Mom Dad And The Big Brother

Writen by Alexandra Gamanenko

Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied right. Millions of parents in the USA alone do check their kids' online behavior. In November 2004 a telephone survey made by the Pew Internet and American Life Project showed that:

54% of families with computers connected to the Internet either used filtering technologies to block potentially harmful content or have some kind of monitoring software installed.

Nearly three-quarters of the teens surveyed said that their home computer is located in a place like living room, 64 percent of parents said they set rules about their children's time online.

One can find anything in the Internet, and a certain share of its content isn't suitable for kids or even teenagers. Filtering Web content becomes common in American families, and nobody argues that it is reasonable. Restricting the time teenagers spend in front of the screen is a good idea, too--we care for our kids' health.

But should everybody who has a teenage son or a daughter apply software for monitoring his or her computer activity? Not just checking the browsing history, but monitoring every keystroke your kid makes? Do we have to do it? Please think a bit.

My opinion is that monitoring software is "strong medicine". Like any medicine, it has its own side effects which can be worse than the disease. Any medicine, if overused, can do harm.

I am well aware about threats children can face in cyberspace. We all are. You sure know about these dangers, too. Predators lure kids away from home to rape and kill. Suspicious "friends" your kid meets online --who knows who they are and what they might teach your son or daughter? What is he or she chatting about--and with whom? All this never leaves minds of overworked, ever-busy parents.

But all the same--monitoring software isn't a panacea, though advertising sometimes tries to prove the opposite. If you are going to install a program that logs everything done on a computer, answer this question:

What exactly do you want to achieve? Make your kid obey the rules or to catch him/her red-handed?

Most likely, first. Have you exhausted all other means? If yes, try to answer the next question:

If you are prohibiting something, does your teenager know why?

Remember what most people usually say to a toddler if he plays with a knife. They try to EXPLAIN -- even to such a small kid -- WHY NOT. Are you sure your much-older-and-smarter teenager knows WHY he or she shouldn't reveal phone numbers, address, and other personal information?

As for not visiting sleazy sites, your teenager is much more likely to obey rules if you say you care not only for him/her (but of course you do), but also for the computer. So, now you are not lecturing your almost-grown-up kid, you are reminding about information security.

Viruses, worms, Trojan Horses--teenagers know these words, and they do know where they are most likely to pick this crap. If your kid doesn't know it (though it's unlikely), EXPLAIN. If you don't know it, LEARN about it and explain.

Where to learn? In lots of places. For example, here are good sources of information. What's more, they are interesting and in plain English:

http://www.msn.staysafeonline.com/

http://www.staysafeonline.info/home-tips.html http://www.getnetwise.org/

Look at these as well. Tastes differ, but your teenager might find them interesting:

http://www.msn.staysafeonline.com/default2.htm http://www.safekids.com/

A simple search will bring you much more information. It will be very useful for you as well.

If you think you should apply monitoring software anyway, consider this:

Think at first what if tour son or daughter finds out that you have been logging every keystroke? Be prepared to face it.

Computer monitoring is the last resort. It means the situation is out of control. Is it really?

Aexandra Gamanenko currently works at Raytown Corporation, LLC --an independent monitoring and anti-monitoring software developing company that provides various solutions for information security.

Learn more about these products -- visit the company's website http://www.softsecurity.com

Is Johnnys Primary Handicap A Learning Disability Or Adhd

Writen by George Gallegos

Parents are usually worried by the report of learning problems and under performance in school by their child. Once learning accommodations and positive incentives have been informally introduced in the classroom, the next level of possible interventions to help a student's academic performance in the classroom can become more complicated. The difficulty Johnny experiences in the classroom cannot be accurately understood without some amount of individualized evaluation primarily in the areas of intellectual ability, learning achievement, or his ability to regulate attention. Schools are more likely to refer a student for an ADHD evaluation prior to the initiation of a comprehensive learning evaluation completed by the school's special education team. Despite questions surrounding potential learning disabilities, schools often prefer to have the question of ADHD addressed prior to a decision to pursue special education testing for Johnny.

In the learned opinion of Russell Barkley (excerpts from his lecture on ADHD, San Francisco, June, 2000), up to 50% of children referred for ADHD also have learning disabilities. Although the incidence of these two conditions is independent from one another, there remains a need to carefully evaluate for both learning weaknesses and ADHD when problems present with academic performance. Barkley states that 75% of children referred for ADHD are found to have other co-morbid conditions including learning disabilities, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, anxiety disorder, depression, or conduct disorder. While these alternative conditions must be considered, student evaluation should always include some estimate of intellectual ability and measured academic achievement. It is important to recognize the distinct relationship between a student's ability to learn and the ability to sustain attention.

Learning weaknesses and/or lower cognitive ability will predictably interfere with student attention. Although learning and intellectual weaknesses usually result with the symptom of inattention, they are qualitatively different from the disruption of ADHD. Theoretically, a learning disability is defined as an inability to interpret information correctly and link it with other learned information stored in different parts of the brain. Standardized tests often concentrate on evaluating a student's ability to learn information primarily through the auditory and visual modes. A learning weakness can disrupt a student's efforts to comprehend, organize, sequence, categorize, and associate concepts or ideas. A student impaired by learning disabilities can demonstrate inattention when they struggle to process challenging information or tasks.

A student can also show inattention when they attempt to learn information or complete tasks that exceed their ability level. In this case, intellectual ability governs how well the student can think, problem solve, understand abstractions, make abstract comparisons, use vocabulary to describe thoughts, and express ideas in verbal and written language. Weaknesses in any of these thinking and problem solving abilities can interfere with performance. Even Low Average range intellectual abilities can effectively interfere with a student's routine efforts to comprehend and perform in the classroom. Ultimately, this student may feel lost, confused, or overwhelmed by the typical classroom curriculum. This inattentive and off-task behavior is often misinterpreted as ADHD rather than the actual thinking disruption recognized as part of lower cognitive ability. A student with lower intellectual abilities will demonstrate correspondent levels of poor attention. This means that attention is demonstrated at a level that conforms to the student's cognitive ability.

These areas of performance weakness are routinely monitored by classroom teachers. While delays in academic skill development can be informally observed in the student's daily performance, standardized assessment must be completed in order to formally identify either a learning disability or intellectual weakness. Testing can be completed by the special education team using achievement measures as well as an I.Q. test to evaluate the level of student functioning. Achievement measures will reflect what the student has learned through routine instruction. Intellectual testing will produce a theoretical ability score commonly recognized as innate thinking ability. It is then possible to compare the student's achieved learning to the student's theoretical ability to learn (I.Q.). Statistically significant differences between these two levels of performance will suggest the possibility of learning and thinking disabilities.

A referral for testing may be made by the classroom teacher in coordination with the student's parents. Generally, federal guidelines allow a 45 day window for testing to be completed by a school's special education team. All testing results will be shared at a staffing coordinated with parents, teacher, and special education team in attendance. Due to the period of time necessary for this assessment process to occur, schools may often encourage parents to seek an ADHD evaluation prior to the special education staffing date. The intention of the ADHD evaluation will be to rule out the possibility of contributing deficits in the student's ability to sustain attention to task.

I am a child psychologist recently retired from the public school district. I continue to maintain a private practice devoted to the assessment of ADHD in children. I have recently developed a parent questionnaire that helps parents decide whether to pursue a formal ADHD evaluation for their child. This questionnaire can be viewed at http://www.youadditup.com

Why Geography Is Important For Children

Writen by Paul Martin

Did you realize that most children have absolutely no idea where they live? They could not pick out their state on a map, or even America on a globe. They can't tell you what language is spoken in Paris, or what continent Brazil is on.

Did you realize that many high school students can't either?

Most people agree that the fundamental building blocks to a child's education are reading, writing, and mathematics. But I would like to add one more to that list: geography. Just as reading and mathematics open the doors to literature and science, geography opens the door to understanding history, culture, and current events.

Educators are constantly telling us that our high-schoolers are failing to grasp the basics of American history. But how could they possibly understand the history of our nation if they cannot identify the 50 states on a blank map or know where Jamestown was settled? How could they understand the heritage of their diverse classmates, or indeed their own heritage, if they do not even know what part of the world their ancestors came from?

The problem is this: most children never have a class in geography until seventh grade at the earliest. Because of this, everything they learned before that point in time is left completely out of context. The Jungle Book makes little sense if you do not know where India is or what a tropical rainforest is like. Hearing about our soldiers (often including a friend or relative) fighting in Iraq is a total mystery if you know nothing about the people who live there or why the Middle East is a particularly important and turbulent part of our world.

That is why geography needs to be learned from the very beginning, just like the alphabet and simple addition. That way, everything a child learns is immediately put into its proper context in their minds. Otherwise, if you tell them you are sending money to help feed hungry children in Ethiopia, they might think that's somewhere near grandma's house rather than in eastern Africa.

The power of understanding the world is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. And it is you who needs to give it to them, because the schools will not. Buy a globe and an atlas, as well as books that describe the histories, cultures, and religions of the people living in other countries.

Teach your children about the world outside their everyday experience, and watch the horizons of their imagination and intellect explode.

And start with the forgotten basics of geography.

-------------------------------

Copyright, Paul Martin, Noss Galen Baby LLC 2006

Paul and Alison Martin are the owners of Noss Galen Baby LLC, a small online business dedicated to offering innovative, hard-to-find products for babies and toddlers at affordable prices.

To subscribe or to see previous issues of Paul's "Live and Learn" newsletter, please visit http://www.NossGalenBaby.com/newsletter.html.

Ten Ways To Help Your Child Get Ready To Read

Writen by Carol Boles

Pre-school reading and kindergarten curriculums in most public schools teach the alphabet and its corresponding sounds. However, today more and more school districts are assessing children's letter name and corresponding sound knowledge prior to enrollment. Why? Because most children come to school with this knowledge. Many children's television programs teach this content and many parents take it upon themselves to teach their children these concepts as well.

Ironically, even though public school curriculums teach these concepts, schools consider children who have not mastered these concepts to be behind their peers. Therefore, parents should consider applying the following strategies to help their young children get ready to read:

1. Buy a set of alphabet letters cards. Put them at the children's eye level, on the wall, where your children can easily see them everyday. Review the letter names, in groups of seven, daily. Say the letter name and letter sound of each card. IMPORTANT! A letter sound is a small, short sound. Don't add vowel sounds after consonants. "C" sound like "k" not CAA. It's not Ca ba da! It's "c" "b" "d". When your child masters a set of seven, go onto another set of seven. If you're unsure about teaching your children letter-sounds, DON'T! Leave it to the classroom teacher.

2. Buy a set of magnetic alphabet letters and put them on the refrigerator. Let your children play with them. Some children are tactile learners. That is, touching the letter shape helps them process and learn the letter's name.

3. Write your children's names in block and stick letters (manucript) clearly and uniformly. And put this on their bedroom doors. NO CURSIVE! Remember, your children are learning a code. Think of it this way - if you were learning and new language that had a different written alphabet (such as Chinese), in order for you to learn this new code/ symbol, the symbols would need to be exactly the same every time in order for you to recognize them and memorize them.

4. Help your children write their names in other ways. Write their names for them, then let them trace over this. Small children have limited motor skills but encourage them to pick up a crayon or large pencil and try to trace the letters.

5. Start reading to your children as soon as they can focus their eyes on the book. Read simple board books every day. Introducing the concept of reading early on sends the message that reading is an important skill. You are also introducing and re-enforcing classroom behaviors such as sitting quietly and listening.

6. Read your children's favorite books over and over. Start pointing to the words. The muscles in children's eyes are not fully developed until they are about ten or eleven years old. When you point to the words, you are helping them track along. That is, keeping their place on the page. Also, they hear the word, see the word, then eventually recognize the word. Thus, they develop some sight word capability.

7. Put books in your car. While you drive, let your children entertain themselves turning the pages and looking at the pictures. Change your selection of books regularly.

8. Write notes to family members and young children who are not yet reading. They will feel included and be motivated to learn to read so they can participate (of course read the notes to them until they learn to read).

9. Take your children to the library. Let them pick out books they want you to read to them. Also, choose books you will enjoy reading aloud to them.

10. Buy your children books for presents. Wrap them up in bright paper. After they rip the paper off, read the books to them.

Children who make the connection early on that the sounds and words we make with our mouth can be converted to written letters or words have a much easier time learning to read. By teaching your children the alphabet, reading to them and creating a rich, literate home environment, you are sending the message that reading is an important skill. One they will be eager to learn.

Carol Boles has a master's degree in Special Reading and an Educational Specialist degree in Curriculum and Instruction. She has over ten years experience teaching K-12 reading in public schools. She now manages her own business and is a member of The Lieurance Group, a freelance writers cooperative. Find out more about her writing services at http://www.lieurancegroup.blogspot.com or email her at Cwrites-56@hotmail.com

10 Tips To Protect Your Child Actor

Writen by Troy Rutter

If your child is involved in the entertainment industry, whether in small-town theatre productions or movies and television shows, protecting their welfare is a top priority for parents. Here are ten simple steps you can do today to help protect your child from rabid fans and predators.

1. Stop using your child's social security number on their resume.

It use to be commonplace to use a social security number on a resume so producers, directors and casting directors could refer to you as a number when you go in for an audition. This is no longer the case. When your child signs in for an audition, there will be a spot for their SAG number. If they are not in the Screen Actors Guild, leave the box empty or ask the receptionist if they can use another number.

2. Change your phone number.

Once your phone number is listed, it will remain in online directories and even print directories for a long time. Simply changing it to be unlisted will not stop people from finding it out and calling you at home. Obtain a new number and keep it unlisted.

3. Check your child's fan mail carefully.

Once your child has appeared on a TV show or in a movie, they will start to get fan letters. While this may seem neat at first, you must be careful when allowing your child to read the letters that come in. Look over the envelopes carefully and notice strange addresses. Letters from prisons oftentimes are marked "Inmate Mail" or have a strange address that looks like a PO box.

4. Take your own digital cards to your photographer.

When it is time to get your child's photographs done for their portfolio or comp card, ask if you can bring your own digital card for their camera. If the photographer still shoots on film, make sure that their session fee includes giving the negatives to you. By protecting the raw images of your child, you will help prevent their likeness from showing up on online auction sites tomorrow or in years to come.

5. Audit an acting class.

Instead of shelling out the full fee for an acting class you have heard about, ask the instructor if your child can audit their class. Most will say yes. You should be skeptical about those who will not allow your child, and a parent, to sit in on a class or two.

6. Don't looks for agents in the mall.

If you get a flyer asking you to bring your child to the mall to meet with a talent manager, run the other way. Many of these companies make their money by charging outrageous fees for photographers and showcases. They thrive on signing hundreds of kids, hoping one of them happens to make it big.

7. Do your homework.

Never stop learning about the entertainment business. Read books on child actors, auditioning, acting technique, and biographies of former and current child stars. Attend workshops and seminars in your area.

8. Provide a support structure for your child.

During the course of your child's career, they will turned down many times for different reasons. It is important to have both internal and external support mechanisms for your child to turn to when they need to talk or vent their frustrations.

9. Avoid leaving comments on fan web sites.

While at first it may seem neat when you see the first web site dedicated to your child, but avoid contacting the maker of the site or leaving feedback in a guestbook or forum. Your computer information can be tracked fairly easily, allowing them to get even more personal information.

10. Register your child's name as a web site domain name.

As soon as your child books that new commercial, TV show or movie, register your child's name as a "dot com" immediately so somebody cannot steal it out from under you. Registration services are under $10/year at most places, so it will be a cheap investment in your child's safety.

Most of these items involve common sense, but you will be surprised how easily they are forgotten when your child has a chance at stardom. Keep your wits about you and remember your number one priority is the welfare of your child, not booking the part.

Troy A. Rutter has been working with young performers for over ten years. His book, Kids in the Biz, provides step-by-step guidance to prospective young performers and their families. For more information about getting children into acting in television and films, visit his web site at http://www.kidsinthebiz.com.

What Is Motherhood

Writen by CD Mohatta

When we think of a mother, what kind of a picture we get in our mind? A compassionate lady who will sacrifice all her comforts and will work ceaselessly in the home without expecting any monetary reward, only to take care of her children. Is this correct? Motherhood means sacrifice and pain from day one of conception. But this pain and sacrifice brings forward a beautiful feeling in a woman after she finds that her children are happy and healthy. That is the only reward she desires from her children. And that is motherhood.

This is true not only for humans but all mothers of the animal kingdom. A tigress will attack you and kill you if you dare to approach her cubs. Every animal mother teaches her young ones the art of living in their world. Every mother is ready to go to any length to save her young ones. A woman begins dreaming about her child soon after conception. Many expectant mothers talk to the yet to be born child. They feel totally comfortable doing that. They plan for the future of the kid, food, education, clothing, shelter everything. From the poorest to the richest mothers, we find that a sense of protecting her progeny is the most common trait.

For a mother, the child is her extension. This is not so for the fathers. But mothers treat the child as same as themselves. Why? Nature gives this love to a mother so that the specie continues. Mothers are special. In few studies it has been found that infants stop crying when they listen to the recorded sounds of their mothers womb. They were protected there and when they come out in the world, they are surprised with the difference. The sounds of womb tell them that things have still not changed so much and they feel comforted. That is one of the reasons why touch works wonders. The more a mother touches her children physically, the more loved they feel. They get the reassurance of the protection of the mother.

A child should always feel indebted to his/her mother because nobody else including the father sacrifices so much as the mother to bring us up. Mother is compassion and for a young kid, mother is God.

Mohatta writes content for screensavers on http://www.screene.com. He also writes text for eCards for Love, birthday wishes and other topics.

Parenting Dilemmas Finding Support Online

Writen by Dakota Caudilla

The role of being a parent is full of trials and tribulations. The good times are great, but the bad times can make you feel frustrated and lonely.

Friendly advice: to take it or not?

Confiding in friends and family about problems at home is not always the best thing to do. These are ongoing relationships that you've spent years nurturing and introducing a problem can throw the dynamics of a good friendship way off course.

Moreover, seeking solutions to your parenting dilemmas from your immediate circle of friends may not always be the best thing to do because friends and family cannot always provide the advice you really need. Our friends and family, as much as they love us, cannot always be objective about the dilemmas in our lives.

Whether you are a parent with special needs, a single parent, or just an average parent going through a rough time, the decision to seek help on the Internet is a good one because the Internet provides two important things: accurate and anonymous advice.

Online options: easy and safe

Start off with a search for "parent support group". Parent support groups introduce parents who are facing similar challenges and problems in their lives. Online parent support groups are comfortable meeting places where you can share problems and solutions and offer encouragement and support to each other. Accessing parent support groups online is a good way to seek help because you are in the comfort of your own home. You don't have to dress up and put on a brave face. You can sit in your pajamas and deal with your problem in a safe environment.

Dakota Caudilla, journalist, and website builder Dakota Caudilla lives in Texas. He is the owner and co-editor of http://www.your-childs-health.com on which you will find a longer, more detailed version of this article.

How To Handle Unsolicited Advice With Peaceful Parentingr

Writen by Nancy Buck

Think back to when you were pregnant. Did you begin hearing all of the horror stories of every other woman's pregnancy and delivery? Did your mother, mother-in-law, aunts, cousins and godmother give you her best advice about what you should and should not be doing?

When the baby finally arrived, did the advice continue? During a grocery store outing when your baby or toddler began a melt-down, did total strangers feel compelled to give you "good advice?" Now that your child or children are older, has every innocent question you ask of any other parent turn into a lecture leaving you feeling less competent or less able to handle your question?

Let's go at this from another angle. Are you the person who is sharing her good ideas and tips to other mothers of younger children than your own? It's hard not to. We each have our own stories, our own experiences, our own wisdom learned from lessons our children present to us. How to hold back from teaching another mother what we have learned from our own parenting experiences?

Sometimes the advice we receive from others is welcomed. Sometimes the tip your mother-in-law or older sister shares about walking with a cranky infant is just the thing that finally helps you and your baby settle down. Learning the trick about laying your toddlers jacket on the ground is just the advice necessary to move your daughter to learn how to dress herself. Another mother's advice about her son's bedtime ritual is the ticket to help you and your son find peace and success at bedtime.

But sometimes advice, no matter how well intention feels like criticism. When your mother suggests that you hug your child more, you wonder if you are unloving. When your daughter's teacher suggests that you spend more time helping her with her homework, you begin to wonder if you are less than involved than you should be.

What makes the difference between helpful advice and well meaning suggestions turning into criticism? The biggest difference is whether or not you have asked for help and advice. When you ask your sister-in-law how she handles the bickering between her two children, you are asking her to share her experiences, hoping to learn some tricks to solve your problem. But when a total stranger suggests you hold your son's hand while walking through the department store, the advice feels like someone else has evaluated that what you are doing is not okay. You haven't asked for nor are you ready to receive any parent ideas, thank you very much. So when unsolicited advice is offered it is more likely to be unhelpful. When you solicit advice, you want help and suggestions to a challenge or problem that you have acknowledged exists.

Now take a moment to imagine what life is like from your child's perspective. Almost every place in your child's life there is an older person at the ready to offer advice, suggestions for improvement or correction. At home, one or both parents have ideas of how your son could manage his time better. At school, her teacher hands back work with corrections. At music lessons or on the softball or baseball field the teacher/coach may tell or yell at your son to help him improve his athletic or musical skills. The life of a child is filled with unsolicited advice and correction from every angle in unlimited sources.

When is advice and correction helpful to your child and when is it a threat to her self-esteem? Just as with you, what determines this difference is whether or not the advice or correction has been solicited, asked for, or not.

When your son is making his bed and has trouble tucking in the sheets or fitting the sheet, if he asks for your help or suggestions, he wants advice. But if you happen to walk by at his moment of struggle and suggest that tucking in corner angles first may help, your suggestion may easily be perceived as criticism.

When your daughter asks her coach what she can do to improve her soccer skills, she wants advice and help. But when the coach tells her that she was in the wrong place for the last play, your daughter may leave the field questioning her skills and abilities.

In the first example, your child has self-evaluated that he/she needs assistance and help. In the second examples, the adult has evaluated that the child needs correction and help.

It would be grand if from this day forward you vowed and succeeded in eliminating all unsolicited advice that you offer, to your children and all of the other people in your life. That is my unsolicited advice offered to you. But until I can succeed at such a fete, I won't offer it to you.

Instead, I offer another piece of advice. ASK It really is that simple. When you see your daughter struggling with her homework, ask her if she would like your help. When you hear your son mistakenly naming the capital of South Dakota, ask if he would like your advice. When you see another mother juggling with her baby, carriage and dog, ask if you can help. Your desire to help, to correct, to offer your well earned wisdom will be more readily accepted if you ask first if the person wants to receive your ideas, advice and suggestions.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com
Improve your family - Improve your world

Parenting Teenagers 7 Easy Steps

Writen by Jan Verhoeff

You know who you are, a parent of a teenager. You're the one with blood shot eyes, more gray hair than you had yesterday, and empty pockets. Yeah, it's those empty pockets that get you. When you realize those three things, you'll know you're parenting a teenager…

Step #1 – Start before they start talking back, explain to your children when they are very young that you are the boss and you expect them to obey. Allow them to suffer consequences of simple injustices, early on. If you tell them No, they will fall down, and they go ahead and start to climb on the couch, show them the floor. Gently of course!

Step #2 – Always have an appropriate punishment available when natural consequences are not happening. A natural consequence of disobedience happens without parental interference, and often without your actual knowledge. If there are natural consequences, you don't have to issue punishment. If not, however, it is best to issue a punishment that fits the crime. Just be sure you aren't punishing yourself in the process.

Step #3 – Communication is the key. If you can't talk to your child, they can't talk to you. Communication is mutual. If you find you always are scolding your child, that isn't communication. Much of disciple comes not from the punishment, but from understanding the proper way to behave. Chatter about the good things, compliment them, and share the rewards you've received for appropriate behavior. Comment on their friends who behave well, or your friends who don't. Talk to your kids.

Step #4 – Time is a definite component of building a relationship. When was the last time you spent some serious TIME with your child? I mean the kind of time where you wish you could stay longer. Taking my daughter to school, since she attends a class there after home schooling for 10 years, is a real experience for both of us. Most mornings, we chatter about the weather, her classes, or some other significant topic. This morning, we talked about the importance of chocolate in the lives of girls. This is important stuff she needs to know, and only I can share it with her.

Just so you don't think my daughter's get extra time, I want to share a discussion I had with my son last night. Completely awesome talk about swords; he told me how they made the, and what they were for, and then explained to me that if we still had fire breathing dragons, I'd have to take a "knight" with me wherever I went, to fight off the fire breathing dragons. He's 10 and completely convinced it's his responsibility to make the world safe for inhabitation.

Step #5 – Don't give them everything they want. Sometimes, just say no because you can. I know this may sound a bit mean and cruel, but the reality is our children don't need everything they ask for, when they ask. Sometimes, they need to earn their way, and know the actual value of what they want. Occasionally, even if you can afford to give your children everything they ask for, don't.

Step #6 – Teach by example. IF you think for one moment your children will do as you say and not as you do, your thinking is messed up. If you smoke, they probably will too. If you drink, they probably will too. If you run around on your spouse, they probably will too. Teach by doing the right thing, so your children can learn from your example. And if you do screw up, be willing to admit you were wrong.

Step #7 – If you teach your child nothing else in life, teach them about unconditional love. Accept your children for who and what they are, and love them. Show them where you want them to go, and just love them through whatever phase they are in. Let them know you care and you will be there. Don't change their consequences for them, but be there to encourage them through the good choices and the bad choices.

As a single parent, the hardest thing I've had to learn is that when I change my children's consequences, it takes them longer to learn the lesson.

You're in the game for the whole show, not just a battle or two. Be sure you come out on the other side with scars you won't mind sharing! Go in with the shield of good parenting from the beginning, and a relationship with your child that can't be broken.

Jan Verhoeff is a home school mom, with four children. One in college, three in high school and junior high levels, who are accomplishing great things, and achieving their goals. Visit her weblog at http://homeschool101.blogspot.com

Social Skills And Cooperation Short Specific Statements That Say Everything You Need

Writen by Ellen Mossman-Glazer

Trust in the power of just one single sentence to get your child quickly back on track. When you are trying to get your children to pay better attention to their responsibilities, make a brief, very specific sentence your first and main strategy instead of revving up for the drain of debate, confrontation and consequencing.

You may want your child to settle down to homework, finish a chore, or make a better choice about something. It's the 'less is more' model. Just a few words can say everything that needs to be heard.

The SSS Method

Create a Short Specific Statement. Here are a few different types for some typical situations:

Redirect. "The next thing you need to do is walk to your desk." No nagging, just the statement. Repeat it until your child sees you will not engage you in any other conversation.

Refocus with a question. "What do you need to be doing next?" Keep asking until you hear or see the answer.

Start with "When" to perfectly handle requests that are not appropriate at the moment. "When you have done your homework we can talk about the weekend." "When you wake up in the morning you can have your keys back."

Show understanding, but set up a plan, without judgment. Your child failed a test and did not tell you. " We will go talk to the teacher and find out what you need to do to bring your grade up." Some kids keep school issues undercover, lying to parents rather than disappointing or angering them. They are more likely to keep you informed if they feel they will not be judged.

Handle slacking off. "OK, let's go from here." No lectures. Just go forward.

Reframe. When your child is down on himself, give him an encouraging phrase to replace the discouragement. "I will do this the best I can and that is that."

State your feelings calmly though you want to explode. "I'm too angry to talk right now, I need some time."and exit the scene. Don't worry about what is going on behind you until you compose yourself and are ready to get back into it.

Two Essential Tips for Successful Short Specific Statements

Notice if your tone of voice escalates as you work harder to get your point heard and heeded. If so, you are giving your child the message you feel yourself losing ground. Make your statement as neutral as you would say, "Please pass the potatoes" and practice if you must, to be sure your voice and body language come across just as unflappable.

Stick to your statement and no other words! This is where you will trip up. If you expect your child to take some action as a result of your statement, repeat it and nothing else. If you feel you have repeated it enough, exit the scene for a while.

Make up your personal list of resourceful SSS's and see how much simpler it gets!

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

The Old And The New

Writen by HPriya Sivan

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. "Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me." "Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."

This is a joke doing its rounds on how the new generation gap has taken shape!

The friction between the young and old exists for ages. The joint family concept had the elders putting the flame off now and then. The younger generation of those days had to meekly submit to the advice of the elders and worked themselves up to success. But of late the nuclear family consists of the parents and maximum two children these days – the office goers, career oriented fathers and mothers have rarely little time to spend with their children. The children are forced to make independent decisions right or wrong.

This kind of generation gap happens more when the children grow up and the son gets married. Nowadays the parenting concept accepts only parents and not the grandparents. The competitive world makes the parents concentrate more on their children who have to mould their career and settle in life rather than spend time for their old parents who are becoming more and more dependent on their children as they grow older.

The old parents being alive are considered to be a burden. The son is more enthusiastic about giving the best to his children and wants them to compete with their peers. He does not want to lose control over them and certainly feels that there should be a set pattern in bringing up his children.

The grandparents now feel that their son who had been so obedient and submissive now ignores him and does not allow grandchildren to play with them. The son in turn feels that his parents do not know anything of technological advancement and their son in turn should cope up with the latest technologies and not waste time in playing with grandparents. They would prefer their children playing on the computers rather than the grandparents.

Has the new generation gap, which is emerging now, taken a turn to disregard the elders? Or should the older persons step down and adjust to the new developments?

Hpriya Sivan

Let Your Child Get Dirty Its Essential For Physical And Mental Development

Writen by Charles Kassotis

Are you still following your child around worrying that they might stain their clothes? Do you forbid playing outside because they might get dirty? Do you see germs and infections in every step they take? Are you trying to keep away friendly dogs or cute kittens because they might be disease carriers?

Do any of the sentences above represent your attitude towards your child? If yes, you must reconsider. Depriving your child of physical contact with the "Dirty, Outside World" is bad for its health. Sound unbelievable? How can something full of germs be essential for a kid's development?

First of all, your child, in the delicate years between childhood and puberty, develops its immune system. The immune system is designed to defend the organism against millions of bacteria, microbes, parasites, viruses and toxins. But it needs to be trained; just us muscles need exercise to function properly. In order to recognize harmful germs, it needs to meet them first. Then it creates an archive, where it is all installed. When the time comes for a fight, the immune system will be prepared because it knows the enemy. Pure exposure to various microorganisms and other environmental factors leads to pure immune resistance. That means, that the child will be less susceptible to disease later in life. So, don't exaggerate in hygiene matters. Let your child's immune system harden, with the help of dirt.

Your child needs also to be active, run around and feel happy playing outside. Worrying about stains will make the child feel guilty about activities that make it happy. You cannot replace that happiness with clean clothes, or with indoor inactive activities such us TV or video games. This is especially true during the school year. Imagine being seated in a chair while experiencing growth and energy spurts! Getting loose outside home will help the child deal with that pressure.

Don't underestimate your kids' explorative skills. By exploring –not the house of course- it discovers the world. Exploration boosts the imagination as well as creativity, social and physical skills. Well-developed physical skills result in a healthy body. Creativity will bring adaptability, and social skills will bring success and mental health. All those will eventually turn an active child, into a lively, successful healthy adult.

Let friendly animals approach your child. They won't hurt it; they will be of benefit. By keeping animals away you teach your child to do the same. Have you considered having a pet? Children raised with pets show many benefits. Developing positive feelings about pets can contribute to a child's self-esteem and self-confidence. Your child will develop trusting relationships with others much easier. A good relationship with a pet can also help in developing non-verbal communication, compassion, and empathy.

Finally, how important do you think memories are? Memories are moments of our lives, forming our personality. What would you like your child to remember from its childhood memories? Clean, germ-free clothes? Or shiny days outside, filled with laughter and a sense of adventure?

Are you still afraid of dirt? No need to be, after all, dirt is health! So, let your child go and play outside, loose in the dirt. Join in if you get jealous, you might want to get a little dirty too!

Learn How to Remove Grass and Dirt Stains from Your Active Childs Clothing, Easily and Safely. Visit Stainremovalinfo.com at http://www.stainremovalinfo.com

Where Are The Family Bathrooms

Writen by Gavin Mannion

I have 2 wonderful little girls, my eldest being 3 and my youngest turning 2 next month. One of my favourite things to do with my kids is to take them shopping over the weekend. I enjoy the time I have with them and it gives my wife a break which is always required as kids can be very hard work.

Potty Training

My eldest is now fully potty trained which is a fantastic thing at home and when we go around to friends and parents places but it became a problem for me personally when going shopping.

The first time I took her shopping after being nearly potty trained I was at Builders Warehouse in Strubens Valley looking for bathroom fittings. Now shopping with little children as you know can be quite an experience and is not the easiest way to shop. So after being at BW for about an hour my daughter turns to me and says she needs a wee. Now anyone who has been through potty training will understand that this little statement does not mean "Can we find a bathroom now?" it means "Run as fast as your little legs will take you because you have about 30 seconds before I explode".

Disabled Bathroom

Which is all well and good at home because I know where the bathrooms are, in BW I luckily knew where the bathrooms where but as I turned the corner and was faced with the little man or little lady sign everything fell apart.... What do I do? Do I take her into the male bathroom where there are urinals and they are generally not so clean. Or do I take her into the female bathroom and get faced with the looks of shock and horror that I would have expected from the women already in there?

Then I saw the disabled bathroom... Great a reprieve from this current disaster. So now I know what to look for, easy enough.

Family Bathroom

The next week I was at Clearwater Mall in Strubens Valley when the same thing happened again. Off I ran to the central toilets looking for the disabled sign and was happily greeted with a Family Bathroom sign.

This room was very nice, it was clean and tidy. It had a changing area for my youngest and two toilets. An adult sized one and a kids one. I was so impressed with this discovery that every time I went shopping after that I ended up at either Builders Warehouse or Clearwater.

Oh-No

Then about 4 weeks ago I was back at Clearwater and now just walking quickly to the Family Bathroom, my daughter has got better at holding now, I turn the corner and the sign is gone? I must have taken a wrong turn so I went back and looked down the next passage... Still nothing.

After walking around for about 5 minutes I decided it was about time to look for the disabled bathroom. This is when that initial terror of a few weeks ago hit again. The disabled bathrooms are situated inside the normal bathrooms.... Now I am standing outside the males and females bathrooms in a packed shopping center with my two daughters and a shopping trolley...

What to do

I had two choices and with the fact that my wife always complains about the cues in the ladies I decided to go into the male bathroom. Stuck in a relatively clean bathroom with my youngest trying to see what all those men are doing at the urinals and my eldest needing to get onto a toilet, which needed cleaning, I ended up jamming the trolley into the cubical whilst wiping the toilet and blocking my youngest eyes.

I was horrified...

Conclusion

I now only take my daughters to places where I know if there is a family bathroom AND a disabled bathroom so for now Clearwater is off my list again . I have emailed them and am waiting for a reply. I will update this article when a reply is received just to let you know what they say.

In this modern world where dads are expected to be a large part of their children's life you would think large shopping centers and family restaurants, don't get me started on SPUR, would cater for parents with different sex kids. As I can only presume moms with 5-8 year old boys have the same problem.

If you know of any good shopping centers in the Randburg - Sandton - Roodepoort area that cater for modern dads please leave me a message so I can try them out.

This being my first venture into Internet writing any feedback would be appreciated.

Well I am very happy to report that Clearwater Mall has responded to my enquiry. The family bathroom is now being repaired and will be functional again this coming weekend the 19th of August 2006.

I wish to thank Clearwater Mall and specifically Elsabe Griesel for the prompt response to my enquiry and am looking forward to taking my daughters back to Clearwater again in the near future.

Cheers, Gavin Mannion

www.mommies.co.za

Gavin Mannion is a software developer by day and a daddy by 24/7. I have no qualifications in regard to being a parent apart from that I am one. I speak from the heart. I generally write my articles for http://www.mommies.co.za a place for South African parents to speak their mind.

Parenting Discipline

Writen by Michael Grose

Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes most parents feel uncomfortable. Some of those old disciplinary phrases such as 'spare the rod and spoil the child', 'teach them a lesson' or 'set children straight' are enough to send shivers up the spine of any reasonable-minded parent.

Discipline for the majority of the twentieth century was adult-centred and relied heavily on punishment as a way of keeping children on the right track. Discipline was based on the principle of severity and terms such as punishment, obedience and compliance were commonly used.

Corporal punishment was used in schools and smacking and variations of that theme were the general tools of trade used at home. Rewards and positive reinforcement for good behaviour were usually kept for the behaving children rather than used as a mechanism to encourage better behaviour in more difficult children.

The last few decades have seen some dramatic shifts in discipline that reflect very much the social changes that have occurred. In countries such as the United States, United Kingdom and Australia discipline has swung between a very child-centred approach where it seems parents forgot that they were the adults in the parent-child relationship through to the use of parent-focused techniques that place control firmly in the hands of parents. The use of praise and a reliance on reward systems to promote appropriate behaviour are the hallmarks of these child-centred approaches.

Despite the variety of approaches available parents commonly struggle to get discipline right. Recent Australian research shows that 58 per cent of parents struggle to find the appropriate approach to disciplining their children. Most want to use different discipline techniques than their parents yet exactly which approach to use is a dilemma. As the same cohort rated developing positive attachments and good relationships with their children as their highest priority I suspect many parents are concerned with being friends to their children and tend to avoid those sticky discipline issues. Evidence from other parts of the world suggests that Australians are not the only parents who struggle to find an appropriate approach to discipline.

While the type of discipline parents use should reflect the times in which they live it is also useful to look to children and their needs. While society has changed significantly over the last few decades children and their developmental needs haven't altered much.

Children develop best in a stable environment where they are valued, loved and listened to. They prefer an orderly environment rather than a chaotic one. And they need someone in that environment who will help them learn to be safe and sociable. This is where discipline comes in.

Children in their first few years of life are hard work for any parent. This age group experience massive physical development that is not matched by the same rate of intellectual maturation. Children around the age of eighteen to thirty months are a little like international airports – massive amounts of activity but with relatively small control towers. They need parents who adopt a patient yet varied approach to discipline so that they learn to become sociable, stay safe and gradually take responsibility for their behaviour without having their spirit squashed.

Children in the 2-3 year age group present the most challenges to parents behaviourally, with the 11-14 year age group coming a close second. It is not surprising that these two ages present most difficulty to parents, as both are significant transitions stages with children in both age groups pushing their parents hard in the pursuit of greater independence.

Evidence suggests that parents of young children need to adopt a real-life approach to discipline that is heavy on teaching rather than the punitive stuff. My own work with families suggests that those parents who base their discipline on the twin principles of consistency and prevention have generally well-behaved kids and positive relationships as well.

The notion of consistency is the biggest challenge modern parents face. Dr. Sal Severe author of the recently published book for parents "How To Behave So Your Children Will Too" says, "Consistency is the most important element in a child's relationship with their parents." He is on the money. Children need parental consistency as it gives them a sense of security and control.

Consistency means parents dealing with the little misbehaviours and not letting them grow into bigger behaviours. It means parents following through and allowing children to experience a consequence when they misbehave. It also means that both parents in a dual parent relationship have a similar approach to behaviours. Children learn from a young age to play one parent off against each other when they standards differ.

But consistency is hard these days. Consistency, like routines, is often sacrificed by busy working parents and put in the 'too hard basket'. When parents are tired, stretched and overworked the last thing they want to do is engage in a battle with children over what are sometimes petty issues. Besides consistency can make a well-meaning parent who values relationships feel downright awful.

But giving in rather than being consistent and holding ground is not a smart long-term strategy. Kids learn quickly how far they can push a parent before they give in. If you give in occasionally they will learn that if they push you hard enough and long enough you will cave in. So consistency is about being strong and holding your ground. That is hard work because Australian research reveals that the average garden-variety child will push parental boundaries about 30per cent of the time and more difficult kids push your boundaries twice that much.

But what can parents do when young children are less than perfect? Smacking is one alternative but not one recommended by this writer. Most current studies indicate that parents generally don't view smacking as a suitable method of discipline for young children, however many reluctantly admit to reverting to this method on occasions. Smacking is generally ineffective in terms of reducing misbehaviour over the long-term. In some cases, it exacerbates aggressive behaviour in young children as they learn that it is okay to use physical means to resolve problems when you have the power to do so. The notion of 'it is okay to smack if it is a little smack' holds no water. It is either a smack or not. There is no middle ground.

So if smacking is out, what's in? Timeout is a good alternative, but often misused. Timeout is effective if used to either break a young child's pattern of behaviour or interrupt a deteriorating situation. A small amount of time spent in his or her room has saved many a child's hide and his parents' sanity as they both have time to calm down. Those parents who use time-out as a punishment or a deterrent usually end up frustrated when they enter their child's room only to find him happily playing with toys. Timeout is a poor punishment but effective in helping to restore calm and giving children an opportunity to reflect.

Effective discipline with young children involves a refusal by adults to become involved in the behaviour games that they can play. Children don't act in a vacuum. They will keep those behaviours that work in terms of getting attention or some other pay-off and drop those behaviours that are ignored. So when a young child receives a long-winded reprimand from his mother as he purposely wriggles while she changes his nappy he is learning a great way to keep her busy. Similarly, a child who continuously stands up and sits down while he is being bathed is working out how he can have some fun at his mother and father's expense.

In both cases, it would be effective if the parent involved simply made the child safe and didn't respond verbally to the situation. Children in those cases generally learn that their parents are not engaging in the game they are making so they will try other ways to get some attention. However, it takes some children a while to understand so parents need to persist with their approach. Kids can't learn if we are giving them different signals – sometimes ignoring, sometimes laughing and sometimes punishing for the same behaviour.

The language a parent uses with young children can make a huge difference. Those parents who use the language of coercion and spend a great deal of time telling children what they want them to do will generally meet with a child who refuses to cooperate. Effective parents avoid over talking at the point of misbehaviour and don't try to fight children on every battlefront.

Effective discipline of young children involves more than simply applying the right technique or strategy to match a situation. If it was that simple then dog owners would teach us a great deal about gaining cooperation from kids. "Be consistent, praise the good stuff; teach one behaviour at a time and growl at bad behaviour" is the appropriate approach for our four-legged friends. If we want perfectly obedient kids then we know the formula.

Therein lies the dilemma. We need to raise cooperative kids capable of making their own decisions, to be considerate of others and generally survive as adults. This takes time and considerable teaching and patience, not to mention the use of routines, good parental behaviour for children to copy and the opportunity for children to find a place through contribution rather than misbehaviour.

The idea of healthy relationships lies at the heart of effective discipline. Kids will only cooperate in the long term if they feel their parents are fair, care for them and have their best interests at heart. Parenting by remote control or from a distance just won't cut it with many children.

The high priority parents place on healthy relationships with children is not compromised by the need to teach them appropriate, safe and socially acceptable behaviour. In fact, good discipline and a good parent-child relationship go hand-in-hand. Parents who don't have a firm backbone generally find that their children show them little respect, which is a recipe for relationship disaster. Discipline maybe misunderstood these days but there is no mistake about its importance for children and parents.

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.

For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

Mommy Burnout 6 Ways To Lose It

Writen by Carrie Lauth

Feeling burnout as a Mom is very common. It does not mean that you are failing as a Mom. It's mostly due to the isolation that a lot of Moms face in our culture, as well as the overscheduling and overwork that a lot of us deal with.

Here are 6 things you can do to prevent burnout and treat it if it comes up.

• Find your tribe

Find a support group of like minded Moms. There are neighbors, people you worship with, family, Moms at storytime, the park, or anywhere else Moms hang out. It's extremely important for Moms to have a social network. Talk about your feelings with someone who won't judge you, and return the favor. Spend time with good friends, and don't forget to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

• Set boundaries

Setting good boundaries isn't just about limits with your kids. Boundaries are something that protect you from being overburdened with other people's responsibilities. Learn to say no to things that don't honor your values, and don't overextend yourself.

• Lose the guilt

Don't feel like you're a bad Mom because you feel burnout from time to time. In fact, you are probably a very conscientious Mom who is neglecting her own needs! Be as forgiving and empathic with yourself as you are with your kids, and remember, when you take care of your own needs, you're in better shape to care for your family. It's kind of like when the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first in case of emergency!

• Take care of your body

Eating poorly leads to fatigue and stress. Nurture your body with healthy foods and avoid excessive caffeine and sugar, which only deplete you.

Exercise is also very important because it helps you deal with stress and floods your body with endorphins, the "feel good hormones". Don't make excuses! Get moving for 20 minutes a day. It doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. Walking is one of the best exercises you can do.

Exercise is also good for the kids because it helps them discharge excess energy that they may have from being inside too much.

Spending some time every day in the sun is also a good idea. Sunlight improves mood and helps you sleep better.

• Take a break

Nurture yourself every single day in small ways. Take a hot bath by yourself. Go outside for a few minutes and breathe deeply. Say your prayers, journal, pursue a hobby that you love. Even if all you can do are 5 minute increments, take the time!

• Focus on what's truly important

If you're feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself that the most important things on your to do list are your children, not the dishes or the dusty blinds. Put everything aside for 15 minutes and just play with your kids. Have fun, laugh together, spend time in nature together, and enjoy life. The rest can wait. Kids have a way of growing up despite us. And keep hugging those babies!

Carrie Lauth is a Mom of 4 and the host of http://www.NaturalMomsTalkRadio.com. For more information on having more fun as a Mom, visit: http://www.MomsWisdom.com

Teaching Patriotism To Our Children

Writen by Steven Coffman

Since September 11, 2001 Independence Day for the United States on July 4th has been especially poignant. While there has been a surge in patriotism, we all need to maintain a sense of pride and love for our country whether we are at war or in peace time.

Children need to feel a sense of belonging too, in their family, their classrooms and in their country. They will thrive in an environment of respect, compassion and stability. If we as parents teach our kids to love, honor, show compassion and respect for their country as well as for their fellow man, they will not only be graced by a sense of patriotism, they will become better citizens, and in turn role models for our future generations.

One of our greatest challenges as parents is to raise our children to be honorable and respectful adults. Adopting a path of patriotism is a good reinforcement for them to show honor and a sense of ethics.

Our babies learn kindness at first from our gentle touch; they also learn self-esteem by our praise and respect. They mostly learn these living examples from their parents and at school. We are responsible for teaching them to respect and be kind to others, regardless of our differences. We are also responsible for teaching them to keep their community clean, and to trust that their country will defend and protect them as best it can. I truly believe they should be taught to revere their country's flag and all it stands for as well.

Children should be taught that, while it might be "legal" to burn their country's flag as an expression of individual freedom, they would be hard-pressed to get this past Mom and Dad if they ever entertained the idea! This is the posture that a good parent should adopt.

Children need to know they are a very large and integral part of their country's make up. They are the future parents and government that will uphold the morals and ethics inherited from their parents and grandparents.

Is it too much to ask that our children be patriotic, actively show patriotism, honor their flag, and stand up for what's right and good about their country? I don't think so.

It is our job to instill a sense of honor and patriotism in their young hearts, offering them the opportunity to love and honor their country and its flag. In doing so, their actions will be seen as a good example for their country to show mankind and the world.

As much as we want our children to love their country, we also need to recognize the importance of global relationships in today's world. Setting good examples of patriotism should, in turn, teach our kids that every person counts, no matter where they live, or who they might be, or what country they represent.

We at Family-eStore try to provide you with articles of interest to a Patriotic way of life. Some of the Patriotic articles are written by me Steven E Coffman "Owner" of Family eStore. These Patriotic articles are only intended to show pride and patriotism to our land of the free and home of the brave, (The United States of America). I hope that you enjoy and are enlightened by them.

Managing Your Stepfamily

Writen by Garrett Coan

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know how difficult it can be to integrate all of the new members and adjust to the new boundaries and rules. The following ideas may help you make a successful transition during this challenging process.

Have patience. Establishing new families takes time. Just because you love your new partner, it is unrealistic to think that you will automatically love his or her children. It is equally unrealistic to expect that your new partner's children will instantly love you. It can be difficult to accept that even though you wish to have a relationship with your stepchildren, they may not be ready for a relationship with you.

Expect to adjust. With proper help and guidance, children can recover from family disruption. All children experience a difficult adjustment period following a divorce or remarriage.

It takes time, patience, and perhaps some professional assistance, but most children are able to regain their emotional bearings. It is critical that the adults manage their own emotional recovery in order to help the children adjust without trauma.

If you are part of a part-time stepfamily, you may need a longer adjustment period. All relationships take time to grow and develop. When stepchildren see you less often, you have less time to get to know each other. This is why it may take a part-time stepfamily longer to move through the adjustment process.

Don't expect your new family to be like your first family. If you expect that your stepfamily will be just like the family of your first marriage, you are setting yourself up for frustration. Your new family will have its own unique identity and will evolve in its own special way.

Expect confusion. Forming a stepfamily is a confusing time for everyone. Think about how confusing it is for a child to become part of two new families. All of the family members—parents and children—must learn to understand the new structure and learn to navigate the boundaries.

Allow time for grieving. Stepfamilies begin with an experience of loss, and everyone needs to grieve. The adults' losses are not the same as those of the children, and both must be respected. Adults grieve the following losses:

• The loss of a partner

• The loss of a marriage relationship

• Lost dreams of the way they thought it would be

• They must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death (moving to a new house, starting a new job, adjusting to changes in lifestyle, etc.)

Children grieve, too. Their losses are usually different from those of their parents:

• They may now be living with one parent instead of two.

• They may have less time with one or both parents during times of dating and remarriage.

• There may be less stability in their homes.

• They must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death. (They may have a new place to live and go to a new school; they may have lost friends in this process.)

• They have lost the fantasy of how they wanted their family to be.

Children have an especially difficult time resolving their grief when their parents are hostile with one another, when one or both of their parents remarry, and if they have trouble accepting their new stepparents.

Acknowledge the absent parent. When one of the original parents is absent, the children need a special kind of understanding. An absent parent (who has died or who lives elsewhere and doesn't visit) is part of a child's past. The child must be allowed to have memories of this parent. The children who have access to both of their parents are those who adjust the best to divorce. They should be allowed to regularly speak with, visit, and write to their noncustodial parent.

Help the kids fit in. Children of stepfamilies belong to two households. It is understandable that they have questions about where they fit in. They are usually able to adjust to having two sets of rules as long as they are not asked to choose which is better.

Be clear about the rules. Ideally, both sets of parents should discuss the family rules and what will happen if rules are broken. When the adults agree on the rules, they should explain them to the children. Most successful stepfamilies have learned that the rules should be decided together in the beginning, and that the biological parent should do the explaining and disciplining. The stepparent may have more involvement after the relationships with the stepchildren have been established. All of this works best when the parents can agree to be flexible and cooperative with one another. This may be difficult immediately following a divorce or remarriage, but it is important to work toward this objective.

Educate yourselves and seek emotional support. Read books about managing stepfamilies, attend classes, and participate in stepfamily support groups. Seek the help of an experienced mental health professional to help you through the rough spots. Marriage and Family Therapists have specific skills and training for working with families and stepfamilies.

Give the kids their own space. Make physical space available for the children who don't live with you. Children need a sense of belonging. Creating a room or section of a room for visiting children will help them feel like part of your family.

Expect them to think it's temporary. Accept the fact that your children may expect you and their other parent to reconcile. They may fantasize that your new relationship with your partner is only temporary. This is especially true in the beginning. Find a time to sit down with the children and explain that when two people are unable to live together anymore, it doesn't mean they love their children any less. This is especially important for the parent who has moved away, since the children will inevitably feel a sense of rejection.

Expect resentment. No matter how good a parent you are, you will never be the biological parent of your stepchildren. It is natural for a stepchild to feel some resentment for you, especially when you are setting limits for their behavior.

Show the children love. Sometimes children need love the most at a time when it is the most difficult to give it to them. While bad behavior should never be rewarded, always praise children when they are behaving well.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

Why Is Tuition Not Helping Your Children In Their Studies

Writen by Alvin Poh Hee Kwang

Since I started working in the educational industry, I got many opportunities to talk to parents and to know about the various concerns parents have for their children in term of schools and education.

It is no surprise that many parents today (especially in Singapore) engage tutors to give their children tuition. In fact, I know of many children having private tuition for many years. And there are parents spending $200 to $400 each month just on tuition for their children.

That's a lot of money, isn't it? It is no surprise that the private tuition industry in Singapore is a million dollar business every year.

Having said that, many parents whom I have spoken to, very openly shared with me that their children's school results do not seem to improve in spite of the tuition.

In fact for some of them, their school results actually deteriorate as they move higher in the education system. These parents feel quite discouraged too. They really want to do something to help their children to improve; however other than engaging tutors for their children, they just don't know what else they can do. And ironically, tuition does not help them and they are spending so much money on it.

Personally I have nothing against tuition. On the contrary, I truly believe that tuition can be helpful for students who have a weak foundation in the subject. With the guidance from good tutors, these students can build their foundation and they can progress with more confidence and achieve better grades.

Having said that, why are so many children not doing well in their school despite having private tuition?

In fact, one parent told me recently that her son who is now in Secondary 4, has private tuition in Math since the beginning of Primary 3 - and that's a total of 7 years. And during these 7 years, the family has spent around $10,000 just on Math tuition alone. And the result is - his grade before the tuition is 51% while in Primary 3 and in last year's final year exams (i.e. in Secondary 3), her son's Math result is 59.5%. A mere of improvement of only 8.5% over the 7-year period!

There are a few possible reasons why students are not doing well despite having tuition at home. However there are two very important and common reasons to this issue but are unknown to many parents, teachers and students. They are:

1. Students are not aware of what they don't know

The beginning of true wisdom is to learn the art of knowing what you don't know. Exams result is simply a reflection of what we know and don't know about a specific subject. For example, if a student scores 40% for his math exams, what this means is that he has yet to understand 60% of his math work. The way to improve his grade is to know what are the things that he still doesn't know, and then look for ways to help him learn and understand those things. Once he can do that, he will be able to answer all the questions and hence improve his grade.

Unfortunately many students do not know what they don't know about the subject that they are learning. Hence regardless of how much time they spend studying for the subject or how much tuition they take, as long as their learning is not addressing the things that they don't know, they are not going to improve.

2. Students are not using the right learning techniques to help them learn the content

Attending lessons in school and going for tuition class have one thing in common. That is, students are learning the content of the subject. Although our students progress from one level to the next in the education system, majority of them are not taught the learning techniques to help them understand and absorb those content that the teachers and tutors expect them to learn.

Without the right learning techniques, no matter how much content we pile up on our children, they simply do not have ability to absorb them.

Most of our students only know one learning technique - rote learning i.e. learning by repetition. Rote learning is bad because using this method, students are simply memorising, but without much understanding. Hence that is why they are not able to store the information in their longer term memory that will help them do well in their exams.

The key to helping student to improve their school results is to first equip them with advanced learning techniques that not only help them commit the information into their long term memory, understand the concepts and able to recall the information from their sub-conscious mind whenever it is required. And these can only be achieved by making the learning process fun, enjoyable and easy for the brain.

Article by Alvin Poh, founder of Learning Champ, a parenting wesbite that provides information and resources to parents, who want to help their children develop the important skills and mind set for a brighter future -> http://www.learningchamp.com

Tips For Parents Of Teenagers Dont Just Survive Thrive

Writen by Sue Blaney

What makes parenting so challenging at times? One widespread research study reports that feeling "unprepared" tops the list for many parents' causes of dissatisfaction. And parents of teenagers, in particular, may feel this acutely as so many changes converge at once: adolescents are changing in every conceivable way while they often push parents away in their search for individuality. That this often happens during parents' own mid-life changes only adds to the poignancy of this period in a family's life.

So how can parents prepare for this dynamic journey? Here are some tips:

Learn about adolescent development

You probably read about babies before your first child was born. You had a pretty fair idea about developmental time frames – when he would see you in focus, when she would begin to crawl, etc. Adolescents are, in many ways, changing as dramatically as they were as small babies – and yet many parents don't make the time to learn about what is happening developmentally to their teenager. Information and knowledge will shed light on this puzzle, and it will enhance your understanding and your ability to provide support.

Here's an example: Teenagers may look like adults, but they are not. Their brains are still under development, which causes them to be more impulsive, more spontaneous and developmentally not ready to foresee the consequences of their actions. Knowing this - and knowing that developmentally they are not ready for certain levels of responsibility- can help you better manage your expectations and your relationship.

Put YOU into the equation

The issues that really get intense for parents aren't always about the teenager – sometimes, parental issues are at the heart of the situation, and adults need to be able to separate this out and view the situation objectively. Remember, you are changing and developing too, and redefining the nature of your relationship with your teenager can bring up issues for you. It is imperative that parents examine themselves, their behavior, objectives and beliefs in the context of their family dynamics.

It is too easy to be habitual in our responses to children. Yet, you can see the growth and changes that are occurring with your teenagers – they are changing in dramatic ways. It stands to reason, then, that parents need to examine the rules, roles and relationships to make sure they're adjusting for all this change. That requires self-examination.

Talk to your peers

Many parents find themselves feeling alone, and in their alone-ness they lose the ability to see the similarities in their experiences with those of other parents. There is so much you can gain by talking to other people in the same situation you are in. In sharing with others you gain additional perspective, and you are likely to see things in a new light. You may find others who have walked your road and who found other, or better, ways to address similar situations. Allow yourself to learn from them. Develop these friendships and make time to connect with them. Think of it as your own support network where "getting prepared" is one of the beneficial outcomes.

Find the humor

Have you ever noticed how humor can make tension instantly melt away? Some parents just tend to take things too seriously. Consciously look for the humor in situations because it allows you to create an environment of lightness and an attitude where communication is likely to be enhanced. Used appropriately, humor is a tool and a friend.

Take care of yourself

Sacrificing yourself to your children's needs serves nobody – certainly not you, and it actually does a disservice to kids. They benefit from seeing parents as strong, fulfilled individuals who take good care of themselves, and you need nothing less if you are to thrive and grow.

Dr. Laurence Steinberg in his book Crossing Paths; How Your Child's Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis says that the parents who thrive during their child's adolescence have genuine and fulfilling interests outside of their parenting role. There is room for family life and career or other outside interests, and those who thrive are people who have both in balance.

Be open to learn from others.

Every day parents are given opportunities to prepare and to learn to be better as parents. Yet many times adults squander the opportunities put in front of us. It's easy to criticize how others handle situations with their teenagers, but if instead, you ask the question "what would I do in that situation?" you can create opportunities to prepare yourself for what you may face. Parents of teenagers are likely to find themselves in situations that are unpredictable. Sometimes kids do crazy things. But if you get in the habit of promoting open-mindedness, and of asking questions and getting facts before you react, you will behave in ways that don't embarrass you during a time of crisis. Parents can develop their own strategies by asking themselves "what would I do?"

Get involved in your child's school life and social life Some parents pull away from their kids during adolescence. Granted, this may seem like what your teen is asking for, but it's not. The character of your involvement may change during this time, but by all means stay connected in meaningful ways. One big way is to know your child's friends. This not only brings pleasure into your life, but it allows you to know more about your child, and from a different perspective.

There's a lot about this stage in a family's life that can create pressure and challenges. Probably only a few escape without a scar or two. It is also a time that is ripe with opportunities for growth for parents - so don't be left behind. There is opportunity for you to thrive as you grow, too.

Sue Blaney Copyright 2004

Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride and Practical Tips for Parents of Young Teens; What You Can Do to Enhance Your Child's Middle School Years. As a communications professional and the parent of two teenagers, she speaks frequently to parents and schools about parenting issues, improving communications and creating parent discussion groups. Visit our website at http://www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com

Is Your Preschooler Gifted

Writen by Marilynn McLachlan

Giftedness is being identified with increasing frequency as more people come to understand what giftedness is. Most children will be identified as gifted during the school years, but gifted children are 'different' than the norm, even from the youngest age. While there are many checklists and observational scales to help identify preschool giftedness, there are ten key behaviours that most gifted preschoolers will display.

They need little sleep!
While many people think that toddlers need to sleep twelve hours a night, research confirms that most babes will wake up several times a night – this is normal!

For parents of a gifted preschooler, the pressures are even harder. These children do not need the same amount of sleep as the average child. The difference here, though, is that if the baby or toddler is given minor stimulation (a book, a song, a few toys) they will be content. That is, if they are distressed parents will need to look for another reason for their wakefulness. So, a gifted baby or toddler will be awake but happy.

Demanding of attention!
Here, again, all babies and toddlers will demand attention! They rely on parents to keep them informed of what is going on around them. The difference here is that gifted preschoolers will demand to observe and participate in the world. They may be happy as long as they are propped up, being spoken to and able to absorb everything that is going on around them.

Speech either develops early, or very late (after the age of three)! Gifted babies and preschoolers tend not to fit into the normal pattern of language development. They are either speaking remarkably well (such as fifty words by age one and sentences well before two) or they develop their speech later. This late development of speech has been attributed to many of our society's greats – such as Einstein. What often happens, however, is that these children start talking spontaneously and very well! They have been so focused on observing and absorbing their world that they almost seem to erupt into language.

Very sensitive – to other people's pain, to their environment. From the youngest age, gifted children appear to feel very deeply. They care if there is an argument or if they accidentally kill an insect. They are extremely aware of their environment and are sensitive to color, to sound, and organization.

Marches to their own drum – meaning they don't appear to 'fit in' with other children their age. It can be very confusing to the parent whose child seems to stand out as different. Because they develop differently, they may appear to be emotionally immature (but this may just be a reflection of their extreme sensitivity), or they may be speaking extremely well while their motor skills lag behind. Some parents report that their child develops motor skills at a very fast rate – they are lifting their head and looking around from birth. This kind of difference can be the source of bewilderment to parents! It may be hard to relate to other parents or to share what your child is doing for fear of 'showing off'.

Very observant!
Gifted children do not miss a beat! These children know everything that is going on around them and often will often seek to know something in greater detail. For example, they may not be content to sit and watch TV – they want to know what each and every button is for. They may pull things apart (much to a parent's angst, if it's something important!) They want to know all about that flower pot, what soil tastes like and what that beautiful flower feels like.

Great memory!
These children remember so much – from language (and they use long 'adult' words) to what you said a week ago, to something they did a year ago.

Excellent concentration!
While gifted preschoolers are demanding of attention, once they find something they are interested in, they will sit still and totally concentrate on their finding. Often young children will pick up something and put it down after a few minutes and move onto something else. These children will sit for an hour or more, completely absorbed – whether it be a book they are interested in or a piece of art work or working out how your remote control works.

Bored with repetitive games and toys!
They may not care what other children are doing, so absorbed in whatever adventure they are engaged in at any given moment. They may not like 'toys' as such, preferring to do things that are beyond most other toddlers. Any expensive toys that tell your child how to play will move to the side even quicker than other children! Because they 'get' things so quickly, they find it a waste of time to spend their hours doing something they understand.

Good sense of humour!
Combined with their sensitivity is a great sense of humour – often at an adult level! They can play drama games and tell jokes, make up their own jokes and enjoy life with a beautiful belly laugh that delights all around them!

Marilynn McLachlan, author of 'The NEW Parent Code', Penguin Books, 2005. She is the founder of http://www.generationxparenting.com, Cynical, Creative and Conscious. Sign up for her free monthly e-zine and get parenting information you can use - subscribe@generationxparenting.com For further information about what to do if you think your preschooler may be gifted, visit http://www.generationxparenting.com

Choosing A Boarding School

Writen by Leon Chaddock

Do you have plans to choose a boarding school for your youngster or your young adult? If you do, there are several things that you should take into consideration prior to sending them off. While there are likely to be many schools that interest you right off the bat, you should realize that there is a need for the school to deliver to you certain standards in quality of education and discipline. While every parent has a different reason for sending their child to a boarding school, each parent likely has a different expectation in the school as well.

In order to choose the right one for your child, you should take the time to research several boarding schools. You should look at what they can do for your child and how well your child's personality will fit into their mold. It is important to insure that the beliefs and practices that you want your child exposed to are present in the school. Likewise, it is important to understand the school's ultimate goals for your child.

Ask questions about discipline, learning objectives, how the learning process takes place, and what physical activity they will provide your child with. Understand how your child will be punished for poor behavior and how they will be rewarded for good. Realize how well the school fits into your religious beliefs as well.

The combination of all of these elements will help you to provide the right boarding school for your child. You can begin your search on the web as many of these schools provide a complete guide to the school right on their websites. Learning about the schools can help you to choose those that you want to visit and then choose. When it comes to choosing which one fits the best, find the one that serves your purposes the best and provides for your child's abilities s well.

for more information please see http://www.boarding-school-advice.co.uk

5 Ways To Zap Quotmommy Guiltquot

Writen by Lori Radun

I remember, almost 14 years ago, bringing my son Kai home from the hospital. We had borrowed an old car seat from someone we knew. I placed all 6 lbs 14 oz. of him into the car seat and suddenly burst into tears. The car seat was way too big for him. I really felt I had failed him. I mean what kind of mother doesn't know he needed an infant car seat? The sudden awareness that I didn't know what I was doing hit me like a ton of bricks. The nurses were gone and I was on my own.

From the moment you become pregnant until the day you or your child dies, you try to be the very best mom you can be to your children. It doesn't take long, however, before you make mistakes. Parenting doesn't go as planned. Your children do outrageous things. Accidents happen. Feelings get hurt. Children go down the wrong path. Your marriage struggles. And the feelings of guilt inevitably follow. It doesn't matter if your children are young or grown; motherhood guilt is always a struggle.

So how can you minimize those pesky, guilty feelings? Here are some helpful tips to help you zap the guilt and enjoy the journey of motherhood.

Stop Comparing Yourself and Your Children to Others

Is Kayla sitting up yet? When did Matthew start walking? My child knows all her colors and the whole alphabet and she's only two. Does your son play travel sports? What did your daughter get on the SAT test? My son is 28 and he is still not married. Comparing our children to other children is an easy trap to fall into. But it is not healthy for our children or us as moms because every child is different. They each have different strengths, weaknesses, developmental patterns and personalities. Let your children be who they are and avoid the comparison game.

Just like you shouldn't compare your children to other children, the same goes for you. Let go of any need you have to compare yourself to other moms. Todd Parr wrote a great children's book called "The Mommy Book". In this book, he talks about how all mommies are different. Some mommies like to cook and some like to order pizza. Some mommies work in tall office buildings and some work at home. I have a friend who is the epitome of June Cleaver. Almost all her meals are home cooked. She makes all her children's Halloween costumes. She is totally organized and structured with her children's school work and activities. If I compare myself to her, I am plagued with feelings of guilt. I make Hamburger Helper for my family, purchase all their Halloween costumes and I consistently fail at structure with my kids. But I'm still a great mom, and so is she. It's okay to be different.

Accept Your Limitations as Well as Your Children's

You don't have to be all things to your children and your children don't have to be all things to you. In other words, it's okay if you make mistakes. And your children deserve the same grace. One of the things I often struggle with is thinking I need to be my child's constant playmate. I have to be honest. Sometimes I don't feel like playing cars or looking at another car magazine. Sure, my child may feel disappointed if I say no, but it doesn't mean I am not being a good mother. I have my limits and I need to respect them. All moms have limits. When we go over our limits, we usually become irritable and short-tempered. Exceeding our limits can cause a vicious cycle of behaving in a way that makes us feel guilty.

Your children have limitations too. Just because a child has a bad day of misbehavior doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. While I was on vacation this past week, there were days that my 3-1/2 year old was a little monster. He was in time out constantly. Of course, all the other little children around were perfectly well behaved. At one point, I was exasperated and I asked my aunt, "What is wrong with him?" My aunt reassured me that he is fine - he's just being a kid. It's times like this that we often question our parenting. Sometimes I think it's helpful to just understand that motherhood has its good days and bad days and it has very little to do with our ability to parent our children.

Apologize When You Are Wrong

Let's face it. Sometimes we blow it. We say or do something to our child that we immediately regret. If this ever happens to you, apologize immediately. Our children then learn that we are human and we make mistakes. Children are very forgiving and forgiveness conquers guilt. There is nothing more humbling than being able to admit when we behaved in a way we know is wrong.

Right after we took the pacifier away from our preschooler, he decided he wasn't going to take naps. My son went from taking a 3 hour nap everyday to taking no nap at all. One day, after trying for several days and failing, I was insisting my son take a nap. I was tired and I needed a break more than he did. My little strong-willed boy was determined to stay awake. Not only was he refusing to sleep, he was also refusing to stay in his bed. His attitude was one of defiance and his fighting was wearing me down. After several attempts to make him nap, I lost my temper. I yelled at him and told him he was going to take a nap. In utter frustration and anger, I spanked him and stormed out of his bedroom.

The guilt smacked me in the face. I treated my son in a way I totally disagreed with. I don't believe in spanking, especially when one is angry. I immediately went to God and pleaded for forgiveness. Not only did I apologize to God, but I had a long heart to heart talk with my little guy. I told him how sorry I was and explained that I was angry. He told me he was mad too. We hugged and made up. I knew then I had been forgiven by both God and my son.

Don't Buy Into Others Attempts to Make You Feel Guilty

Everyone has their own set of rules and values they live by. Oftentimes, when people can't accept differences in other people, they impose their opinion, often resulting in attempts to instill guilt, conscious or not. At the end of the summer, I took a 3 day retreat to reenergize. I went to Door County by myself and had a wonderful time shopping, watching movies, reading, and sightseeing. Upon my return home, I was faced with disapproving remarks from my mother-in-law. She couldn't understand how I could go on a vacation by myself. I knew in my heart and soul that I did nothing wrong, despite how others might have viewed the retreat.

Children are really great at attempting to manipulate with guilt. They know our buttons and are very aware of what tugs on our heart. My teenager is very skilled at using guilt to try and get his way. He'll say, "I never get to do anything fun" or "You never spend any time with me". He knows that it's important to me that I spend time with him, so he uses that to pull on my heart strings. Stay strong and secure with who you are as a mother and these attempts to make you feel guilty will fall by the wayside.

We are Not Responsible for Everything our Children Do

Just because we gave birth to our children does not mean we are responsible for all their behaviors. Children have a mind of their own and often don't listen to the wisdom we give. We can be the best mom and our children will still make mistakes that take us by surprise. One evening I was babysitting my friend's little baby. The evening was going along just fine until I had to feed the baby. My 3 year old was sitting next to me, watching me spoon the barley cereal into the little guy's mouth. I was holding the bowl in one hand and the spoon in the other. Don't ask me what provoked my child, but in 1 second flat, he had smacked the bowl of cereal out of my hand. The bowl of cereal, on its way to the back of the couch, ricocheted off the baby's eyebrow, leaving a big bump on his head. Cereal was everywhere, including in the baby's eye. I now had a hysterical infant and a laughing preschooler. Call it jealousy, or call it curiosity, but I can assure you I never taught my child to behave like that. Although I was horrified by my child's behavior, I knew that I was not to blame for his outburst. I am his mom, and I am responsible for teaching him right from wrong, but I cannot always control how my children behave.

Unless you are severely neglecting your child or setting a very bad example for your children, there is no reason for you to feel guilt. God chose you to be the mother of your children, and He doesn't make mistakes. God does not expect you to be a perfect mother and he does not expect you to raise perfect children. So relax, have confidence, and enjoy the journey of motherhood.

Lori Radun, CEC - certified life coach for moms. To

get her FREE newsletter and the special report "155 Things Moms Can Do to

Raise Great Children", go to http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com

How To Entertain A Child While Working From A Home Office

Writen by Danielle Hollister

There is no doubt that the benefits of being a work-at-home parent outweigh the drawbacks. However, some days can prove to be difficult when your two year-old is determined to climb on top of your filing cabinet while you're trying to participate in an important conference call. Here are ten tips that can help make your life easier, and your little ones happier, while you work at home.

Set up a little desk for your tiny assistant in your home office, close enough for you to keep an eye on him, but far enough away for you to focus on your work.

Tell your child that he is your personal assistant-in-training and emphasize what a big deal it is for him to have this title and his own work area.

Provide your child with some tools similar to those on your desk. Carefully select only the safest items that are virtually indestructible. Your child's active imagination and natural curiosity can easily lead to disaster if he gets his hands on the wrong gadget.

Assign your new assistant with important job responsibilities. Young children love to imitate adults, especially their parents. Depending upon what type of business you operate from home, you can dream up duties that mirror what your child watches you do every day.

One duty that may delight your toddler is opening mail. Give the child junk mail, advertisements or anything else you don't want to read. Provide a little trashcan or place for him to pitch the envelope if that's what you usually do.

Another job that may thrill your child and can potentially occupy him for more than an hour is organizing your out-dated files, old business cards, duplicate copies, rough drafts and any other impertinent papers. The key to this little task is to place files to be organized in a basket or file bin and provide an empty desk drawer or old briefcase for your toddler to transfer the papers to and from - possibly repeatedly. If you can manage to concentrate on your work and coach your new assistant at the same time, you may stimulate their thinking by beginning to count the papers he or she is moving from the basket into the desk drawer.

A must-have for your new little employee is a notepad or notebook similar to the type you use for taking notes, and crayons (if he or she will accept such a "childish" writing implement.) Encourage your child to draw a picture for you and make sure you praise the final product. The more compliments he or she hears from you, the more your child will want to keep creating special drawings for you, or Grandma and Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Timmy etc. Either take a brief time out or make it a routine at the end of the day to hang your child's masterpieces in your office. He will feel like he accomplished something that made you proud. Let your child help you tape his work on the side of your desk or up on the wall. You may be surprised by how intrigued your toddler is with tape!

A chalkboard is an easy, inexpensive addition to your home office that you may never need, but your assistant-in-training will probably use it every day. If you buy the big sidewalk chalk, your toddler will be less likely to decide to taste the bright colored sticks. If he or she does try to take a bite, the chances of choking are reduced with these fat pieces of chalk. Make a production out of adding this new item to your office. Pretend you need it to use it to record your daily business reminders. Your child will be more eager to get his little hands on something he sees you using. One little warning: Although this cheap addition to your office may offer a new outlet for your child's creativity, it will usually lead to the need for a quick bath at the close of the business day!

There are a few items that are actually "toys,'' but may be able to pass for "tools" (similar to the machines you use every day) to be added to your new assistant's desktop. Various toy companies manufacture mini-versions of adult products, like little battery operated computers, designed to teach your child the alphabet or animal sounds; play telephones that ring by themselves and talk back to your child; and musical keyboards that perform tunes automatically and also allow your toddler to make his own melodies. Your toddler may be content to imitate you with toys, like these, that look similar or sound the same as your desktop devices.

Depending upon the location of your office, layout of your house, and your child's level of independence, you may be able to designate duties that require him to leave your office to go find a phone book for you, or to locate that big envelope that came in the mail the other day. You can purposely forget to collect all the items you will need to complete your job that day or you can ask your little assistant to seek out objects that you don't really have to have immediately. Toddlers usually like to look for things, especially when they think they are helping mommy or daddy. Be sure to thank your child and compliment him for being able to find exactly what you wanted!

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp

Enjoying The Teenage Years

Writen by Audrey Okaneko

I can not count the number of times I've heard well meaning parents say "enjoy them now, soon they will be teenagers"

I see so many reasons why this sentence is harmful and misleading. First of all, each time you personally say this phrase in front of your own children, it affects their feelings of self worth. If you have a teenager who hears you constantly warn others about teens, you are basically saying your own child is troublesome to you.

If this sentence is being said in front of preteens, those preteens are listening and hearing and watching for reaction. They want to know how mom and/or dad react to being told that in a year or two, their own child will no longer be enjoyable.

Let's face it, every stage of life brings about its own set of challenges and opportunities. Toddlers are learning independence. Preteens are learning a new sense of independence. Teenagers are learning about the independence of becoming adults. By midlife, we often hear the phrase "midlife crisis" and then we often hear that the elderly can get away with anything because they are elderly.

Every stage of life is different. We continue to grow as a person from birth right through death. I smile incredibly thinking of a wonderful woman I know who is over 90. She still drives. She still sits on the board of a few organizations and she still participates in and leads a current events group. This is proof positive that we continue to grow and learn through out our lives.

I personally have enjoyed immensely the teenage years of both of my daughters. As a teen they are very independent, meaning you can leave the house for a few hours and not worry, you can ask for help with cooking, cleaning, and all other chores and you can enjoy incredible conversations with these kids who now have very strong opinions.

I have enjoyed meals out in exotic restaurants with my teens. I have enjoyed long walks where we can chat about life and our own thoughts. I have enjoyed weekend trips with my girls. I have enjoyed a morning cup of coffee. I have enjoyed the most recent movie release with them. Of course this list goes on and on.

Did my kids ever yell? Of course they did. Did they ever not follow a rule? Of course they did. Just as toddlers, preteens and elderly do all of these things, so do teens.

When someone tells me their child is about to become a teen, I hug and congratulate them. They are about to experience a wonderful new relationship.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com

What You Should Do When You Have A Baby

Writen by Martin Lukac

Having a baby changes everything in your life. Not only are you facing a new lifestyle, but you need to make some financial changes as well.

Start with looking at your budget. While little ones don't take up that much room, preparing for their arrival can take some money. Your new budget should include food, diapers, baby clothes and health insurance costs. Then consider all of the one-time expenses that will occur before and after the baby arrives, such as strollers, car seats and baby monitors. You will be surprise at how fast the costs can add up.

Make sure you apply for a Social Security Number for your child. You will need it in order to take advantage of the tax benefits available to parents. You can apply when the baby is born. The easiest way is to apply at the hospital. Simply tell the hospital representative that you would like to apply for a Social Security Number for your baby. You will need your and your husband's Social Security Numbers. Your will receive your baby's card in a few weeks.

Make sure you protect your child's social security number and card. Identity theft is an increasing crime in this country. Don't give it out without good cause, such as to the IRS or for a savings account.

You may find that you will need additional insurance coverage, especially when it comes to life insurance. Good coverage will give your child and spouse the funds to continue in a consistent way after your passing. Select the amount of coverage that will help your family meet living expenses, pay the mortgage and send your children to college.

Young parents are more likely to be disabled than killed in an accident. It is important to prepare for this by having disability insurance. This will replace a portion of your income so you can continue meeting your financial obligations until you are able to work again.

If you don't have a will, you need one. A will is the perfect place to name the guardian of your child in the case of both parents passing away. Without one, the state determines who raises your child. You can also establish what parts of your estate go where and to whom.

Once the baby has arrived, have it added to your health insurance as soon as possible. This will help avoid any mixups. Call in advance to see what you will need to do. You should also update your income tax withholding to reflect an additional dependent. This will give you a little more money in each paycheck, which you can spend on those endless packages of diapers.

Having a child is a good time to look at your finances and your goals. It is the perfect time for planning for the future.

Martin Lukac, represents http://www.RateEmpire.com and http://www.1AmericanFinancial.com, a finance web-company specializing in real estate/mortgage market. We specialize in daily updates, rate predictions, mortgage rates and more. Find low home loan mortgage interest rates from hundreds of mortgage companies!

Best Gift Ideas For Your Child Giving Kids What They Need And Not What They Want

Writen by JB Anthony

Most single parents feel guilty about spending too much time at work and away from their children. Thus, when it comes to spoiling kids, single parents are most likely to be the first persons to be sent to the gallows. We are all guilty of spoiling our kids once in a while. But when it becomes a habit, a way of compensating for your constant absence in your home due to work, giving kids what they want and not what they need can become destructive to your child.

Admit it. You're guilty of buying your child anything he or she wants to get for Christmas as long as they fit your budget. Whether it be the latest video game consoles, or that doll house big enough to be your own! The point is, single parent or not, we love spoiling our kids. We can't get enough of that sparkle in our kids eyes the moment we announce to them we're getting them their Christmas presents.

However, as often and as much as we want to spoil them and give them everything they need and want, how many times have we paused to ask ourselves if what we are getting them are truly beneficial for their wholistic growth and development? Hardly. Therefore, I think it is time to review and have a look at some objects which our do not necessarily want, but they need them nonetheless.

1.Books Books are excellent gift ideas for kids. It develops in them the love for knowledge and learning. Although not every kid is an avid reader of books, a child's desire to learn and read can be developed with the help of a patient parent who cares enough to read to them or read with them regularly.

2. Art Set Unless a child is given art materials to doodle, draw and sketch with, he or she will never discover any talent for it. Drawing is a helpful hobby for kids with single parents. It develops in them the autonomy, independence and a deep perception of things that is needed to understand the more-than-ordinary set-up of a single parent-run household. Of course, art materials are not enough. A little encouragement and praise on an incoherent blob your child might call a painting of a "puppy" will go a very long way.

3. Pet Pets provide company which is very important to kids raised in single parent homes. Pets develop the emotional growth of your child. Taking care of pets will develop the sense of responsibility in your child and a child who can love and care for a pet will not find it hard to care and love for people as well.

4. Enroll in lessons Enroll your child in lessons such as swimming, martial arts, music and instrument lessons, art lessons, and others of such type which will not only allow your child to discover his or her talents and potentials but will also build his or her discipline, confidence and self-esteem.

With these ideas in mind, you will not only be giving your child a Christmas present. You are also preparing him or her to be the best person he or she can be in the future!

JB Anthony is the webmaster of http://www.singleparenting.hottestniches.com For more single parenting advices, guides and tips, updates and links to government aids and scholarships for single parents, links to affordable gift ideas for single parents, please visit http://www.singleparenting.hottestniches.com

How Much Does A Baby Cost Budgeting For Baby

Writen by Kendra Spencer

A common question of couples planning on starting a family is, "How much does it cost to have a baby?" With the media reporting that children can cost hundreds of thousands to raise, cribs retailing at hundreds of dollars and health care expenses soaring, it's no wonder new parents are concerned. While there is no black and white answer on how much you are going to spend, the good news is that you can make child rearing as expensive or as inexpensive as you choose.

As with many things, babies come with fixed expenses and re-occurring expenses. The cost of fixed expenses, like baby gear and nursery décor, can easily be reduced down to a minimum.

Decorating a nursery can easily run you thousands of dollars if you buy all new furniture, rugs, curtains, wall decorations, closet organizers etc. However, with a little creativity, resourcefulness and thought, you can easily put together a dream nursery for a few hundred, or even less! Keep your eyes and ears open for hand-me-downs, scour online classified, auctions and make it a regular outing to go to weekend garage sales. Update a well used, but dirt cheap, changing table with a fresh coat of paint and some inexpensive storage baskets. If you can't find a used crib bumper that you love, ask your creative aunt or friend to sew you a custom bumper out of adorable fabric for a fraction of the cost of a new one. Take every opportunity to go to garage sales to find the cute little knick knacks that give a room personality.

Baby gear such as car seats, high chairs, stollers and bouncy chairs can also be found at bargains if you are willing to go with used. Make sure to check for safety recalls on everything you buy second hand.

If you have a good friend or relative who's planning on starting a family soon make a deal with them that you'll share baby gear. You can buy the bouncy chair if they buy the swing and you can let each other borrow them when you need them. Newborn gear is easy to share with others because the items only get used for a few months, hardly enough time to get dirty or wrecked.

The costs that you will need to budget for in your monthly budget are the re-occuring costs. Again, these can be as high or as low as you let them. The usual reoccurring baby costs are: formula/baby food, diapers, clothes, doctors visits, and toys.

Formula and disposable diapers can often be your largest expenses. As a guideline, assume that disposable diapers and wipes will cost you around $80 per month and formula $100 per month. However, both expenses can be virtually eliminated if you breastfeed and use cloth diapers. Breastfeeding is free and you can get a years supply of cloth diapers for less than $150.

When your baby is old enough to start on solids you can spend money on canned baby food or you can choose the most inexpensive option of making your own baby food purees. They are easy to make and taste so much better. The cost will only be an extra portion of fruit, vegetables and grains that you already buy.

Clothes and toys can be found second hand, church thrift stores are great places to look, or from generous family members at gift giving occasions. Luckily babies are so curious about the world around them that toys are easily found in everyday objects.

The web is full of free baby products, so take advantage! If you register at your favorite baby product websites you will soon start receiving generous coupons in the mail.

The bottom line is that babies can be raised on any kind of budget. What babies need more than monetary objects are love, attention, and affection, which are all free. You don't need a trust fund in place in order for you to afford to have a child, if you are emotionally ready to raise baby, then money shouldn't stop you.

Kendra Spencer is the editor of www.shoppingfortwo.com, a website devoted to bringing new and expecting moms the best advice and cutest baby products available. For a list of free baby products visit: www.shoppingfortwo.com/Free-Baby-Stuff.htm.

The Top 10 Tips For Communicating With Children

Writen by Dr. Clare Albright

Most people have more training before they receive their driver's license than before they become a parent. Educating yourself on how to communicate effectively with your child can be the key to achieving your parenting goals. If you do not have children of your own, these 10 tips can help you whenever you are around children.

1. Draw children out to speak about the things on their minds.

   You can 'prime the pump' by talking with them about their favorite foods, toys, movies, video games, etc.

2. Verbally reflect the emotions of a child before giving in to your need to teach them something.

   Parents are constantly making the error of educating their child when their child expresses pain. "I hate my nose" is often responded to with, "you have a perfectly good nose" and the child is left to feel all alone with what could become an enormous problem for them in years to come.

3. Teach your child to wait instead of interrupting your conversations.

   One technique is to teach your children to lightly touch your arm and to wait peacefully and quietly to be acknowledged by you. Children who interrupt miss a chance to learn to control their impulses and can upset the flow of an adult's conversation.

4. Play little games whenever you see children.

   For example, you could put something such as a coin in a hand behind your back and ask the child to guess which hand it is in. This is a way to build a strong connection with a child and make a child feel honored.

5. Lower yourself physically to a child's level by sitting down, bending down, or sitting on the floor.

   It may have been months since any adult has joined the child on their own level.

6. Hold and play with a child's toys or trinkets.

   Play is the language of a child. If you stop for even thirty seconds to draw a picture alongside of a child who is coloring, you could become one of their heroes.

7. Tell short stories to children.

   Make the stories up or pull them from your own childhood. Stories can be used to build a connection, to teach a lesson, or just to leave a child feeling better than when the conversation began.

8. Follow up on the promises that you make to children with action.

   Children are usually more hurt than adults by broken promises. Ironically, many people treat their promises to children as less important than their promises to adults.

9. Sacrifice some of your time to interact with children and to focus on them 100%.

   Most adults do not interact with children who are present because the children are not able to meet their needs the way that an adult can. Five minutes invested in the life of a child will pay dividends that an hour invested in the life of an adult may not.

10. Master the art of Socratic questioning.

    This means that instead of expressing facts or lecturing that you ask a question to stimulate the child's own reasoning process. Socratic questioning opens up a place in a person's mind for the answer to be remembered. For example, you could ask, "How do you think we could take better care of the puppy?" instead of telling your child what to do.

About The Author

This piece was written by Dr. Clare Albright, Psychologist and Parenting Coach, and author of "100 Tips for Parents of Two Year Olds", which can be downloaded for only $5.77 from http://www.ParentsOfTwoYearOlds.com

You Goofed Hip Hip Hooray

Writen by Andrea Patten

Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it takes most kids years to find their strengths; if they don't try everything that comes their way --from kickball to spelling bees-- how will they discover their passions?

One thing that parents can model is to value 'effort' and 'risk'. Kids whose parents praise things like 'trying,' 'giving their best effort' and 'finishing what they've started' seem to have kids who try, give their best effort and finish things! While competition is a great teacher, there are also times that it is as important to reward participation as achievement.

Rewarding the courage to compete builds confidence and helps to combat the stigma attached to losing. People often forget that losing is nature's best teacher. High achieving adults we've interviewed confirmed that adversity and struggle (e.g. 'losing') taught them what they needed to do to win the next time!

Kids shouldn't be afraid of losing. Hug and praise them no matter how well or poorly they do. Go easy on the sympathy if they lose. Soft-pedal the congratulations if they win. In either case, ask them what they learned or what they'll try next time.

Remember, your offsprings' 'won/loss' record is not a reflection of your parenting skill– but their attitudes, values and ethics are. Whether they win or lose you can teach them to show the same respect for everyone who competes, to push themselves toward improvement and give to their best.

As with so many aspects of being a parent, it's all in how you approach it.

Andrea Patten is the co-author of What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement which is now available on Amazon.com

For more information about 'The Four Foundations' please visit http://www.whatkidsneedtosucceed.com

"...because you're not raising a child - you're raising a future adult"

Unique Baby Names

Writen by Michael Barrows

What's in a name? Er…well, everything, really! Of course your little bundle of joy is the sweetest, most beautiful thing you have ever seen and you want to choose a name that reflects his/her individuality, spirituality, uniqueness and all-round special-ness.

But wait a minute!

Remember that the unique baby name you choose will help define junior's life - how they are viewed and accepted - for many, many years. What sounds cute and original for a 5-year-old, may not sound so funky for a 15-year-old…and what about a 55-year old?

Time was when only celebrities could get away with unique baby names (Zowie Bowie, Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa, etc), but in the modern world, individuality is more prized than ever before, and increasingly, this starts with our names. Great idea – but don't allow a flash of a self-indulgence to condemn your child to a lifetime of problems; it's reported that a Chinese couple named their child "Saddam Sars" to mark the current world events at the time of the birth! I just hope it means something nice in Mandarin, or Cantonese!

This probably wouldn't have happened in Germany, where names can only be registered if they recognizable, do not ridicule the child and are gender specific. Perhaps there is at least one Chinese child in the world, who will grow up wishing he/she were German!

So – assuming you are not German - what should you do if you want to create a unique baby name, without creating too many problems? Here are some tips and some warnings to make the process less painful:

1. Anagrams: try creating an anagram of an existing name.

2. Father and Mother: try using derivatives of one of the parents' names, or a combination of both. Alternatively, how does the mother's maiden name sound as a first name?

3. Telescoping: try dropping letters from another name or a word, until you get a nice-sounding name.

4. Spelling: an unusual spelling of a common name creates uniqueness. However, remember that your child will be condemned to a lifetime of "…that's David spelt D..A..Y..V..I..D…" conversations.

5. Pronunciation: another trick is to pronounce a common name in an unusual way. But this can also lead to a lifetime of corrections and explanations – as well as teasing and accusations of pretentiousness.

6. History: do some research into names that were popular in previous eras, but have become less so.

7. Family History: are there any unusual baby names that can be used to honor family members or ancestors? But beware family politics…

8. Nature: many names come from the natural world, particularly flowers (e.g. Rose) and it's a great source for unique baby names (e.g. Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple).

9. Geography: another useful source of great names - grab an atlas and start searching. David and Victoria Beckham called their first son Brooklyn, which many people think is a cool-sounding name. However, it's reported that the choice was made because that's where conception took place. Hmmm, imagine a lifetime in which your name is a constant reminder of your parents having sex! Eeeuuuuww!!!

10. Celebrities: famous people with slightly unusual names are a common source of inspiration. There are lots of teenage "Kylie"s running around the UK since Kylie Minogue's arrival on the music scene at end of the '80's, and her recent resurgence, will have created a second wave of them. And I'm sure many little "Be'yonce"s have been popping up over the last few years. The only problem is that names like these very soon begin to sound a little silly and "wannabe".

11. Foreign Names: consider using a foreign version of a name, e.g., Pedro, instead of Peter. Or try using a name from a completely different culture.

12. Nicknames: try using a nickname e.g. Angie, instead of Angela or Angelina. However, make sure the name is will pass the "age test" – see number 17 below.

13. Middle Names: a great way to accommodate individuality when naming your baby, is to combine a common first name with a unique second/middle name. The benefit of this is that your child can avoid embarrassment throughout his/her life by ignoring it of keeping it hidden.

14. Initials: when you have settled on some names, check that the initials aren't embarrassing. This is an easy trap to fall into and can lead to a lifetime of misery. "Zina Indigo" are may be nice sounding names for your lovely daughter, but make sure your surname doesn't begin with "T"!

15. First Name-Surname: check how the selected first name combines with the surname. Make sure the two names do not create some something recognizable, to prevent a lifetime of teasing. Also, check the rhythm of the two names; a different number of syllables in each name usually flows much better. Avoid rhyming the 2 names at all costs or your child will hate you forever!

16. The loudness test: try saying the name softly, at normal pitch and shouting it very loudly. You may be surprised at the results.

17. The age test: try to visualize your child with the name as a baby, as a teenager, as a young adult, a mature adult and as a senior citizen. A name can create completely different perceptions of the individual at separate stages of life.

18. The meaning: the final test of the name that you choose should be to check its meaning (if any). Don't leave your child open to getting a nasty surprise later in life.

Whatever name you decide, don't fall into the trap of self-indulgence. Remember, it's not about you, it's all about your child. Your grand design to celebrate the uniqueness of this new human being, may eventually lead to a lifelong, desperate desire for conformity and anonymity. Even Zowie Bowie eventually changed his name to "Joey"…

Michael Barrows is a web publisher specialising in niche marketing. Check out the wealth of baby resources and pick up the FREE ebook "Baby Tips for New Parents" at his website; http://www.all-about-baby-names.com

Raising Kids Who Wont Swear 4 Tips For Success

Writen by Judy Gruen

You're in the grocery store with your 6-year-old, and the cashier flippantly uses a choice four-letter word while talking to the cashier in the next check-out line. You are angry and upset at another violation of your child's innocence. You know that words matter, and that four-letter words should be reserved for extraordinary circumstances.

As the mother of four, I know how hard it really is to raise G-rated kids in an R-rated society, but you can protect your kids from more of it than you think.

Try these tips to strengthen your children's understanding of the power of words:

* Monitor children's media input. Most parents don't realize how much content their children take in from the Internet, TV, and radio. News reports in particular can make young children feel insecure about the world around them. And the casual use of four-letter words reinforces the idea that raunchy language is OK. Limit your own media consumption in the presence of young children. Set time limits and use good filtering programs to protect kids from inappropriate material on the Internet and on TV.

* Make your home a no-swearing zone. Make sure to keep your own language clean, and if you slip up, apologize to your children for the error. Speak up if guests in your home use language you find offensive (though it's best to do it in private to avoid publicly embarrassing anyone).

* Help your children find better word choices. Sit down with your kids and use the dictionary and thesaurus to come up with colorful and satisfying words to replace the nasty ones. It's fun!

* Don't overreact. Overreacting to cursing may have the opposite effect that you intend. Use a system of rewards and consequences for maintaining good language.

Teaching children to maintain standards of speech will also result in your kids having more self-discipline, more self-esteem, and more respect for you as a parent. You can raise well-spoken, articulate kids, even in today's raunchier culture.

Judy Gruen, a.k.a. "The Kinder Culture Mom," is a mother of four and an award-winning humorist. She writes the popular "Off My Noodle" column on her web site, http://www.judygruen.com, and is the author of two humor books. For more tips on raising swearing-free kids, see her special report, "13 Ways to Keep Young Kids From Swearing," on the store page of her web site. Write to the author at judy@judygruen.com.

How To Choose A Good Potty Chair

Writen by Susanne Myers

Your child is starting to show some interest in potty training and is at the right age. So you race to the store to get your little one a potty. If you're like me, you didn't realize how many options there are these days when it comes to potty chairs. You will find little potties that sit on the floor, inserts for a regular toilet, character-based potty chairs and even models that come with sound and light effects. Which one will be right for your child?

Narrow down your search by deciding if you would like to go with a portable model that can sit on the floor, or a potty seat insert that will sit on top of your regular toilet. Using one of the inserts will make cleanup a snap since all you have to do is flush and occasionally wipe the seat. Some kids seem to be afraid to "go" in a regular toilet at first though. Since these toilet inserts are rather inexpensive, this may be a good start for you just to try it out. After your child gets used to potty training, she will start using the insert. Plus this model is very portable. You can take it with you when you go visit grandma.

If you suspect your child may be scared of the "big potty", start with a simple and inexpensive plastic potty that you can sit in the bathroom. Look for a model with a stable base and a little spatter guard in the front.

If your child is a big fan of a particular character like Dora The Explorer ™ or Elmo ™, you may want to purchase a potty chair with a sticker of her favorite. Of course you could also adorn any basic potty with a few stickers. This will make it a lot easier to convince a stubborn toddler to give potty training a try. Just tell her Dora send the chair and said it was time to get out of diapers.

If you have a few days or even weeks to choose a potty chair, shop around. You can find some great sales on potty chairs both at your local department and discount stores and of course online. Shopping around can make a huge difference if you (or your child) have your heart set on a more expensive model.

Now put that potty chair to good use and start getting your child potty trained.

For a free ecourse on potty training and plenty of potty training advice visit http://www.mypottytraining.com I look forward to sharing my best potty training tips with you.

Confused By Nipple Confusion

Writen by Michelle Higgins

You need to go back to work and would like to bring on a combination of breast and bottle. But you have heard that this could lead to 'nipple confusion'. Do you need a lactation consultant? Perhaps you need a primer on nipple confusion.

What is nipple confusion all about?

Babies who are fed both by the breast and the bottle can sometimes have problems in recognizing the difference between the two nipples.

Sucking milk from the breast is quite different from sucking from a bottle in terms of technique. Add to that the ease with which milk flows from a bottle and you get a puzzled baby.

To suck or not to suck, that is the question

Most babies get confused if they haven't yet adapted to the breastfeeding technique. Yes, not all babies are born with an inbuilt manual on breastfeeding.

When you start feeding baby, brush your nipple against the corner of baby's mouth several times. This stimulates baby's rooting reflex and baby will turn towards nipple and start suckling.

It is very easy to give up in frustration and opt for the passive bottle-feeding method. But try to stick on and your efforts will be rewarded soon. Breastfeeding creates a bond between you and baby.

Signs your baby is confused

If your baby fusses and balks at the breast, refuses to latch on, and yet seems quite comfortable with the bottle, this could be a sign of nipple confusion. Some babies are so used to the breast that they reject the bottle. Sometimes you can't decide which is worse.

Slow and steady…

To avoid nipple confusion, wait until the baby is becomes a breastfeeding pro and then introduce her to the bottle at least a fortnight in advance of your return to work. Starting too early could lead to nipple confusion while waiting too long to start could result in her rejecting the bottle.

While a baby needs to be hungry enough to want to suck at an artificial nipple, you need to see that she is not so hungry that she turns irritable and fussy.

Start with a little milk in the bottle and gradually increase the amount. Or try breast milk in the bottle.

Involving someone else

Another thing that could work is letting someone other than you do the bottle-feeding. Let someone else in the family try bottle feeding baby and cuddle him while he is being fed, so that the baby gets a sense of warmth and security. Dads can help too! This could be dad's perfect opportunity to bond with baby.

Each baby is different in his or her own way; some may take to interchangeable feeding right from their birth, while others may drive you nuts trying to introduce the bottle. You really cannot predict which baby will have nipple confusion, but its best to wait until baby is at least 3 or 4 weeks old, before you feed him formula from a bottle.

* About the author *

This article has been provided by ParentingSurvivalGuide.com.

Please visit our web site at http://www.ParentingSurvivalGuide.com to discover more articles.

Copyright 2005 ParentingSurvivalGuide.com, all rights reserved.

This article may be freely republished for noncommercial use as long as the article, including the author information and this reprint policy statement, is republished in its entirety, unedited, and with all links working.

Time Out For Moms

Writen by Marsha Maung

No matter how pleasurable, enjoyable and worthwhile you think motherhood is, there will be times when you just feel like peeling yourself away from the screaming, fighting, endless amount of work, cleaning, cooking, feeding, bathing and umpiring. There's no end and you're only human! Human and every human being's got a threshold for pain. As a mother, you have to find your threshold; recognize and acknowledge that threshold because if you don't, you're going to end up in the house of Loonies!

Just today, I was on the brink of just calling it quits! The kids have been throwing massive tantrums all day over nothing, refused to eat their food (which I have painfully prepared for them), refused to do their homework and everything was all over the place even after I've just picked them up. I felt like taking the car somewhere…ANYWHERE…just to get away. Not for a while…but forever. It was THAT bad.

That was when I realized that I was teetering dangerously on my threshold of pain…and yes, I ought to take car and go do something else. I probably should. And I did. And a world of good it did for me too, let me tell you this.

It was time out for mom.

This is what I recommend for mothers the world over to do.

TIME OUT EVERY DAY

The first thing we do in order to keep sane is to have a time out session for ourselves each day. Choose a time when the kids are not around or are occupied and use it as a time out for you. do something you really like…like reading for surfing the Internet. Anything that YOU like and have nothing to do with your kids or your spouse. The length of the time out session depends on your schedule, of course, but it can be anything between 15mins to 3 hours. Your call.

CALL SOMEBODY

Communication with the outside world is important and we need to reconnect with the rest of the world just to convince and remind ourselves that we're human beings and we're alive. We need to be in touch with the rest of the world because human beings do that! So, when you're feeling a little tired and helpless, call someone and just have a short chat. I know some of us may not have that many friends left after marriage and birth but you can call your contractor for a quick chat about the broken sink in the ground floor bath, if you want.

RELAX

When things get out of hand, remember to sit down, close your eyes, relax and completely focus your mind on breathing. Breathe in and out slowly and gently and actually feel your heart rate drop. If you are a Yoga fan, do it and recollect your thoughts.

Conclusion

Remember, when things get out of control and you ignore it, it won't go away. It just goes into hiding and builds up. One day, it's going to blow over and you're probably going to blame your kids and your family for it. Don't be ashamed of feeling weak and helpless because all of us feel that way once in a while. Motherhood is a tough job.

Marsha Maung is a freelance graphic designer and copy writer who works from her home in Selangor, Malaysia. She loves nothing more than blowing bubbles in the park with her 2 kids, Joshua and Jared. She designs apparel and premium items at http://www.allmomstuff.com and is the author of "Raising little magicians", and the popular "The Lance in freelancing". More information can be found at http://www.marshamaung.com

Child Safety At Home

Writen by K. Perry

Maintaining a safe home environment for your children

As adults and parents we are responsible for all the aspects of child safety at home and the importance of following child safety tips to improve the area cannot be emphasised enough! Accidents occurring where child safety at home is weak can have lasting effects and include burns, scarring, irrational fears, blindness and even death! Child safety at home is relatively easy to enforce, once we as parents and caregivers understand and apply some basic child safety tips.

Children are unique and precious individuals and when it relates to child safety at home, everything should be done to create a safe space where they can grow up. Often our children's natural curiosity brings them into close contact with items that could be harmful in some way, so it's essential that all household members practice child safety at home and minimize such dangers.

Applying basic child safety tips will go a long way to ensuring that parents can relax without fear of accidents or other trauma occurring. Of course, children must be supervised at all times but practicing child safety at home will lessen the fear that we often feel for them. Toddlers under three years of age should receive constant supervision if possible and many accidents can be prevented through child safety at home. Accidents usually occur when the parent is distracted, tired or isn't fully aware of the importance of child safety at home.

Where there is a lack of child safety at home, it can only take a few seconds for an accident to happen. Babies and toddlers roll and crawl constantly while developing new skills and child safety at home is essential to ensure that they do not injure themselves while exploring their new world. Remember, child safety at home includes never leaving your baby on a raised platform such as a bed or chair while you leave the room. Even a sleeping baby could roll off and be injured so play it safe with some child safety tips and common sense.

Lying down on your stomach is a great way to begin your child safety at home planning! Looking around from your baby's height and viewpoint will alert you to possible hazards such as loose drawers, pots or open plug sockets which you can then attend to. Complete child safety at home can only be achieved once adults pinpoint the potentially harmful items and remove them.

Hot items such as coffee percolators and kettles must be kept well out of a child's reach when practicing child safety at home and also remember that a toddler will try to use several methods when attempting to reach his goal! He might be able to reach that kettle or hot plate when standing on something else, so bear this in mind, as it's all connected to general child safety at home.

On no account must your toddler be able to reach electrical appliances, medicinal drugs, poisons or cleaning agents, even while standing on a higher chair. be sure to plan your area properly with child safety at home an absolute priority. Building extra shelves well out of their reach will ensure that child safety at home is maintained, as will storing dangerous items in securely locked cupboards. With regard to child safety at home, it is common knowledge that babies love to place items in their mouths, which could pose a choking hazard. Child safety tips always stress that small objects are kept far out of a babies reach.

Any parent living in a house with a stairway would do well to practice child safety at home and fit some safety features. Strong gates at the top and bottom of the stairs will ensure that the principles of child safety at home are applied and allow for maximum safety. This child safety tip must be put into practice before your baby begins crawling, or he could injure himself badly.

Another important child safety tip that is often forgotten by new parents yet could prove highly dangerous is the temperature of bathwater. Where child safety at home is properly applied the hot water heater should be set to 120 Fahrenheit or lower to ensure maximum safety. Parents wanting full child safety at home should further check all bath water temperatures with their elbow or hand to ensure that no scalding occurs.

Children must be supervised while bathing or swimming and basic child safety tips should be adhered to at all times. Parents applying sensible child safety at home ideas will also ensure that the family swimming pool is inaccessible to children unless they are supervised. A high fence and locked gate is one of the best child safety tips for parents, allowing only for entry to the area under supervision.

Drowning is one of the major causes of accidental deaths among children and can often be avoided by ensuring proper child safety at home. A child needs to test and push his boundaries constantly in order to learn and child safety at home is essential for avoiding accidents.

Basic child safety at home will help your child by creating an environment conducive to learning and safety. Take a walk through your house and garden today with the view to finding possible dangers and then practice child safety at home. The first steps of child safety at home begin with you and any child safety tips you follow will ensure a safe environment for your family.

Copyright 2005 Chid-Care.biz

Child Safety and Health

Parenting Your Teenager Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room

Writen by Jeff Herring

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we wonder whether he's doing more stuff. We have reason to believe he has been hiding drugs in his room, and we're wondering whether we should go into his room to see whether we can find anything. Some parents we've talked to say yes. Others say, "Don't invade his privacy because you will lose his trust." What do you think we should do?

A. Based on more than 25 years of working with teen-agers and families, I suggest:

Absolutely, yes, go check out his room.

I say this for at least three reasons:

1) It's your house.

You bought it. You pay the mortgage. You can go anywhere in the house you wish to go.

End of story.

2) You have reason to believe that there is something dangerous in your son's room.

If you knew there was a poisonous snake or a ticking bomb in his room, would you want to go in and get it out?

Of course.

You have reason to believe there is something both poisonous and explosive in his room.

Find out and get it out.

3) While you are correct to believe that trust is a crucial issue here, the trust between you already has been broken.

Your son broke it when he began to smoke pot and keep it from you. And in my experience, there is usually more that you do not know behind what you have already discovered.

Your first job is to get him safe, and then you can work on rebuilding the trust.

You can look through his room and then deal with him about whatever you find. Another way to look through his room is to do it with him, and then you get to deal with whatever you find as you find it.

Either way, he certainly won't like it much, but that is not the issue.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .

We All Wish That Our Children Have Good Virtues But Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves

Writen by Samir Jhaveri

We all wish that our children should not smoke or drink, should not speak lies, should not steal, should not have a violent nature, etc... but are we setting a good example ourselves?

Just yesterday, I was at a friend's place and his daughter came running up to us with her school calendar and asked him to put a remark for being absent for school. They had been to a close relative's wedding and my friend merely wrote "Stomach Pain" and signed the calendar. Aren't you indirectly teaching the child that it is OK to lie? I have seen so many parents protecting the guilt of their children by lying, I wonder what will happen to them when these children start lying to their parents themselves!

Smoking is a very bad habit and you must refrain from smoking, at least in front of children. When you smoke, your child watches your actions with great concentration and then even tries to imitate you. If you cannot leave the habit, go to the terrace / verandah and smoke. If you don't have one, go for a walk and take your nicotine break there. If you have a spare room in your house, go there and remember to close / lock your door. So what if your child knows that you smoke? Don't light up in front of him. If you are smoking and your child comes to you, extinguish your cigarette, even you have just started (even if you're not a millionaire). Remember, passive smoking is just as dangerous to your child's health. Don't keep cigarettes lying around the house and always keep track of the number of cigarettes you have (even if you're a millionaire). You don't want your missing cigarettes found in your child's schoolbag, do you? Remember one thing in your life - never ever ask your child to buy cigarettes for you, if you run out of them. If you do, be rest assured that your child will smoke, some day. You are exposing him to all the varieties of cigarettes, the touch, feel and smell of it, the cigarette vendor's marketing skills and the other smokers. If your children ask you about your smoking habit, don't lie. Tell them you do smoke and have accidently caught the habit. Don't give a reason for smoking (like you are stressed, etc) as some day you will get a similar reason from him. Also tell him that you are trying to quit and genuinely give it a try. Get an anti-smoking screensaver and install it on your PC. You can get them free if you search on Google.com. Wouldn't your children be happier if you lived a little longer?

The same goes for drinking. One important thing to remember - never get drunk in front of your children. If you are not in your senses, you could speak or do something that you shouldn't, in front of your children. You can even cause physical or mental harm. If you MUST get drunk, go to a bar or confine yourself to a locked room. If your spouse is around, the better.

Don't use foul language in front of children. As I mentioned earlier, children try to imitate you. If you come across a reckless driver and let off steam be careful with your words. Your child is listening. Never ever use foul language with your spouse and don't abuse him / her, at least not in front of your children. I know, we all have our problems and married life (or any other life) isn't a bed of roses. But try to confine your fights to your bedroom and control the decibel level unless you have a totally soundproof room. I have heard 3 year old children speaking the filthiest language, even if they probably don't know what they're speaking!

Never ever let go a child who stole something. Now, I'm not saying that if you found out that your child is stealing, jump on him or give him a tight slap. Don't even humiliate him with shame. But sternly explain him that this is not right and make it crystal clear that it is not permitted. If he has stolen from a store, go back with him and make him return the item. If it is from school, make him return it to the teacher to avoid him from public shame. Explain to the teacher that you will be keeping an eye on him from repetition of the act. Follow your promise religiously and keep a check on his possessions within his schoolbag, his cupboard, etc. Is there something he possesses that is not bought by you? If so, be firm in knowing from where he got it from and insist on returning it. Don't accept lies too easily, its as if you're condoning the theft. Also remember, don't keep money lying around the house even if you have money to burn. Make him understand the value of money. Maintain a limit on pocket money and encourage him to save. It is also time to think if the child needs more affection and attention at home and a watch over his company. If all attempts fail, approach a child psychiatrist.

Television, movies, games and comics also play a vital role in the psychology of the child. If he watches a lot of brutality, he may tend to act it out. Limit the time and type of programs he watches. Encourage him to watch productive programs suitable to his age. Although I don't watch television often, recently I have been watching some serials and was quite surprised that most of them were centered around scheming women with criminal minds. A very important thing you should do is be with your child when watching television. If there is a scene which you shouldn't want your child to see, distract him by asking him some question like "is your home work complete" and when he is looking at you, change the channel. If he insists to watch it, firmly tell him that it is not right for his age.

About The Author

Samir Jhaveri is the Head Marketing Director of http://www.Malamaal.com, a colossal estore that sells niche branded ebooks, softwares, website templates, scripts, recipes, etc, at phenomenal discounts. Most products also carry Resell Rights, so that you can resell the products and make profit. He also has a web hosting business with a record of 99.99 % Uptime across all servers and an excellent Customer friendly Support team.

Aptitude Achievement Processing Deficit What Does It All Mean

Writen by Sandy Gauvin

You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning disabilities. They have  been explaining what they will be looking for  when they test your child.

 "We look for an aptitude-achievement discrepancy as well as a processing deficit,"  one of them explains.

 Your eyes glaze over and you begin to feel you're not too smart.  It's like they're  speaking another language.  You haven't a clue  what these people are talking about.

Actually, I've always felt that special education does use a foreign language.

That doesn't, however, mean that you can't learn it. Like any language, after a while, you'll get it.

When you meet with the Pupil Evaluation Team, or the Case Conference Committee, or the Child Study Team, or whatever  it's called in your area, you will probably hear the sentence  mentioned above.

Let's chop that sentence into pieces:

"We look for an aptitude-achievement discrepancy..."

Your child's aptitude is his ability to learn.  When I was in school, we called it an IQ.  In order for someone to have  a learning disability, he has to have at least average aptitude  for learning.  In other words, he needs to have the ability to  learn as well as any average child of his age.

His achievement refers to how well he is learning, or the extent to which he has received information and mastered  certain skills.  This may be where problems show up.

The evaluator looks at whether there is a big difference, or discrepancy, between those two scores -  aptitude and achievement.  Is there a big difference between  what he SHOULD HAVE learned and what he really has learned?

Let's say your child has an aptitude of 100, which is exactly average.  That means that he should be able to learn  things as well as any average student of his age or grade.  But let's say that the test found him to be achieving only at  a level of 60 in reading. That's 40 points below what he  SHOULD BE doing in reading. That's important information.

 "...as well as a processing deficit."

The next thing the evaluator looks at is a "processing deficit".  The term "processing" refers to the way your  child's brain works.  Can his brain handle information better  through what he sees (visual channel) or through what he hears  (auditory channel).  Can he remember a list of 4 or 5 things,  or does he forget them quickly?  How well does he find  information he has stored in his head?  How quickly can he  process information?

A deficit in processing means that he has trouble with one of the ways his brain handles information.

Now, let's put it all together:

"There has to be an aptitude-achievement discrepancy..." The evaluator has found a big gap between your child's ability  (100) and his achievement (60) in reading.  That tells you that  he hasn't learned what he needs to learn in order to be  successful in reading.

"...as well as a processing deficit."  The evaluator has found that he has a real problem remembering letters  and sounds. And what is more necessary in order to learn to  read than remembering letters and their sounds?

Now you know that he should be able to read like the other children in his class, but his brain isn't remembering  letters and their sounds the way it should. That's what's  standing in the way of his being able to read as well as the  other children.

Chances are the team will decide that your child has a learning disability in reading and that he is eligible for  special education services.  He will be able to get extra help  from a special teacher.  There will be things you can do with  him at home to help him as well.  He will be able to receive  help from people who know what will work best for him and who  care enough to give him the skills he needs to be successful  in life. 

For more plain talk about learning disabilities, please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com.

About the Author

Sandy Gauvin is a retired educator who has seen learning disabilities from many perspectives - as the parent of a  daughter with learning disabilities, as the teacher of  children with learning disabilities, and as an advocate for  others who have diagnosed and unrecognized learning disabilities.  Sandy shares her wisdom and her resources at  www.LDPerspectives.com.

Parenting Guide Touch Lives Of Little Children Be An Adopted Grandmother

Writen by Peter Lim

Do you know you can touch a life and be an adopted "grandma" to some kids of a single mother or mothers in need?

I was reading an article that talks about life in Japan, where there are elderly ladies who offer themselves as adopted grandmothers, as they have no grandchildren of their own.

These are not grandma for hire, but grandma who can be surrogate grandma and able to treat other children as their own, pampers them and chides them. It is a flexible working arrangement to help others and derive immense satisfaction in return. The children in turn, adore the adopted grandma.

The grandma in this way gets an instant grandchild or children, the instant grandma is not a full time grandmother but she is able to lead her life while her grandchildren live theirs with their real mother.

While circumstances have not allowed her to have real grandchildren of her own, by this arrangement of being the "adopted grandmother", she can have her share of enjoying herself with grandchildren that are not really her own.

An adopted grandmother loves their grandchildren and can render help in whatever way she can, and also ease the pressure on taking care of grandchildren for single moms and mothers who are under tremendous pressure because of domestic difficulties.

Strictly while there is no formal relationship, the adopted grandmother is more likely to be like a god-mother of sorts. The grandchildren can become their source of delight and joy, and the grandchildren can now have an instant grandmother that they can "play" with and love being spoilt by their grandma.

The adopted grandma is not a maid...and she is not expected to cook or supervise the children or look after the children for someone else full time.

It is a simple arrangement to enable you to touch the lives of those children who need a grandmother, and for you to enjoy grandchildren where you have not had the opportunity to have real grandchildren or where you now desire to have grandchildren again.

If you need a touch of young grandchildren fighting over your lap for attention, or if you like to touch the lives of others who need a grandmother's affection, start looking for people you know who may need your help as an adopted grandmother.

Peter Lim is a Certified Financial Planner and webmaster. For free parenting tips and ideas on how to handle difficult parenting situations, visit his website "The Complete Parenting Guide" at http://parenting-guide.dynamic-resources.info

Candida And Pregnancy

Writen by Jane Symms

Candida is quickly becoming one of the most controversial health topics of our time. Most conventional doctors don't believe the ailment even exists since there are such a myriad of symptoms associated with the disease, but those that do believe tend to do so passionately. There has never been any sort of ironclad study done on the ability for a woman who suffers from Candida to conceive, the much more common yeast infection form of Candida is thought to interfere in a woman's body chemistry enough as to stop any possible conception.

A yeast infection can release toxins into the bloodstream and cause everything from vaginal thrush to arthritis, autism, asthma, psoriasis and in some cases, infertility. An excellent way to deal with these types of infections is with over-the-counter yeast infection medications or creams, or by simply changing your diet to a no yeast, anti-candida diet.

The easiest way to tell if you have a yeast infection include itching and redness in the vaginal area. Also, inflammation on the urinary opening and more frequent urination as well as painful urination are signs. In severe cases, the vulva may swell and small fissures can appear. Discharge can become thick and white. Intercourse will usually become painful as well, also hurting your chances of conception. In rare cases, yeast infections can come from your sexual partner, and in those cases, the partner would need to be treated for the infection as well if conception is to be more likely.

Once you are pregnant, yeast infections become common. Studies have shown that women are actually more susceptible to yeast infections during pregnancy than during any other time in their lives, especially during the second trimester. There is no evidence that the yeast infection can damage the baby or cause any sort of birth defect, but the number of drugs that can be used to treat the infection are limited due to the fact that you're pregnant. They mostly cause a major amount of discomfort in a time when you're already experiencing high amounts of discomfort due to the pregnancy itself.

Yeast infections are more common during pregnancy mostly because of the roller coaster ride your body is going through hormonally. A high vaginal pH (a more acidic environment) is healthy and helps keep Candida at bay, but during the second trimester of the pregnancy there is an increase in the amount of sugar in vaginal secretions on which the yeast can feed on, causing a large amount of growth and a pain for the women having to put up with it.

The most common and least evasive treatments of yeast infections during pregnancy are over-the-counter and prescription creams and suppositories. If left untreated, a yeast infection can be passed to your baby during birth via the mouth. This is called thrush and can be treated with a prescription drug called Nystatin. Treatment time of the infection while pregnant can range from a week to two weeks. You should have a much easier time controlling your pH, and your Candida once the pregnancy is over.

Jane Symms has an interest in Candida. For further information on Candida please visit Candida or Candida Symptoms.

After The Driving School

Writen by Robyn Mueller

If you visit search engines you can find several resources to assist you on this subject. Try searching on the phrase "parents with teen drivers". Alternatively we have tried to make this easy for you if you visit our news page on this very topic.

A few resources on the web for parents are:

Parent-Teen Contract

You might also consider using a driving safety contract between you and your teen. This is an agreement that your child signs, in which he agrees to be a safe driver by following all restrictions you have imposed or risk losing his driving privileges. An example of this can be found at: http://www.ipromiseprogram.com/

Talk It Out

Work with your teen driver to talk through their thought process while driving. Let's not over-do this to the point that they cannot concentrate on driving. More specifics can be found in the book for parents at: http://www.safeyoungdrivers.com/

Helpful thoughts for parents in brief are:

* Drive by example

* Watch your emotional response while your teen is driving

* Work with your teen on various driving conditions, not just dry sunny days.

* Large open fields or empty parking lots are good sources for practicing

Of course, while you're working with your teen driver and their permit license, we have to keep the drivers around us in mind too. Auto Safety Magnets has a focus strictly on car safety for teen drivers, their parents and driving schools. Our magnets will increase road awareness and traffic safety. Help keep the roads safe for you and other drivers. We also invite you to sign-up for our free newsletter covering Driving Schools, Car Safety and Teen Drivers at our website.

Auto Safety Magnets http://www.autosafetymagnets.com

Guilty Of Not Following Her Heart

Writen by Sean North

Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year old daughter, whom she just picked up from her parents' home after another all-day affair in court.

Like every Thursday, Karen took her daughter, Anna, to McDonald's for dinner, which was a very special mother-daughter bonding time. Karen ordered a salad for her and a kid's meal for Anna. To Anna's delight, the kid's meal came with some crayons. While they were eating, Anna turned over the paper trayliner and began to draw a circle with some numbers just inside the perimeter of the circle. Instead of staring out the window like she usually did, Karen looked at what Anna was drawing.

"Whatcha drawin' sweetie?" Karen asked. "A clock," Anna said. "Are you sure it's a clock? It's got more than twelve numbers in the circle." "I know, Mommy. It's a clock for you. You said there's not enough time in the day."

Tears formed in Karen's eyes.

"Why are you crying, Mommy?" asked Anna. "There isn't enough time in the day, sweetheart. You and I have to make some more time – time for each other," said Karen. "I didn't know that you liked to draw so much." "Oh I do, Mommy. Gramma lets me draw anytime I want to," said Anna. "She does?" "Yep. We went to the bookstore today and she bought me a coloring book." "So that's what was in that bag. You've got a good grandma, honey." "I know. She told me that YOU used to like to draw, too. When you were a little girl." "That's right," Karen said softly and was not sure if Anna heard her. "I DID used to draw a lot and do a lot of sketches," she spoke in normal tone. "Sketches?" asked Anna "Oh, sketches. Sketches are drawings with pencils." "Can we do some sketches at home?" "Why of course. Tell you what. When we get home, I'm gonna look for some sketches that I used to do and show you." "Okay," said Anna excitedly.

When they finished dinner and got home, Anna showed her mother the coloring book that her grandmother had bought her. While Karen was looking for her sketches, Anna showed came to Karen's room every time she finished with coloring a page. Karen gave her daughter kisses, praise and encouragement every time Anna showed her another page of her work.

Karen finally found her old sketches and went into the kitchen where Anna was drawing. To Karen's surprise, there were drawings on the doors of the white cabinets. Anna had drawn on two kitchen cabinet doors.

"Isn't it pretty, Mommy?" asked Anna. Karen's jaw dropped. She was stunned and could not move for several seconds.

Anna finally broke the silence, "Gramma's kitchen is colorful. I want our kitchen to be colorful. Do you like it, Mommy?"

Karen backed into one of the kitchen walls and lowered her body to the ground until she was sitting on the floor. She cried profusely. Anna was confused why her mother was crying. When she showed her mother some of her work in her coloring book, her mother was happy and excited. Now, her mother is crying.

"You don't like it, Mommy?" Anna finally asked. Karen was finally able to talk, "No, sweetheart. I like your drawings. It's just that when I was a little girl, I did the same thing on gramma's walls." "Did she like it?" asked Anna. Karen was breathing deeply, almost hyper-ventilating and said, "She screamed at me." Karen was now breathing more normal. "She screamed at me," she said softly. "Why?" asked Anna. "Because I was supposed to color on the paper. I was supposed to follow the rules. I had messed up gramma's cabinets." "Did I mess up your cabinets?" "No, sweetheart," Karen said quickly. "Those cabinets needed some color. I want you to keep on drawing, okay? But I will get you some bigger drawing paper for you so you can make me some bigger pictures." "Wow! I will make the bigger pictures even prettier!" Anna said with anticipation. "How come you stopped drawing, Mommy?" Anna asked her Karen innocently. Karen took a deep breath and said. "Because I got shut down by what happened to me when I was about your age?" "Huh?" Anna asked confusingly. "I will explain it to you when you are older, sweetheart. Keep on drawing in the meantime."

North Notes is a writing and researching company, which primarily helps writers gain focus, motivation, remove mental blocks that help to unblock the writing process. EVERYONE who writes has been stuck at some point in his or her career. You do not have to accept these mind-boggling roadblocks!

http://www.northnotes.com

(586) 216-7516

Tips For Parenting A Toddler

Writen by Morgan Hamilton

Parenting a toddler can truly restore you because of the playful nature and share wonder of the child. But at the very same time it can be one of the most trying responsibilities that you will ever face. It is not always a pleasant task raising children so with that in mind I have compiled some less-obvious parenting principles geared to help you raise a perceptive, secure and happy child. Specifically, these suggestions are to help you find sensible ways to handle your toddlers unhappy moods. Here is what I believe to be some helpful advice:

When your child becomes upset and starts screaming you must first, and you'll be surprised to read this, be sure that you remain calm before you do anything. Put your focus on yourself. At least try it and see what happens. Let me explain.

You obviously want to comfort your child and sooth them in any manner possible. But in order to be the most effective at doing this, you must feel better yourself. You cannot help anyone else if you cannot help yourself, and parenting a toddler is certainly no exception.

Kids will pick up on your emotions and an instance, especially the negative ones. You do not have to believe in any New Age garbage to be able to "feel the mood in the air." The manner in which to move and speak are easily picked up by even the youngest of children. Kids are anything but dumb, and I'm sure you already know that.

During the explanations of airplane safety procedures, they always insist that you put your own oxygen mask on first, and then put the oxygen mask on your child. This is a striking example, and a perfect metaphor for what I am suggesting about parenting a toddler, or any age child for that matter.

You cannot help your child if you are incapacitated or functioning at a subpar level. Kids learn by watching and doing. Always keep this in mind. Look within and see if you are feeling uncomfortable. Slow down. Take some breaths. Even in the most chaotic of times you must always focus on being calm and in control of your emotions.

Shift your attention inward. Parenting a toddler is not easy, but you must find some centeredness despite the chaos. Be willing to try. Put yourself in the child's shoes and know that they look to you for everything. Your kids will pick up on things that you have no idea that they even notice. These are the very things that make parenting a toddler so incredibly important.

You may think that putting your own emotions first is somehow selfish but if you truly understand what I've been trying to say you realize that it is anything but. It means that you put your child to first and truly love them. You must open your heart first, and this will subliminally teach your child to do the same. Parenting a toddler is all about doing what is best for the child and in many cases that means doing what is best for you.

Morgan Hamilton offers expert advice and great tips regarding all aspects concerning family and parenting. Get the information you are seeking now by visiting Parenting a Toddler

Saying No To Our Children

Writen by Russell Turner

Saying no to our children is not always easy or pleasant. Sometimes it is very hard work and we don't want to face the struggle. Most of us at some time will find ourselves saying yes when we know we should have said no. Some people almost never say no. The funny thing is though, the more I am prepared to say no, and mean it, and enforce it, the less I have to say it. Children get the message. We have to say no to our diabetic children often enough, for health reasons, that you would think we would be better at it for other things. I know sometimes I feel a little guilty saying no to something after a series of diabetes related no's. But I still have to say no anyway. Parents who have to say no for most of the day will probably admit that they are not enforcing it. They give in too soon. When you do this you are sending mixed messages to your children about what they are and are not allowed to do. There are many reasons why we find it difficult to say no. However, there are some common patterns that we all display at some time or another. These are some common reasons, I know I need to raise my own hand at a couple of these.

* We want to protect or child from the "pain" or discomfort of disappointment.

* We want to protect ourselves from facing his feelings of anger or disappointment.

* We want to avoid the responsibilities of making a decision about an issue.

* We want to keep the peace and fear the row, or other consequences that may follow.

* We need our child's approval, want to be his friend, and fear his rejection.

* We want to keep the times we are with our child free from conflict.

We can get the necessary strength, confidence and authority to say no when it matters by understanding these reasons more fully.

Protecting Your Child from the Pain of Disappointment. Of course it hurts to see our children suffer, but mild discomfort and disappointment are a part of life. Our children will be better equipped to cope with the realities of life if they experience and learn to manage disappointment. This doesn't mean we should go out of our way to expose them to pain. It does mean that being the cause of their disappointment is not something we should feel guilty about. Being used to accepting no, and realizing that they can survive the disappointment, makes them stronger in the face of adversity and gives them a better idea of which "wants" are really important to them. Going without once in a while helps to develop a sense of priorities and character.

Protecting Ourselves from our Child's Feelings of Anger or Disappointment. We sometimes avoid saying no to protect ourselves from having to respond to our children's negative reaction. As parents, we are used to "making them feel better"; but how can we do this without giving in? We can't. We also can't avoid their negative reaction. We have to "stand in" and tough it out. Sometimes saying nothing is best for the situation

Avoiding the Responsibility of Making a Decision About an Issue. Sometimes we avoid saying no because it involves us in making a decision about rights and wrongs of an issue and taking responsibility for that decision afterward. It is easier to say yes, particularly if we don't find it easy to make decisions. Saying no puts the burden on us to have a reason for the refusal. If we cannot think of two good reasons for our decision then maybe we should re-think our position. We don't always have to supply our reasons to our children. When we say yes they don't ask why, they just accept the answer because it was what they wanted to hear. However, as parents it won't kill us to check our reasoning from time to time.

Fearful of the Row, or Other Consequences, That May Follow. If you find yourself often avoiding saying no because you are frightened of the power battle or retaliations that will follow, you need to ask yourself two questions.

* Have I got myself into a power-contest with my child, and if so, why?

* Am I letting myself be blackmailed by their threatened emotional reaction?

If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you have two more questions to answer.

* Who is in charge?

* Who should be in charge?

Needing Approval, and fearing Rejection. Some parents may find it hard to say no because they are afraid their children won't like them if they don't give them what they want. They need to be liked and need to feel that their child is their friend. If you are looking for approval and friendship from your child, especially if you need it for your own self-esteem, then you are putting a huge burden on your child that they should not be asked to carry. We as parents need to be the constant factor in our children's lives. We need to be their rock of guidance and security.

Wanting to Keep the Times You Are Together Free from Conflict. It is very hard for a parent who does not spend much time, for whatever reason, with their child to start being tough and causing upset. It is only natural that you want to keep those precious moments free from conflict. Non custodial parents sometimes spoil their children when it's their weekend "on". Working parents who arrive home near bedtime may find it hard to resist the pleas for more time and attention. Our children have a way of knowing the weak spot, and will exploit it for all it's worth. To them it's worth a lot. But giving in or being soft is not in their best interest.

We know that it can be a hard world out there sometimes. At some point in their lives our children are going to have to face it on their own. We meet our responsibilities as parents by properly equipping them to successfully meet and overcome the obstacles they will surely face. Don't send your precious child out there unprepared.

About the Author
Russell Turner, USA
info@mychildhasdiabetes.com
http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com

Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com

Teenage Girls Media Low Selfesteem

Writen by Kelly Nault

Is it really true that teenage girls + media = low self-esteem?

The issue of media's impact on teenagers has generated a lot of interest in the last decade. Despite contradictory findings, all researchers agree that teenage girls as a group are focused on their looks—especially on what they don't like about themselves! Marketing departments and ad agencies spend millions each year targeting teenage girls who spend much of their hard-earned dollars (and their parents' hard-earned dollars!) on looking good. Although the message of "girl power" is prevalent in today's marketing messages, so is the irrefutable idea that "sexy" and "thin" are in!

The dieting industry alone generates 40 billion dollars per year in America. If you believe diets are just for adults, you will be shocked to learn that a Harvard study (Fat Talk, Harvard University Press) published in 2000 revealed that 86% of teenage girls are on a diet or believe they should be on one. Diets are common among both teens and children. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 51% of 9 and 10-year-old girls actually feel better about themselves when on a diet. As a society, our obsession with thin is relatively new. Most people (especially teens) are shocked to find that sex icon Marilyn Monroe actually wore a size 14!

But pick up a fashion magazine today and you'll find models who are thinner than 98% of all the girls and women in America. Turn on a television and see 'sexy' celebrities such as Shania Twain, Britney Spears and Pamela Anderson baring their flesh. It is these role models who have become the standard of what is in vogue in the twenty-first century.

Do Teenage Girls have Low Self-esteem because of Media?

One of the most fascinating shows on self-image for teens was aired on Discovery Channel's "Sex Files" program (Episode 12: Girl Power). During the show, they reported on eating disorders on the island of Fiji. In 1995, this tropical paradise had only 3 percent of girls with eating disorders in 1995.

Then western television programs were introduced, including "hits" such as ER, Melrose Place and Xena: Warrior Princess. Three years later, the eating disorders in girls on the island rose to 15%. A surprising follow-up study reported 74% of Fijian girls feeling "too fat or big" and 62% had dieted in the last month—surprising in a culture that typically upholds curvaceous women as beautiful.

Five Ways to Ensure Media Does Not Contribute To Low Self-esteem in Teenage Girls

Fortunately, parents have a huge impact on a teenage girl's self-esteem—more so than even the media. Thus, there is much we as parents can do to ensure our teenage girls' self-esteem soars! Here are five helpful parenting tips:

1. Encourage and Support Your Daughter's Achievements and Passions. Focus on what it is that your teenage daughter is good at. If she enjoys math, animals or singing, support her. Acknowledge the presence of pretty girls in the media with, "Obviously outward beauty is one of her gifts. You've got many gifts yourself!" Then name these gifts as well as you can.

2. Help your Daughter Get in Touch with Reality. We are bombarded with perfect idealized models of what a woman should look like. But the fact is less than 1% of the girls out there will ever become a super model. Besides, no one can compete with computer airbrushing! Share these facts with your daughter. And please note that if you are complaining about your own "thunder thighs", this message is going straight to your daughter's heart. Make a commitment to raise your own self-image. No one, including you, is perfect. It is our imperfections that actually make us human. Having the courage to be imperfect makes our life easier and much more joyful.

3. Focus on a Healthy Lifestyle – The less junk food you keep around the house, the less you and your family will eat it! Do you and your family a favor—stock up on the healthy stuff and refrain from insisting on second helpings. If the scale in your home is a bit of an obsession, consider tossing it out. Instead focus on how well and how healthy each of you feels instead.

4. Contribute to Others – Our preoccupation with our own weight can be positively transformed when we start focusing on others. Volunteerism boosts self-esteem. Volunteer as a family, bring a smile to others, and you'll all be reminded of how truly fortunate you are.

5. Encourage Dad to Pay Attention in a Positive Way – Help Dad understand how detrimental well intentioned teasing about weight or looks can be. Encourage him to spend time with his daughter focusing on all the things that she is great at.

It is sad that many teenage girls and women believe that they need to be someone other than who they truly are. It is time to come clean for ourselves, for the race of woman and for our children, by beginning to love the person we are—flaws and all. Embracing our imperfection gives us the opportunity to see all the awesome things about ourselves: to acknowledge that we do have nice eyes, nice breasts, nice legs, nice whatever! And as we stop hiding our flaws, suddenly our psychological zits will become the beauty marks that make us stand out from the crowd.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here.

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Leaders Learn From Teachers With A New Curriculum

Writen by Kerry Beck

How can teachers use their curriculum to train leaders for the future? How can parents encourage their children to lead when they grow up? The first place to start in raising your students into leadership is to change your own education paradigm.

Does your education paradigm really matter? Most of us grew up in a public or private school, which can be likened to a factory. All the students come to the factory or the school. They start in kindergarten and move on to first grade, down the conveyor belt, as described by Oliver DeMille. At each stage of the conveyor belt (or grade level), the student learns the exact same information as everyone else. The students are told what to think.

Even though the school may be using tools like classics, the school's approach to education only teaches students "what to think". The curriculum is master to everyone. Too often, teachers lecture and "force-feed" information to their students. Please know I do not believe lectures are bad; they have a place. But too often, teachers lecture, telling their students what to think about the readings. Later on, tests are given to determine if the student knows what the teacher thinks about the readings, not what the students discover about the readings. John Gatto says it well.

After you fall into the habit of accepting what other people tell you to think, you lose the power to think for yourself. John Taylor Gatto, A Different Teacher, 2002

When you have a steady diet of lecture, you lose the power to think for yourself. To develop leaders of tomorrow, you need to change the methods used to educate today's children.

How do you look at education?

Does your curriculum dictate your child's education? Do you believe educators needs textbooks for everything? If so, you are training your children to follow. The underlying assumption of textbooks is that the teacher and student do not know enough to evaluate resources, so the textbook author will do it for you. All the student has to do is learn the conclusions of the textbook to become successful in "school". This model of education makes great followers who learn "what to think".

Ponder for a moment. Textbooks give students questions to answer. If the student can answer the chosen questions on a test, he can move on to the next piece of information. Textbooks do not encourage students to think outside of the answers in the teacher's manual. This model has provided our society with highly trained, but poorly educated graduates.

Leadership Education takes a different approach to curriculum. One of the essential elements of leadership education is teaching how to think. I don't think your children should complete their education and not know how to think on their own. Shifting your educational model from "what to think" to "how to think" can be a major change in your life. Below are some practical ways to set a foundation for this type of education by starting with yourself.

As you teach your children how to think, you might see a lifestyle change for your entire family. Leadership Education ultimately involves the family as a whole. Initially, it takes much effort from a parent because you must be involved in learning and growing yourself. You can not hand over some workbooks and say "go for it". Workbooks merely teach your children "what to think", not "how to think".

To begin your own education as a teacher or parent, start by reading one classic. Choose a classic that interests you. If you're not sure what classic to read, consult a young adult classics list. Once you finish your first classic, continue reading a classic each week for the next four weeks. You will complete five books and be on the road to furthering your own education.

As your children see their parents studying and learning, they begin to have a different idea of what education is all about. You will be excited about what you are learning and want to share it with your own children. After you finish five classics, read another one and add a writing activity. As you read this classic, keep a reading journal. In your reading journal, write down your thoughts about the story. Share your thoughts with someone else. Now, it is time to start with your own students. Choose a classic to read aloud together. The first classic you read together should be purely for enjoyment. If your students have never enjoyed classics, you may need to read a few more before moving to journaling and discussing. Once you think your children are ready, ask them to journal about the story after you finish reading each day. Then, discuss what the students write in their journal.

Francis Bacon said, "Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man." Reading, writing and discussing are foundational to developing students who think for themselves. If you want your children to be leaders, they must think on their own. Classics are the best place to start.

When you follow this process, you become a teacher who leads by example. Your example is part of a new type of curriculum for your children's education.

Kerry Beck is the author of Raising Leaders, Not Followers, which encourages parents to train their children to be leaders who rule wisely. She would like to give you a free report at the Leadership Education in the Homeschool Curriculum website.