Sunday, August 31, 2008

Making My Time Away A Little Easierfor All Of Us

Writen by Jeremy Schneider

You know how some parents look forward to going back to work to get a break from their children and spouses? I'm not one of them. I hate going to work in the morning. Absolutely hate it. I hate leaving my family - especially on Monday after I have spent so much time with them during the weekend. To make matters worse, my twin 19-month old children hate it, too. Sometimes they will cry and scream when I lean down to say goodbye. Other times they cling to me when I give them a hug and refuse to let go - as if I really want to leave in the first place.

My children have developed different ways of dealing with my leaving in the morning. Jordyn, my little girl, has somehow learned on her own to keep her connection to me throughout the day. She will point to pictures of me and yell out, "Da-Dee!" Or, and this just broke my heart, she will pick up my sneakers, take them to my wife and say, "Da-Dee shoes." When she started to do this, my leaving in the morning wasn't as hard on either of us.

But for my little boy, my leaving was much harder on him. When he gets excited, he sometimes actually has to back away from what got him so excited while his whole body shakes with emotion. He is already quite attuned to his emotions; he just doesn't have the tools yet to deal with all of them. To deal with my leaving, he either would cry or scream or remain distant. When I came home at night he would barely acknowledge me, while his sister would scream out "Daddy" and lift up her arms for me to pick her up. I felt hurt and angry - mostly at myself - thinking about how much I was hurting Elijah every morning.

This continued until my wife observed that somehow Jordyn was able to remain connected to me during the day, while Elijah wasn't and that was why he had such a difficult time. The challenge became how to help Elijah feel connected to me during the day.

My first thought was maybe a piece of clothing, like one of my shirts. I also took a lunch hour to look around at different stores to see if there was something I could buy that could better tie us together in his mind. While I was trying to find a long-term solution, I decided to give him the towel I use when I ride my bike in the morning. I asked him to take care of it for me during the day as I gave him a hug and a kiss goodbye.

The second day I gave it to him, he said "Tow-a?" The third day, my wife told me that he had been in our bedroom while I was at work and had found one of my work shirts on the floor. He then laid down and put his head on it and said, "Da-Dee." He got it! He connected to me while I was not there. When she told me about that, I had tears in my eyes.

This morning, a few weeks after we started the "interim" solution of the towel, he was reaching out for it because he couldn't wait to hold it. During the day, he tries to put it on his shoulder and wear it like I do. Now, not only do they not get too upset when I leave, but they even wave "Bye, Bye" to me as I drive my car in front of the house on my way to work. Work, where I have pictures of them all over my wall and have a slideshow of them as my screensaver - trying to keep that connection to them during the day so I don't get too upset.

Jeremy G. Schneider, MFT, currently sees clients and conducts workshops in New York and Long Island. He has written a series of articles on his experiences as a father, published in his monthly column, A Father's Voice. For more information, visit http://www.jgs.net or to contact him directly, email him at jeremy@jgs.net. Feel free to check out his Father blog at http://www.jgs.net/twookapis

Saturday, August 30, 2008

If You Love Meset Me A Limit

Writen by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

It is a psychological fact of life that children are looking for limits, guidelines and boundaries for their behavior. Children any age experiment, test and seek to discover what the world has to offer and how what they do affects themselves and their surroundings. Although children protest loudly when limits are set, without boundaries they feel out of control. Without limits, appropriate impulse control does not develop. If children are unable to find limits, they continue to push, becoming anxious when there seems to be no end to how far they can go. With their immature, inexperienced egos and impulse control as their only defense against the world, they unconsciously want someone to stop them so that they can feel in control and, therefore, secure.

When parents fail to set limits, children (no matter their age) feel unimportant and unloved. Limits and negative consequences for breaching them, on the other hand, reassures children that they are noticed and that someone cares.

Children learn from the consequences of their behavior. Behavior that is followed by positive consequences is maintained or increased; behavior followed by negative consequences decreases or stops. The following techniques, which need to be modified to suit the child's age, will help you manage your child's learning process.

PRAISE and REWARD: When you observe you child doing something appropriate, praise or reward her/him. A reward can be something as simple as a hug and acknowledgement of the appropriate behavior. If you children argue and you observe them playing quietly, sharing and conversing, give each a hug and say quietly in each one's ear, "You and your sister (brother) were having a good time. I am glad you were having fun." Avoid giving food/snack as a reward, as this establishes the habit of eating to reward or comfort oneself rather than as a means of nutrition only.

PAY ATTENTION: Pay attention to appropriate behavior; ignore inappropriate behavior, if the behavior is annoying or non-life threatening. A child who repeatedly throws temper tantrums or uses bad language is probably looking for attention. Ignore the inappropriate behavior even in public. Sometimes, it will take all your strength and courage to ignore them. If in public you might need to take them to a isolated area—restroom or the car until they are finished having the tantrum. Manage this process firmly and quietly, so as not to give your child the message that their tantrum is creating what they want—attention. Children will test your mettle to the nth degree—as the parent you need to be emotionally willing to have un-testable mettle. The moment you become angry—your child has won that battle, if not the war.

BE CONSISTENT: If you want to get a good behavior going, reward it every time. If you want to get rid of a bad behavior, give negative consequences or ignore it every time. If your child repeatedly does something you don't like, start a systematic program to change it. Keep a log of how often the behavior occurs and when, and use techniques consistently to eliminate it.

ONE STEP AT A TIME: When teaching your child a new behavior or task, break it into small steps. Reward each step in the process for closer and closer approximations. When a mistake is made or your child is unable to follow instructions, omit praise—and also omit negative comments. Encourage more effort—"You can do it." "You will find a way, I am confident," until the goal is reached.

Remember how you reacted to your child's first attempts to walk? When she/he fell down, you didn't yell, "Stand up!" "Don't be so clumsy." "You'll never learn that way." When she/he stood up unassisted, you clapped, hugged, kissed and called everyone from near and far to 'see Suzie stand up!' This praise encouraged your child to repeat this 'trick' again and again. What a commotion she/he had created simply by standing up—you hugged, kissed and encouraged her to repeat the process as many times as necessary—for longer and longer periods of time. You continued this praise until your child took her first step, and then the commotion reached a new height. This same technique can be used when teaching children to accomplish everything they need to accomplish.

KNOW WHEN TO SHIFT GEARS: Behavior change is erratic. If you're doing something that isn't working, stop and do something else to encourage or correct your child. Effective positive and negative consequences vary from child to child. When my children were teenagers, taking the car away from my daughter was no big deal. She had friends to rely on for transportation. But the car was my son's status symbol and ego extension. Although he had as many friends with cars as his sister did, he didn't like admitting that he had lost driving privileges.

You need to find the negative consequence most effective for your child. One that never needs to be used, however, is spanking, hitting, slapping or smacking. Corporal punishment doesn't get rid of undesirable behavior; it teaches children to lie or deceive to avoid it. And it also engenders rage that smolders within until the child acts out.

If you use grounding as a negative consequence, you need to stay home to supervise your child. When you set a curfew, you need to be home then, too. Teens of both sexes need a curfew to maintain a feeling of security. I often hear parents say, "I never set a curfew for my son, because I know the girl's parents set curfews and when the girls go in the boys go home. That maybe the case, but the message you are conveying is 'Boys don't need limits.' You can imagine my son's frustration when he began dating a girl his age whose curfew was 30 minutes later than his. I extended his curfew on special occasions and as a reward.

Setting and enforcing limits require sacrifice on the parents' part, but the payoff is far greater than the inconvenience. When children observe their parents commitment to their security and well-being, they feel wanted, loved and important.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD is a Life Coach, author, If I'd Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, and Single Mother of two adult children and grandparent to four Grandchildren. http://www.drdorothy.net

Friday, August 29, 2008

Really Good News About Your Childrens Video Games

Writen by Marc Prensky

Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green and Daphne Bavelier has grabbed national attention for suggesting that playing "action" video and computer games has positive effects – enhancing student's visual selective attention. But that finding is just one small part of a more important message that all parents and educators need to hear: video games are not the enemy, but the best opportunity we have to engage our kids in real learning.

Any observer knows that the attitude of today's children to video and computer games is the very opposite of the attitude that most of them have toward school. The amount of time they spend playing computer and video games – estimated at 10,000 hours by the time they are twenty-one, often in multi-hour bursts – belies the "short attention span" criticism of educators. And while years ago the group attracted to video and computer games was almost entirely adolescent boys, it is now increasingly girls and all children of all ages and social groups. One would be hard-pressed today to find a kid in America who doesn't play computer or video games of one sort or another.

The evidence is quickly mounting that our "Digital Native" children's brains are changing to accommodate these new technologies with which they spend so much time. Not only are they better at spreading their attention over a wide range of events, as Green and Bavelier report, but they are better at parallel processing, taking in information more quickly (at "twitchspeed"), understanding multimedia, and collaborating over networks.

What attracts and "glues" kids to today's video and computer games is neither the violence, or even the surface subject matter, but rather the learning the games provide. Kids, like and all humans, love to learn when it isn't forced on them. Modern computer and video games provide learning opportunities every second, or fraction thereof.

On the surface, kids learn to do things – to fly airplanes, to drive fast cars, to be theme park operators, war fighters, civilization builders and veterinarians. But on deeper levels they learn infinitely more: to take in information from many sources and make decisions quickly; to deduce a game's rules from playing rather than by being told; to create strategies for overcoming obstacles; to understand complex systems through experimentation. And, increasingly, they learn to collaborate with others. Many adults are not aware that games have long ago passed out of the single-player isolation shell imposed by lack of networking, and have gone back to being the social medium they have always been – on a worldwide scale. Massively Multiplayer games such as EverQuest now have hundreds of thousands of people playing simultaneously, collaborating nightly in clans and guilds.

Today's game-playing kid enters the first grade able to do and understand so many complex things – from building, to flying, to reasoning – that the curriculum they are given feel like they are being handed depressants. And it gets worse as the students progress. Their "Digital Immigrant" teachers know so little about the digital world of their charges – from online gaming to exchanging, sharing, meeting, evaluating, coordinating, programming, searching, customizing and socializing, that it is often impossible for them to design learning in the language and speed their students need and relish, despite their best efforts.

An emerging coalition of academics, writers, foundations, game designers, companies like Microsoft and, increasingly, the U.S. Military is working to make parents and educators aware of the enormous potential for learning contained in the gaming medium. While "edutainment," may work for pre-schoolers, it is primitive when it comes to the enormous sophistication of today's games. We need new and better learning games, and these are finally beginning to appear. Microsoft has sponsored a "Games-to-Teach" project at MIT which is building games for learning difficult concepts in physics and environmental science on the X-Box and Pocket PC. Lucas Games has lesson plans to help teachers integrate its games into curricula to teach critical thinking. A UK study by TEEM (Teachers Evaluating Educational Multimedia) has shown that certain games can help youngsters to learn logical thinking and computer literacy. Given the almost perfect overlap between the profiles of gamers and military recruits, the US Military uses over 50 different video and computer games to teach everything from doctrine, to strategy and tactics. "America's Army, Operations," a recruiting game released for free in 2002, now has almost 2 million registered users, with almost a million having completed virtual basic training.

Academic research into the positive effects of games on learning, which not so long ago sat unread on the shelf, is being noticed by national media. Theoretical and practical guides such as "What Video Games Have To Teach Us About Learning And Literacy" by Professor of Education James Paul Gee, and my own "Digital Game-Based Learning," are now on bookshelves. Experts, such as former Stanford CFO William Massey, who created the learning game "Virtual U." are working with game designers to build games that communicate their knowledge and experience. Foundations like Sloan, Markle and others are funding these efforts. The Woodrow Wilson school has begun a project called "Serious Games" to increase the use of gaming in public policy debates, picking up an effort that begin 10 years ago with "Sim Health" from Maxis.

Yet despite all the findings, research, and cries for help from the kids in school, many parents and educators still tend to think of video and computer games as frivolous at best and harmful at worst. The press often encourages this with headlines about "killing games" when in fact two thirds of the games are rated "E (everybody)," and sixteen of the top 20 sellers are rated either "E" or "T (teen)". To counteract this "name prejudice," users and funders of today's "new" educational games often refer to them by "code" names, such as "Desktop Simulators," "Synthetic Environments," or "Immersive Interactive Experiences."

Yet what these new, highly effective learning tools really are a combination of the most compelling and interactive design elements of the best video and computer games with specific curricular content. The tricky part is doing this in ways that capture, rather than lose, the learner's interest and attention. We are now becoming much better at this. The money and will is there to do it, and our students are crying for it.

About The Author

Marc Prensky is an internationally acclaimed speaker, writer, consultant, and designer in the critical areas of education and learning. He is the author of Digital Game-Based Learning (McGraw-Hill, 2001). Marc is founder and CEO of Games2train, a game-based learning company, and founder of The Digital Multiplier, an organization dedicated to eliminating the digital divide in learning worldwide. He is also the creator of the sites and . Marc holds an MBA from Harvard and a Masters in Teaching from Yale. More of his writings can be found at . More of Marc's writings on the positive effects of video games can be found at www.marcprensky.com/writing/default.asp.

marc@games2train.com

Bright Kids With Learning Problems When Iq And Achievement Dont Match Up

Writen by Dave Palmer

Author of the newly released, Parents' Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child.

When some parents think of high-achieving or gifted students, what comes to mind is a child who shines in every aspect of life - one who can be expected to get straight A's in school, have tons of friends, and be a star in sports. The idea is, if you're smart, you're smart, and you should be able to apply your mind and talents to just about anything and do well. Problem is, this idea just isn't true. Yes, some kids and adults do appear to know it all and have it all, but this is really more the exception than the rule.

And when it comes to academic abilities, most children, even those who are very bright or high-achieving, have a definite set of strengths and weaknesses. We all do. Think of your own school experiences. Were there classes or subjects that were easier for you - where you felt most comfortable and in your element? How do you learn best? Are you someone who needs to read something to understand it, or do you retain information better when you hear a lecture, or see a picture or a visual presentation? How about your child - does he or she breeze through certain subjects and struggle with others?

Some variation in abilities, including those involved in doing well at school, is normal - a fact that is consistent with many current views on human intelligence. That is, intelligence should be thought of as a group of distinct abilities, rather than a global or general factor that filters down to everything we do. One child may be great at art and reading, but not so great at math or athletics. Another child may be truly creative in the way he views the world or in the way he approaches problem solving, but have a hard time getting his ideas down on paper. In other words, intelligence is not one "thing" that we can point to, and just because you excel in one area doesn't mean you'll do as well in others.

For most of us, these differences are no big deal. We get through school and life by working a little harder at the things that don't come as easily, or we learn to compensate for our weaknesses by using our strengths. If we have a hard time understanding information that we read, we may use pictures or diagrams to help us learn, or we visualize the material in our minds. If our memories are weak, we might learn to take detailed notes, study more often, or develop other strategies to help us recall information. We learn, often unconsciously, to adapt. For some children, however, the differences between their abilities are so great that it is difficult, if not impossible, for them to succeed in school just by working harder or through compensating. These children have a true learning disability - a persistent and obvious block when it comes to learning certain types of material. For some, the problem may involve reading, for others math. Still others may struggle with written or spoken language. These are otherwise capable children who, even though they have had great teachers, help at home, and plenty of opportunity to learn, still don't seem to "get it."

What Causes Learning Disabilities?

No one can say for sure, but many experts believe that learning disabilities are the result of a neurologically based difference in the way that the brain processes information. These differences may have to do with the number, arrangement, and efficiency of neurons or neural connections in specific locations of the brain associated with the skills needed for reading, math, or whatever task the child is having problems with.

In some cases, there may be an identifiable cause for such brain-based problems, such as a seizure disorder, birth trauma, or head injury. However, in most cases there is no obvious explanation. It may be that the neurological irregularity was caused by some undetected event during pregnancy, child birth, or infancy, when the rapidly developing brain is particularly susceptible to injury through such things as a lack of sufficient oxygen or the presence of toxins. Alternatively, some learning disabilities may simply be the result of a genetically inherited difference in the way the brain processes information - a "trait" the child was born with. I've heard many parents of these children remark, "I was just like that when I was in school."

What to Look For Some signs that your child may have a learning disability are:

• He appears to be trying his best, but is still struggling in one or more subject areas despite having a skilled teacher and support from you at home. • He shows a big difference in performance between subject areas - for instance, consistently doing well in reading and writing, but poorly in math.

• There are obvious signs of problems with cognitive skills like attention, memory, understanding or using language, or following directions, and these problems appear to be getting in the way of school success.

• He reverses letters and numbers much more often than others his age, or has a hard time recognizing words that he has seen repeatedly.

• He forgets what he has learned from one day to the next.

• His teachers are concerned about his lack of progress in comparison to other children of the same age or grade, or feel that he is working below his ability.

What You Can Do

If your child is struggling in school and shows one or more of these signs, it's time to call an individual meeting with the teacher to discuss your concerns. Often, parents and teachers can find solutions together, without having to look any further. A modification of homework assignments, extra tutoring, or a change in ability groups within the classroom are some common solutions.

If you've already tried accommodations suggested by your child's teacher without success, go to the next step and ask for a student study team (SST) meeting (sometimes called a student intervention team (SIT) meeting, a grade level intervention team (GLIT) meeting, a brainstorming meeting, or some similar term). Schools typically hold these meetings when interventions at the classroom level are not working and there is a need to get other opinions about how to best support a child.

The student study team is often made up of the child's general education teacher, other experienced teachers at the school, the principal, and sometimes a special education teacher or school psychologist. The team will listen to your concerns, discuss your child's strengths and weaknesses, and come up with recommendations that can be put into action by the general education teacher. These recommendations might include additional services during or after school, a change in the way your child is grouped for instruction, or enrollment in a structured remedial program designed to help your child catch up on the skills he or she is missing.

The kinds of remedial programs available to general education students vary from district to district, and often from school to school. Some schools have a general education learning specialist or special programs and materials available for students who need extra support. And some allow general education students to receive informal or "school based" support from special education teachers on campus. In these programs, general education students who need extra help are grouped with formally identified special education students for instruction in the areas where the support is needed. The instruction may take place in the general education classroom, or children may be pulled out once or more a week for instruction in a special "resource" room. If your child is still not succeeding despite the best efforts of the teacher and the school team, and you or your child's teacher still believe that a learning disability may be present, consider requesting testing for formal special education services.

By law, schools have a certain number of days after receiving a parent's written request for testing to respond assessment plan, outlining what types of tests will be used. The type of tests chosen will likely be determined by a review of your child's records, observation, teacher comments, and information you provide.

If your child is being tested, be sure to let the school psychologist know what you think the underlying problem might be. For example, if your child is showing signs of a memory problem or a short attention span, speak up now. The psychologist may only test in areas where a deficit is suspected, and your insight will help identify where that problem may lie. Once the assessment plan is signed and received by the school district, the assessment team (which usually includes a school psychologist, a special education teacher, and sometimes other specialists depending on the child's needs) has a limited amount of time - typically about two months - to complete the testing and hold a meeting with the parent to go over the results and determine whether the child qualifies for special education services.

Side Bar Material: "Is my child "dyslexic?" This is a common question heard by teachers and school psychologists. Dyslexia is an often-used term that many parents associate with a reading disorder caused by a visual perceptual problem in which a child reverses letters and words. For many educators, however, the term dyslexia has come to simply mean a learning disability in the area of reading. In the same way, dysgraphia means a learning disability in the area of writing, and dyscalculia means a learning disability in the area of math. Such learning disabilities may be caused by a visual perceptual problem, but they may also be caused by deficits in other areas such as attention or memory skills.

Side Bar Material: Special education law is often complex, and there is some variation in the way states and individual districts run their programs. Special education terminology and acronyms can also vary from district to district. If your child is being tested, you should be given a copy of the current special education laws and parent rights pertaining to your state in language that you can understand. Look this information over carefully and don't be afraid to ask questions. Your most basic right is that you have input into any decision that is made regarding your child's education. You are considered an important member of the school team, not just an observer. The assessment team needs your input in order to do a thorough evaluation and be a better advocate for your child. For a more complete review of special education law and services in your state, go to your State Department of Education web site and follow the links to the area dealing with special education - or do a web search using the search terms "special education law" and the name of your state.

David Palmer, Ph.D., is an educational psychologist and author of the newly released, "Parents' Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All you need to know to make the right decisions for your children."

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Childrens Playhouses Are Back

Writen by Patty Toner

"Play is to early childhood as gas is to a car." Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D. and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D.

Somewhere in our hectic, frenzied lifestyle, parents have come to believe that "more is more." More sports lessons, more flash cards, and earlier academic programs. We worry our children won't be able to compete in the global workplace. We feel guilty about the lack of time we spend with them. And we are faced with the constant media barrage about "how to raise a smarter/better/more capable child." But after decades of research, scientists and child development experts have come to a clear conclusion: play is the best way for children to learn.

According to child psychologists Hirsh-Pasek and Golinkoff in their enlightening new book "Einstein Never Used Flash Cards," (St. Martin's Press, 2003), our parental panic has created four unhealthy myths:

  • Faster is Better. We are so busy trying to balance raising children with our careers and other responsibilities, we are rushing these children through normal childhood activities.

  • Making Every Moment Count. Children are very active learners, developing skills at different rates and in different ways than adults. All structure, all the time prohibits play from becoming the vital learning tool it should be.

  • Parents Are Omnipotent. At best, parents are guides, accompanying their children through a complex maze.

  • Children Are Empty Vessels. Children have an innate curiosity in the world around them. They are hungry to explore, learn, and express themselves. A bored child is merely one who has not learned how to be creative.

Fortunately, Hirsh-Pasek and Golinkoff offer some principles to help parents resist the fear, guilt, and societal pressures:

  • The Best Learning is Learning within Reach. To make learning meaningful and authentic, use daily experiences to stretch children's minds and support their cognitive growth.

  • Emphasizing Process over Product Creates a Love of Learning. In other words, how a child learns is just as important as what a child learns. Make learning fun! Learning in context and through play will better prepare our children for school.

  • It's EQ, Not Just IQ. Emotional intelligence and IQ are both fostered by play. Through make-believe, children learn about the world, its roles, and its rules. They learn to negotiate, deal with their emotions, and adapt to changing environments. Children who play more tend to be happier, and happier children tend to relate to their peers better, and that, in turn, helps them do better in school!

  • Learning in Context is Real Learning – and Play is the Best Teacher. Play is where you get to practice living but without real-life consequences.

So instead of pushing preschoolers into academically oriented programs, emphasize play instead. Our children's problem solving skills, attention span, social development and creativity will reap the benefit. As creative and independent thinkers in the 21st century, our children will possess the necessary skills to grow into successful, productive adults. Playhouses are ideal for children to expand their imagination and creativity.

Lilliput Playhomes designs and manufactures luxury children's playhouses, children's play furniture and luxury doghouses. We have twelve playhouse models including the popular Grand Victorian, Cotton Candy, Princess Cottage, Olde Firehouse, Nickelodeon Theatre and Sassafras Castle. Visit our website and browse through our children's playhouses or request a catalog. http://www.lilliputplayhomes.com/

Get Your Child In The Movies

Writen by Troy Rutter

With the success of such films as "Harry Potter," "Spy Kids" and the "Chronicles of Narnia," more and more youngsters are turning to their parents and asking if they can make movies like the kids they see on the screen. Becoming a child actor or actress is not something to be taken lightly, and there is a lot for the children - and their parents - to learn.

As a parent, your first duty is to make sure your child is happy and well-adjusted. You have probably heard the horror stories of over-zealous stage parents hoarding all of their child's money, or even the stereotypical "child star" terrorizing the set. While some parents and children fail to handle success very well, the parents who are informed and never stop learning about the profession very often do succeed.

If your child is serious about becoming an actor or actress, there are several steps you can take to get them started right their in your home town.

First, sit down with your child and make sure they know that becoming an actor or actress is a commitment that will take months and probably years before they see any real results. There are a lot of actors, but very few "stars" in the entertainment industry.

Once it is clear your child understands their commitment, go ahead and contact the local community theatre to find out what shows are coming up and when the auditions are. Community theatres are great opportunities to get young people started in acting. You should also contact your state film office to find out where the nearest acting workshops are located and schedule a time to audit one or more of the classes.

Your child should build up some theatre credits before trying to get their first professional talent agent. Once you think your child is ready, do your homework and find the agencies near you. Search the Internet for what people say about the agency. When you approach an agency, you will need to send a picture and resume along with a short letter explaining your child is seeking representation. The photo you provide at this point in your child's career does not have to be professional – but it does have to actually look like your child. The agent may or may not contact you to arrange an interview.

Becoming a young performer like your child sees on TV and in movies is a long process filled with pitfalls, scams, and yes even some very satisfying moments. Take the time to read books on child actors and other books in the field so you can be as prepared as you can when presented with the challenges facing parents of young performers.

Troy A. Rutter has been working with young performers for over ten years. His book, Kids in the Biz, provides step-by-step guidance to prospective young performers and their families. For more information about getting children into acting in television and films, visit his web site at http://www.kidsinthebiz.com.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Should I Monitor My Son Or Daughters Online Activity

Writen by Wendy McLellan

This has become an increasingly sensitive question with parents. Some parents believe that they should not infringe on their child's privacy under any circumstance, some parents believe that they can infringe on their child's privacy at any time, and other parents are somewhere in between. Finding the balance of what a parent should do is often times very tricky. In my experience, if you believe that your child is going to harm themselves or another person, or if your child has been harmed by someone, then the answer is very simply, yes.

Let's explore what I mean by a child harming themselves. This means that your child is in POTENTIAL Danger of becoming hurt, harmed or killed. Some of the things that would fall into this category, but not limited to, is: drug use and abuse, thoughts of committing suicide, gang related activity, unprotected sex with multiple partners, running away from home, prostitution, drunk driving, increased depression, poor/lack of attendance at school, having possession of a firearm or weapon, cutting behavior and the list could go on. All of these behaviors should be addressed promptly either with family counseling, individual counseling or group counseling. In the event that your child has made threats to commit suicide, this requires Immediate Treatment. No threat should be considered an idle threat. Girls are more likely to attempt suicide and boys are more likely to complete suicide, due to the ways they attempt suicide. Girls are more likely to attempt to overdose on drugs and boys are more likely to use firearms or hanging.

Let's explore what I mean by a child harming another person. If your child has been making threats that they are going to hurt, bully, fight, terrorize, frighten, stalk or harm someone, then counseling would be advised. Anger management counseling would be most appropriate. Again, if your child threatens they have homicidal thoughts and would like to kill someone or has fantasies of killing someone, then Immediate Treatment is required.

Finally, if your child has been harmed by someone. This would include your child being the victim of bullying, cyber bullying, molestation, rape, mental or physical torture, stalking etc. Counseling for all types of victimization is necessary. The need to rebuild self esteem in victims is important. Identifying feelings, processing past trauma and coping with the past and present are critical factors in this counseling process.

In recent years, all of these events are on the rise. We are seeing more violence, and completed suicides then ever before. Children usually tell others what they are thinking. They may tell a friend over the phone, at school or on the computer. They may write it down in a journal or a diary. Finding these pieces of information are important in being able to prevent further loss and damage.

By Wendy McLellan, MA, LCDPII

Wendy McLellan has an extensive background as a licensed counselor. For more than sixteen years, Wendy's career involved working with adolescents and their families in agencies that specialize in residential and outpatient substance abuse counseling as well as mental health rehabilitation. As a counselor and Program Director of an intensive outpatient program, Wendy has experienced first-hand the devastating effects that abuse, violence, sexual abuse, addiction and predatory behavior have on adolescents and families.

With deep professional and personal concerns to these issues and an opportunity to help protect children, adolescents and families, Wendy has lent her experience, knowledge and time to the efforts of http://www.safecomputerkids.com and their online parental resources and components of their cyber safety toolkit in her own efforts to help parents keep their children safe online.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Psychological Effects Of Child Abuse

Writen by Lisa Dunning

Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child abuse often become child abusers themselves or can become perpetrators of violent crimes. Many inmates in our jails and prisons have been victims of child abuse. Though the psychological effects of child abuse cannot be reversed, through counseling a child can learn more appropriate coping skills in dealing with their pain and anger.

Some psychological effects of child abuse are:

* Withdrawal from friends
* Low self esteem
* Timid and unsure of themselves
* Aggressive/hostile
* Angry
* Poor relationships with peers and/or the opposite sex
* Engaging in drugs and/or alcohol
* Poor school performance
* No interests
* No goals

Minimize the psychological effects of child abuse with therapy

In order to help a child who is suffering from the psychological effects of child abuse therapy is a great place to start. A therapist will assist a child in dealing with the psychological effects of child abuse to hopefully break the cycle of abuse.

Eliminate the psychological effects of child abuse by seeking help

If you, or your partner, are abusing your child seek help immediately. If your partner is the abuser you should consider moving you and your child to a safe and supportive environment. If you and your partner are the abusers, to prevent further damaging psychological effects of child abuse, you might want to consider having your child stay with a family member or close friend while you get the help and support you need.

Psychological Effects Of Child Abuse Resources

* Anger management classes
* Parenting classes
* Therapy and drug / alcohol treatment (if necessary)

Prevent The Psychological Effects Of Child Abuse

If you are a new parent who has suffered the psychological effects of child abuse as a child, you might want to seek out parenting classes. Parenting classes will enable you to learn appropriate tools and techniques to minimize the psychological effects of child abuse when parenting your child. It is also important for you to take care of yourself and know your limits. Work on building a healthy support network that you could rely on when life is overwhelming you. It is up to you to break the cycle of abuse and not allow your child to experience any of the psychological effects of child abuse. You will be thankful that you did.

Lisa Dunning is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Specializing in Parent/Child Relationship issues and author of "Good Parents Bad Parenting: How To Parent Together When Your Parenting Styles Are Worlds Apart".

Lisa Dunning is a columnist for Las Vegas Family Magazine & Los Angeles Family Magazine and provides expert relationship and parenting advice for television and radio programs throughout the country.

To learn more about Lisa Dunning, her parenting book and other services, visit her website at http://www.LisaDunningMFT.com

Monday, August 25, 2008

To Board Or Not To Board

Writen by Lori Olson White

One of the toughest decisions most expat families face is whether or not to take advantage of the boarding school option.

Let's face it, boarding schools are not part of the average American experience the way they are in many European countries. For many folks, even the idea of sending a child to boarding school smacks of pretentiousness if not parental neglect. And that doesn't even get into the family dynamics involved when children and parents are separated during the school years.

But as an expat, there are some pretty powerful reasons to consider the boarding school option.

Lack of appropriate schooling where you are. The fact is, sometimes there isn't a school available that meets the educational goals you and your child have established. Maybe the local school only teaches in a language your child doesn't speak, or maybe if flat out doesn't offer the programs your child is interested in. Maybe the school is too big - or too small - to be a good fit. And maybe it is as simple as you and your child just not being comfortable with what's available.

Consistency. Changing schools every few years can be tough on kids, no matter how old they are or how well they seem to adjust. And the older your child gets, the tougher changing schools becomes. There are friends and social activities to consider, and academic issues like how well the curriculum from one school meshes with the next, and even whether or not previous coursework transfers.

Safety. As much as we'd like to think otherwise, life overseas can get a little dicey sometimes. For many expat families, boarding school offer a level of safety and security that can't be found locally. For teenagers especially, the boarding school environment can be a safe, directed place to explore within set guidelines and regulations.

Medical care. Depending on where an expat family lives, having ready access to physical and mental health care can be a deciding factor in making the decision to board or school locally.

Special talents. Gifted students need to be challenged, and sometimes local schools frankly aren't challenging enough to meet those needs. In step boarding schools. These days there are boarding schools that specialize in just about anything you can imagine - from specific sports to arts, physics and even languages. Providing an environment that challenges and channels passion is a great reason to board.

Special support. On the other side of the coin are kids that maybe struggle academically or socially, and boarding can be a good option for them, as well., providing the extra time and resources necessary for academic and social success.

The decision to send a child to boarding school rather than a local institution is one of the most important - and difficult - decisions most expat families face. Knowing what's important as well as what's available makes the decision that much easier.

Lori Olson White is an author, teacher, parent and expat living and working in Saudi Arabia. Her blog The Kingdom of Expat Wives seeks to inform, educate and support expat women living overseas while Sand Gets in My Eyes offers a more personal look at life in Saudi Arabia.

Your One Yearolds Development

Writen by Adwina D. Jackson

The first birthday is always exciting to celebrate. If you're a new parent, this event always lingers in your mind and you just probably can't wait to invite your families and friends to have fun in the extraordinary occasion.

Day after day, you've seen them growing bigger and smarter. Each time they're able to reach the next developmental stage, you and your spouse are indulged in great happiness.

One of the most cheering moments about this is when you see them make their first steps alone. You'll get into the unspoken emotion just like other parents do.

However, some of you perhaps haven't been going through this feeling as your one year-old baby isn't able to walk yet. Actually, you shouldn't be worried about this. Each child is unique and has a different development from the others.

Then, what things babies can do when they reach their first year of life? Generally, here they are:

1. Take their first steps alone - Once you see them walking, you'll be surprised on how far they can walk without your hand on theirs guiding. Sometimes they tiptoe, and it's exactly a funny and incredible thing you shouldn't miss out. Get a camera to capture the moment!

2. Say 'mama', 'papa', 'dada' - Encourage your babies to talk by always talking, too. Most babies can say the three words mentioned when they're one year-old, even though they probably don't understand the meaning of them yet.

3. Understand simple instructions - It's exciting to see your babies understand what you want them to do. When you say 'bye-bye', they will abruptly move their hands and make the bye-bye gesture. Or, when you tell them to look at you or your spouse, for example 'where's Daddy?', they'll move their head and look into their daddy's eyes. Of course you need to stimulate them over and over to make them recognize which one is which.

4. Point at things they're interested in - Your babies will point at objects they're fond of. They'll also say 'ooh' while pointing, making the 'target' precise.

5. Move their hands and body rhythmically to a music played - Some babies begin to 'dance' between the ages of 7-10 months-old. Whenever they listen to music, especially the one that they love, you'll grin as you see their hands and body flourishing along the tune.

If your babies don't do the things above, again, no need to worry. They'll reach the stage in several weeks or months. Develop the bonds of love between the two of you.

Enjoy the moments you all have together with the kids. Happy first birthday to your babies!

Adwina Jackson is a wife and mother of a young boy. She's also the editor of Inspiring Parenting, an online source of valuable parenting information. Please visit http://www.InspiringParenting.com for helpful and free parenting info. Observe your children's health, growth and development by clicking the website.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Ecoparenting

Writen by Arabella Greatorex

Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the rapidly rising demand for natural, environmentally friendly and ethically sound parenting products and highlights some of the concerns that have fuelled these demands.

Organic Food

There has been much media debate around the promotion of heavily processed foods to children, part of a long standing concern about the quality of food on offer in the UK. While some say the jury is still out on issues such as pesticide residues in fruit and vegetables, it is worth noting that only 30 additives are allowed in organic food, compared to over 300 in non-organic. Specifically, organic food bans the use of tartrazine (linked to hyperactivity in children) and GM ingredients.

The Soil Association reports that sales in organic food grew by 10% last year overall and purchases from farm shops and box schemes by a whopping 16%. This means that over 75% of households bought some organic food during 2004.

Organic baby and toddler foods now account for nearly half of total baby foods in the UK, with its market share growing rapidly, highlighting the level of concern felt by parents, and is a trend that looks set to continue.

Cloth Nappies

Modern cloth nappies bear no resemblance to the old-fashioned terry squares you probably wore as a child. They are cheaper and more hygienic to use than their disposable counterparts and parents are fast cottoning on to this. Ten years ago, only 2% of parents used cloth nappies; that figure has now grown to over 15% and is rising steadily.

Despite this growth in cloth nappy use, Bristol City Council still spends around £500,000 each year dealing with disposable nappies. Conventional disposable nappies can contain up to 200 chemicals and some estimates say they will take over 200 years to decompose.

The alternative is to use cloth nappies, which are now available in a wide range of shapes and sizes and can be just as easy to use as disposables. You can choose from so soft organic terry or a natural eco-look or funky fleece prints or even retro patterns to really make a statement. They can be flat, shaped or stuffed, depending upon your child's personal needs and you will find other "clothies" are more than happy to help you decide which nappy is right for you.

They could help you save money as well; the Women's Environmental Network estimate that savings will be around £500 for the first child and more for subsequent children, even taking into account the cost of home laundering.

Chemical Free Toiletries

Your skin will absorb around 60% of products applied to it and Green People estimates that the average woman will absorb about 2kg of chemicals through toiletries and cosmetics over one year, up to 75,000 different chemicals! We all know how sensitive a baby's skin is and rates of eczema are rising fast with almost a third of babies now suffering from it.

Many people believe that the chemicals in the lotions and potions that we use are to blame. Even some so called "natural" products contain a range of chemicals that are believed to cause or exacerbate skin conditions or be carcinogenic, even if they are originally plant derived. Worryingly, a product needs to contain only 1% natural ingredients to be legally labelled "natural".

Natural, organic and chemical free toiletries are no longer the preserve of the health food shop but are widely available on the high street or from specialist internet companies. The Soil Association estimate that there will be a 20% increase in the number of licensed organic manufacturers this year, reflecting the huge surge in demand, especially amongst families with young children.

Fair trade

When you are buying clothes or toys for your baby, international trade may seem like a remote issue but by choosing carefully, you could make all the difference to someone else's life. Farmers in the developing world are ill-equipped to cope with dramatic changes in commodity prices, which are caused by factors outside the control of the individuals most concerned.

Parents are being offered an increasing range of fairly or ethically traded products, including clothes, shoes, toys, toiletries and nappies. Sales of "Fairtrade" marked goods are now well over £100m per year in the UK alone, up 46% on last year and we eat a third of a million fair trade bananas every DAY!

The growth in organic cotton

Most people assume that as cotton is a natural product, it is produced naturally, unfortunately, this is not the case. Around 150 grams of hazardous chemical pesticides will be used to grow enough cotton to make one t-shirt. The cotton farming industry accounts for about 1/4 of the world's insecticide use as well as huge amounts of fertilisers that can end up in the water system and food chain.

The World Health Organisation estimates that 20,000 people die every year in developing countries as a result of poisoning from pesticides used on non-organic cotton. Worryingly, much of the world's cotton production comes from genetically modified crops: over 2/3rds of China's cotton crop is GM.

Luckily, more and more organic textiles are now available and there has been an 80% increase in the worldwide production of organic cotton in the last 2 years, with sales in the UK alone now worth over £20m from almost zero a couple of years ago. You can now buy organic clothes, bedding, towels, sheepskins and nappies from a range of suppliers – even good old Marks and Spencer sell a range of organic cotton yoga clothes.

Katharine Hamnett, fashion designer, says: "This is part of a rapidly growing trend reflecting increasing consumer awareness and concern over global issues to do with the impact of pesticides, herbicides, dioxins and toxic chemicals used in textiles, on the environment and human heath. The good news is that this shows people are actually looking for positive alternatives."

And for the daddies

The Ecologist Magazine recently studied the contents of a can of shaving gel and found it to contain "several skin irritants, four potential carcinogens, three central nervous system poisons and two reproductive toxins" - and all this before breakfast!

Arabella Greatorex is the owner of http://www.naturalnursery.co.uk, an online store selling organic and fairly traded products for families including organic clothing and nappies, fairly traded toys and natural toiletries.

Children Entitlement And God

Writen by Erika Chopich, Ph.D.

"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman…..God should know that!" Those were my adolescent thoughts every weekend when my parents forced me to church. "I can get more out of my headphones and the Beatles." It was this way as far back as I can remember. Early Sunday school, then later Bible studies, liturgies in another language, all culminating in a weekly teen rebellion against God and my parents. I really hated my parents (especially my Mother) for forcing religion on me. "Besides, I don't think the Smothers Brothers forced their kids, and they are political giants!" I would brood the entire hour's drive to church just to make my parents as miserable as I felt. It never changed in all those years.

I look back thirty-five years to those times now and bless my parents in every prayer I pray for the gift they gave me. I no longer practice their religion, but I live with every pore in my body believing in something greater than myself. My faith is as easy as a breath in, and during times of great challenge, I don't have to search for God or strength. Everything I need is already there and will always be.

I have seen my peers dedicate themselves to never raising a child that way. "I will never force my child into religion the way my parents did," became a mantra. "I will wait until they are old enough and let them choose for themselves." Those choices, along with the "feel good" experiments of the seventies, have been a dismal failure. The result is an ever increasing growth of what I call "entitlement fixated" people. It is so pervasive that, had I the power, I would make it a new personality disorder designation.

When children are raised to never know failure, they can't savior the delicacy of success nor can they appreciate the hunger that second place instills. If they don't learn that we must, at times, do things we abhor for a greater good, they don't learn self-discipline. If we don't instill empathy early on, they don't ever know the complete joy in giving. And if we neglect their spiritual natures, they may never truly trust God.

I see behind me a generation largely of lost souls looking for God under every rock and crystal believing they are so special that all of life's challenges are someone else's fault and someone else's duty to resolve. They are spoiled, arrogant and have no sense of healthy boundaries or respectfulness. How can they when they themselves have replaced God as the center of all worlds? This is the legacy we have given them. We have absolved them of all failures, and endowed them with unlimited special ness and therefore, tragically, they cannot arrive at the simple truth that there is something greater than themselves.

My early spiritual training was a little "rough around the edges". Yet, at least there was something there - something to offer me a foundation on which to build my spiritual life. I was given s sense of divinity and an eye for all things sacred. I am not the center, but rather, a necessary part of a great whole. My participation in goodness and love and acting on what is right furthers my sense of self and God more than all the awards, accolades and accomplishments I could ever accumulate in a lifetime.

Those who are entitlement fixated are trapped in lonely, fearful, winning-is-everything world. Their sense of self is so exaggerated that true intimacy and love are replaced by control and manipulation. I can't even imagine the aloneness of a "self only" existence. Arrogance replaces confidence and expectations replace caring. All sense of community is buried in an extreme need for gratification that can never be satisfied for more than a few fleeting moments. And, this personality can be either flagrantly overt, or seductively, manipulatively, covert. But the goal is always the same: to fulfill the needs of the self, first and always. This differs from narcissism in that all empathic responses and attempts at spiritual connection are based on an outcome, rather than an open heart. A true narcissist is capable of empathy and connection so long as they are not momentarily threatened. A person with entitlement fixation doesn't ever experience the feelings though they will often vehemently deny this.

I feel tremendous compassion for the entitlement-fixated souls on our world. They must be among the loneliest and the most unsure. I have given great thought to the antidote for this affliction and I believe that the answer lies partly in one simple concept: humility.

Humility is a forgotten lesson. We have confused humility with humiliation and have fought hard to protect our young from its pain. Humility is the concept Mother Theresa tried to convey when she said, "I am just God's little pencil." It is an exquisite feeling of surrender and openness all in one glorious, spiritual moment. I am humbled when enveloped in a magenta sunset, or when caught in seizures of belly laughs. I feel humbled by the unswerving loyalty and joyous antics of my dogs. I am humbled by the amount of overwhelming talent in my small town and in the awesome devotion of all the volunteers to service I meet. I live my life in an unassuming, understated kind of way. I am inspired by the vastness and intimate knowledge of all things greater than I, yet I am confident and competent in meeting the challenges of my life.

Children need to know that the knowledge gained in failure can outweigh the feelings of being first. There can be true rejoicing in another's success. Being a part of something greater is better than being noticed. Giving is it's own peace. God is not a concept, but a sense that needs to be nurtured and developed before it can be experienced. It is our humility that allows us to be happy for others and foster their highest good. My parents were clumsy, at times, in their lessons and they didn't dote on me. Instead, they gave me something I can cherish.

Don't neglect your child's spiritual development. Any foundation is better than none. The lessons of self-discipline, humility, community, and God are all worth any resistance you may encounter. This is our job as parents and role models. This legacy is our best.

About The Author

Erika J. Chopich, Ph.D.is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process and the best-selling co-author of "Healing Your Aloneness" and "The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook." Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:erika@innerbonding.com

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Parenting Your Teenager What To Do When Your Teen Feels Left Out

Writen by Jeff Herring

On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age girl crying alone. My first impulse was to go over and check on her. Worried that my approach might be taken the wrong way, I just smiled at her and went in the store to meet my wife. I forgot about it until we came out to the car.

Same girl, still crying.

My wife went to see what was going on. Turns out that the girl was upset because she'd been treated badly by some friends and felt left out. My wife told her she went through that, too, as a kid. Then the girl hit her with the big question:

"Does it get any better?"

Does it? Well, yes and no.

The yes part

When you are young, it seems almost like life and death. As you get to the other side of the current crisis, you are able to gain some perspective, and it feels less urgent and hurts just a little less. As you learn to effectively deal with these situations, it can definitely get better.

But getting left out always hurts. This is because having a sense of belonging is one of our greatest emotional needs. This is especially true when you are young. I've noticed that the teens and the parents both have a part to play in handling these painful situations.

Tips for teens

If you find yourself on the receiving end of being left out, there are some powerful things you can do. The most difficult is to ask what you might be doing that sets you up to get left out.

Another strategy is to realize that most often, being left out says so much more about them than it does about you. Seek other friendships.

Don't waste energy trying to fit into a group that thrives on excluding people. By becoming an includer and seeking out others, you build your own group and get to belong.

The choice to include others may go against what some of your friends want, but it will eventually make you more popular, because you end up with more friends and because you have a stronger character.

Tips for parents

Later that night, the girl's mom called to thank Lauren for talking with her.

Fortunately, the mom understands how important this struggle is to her daughter. Many parents do not.

What may seem like kid stuff to us is the whole world to them. When you consider that a teen's world is often made up of who you know, who you hang out with and who you are seen with, you can begin to understand the importance of this struggle.

This is one way teen-agers begin to learn how to deal with their own emotions, how to interact with others, and how to respond to disappointment. If they are bringing these situations to you, they are honoring you as parents. By treating the situation seriously, you honor them.

If you respond to their pain as if you think it's silly, you damage the relationship and virtually guarantee they will not come to you.

Let them know you understand how much it hurts and how important it is to them. Help them see that it may not be at all about them, but about the other person's poor choices. At the same time, help them identify any patterns of behavior that might be setting them up to get left out. Encourage them to seek out others.

You may be tempted to tell them your own stories of being left out as a kid. That's OK, as long as you listen to them and deal with their problems first.

Taking the situation seriously gives both of you a strong base from which to operate, to heal, and to handle this in a way that makes you both stronger.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Starting School The Right Way Tips And Strategies To Support Your Child

Writen by Christopher Auer

As a parent of a child with special needs, including Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) I start to feel very anxious this time of year. The new school year is approaching and I am filled with questions and doubts, such as "Will my child fall further behind his peers?", "Will his new teacher understand and support his unique needs?"

For me, the worst doubts revolve around the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and my child's anxiety. When it comes to the IEP, I am on heightened state of alert – ready to do battle. I know this isn't healthy to me or my family. I want to be sure that my child is receiving everything he is entitled to. I cannot wait for future services. I cannot wait for him to fail.

To begin the school year off on a more positive track, I suggest some plain old relationship building. The secretary is usually the most influential person on staff. Many principals have been run out of town by a secretary led revolt. Prior to the first day of school, stop by and introduce yourself and your child if you aren't already acquainted. Present the secretary with a small gift such as a decent pen, flowers, cookies, or maybe a picture from your child.

Your next stop is the principal. Again, present some small gift with your child. You might have a quick chat to clarify the supports your child needs in the classroom. Your goal is to assure that the principal knows your child (in a positive light) and also knows that you are an involved parent.

Visit your child's teachers in they are in the building. Present small gifts, and then make sure that they are aware of the content of your child's IEP and have your contact information. If they have a tendency to contact you too much, which often happens, make the circumstances clear that you wish to be called.

To prepare your child, and decrease his or her level of anxiety, I suggest that you have a "focused conversation". This strategy comes from the Institute of Cultural Affairs. The strategy involves asking your child four sets of questions – flowing from the past to the future.

The first set of questions is designed to begin the process of thinking about the topic. These questions should be easy to answer, concrete and objective. A sample question might be "What were some of the things your class did last year?" or even simpler "Who was in your class?"

The next set of questions is focused around reflections and feelings. Sample questions might include, "What was really easy for you last year?" or "What was really difficult?" To probe deeper, you might ask, "What did your teacher or classmates do that made you feel appreciated?" or "What are you most doubtful about in the coming year?"

The third set is actually the type of question we usually first jump to. These are interpretive questions. It's tempting to jump right to these questions because they begin to address the problem. Without first focusing on the feelings, however, the action to the problem or issue may be inappropriate. Interpretive questions in this scenario include, "What kinds of changes would be helpful to you in the classroom?" or "What is the main challenge for you in…(classroom, cafeteria, recess, etc)?"

The last set of questions is designed to reach a decision point. You might ask, "What do we need to tell your teacher?" or "What are the steps we need to take?"

Central to this process is that you are a facilitator. The responsibility for developing an action and carrying out the action rests with your child. This is a wonderful tool for your child to learn to tackle many difficult issues. It can even be used in the context of your whole family.

As the new school year begins, my wish for your children is that they –

grow up with the courage and wisdom to share their natural talents for the betterment of the world, express understanding and respect for humanity and appreciate and extend the work done by previous generations of people.

Christopher R. Auer, MA is the author of Parenting a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder: A Family Guide to Understanding and Supporting Your Sensory Sensitive Child (New Harbinger, 2006) Additional information at http://www.spdresources.com or email spdresources@comcast.net

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Tips To Help Your Picky Eater

Writen by Audrey Okaneko

You're sitting at the dinner table and you put 3 or 4 different foods on your toddler's high chair tray. Not only does your child not eat any of the 3 foods, but your toddler starts throwing the food out of boredom. Sound familiar?

I too had a picky eater. There are many foods and ideas worth trying when you have a picky eater. I also suggest you involve your pediatrician. Your pediatrician can tell you if any type of vitamin or supplement is necessary. Your pediatrician can also tell you if there is a problem more complex than picky eating.

I should tell you that stress will affect your child. If you are stressed at every meal, your child will sense this. Also, if you are stressed at every meal, your child will begin to dislike meal time, and dislike eating.

I found the simplest solution for us when my daughter was quite young was to offer a variety of foods and let her choose the foods she wanted. When she could speak, I could verbally make offers to her and see if any of my choices appealed to her. Again, my goal was to keep both her and I stress free.

Some kids need their mouths stimulated. This can be accomplished through crunchy foods, or through very well seasoned foods, seasonings such as sour or even slightly spicy. We found that my daughter would eat many foods as long as she could dip them. We offered her ketchup, ranch, sweet and sour sauce, BBQ sauce and salsa. These dips were offered as she got a bit older. She would dip literally everything in these sauces. I would make her toast and she'd want a dip. It was hard not to chuckle at her breaking the toast and dipping it in ketchup.

When we were invited to anyone's home, we always packed her meal. I always told our host up front that I would be bringing my daughters meal. If the host was upset, offended or asked me not to do so, we would decline the invitation. Most folks were willing to accommodate us. By packing her meal and not having to hope she'd eat what was served, it caused much less stress on everyone and made the entire day or evening much more enjoyable.

Have you ever had tempura? It's a very light coating on the food, and then you fry the food. Because tempura is crunchy, we found my daughter would eat some foods as long as we coated them and fried them. One of her favorites was tempura hot dogs with tempura sweet potato. We cut both into bit size pieces, coated them and then served them. Yes, we would offer a dip also if she wanted.

As my daughter got older, she would go to the grocery store with me and she began to help prepare meals. She ate a lot of chicken fingers for dinners. Again, they were crunchy. She also ate fish sticks with their crunchy coating. Both foods could be dipped in sauces. Very often we made her one main course and the rest of the family a different main course. As adults we are almost never put in a position where we MUST eat a certain meal, and where we don't have an option to say "no thank you". By allowing our children that same option we do them a greater service than if we argue, fight, bribe, threaten etc. Some picky eaters do outgrow their pickiness. Other kids carry this pickiness into adulthood. I know there are certain foods I still don't eat as an adult.

If you believe there is a true medical problem, see your doctor. If you believe you have a picky eater, I strongly suggest offering choices and options to keep the stress out of meals.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com

Sticks And Stones Are You Unintentionally Driving Your Child Away

Writen by Karen Alonge

So I was sitting in my office surfing the web, uh, I mean, working, when a voice on the street in front of my house attracted my attention. Being the nosy and ever vigilant I-work-from-home-so-I-know-everything-that-happens-around-here sort of busybody, I jumped right to the window to preserve my know-it-all status.

Two boys, from the size of them probably in ninth or tenth grade, were sitting on their bikes in the middle of the street talking to a woman in a red minivan.

At first I thought, oh, how sweet, they are giving her directions! And then her voice rang out strong and clear. She pointed her finger at the taller one. (Ever notice how uncomfortable it is to be pointed at? It's like the finger is a ray gun, and directs all that icky stuff right at you in a powerful stream.)

Anyway, up into my window comes her voice. AND YOU! YOU GET YOURSELF HOME RIGHT THIS MINUTE AND CLEAN UP THAT ROOM!! IT'S A PIGSTY, YOU LAZY A--.

And then she sped away. He shouted out MOM! and tapped on the side window of the van as it left, but she zoomed ahead without looking back.

Sheepishly, with hunched shoulders and downcast eyes, he and his buddy turned their bikes towards home. I felt so keenly his embarrassment at being humiliated in front of his friend. I couldn't hear what else he said, but I did hear him repeat the words that broke my heart, and surprisingly, not with anger in his voice, but with sadness.

Lazy a--

Now, I don't know what kind of day she just had. Maybe her boss called her names. Maybe the baby is sick and she's worried. And as little as a few months ago, I would have been much more compassionate about trying to figure out how much pain must be inside a person to lead them to do something so nasty.

But lately, my take on life's been getting real simple. It doesn't matter what kind of day she had. Nothing can possibly justify the way she just spoke to her child.

We all have bad days. We all experience pain, and at times revert to repeating unconscious behaviors. That's part of being human. But there's more available to us in our human packages. There are things we can do, decisions we can make, standards we can set for our own behavior.

And I propose that one of those standards for parents should be that under no circumstances will we allow ourselves to degrade and belittle our children by calling them names.

I want to leave the legacy of clear and effective communication to the next generation. I want them to inherit a world where people have the skills to communicate their feelings and needs, and make requests, without belittling others. If they can't inherit that world, then I at least hope they can inherit the tools and wisdom to create it.

And I'm so disappointed to be reminded that all over the country, children tonight will be told in no uncertain terms who they are. Lazy, stupid, cruel, insensitive, incapable. The list goes on and on.

Here's my proposal. (yeah, I know, I'm preaching to the choir. But you guys are here in front of me. I hope you take this message and spread it in your own way out into the world.)

Let's take a collective vow not to pass this toxic garbage on to our kids. If you have a bad day, that's a real shame, and I'm sorry. Let it die out with you. Don't dump it on your spouse or your kids or your dog. Clear it out of your body with physical activity, writing, screaming, or venting to a willing listener, not just whoever is unfortunate enough to get in your way.

If you cannot resist the temptation to tell your child who he is, then please, tell him good things! This will require a Herculean effort to pause before speaking and check your intention. Is what you are about to say meant to uplift your child? Good. Go for it. Is it meant to control, manipulate, or purge your anger? Zip your lip.

Go away. Don't say it.

Simple, but not easy. And no single effort will pay off more in your relationship with your child. Or others of significance in your life, for that matter.

Need more convincing? How much longer will that lanky teenage boy tolerate that kind of treatment from his mother? When will he deliver her garbage back to her? Want to bet he's counting the days until he's old enough to move away from her and not look back? And how will he treat her if someday she's dependent upon him for eldercare?

It's said that how you do one thing is how you do everything. So how you talk to your child might be how you are talking to yourself, your coworkers, and your spouse. You all deserve better. Stop. Separate the behavior from the person. State your needs and make a request for a change. Take appropriate action, which is always about you, and never about them.

I can't find that woman out there and tell her what is happening to her relationship with her precious child. Even if I could, there's no guarantee that this information would lead to a change in her behavior or choices. All I can do is tell you about this, and hope that both you and I can use this bird's eye view to strengthen our resolve to be the kind of parents who know and do better than that.

And so, I have.

Copyright Karen Alonge 2005

Karen Alonge is an intuitive life coach and parenting mentor with 20 years of experience helping families with all types of challenges. She offers consultations by phone, email, and IM. Clients often notice dramatic changes in their daily experience after only one session. Please visit http://www.karenalonge.com for more information.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Wondering Minds Want To Know

Writen by Shannon Miller

Being a mother of 5 children, ranging in age from 5 to 15 years, our household could get out of hand really quick. Before I had put my suggestions into play myself, some days were unreal what my children would argue or fight over. I would like to share suggestions that will help keep children's wondering minds from making the household utter disaster like mine once was.

• Try your best to get a routine going in your home. Stick as close as you can to that routine. I know that sometimes things come up like an unexpected guest comes over, but try to stay with the routine. This is the most important one.

• When your children are in school or preschool by the time they arrive home they are usually very tired. I always try to have a healthy snack waiting for them and it gives the child a chance to unwind from the days events.

• Give each child a chance to tell you about their day. Let them explain to you what all they did at school and always ask questions. This also lets the child know that you are interested in what they have to say. It makes the child feel important that mom or dad would ask questions that only he/she can answer.

• Give your child a chance to show you their work or crafts that they had made at school. I have found in my children that The more proud I act over their work they always try harder to do their best. They feel that if they can make mom and dad proud they will try their best each and every time.

• Have a special project for you and your children to do together a few nights a week. Even have them help out in the kitchen with some minor supper duties. Anything that allows them to be involved with you the parent.

I know that all these things seem like a lot but really each one only takes a few minutes. The main thing that I have found is that getting a routine and staying as close to it as I can keeps my children's minds from wondering on fighting and arguing. Sticking with the routine keeps your child's mind on the routine and they know what is suppose to happen next and therefore is focused on the next task. I still have the occasional day that will go astray. That one day is better than having everyday go wrong. I hope these few suggestions will help bring a little more peace into your life.

Shannon Miller is the mom of 5 children. Stop by her sites and share in some of her experiences as a parent. http://www.parentingfroma-z.com and http://www.asthmainfosite.com

Monday, August 18, 2008

Social Skills And Your Behavior Change Program Troubleshooting When The Rewards Arent Working

Writen by Ellen Mossman-Glazer

When parents and teachers say they are about to give up on their behavior modification system, it is often a straightforward matter of fine-tuning the rewards component.

Here are six questions to help you explore and improve your rewards:

1. Are the rewards you are currently using the best choices for your child? Who picked these rewards? Did your child have input? Or did you choose the rewards because you liked them? If you like the idea of the science center but your child would be thrilled with a bowling outing, which is the greater incentive to your child? Of course, introduce your child to the wonders of the science center, but not as a behavior motivator. The object of a reward is to give the child something that he will really want to strive for.

2.Are you keeping the reward a separate and very special event? If the reward for a behavior is a game of pinball, then your child plays pinball only when it has been earned according to your behavior change program and no other time. Just as an A+ is reserved for the best work, pinball games are reserved for the expected actions. If pinball is your incentive, don't water down the reward by saying "You can play pinball if you are bored." Find something else to overcome boredom.

3. Are you rewarding too frequently or too elaborately? When rewards come easy, the fun goes out of them. When rewards come too quick it takes the edge off the anticipation and actually tells your child you don't expect too much. Give big, expensive rewards few and far between. Match the size of a reward to the difficulty of expectations and time it takes to earn them. Smaller rewards on a schedule where they can be earned more frequently, is best.

4. Is your child rewarded too scantily? Don't let your child grind down in order to reach a reward. If the work is too hard for too long, your child may not even bother trying. One of the most heartbreaking scenarios in a classroom is when everyone is competing for the same thing but there is a huge span in the levels of ability. The kids left behind are usually the same kids over and over. When working with groups, vary the skills required to get to the rewards. Some kids just cannot do speed but given time, accuracy is where they shine. Make it fair and achievable for everyone.

5. Are you following through consistently? Kids are experts at knowing how they can dodge your expectations or get you to give up. If you find yourself saying, "It isn't working!" chances are very good that you are uneven in following the specifications of your behavior change program.

6. Does your child understand exactly when and for what the rewards are earned? Go over with your child the specific actions and all the little steps in between that are expected in order to get a reward.

Final Tip: Get your child involved! Your child is your best partner in planning a well designed behavior change program.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

Five Tips For Successful Grandparenting

Writen by Don Schmitz

1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.

All children need and must learn to respect boundaries. Being clear about expectations before an activity begins frees you and the child to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you observe the boundaries are being violated, don't be afraid to remind your grandchildren again. Restate the rules as many times as necessary. Writing the rules and posting them or bringing them along is a good idea. If a rule is violated during the activity, ask the child to repeat or read the rules again.

2. Gift giving is not a requirement of grandparenting.

Establish a practice with your first grandchild and stick with it; what you do for one doesn't necessarily have to be done for all. Financial and family situations change as our children grow. If a family experiences loss of a job or divorce, don't be afraid to make temporary changes. Gifts are gifts especially when they are unexpected. Surprise gifts are the best. Gifts don't have to cost a lot. Research supports the fact that "time together" is the best gift we can give. Travel provides time for the grandparent and grandchildren to discover and appreciate each other's gifts.

3. All rules must be consistent with parents' wishes.

Anything you do with and for your grandchild needs to be discussed first with the parents. After all, parents make the rules and effective grandparents support them.

Don't keep secrets from the parents and don't ask the grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents. Many grandparents believe that some information should not be shared with the parents, but this only undermines the relationships.

4. There is no substitute for planning.

Proper planning ensures that the activity will be discussed with the parents. No matter what the age or sex of your grandchild, planning makes any activity more successful. This is not to say you can't be spontaneous, but it's often better and safer to have a plan.

Discuss with the child what he or she would like to do. Give careful thought to the age appropriateness of the activities before you begin. Giving children choices increases their self-confidence and is great training for the future.

5. Grandchildren and grandparents want to have fun!

There is no substitute for good old-fashioned belly laughs. It's good for you, your grandchild and your relationship. During the activity itself, share with your grandchildren how excited you are about being with them.

Children enjoy getting away from their parents for short periods of time and grandparents enjoy being part of a very important relationship. Parents enjoy their break too.

About The Author

Don Schmitz is a well-known writer and speaker on parenting and grandparenting. He is the author of "The New face of Grandprenting...Why Parents Need Their Own Parents" and founder of Grandkidsandme, which includes: Grandparent Camps and Grandkid Days. Don holds graduate degrees in Education, Administration, Human Development and is father to three sons and grandfather to four granddaughters. Contact Don Schmitz at Don@grandkidsandme.com http://www.grandkidsandme.com

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Character Building With The Kind Discipline Stick

Writen by Jean Tracy

I remember one dad who made his 11-year old son dig his own grave in their backyard. No one remembers what wrong the son had done. Everyone remembers his dad's discipline. One mother beat and cursed her daughter shouting, "I wish you were never born."

Do you ever wonder if your discipline crosses the line? To find out, let's imagine a Discipline Stick. It's shaped like a ruler. It's effective and it doesn't spank hands.

One side of the Discipline Stick measures Kindness. It numbers from one to ten. The numbers from 1-3 represents Not kind. The grave-digging dad and the cursing mom disciplined in the Not Kind zone.

The opposite end of the Discipline Stick at 8, 9, and 10 measures Too Kind. Parents who spoil their kids with kindness create tyrants. Their actions are definitely, Too Kind.

Not Kind and Too Kind can be measured by:

The sound of your voice

The look on your face

The words you say

The emotions you feel

The actions you take

Not Kind: (numbers 1-3)

Speaks in an angry voice

Looks hateful

Feels rage

Says cruel things

Takes harmful actions

Too Kind: (numbers 8-10)

Speaks without authority

Looks beaten

Feels powerless

Says "Yes" when "No" is best

Forgets to be the parent

Just Right: (numbers 4-7)

Just Right sits in the middle of the Discipline Stick. It enshrines the wide middle road between Not Kind and Too Kind. To parent Just Right ask yourself this powerful question,

"How can I be both Kind and Firm?"

The Wrap-Up:

Child Protective Services took care of the grave digging dad.

The cursing mom kept cursing.

Her daughter vowed never to hit or curse at her children. She kept her vow.

If you discipline toward either extreme, you can change.

To parent Just Right before disciplining your kids, ask yourself this powerful question,

"How can I be both Kind and Firm?"

When you do, you'll be building character too.

Jean Tracy, MSS invites you to subscribe to her FREE Parenting Newsletter, Tips and Tools for Character Builders. Learn powerful parenting concepts that you can use right now! Informative articles written by seasoned therapists bring you the tips and tools you must use to raise your awesome kids with solid characters. Download her 80 FREE Bonding Activities when you subscribe at:
http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

You are welcome to reproduce this Parenting Newsletter when you include the above information about the author. Forward it to your friends too.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Childrens Athletics What Went Wrong

Writen by Paul Martin

My wife Alison and I love the Olympics. Especially the Winter Olympics. So naturally, during this year's games in Torino, we cast productivity aside and watched almost every event.

One of the biggest stories of the Games was Bode Miller, the outspoken American skiier. I really did not know much about Miller, but after the fifteenth "Join Bode" Nike commercial, I was finally tempted to go the website and see what he had to say. To my surprise, he was dead-on right about almost everything.

Today, I want to share one thing in particular that Bode was right about: we need to change the way our children think about athletics. To paraphrase, Bode wondered how it could be that we live in such a sports-crazed society, yet child obesity is soaring. If they love sports so much, why don't they participate in them? And for those that do, why do they stop after high school or college?

The answer of course, is that sports in America have completely lost what we like to call "the Olympic spirit." It's not about participating, it's not about having a good time, and it's certainly not about health (judging by the amount of steroids being used by athletes as early as junior high). Sports in 2006 is only about two things: money and fame.

Children get this message at an early age. So if they realize they are not likely to be the next Michael Jordan or Payton Manning, they quit. If they will never have the chance to sign a big contract or even get an hour in the spotlight playing for a smaller school in March Madness, then they wonder why they should go to the trouble. After all, sports are tiring.

So they sit on the couch and watch the elite athletes duking it out on TV while candy bar after potato chip finds its way into their mouths. This is one of the big reasons why we have a health crisis looming for the current generation of children.

So, what should sports be about, if not winning? Well, nobody is against winning, for starters. But winning is not what's truly valuable about sports.

The two most important reasons to play sports are simple. The first is health. Ask any doctor and they will tell you that you need to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Not so you can sign a big contract or catch the eye of the opposite sex, but because exercise gives you energy, strength, resistance from disease, and a longer life. These are all things that parents need to be able to raise their children, and they are things we owe our children to try to give them as well.

The second reason to play sports is community. Friendships are built and strengthened when we play together. The sports your children participate in can be as structured as high school football, or as casual as tossing the frisbee in the back yard with siblings, but either way friendships will grow. The sense of comraderie you get from a shared exertion is tremendous. To this day, many of my best memories are the times I shared with my teammates on our high school track team and the afternoons spent on the tennis and basketball courts with my buddies from college. I guarantee our friendships would not have been as strong if we had bonded by watching the television instead of breathing the fresh air of the outdoors together.

So for your children's sake, teach them that sports are about fun, health, and friendships, not money and fame. And if they enjoy a sport that they aren't very good at, don't make the mistake so many American parents make of discouraging them from participating in it. It sounds cheesy and naive, but the fact is that a child who participates in sports is already a winner, regardless of whether they get the gold medal.

-------------------------------

Copyright, Paul Martin, Noss Galen Baby LLC 2006

Paul Martin and his wife Alison are the owners of Noss Galen Baby LLC, a small online business dedicated to offering innovative, hard-to-find products for babies and toddlers at affordable prices.

To see previous issues of Paul's "Live and Learn" newsletter, please visit http://www.NossGalenBaby.com/newsletter.html.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Children And Learning Disabilities What Parents Need To Know

Writen by Jill L. Ferguson

Learning disability. The two words may bring back memories of fellow students being taken out of your classroom and sent to a special room for a few hours a day or a week. Those words have become a negative label, a stigmatism, for many people. But what is a learning disability and why do some people have them and others don't? And what does it mean if you or your child is diagnosed with a learning disability?

Learning disabilities have been legally described in educational by-laws and under the Americans with Disabilities Act as "a significant gap between a person's intelligence and the skills a person has achieved at each age." The National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) define a learning disability or LD as "a disorder that affects people's ability to either interpret what they see and hear or to link information from different parts of the brain. These limitations can show up in many ways—as specific difficulties with spoken and written language, coordination, self-control, or attention. Such difficulties extend to schoolwork and can impede learning to read or write, or to do math."

The following list is symptoms of a possible learning disability. This list is comprised of warning signs; it is not a checklist. Your child may have a learning disability if he has poor estimation of space, poor coordination, a tendency to lurch forward, a problem understanding what is said, over-sensitivity to noise, difficulty following simple directions, delayed speech and language, sounds and words out of sequence (i.e. aminals and pasghetti), a poor vocabulary, a loss of emotional control, an under- or over-reaction to touch, difficulty using his hands to manipulate buttons, toys, etc., difficulty focusing, problems distinguishing shapes and colors, difficulty remembering what he sees, difficulty remembering the order or sequence of things, disorganized movements, and difficulty keeping up with his things. Other warning signs include double jointed sitting, not enjoying being read to, indiscriminate or over-reactions, laughter one moment and crying the next, difficulty with or avoidance of blocks and puzzles, clumsiness (i.e. knocking over glasses of milk or juice), and untied shoes and shirt hanging out. If your child has more than one of these symptoms, consult your physician and your child's school. Your child may have a problem separate from a learning disability and only a doctor will be able to properly diagnose the cause of the symptoms.

According to the NIMH, no one knows for sure what causes learning disabilities. Some possible causes are genetic factors, parental alcohol, tobacco and other drug use, problems during pregnancy or delivery, toxins in the child's environment, and chemotherapy or radiation exposure at a young age. New scientific evidence seems to show that learning disabilities do not stem from a single area of the brain; the difficulties arise when information from the various levels of the brain needs to come together. Studies from the NIMH have found, "New research indicates that there may be variations in the brain structure called the planum temporale, a language-related area found in both sides of the brain." For example, in a person with dyslexia, the two structures are equal in size. In a person without dyslexia, the left planum temporale is noticeably larger.

LD's can be divided into three broad categories: developmental speech and language disorders, academic skills disorders, and other—anything not covered by the first two. Development speech and language disorders include development articulation disorder, or the trouble controlling the rate of speech; developmental expressive language disorder; and developmental receptive language disorder, where the brain seems to be set to a different frequency and perception is poor. Developmental receptive language disorder often goes hand-in-hand with a developmental language expressive disorder. Academic skills disorders include developmental reading disorders, developmental writing disorders and developmental arithmetic disorders. The other learning disabilities category encompasses motor skills disorders and anything else.

Obviously, the types of learning disabilities are varied and affect people in different ways. The NIMH says, "LD is a broad term that covers a pool of possible causes, symptoms, treatments and outcomes." The most common learning disabilities include attention deficit and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD), dyslexia and hyperlexia. Other, rare forms of learning disabilities include dyscalculia (a math disability caused by an organic condition of the brain in which a person has a difficult time solving math problems and grasping math concepts), dysgraphia (a writing disability where letters are hard to form and hard to write in a defined space which is caused by brain damage) and dyspraxia (the impairment of the ability to perform coordinated movements).

Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity are probably the most well known learning disabilities because of all the press and controversy the diagnoses and its medications have received in the last decade. This disability used to be referred to as "minimal brain dysfunction" and affects three to five percent of school-age children or approximately 800,000 children in the United States. The characteristics that a child with ADD exhibits are inattentiveness, talking excessively, hyperactivity and impulsiveness, or any combination of the three. A child with ADD may daydream excessively, not seem to listen or follow directions, and may hand in careless looking work, according to Dr. Mel Levine, founder of All Kinds of Minds Institute and professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School in Chapel Hill. NIMH literature points out that "a diagnosis of ADD should be made only if the child shows such behaviors substantially more than other children of the same age." People with all levels of intelligence have been diagnosed with ADD. The causes of the attention problems are usually related to an inability to understand with is said or what is going on, an inability to focus or concentrate for long periods of time, and strong feelings or emotions that are affecting concentration.

In order to help a child with ADD, one must first realize how the disability is affecting her academic performance and then make adjustments accordingly. Dr. Levine states, "Simply saying that a student has ADD or ADHD does not help us know the cause of that particular student's attention problems when s/he is reading, writing or doing a math problem." Some suggested behavioral management techniques for children with ADD are an organized and predictable environment, having clearly defined behavioral expectations in advance, and having immediate consequences for actions. The goal in working with or raising a child with an attention disorder is to decrease undesirable behaviors and to increasing positive behaviors through a system of rewarding and ignoring, according to an article in the booklet, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder—Policies/Information Regarding Diagnosis/Interventions and Services, published in 1996 by the Learning Disabilities Association.

Another common LD is dyslexia a term derived from the Greek "dys" meaning "poor" and "lexis" meaning language. Dyslexia is characterized by problems in expressive or receptive oral or written language. According to the web site of the International Dyslexia Association, "Dyslexia is not a disease; it has no cure. Dyslexia describes a different kind of mind, often gifted and productive, that learns differently." People with dyslexia often show special talents in areas that require visual, spatial and motor integration, but they have problems with language processing—the ability to translate thoughts into words and words into thought. The characteristics of dyslexia include a lack of awareness of sounds in words, sound order, rhymes, or sequence of syllables; a difficulty decoding words or with single word identification; a difficulty encoding words or with spelling; poor sequencing of numbers or letters in words; problems with reading comprehension; delayed spoken language; imprecise or incomplete interpretation of language that is heard; confusion about directions in space or time; confusion about right- or left-handedness; similar problems among relatives; difficulty with handwriting; difficulty with math. These characteristics are a result from differences in the structure and function of the brain, i.e. the planum temporale.

According to the NIMH, approximately 15-percent of the population is dyslexic and about 2.4 million U.S. school children have this learning disability. Children with dyslexia need special programs to learn to read, write and spell. The International Dyslexia Association suggests, "Individuals with dyslexia require a structured language program. Direct instruction in the code of written language (the letter-sound system) is critical. The code must be taught bit by bit, in a sequential, cumulative way." Dyslexics also need multi-sensory learning techniques to master language. This learning should encompass seeing, hearing, touching, writing and speaking at the same time.

A third kind of learning disability may seem not at all like a disability at all when its most noticeable symptom appears. Hyperlexia is often characterized or diagnosed by the precocious ability to read words well above the child's age level. This possibly good thing usually accompanies other, not so positive behaviors. Other symptoms of hyperlexia include an intense fascination with letter and/or numbers; significant difficulty in understanding verbal language; abnormal social skills; learning expressive language in a peculiar way; rarely initiating conversation; an intense need to keep routines; auditory, olfactory and/or tactile sensitivity; self-stimulatory behavior; specific, unusual fears; normal development until 18 to 24 months old and then regression; strong auditory and visual memory; difficulty answering who, what, when, where and why questions; difficulty with abstract concepts; selective listening. Hyperlexia has characteristics similar to autism so hearing, neurological, psychiatric and blood chemistry tests as well as genetic evaluations may need to be performed to rule out other kinds of disorders, according to the American Hyperlexia Association.

If your child is diagnosed with hyperlexia, the first thing to do is find a speech and language pathologist who has worked with other hyperlexic children. (The AHA can help you find a pathologist near you.) In addition to the intensive speech therapy, you will need to teach your child appropriate social skills. The AHA recommends doing this by having your child interact with socially-appropriate behaving children on a regular basis.

The aforementioned learning disabilities and any others are frustrating for the children who have them. A child with a learning disability may stop trying to learn, have trouble making friends, may act belligerent or withdrawn, may get into fights, may play with younger children who make them feel more comfortable, may not be able to interpret tone of voice or facial expressions, and may act out inappropriately. As a parent, you may experience denial, guilt, blame, frustration, anger and despair. But there is hope.

The Learning Disabilities Association says "early intervention with a child who is behind in social, cognitive, fine motor, gross motor, and/or language development can make a world of difference." The Association encourages to contact the school district and your primary physician if you see any signs of what could be a learning disability in your child. Many disabilities seem hidden and are hard to spot, so getting professional testing and screening is important.

There is no cure for LD; they are life long. Diana Moore of the Schwab Foundation for Learning says to be knowledge and skeptical of quick fixes. Parents need to do all they can—offer love, support, attention and understanding as their child acquires the skills necessary to adapt to life's challenges. Moore says, "Keep up one's research to know your child's strengths, challenges and learning style and to be able to ask hard questions of any remedial program or provider." Parents need to work with the school system and stay abreast of any school evaluations. (If need be, take your child's clinician with you when you talk to the school. Doing this will ensure you are all following the same plan for your son or daughter's education.) By law, schools have to provide an adequate learning environment for your child's disabilities. For more information on this contact the Pennsylvania Department of Education or your school superintendent's office or school psychologist. As Dr. Levine writes on his organization's web site, "While parent/teacher collaboration can be extremely beneficial, the key to a successful management plan includes helping each student understand his profile of strengths, areas in need of improvement and affinities."

Focusing on your child's strengths can boost her self-esteem. You may need to hire tutors to work with your child after school or on weekends. Be sure when you select a tutor or learning specialist, you look at his or her certification and experience. The learning experience should always involve using all of the senses. According to the NIMH, "By using the senses that are intact and bypassing the disabilities, many children develop needed skills. These strengths offer alternative ways the child can learn."

Helping your child learn will help your child prepare for the future and will help him live to be a productive adult. Encourage your child to develop positive, supportive friendships. Explain to your child that learning disabilities occur in people of all levels of intelligence (even Albert Einstein is said to have had a learning disability). Get counseling for your child so she can establish a more positive attitude and greater self-control. Join a local or national support group so on the trying days you won't feel like you are all alone. Structure tasks and your home environment in ways that will encourage your child to succeed.

If your child is almost of college age, help him choose a college wisely. By law, all publicly-funded colleges and universities must remove the barriers to disabled students learning, by offering isolated testing areas, tape recorded lectures and tape recorded papers. Also, testing services are required to provide oral versions of the college entrance exams if necessitated by the disability. And when your child is ready to enter the job market, the Learning Disabilities Association offers a videotape titled "The Employment Interview and Disclosure: Tips for Job Seekers with Learning Disabilities" for $22.95 plus ten percent for shipping and handling. FOR MORE INFORMATION: · The All Kinds of Minds Institute is a non-profit agency that helps families, educators and clinicians understand why children are struggling in school and provides practical strategies to help them become more successful learners. P.O. Box 3580, Chapel Hill, NC 27515, www.allkindsofminds.org · American Hyperlexia Association is a volunteer-based, awareness organization that produces an award-winning web site and newsletter for parents of children with hyperlexia. 195 W. Spangler, Suite B, Elmhurst, IL 60126, www.hyperlexia.org · Learning Disabilities Association is a national non-profit organization dedicated to a world in which all individuals with learning disabilities thrive and participate fully in society and a world in which the causes of learning disabilities are understood and addressed. The LDA offers videotapes about learning disabilities for sale on their web site. 4156 Library Road, Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1349, www.ldanatl.org · National Institute of Mental Health is the federal agency that supports nationwide research on the brain, mental illnesses and mental health. They have created online books on learning disabilities which can be viewed at or printed from www.nimh.nih.gov · Schwab Foundation for Learning is dedicated to raising awareness about learning differences and providing parents and teachers with the information, resources and support they need to improve the lives of kids with learning differences. SFL is the first and only organization to offer customized information and individual responsiveness from professional resource consultants, librarians and information specialists online or over the phone for anyone who has concerns and questions about learning differences, according to their web site. 1650 South Amphlett Boulevard, Suite 300, San Mateo, CA 94402, www.schwablearning.org

Author, editor, public speaker, professor Jill L. Ferguson has written more than 700 articles, many on topics of interest to parents. Her novel, Sometimes Art Can't Save You, was published in late October 2005 by In Your Face Ink. She chairs the general education department at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music and she is available to speak to schools and to community groups.