conversely, I expect that you also complete necessary childcare chores without having all become fun and games. I hope that you fulfill simple request your child makes some of the time because she has made them. You are setting the example, teaching him how people who respect and love one another treat one another.

Turning dreary tasks into fun and games means you understand that your child has the inherent instruction for fun. When and if you make chores and tasks more fun it increases the likelihood that you child will complete the chore or task without complaint. Children can't resist fun! Children can resist tasks and chores. I do not mean to say that everything must be fun. What I mean is that if you can increase the fun involved in daily living both you and your child will be more satisfied following your inherent instructions.

If every time your child resisted your request she demanded to negotiate and you agreed, you would soon be exhausted! If every time there was some dispute between you and your son, he got his way (his quality world picture) and you didn't, your need for power would be thwarted. The same is true in reverse. If every time there was a dispute between you and your daughter and you got your way (your quality world picture) and she didn't, her need for power would be thwarted. Negotiations are helpful when you and your child have two different pictures. Working together you can try to negotiate a way both of you get some of what you want or you both agree on a completely new solution, a new quality world picture. Thus both of you meet your need for power with one another. I do not recommend that you do this every time there is a dispute. Rather, self-evaluate. How often are you letting your child win? How often are you winning? How many requests seem to be turning into battles over who will win? These are the areas that need to be considered as points of negotiation.

Peaceful Parenting® is a life-long process rather than a cook book solution. I recommend Peaceful Parenting® ideas to help you and your child learn how to meet you inherent needs: for fun, for power, for love and belonging, for freedom and for survival. Understanding and following what motivates all behavior (yours, and your child's) is offered as a process that will help and support you. Raising loving, respectful and responsible children is the most important job of our lives. Peaceful Parenting® is my contribution to help you be successful and happy during the process.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

http://www.peacefulparenting.com
Improve your family - Improve your world

Personal Responsibility What It Means And Whose Job Is It

2009-01-12T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Judy H. Wright

"How many times do I have to tell you to clean your room?" Why should a child keep his room neat? Many children say they don't care whether it is neat or dirty, so why should it matter to anyone else? Unless it is a health or safety hazard, or things are getting lost and broken? Then comes the age old question, "What is neat?" The answer certainly differs with a ten year old child and a thirty five year old Mom. Who is setting the standard of how clean a room must be to be acceptable.

What constitutes a neat and tidy room may not seem like such a big deal, but it represents a microcosm of how the family works together and how personal responsibility is taught and learned. Even though your child picks up his shoes without being reminded and turns in his homework assignments, it won't guarantee his success in life. It will, however, go far to help him to develop the characteristics and attributes that employers and mates look for.

In the next few minutes, as you read this article, you will find two different and distinct components of responsibility: outward and inward.

1. Outward responsibility deals with everyday life skills such as doing chores, cleaning the room, doing assigned chores, brushing teeth, returning videos on time, and feeding the dog. Each family has its own list of what they consider important, so we will not discuss particular tasks. Rather, we want you to focus on nurturing a positive attitude and good habits in your children - habits that will help them to be productive and reliable.

If your child has the responsibility to clean his room and you clean it for him, he has learned a valuable lesson. He has learned that if he stalls long enough or whines convincingly enough that you will step in. He has no "ownership" of the task. It is not really his job, it is yours and you occasionally get him to do it.

2. Inward responsibility deals with attitudes, beliefs, and values. Being inwardly responsible means admitting mistakes, treating others as you would like to be treated, being unselfish, and caring about other people's health, property and feelings. We frequently get bogged down with the frustration of dirty rooms and forget about more important factors like inward motivation.

Effective discipline and mindful parenting is setting reasonable limits on our children at different developmental stages but giving them choices so they can learn to form their own opinions.

Our goal is to help them become self-disciplined and to learn to think and problem solve without asking or being told what to do in every situation.

Aptitude and competence or the ability to accomplish a task is not nearly as important and vital to a happy life as attitude and confidence. This is the area where we help our children build self-esteem, problem solving skills, a can-do outlook, and positive expectations toward life.

What does it mean to teach your children responsibility?

All parents have a different answer and a different expectation of when and how their children will assume personal responsibility. Responsibility must be taught. It is not a natural skill, but it can be learned at any age. You do not become responsible when you are mature; rather, you become mature when you are responsible. There are four variables in this exciting venture:

1. Your child (learning style, age, motor skills, interest, hot buttons or incentives)

2. Your expectations (perfection or ever-learning; Being kind and firm in discipline)

3. Your example and how you model 'assuming personal responsibility' for your choices (use the four R's: Recognize, Remorse, Restitution, and Resolve to correct mistakes)

4. Consistency and follow-through (natural and logical consequences)

Focus on the learning experience, not the finished product

In teaching your children to assume personal responsibility focus your attention on the learning experience, not on the finished product. It is the process that is most important. Constantly remind yourself that you are a teacher and your subject matter is life skills. A good affirmation to repeat to yourself is one that comes from Dr. Wayne Dyer, "I will be as helpful as I can in assisting my children to help themselves."

A cooperative environment is one where everyone in the family wins; there are no losers. By learning to support and assist each other in small daily tasks, we set the stage for encouragement and a willingness to become self-reliant.

Good luck. As a word of encouragement, I have to tell you that, of our grown children, the ones who were the messiest as kids are the neatest as adults! Hang in there; there is hope for the future.

Adhd A Dialogue With A Nonbeliever Part Three

2009-01-11T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.

Dear Sir,

It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of our church. There were elements of the article that were insightful, helpful, and needed to be said in a public forum, especially the discussion of the moral and spiritual dimensions of behavior. For this part of the article I applaud Mr. W.

However, Mr. W's discussion on the physiological/biological aspects of ADD ADHD was lacking to the point of being misleading to the readers. I am sure that Mr. Welch had no intention of misleading any readers, as that would hardly reflect the "biblical guidelines with which to understand ADD" that he seeks to communicate. Therefore, for the sake of clarifying some details, may I present the following evidence. Perhaps in the near future you would run an article that would present some of this information to your readers, so that they have an accurate understanding of the disorder.

We continue the dialogue here in part three.

"The popular assumption is that there is an underlying biological cause for the behaviors, but the assumption is unfounded. Although there are dozens of biological theories to explain ADD, there are presently no physical markers for it; there are no medical tests that detect its presence. Food additives, birth and delivery problems, inner ear problems, and brain differences are only a few of the theories that are unsupported by evidence."

There are, in fact, biological causes for the behaviors.

Now, what are the "behaviors" that we are talking about? The "behaviors" of the diagnostic criteria. We are not talking about behaviors with a moral basis such as hitting your sister. We are talking about the specific behaviors of the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for ADHD.

"Although there are dozens of biological theories to explain ADD, there are presently no physical markers for it;"

Just because there are dozens of theories, most of which will prove to be wrong and go away, does not mean that one (or more) of the theories are not accurate descriptions of reality. In fact, research shows that there are several "physical markers" of ADHD.

Here are a few articles, both from peer reviewed journals and from the media discussing peer reviewed journal articles, that might be of interest to your readers. They are just 15 studies or articles about the various biological underpinnings of ADHD. It is certainly not a comprehensive list, as there have probably been more than 200 similar studies published in the past ten years alone. These are just the studies that I looked up last weekend for another project and already had in my word processor:

Brain Scan Found Effective in Diagnosing Attention Disorder
New York Times Syndicate - December 16, 1999
RICHARD SALTUS

Brain scans have identified a clear-cut chemical abnormality in people with attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder, a problem that makes life difficult for an estimated 3 to 5 percent of US schoolchildren, scientists say.. It could be a first step toward a long-sought objective test for ADHD, say researchers at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital.

Do executive function deficits differentiate between adolescents with ADHD and oppositional defiant/conduct disorder? A neuropsychological study using the Six Elements Test and Hayling Sentence Completion Test
J Abnorm Child Psychol 2000 Oct;28(5):403-14
Clark C, Prior M, Kinsella GJ
School of Psychological Science, La Trobe University, Victoria, Australia.

Two neuropsychological measures of executive functions--Six Elements Tests (SET) and Hayling Sentence Completion Test (HSCT)-were administered to 110 adolescents, aged 12-15 years. Participants comprised four groups: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) only (n = 35). ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder/Conduct Disorder (ODD/CD) (n = 38), ODD/CD only (n = 11), and a normal community control group (n = 26). Results indicated that adolescents with ADHD performed significantly worse on both the SET and HSCT than those without ADHD, whether or not they also had ODD/CD. The adolescents with ADHD and with comorbid ADHD and ODD/CD were significantly more impaired in their ability to generate strategies and to monitor their ongoing behavior compared with age-matched controls and adolescents with ODD/CD only. It is argued that among adolescents with clinically significant levels of externalizing behavior problems, executive function deficits are specific to those with ADHD. The findings support the sensitivity of these two relatively new tests of executive functions and their ecological validity in tapping into everyday situations, which are potentially problematic for individuals with ADHD.

Executive functions and developmental psychopathology.
J Child Psychol Psychiatry 1996 Jan;37(1):51-87
Pennington BF, Ozonoff S
Department of Psychology, University of Denver, CO 80208, USA.

In this paper, we consider the domain of executive functions (EFs) and their possible role in developmental psychopathologies. We first consider general theoretical and measurement issues involved in studying EFs and then review studies of EFs in four developmental psychopathologies: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), conduct disorder (CD), autism, and Tourette syndrome (TS). Our review reveals that EF deficits are consistently found in both ADHD and autism but not in CD (without ADHD) or in TS. Moreover, both the severity and profile of EF deficits appears to differ across ADHD and autism. Molar EF deficits are more severe in the latter than the former. In the few studies of more specific EF tasks, there are impairments in motor inhibition in ADHD but not in autism, whereas there are impairments in verbal working memory in autism but not ADHD. We close with a discussion of implications for future research.

Brain Differences in Attention Deficit Disorder

Scientists have strong new evidence that attention deficit disorder (ADD)--a condition in which children are hyperactive and have difficulty concentrating--stems from an abnormality in the brain. According to a report in today's Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, children with ADD have elevated nerve firing in a brain region involved in motor activity. In addition, the researchers found, Ritalin--the drug most commonly prescribed for the disorder--triggers a surprisingly different biochemical response in the brains of children with ADD than in those without the condition.

Reduction of (3H)-imipramine binding sites on platelets of conduct-disordered children.
Neuropsychopharmacology 1987 Dec;1(1):55-62
Stoff DM, Pollock L, Vitiello B, Behar D, Bridger WH
Medical College of Pennsylvania, Eastern Pennsylvania Psychiatric Institute, Department of Psychiatry.

Binding characteristics of tritiated imipramine on blood platelets were determined in daytime hospitalized prepubertal children who had mixed diagnoses of conduct disorder (CD) plus attention deficit disorder hyperactivity (ADDH) and in inpatient adolescents who had a history of aggressive behavior. The number of (3H)-imipramine maximal binding sites (Bmax) was significantly lower in the prepubertal patient group of CD plus ADDH; the dissociation constant (Kd) was not significantly different. There were significant negative correlations between Bmax and the Externalizing or Aggressive factors of the Child Behavior Checklist when the CD plus ADDH prepubertal patients were combined with their matched controls and within the adolescent inpatient group. We propose that a decreased platelet imipramine binding Bmax value, as an index of disturbed presynaptic serotonergic activity, is not specific to depression and may be used as a biologic marker for the lack of behavioral constraint in heterogeneous. populations of psychiatric patients.

Neuropsychiatric and neuropsychological findings in conduct disorder and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.
J Neuropsychiatry Clin Neurosci 1994 Summer;6(3):245-9
Aronowitz B, Liebowitz M, Hollander E, Fazzini E, Durlach-Misteli C, Frenkel M, Mosovich S, Garfinkel R, Saoud J, DelBene D, et al
Department of Psychiatry, New York State Psychiatric Institute, New York.

Neuropsychiatric and neuropsychological evaluations were performed in a pilot study of adolescents with DSM-III-R disruptive behavior disorders, including conduct disorder (CD) and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The following comparisons were made: 1) CD comorbid with ADHD vs. CD only; 2) all subjects with ADHD vs. all non-ADHD; and 3) all subjects with CD vs. all non-CD. The CD + ADHD group had increased left-sided soft signs compared with the CD group. CD + ADHD subjects significantly underperformed CD subjects on several executive functioning measures, with no differences on Verbal IQ subtests. Results are discrepant with previous findings of deficient verbal functioning in delinquent populations.

NIMH: Genetics Fact Sheets:Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Phenotype:Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has its onset in childhood and is characterized by developmentally inappropriate degrees of inattention, impulsiveness, and hyperactivity.

Epidemiology: In a large sample from the U.S. population, the prevalence of ADHD (male: female ratio) in school-age children was 6.7 percent (5.1:1)[2]. Depending on the use of adaptive functioning ratings to define definite maladjustment, prevalence estimates of 6.6 percent and 9.5 percent

Family Studies: Several studies demonstrate that ADHD aggregates in families [13-15]. The rates in probands' sibs in three older studies [16-18] ranged from 17 percent to 41 percent, with respective rates in controls' sibs ranging from zero to 8 percent [16, 17]. Rates of childhood ADHD in parents of hyperactive probands in several older studies ranged from 15 percent to 44 percent for fathers and 4 percent to 38 percent for mothers [19-22], although one study found no evidence of an increased rate of childhood ADHD in parents of ADHD probands

Twin Studies: Two small twin studies found that 4 of 4 [34] and 3 of 3 [35] MZ twins were concordant for ADHD. A larger twin study [33] reported respective MZ and dizygotic (DZ) probandwise concordance rates of 51 percent and 33 percent, with a heritability estimate of 64 percent.

Adoption Studies: Increased rates of hyperactivity or a history of hyperactivity have been found among both adopted-away sibs of children with ADHD [43] and the biological parents of hyperactive boys compared with controls [21, 44, 45].

Mode of Inheritance: Deutsch and colleagues found limited evidence in a small sample [46] for an incompletely penetrant autosomal dominant single major locus transmission. A segregation analysis of a different data set [25] also resulted in statistical evidence -- including estimates of transmission parameters that were not significantly different from Mendelian expectations -- for an incompletely penetrant dominant or additive autosomal single major locus [47]. Low penetrance estimates predicted that only 46 percent of boys and 31 percent of girls with the ADHD gene would develop the disorder.

Molecular Genetic Studies: A population-based association study reported evidence of an association between ADHD and an allele at the dopamine D2 receptor gene on 11q (p = 0.0003) [48], but this finding has not been replicated and was most likely an artifact of population stratification. The Tranmission Disequilibrium Test (TDT) [49] was used in a family-based association study to identify an association between ADHD and a specific allele at the dopamine transporter locus on 5p (p = 0.006) [50]. Another population-based association study found an association between ADHD and an allele at the dopamine D4 receptor on 11p (p = 0.01) [51].

Quantitative EEG and Auditory Event-Related Potentials in the Evaluation of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: Effects of Methylphenidate and Implications for Neurofeedback Training
J. F. Lubar, M. O. Swartwood, J. N. Swartwood, D. L. Timmermann
University of Tennessee

Neurophysiological correlates of Attention Deficit Disorder with and without Hyperactivity (ADD/HD) and effects of methylphenidate are explored using electroencephalographic (EEG) and auditory eventrelated potentials (ERPs). In the first of four studies, a database of ADD/HD individuals of varying ages and matched adolescent/adult controls is presented. Study 2 compares controls and age-matched children with ADD, and children with ADHD on and off methylphenidate. Study 3 examines habituation of the auditory ERPs of controls and children with ADHD both on and off methylphenidate. The relationship between successful neurofeedback training and EEG changes is presented in Study 4. Overall, these studies support a neurologic basis for ADD/HD and raise questions regarding the role of methylphenidate in modulating cortical processing.

Establishing an EEG Norm-Base for ADD v. non-ADD
Review of a journal article by Troy Janzen, Ken Graap, Stephan Stephanson, Wilma Marshall, and George Fitzsimmons, "Differences in Baseline EEG Measures for ADD and Normally Achieving Preadolescent Males" Biofeedback and Self-Regulation, Vol. 20, No. 1, 1995, pp. 65-82.

Three well known tests (WISC-R, WRMT-R, WRAT-R) were administered to all subjects prior to the main part of the study, a series of cognitive tests performed while connected to a 19 lead EEG cap. Findings:

The most consistent finding was that ADD subjects have significantly higher theta amplitudes (p < .05) for all sites at both baseline and while performing cognitive tasks.
There were also differences in the ratios of theta to beta and theta to SMR for baseline and all tasks at all sites, but the differences were significant only for some tasks at the parietal sites. The raw beta and SMR amplitudes themselves were not significantly different between the two groups. The authors conclude that although the number of subjects was small, there were significant differences that could be observed. These findings form a starter set of data for additional efforts.

ADHD PET Scan
Brain scan images produced by positron emision tomography (PET) show differences between an adult with Attention deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) (right) and an adult free of the disease (left).
Source: Alan Zametkin, M.D.
Section on Clinical Brain Imaging, Laboratory of Cerebral Metabolism
Division of Intramural Research Programs, NIMH, 1990

Need I go on? I have more!

As you can see, these studies focus on different issues, though most examine either executive functions, or the locations of the brain involved in executive functions, attention, or memory. It would be hard to conclude that because there are several neurological differences in the brains of ADHD individuals vs. non-ADHD individuals, that somehow that equated to there being no neurological differences. In fact the differences are real and measurable.

This is the end to part three of this discussion. You can learn more about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder by visiting the ADHD Information Library's family of web sites.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

The Cost Of Competition On Kids

2009-01-10T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Rae Pica

The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty strong feelings in the United States. In fact, even hinting that competition might not be such a great thing can cause one to be labeled un-American.

The prevailing belief is that competition is good for everyone that someone without a strong competitive nature is just a wimp. That being competitive is human nature and to be noncompetitive is to have been born without a necessary gene.

But is it human nature, or is it learned behavior? The research shows that, given a choice, most preschoolers prefer cooperative to competitive activities. This would seem to indicate that dog-eat-dog is not a natural inclination. And in a New York Times essay, Nicholas Kristof told a hilarious story about trying to teach the game of musical chairs to a group of five-year-old Japanese children, who kept politely stepping out of the way so others could sit in their chairs. This would certainly seem to indicate "dog-eat-dog" is taught in some societies and not taught in others.

In America we play musical chairs in child-care centers, during play dates, and at almost every preschooler's birthday party. The rules say that a chair is removed with every round and one more child gets to sit against the wall and watch everybody else continue to have fun. The game is over when there remains one winner and lots of losers.

In case you don't recall from your own childhood (or maybe you were always the one winner among many losers), being eliminated feels lousy, as does feeling like a loser. And those other kids you're playing with? For the duration of the game they're not your friends; they're what's standing in your way. Children only have to play this game once to know that, if they're not going to be labeled losers, they have to do whatever it takes to win. And we've all seen what that means: punching, poking, kicking, scratching, screaming, and shoving. It's no wonder the research shows that competition fosters antisocial behaviors.

When parents consistently place their children in situations where winning is the ultimate goal where the winners are considered heroes and the losers "losers" winning is what they come to value. They learn that only the end result counts, not the process involved in getting there. Further, when parents themselves fail to conduct themselves with character, their actions speak much louder than any words preached about good sportsmanship and the value of teamwork and cooperation. While the goal of many parents is to give their children a running start on the development of sports skills (because success in sports certainly must equal success in life!), the research shows that competition is actually detrimental to skill development. One reason is fear of failure and its resulting stress, which isn't conducive to either learning or performance. Young children, in particular, are susceptible to this problem because pleasing their parents means so much to them. And when their parents focus on winning either through action (screaming on the sidelines) or words (asking "Who won?" instead of "Did you have fun?") winning becomes the children's goal as well.

Of course, you may think the goal of winning would be enough to propel children into performing their best. But young children aren't cognitively ready to make that connection. They attribute winning or losing to ability, not effort. Nor are they emotionally ready to handle the pressure of playing mistake-free games. And they're not physically ready to play without making mistakes!

Finally, when product (winning) is emphasized over process (making an effort), extrinsic reward is granted more validity than intrinsic reward. As a result, trophies and championships become the whole point of participation. And while this may not seem like such a bad thing in a goal-oriented society, we're back to the issue of the young child's stage of development. Children under the age of eight are motivated by pleasure. And, yes, winning feels good when everyone around you is making a big deal out of it. But does that feeling last? And what about the children who aren't winning?

Dare I say it? Winning isn't everything. And if we want our children to grow up to be self-assured, character-driven adults who also happen to have positive feelings about physical activity then it really shouldn't be.

Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education groups throughout North America. You can visit her and read more articles at http://www.movingandlearning.com.

Are Your Kids At Risk Of Obesity

2009-01-10T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Kim Beardsmore

Kids need physical activity. We all know that, but if you are a parent have you stopped to consider how much physical activity your child has had today? It's clear that children in the US and other developed countries such as Australia and the UK are getting more and more overweight and our children are moving less each day.

Kids need a total of about 60 minutes of physical activity a day, but this does not have to be all at one time. Short ten or even 5 minute bouts of activity through the day are just as good. If you children are not used to being activity, encourage them to start with what they can do and build up to 60 minutes a day.

Here are some ways to help encourage your child to be active and get moving every day.

1. Set a good example. If your children see that you are physically active and have fun, they are more likely to be active and stay active throughout their lives. Take the dog for a regular walk, get on a bike, play cricket in the backyard.

2. Encourage your child to join a sports team or class, such as soccer, dance, basketball, or gymnastics at school or at your local community or recreation center.

3. Be sensitive to your child's needs. If your child feels uncomfortable participating in activities like sports, help him or her find physical activities that are fun and not embarrassing.

4. Be active together as a family. Assign active chores such as making the beds, washing the car, or vacuuming. Plan active outings such as a trip to the zoo, picnics or a walk through a local park.

5. Because his or her body is not ready yet, do not encourage your pre-adolescent child to participate in adult-style physical activity such as long jogs, using an exercise bike or treadmill, or lifting heavy weights. FUN physical activities are best for kids.

Kim Beardsmore M.B.A. (H.R.M.), B.Sc. (Biochemistry) is an independent Herbalife distributor, weight loss coach and creator of the online health & fitness magazine Weight Loss Health. For a free weight loss consultation, newsletter and resources to help you lose weight and keep it off forever, visit http://weight-loss-health.com.au Your online Herbalife store at http://weightlosshealth.herbalcoach.com Herbalife business opportunity: http://free2liv.com

Parenting

2009-01-09T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Stephen Graham

Many of us end up in this fortunate situation. Some of us plan on this opportunity and for others it happens as a matter of chance. We usually welcome this situation with happiness. Some do not relish the thought of parenthood and are very resentful about their predicament. Some of us possess an inborn attitude to handle the stress and joy of parenthood and some do not. Parenthood can bring out the best and sometimes the worst in people. We initially enjoy intimate relations with our partner involved in this situation. The relationship can deteriorate into unfortunate circumstances. A relationship can decay over time. Many relationships decline into one of separation. Historically women have been given greater power in the control over their children by the court system. Divorce and separation bring forth huge amounts of guilt and resentment towards the other partner. Men are beginning to enjoy the same equal rights and status as their female counterparts have enjoyed historically over time. In this day and age it is the fortunate couple who survive the pressures of a relationship or marriage over a considerable time period.

Many parents share the responsibilities of parenting from different physical locations. Relationships sour and new partners are acquired. Separated couples have to learn to cope with this phenomenon. It is easier for some separated couples to accomplish this than it is for others. One parent may be driven out of the situation by anger or resentment. Many parents are faced with desertion by the other partner. One parent may lose contact with their children because of the problems caused by these dilemmas. In the me first generation that we live in it is very difficult to sustain positive relationships over a period of time.

Many children do not possess the ability to differentiate problems between their parents and are not able to come to a comfortable resolution concerning those problems. They continue to love each parent and become very confused and resentful about the situation. Many young children can be adopted or absorbed by a family unit consisting of a step mother or father. The results can be quite favorable if the step parent gives parental loving care and takes the responsibility for that child. The step parent can determine that the child will not be treated any differently than his or her biological children and act accordingly. In these situations the child can be raised to maturity without suffering any ill effects caused by parental separation.

The parents living with the child should make every attempt to give time to that child and his learning experience. They should parent with a firm but gentle hand. Children can become involved in many situations that are both detrimental to their physical and emotional health. Parents should keep a watchful eye on the behavior of their children and the people that they associate with. There are many adults that are just waiting for the chance to prey on children. Negative influences on a child can have lasting effects and cause problems well into adulthood. Education and good behavior should be stressed. Bad behavior should be discouraged. Tolerance for their neighbors and friends should be encouraged. There have been many plans put forth by so called experts on the correct way to raise children. Many of the plans differ dramatically and are at odds with one another. Use the plans of an expert or follow the path of your heart. Expectations are high. The children of today are the leaders of tomorrow. Most parents expect the best from their children and offer their best in return.

Stephen Graham: Writes articles from life experiences and psychological studies.

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Thirteen Values You Can Teach Through Homework

2009-01-09T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Oma Edoja

Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to your kids? Do you worry that you can't find the time, or don't know how? You don't need thirty-minute multi-media presentations! You can do it with homework. In those precious moments you spend supervising your child's homework, here are thirteen values you can subtly pass on:

1) Responsibility:
It's their homework, not yours, and it's them being assessed, not you. You'll help, but they'll do it, sans bribes and sans tantrums!

2) Integrity:
School rules regarding homework are to be kept; even though teacher isn't there e.g. "Thou shalt not "Xerox" thy friend's homework, but shalt do thine own." In other words, no cheating. They might get away with it at first, but the teacher is smart enough to catch on soon enough. Besides, they learn from doing their own work, and it helps the teacher find out where they need help.

3) Diligence:
Shoddy work won't do. They've got to pay proper attention and be thorough (it's parents' job to ensure this). Whatever's worth doing is worth doing well.

4) Punctuality:
Homework must be done, and handed in on time. Punctuality is a sign of self-respect, and respect for others. It shows how much you care.

5) Discipline:
In other words, self-control. Work comes before pleasure, so homework comes before TV/ Barbie/Play Station etc. The aim is to avoid forgetting it, rushing it later or doing shoddy work at the last minute.

6) Order:
Neat handwriting, proper arrangement of facts, careful handling of materials, stapling papers together, numbering pages etc. Work is easier when done orderly and the results are better appreciated. Order, or the lack of it, tells the kind of person you are. Orderly work earns you respect.

7) Justice:
You read right! You reap what you sow - good grades come from hard work, and following homework rules. Poor grades come from doing the opposite. Don't do it at all and you'll be penalized. And no, I won't make excuses for you to the teacher!

8) Excellence:
Your kids might not be A-students, but it's important that they work to the best of their ability. All my kids are left-handed so they all started off writing a few letters backwards. While I know that our pet isn't a "bog", and we don't sleep in a "ded", I did appreciate their efforts, and desire to complete assignments promptly and orderly. At four years of age that was acceptable. The focus here is on doing their best.

9) Self-improvement:
The more they practice, the better they get. You know they did the same thing yesterday (and the day before!), but today they're doing it better! Even mum, dad and the teacher learn to do things better everyday. It's important to always get better than you were yesterday. Never stop growing; you can never know it all.

10) Work ethic:
This deals with their beliefs about work (so don't let them hear you moan about Monday morning!). Work is a good thing, whether it's homework or any other kind. Work gets things done, and you feel good with the results. If you don't work, nothing gets done. When people don't do their work it creates problems for them, and others. So, homework is good for you. And parents, we've got to make this fun!

11) Choices:
There's always so much to do, and so little time. So we've got to choose what's important now, and leave the rest till later. The choices we make affect our lives, and we have to live with their consequences e.g. if you choose to watch TV/ go to a party/ play with a friend rather than doing homework, you will be penalized at school, get poor grades (if this is a habit) and not learn much. Kids must learn to think of the consequences of their actions.

12) Handling criticism:
We learn from our mistakes. Don't take it personally when the teacher marks your work wrong or asks you to repeat it. It's all for your good.

13) Team spirit:
Ask for help when you need it. Study with friends. No one is an island, no one knows everything. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness but strength it shows you can assess your situation, and know what to do in a crisis.

These are just thirteen values you can teach at homework time (of course, not all at once!). And now that you've got the hang of it, I believe you can find some more! The key is to make the whole experience fun private "you-and-me" time. No judging, just nudging.

No doubt you will pass on those values and create many pleasant memories in the process.

Happy homework time!

Oma Edoja is a motivational speaker, writer, infopreneur and former award-winning schoolteacher. She is also "mom" to three kids! Oma enjoys running inspirational programs for kids and teens, and motivational workshops for adults. Visit her web logs: http://theparentingmix.blogspot.com (for parenting insights and a few laughs!) and http://omaslounge.blogspot.com (for motivation and inspiration).

Teaching Your Children With Coupons

2009-01-08T04:00:00.003-08:00

Writen by Melanie Breeze

Coupons can be a great tool in educating your child about saving money, being frugal, and shopping smart. Who doesn't want their children to grow up knowing how to save easily on every purchase? With coupon clipping you'll show them money saving skills they can use throughout their life!

Teaching your child with coupons can start at an early age. Pointing all of the inserts of the coupons in your Sunday paper can be a great way to teach children the colors. It is also a good way to read to your children, and the time spent will show them the value that coupons can bring to their life.

As your child grows, you can let them take a more active role in using the coupons you collect together. Letting them in on helping to manage your coupon folder will show them the importance of time and money management. Go through and get rid of old coupons together, pointing to a calendar to let them learn about time and expiration. Show them that organization and thinking ahead of a purchase will help them save money. These savings can be applied throughout their life, so it's important to get them playing an active role in your coupon management.

Another thing that makes coupons so great in your child's education is it teaches them math and counting skills. You can point out dollars off, letting them subtract from the purchase price, and teach them how much value can come from something that's free. You can calculate percentages and add savings amounts. Another idea is to let them get an allowance from all the savings they find. This will not only help motivate them to find great deals, but it can help you save a lot of money at the same time.

We all know the internet is playing an increasing role in everyone's lives. Did you know that coupons have found their way online? For most purchases you can always find an online coupon or promotion code that can be applied at checkout. Make sure to show your children about this easy way to save money by simply spending a couple minutes to find a coupon. And, these types of savings are still free and are even easier to find! You can just search on any of the search engines like Google or Yahoo and find a huge range of coupons for any retailer. Not only will this teach your child about coupons but they'll be learning the value of using computers and the internet to save them money.

We don't think about it much, but starting early to teach with your children with coupons is very important. They will learn about the calendar, math, and saving money. These tools you teach them now will last throughout their life, so make sure to get an early start in coupon clipping with kids!

Melanie Breeze CouponChief.com provides free online coupon codes and discounts for hundreds of popular internet retailers. With a newsletter and RSS feeds, they syndicate new coupon codes and discounts to motivated online shoppers.

Summer Camp Care Packages

2009-01-08T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Rachel Paxton

Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks forward to it every year. I can't believe next summer will be her last opportunity to go to camp before she goes off to college.

Our daughter started going to summer camp when she was in middle school and has gone every year since. She finally graduated from camper and kitchen help to camp counselor this year. Every year I send her a care package with candy and other treats and she always looks forward to receiving it.

Our daughter just returned from spending two weeks on a ministry trip to Honduras, was home for one day, and then is going off to church camp for a week. I knew we wouldn't have much time to talk between trips, so I decided to write letters to her to send to her at camp.

I wrote to her about some of my day-to-day activities and about what she was missing in the news. I wrote about Hurricane Dennis and how worried I was for her so far away from home. I told her she was always in my prayers and how much I missed her.

Just in the two weeks she was gone she missed her baby brother's hair falling out and her brothers' first colds. I knew she missed her baby brothers very much and missed their baby hugs and kisses. I told her about what they were doing and that they missed her too.

Because we like to spend a lot of time talking about our spiritual lives, I shared with her what I had been learning in my daily devotions and shared what my prayers were for her.

I wrote three letters to my daughter to open on different days and included pictures of her brothers that she likes to carry around with her wherever she goes. I packaged up the letters with some candy and sent her care package off to her today.

If you decide to write to your child at camp, here are a few tips:

* If your children are young and this is their first time away from home, make sure to send several letters to let them know you're thinking about them and that you miss them.

* Have other family members write to your child also. Kids love to receive mail.

* If you have a child who would be embarrassed by letters from home, just send a care package with some of their favorite candy or other small items. One year I sent my daughter a pair of Sponge Bob boxer briefs, and they were the hit of the camp.

* Be creative with your packing. You can use a 2-liter pop bottle as a mailing container. Cut a slit in the side to place items in it and then tape over the slit. The kids will get a kick out of seeing what's in the bottle.

* Depending on how long it takes the mail to get to the camp or how long your child will be gone, you may have to mail the package the day your child leaves, or even before they leave.

* If you know any of the other kids at camp, like your child's closest friends, don't be afraid to send them a note or treat too. I often send thinking-of-you cards to some of my daughter's friends, and I know they love receiving mail from people other than their parents.

In this day and age, letter writing is becoming a dying art. If my daughter keeps the letters I wrote her someday they will be a special keepsake for her, capturing an exciting time in her life.

We don't always take the time to do little things for our kids or tell them how we feel about them. Writing to them at camp is a great way to keep in touch with them while also sending them a welcome treat.

How Does God Have Patience With Us

2009-01-07T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by Carey Kinsolving

"God waits until he gets his turn," says Savannah, age 5.

His turn?

This sounds like something my elementary school principal might have said when I was called to his office. In my case, "his turn" usually translated into a paddle being applied to the seat of my pants.

God has patience with us "by waiting in line," says Ashton, 5. I suppose he's waiting in line to get his turn. Perhaps Ashton was considering how we make God wait in line by trying to solve problems by ourselves instead of turning to him for answers.

"God has patience with me and everyone else because we all mess up a lot," says Gary, 10. "Twenty-four hours a day, someone is sinning," adds Andrew, 11.

Or as Emily, 8, says, "God knows what's going on."

"God has patience with us because he is so, so, so very nice," says Christian, 7. Yes, God is nice or gracious in that he doesn't judge us immediately when we sin against him. But don't mistake God's slowness to anger for a compromise of his righteousness. Rather, his patience gives us time to turn to him.

"If God didn't have patience, we wouldn't be here right now," says Peter, 10. Yes, we wouldn't be "here" to "hear" God patiently calling us. The Apostle Paul wrote that those who harden their hearts against God store up his wrath against themselves for Judgment Day. Another translation reads "treasuring up for yourself wrath" (Romans 2:5).

Who in their right mind would want to invest in a "Wrath Account" administered by God?

"God has patience with us because he is perfect," says Madeline, 11. "God knows we are like sheep and are not smart. God knows we are sinners and need His mercy. God can give us His mercy when we ask for it."

Sheep grazing in green valleys seem so peaceful. It's easy to forget that sheep are not the brightest of God's creatures. Without a good shepherd, they're vulnerable to all kinds of hazards.

The prophet Isaiah wrote: "All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" (Isaiah 53:6).

In the ultimate paradox, Jesus is both the sacrificial lamb who dies for the sins of the world and the good shepherd who gives his life for the sheep. "God has patience with us because he had to sit and watch his son die on the cross," says Trey, 11. "He is waiting for us to believe in him," adds Elizabeth, 9.

"God wants us to be patient with others to show them we are Christians," says Sarah, 10. One of the biblical words used for patience is "perseverance." It's not just passively tolerating unpleasant circumstances. It's active endurance in the face of adversity. The Apostle Paul wrote to the new Christians at Corinth that the signs of an apostle, which included miracles, were "accomplished among you with all perseverance."

Sarah is right on target. If Christians belong to a patient Father, his patience should be reflected in their lives. Persevering patience in the lives of Christians is one of the best advertisements to those who don't know Jesus. Try turning the other cheek after you've been slapped with injustice, ridicule or scorn for believing in a man who rose from the dead almost 2,000 years ago.

Point to ponder: Patience is perseverance in the face of adversity or injustice.

Scripture to remember: "For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls" (Hebrews 12:3).

Question to consider: Is Jesus prompting you to show his patience to someone?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see Carey's Kid TV Interviews and more, visit http://www.KidsTalkAboutGod.org/ The Kids Talk About God website contains free, online content for children and families. Print free lessons from the "Kids Color Me Bible" and make your own book. Watch for free the adventures of an 11-year-old girl traveling around the world, visiting missionaries in the Mission Explorers Streaming Video. Print Bible pictures drawn by kids that illustrate Scripture verses. Receive a complimentary, weekly e-mail subscription to our Devotional Bible Lessons. Bible quotations in this column are from the New King James Version.

Children Learn What You Teach So Be Careful What You Teach

2009-01-05T04:00:00.001-08:00

Writen by David Perdew

On our swing through Tennessee last weekend, we stopped to see my daughter -- my oldest child -- who had moved there from Atlanta last year. She took a new job in the whitewater rafting business.

She loves the outdoor recreation industry. Her old job was in the same business, but she worked in an office building in Atlanta managing several outposts in north Georgia. She decided it didn't make much sense to live in the city if she loved being in the country. I'm proud of her for making that rational decision that helped her move her life in a more peaceful direction.

From an early age, I pushed my kids to do well, to be the best, to see no limitations, to succeed in everything. It's the American way. We think happiness is achieved, that it just can't possibly just be. That's the way I lived. It was the way I'd been taught, just as I was teaching what I knew to my kids.

Unfortunately, what I set up was a world where they could never achieve enough -- even after I realized the error of my ways years ago.

Albert Einstein, one of my favorite spiritual gurus, had a different take on it:

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

(Young parents, take note: It's nearly impossible to undo what you've done in your children's early years. The only thing you can do later is be a better example.)

So, as our first visit drew near, my daughter said, "I'm really nervous about showing you where I live. There's a junk yard next door."

See! There it is. That fear that dad will be judgmental. It shows up less frequently now, but I know that's it's always lurking in the background. Yet, I couldn't be more proud of her.

But when we arrived, she was standing on the front porch of a little batten board cabin at the base of a range of Tennessee mountains. The cabin was really nice, clean, well-decorated and -- next to a junkyard.

So what? She's happy.

How great is that? After all those years of judgment, my daughter has figured out a way to be happy. I'm so proud of her.

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