Removing The Step Out Of Fathering Your Wifes Children Part Ii

Writen by Mark Davis

Recently, a friend approached me about "Removing the 'Step'..." Part I, with a few choice words of criticism. She said that she enjoyed the article, but there were a few issues in which she took offense. Normally I would have told a critic that opinions are like socks, everybody has so many of them that they seem to get lost in the shuffle of life. But since the friend was my pastor's wife, I thought that maybe I should find a good match for this instance. And because this particular publication prefers to publish articles that are around 700 words or so, I'll discuss each of the two issues in a series: Part II and Part III.

To give you some background, "Removing the 'Step' Out of Fathering Your Wife's Children" (Part I) was an honest account of a father loving his wife's children like they were his own. And that father is me. If you don't have time to go back and read the article, it's okay. There's no real science to it. Just treat your new children like they are your own, and you'll be fine.

The response that I received from people reading Part I revealed to me that there are a lot of people out there who are interested in the issue of mixed families. We all watched it on the Brady Bunch years ago, and it seemed so natural. However, the first lady of my church had an objection to that notion. She said to me, "Mark, what if your wife's children were 'problem' children? You said that you wouldn't have made it down the aisle if that were so. You're going to turn away those guys who are dating women with not-so-perfect children."

Here's where my expertise lies. Though I don't have any statistics to share with you in this article, I can say that I've worked with children in a professional setting since my junior year of college. And from 1992 until now, I've understood this one fact: all children can have behavioral problems. Some of the best-behaved children in school turn into demons when their parents are near. And some of the worst behaved children act like saints when their parents arrive.

The point of what I'm saying is this: you'll know it if the family fits you. Just like you were attracted to an imperfect woman, if you're wife has children, they'll be imperfect too. Men who know what they want refuse to date or marry a woman who doesn't have a particular physical feature that they enjoy, like a big butt, long legs, flat stomach, etc. The feature varies among individuals, but most men have at least one that they are passionate about. You might recall this example in the movie Boomerang, where Eddie Murphy's character was particularly strict in his standard for his woman's toes. The same way that you have standards about this feature, know your standards when it comes to children.

After my wife and I started dating seriously for a few months, she asked me to baby sit for her one night so that she could hang out with her girls. I wanted to say "No", but I thought, "I better start getting used to this if Donna and I are going to get married eventually." I showed up early to watch her interaction with the children before she left and I thought,"This is going to be a piece of cake." Until she left. When sweet little Josie saw that the Rule-Giver had skirted away in a cherry-red Cherokee, her face displayed the most evil smirk that I've seen since Chucky. I thought,"Uh-oh". Her brother Evens kept her busy for a little while, but after she got bored, Josie decided to go after her mother's latest suitor. And after testing my limits, she finally found them. I verbally corrected her with a stern and serious voice and facial expression, and she broke down with a low blow, "I want my daaaaaaddddddddyyyy." I had no defense for that one.

Months later, after I had proposed to Donna, my mother shared her concerns about me fathering two children that weren't mine. She was especially uneasy about how I could handle a sassy little four-going-on-twenty-one-year-old girl who wasn't mine. I eased her concerns when I told my mom, "Josie is mine. She might be more than a handful to someone else, but she fits me." And I believe that. Josie still has to be put in her place from time-to-time, but overall, she is the best daughter that a father can have. And Evens is the best son.

I believe that there is a woman for every man on the earth. Some of these women have had children before the right man has found them. Their children need to be raised by the right man. You just have to know that you're the right sock-I mean, man-for the job.

Mark S. Davis is a high school english teacher, composer, and freelance writer who lives in Baltimore, Maryland with his wife, Donna and two children, Evens and Josie.