Being A Stay At Home Mom And Feeling Good About It

Writen by Shannon Miller

In this day and time when someone asks me "What do you do for a living?" or asks you "Where do you work?" My answer was always I stay at home with my kids. I would always think badly of myself just by the responses that I would get. Or the dreaded oh. I always felt ashamed of being a stay at home mom. I felt that others thought of me as a lazy person and lazy I was not.

That feeling stayed with me for a long time. Then I started thinking about if I was working outside of the home look at all the things in my children's lives that I would have missed. Someone else would have got to share these things with my children. I thought there is no way that I would want some else to share anything special such as their first words, steps, or to see their first tooth coming through. I wanted to be the one to see all these special things in my children's lives.

I decided that staying at home with my children was the right step for me and my children. If someone didn't like it well that was not their chose for me to stay at home or to go to work. I can never replace my child's first words, first crawl across the floor, or their first steps. Once they do that milestone it's gone forever. It becomes just a memory, and it can only be a memory if you get to see that first. There are so many more things that moms would miss out on with their children if they chose to work outside their home. It's all these things that inspire me to stay at home with my children. No job could pay me any amount of money to equal how it makes me feel inside seeing each one of my children reaching each and every milestone as they are growing up. A job can be replaced but being a mother can not once you choose to work outside the home and you do miss out on something special it can never be replaced with that child.

Most mom's that work outside the home are not promised that their job will be there waiting on them from day to day. Being a child's mother is a job that will never be taken away. It will always be there no matter what. I never want to feel regret for staying home with my children and I will never let any one else make me feel bad for staying home with my kids. It's your life and weather you decide to stay home or work outside the home it is your decision and no one else can make it for you but you.

No one should make a stay at home parent feel bad for choosing to stay at home and be with their kids, nor should anyone make a parent working outside the home feel bad either. I feel that each parent's has the right to do as they choose with their own life. When someone asks me now "What do you do for a living?" I proudly hold my head up high and say I am a Work at Home mom and I love it. I still get the occasional oh, but its okay, I am happy with what I am doing and that is all that matters.

Shannon Miller owner of http://www.asthmainfosite.com http://www.righthandvirtualassistant.com http://www.parentingfroma-z.blogspot.com

Parenting Your Teenager Late Vs Too Late And 5 More Sure Fire Tips

Writen by Jeff Herring

Late vs. Too Late

Every now and then, I'll hear a parent tell me something like this,

"I know we should do something about how we handle our son/daughter, but it's really too late since they are almost 18."

Sorry, but you are wrong.

While it certainly may be late in the game, it is never too late. I often find myself thinking I wish I could have worked with this teen/family/marriage sooner. It's always easier to work with a problem when it has first begun, because there is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice yet still small enough to solve easily.

One of the many reasons that it is never too late is that in many ways, adolescence now lasts until about 25 anyway.

Modeling Bad Choices

You really can't, with any fairness, get very mad at your teen for doing something you have modeled for them.

Now I am not talking about letting your kid off the hook for bad behavior just because you did it too when you were young.

Many parents tell me they are reluctant to talk with their kids about drugs because of fear that the kid will ask the parent if they did drugs as a teenager.

Parents must get over that fear.

Just because you did it does not mean it's a good choice, and you still have the responsibility to deal with the issue with your teens.

At the same time, if you are currently modeling bad choices for them, then that is a very different story.

You really can't expect your kid to not do things they see you doing. This is because if you are currently doing it, you lack the moral authority to encourage them not to do it.

Going back to the late vs. too late notion above, one of the very best examples for kids is to see their parent change something that, while difficult to change, still desperately needs changing.

Two Important Questions

Counselor, speaker and author Dan Allendar, in his new book, "How Children Raise Parents," says that all children, even teenagers, are constantly asking two important questions:

1) Am I loved?

2) Can I get my own way?

How we answer these over time as parents has a huge impact on how our kids turn out.

By the way, the right answers are:

"Yes, you are loved move than you could possibly know"

and

"No, you cannot get your own way, because of the answer to question No. 1."

Information is Available

Did you know that contrary to what our parents had available to them, there is a ton of useful information out there for parents of teens. Read Allendar's book mentioned above, go to a seminar, do a Google search under parents of teens.

You do not have to do this parenting teens thing on your own, nor do you have to make it up as you go along. Use the resources available to you.

Labor Intensive

There are a few so-called parenting experts out there who will tell you with a straight face that if you do it right, parenting teens is easy.

I think that is such a misleading and damaging big fat lie.

If you are going to do any parenting well, especially parenting teens, it has to be labor intensive.

Listen to the Music

Listen to the music your teen listens to.

Don't talk like them, act like them or dress like them. It's a guaranteed way to be laughed at and ignored. But do listen to the music.

Get familiar with the artists and the lyrics. You need to know what is being loudly pumped into your kid's brain, because it absolutely does influence them.

Remember how much it influenced you?

Visit ParentingYourTeenager to subscribe to leading Parent Coach Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."

Raising Children Who Love To Read

Writen by Carol Boles

If you're wondering why some children grow up to become successful readers and possess a love for reading, the answer is simple. Their parents have made a commitment to their reading development.

Children can begin a journey to reading success and enjoyment when parents commit to:

- reading to children as young as six months old. Begin reading when they are barely sitting up and their eyes are beginning to focus. Select simple, colorful board books and read them aloud with expression. Point to pictures, identify characters or animals and talk about the story.

- a schedule for reading aloud until children are independent readers. Modeling good reading allows children to hear reading that is fluid and full of expression. Parents should allow children to select books as well as select books themselves. When parents introduce new books this helps children develop a sense of the kinds of books they like.

- to making visits to the library until children are old enough to go there on their own. Show children visiting the library will become a part of their lives. Help them choose books to read or have read aloud. If children are older talk about the books they've chosen. Parents should select books themselves and talk about what they're reading as well.

- to taking their children to books stores in their strollers, through the elementary, middle and high school years. Buy them a drink or snack, and browse the colorful displays and shelves full of books. Both parents and children should leave with a book.

- to reading themselves. Children naturally emulate their parent's behavior. When parents possess a love for reading their children usually do as well. Parent should always have a novel they're reading and set aside time for "read ins" with their children.

When parents commit to their children's reading education this nurtures reading development and an enjoyment of books. And, all the while those parents have had a great time enjoying great books themselves.

Carol Boles has a master's degree in Special Reading and an Educational Specialist degree in Curriculum and Instruction. She has more than ten years experience teaching K-12 reading in public schools. She now manages her own business and is a member of The Lieurance Group, a freelance writers cooperative. Find out more about her writing services at http://www.teacherspetplace.blogspot.com and http://www.lieurancegroup.blogspot.com or e-mail her at Cwrites-56@hotmail.com

Passion Balance And Educational Toys

Writen by Ted Moryto

Everyday we read about new claims of certain foods preventing this disease or that. Recently we are reading about foods once thought to be healthy, such as margarine with trans fat to be a very harmful alternative to natural butter. Even strenuous exercise has been found to be less effective in prolonging life than good old walking. In the end, the only safe recommendation any doctor or nutritionist can provide is to eat a balanced diet and exercise in moderation.

As they say, what's good for the body is good for the mind. While researchers study the learning process and theorize about how the mind works, the only point we can all agree on is that for the mind to reach its full potential, it must be exercised just like your body.
A golfer swings his club from the same side repeatly, strengthening a certain group of muscles on one side of his or her body. That golfer must do exercises to strengthen his core muscles and those on the opposite side to prevent injury and provide balance.

Even though his passion is golf, an elite golfer recognizes that developing this balance allows him to excell at his craft. And so it goes with the development of the mind's of children. Young children all have a dream of what they want to "be" when they grow up. This is the "passion" that is so important in life, the fuel, the raison d'etre. It could be their career, it could be a sport, a hobby or their family. But keep in mind that just as we go through phases in our lives, we also develop new passions along the way.

Providing a balance in your children's lives will allow them to develop their passion from a wide spectrum. Take a moment to quantify the time spent on reading, sports, arts, math and science to ensure that they'll be driving straight into the future.

Ted Moryto is an engineer, father and owner of Brain Waves Educational Toys Canada - check out some fascinating educational toys at http://www.brainwavestoys.com and http://www.brainwavestoys.com/toys/home.php?cat=138.

Proactive Strategies For Preventing Behavior Problems

Writen by Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

"At my recent baby shower, one of my favorite gifts was your book When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You. I absolutely love that it is so easy-to-read. This may be a silly question but, as a mom who has not yet given birth, I am wondering if there are any proactive strategies for preventing behavior problems down the road that I could start focusing on or learning now. Thoughts? Thanks again for your book!"—Soon-To-Be Momma

Positive Parenting Tip for Preventing Behavior Problems

Dear Soon-To-Be Momma:

Good for you for wanting to find proactive strategies for preventing behavior problems now! When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You offers over 200 proactive strategies for preventing behavior problems that are simple and effective. Allow me to share with you three of my most powerful proactive strategies for preventing behavior problems:

1. Put yourself first—for the sake of your kids.
During my parenting workshops, I often say, "We've all heard it before, 'When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!'" Dozens of dads nod in knowing agreement. When "Super Mom" turns into "Super Stressed", the results can be devastating for the entire family. That is why I believe if you love your kids, you need to start putting some of your needs first. I've seen it all too often: moms burning the candle at both ends headed on a one-way train for burnout. Self-care needs to be a necessity, rather than a luxury. Ask for help and accept help when it is offered. Modeling for your child what a happy, healthy adult looks like is essential. It is also essential for your child to know they are not the center of the universe and that you think enough of yourself to put some of your needs first. Although this may mean spending a little less time with your family, the time you do spend together will be more fulfilling and rewarding for everyone.

2. Put your marriage first—for the sake of your kids.
In order to maintain a joyful partnership and marriage, make sure you take the time, at least once each week, to just be together as a couple. No time? Make the time! This one act alone can strengthen your relationship and give your children a model of a healthy partnership. We need more healthy couples in this world! Choose to become one. A solid family starts with a solid couple! Remember that, once your children have left home, you will be left with one another. Making certain your significant other is one of your best friends now (instead of just a roommate who is like a stranger) will significantly decrease the chances of a rough road during the "empty nest" stage of life.

3. Put your faith first—for the sake of your kids.
Our connection to the divine acts as our compass, guiding us to safety during life's storms. It protects us with its light and helps us make choices that are in alignment with our hearts. Believing there is something larger than ourselves gives us the strength to make the changes we know we need to make. Our faith is also an essential "true north", an immovable constant we can turn to for help during those challenging "deep end" moments that come with the territory of parenting.

These three proactive strategies for preventing behavior problems can be the glue that holds your family together, the basis for making life's decisions, and the way to dramatically decrease behavior problems in your children.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here. You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com. All rights reserved

Baby Gifts How To Make Yours The One They Remember

Writen by Stephanie Gallagher

Why do some baby gifts stand out from the crowd and others seem to get lost in the recipient's memory, never to be found again?

Surprisingly, it has little to do with cost of the gift. Rather, it's the little, thoughtful touches that make all the difference.

Some tips:

Add an Element of Humor

You don't have to spend a lot of money to give baby gifts that are memorable. Try putting together your own "Nursing Survival Kit," with breast pads, Lansinoh cream, frozen peas (to ease nursing soreness), and a copy of "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding."

Put Together a Creative Package

Create a "Sleep Like a Baby" care package with a soft baby blanket or lovey, a white noise CD (vacuum sounds are great!) and a Miracle Blanket (for easy swaddling).

Or transform a simple baby book into a "Remembering the Moment" gift basket, by adding a copy of the local newspaper from the day the baby was born, copies of Time and People magazines from the week the baby was born, a current postage stamp, and a sales flyer from the local grocery store.

Twenty years from now, the parents and grown child will have fun looking back at everything from the price of a dozen eggs to who the hot celebrities were back when junior was a baby.

Include Everything the New Parents Will Need to Make It Work

Nobody likes extra work. So do whatever you can do to make it easy for the new parents to enjoy your gift.

For example, if your gift requires batteries, include a small package of batteries (the correct type, of course,) with it. You don't even need to give the whole pack -- just the right amount for the item you've given. You'd be amazed how grateful the new parents will be.

Put it Together For Them

This is always a winning tip, because everyone likes to have the hard work done for them.

However, it's a strategy that's best used when you are absolutely positive the new parents want what you've gotten them. Remember, gifts that are put together aren't so easily returned. So do this when you're buying something off the registry or when the recipients have specifically asked for what you're giving them.

Include a Gift Receipt

They may love what you've gotten, but they may have also gotten two or three baby gifts just like it. Make it easy to return yours, and they'll be grateful.

Include Your Full Name and Address on the Card

After 36 hours of labor and two weeks of sleep deprivation, a new mommy can't be counted on to remember her own last name, let alone yours. That's true even if she's your sister or best friend. So make it easy for her by writing your full name on the card. Including your address, too, makes it easy for to write the thank-you note.

Stephanie Gallagher, a.k.a., The Shopping Mom, is the author of several parenting books and Editor of The Shopping Mom's Weekly Tip (an ezine) and The Shopping Mom's Guide to Baby Gifts, http://www.gifts-babies-love.com

How Powerful Is God

Writen by Carey Kinsolving

"God is so powerful he could break this school in two," says Kyle, 6. It sounds like it's a tough day at school, Kyle.

"God is so powerful he can be the best pilot in the Navy," says Zach, 7. I'm sure the midshipmen at Annapolis will sing "Anchors Aweigh" when they read this.

"God is so powerful, he could destroy everything he made in the blink of an eye," says Sarah, 11.

That's an eye-opening thought and a sobering one. It's easy to forget the awe-inspiring glory of God's creation amid the bright lights and manmade structures of the city.

The Bible portrays the immensity of the heavens as the mere finger work of an all-powerful God (Psalm 8:3). We quake with fear at the destructive power of an atom bomb, but we forget that God spoke and worlds came into being.

When it comes right down to it, "God is so powerful, he can do anything he wants to," says Moriah, 11.

While the mythological gods of the ancient Greek pantheon often appear capricious in their exercise of power, the God of the Bible acts consistently with his goodness. Lately, I've found myself thinking about God's grace in the restraint of his power. Would any of us be here if God immediately judged us for our sins against him and others?

We can see God's power every day in creation, but what about his ability to deal with a jealous co-worker or an obnoxious relative? Can I trust God to deal with people who get under my skin? Is God's power in me so great that I can pray for my enemies instead of plotting their destruction?

"God is so powerful he made all the people on the earth different colors, and the animals furry and different types," says Taylor, 7. If God didn't like diversity and variety, he would have made us all alike.

"God says that He is all powerful. He always does what he promises!" says Lacey, 11.

The Bible contains more than 30,000 promises. When Christians link the power of God with the promises of God, they will enjoy the peace of God. Every test we face for the strengthening of our faith boils down to believing a promise from God. We build our character by proving his character when we face the unknown by standing on His promises.

"God has love in his power," says Lindsay, 6. In fact, "He's so powerful, he loves us," says Kate, 6.

"God is so powerful he let Jesus die on the cross and let him rise again," says Adam, 10. Yes, now you're seeing something paradoxical. This shameful crucifixion, a criminal's death between two thieves, looked like humiliation and defeat. It was the power of a love so great that God spared nothing (not even his only Son) in his efforts to restore harmony with us.

Think about this: Angels must have strained with anticipation and fingered their swords as they waited for a command from Jesus to strike down the Roman soldiers who nailed him to a cross. The command never came.

Katy, 7, sums it up when she writes, "God is so powerful he can take away our sin."

Memorize this truth: "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek." (Romans 1:16)

Ask this question: Do you know the power of His forgiveness in your life?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see Carey's Kid TV Interviews and more, visit http://www.KidsTalkAboutGod.org/ The Kids Talk About God website contains free, online content for children and families. Print free lessons from the "Kids Color Me Bible" and make your own book. Watch for free the adventures of an 11-year-old girl traveling around the world, visiting missionaries in the Mission Explorers Streaming Video. Print Bible pictures drawn by kids that illustrate Scripture verses. Receive a complimentary, weekly e-mail subscription to our Devotional Bible Lessons. Bible quotations in this column are from the New King James Version. Copyright 2006 Carey Kinsolving

13 Ways To Help Your Child Make The Best Of Himself Or Herself

Writen by Alex Dale

There are ways we, as parents, can help our child grow and develop to become the a great person. We all want that for our child, but do we do all we can to help them do that? Here are a few great ways to help you child grow:

Love - love you child unconditionally. Weather he dose his homework or not, cleans his room or not. Your love should be way beyond these things. Your child will notice that.

Tell them you love them - Just tell them "I love you", a few times a day. If you find that difficult, you only need it more.

Believe - have faith in your child's abilities and potential. Tell him that you do believe in him and his ability. There is no better way to grow a potent adult than believing in him totally.

Set an example - This way your child can learn about the right and wrong straight from your behavior. Always remember that a child will learn weather you set a good or a dab example.

Commend your child every time he acts in a way you find to be a good way. Commending him insures he will act that way the nest time, too.

Tell them what you see as good features - if you think that generosity is a good feature to have, tell that to your child, and commend them each time they act in a generous way.

Remember that each child is different - let every child develop in his unique way and remember that an approach that is good for one child is not suitable for the other one.

Stay positive - Tell your child what's good, not what's bad. For example, tell them that "being polite will bring you better results in life" instead of telling them that : "being rude will get you no where in life"

Take a few seconds before you say something to your child. - especially when they did something wrong, pay closer attention to what you're saying to your child. What's the smartest thing you can tell him right now?

Tell you child a story that has a positive message for life. I still remember the stories I was told when I was a child and the effect they had on me!

Try to establish a peaceful environment in your home - this will have a lasting effect on the kind of person your child will grow to be.

Look at other parents and learn - take the good things and think how you can implement them with your child. Take the bad things and beware not to do that to your child.

Ask yourself each day - how can I be a better parent?

Being a better parent is not always easy but it have a lasting effect on how your child will grow and develop. Most parents just go with the flow. Don't be like that. Make an effort to being a better parent. The rewards are priceless.

Want to learn more about Parenting? Visit Alex Dale's http://www.parenting-advice-101.info/ We talk more about parenting advice and parenting programs.

How Does Divorce Affect Teenagers

Writen by Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

"After a turbulent 18 years of marriage, I believe my husband and I will be getting a divorce soon. We've split up lots of times before (due to both his and my affairs) and we've tried counseling, but this time I think it is finally over. There is too much hurt and too much anger. Cliché of me perhaps, but I have stayed because of my kids. I just want to know, how does divorce really affect teenagers? I have two teens: a 14-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy." —Soon-To-Be Single Mom

Positive Parenting Tip for Teenagers Dealing with Divorce

Dear Soon-To-Be Single Mom:

Bottom line—getting a divorce will rock your teens' world.

Yet chances are your children have already experienced the negative affects of your strained relationship to your husband. Yongmim Sun, assistant professor at Ohio State, conducted a National Education Longitudinal Study with over 10,000 students and concluded that: "The negative effects that we associate with divorce are actually evident in teens at least one year before the marriage has ended.... It's not accurate to say divorce doesn't matter at all, but it is true that much of the damage to adolescents has already occurred before the divorce." (Journal of Marriage and Family, August 2001).

So how will your teens react? There is no way to tell for certain, but generally teens and pre-teens dealing with their parents divorce may become:

1. Angry and highly critical of their parents' decision.

2. Depressed or withdrawn from both parents, while seeking stronger connections with peers.

3. Disillusioned with marriage and feel rejected by one or both parents.

4. Better behaved—hoping that this will save their parents' marriage.

5. Involved with risk-taking activities (i.e. skipping class, turning to drugs and alcohol, becoming sexually active, etc.)

6. Withdrawn from one parent as a form of punishment—while taking the side of the other parent.

Fortunately, you can mitigate some of these negative effects by:

1. Maintaining current family routines (as much as possible) and ensuring that your kids have quality time with both you and your husband.

2. Resisting the urge to lean on your teens for support and instead seeking counseling and the support of your own friends.

3. Taking a vow of silence whenever you feel compelled to speak ill of your husband while in the presence of your children.

4. Ensuring that your teens have support from friends and family. Research suggests that support from extended members of your family and community can make a world of difference when it comes to having your teens successfully survive a divorce.

5. Finding a counselor for your teens that they like and can confide in (school counselors are sometimes useful to consult).

6. Continuing to expect respect from your teens and maintaining your current household rules.

Divorce (and the lead up to divorce) puts a strain on everyone in the family. By striving to make your divorce as amicable as possible, by finding support for your teens and counseling for you, and by staying connected with your children you will get through this—and so will they.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here.

You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com - All rights reserved.

Incomplete Duration Of Pregnancy

Writen by Vladimir Luchkin

As a rule, a future mother imagines her baby's birth in all details. And of course, after complete 9 months. Any violation of assumed march of events involves panic and can even cause depression. This is quite understandable, taking into account the fact that some future mothers find themselves in a labour ward right after their working place, and others – literally in the first days of a maternity leave.

Most often, pre-natal infections and anhormonia of a woman's organism serve as a reason for premature birth (when a baby is born on the term less than 37 complete weeks of pregnancy). There're also reasons of psychological character: when a woman feels stress or negative emotional loads constantly. You shouldn't also ignore a future mother's age (you should be especially careful, if you're under 18 or after 30 years), her weight (if it's less than 45 kg) and small height (under 150 cm). Women with smoking habit are also in a risk-group. It won't be good too, if a father smokes.

A woman's gynaecological past is also important:

- abortion,
- numerous miscarriages,
- pregnancy, coming soon after preceding childbirth.
- abortion,- numerous miscarriages,- pregnancy, coming soon after preceding childbirth.

According to statistics, a risk of premature birth is high for future mothers, working during the whole period of pregnancy. Especially, if duration of a working week is more than 40 hours, and professional duties are connected with frequent and long business-trips or trips.

A future mother should treat her pregnancy with great responsibility, so that childbirth would take place in time. This means she has to pass through all necessary medical examinations yet before conception, and if necessary, cure all possible urogenital infections, which can provoke fetus contamination and, accordingly, premature birth. Not to mention that she has to use her maternity leave for sure, as it was arranged especially for her.

What if a baby is still born in incomplete 9 months?

In this case, a young mother should blame herself for this on no account. At least, because of the fact that ecological situation (density of population, general organism weakening etc.) may be the reason for premature birth. And we cannot lay claims to it.

However, the main thing for a woman in such situation – is to pay all her attention to the solution of troubles, connected with a baby's health and arrangement of good terms with a medical staff, taking care of her baby. It's not wishful to sink into depression, as a baby feels his mother's mood very well, as her negative will hardly help him adapting to new conditions. Even if you cannot hold your baby, your tender strokes and words will be of great benefit for him.

Remember: he needs your presence, like oxygen. Even in that case, when he's put into couveuse or a special incubator – a heat-apparatus, where you can assign temperature and humidity, close to endometrial atmosphere at most. Don't panic, when you see lines and sensors, connected up to your baby, - all these measures are directed on your baby's soonest recovery and development.

By the way, if a baby was born prematurely, doctors may feed him using a probe during first time, as such new-born babies often have no coordination between sucking and swallowing, and milk also comes to a mother later in such cases. A mother will be able to put her baby to her breast on 5-7th day, as a rule.

However, these are not most unpleasant moments, which a young mother should be worried of. Her main anxieties, of course, will be connected with further health problems of a baby. The matter is, that the less time a baby spends in a mother's belly, the more often he'll suffer from respiratory distress. Lungs open not enough, and edema syndrome may appear. Retinal damage is often met among premature children, who were born earlier than on 32 week of pregnancy, regardless of their weight. Retinal damage quite often leads to ablepsia. Ablepsia can be easily prevented under timely treatment. That's why premature babies under 2 months should be examined by oculist without fail.

In order to make a hospital atmosphere close to a home one at most, bring a baby's cloth and toys from home (having agreed this with doctors beforehand); ask doctors to permit you staying with your baby as much longer and even hold him. You shouldn't be shy to apply for doctors asking about additional information on this subject and observe their advices impeccably, in order to know all pluses and minuses of your baby's development. And of course, believe everything will be ok, and you'll leave hospital with your absolutely healthy baby in the nearest time.

Vlad Luchkin, http://www.baby-health.net

Sideline Dad

Writen by J Gardener

You scored great seats for this game-right on the fifty. Now, it's nail-biting time. Your team's down by six, but they're on the fifteen, inside the red zone-it's third-and-five, with thirty seconds left. It's now or never, as your quarterback keeps the ball, slips around the end, dodges one tackler, bowls over another, lunges for the pylon-he's in! Your cheer lifts you out of your seat, you spill popcorn everywhere.

Then you see it-the yellow flag. Offensive holding-no touchdown. The clock runs out. But wait a minute-a fellow fan storms the field, going right for the ref. A scuffle takes place, then another fan goes for your team's coach-screaming something about boneheaded play-calling. It starts to get ugly, when Security rushes in to break things up. Thank goodness this field has Security. It has to-this is Pop Warner Football, after all. No telling, what these crazy fathers are capable of.

The "football" or "baseball" or "sideline" father is the male equivalent of the infamous stage-mother. He prowls the sidelines at his son's games, screaming advice at the coach, curses at the ref, and criticism at his own son.

Believe it or not, there are highly qualified and motivated would-be coaches who won't go near Pop Warner Football or Little League Baseball or the local soccer league, any more. At best, for coaches and referees, the presence of fathers on the sidelines can be distracting and annoying-at worst, it really can be dangerous. Angry fathers have assaulted and injured coaches, everywhere. The only losers, when good coaches can't be recruited, are the players-the kids-who will never benefit from the patience and expertise these men can bring to the game.

The old adage, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game", seems to have vanished from our collective consciousness, today. The pressure to win, at all costs, is pervasive in our culture. Today's most popular TV shows-the "reality" shows-joyfully encourage ruthless behavior in pursuit of victory.

Adults have the experience to make their own judgements about such behavior, but young children are still going through the development of their interpersonal relationship skills, and team sports can provide valuable lessons:

How to work together, toward a common goal;
How to accept and process the discipline required to succeed;
How to blend individual talents and abilities into a successful group effort;
How to learn from defeat, and work together to improve future performance.

Most of all, team sports for kids ought to be about having fun. It's difficult for a boy to have a good time on the field when his dad is screaming criticism from the sidelines, either at him or the coach.

All dads want the best for their kids. Even sideline dads are motivated by the desire to see their kids do well and enjoy the feeling that comes with winning. But no one wins every time, and that's a valuable lesson, too-that disappointment is survivable.

The best feeling kids can have, though, isn't necessarily reflected by the scoreboard at the end of the game. The best feeling is the pure fun kids have had for generations, just chasing a ball and each other, in the dirt and grass, not caring about the score-or who's declared victorious. Plenty of time for that, when they grow up.

Brought to you by Imaginary Greetings, a regular contributor of valuable family oriented articles. To help create the perfect family holiday and for the best selection of animated lighting visit Santa's Official Holiday Lighting Shop.

Helping The Aggressive Child

Writen by Helene Rothschild

Chuck, an active ten-year-old boy, was fidgeting as he was sitting in the large gold reclining chair. His busy hands and feet were moving constantly, and his eyes were reflecting his fears. Chuck did not want to be in my office but his mother, Pat, thought it was important for him to resolve his problems, and insisted that he come in for one counseling session.

Pat sat upright on the couch as she told me about Chuck's angry outbursts, his desire to kill animals, his willingness to follow his destructive friend blindly—even when he knew the behavior was wrong, his hurtful aggression to his younger brother, and the complaint he received from his teacher about his bad attitude in class.

I immediately began to build trust and rapport with Chuck by asking him questions about his favorite hobbies and subjects in school, and how he felt about his problem. When Chuck was convinced that I was really listening without judging him, he agreed to allow his mother to leave the room.

Then I told Chuck that he had all the answers to his problems inside of himself. Therefore, I was going to ask him to close his eyes so that he could go inward to find them. I said, "Chuck, I am going to guide you, and I want you to know that you are in control. Please tell me how you are feeling, and if you don't want to do something."

Confident that he was safe with me, Chuck closed his big brown eyes and began to relax. I first guided him to his safe place which was in the woods behind his home. As Chuck was imagining that he was in the woods, he spontaneously took a deep breath and relaxed some more. His hands and feet finally ceased their continuous movement.

Then I asked Chuck to rate how much he liked himself by seeing a number from one to ten, with ten indicating high self-esteem. Chuck saw the number five.

I continued by saying, "Chuck, imagine that you are in a theater, and that you are visualizing the white movie screen. Now see on the screen an image of a person you are angry with." He replied, "I see my dad." I continued, "Chuck, allow yourself to tell your dad what you are angry about. There are no consequences since he is not here and I won't tell anyone what you say."

With my continued encouragement, Chuck told his dad how angry he was at him for yelling and slapping him, and for ignoring him. When I asked Chuck what decisions he was making about himself from his dad's behavior, he told me that he believed he must be bad and unimportant.

Knowing that those negative thoughts about himself were the key to his acting out behavior, I asked Chuck to say, "Dad, what you say or do is a reflection of you and not of me. No matter what you tell me or how you act towards me, I am okay. I'm a good person even when I make mistakes. I'm important whether you spend time with me or not. I imagine that you are doing to me what your father did to you. I'm sorry that you didn't get the kindness, patience, and attention you needed from your father. You must be in a lot of pain to treat me like that. I understand that you love me and don't mean to hurt me. I forgive you."

After Chuck repeated those healing words to his father, he sighed with relief and his face looked more relaxed. He told me that he was feeling much better.

With further exploration, Chuck realized that even though he hated his dad's aggressive behavior, he was becoming just like him. Chuck also had a bad temper, and was yelling at and hitting his younger brother. Chuck's desire to hurt animals was his way of releasing the angry feelings that he had towards his dad. Chuck was misbehaving in school in order to get the attention he wasn't receiving from his father. He was also trying to be noticed more by his mother who he felt was favoring his older sister. With further introspection, Chuck realized that because he did not like himself very much, he was willing to take abuse from his friend and do what he said just to be accepted.

Finally, Chuck admitted that he was hurting because his parents were not getting along. On some level, he felt responsible for their unhappiness (something children often mistakenly do). After I helped Chuck realize that he was not responsible for his parents' pain and upsets, he felt even better about himself.

I concluded the session by asking Chuck to evaluate his progress by once again seeing a number that represented how much he liked himself. This time, Chuck saw the number eight. He was very pleased with himself, and I acknowledged him for his courage and wonderful work.

It was then time to call his mother back into the office. With Chuck's permission, I told Pat all that had transpired in the session. I emphasized to Pat how important it was to resolve her issues with her husband, and to make sure that the children are told that they are not responsible. I also expressed to Pat that often one child acts out the pain of the family, and Chuck seemed to be the one who was unconsciously doing just that.

Pat was very grateful and willing to pursue counseling with her husband. She realized that I was speaking the truth when I told her that she and her husband were the foundation for the family. With a loving relationship, constructive communication, and good parenting skills, the children were likely to have high self-esteem and be healthy and successful.

The following week, Pat called to inform me that Chuck's teacher was pleased with the improvement in his attitude, and that he was able to break off his friendship with his destructive, demeaning pal. Chuck was acting much kinder to his brother, and no longer talked about killing animals.

Obviously, the once-aggressive Chuck was becoming the loving being he truly is. How wonderful it would be if everyone overcame their destructive behavior, and expressed their love which is their natural state. What a wonderful, peaceful world this would be.

Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, author, speaker, teacher and workshop facilitator. To empower people, she developed a unique process, HART: Holistic And Rapid Transformation. She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, a self-help on-line program, inspirational books, e-books, tapes, cards, posters and independent studies. http://www.helenerothschild.com

Delightful Defrazzlers

Writen by Darlene Hull

I will cherish this moment. I will not let it slip away like sand between my fingers.

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come, but I have this moment today!

(Unknown)

With the crazy kinds of schedules that moms need to cope with today It's more important than ever to learn how to grab hold of moments to refresh, strengthen and nourish our souls and bodies. If you asked most mothers what their biggest frustration is, I think you'd find that one of them is a lack of time to look after their own needs so that they can be more effective at their mothering.

The key for me has been the ability to find small moments – like five minutes - and then use them well. The trick is being prepared! Here are some ideas to get you started.

"Mini Car-Spa"- In the glove compartment of your car put a CD of relaxing music, a facial mister (or make your own with distilled water and a few drops of tangerine essential oil) and a stress ball. When you end up waiting in the car, put on the CD, spritz your face with the mister, and then breathe deeply

"Waiting Room Manicure" in a small bag in your purse, put a good nail file and some really luxurious hand and nail cream – not cheap stuff, really good stuff. While you're waiting, file your nails and then take time to massage the cream well into your hands and nails.

"Humour for the Arsenic Hour" - The "arsenic hour" is that time at the end of the day just before supper when everyone's grumpy and tired. Here's a good way to cope. Somewhere handy in your kitchen keep a book that makes you laugh – like Erma Bombeck. Then, in that "useless five minutes" while you're waiting for dinner to finish cooking, get a cup of really good tea/coffee, and sit for a minute and read a few bits of humour. The laughter will ease the tension of a long day, and put you in a good frame of mind for dinner with the family.

"Insomnia kit" - get a nice lavender scented candle (real essential oil is better than an artificially scented one), a CD of Bach's "Goldberg Variations" (written for an insomniac King!) and a book like "Chicken Soup" with short, inspirational stories and put them into a little basket by a comfy chair somewhere outside of your bedroom. When you can't sleep turn on the music, light the candle, and breathe deeply. Then curl up and read the book until you're sleepy. Just make sure you don't fall asleep before putting out the candle!

There are lots of other ways you can utilize frustrating moments to re-charge your batteries. Just use your more lucid moments to think about what you'd rather be doing, and get it ready for the next time! I'd love to hear any ideas you have – just send me a quick e-mail at darlene@mom-defrazzler.com

Darlene Hull, www.mom-defrazzler.com

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Darlene Hull is a local, ordinary, imperfect mom who sees her mission as helping moms look after themselves so that they can better look after their families. Darlene is married to Tom and has two children – Simon (12) and Christina (10.5) whom she home schools. You can find out more about her on her website at http://www.mom-defrazzler.com and even download a free "Mom-Defrazzler" while you're there.

Top 50 Father Quotations

Writen by Danielle Hollister

1. "The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and I call him Dad! "
   -- Anonymous

2. "Our earth is degenerate in these latter days; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; and the end of the world is evidently approaching."
   -- Assyrian clay tablet 2800 B.C.

3. "The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears."
   -- Francis Bacon, Sr.

4. "A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. "
   -- Enid Bagnold

5. "We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become parents."
   -- Henry Ward Beecher

6. "I have always looked at life as a voyage, mostly wonderful, sometimes frightening. In my family and friends I have discovered treasure more valuable than gold."
   -- Jimmy Buffet

7. "The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them. "
   -- Confucius

8. "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope."
   -- Bill Cosby

9. "You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together. "
   -- Erika Cosby

10. "Be kind to thy father, for when thou were young, who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, and joined in thy innocent glee. "
    -- Margaret Courtney

11. "Role modeling is the most basic responsibility of parents. Parents are handing life's scripts to their children, scripts that in all likelihood will be acted out for the rest of the children's lives."
    -- Stephen R. Covey

12. "What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father. "
    -- Mary Mapes Dodge

14. "To her the name of father was another name for love. "
    -- Fanny Fern

15. "Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach."
    -- Arnold Glasow

16. "When Charles first saw our child Mary, he said all the proper things for a new father. He looked upon the poor little red thing and blurted, 'She's more beautiful than the Brooklyn Bridge. "
    -- Helen Hayes

17. "To be a successful father...there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. "
    -- Ernest Hemingway

18. "The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."
    -- Burton Hillis

19. "I am not caused by my history--my parents, my childhood and development. These are mirrors in which I may catch glimpses of my image."
    -- James Hillman

20. "There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson. "
    -- Victor Hugo

21. "You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was."
    -- Irish Proverb

22. "Any woodsman can tell you that in a broken and sundered nest, one can hardly find more than a precious few whole eggs. So it is with the family."
    -- Thomas Jefferson

23. "My dear father; my dear friend; the best and wisest man I ever knew, who taught me many lessons and showed me many things as we went together along the country by-ways."
    -- Sarah Orne Jewett

24. "When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry. "
    -- Jewish Proverb

25. "The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends."
    -- Samuel Johnson

26. "He was all questions. But small boys expect their fathers to be walking lexicons, to do two jobs at once, to give replies as they are working, whether laying stones or building models...digging up a shrub, or planting flower beds...Boys have a right to ask their fathers questions...Fathers are the powers that be, and with their power and might must shelter, guard, and hold and teach and love...All men with sons must learn to do these things...Too soon, too soon, a small son grows and leaves his father's side to test his manhood's wings. "
    --Roy Z. Kemp

27. "My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," my dad would reply, "we're raising boys."--Harmon Killebrew

28. "Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, "This I am today; that I will be tomorrow."
    -- Louis L'Amour

29. "A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father."
    -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

30. "The love of a father is one of nature's greatest masterpieces."

31. "The merry family gatherings-- The old, the very young The strangely lovely way they Harmonize in carols sung. For Christmas is tradition time-- Traditions that recall The precious memories down the years, The sameness of them all."
    -- Helen Lowrie Marshall

32. "The thing to remember about fathers is, they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon--seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock--full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat - like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle I it took such months to get. "
    -- Phyllis Mcginley

33. "Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush; anxious for greater developments and greater wishes and so on; so that children have very little time for their parents; Parents have very little time for each other; and the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world."
    -- Mother Teresa

34. "It is much easier to become a father than to be one."
    -- Kent Nerburn (Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man)

35. "As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live."
    -- Pope John Paul II

36. "He who is taught to live upon little owes more to his father's wisdom than he who has a great deal left him does to his father's care. "
    -- William Penn

37. "The fundamental defect with fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them. "
    -- Bertrand Russell

38. "Good parents give their children Roots and Wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what's been taught them."
    -- Jonas Salk

39. "Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible--the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family."
    -- Virginia Satir

40. "I've been very blessed. My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted. When you grow up in a household like that, you learn to believe in yourself."
    -- Rick Schroeder

41. "It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. "
    -- Anne Sexton

42. "It is a wise father that knows his own child."
    -- William Shakespeare

43. "My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately "
    -- George Bernard Shaw

44. "It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping."
    -- John Sinor

45. "The family--that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to."
    -- Dodie Smith

46. "All the feeling which my father could not put into words was in his hand--any dog, child or horse would recognize the kindness of it."
    -- Freya Stark

47. "It's clear that most American children suffer too much mother and too little father."
    -- Gloria Steinem

48. "Children learn to smile from their parents."
    -- Shinichi Suzuki

49. "Cultivate your own capabilities, your own style. Appreciate the members of your family for who they are, even though their outlook or style may be miles different from yours. Rabbits don't fly. Eagles don't swim. Ducks look funny trying to climb. Squirrels don't have feathers. Stop comparing. There's plenty of room in the forest."
    -- Chuck Swindoll

50. "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. "
    -- Mark Twain

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp

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Working Moms Vs Stayathome Moms Lets Stop Debating Each Other And Debate The System Instead

Writen by Tina Frazer

I could nearly fund my children's future education if I received money every time I've heard a woman say, "I wish I could afford to stay at home full time." Sometimes you can recognize a few working women making this statement to avoid judgment from the stay-at-home parenting world (and they shouldn't feel this way). However, a majority of these women truly prefer to be at home, and are spending days trapped in a work "cell" and feeling committed for life.

First and foremost, I would like to stress that I am not going to join the pros or cons of either side of this debate. I have been both a working mother and a stay-at-home mother. I think they both have their advantages and disadvantages. I have equally loved and loathed both on any given day!

When I was working in sales and marketing, I loved the ability to meet new people, to negotiate, to close deals, to be given a task, a goal, a deadline, and to be able to start and finish a project. The hardest transition to full time "mommy" world for me is that no task or project ever seems complete. I make the meal and it's quickly eaten. I make and clean up after another meal, and another meal only to be greeted by requests for many impromptu snacks. I do the laundry, and it's worn, becomes dirty and needs to be done again. I wash the dishes, the floor, clean the house, and within a matter of hours my hard work is all undone. This applies to the bigger projects as well, like reorganizing cupboards, closets, and drawers, although at least this usually buys me a few days of pride and satisfaction, rather than just a few hours.

However, even though my tasks may never seem accomplished, my house never as clean as I feel it is suppose to be, there are days when I am playing with my children, laughing, hugging, holding them and I think I would have missed moment. Everyday they grow and change and it becomes harder to remember what they were like the month prior, nonetheless a year prior. For this I am thankful for an opportunity to have these special "mommy" moments.

I think that we as women have such strong bonds and influence on each other in friendships and in family relationships. We need to use that influence and stop debating each other over who is right and who is wrong in the stay-at-home or work debate and just accept that we each have our own "right".

For women who desperately yearn to be home with their children, we need to fight for employers and businesses to create better work at home opportunities so that if money is an issue, and a dual income is necessary, it doesn't have to be at the cost of our desired family life. After carrying a child inside of us for nine months and giving birth, we have earned the right to spend every waking moment with him or her is we so desire.

For women who truly enjoy and thrive in a work atmosphere, I say then don't feel guilty. I am taking pleasure in a hiatus right now, but I sincerely enjoyed working as well. Women have labored a long, hard time to pave the way for the success were seeing in today's culture and you needn't give that up to become a mother if working makes you happy. The popular saying that relates to families "if Mom is happy, we're all happy" couldn't be more true!

I will emphasize that as a working Mother or parent, you do need to set boundaries with your employer, and let them know that your family is as important as your career. When I was working, I fought for and demanded a part-time flexible schedule that worked for my family.

Except for the occasional project, I made it a priority to leave the office on time everyday, making it understood by my boss and coworkers that this was my schedule and I would not impress anyone with late night office departures.

Coincidently, in every office I have worked in, it is often those who consistently spent most of their day accomplishing very little, that ended up burning the "midnight" oil. I spent my days working smart and efficiently, and felt no guilt at my "on time" departure routine. So don't feel pressured to stay late, because it looks good in the eyes of your coworkers. My bosses always knew how hard I worked, and none of them blinked an eye when I left for the day.

So ladies, instead of debating each other, let's use our influence, our power, our minds, and our hearts, to help each other do what is right for one another; even if our "right" may be different from someone else's. We all need to work together in order to continue to make a difference. Together, we can make certain that work choices, family flexible schedules, and genuine work from home opportunities are available to us so we can support our families both financially and emotionally.

We may not always agree when it comes to various parenting issues, but I am certain as parents we can unanimously agree that we all love our children.

Tina Frazer is the Founder of Let's Be Friends.net, a friendship website for women. Let's Be Friends.net promotes and encourages new friendships among women of all ages* and stages of life who share similar interests, lifestyles, and values. Our mission at Let's Be Friends.net is to reintroduce friendship as a priority in women's lives. For more information about Let's Be Friends.net visit http://www.letsbefriends.net

*Members must be at least 18 years old.

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What Is A Mother Worth

Writen by Paul Martin

The Wall Street Journal recently took a look at several different methods one might use to quantify the value of a stay-at-home mother. Considering what it would cost to pay someone from outside the family to take on all the responsibilities a mother fulfills, the estimates ranged up to over $130,000 per year.

It's nice to see people making an honest effort to show the great value stay-at-home mothers contribute to their families and society. Still, we all know that no dollar amount can be placed on what it is worth to a child to have devoted, caring parents who are actually there for them.

The proof is in what happens when a child does *not* have parents like that.

Every day we are bombarded by statistics showing that today's generation of teens is the most poorly educated, most promiscuous, most heavily drug and alcohol using group of the past century. And what is the single most frequently cited characteristic correlated with teens in these categories? It isn't poverty, if that is what you were thinking. It is a lack of parental involvement in their lives, especially among children who have either only one parent (in which case that parent must spend the majority of their time supporting the family financially), or have two parents working outside the home.

For many families, this is an unavoidable reality. In today's America, wages and salaries have not even remotely kept up with the rise in housing prices and overall cost of living over the past 25 years.

But for many more families, this is a conscious choice. The values of our society now dictate that any mother (or father) who chooses to devote their work day to their children is a drag upon the economy and a waste of talent. Especially where my family recently lived for seven years, in Silicon Valley, it is common for a single household to have two incomes, each in the $75,000-$150,000 range. Is there any financial need for two such incomes? Not unless having a mansion and a Hummer fit your criteria for needs.

Children growing up in such a family are not truly raised by their parents, as they only spend a handful of hours with them each day. They are raised first by a nanny or daycare, then by their peers and teachers at school, and most importantly, by the television. Is it any wonder then when the children hit their teenage years and their parents feel like they hardly know them sometimes?

Interestingly, one effect of this situation, not only in America but throughout the Western World, has been the de-valuation of children as a group. If careers and material goods come first, then children can be a serious hindrance. So instead of parents viewing their children as blessings, they end up viewing them as sacrifices they are only willing to make one or two times.

The result is a massive decline in population in these countries. America itself recently fell below the 2.1 children per family that a nation needs to sustain its population. In Europe, the number of children per family now ranges from 1.82 in Ireland to a paltry 1.25 in Poland.

To understand what that means, consider this. Spain, with a birth rate of 1.28 children per family, is on track to lose 25 percent of their population by 2050. Those that remain will be disproportionately retired and elderly, thereby destroying any possibility for Social Security-style support programs or a properly functioning economy. Similar futures are in store for every other nation in Europe, and eventually America as well.

So what is a stay-at-home mother worth? It cannot be measured in dollars. The very existence of a healthy, thriving society depends upon adults making the decision that the next generation, their children, is more important to them than monetary gain, professional prestige, or the convenience of "not having to drag the kids around."

If parents do not exert their talents and energies on their #1 responsibility, the raising of their children, then their children will realistically be raised by the society around them. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't trust the society of Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City with raising my pet dog, much less my child.

So to you hard-working, dedicated parents, who either stay at home or have to work but do your darndest to make raising your children your first priority, I thank you. I thank you because the world of my children's future and the world of your children's future are one and the same. And the more people we have living in that world that were raised by their parents instead of their television, the better that world will be.

-------------------------------

Copyright, Paul Martin, Noss Galen Baby LLC 2006

Paul and Alison Martin are the owners of Noss Galen Baby LLC, a small online business dedicated to offering innovative, hard-to-find products for babies and toddlers at affordable prices.

To subscribe or to see previous issues of Paul's "Live and Learn" newsletter, please visit http://www.NossGalenBaby.com/newsletter.html.

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Loving Your Stepchildren

Writen by Judy H. Wright

Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It is not enough for parents, step parents and extended family to feel a deep glow of love for the children in your circle of influence. You must convey that feeling into a message that is heard, felt and integrated by the child. Children need to be told both verbally and non-verbally how much they are valued for just being them.

As I interviewed children for my latest book Raise a Confident Child, I was struck by how many children thought their parent's love was tied to their performance, character or behavior. As Jeremy told me "When ever I score at soccer, my dad really loves me."

As I teach in parenting classes across the country, many people ask me what they can do to have stronger families and more harmony at home. My answer is in the non-verbal clues we give our children. Verbal communication is the language of information and much of that is spent in lecturing, teaching and correcting our children. No wonder they tune most of it out. Studies have shown we remember only 10—20% of what we hear.

Non-verbal communication is the language of relationships and is remembered and believed 80-90% of the time. So even if you do tell your children you love them, do you show them how precious they are to you? Do your actions demonstrate that your love and acceptance is not conditional upon their school grades, soccer goals or manners at the table?

Below are 8 simple (note I did not say easy, because any positive change in behavior is hard, but the end result is well worth the effort) ways to express your love and appreciation to and for your child.

1. Play games together. From the earliest months of your baby's life, it came natural to play peek-a-boo when changing a diaper, or airplane when trying to get food into your toddler's mouth. As children get less dependent on us, we forget to play silly games to hold their attention. Bring out the board games and turn off the TV, or play tag in the backyard. Do not allow competition or winning become more important than just being together.

2. Read with or to them at least 20 minutes daily. Children, even a few months old are comforted and soothed by the sound and rhythm of your voice as you read to them. The most important sounds a child can hear come from his parents and care-givers. When you read to children, you share such an important message for them, that you value reading and learning. Snuggling up and reading every day before bedtime or while dinner is cooking should continue, even after the children can read by themselves. We found the best way to curtail arguments while the after-dinner chores were being done, was to read aloud. Good stories provide problem solving experiences and allow children to look at events in their own lives from a different perspective. Turn off the TV and turn on the imagination as you read together.

3. Start and end each day on a positive note. Remember to use body language to indicate approval. A hug, high five, pat on the back or smile says so much without saying anything verbal .It has been said that eyes are the windows of our souls. If that is indeed true, and I think it is, make sure your eyes always say "hello, I'm glad to see you and I am glad you are in my life." Recognize when your child is helpful and cooperative. Many times we take it for granted when our children do their chores without being reminded, are pleasant to the family and write down messages. However, we only react, sometimes loudly and with negative body language, when the message wasn't given, the chore wasn't done quickly enough or the attitude is less than approachable.

4. Try complimenting them at least once a day. Think of it like a daily vitamin, they may not need the supplementation today, but then again they might. Don't let a day go by without letting them know how much they are appreciated and loved. A wonderful ritual a blended family we know does is recite to children individually each night a list of all the people in their lives that love them. They end with saying, "You are such a blessed and lucky person, look how many people love and care about you."

5. Truly listen to them. One of the most effective ways to show a child you love him or her is to pay attention when they are talking. Be empathic while accepting your child's feelings and try to maintain eye contact while they are sharing with you. Children are often deeply upset over things that seem pretty trivial to adults. When we brush off or trivialize their concerns it feels like a rejection of him personally.

6. Have family meetings. It is good to remember a family is an organization. In fact, it is the basic organization of society. This is just one of the reasons I am such a proponent of family meetings. You wouldn't think of running a successful business without a plan, goal setting meetings, team building sessions and clear missions and expectations. For more information on how to set up family meetings see www.ArtichokePress.com .

7. Develop love touches and signals. The safest touch your new baby has is you. Let him feel your cheek against his sweet little head; rub his legs and arms when you change his diaper. As children grow older, surround them with love in the form of hugs, kisses, holding hands when taking a walk or even winking at them when they look at you. Develop love signals for children as they begin to draw away from displays of affection in public. Perhaps your family gives high fives, touches thumbs, or squeezes each other's hands quickly to show you are all on the same team.

8. Keep a list of reasons you admire them. Sometimes the very things that irritate us the most with children are the strengths they will need to succeed in life. We have to recognize that a stubborn child will turn into a tenacious adult, eventually.

9. Separate the deed from the doer. Remember it is the behavior that we find unacceptable not the child. There is a big difference between the two and when we are angry, we tend to lump them together. Just because John takes money from the dresser does not make him a thief. It makes him a boy who made a bad decision and needs to learn that it is not acceptable to take money or anything else from anyone without permission.

10. Don't make it or take it personal. All families have squabbles and all children say they wish their parents and caregivers were more lenient, generous or understanding. We all try to do the best we can with what we have been given, but we are the adults and must make sure that no matter what the children have given or called us, that we give them guidance, love, discipline and respect. It is our obligation to set consistent boundaries and to assist them in growing into self-directed, contributing members of society.

So often we do what is called unconscious parenting, just getting through the day. It is not that we don't love our family; it is just that the love sometimes gets lost in the translation through poor communications or unskillful methods. I would like to challenge you to be more conscious in the words and actions that affect the children in your circle of influence. Hopefully, you will find some techniques here that will assist you in your efforts.

You do the most important work in the world.

"I was a step-parent at the young age of 24 and would have appreciated the information contained within this article in relation to my role in my step-children's lives. Thank you." -Mary M. Arthur

© Judy H. Wright

Parent educator and PBS "Ready to Learn" consultant, Judy H. Wright works with Head Start staff, child care resource centers, schools and parent organizations internationally. As a powerful and popular presenter for adults who work with children, Judy's also authored over twenty books. For more information on books, clients and testimonials or to book Judy for your next event, call 1-877-842-3431 or go to www.ArtichokePress.com. She is a founding member of Montana Speakers Network and is a regional representative for National Association for Women Writers.

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Let Your Children Help You Prepare For The Big Move

Writen by Barbara Freedman-De Vito

INTRODUCTION AND INTUITION

Are you and your children moving house soon ? If you're moving to a new town or a new region, it can be rough on your children as they may feel uprooted and disoriented. Your children lose the comfort and security of the world they know - from their private spaces to their more public places: their bedroom, their house, their yard, their neighborhood, their school, their local park, their town and so forth. Worst of all, they lose regular contact with their friends and, possibly, aunts, uncles and cousins in the bargain. In addition, they suddenly find themselves the "new kids in town," trying to find their niche in a new community.

This article offers some ideas that you might try in order to ease the transition for your children. They're all just common sense, but a little advance planning can go a long way.

PREPARATIONS AND POSSIBILITIES

First of all, let your children know the reasons for the move: why you must move or why you want to move. Is it for a new job or a company transfer, or is it for further schooling or job training ? Is it for financial reasons, to be nearer to your own parents or other family members, due to a divorce or remarriage, for health reasons, for a new climate, for a change of scene, or simply for the adventure of it ? The less of a mystery it is, the more likely your children are to understand the situation and to cooperate.

Try to get your children excited about the move - the more interested they are, the more they'll look forward to it and the less they'll dwell on the wistful aspects of leaving their old home and familiar surroundings. Encourage them to research the new locale - its topography and climate, local history and landmarks. What interesting past events occurred in your new town or state or region ? What interesting places are there to see in the new area: state or national parks, historical buildings, unfamiliar birds and wildlife, local festivals, regional music styles, or fascinating local customs ? The bigger the move, the more there will be that's different and exciting. For example, when I once moved from the Northeastern United states to the Southeast, I found a fascinating and exotically unfamiliar world of azaleas, swamps, alligators and clog dancing.

Make the research into a game: utilizing Internet, library books, tourist office brochures and other information sources and encouraging your children to draw up lists of the types of things that will be new, or comparisons between their old and new locales. Have them list sites they'd like to visit and new foods and activities they'd like to try. They could list all of the positive points about the move, the advantages of the new climate, and so on.

If it's feasible, it might be nice to take your kids to see the new place in advance of the move. On the other hand, that might make the move itself anticlimatic, so it may depend on how inherently interesting the new location is. The more interesting and different from your old locale, the more a sneak preview visit might tantalize your children and peak their eagerness for the move itself. Either way, use books, Internet and travel videos to view glimpses of the new region.

When the time comes to house hunt or apartment hunt, involve your children in drawing up a list of criteria or desired features. What do you and they want in a new neighborhood: other kids to play with, proximity to stores and a school, a park, some woods to play in ? And what about your new home - will it have a big yard, lots of trees, or space for a flower or vegetable garden ? How many rooms will it have ? Will there be a bedroom for each child ?

If possible, let the children house hunt with you and then compare notes with them on each place that you visit. Keep them in on the decision-making process whenever you can. The more input they have into choosing a new home, the more quickly it will feel like home to them.

Once you've committed yourself to renting or buying a place and so know what school each of your children will be attending, let them learn all they can about it. Perhaps the school has a website that they can look at.

As you work your way through the myriad of details that you must take care of to ensure a smooth move from one locale to another (packing, moving vans, electricity, telephone lines, change of address cards...), try not to get mired down in the minutia. Be sensitive to how your kids are feeling and try to answer any questions that they might have. Weeks in advance you could help your children set up a countdown calendar to build their sense of anticipation as the big day approaches.

CONTINUITY AND CAMARADERIE

No matter how exciting the move will be, moving inevitably entails the sadness of leaving friends and, perhaps, family behind. Make time for special activities your children can do with their friends. Have special family days with grandparents or cousins, for farewell parties, and so forth, in the weeks leading up to the big move. Take lots of photos during these events.

Don't forget to collect addresses, phone numbers, email addresses and photographs of everyone that you and your children want to stay in touch with. Take home videos, too. (Later on, your children's photos, scrapbooks and home videos of life in and around their old home can be shown to new friends and complete the bridge between their old world and their new one.)

Try to think of novel ways that your kids will be able to continue established relationships. For example, your children could create a simple personal website for posting family news and recent photos and updates on their new life in the new place and for exchanging emails with old friends. They could start a group blog. Buy them pretty stationary for traditional penpal-style contact with old friends. Draw up an extensive Christmas card list that leaves out no one. Consider making advance promises (and then keeping them) for having your children's closest old friends come stay with you in your new home next summer, or whenever.

SETTLING IN AND SETTLING DOWN

As you're moving into your new home and unpacking, try to make the setting up of your children's special places a priority. Let them help make decisions about how to decorate their own rooms and make them as homey as possible as quickly as possible. Some of their old furniture and keepsakes will provide them with some security and continuity and help them settle in more quickly and easily. Don't forget other spots that contribute to making your kids feel at home - such as a playroom or a sandbox, swingset, or picnic table in the yard, depending on your children's ages and what they're accustomed to.

In addition to this, make it as easy as you can for your children to make new friends; you might have a housewarming party and invite neighborhood kids, encourage your kids to invite new schoolmates over after school, and participate in local events at school, the public library, or a nearby community center. Let them join afterschool clubs, scout troops, the local band or choir, an amateur theater group - whatever interests them. You can also get yourself involved in things that affect your children's lives: join the local carpool or the PTA, for instance. the sooner you all ease into daily routines, the more quickly you'll all feel like you're truly "home."

CONCLUSIONS AND COOPERATION

If the entire family pitches in to handle preparations for the big move, your children will feel more like they are important members of the family. Let each of them have a part to play in learning about your new locale, preparing for the move, keeping ties to loved ones in the old locale, and settling into your new home. Your children's attitudes should be improved, their excitement about the move heightened, and their fears diminished, if you make that extra effort and take that extra time to get them involved in every step of the process.

Good luck with your move, there's no place like home - be it old or new !

Visit Children's Clothing, Stories and Family Gifts from Baby Bird Productions for clothing and gift items for children and babies, all decorated with pictures from our children's stories, which are available on the site as downloads or on CDs. Barbara Freedman-De Vito is a professional storyteller.

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