Writen by Christopher Auer
As a parent of a child with special needs, including Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) I start to feel very anxious this time of year. The new school year is approaching and I am filled with questions and doubts, such as "Will my child fall further behind his peers?", "Will his new teacher understand and support his unique needs?"
For me, the worst doubts revolve around the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and my child's anxiety. When it comes to the IEP, I am on heightened state of alert – ready to do battle. I know this isn't healthy to me or my family. I want to be sure that my child is receiving everything he is entitled to. I cannot wait for future services. I cannot wait for him to fail.
To begin the school year off on a more positive track, I suggest some plain old relationship building. The secretary is usually the most influential person on staff. Many principals have been run out of town by a secretary led revolt. Prior to the first day of school, stop by and introduce yourself and your child if you aren't already acquainted. Present the secretary with a small gift such as a decent pen, flowers, cookies, or maybe a picture from your child.
Your next stop is the principal. Again, present some small gift with your child. You might have a quick chat to clarify the supports your child needs in the classroom. Your goal is to assure that the principal knows your child (in a positive light) and also knows that you are an involved parent.
Visit your child's teachers in they are in the building. Present small gifts, and then make sure that they are aware of the content of your child's IEP and have your contact information. If they have a tendency to contact you too much, which often happens, make the circumstances clear that you wish to be called.
To prepare your child, and decrease his or her level of anxiety, I suggest that you have a "focused conversation". This strategy comes from the Institute of Cultural Affairs. The strategy involves asking your child four sets of questions – flowing from the past to the future.
The first set of questions is designed to begin the process of thinking about the topic. These questions should be easy to answer, concrete and objective. A sample question might be "What were some of the things your class did last year?" or even simpler "Who was in your class?"
The next set of questions is focused around reflections and feelings. Sample questions might include, "What was really easy for you last year?" or "What was really difficult?" To probe deeper, you might ask, "What did your teacher or classmates do that made you feel appreciated?" or "What are you most doubtful about in the coming year?"
The third set is actually the type of question we usually first jump to. These are interpretive questions. It's tempting to jump right to these questions because they begin to address the problem. Without first focusing on the feelings, however, the action to the problem or issue may be inappropriate. Interpretive questions in this scenario include, "What kinds of changes would be helpful to you in the classroom?" or "What is the main challenge for you in…(classroom, cafeteria, recess, etc)?"
The last set of questions is designed to reach a decision point. You might ask, "What do we need to tell your teacher?" or "What are the steps we need to take?"
Central to this process is that you are a facilitator. The responsibility for developing an action and carrying out the action rests with your child. This is a wonderful tool for your child to learn to tackle many difficult issues. It can even be used in the context of your whole family.
As the new school year begins, my wish for your children is that they –
grow up with the courage and wisdom to share their natural talents for the betterment of the world, express understanding and respect for humanity and appreciate and extend the work done by previous generations of people.
Christopher R. Auer, MA is the author of Parenting a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder: A Family Guide to Understanding and Supporting Your Sensory Sensitive Child (New Harbinger, 2006) Additional information at http://www.spdresources.com or email spdresources@comcast.net |
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