Writen by Lisa Paisley-Cleveland
1. Remember that kids often do not talk about things to fit "your time to talk" schedule.
It is important to interact with your children in various ways. You may find that your children will talk about an incident in school that occurred several days or a month ago while helping you bake a cake, do laundry or on the way home from soccer or dance class.
2. When your child is sharing something important to them shut up and listen.
It is easy to turn off communication if you are always interrupting (even if you know where the story is going), or offering advice before he/she has completed their account of the details. You will get your turn.
3. Please do not give an hour long "good advice" lecture.
Children will tend not to share with you if they know that they will have to listen to a long, and for them, boring lecture on life's do's and don'ts. Be concise, relevant and respectful of what they have shared.
4. Punishment should fit the crime.
A sure way to discourage and even shut down communication is for a child to feel fearful that in their communication something will surface that may result in harsh punishment. Parents must be mindful that kids make mistakes and as parents we must be there to teach, to nurture, to protect, to guide and to love. Harsh punishment for small infractions inhibits communication and sends a confusing message about those in authority. Be thoughtful about discipline.
5. Be understanding of their "culture".
Sometimes we forget that we were children once; wearing weird looking clothes, listening to music our parents hated, and even creating a language just for our friends to understand. As parents we should always be clear about what is acceptable, but just stay mindful that "this too will pass". If our kids are feeling harshly judged this will have an impact on what they share.
6. Establish a routine that brings the family together at least once per week.
Some families can eat together nightly while others find that their work schedules make this impossible. Sitting down together, at the same table, for diner is a wonderful way to enjoy each other's company and talk about each other's day. Having prayer time is another. Think about putting into practice a family routine that fits your situation and stick with it!
7. The most important step parents can take to improve communication with their children is model positive communication.
Whether you are a married couple or single parent children will observe how you communicate with other adults. Communication is a learned behavior and it is important that you practice a positive style of communication for your children to emulate.
Lisa Paisley-Cleveland, LCSW, CEO |
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