Social Skills And Talking To Your Kids Negative Influences In Their Everyday Media

Writen by Ellen Mossman-Glazer

What used to be taboo, 'not for children' is in the media mainstream. Keeping your parental controls on all the violence, sexuality and other inappropriate information being marketed at your child every day is like chopping down a forest while new trees are sprouting behind you. Exasperated parents wonder how to counteract all the negative information their kids are bombarded with from TV, the internet, music and video. Removing it all from view is a tough job and unrealistic. The answer is simple but not always easy. To get your kids on board with you, you first have to get on board their ship. Parents, educators and caregivers have to find subtle ways to be involved and begin conversations about what their kids are interested in and exposed to.

This is especially important when working with your kids and adults with ADHD, Autism and Asperger Syndrome. Here are systematic steps to get your kids to be more open and receptive to discussing what they see and hear:

1. Find ways to be a part of what your kids like watch, play and listen to. This does not mean you become a devotee of their rock or rap groups. Your kids won't like it if you try to be them. You might casually ask to play a round of her video game or join him watching an episode of his TV show.

2. Open up dialog. Initiate conversations about your child's interests. If you watched a TV show together, show your interest with non-judgmental questions. Asking for factual information is safe and gets you up to speed on the characters. "What was she in trouble for?" "Did she ever date him?" As your child, gets the sense that your interest is genuine, you can sprinkle in some opinion questions. "What did you think about how he treated her?" Keep it light and short.

3. Be on the watch for teachable moments. As your child builds trust in your intentions, opportunities will present themselves for you to gently influence. If your child is not in the mood to listen, don't push. Keep showing up as an interested parent.

4. Listen to your child with full attention. Practice being silent longer than you speak. This shows up in both your words and your body language. Be face to face and focused on your child, not multi-tasking. If your child is on a talking streak, seize it as a great listening opportunity.

6. Make comments that show open mindedness. Ignore what turns you off. When your child feels you respect his world, you are opening a door to communication.

7. Ask open-ended questions that help him your child to think it through. "What did you think about the part where…?" Respect her answer and reflect back in a few words what you understand about your child's view. Then share yours in a few words.

8. Keep it simple. Young children need short, clear pieces of information. It does not change as they get older. Teenagers are leary of what comes across as lecturing. A little nugget of simple wisdom is more likely to stick with them.

9. Begin to show your interest when they are young. As they grow, it will be a natural thing for your children to talk about their world.

10. Be patient. Children's work is to sort out their experiences and, with your guidance, create their own set of solid, sensible values.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2005. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.