Survival Skills For Children With Coachteacherclergyscout Leader

Writen by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

Your child needs specific skills to protect him/herself against sex offenders--coaches, teachers, scout leaders, clergy, youth group leaders and recreation leaders, who have easy access and built in ruses. Sex offenders in these groups are particularly difficult to spot because they can easily cover their true motivation for fostering a close relationship with a child.

The following survival skills will equip your child with the knowledge and skills to thwart the majority of would-be sex offenders.

• Trust and honor your child's intuitive reaction to everyone. If your child is uncomfortable with anyone, avoid forcing him/her to be in contact with that person. Request a different teacher, join a different league, join a different church or supervise closely if a change is not possible. Show up periodically unannounced at school, etc.

• Beware the teacher/coach who asks favors. Many adults, who were abused as a child by a teacher/coach have reported they were asked to carry items from the classroom/gym to the teacher/coach's office. Once inside the office the teacher/coach closed the door and the abuse was perpetrated. Tell your child never to enter a teacher/coach's office alone. If the teacher/coach asks a child to help carry items, ask another student to come along. If no other student agrees, decline to help. It seems perfectly natural for a teacher to ask for help and more often than not, it won't to a ruse. However, we can not underestimate the cunning tactics of a sex offender. Better to be cautious than sorry later.

• Beware anyone bearing gifts. Anyone buying a child a gift is promoting a closer relationship than the required relationship between teacher/child, coach/child, scout leader/child or child/clergy. Gift giving is not appropriate behavior for a non-parent or non-family member. Norman Watson, a coach convicted of child sexual abuse, stated he took his player/victims to the mall and bought games, clothes and athletic equipment. He acknowledged astonishment that their parent(s) did not question him or object.

• Beware the clergy person, who pays special attention to your child. Remember sex offenders spend months, even years grooming a child before any abuse is perpetrated. As with a teacher/coach a child needs to avoid being alone for any reason with a Priest, Minister, Rabbi or religious lay-person. When your child attends religious instruction--be sure to be available to pick-up your child immediately at the end. Decline one-on-one sessions--even though it might be recommended for your child to be ready for confirmation or to pass to the next level in a timely manner.

• Be wary of flattery. If a coach or teacher says she/he is the one person who can help your 'gifted' child develop into a super star or spends an unusually large amount of time with your child, be wary. This special attention could be an overture to win your trust and groom your child for seduction.

• Be present at games and practice. Avoid leaving your child at games and practice alone. This leaves your child vulnerable to being targeted as easy prey. Studies show that coaches predisposed to molesting children prey first on the child who is regularly left unattended. By being present, you are giving the message that you are attentive and actively involved in your child's activities. If you are unable to be at the game or practice ask a friend, relative or a team member's parent to be your surrogate. Inform the coach, et al who is standing in for you. This gives everyone the message that you are an attentive parent.

• Listen to and talk with your child. Discuss with your child, what is inappropriate behavior by a coach, teacher, scout leader, et al. It is inappropriate for an adult to be nude in front of the students, even though the adult is same sex. Many students have been desensitized to sexual improprieties by a coach, who showers in the same shower room and becomes 'a pal with the team.' There is no reason for the coach to be nude in the presence of the students or in the shower room while the students are showering and dressing.

• Emphasize the 'Tell Mommy and Daddy Everything' rule. Remind your child if any adult tells you, "Don't tell your parents," or "This is team building--we don't talk about this with others," that it is critical to tell, even though it may seem to be breaking the team rules.

• If your child's interest diminishes or there is a change in his/her behavior, talk with your child about what you have observed and your concerns. Talk with your child until you are satisfied the loss of interest or enthusiasm is related to something other than improper behavior by the teacher, coach, scout leader, et al.

• Stay Informed. Make sure you know where the team will be staying on a road trip. If a coach, scout leader or recreation leader says that the presence of the parent hinders team development, be wary. Make sure you know what arrangements are made for showering after the games or practices and sleeping on out of town trips.

There is no foolproof method of preventing sex offenders from abusing a child. They are cunning predators, who have perfected their skills to get what they want. Therefore, you need to heed and investigate any warning signals or if your child has stated or alluded to any inappropriate behavior. Do not stop until you are satisfied that whatever was troubling your child is resolved.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, "If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

How Much Evidence Do We Need To Prove That Absent Dads Cost Too Much In Many Ways Part 2 Of 5

Writen by David Perdew

Do numbers and statistics speak to you? How about these? A child from a fatherless home is:

* Five times more likely to commit suicide

* Thirty-two times more likely to run away

* Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders

* Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys)

* Nine times more likely to drop out of high school

* Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances

* Nine times more likely to end up in a state-operated or charitable institution

* Twenty times more like to end up in prison for a long period of time

Are you not outraged by those statistics? Do you understand the consequences of these numbers?

FIVE times more likely to commit suicide!

FOURTEEN times more likely to commit rape! RAPE for God's sake!

Next time you go to your kid's school, look around the room. How many of those children are in a home without a father? These are your next generation of murderers, rapists, indigents, mentally unstable and emotionally dangerous adults.

I'm not trying to scare you, but we just can't afford to ignore the consequences of Absentee Fathers any longer.

The solution is so apparent ù teach boys and young men to be nurturing, affectionate and supportive fathers. Then give them tools to make that happen.

Jeez, this seems too easy. . .and, of course, it is. The problem is not the next generation of fathers, but the current crop.

Boys and young men will learn from their own fathers how to be fathers. Often, they are the worst teachers. So, the vicious cycle continues and the problem gets worse unless. . .

We admit that ignorance is the culprit.

Nobody sets out to be an Absentee Dad. But Dads do only what they know how to do. Being male no more makes you qualified to be a father than owning a piano makes you a pianist.

Training, practice, hard work, and support are required.

So many fathers are turning to the Internet to find support. And it's a great resource. Check out sites like Armin Brott's Mr.Dad at http://www.MrDad.com. Or, if you're a stay-at-home dad, look at http://www.Slowlane.com to find friendly support.

Find a coach. Locally, you'll find psychologists and behaviorists who are qualified parenting coaches. Online, check out Mark Brandenburg at http://www.MarkBrandenburg.com. Don't make the mistake of believing that because you've got a kid, you know how to parent him. That's just hubris of the most dangerous kind.

Dad not only nurtures the personality of the child but also the development of the child's self-confidence and self-esteem.

The cause of psychological abnormalities or disorders in children like low self-esteem is mostly a result of the absence of fathers in their lives according to studies. It's up to you to get the training.

We have to take a test to drive on the highways, but none is required to raise our children! Surely, there's more we can do.

****************************************************

David Perdew, author of "Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust," is a father and former Bad Dad. Claim your free Special Report -- Absentee Dads: A Child's Worst Nightmare! at => http://www.Bad-Dad.com/srad.htm

****************************************************

Read personal stories of the search for inner peace in a not-so-peaceful world at => => http://www.WorldWantingPeace.com/ar.htm

Everyone wants Peace. Today's a good day to start.

~~~ Attn Ezine editors / Site owners ~~~
Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine, blog, autoresponder, or on your site so long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.

Feel free to sign up for our affiliate program and substitute your own affiliate link in the resouce box: => http://www.maximizecommunications.com/aff_signup.htm

Babys First Month At A Glance

Writen by Michelle Higgins

Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your baby home and are pretty excited about everything. Perhaps you don't even mind the fact that getting a good night's sleep is getting tougher by the day.

Getting into a routine

This is not easy, but rest assured, it will happen. By the end of the first month, new parents discover that their baby lets them slip into a comfortable (but exhausting) routine. If this is your first baby, you probably feel totally amateurish. Relax, let your baby's cues guide you and very soon you will be a seasoned pro!

Rock-a-bye baby

Your baby will probably sleep 12-18 hours a day between regular feedings. If you are lucky, your baby will sleep for longer stretches at night. Do not let your one-month old baby sleep through the night. At this age, infants need to feed at least every 2-3 hours for healthy development. Regular feeds are also important in stimulating your milk supply, which will get established during the first month.

Baby is growing

By the end of one month, your baby should be able to focus on faces, lift his head briefly when on stomach, and probably startle in response to a loud noise. All babies reach developmental milestones at a genetically set time, which differs with every baby. Do not expect your baby to go by the book. Your baby's weight might decrease in the first few days as he loses fluids postdelivery. Most newborns stop losing weight by the fifth day and surpass their birthweights in about fifteen days.

Cause for concern?

More than fifty percent of babies develop newborn jaundice because their immature livers cannot handle the extra bilirubin (the yellow pigment) they produce. Mild to moderate physiological jaundice requires no treatment. Others might require medical attention in the form of bililight therapy.

Babies born by normal deliveries usually have misshapen heads. Your baby's head will gradually attain a regular shape; you can prevent flattening by giving her a little 'tummy time' everyday.

Colic and continuous crying are things that most parents dread. Hours of dealing with a crying baby coupled with lack of sleep and exhaustion can drive anyone crazy. It is vital to seek help and give both your baby and yourself a break during spells of colic. Time tested methods such as rocking, "the colic carry", swaddling and soothing music can work wonders on a baby who seems to be screaming his lungs out.

Ouch! It hurts

Your baby will receive a Hepatitis B shot in the first month of life. This shot is not known to cause fever. Your baby will probably cry for a few minutes and that will be all.

Allergic to milk?

Milk allergy is the most common form of food allergy in infants. Frequent throwing up, loose watery stools and wheezing might be signs of a milk allergy. If your baby is intolerant to milk, try another formula before switching to soy substitutes.

Explosive bowel movements and frequent passing of gas are common in infants and will disappear once the kinks in his bowel get straightened out.

We are different

All new parents have numerous questions lurking in their minds, especially first time parents. No book or article can explain everything about your baby, who like all babies is different from the rest. Write down the specific questions you have about your baby to ask your healthcare provider.

Enjoy the time you spend with your baby and make the best out of your first month together. The first month is the perfect time to forge a bond with baby, a bond for life.

* About the author *

This article has been provided by ParentingSurvivalGuide.com.

Please visit our web site at http://www.ParentingSurvivalGuide.com to discover more articles.

Copyright 2005 ParentingSurvivalGuide.com, all rights reserved.

This article may be freely republished for noncommercial use as long as the article, including the author information and this reprint policy statement, is republished in its entirety, unedited, and with all links working.