Writen by Cassandra Mack
Being a parent of a teenager isn't easy. Your teen is finding his own way, testing the limits and discovering who she is. The adolescent years can be trying, but they don't have to be tumultuos if you know what to expect. Here are three parenting challenges and solutions to overcome them.
Parenting Challenge #1
My adolescent is so moody and rebellious.
Solution
It is important to understand that your child is becoming a young adult. And while you need to hold on to your authority and maintain control of your home you also need to know that adolescence is a transitional time for both you and your child. Developmentally, adolescents need to separate from their parents so that they can establish their own identity and figure out what matters most to them. The most important thing that you can do is remind yourself that you are no longer dealing with a child, but an emerging young adult. Some things you may want to consider are:
Changing your parenting techniques to meet the developmental needs of an adolescent. Instill responsibility by giving your child a little more freedom. Don't forget to remind your adolescent that with additional freedom comes additional expectations and responsibilities. Improve communication by keeping the lines open. Try to compromise when possible. Give your adolescent room to be a teenager.
Parenting Challenge #2
I feel like I just don't know him/her anymore.
Solution
Many children become secretive and more private during adolescence. They spend more time in their rooms, on the phone and away from your watchful eye. They put up a fight when they're asked to participate in family activities and treat every question that you ask as an invasion of their privacy and often respond with a flippant remark. But it is important for you to remember that no matter how much your adolescent tries to shut you out, it is your job as the parent to make sure you stay connected. Some things you may want to consider are:
Respect your adolescent's right to privacy, while still making sure to monitor his behavior and whereabouts. When your adolescent comes to you with a problem, no matter how trivial you think it might be treat her problem serious giving her your undivided attention and helpful feedback. Show your adolescent that his interests are important to you. If he writes poetry ask him to recite a poem for you.
Parenting Challenge #3
My adolescent doesn't appreciate anything I do for him or her.
Solution
The feeling of being unappreciated is voiced by many parents, especially parents of adolescents. Believe it or not, adolescents really do appreciate what their parents do for them. They may not say or show it, but they do appreciate you especially as they get older. What happens is adolescents are so preoccupied with their own wants and needs that they fail to realize that parents are people too. Some things you may want to consider are:
Open your eyes to other indicators of gratitude. It could be a smile, a certain gesture, a kiss on the cheek for no apparent reason or helping around the house without having to be told to do it. As you teach your adolescent important values, talk about the values of gratitude and appreciation. Model the values of appreciation and gratitude by letting people know how much they mean to you, sending a thank-you note or repaying a kind gesture with another kind gesture. Encourage your adolescent to do the same.
This article is excerpted from Cassandra Mack's book, "Smart Moves That Successful Youth Workers Make."
Cassandra Mack is the CEO of Strategies for Empowered Living Inc., producer and host of The No More Drama Hour of Power online talk radio show and the author of six books. You can visit Cassandra on the web at: http://www.strategiesforempoweredliving.com
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