Writen by Mary Fagan
We are always calmed and assured when we find someone who has been through something before us. This includes parenting, which can mean weathering some rough storms. In the beginning, we set out in the calm and placid waters of diaper changes, runny noses, and dribbles that we somehow learn to ignore in one of parenting's first miracles. Other people may cringe and reach for the hand sanitizer, but our baby's bodily fluids are like mother's milk to us. Their crying and whining doesn't rock us, and when asked about our infants and babies, they walk on water. These are the tender years.
The joys of the first smile, the first words, and the tentative first steps are all treasured and stored safely in our mental photo albums. Even the "terrible twos" leave us with a proud smile at how creative and ingenious our little ones can be when there is something they want. It's a good thing these tender memories are stored away because soon we will cling to them for dear life.
I mean the turbulent years when a mutiny takes place. A few months after the hormones begin flowing, your once mild-mannered son or daughter will take on some salty characteristics. You overhear words coming from their mouths that would make a sailor blush. They get tattoos and piece body parts that would be considered torture if you had suggested it. One minute they are sweet and mild, and the next – bam – pure sass. It's as if someone kidnapped your child and warped and twisted their personality like knotty driftwood. But hang on!
Fortunately, there are other parents to lean on that have found their sea legs. Anchored to past parenting experiences, they gently break the news that you are not the only parent ever told they were stupid, hated, mean, old fashioned, a dork or the only one to say "no." The first time these things happen, they hit hard, but revived with the realization that you are not the only parent listing to the stern, you can survive a roiling adolescence as it rolls in, and over you, again and again and again.
You may have to return to the experienced parent once in a while for reinforcement. But trust me, we treasure the times we can throw a lifesaver to a wretched fellow parent filled with self-doubt, saving them from second guessing and that sinking feeling that they are losing it.
Whether it's their first experience with PMS, backtalk, swearing, or disagreements over clothing, I will not let any recently christened parent walk the plank alone. To prevent them from going overboard, I have developed a set of special greeting cards, individual lifesavers I can toss in their direction when they need a little sweet something to pull them through.
I keep these special inspirational cards for parents experiencing a "first time" in my desk – my own little guidance office - ready for a rescue. Each has a line of wisdom and a line of advice to navigate a parent through the turbulent times. So far, these messages have saved seven parents from chocolate overdose and ten from self-induced baldness.
Even so, I realize my parenting support materials may not be as sophisticated as Dr. Phil's, but in a storm, any port will do.
Mary Fagan has a M.S. in Education and has successfully guided two daughters through the teens. She is currently in the white water with her teenaged son and happily provides her knowledge of the ropes online at http://www.motherwise.us. |
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