I Cant Sleep Without You

Writen by Marsha Maung

When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household, my entire world was transformed into a warzone and funfare at the same time. He became the focus of my attention throughout the entire day and I live to make sure he is alright. I made sure his food contained just the right amount of nutrients, helped stimulated him with playtime, read to him, slept with him.

You see, offering cuddles and hugs is not the usual reward or privilege we got when me and my siblings were kids. Infact, it was quite unheard of. Sure, we had the usual dosages of "Good girl" and a hug but me and my parents never hugged as much as I hug with my kid. We can even go into a hug-athon when we want to. Hugging, kissing, hugging, kissing, hugging....etc.

Sleeping with my child came naturally to me and my husband. It felt so good to hold his hand or drape a careless arm over his tummy while we slumber. It's so comfortable and proves to be a suitable and close-to-perfect setting for us.

Sure, I was warned about not being able to make him sleep in his own bed later on and stuffs but my need to sleep with my child supercedes those warning. I didn't mind getting kicked in the face once too many times in the night. I didn't mind getting jumped on in the morning.

Now, the problem is not my son. It's me. My son can sleep perfectly fine without me. It's me who can't sleep without him beside me! I know, I am so terrible at this. I need to feel that he is near me in order to even have a short shut-eye.

Now who's dependent on whom?

I tried placing him on our bed, lulling him to sleep and then moving him onto the crib before I sleep. Didn't work cause NOW I CAN'T sleep. I'd make a very calculated guess that my husband feels the same way about the sleeping arrangement although I would say he feels a little less committed to the approach. He sure could sleep when he needed to. But of course, I have been the one who had to consistently put the child to bed and I have gotten accustomed to the feeling of that little body and those tiny fingers intertwined with mine.

A little basics here for sleeping with a baby nearby.

If you don't like it, stop it. Try getting your baby to sleep on his own as soon as you possibly can. If you're unlike me, it's best to make sure you can get as much rest as possible. Sleeping in another room or in another bed is as possible as sleeping WITH baby. Besides, there's been many reports about sleeping with baby in bed, which includes the possibility of snuffling baby or rolling over the slumbering tot while the adults are in deep sleep.

If you're sleeping with baby in the middle (that means between you and your partner), try moving baby to the other side of the bed. That means, to one side. The bed would have to be leaning against a wall or something concrete in order to prevent baby from falling off the bed. This sleeping arrangement could help you and your partner bond better, especially when you need an adult cuddle in the middle of the night, instead of a baby one.

If you like sleeping with your child, then you might have to endure some unwanted advice from others who have already helped their toddlers to sleep alone in their own beds. Every set of parents have different expectations and standards of raising their children and your friend/relative is not any different. Their advices are probably made in good will and they think what they're doing is the absolute right thing. Never squabble with your friends/relatives about issues like this one. The best way is to smile and react as little as possible by saying things like, "He's thriving and we love the arrangement now. Thanks anyway".

I have once heard this saying which goes like this, "Once you give birth to a child, you will henceforth spend the rest of your life seperating yourself from him". That is so so so so true. I couldn't agree more with that. You see, I can't sleep alone (without my child) because I don't want to seperate myself from him. He gives me security and I know he is safe sleeping with me. I am a breath away from saving him in "life threatening" situations. I want to know that he's so close I can breathe his scent. I can't seperate myself from him. I know I will have to someday.

The most important thing for me to do, is to slowly ease myself out of this habit and this need. For one, I am being selfish when I choose an arrangement which fits me best. I need to follow my child's lead if he appears to WANT or is READY to sleep on his own.

Marsha Maung is a freelance graphic designer and writer who is working out of her home in Selangor, Malaysia. She lives in PJ with her husband, Peter and 2 sons, Joshua and Jared. Marsha is the author of "Raising little magicians", "No Products to Sell" and other books. For more information on Marsha, visit http://www.marshamaung.com and to find out mroe about her books, visit http://www.lulu.com/marshamaung.

Whos Looking After Them

Writen by Rachel Goodchild

Who will look after them?

For many parents in today's economic climate, returning to work after having a child is an expected necessity. However you feel about it, it is essential the transition is as smooth as possible. There is nothing worse than spending your weeks at work worried sick about how your child is, and who is looking after them.

For some mothers, you may be the primary provider, and have chosen to return to your career with your partner at home to care for the child. This may feel like the easiest solution. You will (hopefully) feel more confident knowing your child is in the hands of the other parent, who is intimately acquainted with your child, and knows their routines. When I briefly returned to work outside the home after the birth of my first child, this was the method we chose. It did not mean the transition was completely smooth, but I did feel good knowing my child was being cared for by one parent. I totally underestimated the levels of jealousy I felt in his growing bond with my child, which had to be addressed fairly early on in the arrangement.

For many parents however the option of the father house husbanding is not possible. In this case, it is essential good alternative care is found. Whether you are looking for part time or full time care the issues remain the same- your child needs to feel safe, secure and loved.

Choosing good childcare is one of the most important things to organise if you return to work after having your child. Try to wait as long as possible before returning to work, so that you have had time to get to know your new baby. If you are breastfeeding, this will also help this to become well established.

While many parents feel they should return to work as soon as possible, if you are working in a physically demanding job, you need to give yourself a good length of time for your body to adjust to the increased broken nights sleep, the physical toll on your body, and the emotional drain. Even people working in extremely challenging positions are often surprised at how hard parenting can feel compared to their old job!

After the birth of your baby is the best time to work out the best form of childcare for your child. You may have already started this process before you had your child, however your feelings may change once the baby is in your arms

The first question you need to answer is what type of care will you choose? Can you use a family member or close friend? What about a nanny? You may prefer to select a child care facility close to your work so you can see your child during lunch breaks. If you are returning to a shift work situation, most childcare facilities may not be an option

Ask friends and family to give their advice on what has worked for them. Good childcare is often found by word of mouth – and there can be waiting lists for the most popular places. You may need to place your baby on waiting lists as soon as you know you are pregnant.

The key to finding good care is to try and find someone with similar views on parenting. A family friend with small children can often be a good solution- you can help them financially, and they are someone you know and trust. Make sure you lay down important ground rules about hitting, routines, and care with whomever you end up using.

Answering the following questions may help you decide on the best form of care. The solution is different for everyone, depending on personal circumstances.

Think about these concerns:

1. How much work will you be doing? Are you going back full time or part time?

2. Will you be working conventional hours or mainly shifts? If you will be working nights, family or a nanny will be your best options.

3. How much can you afford to spend on childcare?

4. How will you get your child there every morning- is it close to work or home?

5. If you choose homebased care, what happens if the carer gets sick? Will you have to take time off work on these days, or do you have a back up plan?

6. What best suits your child's needs? If they are a baby, will they get one to one care with plenty of cuddles, or will they be left in a cot for much of the day?

7. How do you feel about your plans? What do you want to do? Many mothers find their feeling on childcare.

When looking at childcare, it is good to look at different places before deciding on a permanent place for your child. If the person cares for other children – do they look contented and cared for? Do they provide interesting programmes for the children? From what age can the child be left with the caregiver? Some accept from six weeks and others not until much later.

Ask the caregiver about the type of training they have had. Do they have training in first aid in case of accidents? What do they think is important about looking after children? Look at how the other children relate to the caregivers. If the place has a happy and loving feel to it your child will benefit.

Spend some time settling your child into the place before you go back to work. If you know your baby is happy and settled, your return to work will be much easier- you may be surprised how hard the separation feels for you.

Rachel Goodchild speaks at EArly Learner conferences on the importance of nurturing and caring for our young children. She is in demand for her seminars on perparing children for school and using tradtional tales. You can see her book the Joy of Reading at her website http://www.snapeducational.co.nz

Keeping Children Safe On The Internet

Writen by Anne Clarke

You hear about it on the news, in the papers and in magazines. There are hundreds of crimes that happen every day because of children using the Internet. Predators take advantage of children because they are often trusting and easy to fool. Therefore they become vulnerable and are easy victims for criminals, kidnappers, child molesters and even killers.

· The following are some basic rules for your child to follow in order to promote safety on the Internet:

These rules are very important for children not just to know of, but also to memorize. And keep in mind that it is not just the kids. We could all become victims of violent crimes that begin online.

a) Let children know to always tell a grown-up when they get an uncomfortable feeling while online:

To promote child safety on the Internet, a child should know to be extremely cautious and always tell his or her parent(s) or guardian(s) what makes them uneasy. And at school, of course, children should inform their teachers too.

b) Teach your children that it is extremely dangerous to give personal information to anyone online—absolutely never. Please stress this rule most of all:

Children should not give information such as his or her address, phone number, name, school, photo of him or herself, or his or her favorite hangouts. Even if the person seems nice and will provide all of the same information about him or herself. Your child must know that there will be no "switching of information" between online "friends"

Explain to the child or children that although it may really seem unfair, this is a very important rule. Unfortunately, this rule does take away from children making real connections with honest and trustworthy friends. It is sad but true, what's more—is it is scary.

It could become dangerous for you child to simply even go to the mall if a predator knows that he or she likes to frequent "The Gap" or knows someone who works at the jewelry and accessories boutique, etc.

c) No contact:

Children must know to prevent any harm against them by NEVER, EVER meeting with someone they met first online. Even if the place he or she chooses to meet with this mysterious person is in out in the open—it can still be a very dangerous move.

I have read about many cases where an adult removes (or in more accurate terms—kidnaps) a screaming child from a store, park, shopping mall etc. One rule I have learned regarding such a case is to tell the children to scream out: "you are not my mommy!" or something similar. This will actually have more of an impact on other people and perhaps even catch their attention in enough time to stop the criminal.

If there is a rare case—after carefully monitoring the communications between them, perhaps a meeting could be possible. However, an adult should accompany the child. And perhaps speak with the stranger's parents on the phone before hand—BUT STILL BE THERE! Pessimistic as it may be, bring a cell phone along and be ready to call 911.

d) Ask an adult:

A child should always ask before doing anything especially significant. Downloading, installing software, opening odd emails etc. is dangerous because these things may compromise the privacy of personal information.

Children need to know to always, always, always ask an adult before going online. Even if this means that parents have to restrict or block Internet access while they are not at home.

The same thing should be done in school. For example: the computers may not be accessible when the children want to use them without adult supervision. Thank goodness most schools have someone to observe computer labs shared by many different students for both schoolwork and homework.

e) Most importantly, the child should be aware of the seriousness of these restrictions:

If a child does not take these rules seriously he or she may already be in danger. No matter what other rules your students or children ignore—these rules cannot be among them. Breaking these rules could be fatal!

For child safety on the Internet we must teach and reinforce all of these rules, repetition never hurts. Teachers, do not assume they will learn these lessons at home; parent(s) or guardian(s): never assume these rules will be taught in school (although they should be without question). The basic guidelines for child safety on the Internet that I have just laid out are literally tools for preventing heinous crimes. Recognize that these potential dangers are everywhere on the web.

As technology advances more and more, the rules laid out above become even more important.

Anne Clarke writes numerous articles for websites on gardening, parenting, fashion, and home decor. Her background includes teaching and gardening. For more of her articles about online safety please visit Internet Safety.