Writen by Shelly Walker
It may sound simple, but it's not easy. If you can succeed at the following ten items, your children will know that they are loved, capable people with passion and purpose in the world.
As parents, we all have strengths and weaknesses. Use this list as a guide to find the things that your family needs to work on and (this is the tricky part) do it! It's so easy to just go along with the flow and let your children be raised by the example you set for them and daily, reactionary, chaos-control parenting. But taking a few minutes to really check in with what's important is critical to your child's health and well-being.
I have taken fifteen years of research and experience with children and boiled it all down to the following list of ten things to focus on as a parent. Some of them are self-explanatory. Some of them are easier to accomplish than others. They are all critical to your child's inner peace and outer success.
Please note, that in order to simplify things, I use each gender alternately. This list is intended for every child, both male and female.
Print this up, put it on your fridge, highlight the ones you want to start working on and begin to create the family of your dreams today.
1. Find his talents and explore them. I make this number one because of the huge impact on a child's self-esteem when he finds out what he's good at. Give him the opportunity to succeed with passion and purpose.
2. Music and art feed the mind and the soul. Every person is good at some creative endeavor. Take classes together. Get outside your box so she can explore art. Not only does it feed an inner need, but it's a constant boredom buster! (No musician or artist is ever bored because she has her passion at her fingertips and within her mind at all times.) An artist or musician sees the world with added dimensions. Don't deprive your child of this opportunity!
3. Applaud effort, not necessarily outcome. No matter if he's a good student, a bad student or a great student. Give him the support he needs and praise his work. Did he lose the game? Find something positive to say and avoid the negative critiquing. Don't feed his inner doubt: empower him to feel good about himself.
4. Teach manners. Please, thank you, how to ask, how to be polite and eat a nice meal. I see so many children who don't even begin to know how to behave and it's because they aren't taught. It's up to you to teach her how. It's not just about behavior control. It's about respect.
5. Create and maintain open lines of communication. Studies have shown that the toddler who feels heard will become the teenager who will talk. Spend at least 10 minutes every day one-on-one with your child. Never shut down any topic of conversation. Be available and non-judgmental, but give positive, age-appropriate feedback. Remember to listen.
6. Get out in the world and exercise & explore together. Teach her to love Nature and how to take care of her body with exercise and healthy food. Don't just sit at home and watch the world pass on television. Get out there and explore!
7. Allow his spiritual nature to unfold. This is different from religious training. This is allowing God to express through your child's unique perspective. Children have an inborn wisdom about spiritual nature. Listen to him. Ask him questions. Allow him to explore the truths that God placed in his heart. Then teach him your values.
8. Empower her to trust her inner voice. This one can be especially difficult for those of us who were never taught this skill. Work on trusting yourself while teaching her to trust that still, small voice. This can be as simple as listening when she says, "I think we should go left and see if there's a parking space over there" or as complicated as talking about how to trust new people. She must learn to stop, check in with her heart, check in with her body, use her mind to think about the signals she's receiving and then move forward.
9. Feed her body, mind, and Spirit. Healthy foods, challenges for the mind, spiritual awakenings…happy children. Add in some love and fun and you've got the recipe for success!
10. Unconditional love means love without bounds: love the child you have, not the child you want him to be. Take a realistic look at your relationship and the conditions you put on your love. You may be shocked to see the places where you withhold love as a punishment or perhaps simply out of unskilled behavior on your part. Love is not something to be given and taken away. Let your child know that she is loved in every situation – no matter what!
Straight talk from the mom who's been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. Her website, http://www.parentingkeys.com, has great information and free tools to help parents raise successful, empowered children.
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