Writen by Andrew Borodin
Listen. What? I listen - wait a minute the footy is on, tell me later. Have you ever been in a position like this? How rude! Couldn't they wait until the bit about the footy was over? I work all day to support this family and they couldn't give me a few minutes to see the bit about the footy? They just had to tell me, so I missed the footy. Can't I get any peace in my own home?
Kids, they keep on asking questions and nagging you to play with them. Ever feel that you never have any time to yourself? Yes. I have had these problems, where I thought that no one listened to what I wanted. The kids seem to be trying to get their own way all the time and you don't get a look in.
So what does listening have to do with my children not listening to me? What can I do to get my kids to listen? Is it the way I say things? Do we, as a family, have a set routine and rules that we use when we talk to each other? Do we respectfully listen to the other person until they are finished or only answering when you have all of the story rather than going half cocked?
Listening without judging or interfering and understanding what was said can help in getting the message from the person who is talking to you. How often have you listened to a person and then thought, what did they say? Are your listening skills in need of an overhaul? Yes, we all need to make sure that we give ourselves and our loved ones the respect and time that they need.
While your children are growing up, you as a parent need to show and explain how good manners are important. Especially when the child is communicating either with you or others, that turn taking is vital to good listening. Listening with respect and not interrupting will help in understanding what is being said. My mother told me that we have two ears and one mouth, so we need to listen twice as much than we talk.
Show respect and face your child always when they are talking to you. This will show your child that you value them and their opinion. At all times let the child finish what they have to say and never prejudge anything that is said. Clarify anything that you don't understand by asking a question for more information. Be positive. Smile as often as possible. Show that you are listening, by saying yes, uh huh, I see, or I understand, or some other saying that you use.
By establishing the set rules, you will find that the children will respect your special time for watching the footy and you will have some time to yourself. This will improve the home atmosphere and things will be more relaxed. The respect and trust that is built up when active listening is used between the parent and child can last a whole lifetime. The key to relationships is communication and active listening.
Listen actively when your child is communicating, whether the child is crying, yelling or just sulking in a corner, the child is communicating with you. Be alert, be attentive or you might miss a vital communication. All acts and noises made by your child are deliberate and are forms of communication.
Andrew Borodin
http://www.parent-child-help.com
Andrew Borodin is a retired teacher who helps people with their kids. He is passionate in seeing kids growing up to their potential in life. http://www.parent-child-help.com
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