Stimulating Nurturing And Communicating With Your Child

Writen by Linda Milo

To help your baby develop a good attitude about him or herself, and to discover that life is exciting and wonderful, two things are most important: talking and touching. All children are born with the capacity to understand words and to learn to talk. Children start to communicate their needs from the moment they are born. When your baby hears your voice, he will stop what he is doing and listen. At about four months old, your baby will respond with noises when someone is talking to him. The first sounds your baby makes sound like e's and eh's and a's. These are called "discomfort sounds" of crying. A cry will sound like e, eh, and a. Your baby also communicates with gestures, facial expressions, and body movements.

Very soon after birth, a baby will also learn the sounds of ah, oh, and oo. These are called "comfort sounds" and you can usually hear them when your baby is content. Paying attention to these different sounds helps to establish a way your baby can talk to you. Every baby understands that when he makes these sounds, his mother or father will respond by doing something. At about six months of age, these sounds will show up in combination. This is the point when your baby will start to babble.

When your child starts "baby talk," your response should be smiles and praises. Imitate that sound back to your child. When you imitate these sounds, he'll probably say them right back to you. Hug your child and tell him how pleased you are that he is talking. How much and in what way our child will talk depends, to a great extent, on you. A child hears his first words from his parents and for the first few years most of the speech they continue to hear is from you. If a lot of talking goes on in the home, particularly directed to them, they will assume speech is important. They will work harder at speaking and will talk sooner and more.

Language develops by speaking with your child as much as possible. Whenever you're feeding, changing, bathing, and walking your child, talk to him. When you talk to your children, they are learning to put words to certain actions and objects. This helps your child express his needs in words. In order for you to share more complicated thoughts and ideas, your child must begin to develop language, speech at first and then writing. Just a few simple sounds during the first year of life will lead to the use of thousands of words by the time your child is a teenager.

Another wonderful way to stimulate language development is by reading to your child daily. You can read during the day or before bedtime. Hearing your voice communicates love and security to your child. Many parents tell me that their child let's them know they want to be read to when they being a book out of their book basket or shelf and hand it to their parent's to read to them.

Children's feelings are a good way to stimulate and nurture your child. Use words to describe how you think your child is feeling: "Jane looks very unhappy right now," or "Tim is feeling happy." Putting words to feelings will help your child express how they feel. This is a lifelong skill that will benefit your child's self-esteem and thoughts of himself. With the ability to use words, phrases and sentences, your child gains mastery of his environment by expressing his needs and understanding the needs of others.

Your child is a natural born explorer. There are many ways to help your child develop a sense of touch and stimulation, which helps in his overall development. Every child likes to touch, taste, grab, twist, bite, and pull on anything within their reach. Giving your child safe things to play with and touch helps their eye-hand coordination and sense of exploration. Here are some ways to help stimulate your child's development:

· Give your child things of different colors and sizes.
· Dance and sing with your child in your arms.
· Stimulate your child's body by a daily full body massage.
· Children love when you play with their hands and feet and tickle them gently.
· Stimulate your child with gentle rocking and singing songs.
· Give your child safe things to touch: objects that are soft, fuzzy, sticky, hard, squishy, etc.
· Show your child his and your face in a large mirror.

Stimulating, nurturing and communicating with your child from the day of his birth creates a conscious effort on your part to encourage your child to find life exciting and wonderful. Your child's physical, intellectual, language and social and emotional development depends upon your interactions with your child. You are the person your child most imitates throughout his lifetime. So give your child the best start in life by providing a loving, stimulating and caring environment that sends the message, "I love you and want the best for you."

Copyright © 2006 by Linda Milo and Empowering Parents Now. All rights reserved.

Linda Milo, The Parent-Child Connection Coach, specializes in helping mothers and fathers turn their parenting challenges into a more livable, more workable, and more enjoyable family life. Her FREE better parenting newsletter covers specific, proven, and immediately usable methods for overcoming the most common parenting challenges. Visit http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com to subscribe to her FREE newsletter, and you'll also receive her FREE Special Report.

Parenting Your Teenger You Know You Are Growing Up When

Writen by Jeff Herring

It happened today in my office. I kid that had been going at it with her mom over every single issue said the magic words:

"It's been a pretty good week, I got some things done even though my mom was bugging me to do it."

One of the clearest signs of a maturing teenager is when they can do somthing even though their parents want them to or even suggested it.

Rebellion gets old

Of course the rebellious stage gets old for parents. But did you know it gets old for the teenager too?

When every issue becomes a battle for independence, even the strongest of heart can wear out after a long period of time.

Not only does making every issue a battle for independence wears you out, it lowers any negotiating power you have. If you fight everything, what's the point? Gold would not be worth much if we had an abundance of it to go around.

Learning to pick her battles

One the the most important thing this kid is learning is how to pick her battles. She has learned to save the drama for issues that are worth having drama about, and not fight over every little thing.

One more step along the road to maturity, and hopefully a more quiet house and happier family.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Kids Online Are Your Kids Behaving

Writen by Richard French

Today most teens use the Internet and most use it the way it should be used. Things like chatting with friends, finding information for homework, playing games etc. However, as we all know many teens, and adults, explore a little deeper into the Internets dark side. Teens that are doing this will exhibit fairly common behaviors while viewing inappropriate material online. Some signs to watch for are;

1.) They seem to panic when you approach them while their online?

2.) When you see the computer screen, while they are online, the internet is closed, even though you heard typing minutes before.

3.) They startle very easy while online.

4.) They have something between them and you, i.e. a chair to slow down an inquisitive parent or sibling. This buys them time to close any windows they don't want you to see.

5.) The Internet history is always clean, i.e. they delete it.

Now, what can you do to verify if something is wrong or not?

While they are online at a time when you suspect something is wrong you need to walk up on them and have them stop what they are doing. Depending on how you want to handle this you can say you need the computer now or tell them what you are doing. Whichever you choose to do you need immediate access to the computer, do not allow them to close windows. Once your on the computer open any windows that have been minimized. Then review the history logs. See TheParentsEdge Monitoring 101 for a step by step guide on how to review your history logs.

This isn't foolproof but should work fairly well. The only fool proof way to know what's going on with your computer is to monitor it with software. All parents should have monitoring software installed on their computer. We simply cannot let our kids go online without some restrictions and some form of control. Ther are just to many bad people out their looking to take advantage of our kids.

Richard French is a father of 5 and his site TheParentsEdge is dedicated to help parents keeps their kids safe while online. With how to's, step by step guides,news,safe surfing rules and more TheParentsEdge is designed to give parents the "edge" in todays tech savvy teen world. Free step by step guide How to block websites with IE

The Better Behavior Wheel A New Kind Of Calm In The Family

Writen by Gina Ritter

There's a new kind of fun and calm out there in the name of the Better Behavior Wheel, invented by Julie Butler and her family in central British Columbia. In an interesting twist on charts and discipline, this versatile wheel can be hung on a wall or toted with you in the car and on vacations.

It's a way to get whole family involvement, and a little bit of humor to get us over the discipline bumps. Kayla Fay, publisher of Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet? says, "This is the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down! Only a loving parent could come up with such an effective way to discipline children."

As the Wheel Turns

Originally, the wheel sprang from constant battles between Julie's 9- and 12-year-old children, David and Laura. With battles raging in their home, Julie and her husband decided they must find some way to keep the peace. Julie says, "We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet. One night, in desperation, we called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family."

The kids were sent to their room to come up with at least six appropriate consequences for their next fight. David and Laura presented the family with consequences like:

Clean the other person's room Do dishes for the other person Make the other person's bed for a week Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week Make a list of ten good things about the other person Hug and make up….

These suggestions were arranged around the perimeter of a board, and a spinner attached to the middle. The premise was that the spinner would choose the consequence for them, and they would hang the board in plain view in the kitchen. Julie remembers, "We crossed our fingers, and waited. And waited. It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we'd see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped."

Of course, the battle was won, but not the war. Ten days later, the fighting began again, but this time they were prepared. Says Julie, "We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!"

Once the fighting subsided, Julie realized there were other behaviors she also wished to curb. "It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they'd leave the TV on when they went to bed. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?"

Eventually, eight themes were added: Excessive Arguing Leaving the Lights On Not Putting Things Away A Job Poorly Done Stretching the Truth Taking Without Asking Talking Back Wheel of Just Desserts (rewards)

Forty-eight consequences and 16 rewards are printed on peel-and-stick paper with colorful eye-catching graphics, enabling parents to customize the wheel to meet their family's needs. Just cut them out and stick them on. It's very easy to make up your own consequences and themes.

Interestingly, Julie says the wheel lowers her stress, keeps the consequences appropriate, and removes parents from the "Bad Guy" label. In the past, she and her husband would have to repeatedly ask David to do something, only to hear him say, "I know." This would come to a boil, and in anger they would yell and exact a punishment too harsh for the infraction.

Now, the wheel does all the work.

"David, it's 8:15; you haven't started the dishes yet. I'm afraid we'll have to spin the wheel."

"But, Mom!"

"I'm sorry, Dear. It's really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don't land on a really bad consequence."

Julie says, "The amazing thing is, we're no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It's no longer 'us against them'. It's the wheel that they have to answer to. But the greatest thing of all is that we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder."

What Else?

The Butlers' website, www.better-behavior.com , shows some parents of ADHD children have found the wheel to be a wonderful program. That is great news for many! Every parent should work with their child's personality and decide if the wheel is right for them, keeping in mind that every program doesn't work with every child.

There are a couple of letters on Julie's site from parents asking for help with children who are completely out of control. One mother says her five-year-old "beats (his big sister), kills animals, curses, and destroys everything in his path." Another mother said her six-year-old adopted daughter has angry outbursts and goes in cycles. She wondered what to do when her child refuses the consequences and it starts another battle.

These are warning signs of something more serious than just a discipline problem. Often, young children and teenagers exhibiting these symptoms have a physical problem that can cause behavioral changes, such as infections, Lyme Disease and thyroid problems. Mental disorders such as early-onset bipolar disorder can also cause very similar symptoms and must be diagnosed and treated immediately.

In these cases, the Wheel would not be appropriate and medical intervention is needed immediately. For help, contact your pediatrician and look for information on these diseases and disorders on the Internet.

However, there is still a possibility that the wheel will be valuable with a child who is stabilized. Again, parents will have to make the decision to try the wheel according to each child.

The Last Word

Parents of children with normal behavior and discipline problems are encouraged to try this wheel and have a little fun with discipline! Bringing the whole family into the discipline decision-making is an excellent way to work as a team and come to a peaceful solution. The wheel isn't meant to exact negative punishment on a child, but rather remind them to pick their battles and mind their parents.

Teachers and parents alike will find the wheel very useful in classrooms and homes everywhere with children ages four and up!

Gina Ritter is a personal life coach for parents and publisher of www.naturalfamilyonline.com. She lives in New York with her husband and three boys (who also spin in the kitchen).

Helping Your Child To Make Friends

Writen by Jane Orville

No matter how you decide to educate your child with Down syndrome, there will still be the issue of socialization – making friends. One of the biggest worries of parents with a Down syndrome child is:

Will my child be teased? How will I help my child with this and any hurt feelings?

Believe it or not, it is not typically the children you have to worry about – it is their parents. Most children will be accepting of your child. Parents, however, have often been taught that Down syndrome children need to be isolated and can't do much. They may think that your child should not be included in activities with their child.

The best thing you can do is to invite other children over to play. Make friends with the other child and their parents. Let them know about Down syndrome. Help them to understand that your child is more like their child than different. It is amazing what happens as people begin to understand. Understanding leads to acceptance.

This does not mean that your child will never be teased or never be hurt. The fact is that most children, with or without Down syndrome experience some teasing and hurtful comments. This does not make it right, but it is a sad fact of life.

One of the best defenses is to let your child know from the very beginning that she is different, but that differences are OK. Let her know that we all are different! This way, if your child encounters teasing, she will be able to say, "Yes I am different. All people are different, and so am I."

By Jane Orville

Jane Orville is the mother of a 17 year old Daughter with Down Syndrome and has spent years researching and compiling all the wisdom she has gained into a simple guide to assist parents deal with the concerns of raising a child with Down Syndrome. For more information see…

http://www.down-syndrome-help.com

Say No To Mealtime Mayhem Eating Out With Your Baby Or Toddler

Writen by Sharon Hurley Hall

Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children. Their short attention span and need to be involved in everything will mean a nightmare for you, they say. They're wrong. We eat out regularly with our two year old and have a wonderful time. Here are a few tips to make sure that you can do it too.

First of all, make sure you choose a family-friendly restaurant. Look out for easily accessible (and clean) high chairs, a willingness to warm milk, free bibs and baby food (available at some rest stops and motorway service stations) and entertainment for your child in the form of crayons and paper or a soft play area.

In case none of this is available, you need to take your entertainment with you. Crayons and paper, an etch-a-sketch or other drawing board toy and a couple of books are often enough to distract your child from any thoughts of mayhem.

Choose your time carefully. Ideally, you should arrive half an hour or so before your child's regular mealtime, so that their food arrives on time. And don't even think about going out when your child is already tired - you'll be setting yourself up for the evening from hell.

Children are bad at waiting, so you'll need a food backup in case your order is late. Pack a box of raisins or snack bar. Although you're not supposed to take food from outside into eating establishments, if you politely explain that the alternative is a screaming child, they'll definitely turn a blind eye.

When placing your order, ask for your child's meal to be delivered first. That way, you can do any cutting up that's required and start the feeding process early and you'll be free to focus on your own meal when it arrives.

Make dining out interesting for your child. Talk about what you're going to order; point out what waiters and waitresses are doing; take a tour of the salad bar; discuss whatever's on the walls. Your child will be pleased to be included and won't even think about having a meltdown.

Once you've finished your main meal, ask for your bill at the same time as dessert. You'll want to make a quick getaway once you've demolished a sweet treat, because by then your little darling will be running out of patience.

We've been taking our daughter into restaurants before she could sit up. At first she was in a car seat, then a high chair, and now she can sit on a big chair (she's very proud of that!) She can order her own food (with please and thank you) and talk about what's happening. Don't think she's a paragon of virtue, because she's not - she's a very spirited two year old. But she enjoys eating out and generally behaves well enough for us to stay in the restaurant for an hour and a half or more. Since the parenting books claim that half an hour is pushing it, we don't think that's half bad. Why don't you try it, too?

Sharon Hurley Hall is a freelance writer, ghostwriter and editor. Sharon worked in publishing for 18 years, writing articles and editing and designing books and magazines. She has also lectured on journalism. For more information or to contact Sharon, visit doublehdesign.com Read more of Sharon's writing at her blog

Parenting Your Teenager The 4 Ds Of Time With Family

Writen by Jeff Herring

How would you like to have more time? Of course we all want more time. There are just two problems: 1. We can't add more hours to the day; 2. Even if we could add more hours, we would just fill them up with the same stress we have now.

What we can do is use our time differently. And I don't mean buy a new schedule planner. Adapted from the work of Stephen Covey and Anthony Robbins, here are some skills for creating more time in your life and some suggestions for what to do with the time.

Distraction. Distractors are ways we use our time that are not urgent and not important. Some might call it recreation. Exercising, playing a sport, taking a walk, reading a book, watching TV or playing solitaire on your computer are all ways of distracting ourselves from the stress in our lives.

And we all need some distraction in our lives. The problem is that many of us spend far too much time in distraction that could be spent on more life-giving activities.

Delusion. No, I'm not talking about seeing little aliens or believing you are Napoleon. Delusions are the activities in our lives that we make urgent, but really aren't important. Many people get hooked on the thrill of urgency and then run around doing lots of unimportant things.

Demands. Now we are looking at the things that are both urgent and important. An important deadline, the car breaking down, a child sick at school - all are urgent and important.

The time-draining kind of demands that nag at most of us are usually brought on by that old time enemy called procrastination. The next time you find yourself tempted to procrastinate, here's what you do: just put it off. That's right, just say to yourself, I'll procrastinate later, right now I'll get it done.

Destiny. These are the things that may not be urgent but are tremendously important: spending time with family and friends, taking time to relax, building and growing important relationships, planning for the future. These are the things that shape our destiny.

Consider how much time you spend on distractions, delusions and demands. How might your life be different if you spent that time on things that shape your destiny?

Here's one simple yet powerful suggestion I recently heard. Think of it this way: In a child's mind, what is the most important thing they do in a day? Play. In a child's mind, who are the most important people in life? Mom and Dad.

So when we as parents (the most important people in their lives) play with them (the most important activity in their lives), children know that they are important and loved. Not a bad way to spend your time.

For more tips and tools for thriving during the teenage years, visit parenting coach Jeff Herring's ParentingYourTeenager.com

Nanny Techniques For Super Families

Writen by Sue Holsinger

If you haven't seen the British inspired 'Supernanny' on ABC then you are missing out on one of the nation's new favorites in home improvement shows.

This show won't tell you how to create a floral centerpiece or decorate with zebra stripes, but it IS teaching families to bring order to chaotic homes by setting the stage for new parenting techniques.

Actually, British Nanny, Jo Frost, who is the star of the show is doing anything BUT new parenting. She actually encourages parents to stick to the old time rules of discipline, consistency and creating boundaries. Although there is a noticeable absence of any physical punishment, the firm rules that are put in place work apparent miracles on unruly children while helping parents develop confidence in their parenting skills.

If you haven't been among the millions of viewers now hooked on watching the Supernanny bring sanity to American homes, then here's a review of some of her systems:

DISCIPLINE:

It is setting clear boundaries which helps parents and children deal with problem issues - whether it's eating at the table, back-talking or fighting with siblings.

One of Frost's main techniques is to create a time-out area - either a rug, bean bag chair or a room with no toys or TV for distraction. To implement the system parents are coached to warn their defiant offspring of the punishment beforehand. If a warning doesn't work then the child is placed in the time-out area.

Although the time-out has a reasonable time frame depending on the age of the child, some parents will have to place a child who flees the time-out area back into time-out dozens of times for upwards of an hour during the breaking in phase. Once the routine is established the parents, on review, praise the success of the technique and find that often a warning is all that is needed.

BEDTIME:

Bedtime trouble is a serious problem with many families. Frost starts with parents returning the escapee repeatedly until the youngster remains in bed. For tougher cases she has the mother or father sit on the floor next to the child's bed with their head down. This provides the child with security but removes eye contact or verbal attention. If the child climbs out of bed they are not comforted but are put right back.

ATTENTION:

The 'Supernanny' creates a family schedule that includes special time for playing and interacting with the children, as well as allowing parents to spend time together. Frost may be making the most difference by helping parents view themselves as a parenting team, as well as pointing out that having children should be enjoyable.

If you are curious about more of her techniques or just want to watch families (worse than your own) clean up house - check her out on ABC, Mondays.

The author's website, http://www.mynanny.org, provides and online resource for nannies and nanny information. This article may be used if the resource box and link is left intact.

Proactive Parenting How To Set Goals For Your Family And Children

Writen by Shelly Walker

So often, we parents get caught in a cycle of reactive parenting. A situation comes up and we react, and that seems to be the only way we parent. We go along, moment to moment and day to day and simply react to the circumstances around us. Taking a moment to step out of this cycle to look at the long-term big picture is a great way to get some perspective and begin to head your family in the right direction.

We're so busy. Frantic. Hectic. We wait for the weekends (or the vacation) to have fun with our families. We're on the go, from morning 'til night and by the time evening does come we're often so exhausted that we only have enough energy to sit in front of the TV and zone out.

No wonder we are being reactive parents, flying by the seat of our pants! We're all doing the best we can every day for our families. But there's another way to parent our children: a positive, loving, long-term view of them and their lives that lends itself to possibility and joy.

By taking just a few minutes today to realign yourself with your goals for your family, you can make a positive change that will rapidly diffuse to every person in your household. If you are married, do this exercise with your spouse. Get on the same page and begin today to work for the same goals. If you are co-parenting with a non-resident parent, get together and spend just a small amount of time that will make a huge difference in the lives of your children. If you are a single parent it is even more important that you take the time to be proactive now, so you're not chasing your tail later!

Being a proactive parent means that you think about what you want for your children in the long run and take every parenting moment that comes to help them towards that goal. I'll show you what I mean.

One of the things that I want for my children is for them to be financially independent. I want them to know how to use their money to create passive income. I want them to know that they can live their passions in life and make money, too. I want them to know how to save, invest, tithe and spend their money wisely. So, keeping that goal in mind, how can I parent them in a way that will work towards this goal? Here's what I do:

At the age of five, my children begin getting an allowance. They put 10% away for saving, 10% away for investing later on, 10% is given away to charity and they have the other 70% to spend on anything they want. (My husband and I got this idea from Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Kid, Smart Kid website and his Rich Dad, Poor Dad books. These are great resources for learning how to handle your money.)

I give my children complete freedom over their spending money. That way they naturally learn how to save for the things they want. They gain the natural consequences of having and spending money. If they blow all of their money on candy today, they won't have enough to buy the toy they've been wanting tomorrow.

My children know that if they want to earn extra money, they can do extra chores around the house. This empowers them and gives them the freedom to choose their income level.

At the age of eight, we begin to work on investing. We find something that they're passionate about (for John, its baseball cards) and we begin to learn about investing in things that will appreciate (assets) and bring in more money. Since he's been putting aside 10% of his income for the last three years, he has a good chunk of money start investing with. And, since he has his savings he doesn't need to worry if all of his investments don't turn out to be winners.

One of the most important things we do to help our children be financially secure is to talk about money matters with them. We are very careful about the vocabulary we use: always using empowering "choice" words, not "lack" words. If John wants something that we can't or don't choose to afford, it's always "we're choosing to use our money in a different way right now" never "that's too expensive" or "we can't afford that." We do point out the difference between products and prices, but we don't make judgment calls. These discussions happen naturally and are a constant part of our parenting. We are positive that we want our children to grow up with prosperity consciousness, not poverty consciousness. How we talk today about money is how they will think about money tomorrow.

That is one small goal that Michael and I have for our children. We keep that goal in mind every single day, in every parenting moment. Sometimes its hard work: maybe I think that the toy John wants is a total waste of money and it's its hard to resist talking him out of it. But how will he ever learn how to make smart choices if he's never allowed to choose for himself? Freedom is empowering, though it may be a little scary.

Now it's time to sit down and do the following exercise. You may be able to do it in a few minutes or you might want to think about it for a few days and then sit down with your partner and put your answers to paper. As Steven Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, begin with the end in mind! Begin today to parent with the end in mind: happy, successful children who grow into fully empowered adults.

Step 1: Sit down, relax, get a cup of tea or a glass of water, and just be for a few minutes. If you pray, ask for guidance and a Knowing of the best goals for your family. If you like, you can simply close your eyes for a few minutes and get centered and still. The best parenting comes from that place of Stillness and Knowing that is deep within.

Step 2: Write down these six phrases, leaving room between them to write:

1. Financial Security
2. Physical Health
3. Emotional/Spiritual Health
4. Creative Freedom
5. Relationships
6. Other Goals

Step 3: Begin to brainstorm and write down any goal or desires for your children that come to mind. Most goals will fit into one of the first five categories. Imagine your children as adults. What skills do you want them to have? Are they happy, successful, empowered individuals? What do their relationships look like? Just keep writing and imagining until you have filled one sheet of paper.

Step 4: On another sheet of paper, re-write your 6 topics and put down your most important five goals for each area of development. It's okay if you and your spouse have different priorities. Pick one that is very important to you both and each pick two more to add to the list.

Step 5: Choose one area of development to begin working on right away and add the others in as you can. Keep your goals in mind as you parent you children and remember that modeling the behaviors that you wish to see is the most effective way to teach your children. Emerson said, "Your actions speak so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying."

Keep your goals handy and update them as necessary. Remember to celebrate your children's successes with them and let them celebrate yours.

Straight talk from the mom who's been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. For more information, go to http://www.parentingkeys.com

Are We Breeding Bad Credit Teenagers

Writen by Toni Phelps

It wasn't until about the fourth time that I gave my teenager an allowance advance that I realized I was nurturing her to become a bad credit consumer. Living free at home with no bills to pay, how would she balance a budget when she moved out on her own? Would she continue to borrow money in advance because she spent it all between paydays? Worst, would she constantly borrow money from me when I retire and live on a fixed income?

Over the years I had lectured her on the value of money, but I never explained to her the impact spending freely can have on her future needs--- getting credit for a home or auto loan, a low interest credit card, and even for securing a good paying job.

So when she asked for the latest allowance advance, you can imagine the shock on her face when I said it would cost her 20%, or she would have to wait until her next allowance. Naturally she asked why, and how I proceeded to educate her may be helpful to other parents.

First, I asked her to describe the home she would live in, the car she would drive, and how she would spend vacations when she was grown-up and on her own. After hearing her detail the enormous home, fancy sport cars and tropical vacations, I knew I had a task ahead of me. I needed to educate her without extinguishing her aspirations.

I asked her if any of her fellow teenagers constantly borrowed money from other teenagers. She said yes, and I asked her if she ever loaned money to any of her friends. She stated no, because it was hard to get the money back. I then asked her if she were a bank president and one of her money-borrowing friends came to her for a home loan, would she approve it? No way, was her reply, and it was clear that she grasped my point.

I then asked if she was a company president, would she hire a person who squandered paydays to manage her company's funds? No way, she responded again.

We then used a budget calculator to estimate how much money she would need to earn per month to buy the big home, sports car, and to take Hawaiian vacations every year. We also added other monthly expenses (groceries, clothing, insurance, utilities, etc), and totaled these figures. An easy way to do this is to use the free budget calculator at:
http://www.creditfederal.com/household-personal-budget.html

After seeing how much money she would need to earn, I asked her how would she achieve it, with her current bad credit history of borrowing money in advance? Who would give her a good paying job, and who would loan her money? Naturally she thought life was unfair and that it shouldn't cost so much to live and to buy things. I assured her she could achieve all that she desired, but not to rush. She had to live within her budget, save money instead of squandering every payday, get a good education and prove to employers and creditors that she responsibly handled money.

She now uses the budget calculator to estimate her future financial and lifestyle abilities when she works her way through college, and when she gets her first career job. She knows that initially she won't be taking as many vacations as she'd hoped and the sports car may have to wait, but she's still motivated to achieve those luxuries. And, just like a grown-up consumer rebuilding bad credit into good, she asked if I would pay HER interest whenever I was late paying her allowance.

Article by Toni Phelps of Credit Federal. Get more information about bad credit.

Expanding Your Childs Vocabulary Promotes Skilled Reading

Writen by Deanna Mascle

Learning to read is not like climbing a mountain. You do not simply lead your child over a peak and they then become a skilled reader.

Instead there are a series of skills and building blocks that children gradually acquire and then continue to build on for years before they become truly proficient readers.

One of those essential skills is vocabulary. Vocabulary refers to the words we must know to communicate effectively by listening, speaking, reading, and writing. Vocabulary plays an important part in learning to read. Children use words in their oral vocabulary to make sense of the words they see in print. Vocabulary is also important in reading comprehension. Readers cannot understand what they are reading unless they know what most of the words mean.

While vocabulary is essential to reading children begin building their vocabulary long before they begin learning to read and continue building their vocabulary long after they have mastered the basics of reading. In fact, for most people, vocabulary building continues as a lifelong endeavor.

Children can be taught vocabulary both indirectly and directly. Children learn the meanings of most words indirectly, through everyday experiences with oral and written language. We teach children the meaning of words as we talk to them and explain the world around them. We expand vocabulary through reading to our children and eventually our children will add to their vocabulary by reading extensively on their own.

Children learn vocabulary directly when they are explicitly taught both individual words and word-learning strategies.

It is useful to teach children specific words before reading because it helps both vocabulary learning and reading comprehension. Repeatedly exposing children to vocabulary words in a variety of contexts brings greater depth to their understanding of the word as well as recognition. It is also important that children learn how to use dictionaries and other reference aids to learn word meanings and to deepen knowledge of word meanings.

Children who are learning to expand their reading vocabulary also must learn how to use information about word parts (such as affixes, base words, word roots) to figure out the meanings of words in text through structural analysis or how to use context clues to determine word meanings.

If you want to expand your child's vocabulary there are two additional strategies you can employ. First, don't talk down to them. Use the same vocabulary you would use with an adult. They will learn some words from simple contextual clues you provide but they will also ask what a word means offering you the chance to add that word to their vocabulary. The second strategy is to expand your own vocabulary. Making learning new words (and adding them to conversation) a game or fun activity for the whole family.

The more books and conversation are a part of your child's life then the more their vocabulary will continue to grow.

Deanna Mascle is the publisher of Preschoolers Learn More. Visit for more tips and resources to Teach Your Preschooler.

Vegetarian Kids Need Summer Child Care Too

Writen by Mariah Boone

Until last summer, my vegetarianism has never really made me feel marginalized, even though we live in a community without vegetarian restaurants, and I do not know any other vegetarian families in town. I admit that I have even found stories about how persecuted other vegetarian parents felt to be a little maudlin at times. Sure, my relatives have handed sausage to my toddler (she fed it to the dog), teachers have tried to get her to make lunchmeat snowflakes, and I've faced pressures of various kinds. But I have never seen this as a big problem. I have always felt pretty free to live our lives by our values and have not worried too much about the way that other people eat or wish that we ate. Last summer, however, I encountered some real barriers, and I am feeling a lot more sympathetic to the concerns that I have heard fellow vegetarian parents express over the years.

My daughter has always been in child-care due to my need to earn our living, but combining vegetarianism and child-care had never been difficult for me until my child reached elementary school age. Was I ever surprised at what I discovered! What I have found is that almost all of the summer child-care providers for school-aged kids in our community use the USDA Food Program, a federal program that reimburses child-care providers for the cost of the meals that they provide to the children. I knew this; many other child-care settings use the program, too, and I am a social worker and consider myself fairly knowledgeable about these things. I did not, however, know it would cause my family problems.

Upon approaching potential child-care providers and mentioning that my daughter was vegetarian and would need a vegetarian lunch or for me to pack her lunch from home, I was told that I would need a note from a doctor for her to be allowed a "special diet." I explained that being a vegetarian was not a medical condition so I would not be able to produce a note saying that it was. They said that only medical and religious exemptions were allowed. Could I get a note from my church? Well, my belief in vegetarianism certainly coincides with the simplicity testimony of the Religious Society of Friends but not all Quakers, by any means, express the simplicity testimony by becoming vegetarians as I have done. My clerk might have written me a note discussing that connection, but it seemed a shaky sort of religious ground to me. What we really needed was a philosophical exemption, and these are not allowed according to the federal regulations that govern the program.

Under the USDA Food Program, child-care providers can serve a vegetarian diet to all of their children; they just can't serve a meat-diet to some and a different diet to others without a medical or religious exemption, because it is considered discrimination. I spoke to a state level administrator in the program and she confirmed that this is true. It was clear from our conversation that she was aware of the problem I would face and unhappy about it. She talked about the program being behind the times and the need for change. I felt sure that the child-care providers and I could come up with something workable, but this official knew better. She had obviously seen this unfold before.

I certainly did not feel that they were obligated to fix something different for my daughter, and I have always been willing to fix her food myself, but most of the summer programs were not open to the idea of my packing my own child's lunch. They would not be reimbursed from the food program for my child if she did not eat their lunch, and it would interfere with their reports and their finances to a small extent. Most programs count on the meal reimbursements to help pay for their programs and figure the meal reimbursement into the equation. Just taking the meat out of their lunch and letting me provide them with a substitute for that part was also frowned upon. They worried that such shenanigans would get them in trouble. Also, it would mean more work for them. That sounds awful, but it must be understood that most child-care providers are underpaid for the cost of the service they provide, understaffed due to these funding issues and very heavily regulated. While I badly needed them to try to be more flexible, I also could understand their point of view, given the regulations of the Food Program.

This left me with a very big problem, indeed. We needed summer child-care and my daughter needed a healthy, vegetarian lunch every day, but I found the regulations made that nearly impossible. Thankfully, I eventually did find a program that was not hung up on their reimbursement numbers and was willing to let my daughter bring a lunch from home to circumvent the lack of a philosophical exemption from the menu…only one, though. This adventure has made me aware of the need for a little social action on this issue. We were very lucky to find a program that could afford to be flexible and not everyone in our situation will be so fortunate.

Most summer child-care programs for school-aged children are dependent on the reimbursements they receive and cannot afford to go without very many of them. The high expense of providing child-care is why programs like the USDA Food Program exist in the first place. Not being reimbursed for one child might not be a heavy burden to them, but they do have to think about the big picture. If lots of children started requesting "special diets" for which they would not receive reimbursement, the child-care providers might be in real financial trouble. Child-care providers receiving government subsidies also face real concerns about perceived discrimination issues … what constitutes a good reason to allow a child to eat a non-reimbursable lunch and what doesn't? They are between a rock and a hard place, too, just as my family is, unless the USDA changes its reimbursement rules.

There is a need for the USDA Food Program to institute a philosophical exemption for menu changes in child-care settings so that vegetarian schoolchildren do not end up being excluded from summer child-care placements due to this snarl of regulations and reimbursement needs. A child should not have to violate her principles or go hungry because she needs child-care, but, unfortunately, that is how the system is currently arranged under the USDA Food Program. I believe that we can fix this. Please write to your Congressional Representative and Senator and encourage them to legislate that the program include a philosophical exemption in childcare settings so that vegetarian meals can be provided to vegetarian children. Such a change would allow child-care providers to be reimbursed for providing those meals without fear of repercussions. This is not, of course, the sort of issue that many members of Congress are going to embrace as a cause, but they should be willing to make a regulatory change that increases the convenience with which their own constituents interact with the Food Program if their own constituents ask them to do so. Please ask them. Vegetarian families like mine, who need summer child-care, will thank you.

Mariah Boone is a mother, writer, social worker, Texas historian and the publisher of Lone Star Ma: The Magazine of Progressive Texas Parenting and Children's Issues.

Inspire The Imagination Of Your Children

Writen by Gregg Hall

Everyone knows that having everything in the world does not lead to happiness. There is something more than material things that is needed to make people happy. It's imagination. Imagination can turn even the most mundane things into something to be celebrated, and is something that every parent should try and instill in their child at an early age. There are many ways to do this, but one of the most important and easiest is to draw out your child's creativity by asking them to fashion roles for themselves. How do you do that? Well, you could always suggest that they do what kids love to do anyway, such as play dress up!

Dressing up offers even more benefits than you might think. It promotes the activity of the brain, in requiring your children to think about who they want to be, what that person or thing wears, and how they can make a costume that is something like it. But it also requires a large amount of physical creativity as well. If, for instance, your child wants to be Shaq, he or she will not be sitting on the couch. They will be bounding around the house or yard, exercising healthily in mind and spirit.

Playing dress up also encourages empathy. By taking on the roles of other people and things, your child will have to think like those other people and things. This encourages them to think as if they were not the center of the universe, and promotes an ability that will greatly serve them later in life, the ability to see the world through other people's eyes. What's more, it will allow children to function a bit better than they might otherwise. By playing a teacher, your child might more properly understand what is required of them in a classroom, or how to better relate to adults.

The way that a child plays out roles during dress up can be invaluable for parents. A parent who pays keen attention to the way his or her child is acting out their dress up character can learn a great deal about how their child understands the world. If, for instance, to use the teacher example above, a child always enacts a teacher who is cruel and unfeeling, it might be the case that the child's teachers are not all too kind to the child, and perhaps a parent's intervention is necessary.

Dressing up also provides the necessity of innovation. Since children can become quickly tired of things that become too routine, it will be required of them to invent more and further ways of dress up. This will increase their creative ability and make them more innovative thinkers.

Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Beach, Florida. Find more about this as well as a kid's music CD at http://www.personalizedcds4kids.com.

Four Simple Tips To Help You Stop Policing Your Child And Start Parenting

Writen by Dr. Charles Sophy

In today's political climate, it's easy to fall into the pattern of over-protecting our children. Day in and day out, we are bombarded with stories of terrorism and senseless violence in the media. It's natural to want to cling to our children and not let them out of our sights, policing their every action.

But there is a difference between policing your children and parenting.

Parents often find themselves in a situation where, out of love and a deep concern for the child's safety, they are controlling the child's every move. So how does one get from the point of controlling their child's every action to feeling secure that the child is responsible enough and sensible enough to choose safe activities and sensible friends.

We all want what is best for our children and the act of policing is born of that feeling. But sometimes, what's best for our child is to loosen the apron strings and allow the child to experience life and the empowering feeling of holding our trust.

When we police our children, we react to the situation as we have experienced it. When we ask our sullen teenager about school or a new friend and receive no response, our initial reaction may be that the child is hiding something because that was our reason decades ago when asked the same question. Recollections of our own experiences are not the same as judging the reality of the current situation and can often lead to conflicts with our children.

You are your child's FIRST teacher. As your child grows and experiences life, it is important to navigate them through their experiences, always keeping in mind the foundation that is being laid for a healthy adult life.

Meet Christopher:

Christopher is 13 years old and loves to play hockey, snowboard and snowmobile – or he would if he were ever permitted the chance.

Christopher's father was 13 when he crashed his uncle's dirt bike, breaking a collarbone and shattering his ankle. Christopher's mother has never participated in group sports or outdoor activities and doesn't see the benefit of her child doing so. As a teenager, she played baseball for half a season until a stray pitch broke her nose. Both have determined that Christopher is too irresponsible to drive a motorized vehicle and too reckless to play hockey or snowboard.

Christopher's Aunt and Uncle are natural athletes and avid outdoor enthusiasts. On a recent family gathering at the cottage, Aunt and Uncle cleared an ice rink for all the kids and started a rousing game of hockey. Rules where established – no checking, keep your stick low, keep an eye on the little ones and let them slap the puck every once in a while – and all the kids were soon laughing and playing safely under the watchful eye of Aunt and Uncle.

Christopher was anxious to join but mom feared that he would get injured and was told he could not participate. "I don't want you getting a puck in the face" and "You'll run over your little cousin and hurt him because you don't pay attention" were her replies to each request. Christopher shouted "It's not fair, I never get to do anything fun!" and stormed off to sit by the rink and watch the game. Mom finally conceded when Dad laced up his skates and promised to shadow Christopher on the ice.

The game proceeded without incident until lunch time. After lunch, the kids asked to ride the snowmobile. Aunt and Uncle suited up all the children in their safety gear and chauffeured each of them around the bay. The older children were given the opportunity to drive the snowmobile provided that they kept the speed at less than 25 MPH and as long as an adult rode with them on the same snowmobile or right beside them on another snowmobile.

Again Christopher asked to participate. And again he was told he would get injured and was too irresponsible to be trusted. Christopher had never ridden a snowmobile and had vowed to ride with his Aunt as a passenger – knowing he would never be granted parental permission to drive the snowmobile. But both his parents held firm to their decision to not let him participate.

Christopher was angry! "It's not fair," he shouted, "all my cousins get to ride! I never get to do anything fun. Why can't you just let me live a little? I've never been on a snowmobile. It's not fair that you think I'm not responsible enough to ride. I ride with dad on his motorcycle all the time. Auntie's going to be right there. It's not fair. I haven't done anything to deserve this!" Clearly frustrated, he shuts himself in one of the bedrooms and does not emerge until dinner when he was coaxed out of his room by his Aunt.

It is clear that Christopher needs to be trusted and his parents need to stop projecting their previous experiences upon him. Christopher should be allowed the opportunity to experiment safely and learn his own boundaries and limits. Here are four simple tips you can use to help stop policing your child and allow them to enjoy some of the experiences that will shape their adult lives and provide lasting memories of a happy childhood:

1. Model – Your behavior from infancy will set the stage. Your child will learn safety and responsibility through your actions.

2. Trust – Be clear within yourself and allow your child the space to play and be exposed to limited risk. Do not project your experiences onto your child. Allow them to fill their own life plate.

3. Communicate – Tell your children about your childhood experiences. If there are stories about injuries, be open and honest about the situation and show the child what contributed to the incident.

4. Follow Through – Trust your child to play safely. Remind your child of the limits. When someone breaks the rules, there should be reasonable and logical consequences that are agreed upon ahead of time.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.

Teaching Children The Importance Of A Quotthank Youquot Note

Writen by Richard Arnold

Childhood is the perfect time to express the importance of verbally saying Thank You and beginning to write notes. If they begin as children the act of writing notes feels natural to both boys and girls and becomes second nature in adulthood. Teaching children at a young age about the importance of writing thank you notes is more than just good manners. It's also a way to help them learn about generosity and appreciating the kindness of others. Of course, in this age of electronic communications and just about every kid having access to a computer, they may think the best way to send a "thank you" note is to send one via an email. While this is better than no "thank you" note at all, it is best to teach them how to write a note that is delivered by the postal service.

As we all know, children learn by watching. If the parent is good about sending greeting cards and thank you notes, it is much easier to teach the children. Let them join you as you write your cards and notes. Explain to the them why you are doing this activity. Then, when it is their turn to send a note, set aside some quiet time to work with them and show them you are there to guide them as they put their thoughts to paper. Make it a habit to schedule time after every occasion where they receive gifts to sit down and write their thank you notes. You'll be creating a habit in your child that will last a lifetime and pay many, many benefits back to them later in life - both personally and professionally.

Richard Arnold is the owner of Key Concept Services, Inc., a marketing and business communications firm. For over 15 years, KCS has been helping small and medium sized businesses get their "key" message out - externally to clients and internally to employees. The "key" to business success is good communication. When you communicate properly, you connect. When you connect, you communicate. Richard is also a big believer in the Law of Attraction and has a Blog on this subject at http://sendoutcards.wordpress.com. Contact Richard via email at keycon@mindspring.com.

Boys Dont Read Its True

Writen by David Skuy

I grew up reading sports stories and playing hockey. So what better subject matter for my first foray into the children's lit genre? "Good luck selling it," a publisher told me when I showed him the manuscript. "Boys don't read."

Boys don't read? That was the first I'd heard of it, and I have a five-year old son. I began to research the subject - and sure enough, I found out he was absolutely right. Once boys hit eight or nine years old, they stop reading.

Entire forests have been sacrificed in a bewildering array of reports on the subject. Educators tell us that boys are dropping out of arts courses as soon as they can. In testing of primary school children, girls consistently outperform boys in reading and writing tests by a wide margin. This is consistent with international results: The same finding was reached in a recent study of 36 countries. Business leaders are beginning to take notice, complaining that recent university graduates often lack basic literacy skills. Some 50 percent of all high school aged boys consider themselves non-readers!

These same studies make it clear, if it was not already, that reading is an essential life skill. In a 2004 Canadian government report, reading is described as "the search for deeper meaning" that enables children "to refine, extend, and reflect on their thinking" and will "result in high levels of learning." Boys who read often get higher grades in school, and they are less anxious about schoolwork. And perhaps most significant of all, boys who read turn into men who read.

Most literacy experts have zeroed in on one culprit: technology. There is too much television, MSN, computers, video games, the Internet, Gameboy, and ipod. These mediums are winning the battle for the hearts, eyes and ears of our boys. The solution is equally clear - boys must be presented with books that strike them as equally meaningful and interesting as those other mediums.

We understand the problem. We have identified the culprit. We have a solution. So why haven't we reversed the trend? To put it bluntly, why is reading something girls do?

Before writing my novel, I took a few trips to bookstores to check out the competition. At first, I was greatly encouraged: There was no competition. Virtually every book was for girls. The depth and range of these girl-oriented novels was impressive, and as a father of a 10-year old girl, I was pleased. The few selections geared toward boys were non-fiction sports books - either biographical accounts of athletes or a catalogue of statistics. Small wonder boys don't read - there is nothing for them to read.

A vicious cycle needs to be broken. Boys do not read, so publishers do not publish books for them, and writers write for girls. Boys continue not reading because there is nothing of interest to them, which only encourages publishers and writers to avoid that market.

I want my son to read. I want him to be like my daughter, who will ignore several calls for dinner to finish a chapter, or will secretly turn on her nightlight to finish a book. I have a small cache of classics for him. But after we get through Tom Sawyer, what will he read?

More to the point, will he read at all - or just turn on the computer?

David Skuy is the author of "Off the Crossbar," a sports novel for boys. You can visit his website at http://www.charliejoyce.com He is a popular lecturer, speaking to kids and parent groups on the importance of literacy and sports for children.

How To Listen To Your Teenager Without Appearing To Have Attention Deficit Disorder Add

Writen by V. Michael Santoro

In one of the Family Circus cartoon strips, the little girl looks up at her father, who is reading the newspaper, and says, "Daddy, you have to listen with your eyes as well as your ears." That statement says almost all there is to say about listening. Being a good listener means focusing attention on the message and reviewing the important information.

Listening can be considered an art, as well as a skill, and like other skills, it requires that you exhibit some discipline to be effective. However, in today's world where multitasking is considered essential to surviving in the workplace, it is not uncommon to be talking on the phone while we are reading mail or sending e-mail, and simultaneously conducting hand signals with a co-worker who needs your input about something important.

However, when it comes to communicating with your teenagers, you have to separate yourself from this multitasking communications style, and learn how to focus 100 percent of your time on her when she needs to talk to you. If you do not, she will perceive this distracted behavior as a lack of interest in her.

Thus, during your conversations with your teen, you must ignore your own needs, demonstrate patience, and pay attention to her. Hearing becomes listening only when you pay attention to what is being said, and can contribute to the conversation.

So how good are your listening skills? Answer the following "yes or no" statements honestly:

1. I make assumptions about my teens feelings and thoughts
2. I bring up past issues during current disagreements
3. I interrupt my teenager's conversation
4. I respond to a complaint with a complaint
5. I respond to my teen with phrases like, "That's ridiculous."

If you answered "yes" to any of these statements, then there is some room for improvement in your listening skills.

What to do Use the following guidelines to help improve your listening skills:

1. Maintain eye contact with your teen during conversations. Good eye contact allows you to keep focused and involved in the conversation.

2. Be interested and attentive. Your teen will sense whether you are interested or not by the way you reply or not reply to her.

3. Focus on "what" your teen is saying and not "how" she is saying it. If she is upset, for example, she may be exhibiting body language that may be distracting.

4. Listen patiently and avoid getting emotionally involved in the conversation. If you do so, you will tend to hear what you want to hear, as opposed to what is really being said. Your goal is to remain objective and open-minded during your discussions.

5. Avoid cutting your teenager off while she is speaking. This will show her that you respect her right to have an opinion, as well as to freely express it.

6. Avoid distractions or trying to multitask during your conversations. This may be okay at work, however your teen may perceive that you have a terminal case of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). :)

Exercise

It may be helpful to have a practice conversation with your teenager rather than wait to try and be a better listener when she comes to you with a "real world" problem. Inform her that she is really important to you, and that you want to be a better listener. Then tell her that you need her help.

Referring to the above guidelines, have her tell you about her day while you demonstrate your listening skills. Then ask her how you did and what you could have done better. Remember not to get defensive and conclude by thanking her for her help. Doing this on a regular basis will not only improve your overall listening skills, but also will make your teenager want to talk to you.

This article is an excerpt from the book "Realizing the Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and how you can too! By V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed and Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com/.

Bridging The Gap Between Stayathome Moms And Working Moms

Writen by Amy Tiemann

The time has come to call a truce in the so-called "mommy wars."

Everywhere you look these days there are stories about hard feelings and judgments between stay-at-home moms and employed moms. Fortunately, in the real world, I perceive much less conflict than the media portrays.

I have several strategies for healing the mommy wars. First and foremost is to decide that it's time to work together. Any effort that women spend judging each other is wasted energy that could be used instead to work together for common goals.

If you think about it, there is really no "us" versus "them," only "us." Nearly eight of 10 American women return to work by the time their first child reaches five years of age. Despite the stereotypes you see in the headlines, becoming a stay-at-home mom is not a one-way trip out of the paid workforce for most women.

Perhaps more importantly, it's time we realize that even when women take very different career paths, most of us experience similar pressures. The search for quality childcare, family-friendly employment and financial security can play out in very different ways.

One mom may stay home because her employer could not accommodate her request for part-time work, while another woman goes back to work because she secured a job-share. Some women can afford to stay at home, others can't. Some women can't afford to go back to their jobs because the cost of day care is more than their take-home pay.

We need to work together to increase family-friendly career options for all women, because very few of us can truly count on being stay-at-home moms forever, and many of us would like to resume careers when our children get older.

Every woman needs a back-up plan that will enable her to go back to work when necessary. This is good planning for our families as well as ourselves. It is difficult to think about, but any of us could find ourselves in a situation that requires us to become the primary breadwinner. In my own life I have seen women close to me suffer serious financial blows when faced with one of life's unexpected curve balls of divorce, widowhood, spousal unemployment, or disability.

Keep an eye on emergency employment options, and ask yourself, "what would I do if I needed to get a job tomorrow?" Consider long-term strategies as well, asking "what is my ideal life-long career path?" Time at home with young children can provide an opportunity to plant the seeds for a future career path.

Here are five practical strategies to help you stay at the top of your game and ease your transition back into the work world after taking time off:

1. Maintain and build networks. Keep in touch with old colleagues in your professional persona, and cultivate relationships in all the groups you belong to.

2. Update marketable skills. Take classes and consider going back to school part time to get a certificate or degree that will help advance your career later.

3. Keep up with new developments. Read relevant publications and maintain continuing education requirements needed to keep your professional licenses current.

4. Volunteer. Volunteering will keep your intellect sharp and can introduce you to influential people within your community. In addition to traditional volunteering such as field trip chaperoning or class clean-up, seek out opportunities that let you use your professional talents and could tie in to future employment.

5. Build your resume. Writing journal publications or articles, giving conference talks, making presentations to local community organizations, or becoming involved in the local Chamber of Commerce all offer ways to show continued involvement.

For all mothers, the day will come when our youngest child grows up and moves on to pursue his or her own dreams. Thanks to our increased life spans, most of us moms can count on decades of productive living, working, and creating during our empty-nest years.

It's more important than ever to take a lifelong view of our careers. Let's join forces now to lay the groundwork that will maximize our current work options, as well as pave the way for the exciting "next act" in our lives.

About Amy Tiemann: Before becoming a mom, Amy Tiemann earned her Ph.D. in Neurosciences from Stanford University. Today, her work helps women regain their "mojo" when entering motherhood. Often times, women lose themselves when baby is born. Getting in touch with your true 'self' while raising your baby is not only possible, it's being done in "Mojo Mom Circles" around the country. See why women are joining the revolution and downloading their own "Mojo Mom Party Kits" http://www.MojoMom.com. Contact Amy at Amy@mojomom.com

Parenting Problem 5 Simple Things That Will Help

Writen by Derrick Pizur

What is a parenting problem?

Parenting is a tough job, we all know that. Parents face many situations that they are not familiar how to deal with. Is the child's fault? Of course not. We as a society are quick to place blame on the problem teenagers, yet often times if we examine the situation closely it is truly the parents that are the problem.

Communication

Parents and children need to communicate with one another before a problem occurs. Your child should know that they can come and talk to you about anything that is on their mind. Parents usually think that this is the case with their child but often they fail to continually tell the child that. Children often do not understand unless told that there is a constant open line of communication and support available to them.

Trust – Lack of trust can be a factor with a parenting problem.

If your child does not trust you they will not communicate with you on a regular basis. Trust is developed over time. Trust is hard to build but easy to loose. Remember often your actions as a parent will speak louder than what you actually say.

Self Esteem

Parents that have a low self esteem often subject their children to tactics that lower their self esteem. Usually this is unintentional but that does not make it right. A child's self esteem or lack of can have major affects on their life.

Family Time

Did you know 90% of parents that have a parenting problem do not actually spend much time around their children? How can you effectively raise a child when you are rarely around them. In today's busy world we are all constantly on the run but we need to set at least one day per week where we can spend time with our children. The more time you spend with your child the easier it will be for them to talk and relate with you and likewise you with them.

How do you tell if it is not a parenting problem but a problem with your child?

It is always tough to tell if it is a true parenting problem or a problem stemming from your child. The best thing to do in both situations is to seek professional help. They will be able to diagnose the source of the problem and help set up an action plan to solve the problem.

http://ChildSafetyInfo.com - Ensure your child is safe!

On Leaving How To Teach Your Child How To Leave The Park Gracefully And Without Arguing

Writen by Shelly Walker

This past summer, I've had lots of opportunities to watch parents attempt to shepherd their children away from the park. I've seen good parenting and really horrible technique. I see a lot of parents and children really struggling with leaving gracefully. Here are some thing's I've learned this summer about leaving:
• Don't sit on the sidelines and watch your child play, yelling instructions to him from afar.
• Do make sure to play with your child to the best of your strength and energy level. Believe it or not, they'll be more willing to leave the park if they have had quality time with you that will continue on the way home. Turn off the cell phone and put down the latte and get out there and have a great time with your kids!
• Don't give three or four different five-minute warnings. This only teaches your child that you don't really mean what you say and that he can push the boundaries because you don't really have any.
• Do give one five-minute warning. This prepares your child & lets her know that a change is coming, helping to create a smooth transition.
• Don't yell at her from afar that it's time to go. This will give her the opportunity to ignore you.
• Do go right up to your child and touch him on the arm to get his attention, then look in his eyes and say it's time to go. This is a loving, thoughtful way to get your child's attention.
• Don't threaten him with a nap if he doesn't leave right now. Naps should be sacred, loving times, not ever punishments. (I actually heard this a couple of weeks ago: "If you don't come with me right now, I'm going to make you take a nap when you get home!" Sleep is not a punishment, it's a blessing!)
• Do tell your child what is coming next. "It's time to leave the park. Let's go home and get a snack!"
• Don't allow your toddler to play until she's completely physically and emotionally spent, then expect her to leave gracefully. We're not looking to exhaust our children: we're giving them a chance for healthy exercise and fresh air.
• Do make play times fun and energetic and make sure they end after an appropriate length of time.

Every parent and child can learn how to leave the park gracefully. It's a simple matter of setting clear boundaries and enforcing them with loving kindness.

Straight talk from the mom who has been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys, which will be filled with conscious parenting tips and parenting advice. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. Her website has great parenting information and free tools to help parents raise successful, empowered children. For a free copy of The Top Five Parenting Challenges: How to Succeed Where Others Fail, go to www.ParentingKeys.com .

Kid Time And Couple Time

Writen by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

A reader emailed me the following question:

"Many dads and moms, especially those that work full-time, are torn by guilt when it comes to time allocation. They have been away from the kids so long during the working week that the weekends MUST be spent with them. Result: There is simply NO couple-time. Any suggestions?"

One thing that is often not realized by parents is that a happy and harmonious marriage is one of the greatest gifts they can give to their children. Most children will gladly spend less time with their parents when they know that some of the time being spent away from them is about creating and maintaining a loving relationship between their parents.

Parents who work full time do need to be sure to spend some quality time with their children each evening. I was in this position when I was raising my three children. My husband and I would each spend an hour each evening, sometimes with one child and sometimes with two. On the weekends, we set aside some time alone with each other and alone with ourselves, which our children learned to respect. Then we spent the rest of the time in family time. Parents need to understand that they are the role models for their children, and if they are not taking responsibility for their own needs, their children will not learn to take responsibility for their own needs. What we role model regarding personal responsibility for our own happiness and wellbeing is as important as spending time with our children. Both are equally important in raising healthy children.

When parents do not find the time to be with each other or to be alone with themselves, they may need to examine what else might be going on within themselves and in the relationship. Are they using their work and their children to avoid themselves and each other? If their time alone or together is not fulfilling, then work time and kid time can be ways of filling an inner emptiness. Or, the time problems might be a result of unexamined priorities.

We all tend to do what is truly important to us. If work is important to us, then we may work a lot. If parenting is important to us, then we might spend lots of time with our children. If our creative pursuits, hobbies, or sports are important to us, then we will find time for them. The same is true for our relationship. If it is very important to us, we will find the time for it. So, if parents are not finding the time to be together, they might want to examine their priorities and explore why time together might not be important.

Often time together is important to one partner and not to the other. When this is the case, partners need to explore what is happening between them that is leading to the one partner not making time together a high priority. Some of the issues you may want to examine are:

* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on for sex?

* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on to fill up the other partner emotionally?

* Does one partner feel fearful of being criticized in various ways when they are alone together?

* Is one partner emotionally unavailable and the other partner feels lonely with him or her when they are alone together?

* Has one partner become so preoccupied with being successful or making money that they no longer have anything to talk about?

* Is fun lacking in the relationship?

* Does one partner feel resistant to being controlled by the other partner?

* Is one partner resenting the imbalance regarding work, chores and childcare?

* Is one partner feeling angry or withdrawn? If so, why?

If the real reason for not spending time together is truly about not enough time, then you need to consider how you can get help, such as hiring a neighborhood teenager, to do some chores or spend some time with young children.

If spending time together is a high priority, you can find a way!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

Aspergers Syndrome And Unequal Reaction To Pain

Writen by Nelle Frances

As Parents, Teachers and Professionals of children with Asperger's Syndrome we are all familiar with the enigma of their unequal reaction to pain and injury. A stubbed toe or paper cut may set off a pain response (crying, screaming, and sobbing) such as is equalled by the loss of a limb; yet a burst ear drum or broken limb may go seemingly unnoticed. As carers of children with Asperger's Syndrome we are often bewildered by this 'unequal' response to pain stimuli. Anecdotal evidence from clients worldwide is full of reports on this topic. So, what's the answer to this confusing puzzle? The questions surrounding Asperger's children's unequal response to pain can be explained scientifically.

The assumption that, physiologically, humans are equipped to limit the amount of stimuli entering our brains thereby preventing the brain from becoming overloaded, has led to the establishment of a 'normal' range of feeling. However, those with Autistic Spectrum Disorder are recognised as having a hyper/hypo sensitivity to stimuli i.e. above average range of feeling or super-sensitivity, first written about in 1949 by Bergman and Escolona.

Accounts written by people with Asperger's Syndrome state that their disability is directly linked to their senses and their sensory processing. So let's look at the biochemical processes that occur when our senses are stimulated.

Stimulation from the environment enters our brain through our eyes, ears, skin, nose and mouths. Our nervous system passes this information around our brain and body by the use of biochemical neurotransmitters. The amount of stimulation felt is determined by the amount of neurotransmitter processed in each neuron. The enzyme dopamine beta hydroxylase is released from nerve endings during stimulation. Dopamine beta hydroxylase (DBH) is essential for cell communication and regulating neurons in the central and peripheral nervous systems. An increase in stimulation results in an increase in the level of this enzyme. Scientific studies have shown that individuals with Asperger's Syndrome have much higher levels of dopamine beta hydroxylase in their systems than in ordinary individuals. The presence of this enzyme is also linked to behaviours such as repetition, agitation and aggression.

Repetitious activity, such as rocking, flapping or pacing, results in the release of Endorphins through the system. Endorphins reduce the sensation of pain and have the ability to block pain. In other words, when endorphins are present, the amount of sensory reaction is reduced or stopped completely. Children with Asperger's Syndrome have the ability to purposely, but unknowingly, overload their sensory system in order to shut it down completely i.e. by rocking, flapping or pacing etc.

Blocking out all sensation by the production of endorphins might seem like a simple and easy way of coping with sensory overstimulation; however, in caring for Asperger children we must realize that reaction to ALL sensation becomes limited. They won't recognize hunger, tiredness, body temperature (risk of overheating), full bladder/bowel or pain.

Children with Asperger's Syndrome display agitation through use of repetitious behaviors such as rocking, flapping, pacing, head-banging, staring, screaming, spinning, chanting or humming. Our job as Carers, Teachers and Professionals of children with Asperger's Syndrome is to recognize these signals of agitation.

These behaviors are used to block out

· direct over stimulation from their environment;

· their emotions (happy, fearful, or excited) and

· their response to pain.

These repetitive behaviors also serve to calm an Asperger child, if their use is monitored rather than unlimited.

For Asperger children, the build-up or cumulative affect of these endorphins throughout the day also needs to be taken into consideration. This is why Asperger children who suffer accidents in the afternoon or evening may not show pain or seem to feel it.

All physical exercise causes the release of natural endorphins into the system that can help to 'protect' the child with Asperger's Syndrome without switching off the sensory response. So exercise such as walking, running, and swimming is extremely beneficial in your child's daily routine as a preventative measure. It may be used during periods of agitation to help calm the child with Asperger's Syndrome. In this way exercise is used to develop appropriate social responses e.g. it is more acceptable to jump on a trampoline rather than on the furniture.

With this information revealed it becomes obvious that we must monitor our Asperger child's production of endorphins, because the presence of excess endorphins causes them to lose the ability to respond to any stimulation. This means that children with Asperger's Syndrome miss much of what they are meant to be learning.

Also, we must realize that these stereotyped/repetitive behaviours have social consequences for children with Asperger's Syndrome – they are a visual reminder that these children are different from their peers. We must take into account the Asperger child's socializing skills and ability when monitoring and setting limits on the use of repetitive behaviors. That is, we should tell them times and places when flapping/rocking/head-banging are acceptable, for controlled periods of time.

We should not attempt to eliminate sensory stimulation in order to protect children with Asperger's Syndrome. Without stimulation, our world becomes meaningless to them. Rather we should attempt to provide them with a safe sensory environment –dim lights, softer noises/voices, reduced odors - giving them the opportunity to learn and respond appropriately.

www.nellefrances.com/tips1.html

Nelle Frances is the mother of a 15 year old with Asperger's Syndrome, a Special Needs Educator and Author of the Ben and His Helmet series of books for Asperger children. She is also an active member of 5 Asperger's Syndrome Support and Advocacy Groups. For more information and Support Strategies visit http://www.nellefrances.com/tips1.html.

Does Your Child Forget Hisher Homework

Writen by Audrey Okaneko

I used to get at least one phone call per week from my daughter. She was just frantic. She had left her homework at home and needed me to rush it over to her at school.

On the weeks she remembered her homework each day, I would get a phone call that she had forgotten her lunch and could I please bring her lunch to her as she had no money to buy lunch.

I did bail her out for a while. Then I decided it was time for her to take full responsibility and live with the consequences if she did forget something.

I worked with her to develop systems that I hoped would help eliminate these frantic phone calls and would aid her in remembering all of her materials for school.

In the evening we would develop a check list of everything she needed the next day. This list would include all homework items, along with any books needed. Often a free reading book was needed in class. We would add this to our list. Our list also included lunch, jacket and anything else that was needed the next day.

We then put this note on the front door. We had to leave through the front door in the morning and so we put the note where I knew we'd see it. A quick glance at the list would tell my daughter if she had everything she needed.

We then began a day planner. As she went through her day she would write down not only homework assignments but also what items she needed to bring home from school. If she wrote down her math homework, but left the book at school, she could not complete the homework. It was her responsibility to check her day planner to make sure she had everything she needed to bring home. With this day planner, she also knew exactly what her assignments were. No more calling friends to find out what the homework was.

We also put money in her backpack that would cover the cost of one lunch. So, should she forget her lunch at home, she always had the money to buy lunch at school.

We also developed a packing list for spending the night at a friends' house. Again, it never failed that something was left at home, either a gift, if it was a party, or a pillow or maybe a toothbrush. This packing list made it a snap to throw everything into a duffle bag and not leave something behind.

Checklists and a day planner took us from several calls in a month for forgotten items to almost never forgetting anything at home, or at school.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com

Take Your Kid To Work Youll Both Learn Something

Writen by Kelly J. Curtis

I read the note from school and winced. Do I have to?

"Take your kid to work" day sounded a little like "get nothing at all done" day, but I was going to be attending a conference and figured it could be a unique experience. It was relatively close to home, so it might work out for me to take her along and only have her miss the one day of school.

The issue, however, was that in addition to exhibiting, this time I was hired to speak at the conference, so I would be facilitating a two-hour training. I didn't worry about Deena's ability to help out as an exhibitor, but what about a speaking engagement?

I talked to Deena about my concerns and the expectations I would have for any assistant during a conference session, and she felt confident she could meet my expectations. Additionally, it was to be a rather small conference with most-likely very affirming, patient and youth-centered participants, and the session was only two hours, not a half or full-day. So I figured, if there was ever a conference to attempt a "Take Your Kid to Work Day", this was the one.

Ultimately, it was an excellent experience for everyone involved. Deena was a valuable assistant in setting up the exhibit, as she was able to roll exhibit suitcases on her own and hold open doors for me as I carried in the heavy items. I never realized how much I needed an assistant until I had one! And in the preparation for our sectional, we had only a short time between sessions, so I really appreciated her help then as well. She was the ultimate professional for the two-hour period, allowing me to do my job, while helping participants with needed training supplies. And of course, the conference participants were exactly the positive, generous people I assumed they would be.

I learned several empowerment lessons from this experience:

Adults need to take advantage of opportunities that help empowered young people experience success;

Some situations pose less "risk" than others, so are prime opportunities to stretch youth and adult perception of a young person's capability; and

Inviting youth to participate in an experience different from their usual day broadens their perspective of the world and their future.

Of course, there are usually unexpected bonuses. During the conference, Deena participated in an art project facilitated by a talented Native American woman, gaining a new skill as well as a better understanding of a culture different from her own. And when I asked her what was the best part of "Take Your Kid to Work Day"? The swimming pool? The conference food? The exhibit candy? The fun art project?

Believe it or not, she said it was the two hour ride in the truck to and from the conference. Why? Because we got to talk to each other the whole time.

This summer, I encourage you to find a way to empower a young person. Engage them in something you are doing. Take a risk. And reap the benefits...

Copyright 2004 Kelly Curtis. Kelly Curtis, M.S. is a freelance writer and speaker who writes about youth empowerment in her blog - Youth - Our Greatest Natural Resource ( http://www.kellycurtis.blogspot.com ). She also publishes curricula related to tutoring and positive youth development http://www.empowering-youth.com.

A Peaceful Parenting Success Story Iv

Writen by Nancy Buck

Mary Beth, mother of two teenagers and one preteen knows the temptation and perils of engaging in too many unnecessary battles with her children.

"When all of my children reached their adolescent years it seemed as though my life consisted of one complaint or demand after another. First with Kerry, my eldest, I found myself in battles or attempting to avoid battles. It has just intensified as each child has grown older. Sam, our youngest, is now a preteen, Kerry is still a teenager and Agatha, our middle is also a teenager. The potential for a life filled with continuous battles not only seemed possible, it was slowly becoming a reality.

"I have read many child-rearing books during my years as a parent. But when my children's middle school offered an evening presentation on PEACEFUL PARENTING®, I knew I had to attend. Peace seemed absolutely necessary and elusive in our home.

"Hearing and practicing one piece of advice I heard that night has significantly helped make more peace in my life. When I am about to get into a discussion, or battle, or disagreement with one of my children I ask myself this questions: Is my child's behavior or request life altering or life threatening? If the answer is "no" then I try and avoid any kind of confrontation.

"Now that I have read the book I understand that my children are in more competitive phases of their growth. They all have a greater need for power and freedom. The potential for arguments and disagreements are endless. But now I have a specific question to ask myself that helps me decide to engage in a battle or avoid it. After all, I may not like the length of Sam's hair, or the color of Agatha's hair, or the style that Kerry has decided to wear her hair, but length, color and style are not life altering or life threatening. Piercing and tattooing are life altering. Riding in a car with a driver/friend who has been drinking is life threatening.

Thank you PEACEFUL PARENTING® for helping me discern when to confront my children and when to walk away.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com
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