Parenting Your Teenager Faqs From Parents Of Teenagers

Writen by Jeff Herring

Q: My husband and I are at a loss as to what to do with our two teenagers. They have been great kids and all of a sudden it seems like we are in teenage hell! We keep fighting to see the kids we once knew, and they keep fighting to get their own way. We have been considering family counseling, and really would like to know what goes on in counseling. Can you give us some help with our kids and what to expect in counseling?

Sure can. Here's how it usually goes. I get a call from a worried mom or dad, who are at a loss as to what to do with their teenager(s). We talk for a few minutes and we set an appointment.

A few days later, (in desperate situations, sometimes the same day) Mom and Dad come in with their teenager. After we exchange a few pleasantries, we get down to work. The parent's view is something like this - they see the kid they raised from an infant changing right before their eyes, usually getting more and more out of control.

Their concerns can run through a whole range of problems. From slipping grades, bad attitudes and little or no communication all the way to depression, running away or drugs.

The teens view usually goes something like this - "if mom and dad would just get off my back and trust me, everything would be OK. I'm not a little kid anymore!"

Sound familiar? If it does, don't worry, you are part of a very big club, whose only membership requirement is to have a family with kids.

If we boil all the many concerns of this family down into a few sentences, it would look something like this:

The parent's bottom line is "I want my kid back."

The teen's bottom line is "I want to be more and more in charge of myself."

While those two statements may sound like "irreconcilable differences", they don't necessarily have to be. They are both valid needs.

Let's take a look at each side of this dilemma, and then how to bring them together.

"I Want My Kid Back"

Many parents feel as if overnight, a stranger is living in their house. They want to continue to help their kids, but their kids don't want any help. The heartfelt cry of parents has been expressed by singer-songwriters Harry and Sandy Chapin in their song "Tangled Up Puppet" -

"I have watched you take shape from a jumble of parts,

To find the grace and form of a fine work of art

Hey you, my brand new woman (man),

Newly come into your own

Don't you know that you don't need to grow up all alone?"

How to Get Your Kid Back

Realize that the toddler/child you once knew is gone. You have a budding young adult on your hands. Cherish the memories.

Realize that breaking away from you at some level is their job at this point. At the same time, they usually return once they have gone through this passage. In whatever way possible, maintain the relationship in a way that keeps it intact for when need you. Sometimes you have to catch them off guard. Again, in the words of Harry and Sandy Chapin, "Tonight while we played tag for five minutes in the yard, just for a moment, I caught you off guard."

Remember that it's their job to act like they don't need you. But they desperately do need you. Hang in there with them.

Pick your battles. You don't have to fight to win over each and every issue.

"I Want to Be In Charge of Myself!"

This is not only the heartfelt cry of teenagers, it's their job as well. Parenting is one of those rare jobs where the goal is to work yourself out of a job. Unless you want your child living with you at 30. But that's a whole other column.

How to Be "In Charge of Your Self"

Make sure your behavior matches your words.

Do what you say you are going to do.

From my seminar "The Care and Feeding of Parents": "Here's how to tell when you are growing up - when you can do something even though your parents suggested it."

Pick your battles. Every issue is not a battle for independence. This one is important. If you constantly have to fight to do the opposite of what your parents say no matter what, you are just as controlled as if you obeyed their every command.

Do this things, and you'll get to be more and more in charge of your self. Don't do these things, and you have just sent your parents an engraved invitation to bug you as much as they want.

A final word for both sides: remember that the relationship is always more important than being right!

Visit http://www.TheArticleGuy.com for more leading edge tips and tools for writing articles that bring you prospects, publicity and profits. You can also subscribe to our monthly Article Writing & Marketing Tips Newsletter. You are also invited to visit my Express-Start Article Writing Program for more information on the next article writing tele-seminar.

Diapers Do You Choose Disposable Or Reusable

Writen by Tony Luck

Diapers..

Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of having a baby, but there's no escaping it. And you'd better get used to it - you'll be changing around 5,000 diapers before baby's potty trained!

The first question is whether to use disposable diapers or reusable. In a nutshell, disposables are less trouble, more expensive, and not environmentally friendly.

Your Granny wouldn't recognise a reusable diaper today. Gone are the cotton squares and safety pins, replaced by shaped cotton inside a waterproof outer cover and fastened with velcro. Flushable liners hold solids. Reusables will save you the best part of $1000 and that's after including the cost of washing.

If you want to be kind to the planet but can't face all the washing, another option is to use a laundry service: the cost will be about the same as using disposables.

Diaper Rash

Diaper rash is a term covering various different rashes which will vary in severity from a mild redness to severe raw ulcerated skin.

Most rashes are caused by exposure to soiled diapers. As urine and faeces break down ammonia is released, this is toxic and burns baby's delicate skin. A diaper will also prevent air circulating and retain heat, both of which will aggravate the problem.

If your baby develops a rash, change diapers frequently and keep the area clean and dry. Avoid the use of soap and wipes, wash with warm water and cotton wool balls. Barrier creams are available from your pharmacist.

Perhaps one of the best treatments is fresh air: let baby's skin breathe as often as possible.

****************************************************************
Author: Tony Luck who runs a site offering advice to new moms. Included in the site is the fascinating Chinese Conception Chart which is supposed to tell you whether the baby you are expecting will be a boy or girl!

New Momnew Babynew Debt

Writen by Susan Koiner

Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along with your expanding waistline comes the ever growing list of products for you and your new bundle of joy. Preparing for a new baby can be a costly experience, especially in the areas of clothing and nursery furniture. The good news is that it does not have to be!

Let's talk about buying baby clothes...think RESALE! Every new mom gushes over the adorable clothing available for babies, but they often come with a not so adorable price. Resale clothing costs a fraction of the retail price. Buying resale clothing does not equal buying trash! Moms sell their baby's clothing to resale stores for a variety of reasons. Babies outgrow clothes so quickly (normally before they show any wear) they simply cannot use them anymore. Many precious newborns receive more clothes than they can wear in a season (everyone loves to buy baby clothes for shower gifts–they are just too cute!) that cannot be returned and they end up in resale stores with the tags still on! If you have the time and know what you are looking for, you can find plenty of designer and brand name clothing for a steal!

Buy now...save later! There is more beauty to the changing of the seasons than just the landscape! As the temperatures change, so do the prices of baby clothing! Most stores slash the price of their clothing up to 75% by the end of the season to make room for new clothes. Take advantage of this by buying a size or two larger than your baby's current size for him/her to wear the next year. The savings are amazing!

Another large expense when you are preparing for a new baby is furniture for the nursery. A good place to start when considering which pieces to buy is determining how much room you have to work with? Do you have a large room or do you need multipurpose furniture? A crib is a necessity and a given; however, you can pick and choose other nursery pieces. Combination pieces such as dresser/changing table combos are available at some stores and can save you from buying two pieces. Cribs with attached drawer space that convert to toddler beds are also available and will save you a lot of space. Thinking ahead when buying nursery furniture will save you both time and money in the future. By buying a combination piece of furniture for your nursery, you eliminate having to sell furniture you no longer need, as well as spending time looking for and more money on new "big kid" furniture.

Now that you have decided what to buy, it is time to shop! Once again, think resale! There are many children's resale stores that carry pre-owned nursery furniture for 50% or more off retail. They usually have several styles to choose from in different price ranges. If you find something you like, they will usually hold it for you (if you were not really prepared to take it home) and some stores may even have lay away plans.

Another great place to buy pre-owned furniture is the classified ads in your local newspaper. Seller's usually place ads on Thursday or Friday so they can catch the weekend readers. If you find something you are interested in, call quickly! Good furniture does not last long! Make sure you ask the seller plenty of questions. It is important to know before heading out to look at furniture things like the manufacture name, the age, if they have pets (if you are buying cushioned items and allergies are an issue for your family) and the exact color (if it is not adequately described in the ad). Asking these questions may be uncomfortable, but they can save you a lot of time and gasoline looking at something you know you will not be interested in. When you do look at pre-owned furniture from the newspaper, take someone with you and know what you are looking at. Are the style and the manufacturer of the furniture worth what the seller is asking for it? Is the furniture reasonably priced for it's age and condition? With a little knowledge, buying pre-owned nursery furniture can save you BIG money!

Awaiting the arrival of your new baby is an exhilarating time! Add to the excitement by saving money on quality gently worn (and sometimes new) clothing and pre-owned nursery furniture!

Susan Koiner is a SAHM, and former teacher, of three great kids ages seven, four and three. Her family, like many others, struggles with the challenges of "one income" and from this comes her passion for finding creative ways to save money. Susan is also the owner and creator of the online shopping directory www.momsmegamall.com.

The Love Of God Reminds You Of What

Writen by Carey Kinsolving

"The love of God reminds me of the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control)," says Josh, age 10. "God gives us our fruits so that we may have good attitudes all day long. Once we have given all our fruits, we get really edible. All we have to do is ask God for more fruit."

Josh, I'm afraid that sometimes when friends are looking for peaches, strawberries or mangos from my life, they get lemons.

"God's love is when you come home from school, and your dog jumps up and licks you," says Taylor, 7. No jumping up for Ann's dog: "Love is when my dog jumps 'on' me when I get home," says Ann, 7.

Whether it's jumping up or on, dogs are the clear winners among the animals nominated for best expressing God's love. I'm sure God would be glad if our love and devotion to him where as wholehearted as that of Taylor's and Ann's dogs. Do you ever get excited about God? Does your face ever show it?

"Love is patient," says Caroline, 7. "Love is kind. Love is through the world all the time."

Try around the world, says William, 9: "The love of God reminds me of a circle because it never ends. It also reminds me of a plane because it lifts me when I'm down. God's love reminds me of a warm night by the fire because it warms me."

Molly, 9, has another angle on warming up: "God's love reminds me of a mother making cookies and hot chocolate when you come in from playing in the snow."

Moms show God's love in other ways, says Chris, 8: "God gave my mom the will to help my dad to know God. My mom also brought me to know God."

Is there a greater love gift a mother could give? The gift that keeps on giving is eternal life, a relationship with God through his Son.

Stacy's mom knows how to make her feel special: "The love of God reminds me of my mother because whenever she comes home from work, she kisses me and says, 'I love you so much.'"

Don't forget Dad, says Ross: "The love of God reminds me of my dad because he is hard working downtown."

Downtown or uptown, please remember God at special occasions, says Alina, 9: "The love of God reminds me of a birthday cake. The candles remind me when God lights the way. The icing reminds me of how sweet He is and generous. The bread part reminds me of the Last Dinner because they had bread and wine."

Thanks, Alina. A birthday cake will never look the same.

Justine, 9, looks back to the time before everyone's first birthday for her lesson in God's love: "The love of God reminds me of sweet baby faces that are soft and smooth. The love of God is also parents who care, brothers, sisters and grandparents who love you, and cousins who like to play. There's only one more thing I would like to say. The love of God is Jesus!"

Many people think love is only a feeling, but actually, it's a person. The Bible says, "God is love," and the ultimate expression of love is Jesus on the cross, says Andrew: "The love of God reminds me of the cross because God had died on the cross for our sins. How badly He was hurting when He was hanging on the cross for us."

Point to Ponder: God is love, and a relationship with him will transform you into a love giver.

Scripture to remember: "God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him" (I John 4:16).

Question to consider: Will you allow God to love people through you?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see more articles like this one, visit http://www.KidsTalkAboutGod.org/ColumnArchive.aspx. The Kids Talk About God website contains free, online content for children and families. See Carey's Kid TV Interviews. Print free lessons from the "Kids Color Me Bible" and make your own book. Let an 11-year-old girl take you on a trip around the world in the Mission Explorers Streaming Video. Print Scripture verses illustrated by child artists. Receive a complimentary, weekly e-mail subscription to our Devotional Bible Lessons. Bible quotations in this Bible lesson are from the New King James Version. Copyright 2006 Carey Kinsolving

Nail Biting Basics

Writen by Christopher J. Henry

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.

 

Nail biting typically begins between the ages of five and 10 and is common among children as well as adults. As many as one in three Americans bite their nails.

 

One of the more noteworthy and generally surprising things about nail biting is its high instance. It crosses every social and economic barrier. Prevalence figures for children are much higher than for adults.

 

Results of nail biting can result in short, ragged nails. It may also lead to damaged cuticles as well as bleeding around the edges of the nails. Infections can also develop if nails are not properly attended to.

 

Most relevant studies have found that nail biting tends to peak out around puberty.

 

A study by Malon and Massmer studied the behavior in the Chicago school systems and reported that nail biting is prevalent in about 60 percent of children age eight to eleven.

Most people agree it is a learned habit, perhaps picked up by watching a parent or someone else biting their nails.

Nail biting is an extremely tough habit to break and treatment for it varies.

One possible solution is identifying the reason for nail biting. Avoidance or modification of these situations can be beneficial to the eventual elimination of the habit.

 

Improving self-esteem is also helpful when attempting to break the habit.

Products such as CONTROL-IT are available on the market and are designed to aid nail biters in breaking their habit. According to www.stopbitingnails.com , CONTROL-IT is a gentle and natural alternative to help prevent biting. A mild unpleasant taste helps to remind users to stop biting their nails.

 

A host of research efforts both in America and Europe sought to ascertain if in fact nail biting was linked to mental illness in one form or another. Most people would have anticipated they found a high prevalence of nail biting among the mentally disordered; however, they found that nail biting, in and of itself, is not systematic of any form of mental disorder or maladjustment.

 

Nail biting crosses all national borders, genders, and both social and economic lines and may also originate from a primal need for self-grooming. It affects both the nails and the cuticles; with greater potential harm caused via infection to the cuticle and nail biting tends to be a private affair, and is a relatively isolated form of self-indulgence.

 

Nail biting may be treated addressing symptom rather than cause; it is a habit, not a disease.

Owner:  Christopher Joel Henry; born: December 18, 1958; birthplace: California

Married: Mrs. Trudy Henry

 

Mr. Henry has been an entrepreneur the majority of his adult life, generally in engineering pursuits.  Most recently he has been a business applications software consultant to Fortune 500 companies, in the greater Boston area.

He is an honored member of the International Who's Who of Science and Engineering, as well as a member of the New England Systems Group.

Listening The Forgotten Art In Communications

Writen by Andrew Borodin

Listen. What? I listen - wait a minute the footy is on, tell me later. Have you ever been in a position like this? How rude! Couldn't they wait until the bit about the footy was over? I work all day to support this family and they couldn't give me a few minutes to see the bit about the footy? They just had to tell me, so I missed the footy. Can't I get any peace in my own home?

Kids, they keep on asking questions and nagging you to play with them. Ever feel that you never have any time to yourself? Yes. I have had these problems, where I thought that no one listened to what I wanted. The kids seem to be trying to get their own way all the time and you don't get a look in.

So what does listening have to do with my children not listening to me? What can I do to get my kids to listen? Is it the way I say things? Do we, as a family, have a set routine and rules that we use when we talk to each other? Do we respectfully listen to the other person until they are finished or only answering when you have all of the story rather than going half cocked?

Listening without judging or interfering and understanding what was said can help in getting the message from the person who is talking to you. How often have you listened to a person and then thought, what did they say? Are your listening skills in need of an overhaul? Yes, we all need to make sure that we give ourselves and our loved ones the respect and time that they need.

While your children are growing up, you as a parent need to show and explain how good manners are important. Especially when the child is communicating either with you or others, that turn taking is vital to good listening. Listening with respect and not interrupting will help in understanding what is being said. My mother told me that we have two ears and one mouth, so we need to listen twice as much than we talk.

Show respect and face your child always when they are talking to you. This will show your child that you value them and their opinion. At all times let the child finish what they have to say and never prejudge anything that is said. Clarify anything that you don't understand by asking a question for more information. Be positive. Smile as often as possible. Show that you are listening, by saying yes, uh huh, I see, or I understand, or some other saying that you use.

By establishing the set rules, you will find that the children will respect your special time for watching the footy and you will have some time to yourself. This will improve the home atmosphere and things will be more relaxed. The respect and trust that is built up when active listening is used between the parent and child can last a whole lifetime. The key to relationships is communication and active listening.

Listen actively when your child is communicating, whether the child is crying, yelling or just sulking in a corner, the child is communicating with you. Be alert, be attentive or you might miss a vital communication. All acts and noises made by your child are deliberate and are forms of communication.

Andrew Borodin
http://www.parent-child-help.com

Andrew Borodin is a retired teacher who helps people with their kids. He is passionate in seeing kids growing up to their potential in life. http://www.parent-child-help.com

We All Want To Be The Perfect Parent

Writen by Nick Young

Then of course, baby comes and grows into a toddler and then a teenager and it has all gone wrong. It has been a nightmare from day one. Your relationship has been wrecked because there was never any time for it. You were always full time trying to control those kids and just get through each day alive and still sane.

Who can satisfy the needs of a partner with all that pressure every day. There is no hope of having a fulfilling love life when one gets to bed totally exhausted after a day of chasing wild kids around. And so as our kids get older and more uncontrollable our relationship disintegrates into complete chaos.

No need for all this hassle. You can still be the best parent on the block if you want to be. Mind you it will take a little work but you will find it will be less work than you are doing now and you will be much, much happier and your family will be pulling together again.

Depending how far along you are in your parenting it will be easy to turn it all around. If you read the previous article on baby's first day home you will have found the foundation for happy parenting. Let your baby adjust to your lifestyle and not the other way round. Same goes for toddlers. You have already started the good work and developed that relationship with your kids so just carry it on.

Your youngster is old enough now to understand right from wrong but will always choose wrong. Why is that. It can be explained but is a whole article on it's own.

There is only one rule now that you have to follow. See, it is going to be easy after all. That rule is, 'always do what you say'. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less. Sound to good to be true. Remember, your youngster is very smart and will soon see through you if you are not sincere in any way. How many times do you see in the supermarket a mother telling her youngster to stop that or they will get a smack. They rarely ever get that smack and only the threat and they know it so will take no notice at all. You as a parent have no credibility with your child. How does that make you feel.

So if you follow the rule and if you say it do it you will gain respect from your youngster. It will mean work because you will have to get up and go do what you said you would but you have to do it every time. Your youngster will soon realize that you mean what you say and will respect you for it. When your youngster respects you then you can build your relationship with him based on that respect. You are the parent and he must realize his place in the family. he will push at the boundaries of that family place but if you are strong and maintain that respect he will develop well. Because you see, if your child has no boundary to push against, then he is like a ship with no rudder lost in a mighty ocean. He can never grow to proper maturity without his boundaries set and that respect he has for you as his parent. He deserves the best parent. You can be the best parent. Try it and you will see how things will change. Catch you..Nick

Nick and Charm have the ideal site for you to pick up that special something to enhance your relationship whether it be a nice piece of jewellery or lingerie or swimwear.

http://www.cadenville.com

Raising Kids With Nonviolent Behavior 3 Affirmations That Build Character In Kids

Writen by Jean Tracy

Jaclyn O'Malley published an article about a middle school student in the Reno Gazette-Journal last March. The student deliberately shot one classmate. A second bullet ricocheted off the floor and hit a nearby girl. The 14 year-old shooter did it because his classmates made fun of him.

Having been a child/family counselor, I know the pain parents feel when an enraged child becomes violent. I know how helpless parents can feel, and I know how parents can build character so that their kids choose non-violent behavior.

Using positive affirmations from early childhood can help. Below are 3 positive affirmations that increase non-violent behavior and build character too.

How positive affirmations increase thoughtfulness:

When your child invites a shy kid to play, you can increase your child's thoughtfulness with a positive affirmation like: "I'm pleased when you include kids who aren't playing -

Because it shows how thoughtful you are.
Because you just made (kid's name) feel welcomed.
Because you made sure everyone is having a good time."

Your child is likely to increase non-violent behavior and include even more kids when playing. Your positive affirmation encouraged him. All kids crave encouragement. Your positive affirmation increased his character too.

How positive affirmations increase empathy:

When your child helps a fallen child with a bloody knee, you can increase your child's character with a positive affirmation like:
"I admire you when you help kids who are hurt -

Because you are taking care of others.
Because it shows that you think beyond yourself.
Because it shows you have a heart that cares."

Your child is likely to increase non-violent behavior and continue helping kids. Your positive affirmation appreciated her. All kids crave appreciation. Your positive affirmation increased her character too.

How positive affirmations increase tolerance:

When your child forgives another child for teasing, you can increase your child's character with a positive affirmation like:
"I respect you when you forgive those who hurt you -

Because you didn't take the teasing personally. Because you realize words can't hurt you unless you let them. Because it takes a child with a big heart to forgive."

Your child is likely to increase non-violent behavior and become even more tolerant. Your positive affirmation praised him. All kids crave praise. Your positive affirmation increased his character too.

You can raise a child with non-violent behavior. When you encourage, appreciate, and praise, you respect your child. Your child, in turn, will respect you and others. Why not use positive affirmations everyday and build character too?

Jean Tracy, publishes a Free top-rated Parenting Newsletter, Tips and Tools for Character Builders. Subscribe at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com and receive 80 Free Family Fun Activities to share with your kids.

Dad Go Ahead And Cry

Writen by Mark Brandenburg

She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her face was lit up with joy. And as my daughter took my hand and moved closer to me, I lost control of my emotions.

Tears of joy ran down my face, right in the middle of the church where my daughter was having her first communion. Right in the middle of many of our family members, who had come to support her.

As she sat there in her white dress and veil, she seemed an angel to me. And when I saw the joy in her eyes, I was no match for it. The tears just came.

There's no manual that comes for us in moments like this. They simply grab you and take you where they want. I sat there, wrestling with a number of conflicting thoughts and emotions. Would my daughter or other family members be embarrassed? After all, I'm a man! We're supposed to control our emotions, right? Part of me wanted to have the freedom to cry freely without judgment. But mostly, the feeling that overcame me was one of pure joy and gratitude.

Here I was with a loving, supportive family, seeing my daughter go through an important rite of passage, and seeing her immense excitement and joy. Sharing that moment with her made everything in my life feel worthwhile. It made all the hardships of raising children seem insignificant. I felt as fortunate as anyone on earth. Why was I chosen to receive all these blessings? It was the kind of moment that we don't have enough of, and the kind of moment that fathers don't always embrace as strongly as they could.

This kind of moment is what most of us live for, whether we know it or not. The moment in which our heart takes over. The moment that brings us the closest to pure love, when we see our child as an amazing gift from God.

On this day, the vision of my daughter snuggled next to me was etched in my mind forever.

Later, after the celebration was over, we arrived at home to begin business-as-usual. I thought about the many projects that I'd neglected to start. The garden, the lawn, and the inside of the house all screamed my name. I felt that familiar sense of having too many things to do, and too little time.

And then I remembered the moment with my daughter again, knowing that it could never be taken away from us. I knew then that the decision about which project to start wasn't really important. In fact, it didn't matter that much if I started any of them at all.

What was really important was keeping my heart open, for the next "moment."

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

Parenting Your Teenager Driving And Having A Car Is A Privilege Not A Right

Writen by Jeff Herring

Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because it's his right when he turns 16, and he won't drive what he calls a POS car. Do you think he is trying to manipulate us, and what do you think we should do? And since he won't tell us what a POS car is, do you know?

A. What to do depends on what you want to accomplish.

If you want to teach your son that he can pester and manipulate you into giving him his way, then by all means get him a new car.

I know that's not what you want to teach him though.

What you have is an excellent opportunity to teach some important life lessons.

But first, let's get that POS question out of the way. POS stands for "piece of s---" and is just another one of your son's tools in his manipulation bag.

Rwo Important Life Privileges

There are at least two important principles to teach in this situation.

The first is the vast difference between rights and privileges.

Your son believes that getting a new car is his right as a 16-year-old. It's not. In fact, turning 16 does not even entitle you to a driver's license. It does make you eligible for the privilege of getting a driver's license.

Fostering the belief that privileges are in fact rights leads to a raging sense of entitlement.

Fostering a belief in privileges leads to a rare sense of ownership, appreciation and perhaps even stewardship, which is taking good care of what you have.

The second principle is the sometimes hazy difference between wants and needs.

A need is a "must have" for survival, or to accomplish something important. A want is something you would like to have but can live without.

Your son might need a car to get safely from place A to place B and you may also want to stop chauffeuring him. He may want a new car, but he does not need one. Even if you can afford to give him a new car, I think that would do him more harm than good.

Sit down with your son and tell him that you have discovered what a POS car is and assure him you have no intention of getting him one.

Similarly, you have no intention of getting him a new car either. Briefly - and I mean short and sweet briefly - explain the difference between rights and privileges and wants and needs.

Then tell him that you will be glad to help him find a Point A-to-Point B car.

If he wants anything better, tell him that for each dollar that he saves over the price of a basic Point A-to-Point B car, you will match it.

He will not walk away from this conversation jumping for joy.

He will walk away with the beginning of some very important life lessons, which is really the best 16th birthday present you could get him.

Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his free weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."

Child Safety Does Your Dog Have More Identification Than Your Child

Writen by Scott Irwin

Take a moment and think about it. When you consider the fact that, as adults, we would never consider leaving the house without our id. We spend thousands on home and car alarms, we are even protecting our family pets with microchips; however, our most cherished possessions, our children, leave home without any identification.

Here are some questions:

- Have you taken the time to record your child's fingerprints, gather a hair sample for DNA purposes, record all his/her specific identification, including specific identifying features and a photograph of your child in a Child ID kit? If so, is it up to date?

- In the event of a motor vehicle accident, in which you have been rendered unconscious, do the emergency medical professionals have a quick way of accessing your child's specific medical history, including your child's blood type, medical provider, allergies, any medications they may be taking at the time, or, even your family's doctor's name and phone number?

- If you were on vacation with your children and they became lost or separated from you, or worse, arrived at a hospital, unconscious, as a John Doe, how or who would notify you and how would they know to do so?

- Do you or your husband, for that matter; carry your child's specific identification,

this should include an up to date picture?

- Do you, as responsible parents, take the time to talk with your children about child safety?

- If you became separated from your child in a crowd, would someone be able to contact you directly, or even know who your child was?

If your answer was no or I don't know, don't worry, you are not alone. The sad fact of the matter is that children do not carry identification; if they did they would likely loose it!

Given today's world, it's becoming a necessity for children to carry identification. This fact was clearly illustrated through recent tragic natural disasters such as the tsunami, hurricane Katrina and the earthquake in Pakistan. With each of these disasters, we've witnessed far too many unidentified children.

When thinking of child identification, often, fingerprints and hair samples are the first things that enter our mind. There are far too many companies that profess to provide your child with identification. Let me inform you that 99.9% of those companies are passive in nature.

Fingerprints, DNA information, pictures and even dental records will and are only ever used after the fact. Passive information. Think of it as locking the barn after the horse gets away. It's unfortunate that as parents, we feel that we have done all possible to protect our children by having recorded this information. This is the first step, and a very important step in the safety of your child; however, as a parent, the only time you ever want to look at your child's identification kit is and should be when you update it. This is a very important step towards safeguarding against the unthinkable. Few people are aware that children's fingerprints are actually changing for the first 4-5 years of their life; therefore, it is imperative that this information be updated at least once a year, and every 6 months for the first three years of a child's life.

When looking for a child identification provider, keep in mind the old adage " An once of prevention far outweighs a pound of cure". If all the company provides you with are a fingerprint kit, keep looking! One such proactive provider of child safety and identification is Child ID Labels inc.

The purpose of this article is not to alarm you but to inform you, as we are all aware, information is a powerful tool. If, in reading this, you took a moment to think about your child's safety, please email this article to as many people as you know and encourage them to do the same. Your children are, after all, your most valuable possessions as well as our future.

Scott Irwin is the Marketing Director for Child I.D. Labels inc. Founded in 1995, Child ID Labels has been protecting North American children for more than 10 years. For more information on their unique proactive approach to child identification and how you can help keep your children safe visit http://www.childidatlantic.com Child ID Labels inc. is growing and open to distributorship enquiries. Email us at info@childidatlantic.com.

Parenting Predicaments

Writen by David E. Smith

Predicament:

My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother is 2 1/2. From the time his brother was born, until now, he has been loving, giving, and caring. Like all siblings sharing has not always come as easy. In the last few weeks he has made comments that I pay more attention to his brother. I have evaluated it and even though my husband and I think he is wrong...I have tried to spend more one on one time with him. He has become very quiet, withdrawn, and when ever we ask what is wrong he has a sad look and just shrugs and says nothing. The other day I heard him playing and he was dialoging that a toy needed to be sad to get attention and that that toy had just had a baby brother. He treats his brother as well as ever and he truly loves him and I just find it hard to believe that after 2 1/2 years that he is really insecure about his brothers attention getting. Is this just a way to manipulate me into paying more attention, a phase, a way of growing emotionally or what????Help please. I have prayed about it and hopefully you are the answer God has given me.

Lisa

Response

Sounds like lots of good old fashion sibling stuff going on. Nothing you mentioned is out of the norm. I found myself focusing in more on you than on what your son is going through. This is what I heard:

1. You gave your son the benefit of the doubt and discussed whether you give your other son more attention.

2. You have been willing to spend more one on one time with your older son in response to what he is presenting you with.

3. You are attentive to aspects of his play.

All good signs of an intuned, related, reflective and responsive parent. This is what your children need more than anything to grow into emotionally healthy adults.

Not to say that this is a non-issue. Help your son continue to put his feelings into words and use play as a forum for processing his experience of the world. Give him reassurance that you have enough love for both of them. Explain to him that young children sometimes need more help from grown-ups as they cannot do some of the things that "big boys" can do.

Lastly, when there is such an age difference between children, sometimes such feelings can emerge if one child begins school while the younger child get to "reap the rewards" of being home with Mommy. This then becomes one of the issues to include in your chats with your son.

Best wishes and many peaceful blessings!!!

Response by David E. Smith, CSW- Resident therapist

About The Author

"Parenting Predicaments" is a forum on the Alternative Parenting web-site where parents can submit their concerns on their child's behavior and development. Visit the site that is dedicated to living naturally at http://www.AlternativeParenting.com.

AlternativeParenting.com

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Selfimage Through Fitness

Writen by Lynn Bode

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not easy and can cause any parent a lot of stress. There's so much to worry about – dating, drugs, alcohol, sex, school grades, just to name a few. But one crucial element often gets overlooked until it manifests itself in extreme ways (like through an eating disorder). I'm talking about self-image. It's extremely important that parents ensure that their children have a positive self-image, especially in relation to their body.

The key to ensuring strong self-esteem and a positive body image starts with the parent. If you don't feel positive about your self-image, then how can you expect your children to? While this is important for both genders, it is especially critical for raising a healthy daughter. And beginning the lessons when a girl is young is imperative, so don't wait until it's too late – teaching your daughter to feel good about her body needs to start at a very young age.

Eating disorder experts say girls are developing eating disorders as young as 5 and 6 years old. And a recent study indicated that 70% of the sixth-grade girls they surveyed said they began worrying about their weight between ages 9 and 11. Why are so many young girls thinking that they are fat? Many are obsessing about their weight because they have parents who are preoccupied with their own poor body images.

While the statistics are disheartening, the good news is that there's a lot that can be done to help our children have positive self-images. And, even small changes that parents make can help. Here are few tips to help your children avoid warped and negative body images:

• Establish a "no diet talk" rule. When your children are nearby, DON'T talk about dieting or how fat you feel! This is extremely important. Remember, kids are listening all the time (even when you think that they aren't – especially then). So, even though asking your spouse or friend "do I look fat in this?" may seem innocent, it can have a life-altering effect on your kids when they repeatedly hear it.

• Parents aren't the only adults that influence their children. Set the "no diet talk" rule mentioned above for all adults that are around your children. This means you shouldn't allow your friends, parents, siblings, neighbors, or anyone else to talk about being fat or being on a diet when they are around your children.

• Set a good example. If your children never see you engage in fitness or if they hear you complain about working out, then they are going to have a negative image of exercise. Let them know that you workout to stay healthy, to be strong and to have more energy and stamina (so you can keep up with them)!

• Get your kids involved in sports. Experts say that playing sports really helps build confidence and improves self-esteem (especially for girls).

• Teach your children to include physical activity as part of their daily routine. But don't force them to exercise. Make sure that the physical activity is seen as something fun to do rather than teaching them to think of exercise as a necessary evil. Good activities include taking a nightly family walk, turning off the t.v. and instead turning music on that you all can dance to, or taking a weekend family bike ride.

• Try to prepare (or if you are short are time purchase) healthy meals. And teach them the importance of good nutrition. Don't let them have the misconception that there are "good" and "bad" foods. If a kid thinks that candy is a "bad" food, then naturally they will just want it more. Just try to encourage your kids to eat a balanced diet each day and to eat sugary and/or fatty foods in moderation.

Remember that something as small as talking about losing weight in front of your kids can have very detrimental effects on their self-image as they age. Damaging behavior learned from a parent at a young age can take years for a child to overcome. So, the sooner you start incorporating the tips above into your life, the better for you child. But don't forget that it has to start with you – make sure that you are incorporating healthy fitness and eating rituals into your daily routine and that you have a positive body image (no matter what your size or shape is)!

About The Author

Lynn Bode is dedicated to helping people get fit. Through her website company, www.WorkoutsForYou.com, she offers affordable online exercise programs to help you lose weight, tone-up, build muscles, increase stamina and more. Custom programs for all fitness levels. Vist the site for a Free sample workout.

info@workoutsforyou.com

Bedtime And Kids Is The Best Discipline Spanking

Writen by Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

"Kelly, I've got five words for you: bedtime, kids, discipline, spanking and HELP! Our two sons are next to impossible to get to bed at night, and in the last while we've started spanking them. We've always threatened to, but really didn't have to follow through. But when it started taking over 90 minutes to get them to bed, enough was enough! Now they are trying to hit us back, run around and it's exhausting. I don't know if you can help, but I would like to know what you might suggest.—Frustrated Mom (and Dad)"

Positive Parenting Tip for Bedtime and Kids

Dear Frustrated Mom:

Sounds like your family is burning the midnight oil and the fuel that is firing up this conflict is your sons' goal of power. The only question is, who will win? My goal is to have you all win. Resolving bedtime struggles is a common question. In my book When You're about To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You, I explain that bedtime is an epidemic problem that plagues most households. If it's not one more story, it's "ten more minutes" of their favorite TV show or dawdling in the bathroom. Children will also manage to get their babysitters to let them stay up long past their bedtime. To avoid being conned or manipulated again, try my approach:

1. Tell Them What You Are Going To Do. Say something like, "Part of what I love to do with you is read stories at bedtime, but sometimes I feel frustrated when bedtime takes a lot longer than it needs to be. So from now on I will be at your bedside promptly at ____p.m. to tuck you in. If you are not there at that time all ready to be tucked in, I will start getting ready for bed myself. If you would like a hug, you can come and find me for a quick one, but I will not return to your room."

2. Follow Through. As you stated, be in their room on time. If you feel it's necessary, give them one five-minute warning. If they aren't ready at the specified time, leave—and be prepared to keep your mouth shut at all costs (regardless of tears, angry words, or pleads to be tucked in). Go into the bathroom, lock the door and get ready yourself. Give them one hug if they ask, then continue with your tasks. If they try to get you involved, simply say, "I'll be happy to speak with you in the morning. Sweet dreams." And that is all.

Lastly, know that your children will test you. Chances are they will test you hard! This gives you the opportunity to be consistent in your new approach to discipline, kids, spanking and bedtime. As soon as they realize that you are consistent in your new way to put them to bed, then they will have no choice but to change their own behavior.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here. You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com. All rights reserved

Teaching Children Responsibility

Writen by Judy H. Wright

What does it mean to teach your children responsibility? Every parent has a different answer and a different expectation of when and how their child will assume personal responsibility. One thing is for sure and that is that responsibility must be taught. It is not a natural skill, but it can be learned at any age. You do not become responsible when you are mature, but rather you become mature when you are responsible.

Four variables in this exciting venture;

1. Your child (learning style, age, motor skills, interest, hot buttons or incentives)

2. Your expectations (perfection or ever-learning, do you punish for the truth?)

3. Your example (use the 4 r's, recognize, remorse, restitution and resolve to correct mistakes)

4. Consistency and follow-through (natural and logical consequences)

Outward responsibility deals with everyday things (life skills) chores, brushing teeth, returning videos on time. These are habits that make us productive and reliable.

Inward responsibility deals with attitudes, beliefs and values. This is where we look at the heart. It means admitting mistakes, being unselfish, caring for other people's health, property and feelings.

2-step process:

1. Teach them the skill until it becomes a habit and then eventually it will become automatic action. Automatic action is action without conscious thought or planning. This is the difference between pre-decisions and situational ethics. For example, clearing your plate from the table, brushing your teeth, putting your bike away. You don't have to decide what to do every time.

2. Praise the attitude, performance and effort. Use natural and logical consequences to reinforce the lesson. "Thanks for picking up your toys without being asked. It makes it easier for the whole family to maneuver when we don't have to step over toys on the floor."

You cannot expect a 35-year-old job from a 10-year old. You also cannot expect a 10- year-old job from a 10-year old who isn't clear what is expected of him. We will have to occasionally jump in and help them do an unpleasant task, but not do it for them.

Voice and Choice: The more the child has the opportunity of "owning" the decision or problem, the more he/she will learn. The purpose of allowing natural consequences to occur and of designing logical consequences is to encourage children to make responsible choices, not punish them. This method permits a child to choose and then to be accountable for the decision whether it comes out well or not. Most children, when permitted to make poor choices, learn from the consequences. The most effective method of teaching is for you to remain matter–of-fact and non-punishing. This means separating the deed from the doer. If you were trying to teach your child a new skill, such as piano or tennis, you would probably be patient. You would expect and accept some mistakes.

Just regard teaching responsibility the same way. Regard slipups or wrong choices as a learning experience rather than a personal affront on your ability as a parent or teacher and everyone will be happier, more cooperative and responsible.

© 2004 Judy H. Wright, Personal Historian, Parent Educator and Author - www.artichokepress.com

This handout has been prepared by Judy H. Wright, Missoula, MT parent educator and author. You may have permission to make copies for other parents and teachers but the entire article, including the signature line, must be included. A complete list of parenting books, aids, workshops and a FREE ezine is available at www.ArtichokePress.com. To contact us, please write judywright@artichokepress.com or call 406-549-9813.

Parenting Your Teenager 6 Tips For Dealing With Bad Report Cards

Writen by Jeff Herring

One of the basic issues we need to understand is that parents and teens view school very differently. This is important because often we believe that our kids look at school the same way we do.

In many cases, nothing could be further from the truth.

For parents, we work and want to do well in our jobs. So we think because our kids don't work full time or at all, then school is their full-time job, and they should want to excel.

For teens, as well as many younger kids, school is their social world interrupted by six to seven classes a day.

This different view is the cause for many dinner-table squabbles.

Every now and then, as parents describe the problems with grades, they will say, "We got a D in that class."

I've thought of many responses to that statement, most of which I don't share. What I do say is, "Excuse me, who is this we? Do you go to class or does your child?"

The point is that at some time - the earlier the better - school must become more important to your child than it is to you.

Having laid out these two basic principles, let's look at some solutions for handling a less than exciting report card.

1) You'll want to meet with the teacher of a class in which your child has done poorly. You should ask the teacher: What he thinks might be in the way of your child doing well in this subject; does she think your child has the tools to do well in this class; how are other kids of equal ability doing in this class; what does he recommend your child (notice, not we) do to improve in this class?

2) Learn how to read a report card. There is much more information there than just grades. There's also conduct and attendance to check out. Look for patterns. If your kid got a good grade and great conduct in one class and poor grades and bad conduct in another, take a look at what the differences are between those two classes. Obviously, the child has the ability in one class. What's in the way in the other?

3) Often kids will blame the teacher. "She doesn't like me!" This is an opportunity to teach real-world living in which not all people, bosses included, are going to like you. At the same time, you still need to know how to do well in a situation, even when there are people who don't like you.

4) Here's a little trick of the trade: Determine which class comes right before your child's lunch period. If grades, attendance and conduct are significantly different after lunch than before, the next question is what's happening at lunch that is getting in the way?

5) Make two copies of your child's report card _ one for you and one for your child. Draw a horizontal line to the right of each letter grade. Next to the end of that line, write the next letter grade up. For example, if the grade is an F, write a D. If it's a D, write a C, and so on. These one-step-up grades are the goals for the next grading period.

This may sound like settling for less, but it really is not. It gives your child a manageable goal to reach. Over a couple of grading periods, this strategy can move low grades to high grades. If they go higher than the goal, then that's a good thing. If they go lower than the goal, it's time for some consequences.

6) It's been my experience that grounding a kid for the entire grading period is in most cases counterproductive. For adults, nine weeks is not that long. For kids, however, it's forever, and you get rapidly diminishing returns.

Instead, start with strong consequences, and then as effort, behavior and grades improve, let the rope out a little at a time, just enough for them to grow themselves.

It's also useful to link grades to something that is important to them. As one father said to me last year, "In our family, Ds don't drive."

For more leading edge tips and tools for back to school success, you are invited to visit parenting coach Jeff Herring's BacktoSchoolSuccess.com

Balanced Mom Avoid The Naysayers

Writen by Bria Simpson

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

If anyone had told me two years ago that I would write a book, I would have told them they were insane. I didn't think I knew how to write a book! A whole book? Are you crazy?

And yet...gradually...from listening to the encouraging voices around me, and the passion within me, I realized I could at least try to write a book. I could at least try to get it published. And I would not have been able to muster up the courage, believe me, if I had listened to the nay-sayers. When one acquaintance heard of this endeavor, she remarked "and what makes you qualified to write a book?". If I had listened to the nay-sayers, people who are often too wrapped up in their own fears to break free of them, I would have slipped back into my own uncertainties, and very likely given up when challenges appeared.

Consider these tips to help you avoid the nay-sayers and stay connected with positive energy as you march towards the pursuit of a dream:

Discover your internal support and stay tuned into it. Whether it's writing in a journal, doing yoga, walking or jogging in nature, meditating or praying, or something else, discover what gives you internal strength. Stay regularly tuned into that source. Trust your instincts when others aren't supportive. It's likely that some people in your life will not be able to appreciate your courage. Minimize your precious time with those who don't support you.

Protect yourself from chronic pessimists. Some people are just stuck in their own negativity. It's nothing personal against you. But they will sap your energy if you let them.

Surround yourself with those who lift you up. Actively create a support system. Invite an encouraging friend out to lunch or out to talk after the kids are in bed. Email or call supportive friends who live elsewhere. Positive energy is really infectious and is often just we need to keep moving forward.

Avoid the nay-sayers, seek out the "You-Go-Girl!" people in your life and keep connected with your internal strength. You will likely enjoy a much smoother path as you take baby steps towards bigger goals.

© 2006 by Bria Simpson
All rights and media reserved.

Bria Simpson, MA Life Coach and Parenting Specialist Author, The Balanced Mom Raising Your Kids Without Losing Yourself

Parents Look Out Are Your Kids Being Parented

Writen by Michael Russell

Parental control - what does this mean and what are we to do? First of all, where is the parental control in our society today? It used to be that parents knew where their kids were and what they were doing, who they were with and when they were to be home. When they did not abide by the rules and boundaries they were given, they were disciplined. This discipline not only benefited the family but also the teachers and classmates of the child, the overall quality of life and success of the child in the future.

Today, where are our parents and what are they in control of? Many parents are working a combined total of over ninety hours per week. They are in dead end jobs, with little or no hope of being promoted or having greater opportunity to have more time with their families in the future. Many parents rarely know where their children are. This is due to the fact that a large number of our nation's youth go to an empty house after school. Now the parent in no longer in control of what they desire to do, or rather know they should be doing, but they have very little control over their children either.

This lack of parental control not only affects the child's behavior and overall success in all areas of life, it affects the classrooms they are in as well. If there is not parental control in the home, there is little control at school. Children that have no discipline anywhere else in their lives, are told they are required to abide by the rules at school and look out for one another, when neither has been modeled for them. This causes the teachers to not be able to teach the children in the way they ought and the students fall further and further behind.

The parents, in return, wonder why their child is not succeeding and slowly over time lose hope in him or her succeeding at all. The parent feels like a failure and spends more time at work, or at least away from his or her child, in order to cope with the chaos in their lives and their child's life, due to the lack of discipline and control the parent has over the household. There is a great reason why the Bible explicitly states that the father is to be the head of the household, that the older women teach the younger and the older men teach the younger men. If there is no one modeling what it looks like to live in a way that they should, how are they to learn? If they are never disciplined, either because the parent desires to be the child's friend or because the parent is absent from the home, what is the child to do in the world? Parents must step up and regain control of their homes and families or we soon will find ourselves living in a world far worse than the chaos we find in our homes, for these children we choose to not discipline are our future.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Parental Control.

Choosing Toys For Your Children

Writen by Audrey Okaneko

Throughout the year, we see advertisements for children's toys. These advertisements are on television, on the radio and in print, both in magazines and in the newspaper.

Of course the amount and intensity of these ads is multiplied the last few months of each year. Our experience has often been that many toys are just fads. They are promoted in a way that children are just begging to receive them, and then once received, they are often discarded after just a few uses.

Over they years, I have often opted for toys that encourage creativity or thinking. For example, we've always owned word games. We've owned Scrabble, Boggle and Word Yahtzee, both the adult versions and the children's versions. These games have helped my children develop a love of words. My older daughter can not be beat at Boggle. I laugh that no one will play Boggle with her, as no one can win against her.

When my kids were young we owned blocks, Duplos and Lego. Building and creating are wonderful activities for children. My kids created all types of structures. They built homes for their dolls. They would follow patterns and build robot type figures and they would just create made up structures with no real definition. They loved building and creating. When they were old enough we bought the iron on bead designs and again they would create and create. They made magnets and bookmarks galore.

Crossword puzzle books, logic puzzle books and word find books have also always been very popular in our home. Of course these types of books are for older kids, not the under 5 group. We also always bought many workbooks, which both of my kids loved to sit and work on. Under 5, we bought a lot of shapes and counting games. Both of my kids loved Candy Land. They had to match their color cards to the space on the board. They could play this for hours upon hours. We also loved the game Sorry. Reading numbers and counting spaces was fun when they were young.

Over the years we have purchased hundreds of reading books. We actually discovered used book stores when the kids were young because we just couldn't keep them in books. As the kids learned to read, they went through every book the library had that kids could read themselves. They read everything we had bought them and so we began visiting the used book store. Any gift giving holiday the kids knew they could expect at least a couple of books.

My final suggestion is an assortment of age appropriate art supplies. You can buy crayons, markers and paints. As my kids got older they also began loving rubber stamps. They loved making their own cards and wrapping paper with rubber stamps.

We almost always skipped the newest advertised fad and instead chose the educational and creative toys on the market.

Audrey Okaneko has been working at home since 1983. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com.

Academy At Ivy Ridge Everyone Deserves Another Shot

Writen by Keith Allen

Someone once told me that the Program at Academy at Ivy Ridge is like basketball practice. They said life is the basketball game and practice provides time to prepare for that game. During practice we learn rules, new plays, new strategies, consequences and to love the game. The most important lessons taught in practice are to play our hardest and to be the best we can be. We all need to remember to stop and think before rushing through practice so we wonʼt miss something valuable and to pay close attention; otherwise, the game can be very confusing.

When our students decide to apply the concept of basketball practice to their program it seems to assist them in focusing on themselves and realizing the benefits of teamwork. They look in a whole new light at values, standards, expectations and dealing with issues. They also experience some of lifeʼs most important facts: their parents will always be their best friends and greatest advocates; their family will always believe in them and never loose faith, never give up no matter how rough things get; they always will have their familyʼs unconditional love.

While working at Ivy Ridge as a Parent Coordinator, relating to parents and students has been a constant reminder that I have been blessed with a wonderful family I can seek out when I need someone. I have come to realize that my mother has always been my best friend and I can always count on her, that I do indeed have my familyʼs unconditional love to support me through good times and bad. At work, I also have an extended family that I have come to count on. At Ivy Ridge, I get the opportunity to practice every day for the big game and team up with others who also practice, who put their heart and soul into learning everything they need to learn in order to play the game well. I love this game and support others who play because I believe everyone deserves another shot, to have an opportunity to play the game to their fullest potential. I enjoy being part of the team and invite you to join.

Academy at Ivy Ridge Parenting Troubled Teens - Help and tips for parents with troubled and struggling teens.

Coping With Tantrums

Writen by Ben Sidman

Tantrums are never easy to deal with and push parents to their limits of patients. It often seems to be that parents of children with social difficulties have a harder job because tantrums are either more frequent, unpredictable or harder to bring under control.

The Difficulties

Children with social difficulties can be very difficult to calm down when they have a tantrum because they have less of an understanding of things going on around them. This makes things like discipline very difficult because you are constantly weary that saying 'no' to even the slightest of things can develop into a dramatic tantrum.

Certainly the tantrums are less predictable or triggered by what people would generally consider 'no big deal'. This means that when your child has a tantrum over something very slight such as a meal they don't like, it becomes very difficult for parents and carers to sympathise and empathise. To you it is a perfectly reasonable thing to cope with.

When a tantrum does occur, it can be very difficult to bring under control. Parents can be left feeling shocked by the length of time a tantrum has lasted or by the amount of anxiety, frustration or aggression the child was feeling. Most of all, it can be very disheartening to see their apparent lack of being able to reach their own child to calm them down.

Another difficulty parents have is when they are in public places and their child has a tantrum, it is staggering to see other people looking at disgust at the parents who are immediately branded as bad parents to let their child get to that state.

Its not only members of the public but also uninformed professionals and medical practitioners who believe children are always a result of their parents.

Causes of Tantrums

Although it may feel that children with social difficulties have tantrums at the slightest problem, the causes of their tantrums can be a little more complex than it first appears. Tantrums are a product of some form of frustration, anxiety, anger etc. The causes of these behaviors can be extremely varied.

Some children have tantrums because they are unable to communicate what they want or express their feelings in any other way. Furthermore, they may have difficulty in understanding what they are being told. The use of picture cards may help overcome some of these problems. It is also essential to keep your language clear and brief and to emphasis important words.

Some children have great difficulty with their senses such as the feel of their clothes, the taste of their food. These uncomfortable senses make them feel uneasy and lead to built up stress if they cannot sort the problem out themselves.

Some causes of anxiety come from activities or planned events they have had problems with in the past. For example, the tennis teacher made them feel uncomfortable and knowing they have to go again causes them distress.

Problems can also occur from lack of sleep, a drop in their blood-sugar levels, an allergy to certain foods and the list goes on and on.

Parents and carers must also remember that most of the time their children do not realise themselves what is causing them to feel uncomfortable

What to do

Try to get as much information as possible when tantrums happen. Try to think of all the things that may have been the cause. Try talking to others e.g. teachers or other carers for the child to see what their experiences were and if there are any common issues that could lead to tantrums.

The best thing to encourage is communication to get the child to tell you or indicate in some way what they think is causing them distress. Try to coach them into knowing when something is making them feel bad. Then help them to tell you and give you the chance to sort it out first.

If a child is non-verbal it would be helpful to teach a child to initially point or take an adult's hand to items they want. This will reduce the frustration of not having some of their needs met. This will also help if they can point to things that are distressing them.

Support

Don't underestimate the value of support groups close to you. Parents should feel comfort in there being many thousands of other parents that understand what you have to deal with. Often talking to other parents with children with social difficulties helps a lot so that you can see you are not the only one. It helps when you are out in public places and other people see you dealing with a child with social difficulties obviously don't understand the difficulty.

Ben Sidman is a Parent of an amazing autistic child and founder of http://www.autism-support-community.com - an informative and friendly web site for parents with autistic children.

Helpful Tips To Get Your Addadhd Indigo Child To Sleep Naturally

Writen by Lisa Whatley

As a single mom of four children myself I know how difficult it is to get any child to bed on time! It is even more difficult if a child has been diagnosed as Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or more commonly referred to as ADD/ADHD. The Angel Lady, Doreen Virtue, calls this: Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. Brilliant!

My eldest son, since the day he arrived into this world has been a go-go-goer! The first year of his life, I tripled my own age! I was sleep deprived and literally exhausted, a walking zombie! He barely slept and the times he did sleep, he was very restless, constantly moving and frequently waking up. Routines and schedules did not work for him at that time. Taking one five minute nap during the day would give this child enough of an energy boost to keep him ticking until well past midnight and he would still be up by 6AM! He by passed crawling and was literally running at eight and half months! He was definitely my little energizer bunny! In this article I will share with you natural methods that I have learnt over the past 10 and half years to help him at least fall asleep.

No one suggestion below will work for everyone, but continue trying new things until you find what does work for your situation. Do not give up! It eventually pays off in the long run for both of you! Unless of course you have more kids like I do. I'm so used to not sleeping now I wonder what it would feel like to actually have one whole undisturbed night of sleep to myself! At least I am only getting up for two out of four kids now, but as with all things, this too shall pass.

• Stick to a bedtime schedule for both going to bed and getting out of bed. This should not be a fight. Your child should already be relaxed and ready for bed. On school days the routine for my son to awaken is 7:15AM. On weekends, he still goes to bed at 9PM, but I allow him to wake up whenever "he" wants to get up.

• Get them to use the bathroom before going to bed. This should help them to not wake up during the night needing to use the toilet.

• A warm sea salt bath right before bed helps to relax the body and mind.

• A foot massage. This can be with a foot massage bath spa, an actual hand massage or both! If you are going to use oils, be sure to pick pure oils, not synthetic ones and that they are relaxing, calming oils! You do not want to use oil that is meant for stimulation. Find a good aromatherapist to help you as you need to use a carrier oil along with the essential oil for massage.

• A back massage. Again this can be done with oils or without remembering to use relaxing, calming oils over stimulating ones.

• An energy healing treatment releases tension and stress and can have a calming effect.

• Soft, non-vocal, slow instrumental music. This relaxes the body and mind whereas using vocals and fast tempo will increase the energy and keep the mind in thought.

• Nature Sounds: My son likes the sound of rain, dolphins, oceans and rivers. He didn't care for the bird, cricket, frog sounds nor the thunder storms as this frightened him more than soothed him.

• Using the bedroom for sleep only. I created a play area in our house that equips the television, the kids' games, PS2, music, their toys and books etc.

• Avoid daytime naps especially if you have a child that can take a five minute nap that revives them until late in the evening! By pass the nap and put them to bed earlier. My youngest children (4 and 2) get up at 6AM and go to bed by 6PM, no naps.

• Reading stories either to the child or letting them read themselves. Pick stories that are calming and non-violent.

• No television of a violent or stimulating nature before bed.

• No stimulating energetic games such as running, jumping, tickling, wrestling etc. Pick quiet activities such as drawing, reading or writing.

• The bedding style may make a difference. My son likes it semi-snug. If the bedding is too tight, he squirms around a lot until he is able to loosen it up some. You may have try tight, semi-snug or loose.

• Diet is very important and if you want your child to fall asleep easily and rest well stay away from sugar and products with artificial food colouring. That means pretty much all processed foods! It is time to go back to the basics and eat as natural and clean as possible. This truly makes a huge difference!

Trying some of these tools may just bring back the peace and balance you and your child need! If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at Lisa@infinitylighthealing.com

Lisa Whatley is an Indigo/Crystal Adult, single mother of four Indigo/Crystal Children, an entrepreneur, writer and an Energy Facilitator. She has helped many people change their lives with the services she provides. She resides with her four children in Northern Ontario Canada. She can be reached through her personal website http://www.InfinityLightHealing.com

Special Request: © Copyright 2004-5 Lisa Whatley http://www.InfinityLightHealing.com You may share this information in its entirety with others freely, provided that this notice is included.

The Adhd Parents Guide Questions For The School

Writen by Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.

Here is something that you might want to keep if you are thinking about changing your child's school next fall or if you are planning to have your child tested by the school in the near future. Let me say this, if you are planning to have your child tested by your district, do not put off doing the paperwork. Sign them up today! Typically districts have 10 weeks in which to do assessments, but the clock doesn't start until you fill out the paperwork. This can be a long process, and if you delay at doing the paperwork you may not be able to get the assessment done until next year!

Parents, here are some good questions that you might ask the school to ensure optimal management of your child with ADHD.

1. Does your school have any strategies in place for addressing the needs of a child with ADHD?

2. If my child is going to have an educational assessment, will someone explain the evaluation procedure, due process rights, and time line to me? Who will do that?

3. If more than one person will be evaluating my child, who will those people be? When will I meet them?

4. Is someone on the assessment team planning to meet with us to obtain a careful family history, a good developmental history, and a medical history, as well as current assessments and observations? When would they like to meet?

5. Is a school psychologist doing achievement and ability testing? What all is included in the test battery, and what are the goals of the assessment?

6. Did my child do better on the achievement testing which was given in a one-on-one situation than we would have predicted based on his classroom performance?

7. Does the assessment report from the school psychologist show any distinctive features of style and speed of my child's performance?

8. Does this school district provide my child with a case manager or advocate?
 
9. What interventions are being used now in your school to meet the needs of other ADHD children?

10. If my child has to use medication, who is the designated adult on the school site responsible for its administration? Or, is your system set up to make it my child's responsibility to remember to take his medication. How does the school make certain that a child takes his medication?

You can learn more about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at the ADHD Information Library at http://www.add101.com.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

Back To School Or Not

Writen by Sally Lever

From my experiences of helping to run a local home educators' support group, I know that the school summer holidays can be a decision time for those families who are facing problems with their children's education. Sometimes it is the act of going away together that gives parents and children the opportunity to talk about difficult issues for the first time. Sometimes there have been niggling problems for some months and the summer holidays are a chance to bring them to a head and decide to make some changes.

In our society it is a commonly held belief that children go to school, end of story. It is assumed that that's how they get an education. After all that's what happened with us wasn't it? What many do not realise is that it is education that is compulsory for children, not schooling (and education and schooling are not synonymous). What's more, it is the responsibility of parents not that of the state, to ensure that their children receive a suitable education, although in the UK and many other countries parents may choose to delegate part of their responsibility to the state by sending their children to school.

The vast majority of parents take their responsibility for their children's education, along with their health and wellbeing, very seriously. When there are problems at school, not only is it difficult for the children concerned, but parents find themselves questioning their parenting skills, their choice of school, their faith in the education system. As with many parenting issues, being in this type of situation, where our expectations are suddenly dashed, causes anguish and heartache.

What can be done to remedy such situations? Here are some general suggestions which I've come up with from chatting over these issues with many families:

• Get informed. Find out all you can about the educational options open to you and your child in your area. Remember, home education is an option wherever you live in the UK. For the legal situation in the UK see:

www.home-education.org.uk

For the legal situation in other countries, see:

Learning Unlimited: www.learning-unlimited.org

For further information on alternative forms of education, see the resources page on my website. (www.sallylever.co.uk )

• Clarify with everyone involved what your educational priorities are. Write them down as this helps to focus everyone's attention on them.

• Remember to consult your child and respect their wishes. (United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, article 12.)

• Talk with other families who have experience of the form of education you are thinking of using.

• Remember, you are the expert on your child. If you feel that their educational needs would be better served by an alternative form of education, then you are probably right!

Finally, whatever choices you make with your child about their education, the decision is reversible. Whilst many children are educated totally through a school, there are tens of thousands in the UK who are totally home educated or spend part of their childhood in school and part of it at home. It really is your choice.

© Sally Lever 2006. http://www.sallylever.co.uk Sally Lever is a Sustainable Living Coach and long term home educator who specializes in inspiring and supporting those who are downshifting or otherwise moving towards a more sustainable way of life. She offers one-to-one coaching, teleclasses in "How to step off the Treadmill" and a free email newsletter.

Found Facts Dr Kay Johnsons Research On China Abandonment In China

Writen by Beth O'Malley

The facts about adoption keep changing. Changes occur not just in regulations and laws but even in the basics, such as how to talk with kids about adoption. Only eight short years ago there were a mere handful of adoption books. As of Fall 2002, there were 1,450 adoption-related books listed on Amazon.com.

I am an adoption social worker. My career led me to write about how to create life history books for adopted children. I am always on the lookout for new resources and stories, and the Internet has become a great place to look.

There, people can educate themselves at the speed of light. Listservs and online groups are examples: You can type in whatever subject moves you, and instantly 'talk' with a group of people all interested in the same thing.

My passion is adoption Lifebooks, the subject I write about. I'll share a little: I was adopted at age 5 months, in the 1960s. Growing up in a closed adoption meant I had no information: no best guesses, no discussion, no "I'll bet that…" Lifebook work comes naturally.

On one listserv, raisingchinachildren@yahoogroups.com, I heard about Dr. Kay Johnson. Dr. Johnson is an expert on Chinese infant abandonment and adoption. In 1998 she and co-researchers Huang Banghan and Wang Liyao published the results of their research.

In spring 2002, Dr. Johnson's research zipped all over the Internet. Due to copyright issues the study wasn't posted on mainsteam adoption websites. I did however get a copy of the 25-page report.It was slow reading, but I realized the implications at once. I needed to know more. And I knew that adopted Chinese children would want to know more in years to come. It was their story.

Thanks to the 'red thread' forces near me, I heard Dr. Johnson speak just two weeks after I finished reading her study. She appeared at Wide Horizons for Children, a Massachusetts adoption agency only a short drive from my home.

Dr. Johnson was willing to travel for hours in the rain on a Sunday to make this appearance because of her special connection to Wide Horizons. Shortly after adopting her daughter in Wuhan, Dr. Johnson then approached Vicki Peterson, Director of Wide Horizons for Children, about starting a China Adoption program. The rest is history.

A professor at Hampshire College in Massachusetts, Dr, Johnson says her motivation for the research was to help her daughter. "I needed to find answers," she said. The most difficult and challenging question was "Why was I abandoned?"

Dr. Johnson is a scholar and knows more about China abandonment policy than anyone in this country. She confided to the packed auditorium that, when her daughter was small, she "stuttered and stammered a lot" when trying to explain about adoption and abandonment. She disclosed that she used words like possible, maybe, as far as we know, and the truth as I know it, with lots of don't know's. Now that her daughter is older, Dr. Johnson is grateful that she "always shared the truth."

In her fieldwork, she and her colleagues were able to obtain information from 237 families who abandoned their children in the 1980s and 1990s. A short questionnaire and a small number of in-depth interviews were used in the study. The following are the major findings:

• Females represent 90 percent of the children abandoned.

• Birth order and the presence/absence of a brother were "crucial in determining which girls were abandoned."

• Fully 82 percent of these children have sisters.

• Of children who were abandoned, 88 percent were from rural areas.

• All the birth parents in the study were married except in three cases.

• In half the cases, the birth father made the decision; both parents made the decision in 40 percent of the cases.

According to Dr. Johnson's report, "some birth mothers said they felt the loss of the child for many years, although most claimed to have gotten over it." One birth mother insisted that "time healed her wounds," but by the end of the interview she was overcome by tears and said that she never wanted to talk about this again.

The interviews revealed deep emotional suffering and heartache among many Chinese birth mothers. After reading the report, I felt suddenly that those nameless, faceless birth mothers became real people, still struggling with past decisions. So many of these babies were indeed 'wanted'—and deeply mourned.

There is an American stereotype that the Chinese don't value girls. Dr. Johnson challenges this notion, stating that "the Chinese love their girls….Girls are not readily abandoned. This is not the first step for families." She learned that families often go to great lengths by 'hiding' their daughters or paying huge fines before turning to abandonment. It is seldom the first or even second oldest girl who is abandoned.

She is also firm on the point that babies are abandoned in China for a very clear reason. In a quiet voice at Wide Horizon's Chinese Culture Day, she said that birthparents "abandoned their daughter[s] not because they were poor or [because] the child would have a better life. The Chinese were afraid of their future[s] without the support of a son."

Dr. Johnson asserts that Chinese birthparents are not "brave" and do not have "no choice", as American adoptive parents sometimes surmise, but they do have great pressures placed on them. They are forced to make difficult decisions that cause themselves and others great pain.Decisions they would not make if the Chinese government had different rules.

What does this mean for Chinese girls adopted in the U.S.? According to Dr. Johnson's study, it is likely that they have at least sisters alive in China.

When the facts are known, it is nonetheless difficult for many adoptive parents to share sibling information. The slightest possibility of having a brother or sister is critical information for the adopted person, however. And now we are learning from Dr. Johnson that siblings are more than just a slim possibility. Remember, in her study, 82 percent of abandoned children have sisters in China.

The adoption story thus significantly changes for children adopted from China, from one about a faceless birth mother leaving a baby in a park for reasons unknown, to the likelihood of a two-parent rural family who were fearful for their own survival in old age. It is now a story of birth mothers still grieving and crying over the loss of their daughters, of birth parents pressured by the policies and rules of their country. And now add older sisters into the picture, living at home with their birth mothers and fathers.

Corinne Rayburn, a widely respected adoption therapist of 25 years' standing, says that the sibling piece is important information: "The child's truth needs to held by the parents and told to the child." She adds, however, that for a young child, "telling a child that s/he might have a sibling could be more confusing than helpful."

This information must be shared with the child, but presented when s/he is a little older, perhaps 9 or 10—but before the turbulence of adolescence. Ms. Rayburn believes that to tell a child aged 5 or 6 that s/he might have a sister translates into "I have a sister" in the child's mind. Instead, the child needs to be old enough to understand words like maybe and good possibility.

It is vital that this information be shared by the parent(s) once it will be understood, and not received 'by accident' when the child is older. Ms. Rayburn cautions that "you, the parent, do not want to be viewed by your child as a person who avoids, omits, or disguises their truth."

Each child's adoption story is a personal, unique tale. Adoption talk and Lifebooks are ways in which parents help their children understand their pasts. The weaving of this new knowledge with the truths that are known sets the foundation for trust, identity, and feeling good about oneself in years to come.

Dr. Johnson supports Lifebooks and says that a "lifebook is invaluable…It helps you think through the issues and carefully word them beforehand…once they are on paper then the hard part is done…"

Dr. Johnson's journey has transformed the 'facts as we know them' for thousands of adopted people. She has discovered another piece of the story, a found fact that will eventually be common knowledge to Chinese Adoptees and to all of us. This information is not going to be easy to share or easy to live with. But when it is your story, what matters is that it is the truth.

Ms. O'Malley is an adoptee, adoptive mom, adoption social worker, and the author of Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child.

Sign up for free lifebook lessons and a monthly newsletter at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/signup.htm

Visit her website at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com

Want to read more of Kay Johnson's work? Go to amazon.com "Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son: Abandonment, Adoption, and Orphanage Care in China by Kay Ann Johnson